And the Winner Is Doctors

DOG BARKS

MUSIC: Time by Pink Floyd

-Morning!

-Lovely day!

Sid, I think you should get going.

Sure, sure.

Good morning.

AL YAWNS

Fun night?

Big yawns.

Let me guess. You were up all night talking to West Coast

geeks about computer coding...

This guy could nerd for England. No, make that Europe.

Thank you very much. The verb "to nerd..." Or "to geek"?

I geek, you geek, he geeks, she geeks. We all geek.

Sid...go now.

I'm going.

Just stick those somewhere. I'll type them up later.

Yeah. I'll stick 'em somewhere.

What was all that about? What's Al been up to?

How can two people do this to a room?

There's more where that came from.

HE LAUGHS

HE HUMS THE CONGA

We won the lottery!

HE CARRIES ON HUMMING THE CONGA

So you are going to be out all day?

Yep. House calls. In fact, I better get going.

Sorry, I was trying to catch up on yesterday's notes.

"Catch up?" Why do you not do them at the time?

I do! I scribble them down... I just need to input them...type them up...

Honestly, I'll catch up by the end of the day...

You, (you have a patient waiting).

Do you want to come through?

(Thank you.)

Sid, are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

PHONE RINGS

The Campus Surgery, good morning.

Yes, I'm just phoning to remind you that

I do need to pop out for a few minutes this afternoon.

Oh... It is your lunch break. You are welcome to do what you choose.

Thank you. Although I will be popping out about five past three, and I'll be

back...soon as I can. Hopefully no more than an hour.

Is this for an appointment?

Oh, no...it's...yes.

If you are going to book time at the hairdressers, or wherever,

please can you make sure that the time is convenient to us,

as well as yourself.

Yes. Of course. Thank you, thank you so much.

You're going out this afternoon?

Yes, I did mention it a couple of times.

If that's OK?

Yeah. I've got this dinner party to plan.

I wanted to grab ten minutes looking at some recipes, but never mind.

Sorry.

All right, Haskey, let me guess, it was series three, Battlestar Galactica,

the whole box set, washed down by four pints of Old Belcher?

Sounds amazing.

Oh, Dr Carter? I thought of an icon for you.

Is it Alfred Hitchcock?

-No...

-Is it Anthony Hopkins?

-No.

-When he played Alfred Hitchcock?

No. The Roman Emperor, Nero.

A toga and some laurel leaves. It'd be perfect.

Nero, the great debaucher.

That's a bit rich coming from you, by all accounts.

Argh!

It'll turn up.

Think!

I have...I don't know...

I need to get to work.

We've got to find that scratchcard!

I'll help when I get back.

HE SIGHS

Bill, calm down! Take some breaths.

Don't forget the nurse is coming this morning, OK?

As Acting Practice Manager, I can only apologise.

No, I take full responsibility.

I will forward the report to you as quickly as possible.

Dr Vere?

Yes, thank you, goodbye.

That was the Jobcentre.

Not thinking of leaving us, surely?

They are interviewing a Mr Carlton this afternoon

for his Disability Living Allowance.

But we have not sent them the report yet.

Like I said, I've got rough notes. I just need to get them

into the system.

We need to get it there as soon as possible!

I left them at the Mill, though.

It's OK. I'll sort something out, don't worry.

(I'm sorry.)

Come on!

Kayley!

HE SIGHS

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Hello.

I've brought you a cup of Brazil's finest.

Can't have you falling asleep on the patients.

Chance would be a fine thing.

-First time for everything.

-Thank you.

What was Heston on about earlier? You being the "great debaucher"?

Yeah. I don't know, what is his problem?

Some lame attempt at humour? So...

Oh!

Whoa...! Did you see that? Some things can't be unseen.

No, I get it now. The great debaucher!

Thing is...

It's none of my business.

I'm sorry...I'm really sorry.

Hey, look, good for you! I'll...leave you to it.

That's not me in the photo.

It is me!

'OK, Bill. Slow down. I get it.

'You've lost your winning scratchcard.

'But how can we help you on the radio?'

Sorry, yeah...

So what I was wondering,

could you maybe put a shout out on the afternoon show or something?

Massive long shot, I know.

But saying I'll give a reward to anyone who finds it,

so please, please give the card back.

I really need this money for something so, so important.

'What's so important that our listeners are going to want to hand that winning card over?'

HE SIGHS

OK, so what it is...

Hi. Sorry I'm a bit late.

Is everything OK?

Yeah, yeah. Come in.

Sid wants me to drop his notes off when I pop out later.

Where are you "popping out" to?

Oh... Just...busy, busy, busy!

Ah! Got it. Cook's heaven!

Business meeting?

It might be.

Great!

Because on Monday I've got a few people coming over for a bite to eat.

Pressure's on. That's your icon, Nigella.

Really?

No, not Nigella. I'm surprised I haven't seen this before, Karen.

"Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be...Delia."

So, I was going to ask, do you still do those salad bowls?

Yep.

And if I order one today, could you get me one in red?

No problemo.

Great! Cos Rob, big, clumsy oaf, he dropped ours,

And I want to make a big, fresh salad, maybe with pomegranates...

Does Al eat pomegranates?

I don't want to be rude, but I would have thought Dr Haskey

would eat more or less anything.

Al?

Oh, don't you know?

Dr Haskey's actually going out with Mo, who is Rob's cousin.

I knew that. I'd heard something.

Yeah. Good for them, it's great.

160 over 90. And your pulse is up, too.

You need to calm down, that's for sure.

How can I calm down?

-Take some deep breaths.

-The only way I'm going to calm down is when I find that scratchcard.

It's worth 50 grand!

I think I've found your icon.

Valerie?

Is it someone nice?

Definitely. I see a young Queen Elizabeth II...

That's very kind of you.

Is that a new necklace?

Oh, this? No, it's a silver wishbone.

It was from my granny for good luck just before my first driving test.

Your "first"?

It worked eventually.

Good luck with your meeting.

KAREN COUGHS

SHE MOUTHS INAUDIBLY

OK. We've all been there.

-Wake up in the morning, it's all a haze.

-Yeah.

-And then the memory sets off little things.

Trigger points, so that's what we need. Talk through the night and the details start to come back.

I got a pizza in the face.

Yeah... I got a pizza in the face.

We were playing Frisbee with a pizza!

I danced with a cushion, cos Kayley didn't want to do the conga.

-The card. Where was the card when this was going on?

-Um...

Did you have it in your hand?

Did you put it somewhere you could see it?

-Come on, Bill. We need to focus here!

-OK, OK!

Visualise the room. Doing the conga.

It was on top of the TV.

And then what?

The TV went out the door...

And the ticket?

Kayley grabbed it! Kayley grabbed it and put it in a book!

Cookbook!

This one! Yes!

Come on! No...

OK. Good start. Keep thinking...

Then we were outside, yeah, we were in the garden,

cos we were waving it about...

Ha! Yes!

We were chucking stuff...at the moon!

OK...

Yeah.

These, for a start. And eggs.

And then what, the ticket?

I was waving it at the moon...definitely!

Then what?

No luck?

Luck!

Luck! Yeah, we've had loads of luck(!)

Yeah, we're the luckiest people in the world.

We won the lottery! And the unluckiest. We lost it.

All on one day... Is that a record?

We've had more luck than we know what to do with!

All right. Let's try and keep calm.

So, you had the ticket out here, and then what?

That's when it stops.

What did we do with it?

-Maybe you dropped it?

-No!

-You were going mad.

-So were you!

Maybe you dropped it, and it blew away or something?

Maybe...Bill... Maybe it's time to think about letting it go?

What? No way! 50 grand?!

No way!

HE GRUNTS

The Jobcentre are still chasing.

She should be here any minute.

Here, take this. You cannot run on empty.

Ding-ding, here she is, your post lady. Your notes, sir!

Thank you, Valerie. You're a life-saver!

You're so welcome. Happy to help. Always.

Right, then, I'll get on it straight away.

Dr Ve...!

I'd better get going.

Are you still...are you helping at the church?

Yes.

That must be nice. Knowing there's always someone on your side.

Like an invisible friend.

I used to have an invisible friend when I was younger.

She was called Marjorie. It was lovely.

She was always there.

Although she did get a bit demanding.

In the end I had to let her go.

Are you all right, Miss Pitman?

Oh, yes, 'course. Never better.

Would you like a cup of tea while you are here?

I would love that...

but I'm running out of time.

I've got to go now.

What about the bin...in the kitchen?

I've looked in there twice.

Well, I'm looking again.

He don't need this, does he? It's making him ill looking for it.

The sooner he finds it, the sooner he'll calm down.

You don't understand, he's not going to find it.

You know something, don't you?

I thought you were a bit quick telling him to give up looking...

Kayley, if you know something, you've got to say.

-I might have flushed it.

-What?!

I was really, really drunk.

And I think I remember flushing it down the toilet.

Deliberately?

-I wrapped it up in toilet paper and...

-Why?!

You should have seen him last night.

When he gets excited he goes off his head!

He's been doing so well with his drinking and his diet and

everything, but when he gets like this, it all goes out the window.

If he had that money in his hand, he'd be dead in a year and I'm not having it.

You can't tell him.

I won't. But you will.

-What?!

-You can't go on like this.

-You've got to tell him what you've done.

-Yeah, but...

The only reason I'm here is cos I can't leave Bill in this state.

But I can't hang around pretending to look for something that doesn't exist any more, can I?

I'm going to start taking the floorboards up.

(Please.)

It's going to be OK. Silly!

What have you done?! What have you done to me?!

Bill... Let me tell you why...

Bill. Calm down. Take some deep breaths for me.

-Argh, my chest!

-What's happening? Is he all right?

HE GROANS

Hand me the phone, I need to call an ambulance.

Get me some aspirin if you've got any.

Is it a heart attack?

HE GROANS

BELLS RING

No. Get out! You're not coming!

I don't want you anywhere near me. Get out! Get out!

Valerie Pitman?

Do you want to come with me?

Will he be all right?

He's in good hands.

It's all my fault.

'Traffic coming up...but now the time is 13 minutes past the hour.

'Precisely. 13, unlucky for some, and maybe just the moment

'to play you a call we got earlier from a listener who needs your help.'

'Hi, my name's Bill Watkins and I won 50 grand on a scratchcard

'last night, and now I've lost it.

'And the worst thing is, I never signed the back.

'Which means if someone picks it up they could claim the 50 grand.

'But I really need the money for something so,

'so important. My girlfriend, Kayley, she means everything to me.

'But I'm only on sickness benefits so I never dared ask her to marry me.

'I knew she'd turn me down.

'This is my one chance. Anybody listening,

'if you find it, please, please help.'

Come on.

How are you feeling today, Mrs Pitman?

I'm fine, thank you. And it's Miss, Miss Pitman.

Miss Pitman, my apologies. Maybe I could call you Valerie?

Of course.

So sorry to keep you waiting, Valerie.

That's all right. No problem.

I work in a doctors' surgery so I'm used to it.

I just read a magazine.

There was a thing about...sorry...

I've had the results of your tests back.

Yes.

That's good.

They show you have something called Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, God. I really thought I had cancer.

I have been so worried....

I'm sorry. I'm afraid it is a form of cancer.

I know it's bound to be a shock.

The main thing is that it is treatable.

And I think at this stage we can be quite positive.

Yes, there will be a vigorous course of treatment.

I wonder, perhaps you have someone at home to help you through?

Well, you will be assigned a dedicated nurse, so that'll help.

Now, there is a lot to take in.

But with cancer we have a grading system, one to four,

four being the most advanced.

And your lymphoma is what we call stage 2A.

Two because it's in two sites, your neck and your armpit.

A because you haven't shown any "B" symptoms, like night sweats,

or weight loss...

We'll put you on a course of chemotherapy,

maybe even radiotherapy.

The treatment to some extent

will dictate the strategy from then on in...

MUSIC: Time by Pink Floyd

KNOCK ON DOOR

How are you feeling?

Gutted.

I mean your heart.

Gutted.

-I've brought her here to see you.

-No.

She did it because she cares about you.

She couldn't bear the thought of you partying your health away on that money...

-Like I'd do that.

-Pizza Frisbees and throwing your shoes at the moon?

That's a one-off.

A one-off that put you in hospital.

Trust me, there's nothing worse than watching someone you love

drink themselves to death.

Bill...

I heard you on the radio.

I heard what you said.

You stupid man, I don't care about you being on benefits.

What's money got to do with anything?

I would marry you tomorrow.

You thought I'd drink that money away.

Marry me?

You don't even know me.

Forget it, Kayley.

Is that it?

That is it. No more patients.

And the Jobcentre is no longer on your back.

You have to stop chasing your tail.

It is exhausting to watch!

Write your reports on the day.

Better still, put them straight onto the computer.

Once you fall behind, you cannot catch up.

I'm going to go to the Mill and do yesterday's notes.

What about today's?

Them too.

Wait...

What can I do?

Tell him he hasn't got a choice.

I can't.

You want to know why I flushed that ticket?

Bill?

Cos I was scared.

That if you had loads of money, you'd get someone better.

I know I'm not the greatest catch.

I was scared someone would come and take you off me.

Are you mad?

You think I'd be fighting off a pack of supermodels?

I wish someone would flush a lottery ticket for me.

It's quite something.

Come here.

I love you.

You might have mentioned it.

I've got a tissue.

Last night...

I must have flushed the wrong bit away.

Might as well tear it up now.

I don't need it now, do I?

THEY LAUGH

Bye, Al. Have a really good weekend!

Yeah, and you, dude.

No, thanks.

Valerie, aren't you going the wrong way?

What are you doing here?!

Must have been a very important meeting... May as well go.

I know. I just wanted to...

And you should go home and all...

She's right, Sidney. Get thee gone.

Too much to do.

You will get that salad bowl for me, won't you, Monday?

Um, I just wanted to...

Have a good weekend, everyone. If you can't be good, be careful.

-Go home.

-I've just got to...

Are you all right?

OK, he's fainted...

Oh, Sid, are you all right? Do you want water?

-Juice?

-Water would be good.

-I told him he should go home. Shouldn't be here on a Friday night!

Exactly. Life is far too short.

I'm ill. Really ill.

You are a professional hypochondriac.

It's just your imagination running wild with you, that's all it is.

You're affecting my business. Give me the flyers.

Your "business" is intimidating weak and vulnerable people.

I won't tell you again.

Give me the flyers or I will hurt you.