The Many Shades of Joan Gray Doctors

Morning, gorgeous.

Happy birthday, Mum!

Aw, you remembered!

I'm supposed to be watching my weight.

Oh, pish. You've got the body of a 25-year-old.

How do you do it, Mum? What's your secret?

It's no secret.

You two!

Now then, lady - you're not lifting a finger today.

Tell her, Bex.

I got up at six and did the housework.

And Dad's finished all the decorating.

Oh! This is the life, eh?

'Mum? When's breakfast?! I'm starving!'

Mum?

Love?

ALARM RINGS

-Mum!

-Welcome to my world!

Mum, I think I've got frostbite. My toes are completely numb.

It's not affected your mouth.

-SNORING

-How do you sleep next to that?

24 years of practice and lead-lined earplugs.

Oh, Becky? What day is it today?

Monday. Why?

No reason.

Are you making breakfast or what?

Oh, sorry, your worship!

Your smoked salmon and scrambled egg will be served in the dining room.

-By the way, Mum?

-Yes?

-We've got a leak.

-Eh?

From the loft. The bathroom ceiling's wet.

I saw it last night.

Well, why didn't you say something before?

I forgot.

Joe! Joe!

You don't have to be a celebrity. Maybe you can just be you.

-An ordinary woman.

-Oh, thanks.

No, I... Maybe that's the theme?

There's no such thing as an ordinary woman.

All women are extraordinary.

Isn't that right, Mrs Tembe?

Yes, indeed.

Oh, Miss Pitman.

Morning.

We...I did not expect you in today.

I don't know what gave you that idea.

-How are you feeling, Valerie?

-Fine, thanks.

Oh, I didn't realise there was a staff meeting. Did I miss much?

No. Nothing.

Well done, everybody - that was subtle(!)

Morning.

Morning.

Valerie, I got you this.

A patient recommended it.

Aw, thanks, Niamh.

It's nice to know someone still cares.

Valerie, if you have any questions at all, my door is always open.

-It's quite liberating, actually.

-Oh?

Out and proud.

Oh, um... Isn't pink just for breast cancer?

I could be wrong.

What colour should I be wearing?

Oh!

Don't you want that?

I'm eating for two.

Are you sure it's not quads?

Don't forget the midwife's due this morning.

GURGLING

Oh, charming.

Oh, here he is, Bob the flaming Builder. Well?

Yeah, there's a pipe leaking. Must have frozen.

I know the feeling.

I'll be wearing a balaclava if it carries on like this.

If you'd fixed the thermostat, this wouldn't have happened.

Can I have my breakfast in peace?

Dad, your phone rang when you were in the loft.

-Who was it?

-Stacey.

-Said she's got a couple of call-outs for you this morning.

-Better get down the office.

Has she found a skirt that reaches halfway to her knees yet?

-I wouldn't know.

-You're spending a lot of time at the orifice lately.

Cheers for the sandwich.

Joe. Are you sure you haven't forgotten something?

What?

Well, what day is it today?

Monday. All day.

-And don't forget it's darts tonight so I'll be back late.

-How could I?

It's like the 11th commandment -

"Thou shalt always play darts on a Monday."

When was the last time we spent some time together? Apart from a quick bit of how's your father.

-Oh!

-I brought some boxes down from the loft.

They're on the landing. The damp's got in them.

Great. Leave me to clear up the mess as usual!

Happy birthday, Joan.

As I have just said, Dr Carter is fully booked this morning.

If it's an emergency, we do have a drop-in clinic,

but that's on a first come, first served basis.

I'm not being rude, Mrs Bishop. I'm trying to help.

Yes, I do appreciate you're not feeling well. As it happens,

I have Hodgkin's lymphoma, which believe you me is no picnic!

Valerie!

Hello?

Oh!

Why don't you get yourself a cup of tea? I'll cover the desk.

No, I'm fine, Karen.

PHONE RINGS

Mill Health Centre.

Hey, how are you doing?

I'm fine, thank you.

Oh, by the way,

I'm not going to sue you for missing the diagnosis of my cancer.

I mean, you could thank me.

Thanks.

Oh, and your next patient's here.

Mrs Ford?

Morning, Mrs Ford.

VOICES FROM TV

CLATTERING

MUSIC: All That She Wants by Ace of Base

SHE CRIES

Bex! Can you get that?

Rebecca!

Hiya, Joan.

What's wrong?

What's happened?

I don't know where Bex has got to.

Usually have to chisel her off the sofa.

Are you all right?

Bad morning.

These were on the mat.

Least somebody remembered.

My husband and my daughter forgot my birthday.

I don't know why I'm so upset.

It's not like it means anything at my age.

Course it does.

Everything's getting on top of me at the moment.

Joe's not fixed the heating -

now we've got a pipe leaking in the loft.

My wedding dress was in storage up there.

Now it's all mouldy, which pretty much sums up my life at the moment.

Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?

Only if you can read my tea leaves.

What's brought this on?

To be honest, I think it's the change.

My periods have been intermittent for years.

How intermittent?

Like waiting for a bus in the Gobi Desert.

My mum was the same - had her last period when she was 37.

Plus I'm biting Joe's head off at the moment.

No wonder he's giving me a wide berth.

The thing is, I do love him.

I just don't think he feels the same.

-Hey! Come on.

-Sorry.

Have you spoken to your GP about your periods?

No.

Promise me you'll make an appointment today.

I will. I'm sorry about Beck's disappearing act.

Oh, no, it's fine. I've got another home visit up the road,

so I'll pop back later.

Do you think she'll be back by 12?

I'll make sure of it.

Have I got make-up all over my face?

No. It's mostly on your chin. I'm only joking.

-I better go and sort myself out.

-OK.

-Thanks, Ruhma.

-No problem. I'll see myself out.

I've got to pick up my costume in 15 minutes

and I still can't decide who to be!

Who was your idol growing up?

-Um...

-I liked Gary Numan. And Pam Ayres.

Um... What about a film star?

-It's a bit obvious, isn't it?

-Oh.

Mind you, I suppose

there's always somebody like Emmeline Pankhurst or Marie Curie.

I mean, she was the one who inspired me to work in medicine.

Not very glamorous, though, is it?

Margaret Thatcher?

No, thank you, I'm not that desperate.

Well, you're looking really well.

Oh, thank you. I'm sorry about before.

It's OK.

-I nipped out to get a card for Mum.

-Right.

So, have you made a decision yet on the birth?

-I definitely want a home birth.

-OK.

Cos that way I can have it here

and watch my favourite programmes on the telly, take my mind off it.

So you'll want a birthing pool?

Are they dear?

You can look into companies online.

Have you told your mum about this?

She's dead against it, but it's my baby, isn't it?

I can have it wherever I like.

Well, it is her house.

Why don't we write a list of all the equipment you might need,

then you can discuss it properly with her?

Is the dad going to be here for the birth?

He was barely there for the conception.

I'm even beginning to sound like Mum.

He's running a bar in Greece.

I texted him about it but he doesn't want anything to do with it.

He's got two other kids already.

Busy lad.

It is going to be all right, isn't it? I'm scared, Ruhma.

I'm going to be here and so is your mum.

She didn't want me to keep it. Not at first.

But I'm glad that I did.

She's going to make a great granny, you know.

If you say so.

Trust me.

There is nothing like the patter of tiny feet to bring it all back.

Hi. I've got an appointment with Dr Donaghue? Joan Gray.

Hello. I haven't seen you in ages.

Hardly ever get ill, touch wood.

I was the same, and then last week I find out I've got cancer.

Valerie!

People don't know what to say. Treading on eggshells!

-Well, it's amazing what they can do these days, doctors.

-Hm.

Joan Gray? This way.

-Bye, then.

-Bye.

Blimey, why don't you get it on a T-shirt?

Well, there's no point pretending it's not happening.

Mrs Reuben?

Ooh! How did it go?

The photo shoot is cancelled!

Oh, I've just brewed some lapsang.

OK.

-How was your morning?

-It could have been better.

The landlord's definitely booting us out.

We're going to be homeless for Christmas.

My offer still stands. There's plenty of room at my place.

-Heston, it's really kind of you, but...

-I would enjoy the company.

Thank you.

As Dostoevsky said,

"Let the world go to hell but..."

-"I should always have my tea."

-Correct.

Thank you.

Hey, Joan.

Can't get shot of me today. Where's the lav?

I have to pee into this.

-Just opposite reception, that way.

-Thanks.

So.

Operation bed the midwife - give me a progress report?

Don't need Quincy for this diagnosis.

I know it's the big M.

I've got all the symptoms. Apart from hot flushes.

Actually, I could do with those - the house is that cold!

-Well, we shouldn't jump to conclusions.

-Will I get HRT?

Maybe that'll help with the mood swings.

That'll be music to Joe and Beck's ears!

Joan.

I don't think it is the menopause.

What is it?

Well, I'll have to double check.

Oh, it's cancer, isn't it?

No. No. I think you're pregnant.

That's what it says.

Why won't you do the shoot?

Because I had a blazing row with the misogynistic pig in the costume shop. Mr Benn it was not!

What happened?

Well, I decided that I wanted to be Elizabeth I.

Apparently they've had a run on Tudors

and the only thing left was extortionately expensive.

-And?

-Well, I was trying the dress on and the zip broke.

Then he tried to charge me for it.

But you'd have been a great Elizabeth.

Yes, well, nevertheless.

What if I can think of a way of you doing the shoot

without having to wear a costume?

-Really?

-Hm.

You're not on the pill?

I didn't think I could have any more kids.

And you don't use condoms?

Joe says it's like wearing your wellies on the beach.

This can't be right.

You can sometimes get a false positive.

You should to do another test in the morning.

We spent years trying for another baby. I'm 47, Ruhma!

It happens.

What's Joe going to say? He already thinks I'm a nutter.

It's going to be all right.

No, it's not all right. Nothing about this is all right!

Look at the state of me!

Can Joe come and pick you up?

Never mind pick me up,

he'd rather drop me off - off the nearest bridge, probably!

-I'm going to run you home.

-Don't be daft, you're not a cab service.

I'm going into town. I go past your house anyway.

-No.

-I insist.

What am I going to do?

I thought all this stuff was behind me.

Would you hold still!

I look like I've got the pox!

You look pale and interesting. You'd blend in well in Duncarrick.

-I look like I'm going trick or treating.

-You're such a diva.

Are you decent in there?

Decent? I am a virgin queen, remember!

All set?

Nearly. Jimmi, will you make me a cup of tea?

What did your last slave die of?

I sent him to the Tower.

I think the coast is clear. Thanks for the lift, Ruhma.

I told you, it's no trouble.

-Surprise!

-Surprise!

Happy birthday!

What's wrong?

How come you're back?

Oh, what now? First you get upset when we forget your birthday.

Now you're upset when we try and make up for it!

There's no pleasing some people.

I think you'd better sit down.

There's something I need to tell you both.

Heston is being very Heston-like.

He's not letting me in, but you can see it in his eyes.

He's madly keen on her.

And we've already established that she's keen on him.

So? What's the problem?

I don't know, maybe they just need a little bit of a nudge.

Hm. We need a plan.

A plan indeed.

I'll have a smoke. That usually gets the cogs going.

And I shall have a coffee.

Kettle's on.

It's important for me to keep busy!

Is it just me or is Pitman getting on your nerves too?

No, course not.

Hiya.

Fancy a coffee and a natter?

Do you know, I've got errands to run.

-Oh, OK. See you later.

-OK.

You're having a baby? At your age?

Thank for rubbing it in.

Will you keep it?

I thought that was something we'd decide together.

But aren't there more risks if we have a baby this late?

Well, there can be.

We tried for years to give Bex a little brother or sister.

We even spoke to your lot about it.

Unplanned pregnancies can happen.

Don't we know it!

I was 16. It was a mistake.

You've got no excuse!

Er, I'm in a relationship. There is a difference.

Pfft! If you can call it that.

You should have heard the way she spoke to me when I found out.

"You should have kept your legs crossed, shouldn't you?"

She didn't want me to keep it!

That's not true.

I just wanted more for my daughter than to be up the duff at 16!

I was giving you the option.

I said I'd stand by you whatever you decided.

-Yeah, well.

-For crying out loud, will you just shut up?!

You're doing my head in.

Oh, poor you.

You even sound like her!

BOTH: Thanks.

I'm going back to work.

So that's it?

Well, someone's got to earn a crust to keep this madhouse together.

Oh, come off it.

You haven't wanted to be here for years, Joe.

Why keep pretending?

Maybe you're right.

Fine.

Then maybe it's time you went your way and I went mine?

You know what, that's the best idea you've had all day.

DOOR SLAMS

Well? Do you notice anything different about me?

Um... Can you give us a clue?

The ribbon?

Yeah. Daniel was right.

Oh, Valerie!

Oh, I'm sorry. Today has been an emotional rollercoaster.

There's no need to apologise.

I'm just so touched by everyone's support.

Oh! I've got to go, but I'll catch you later, OK?

Perhaps you would like to come to dinner tomorrow night,

and then we can have a proper chat?

I'd like that. Thank you.

Are there risks? Having a baby at her age?

Pregnancy comes with risks at any age.

Your mum's been through it before.

Her body knows what to do.

They never used to argue. I feel guilty now.

I wish I hadn't been so gobby.

Do you think they'll split up?

I don't know, Becky. Marriage isn't easy.

Are you married?

I used to be. Look, I better get back.

Please don't.

Hey, I'm sure your mum and dad are going to work things out.

She only wanted what was best for me.

She had every right to be annoyed when I fell pregnant.

I was annoyed with myself.

I hope I'll be a good mum.

I'm useless at everything else.

No, you're not. You're going to be a fantastic mum.

And you had every right to be angry with me.

I just can't believe that this time next year,

-we might both be pushing prams up the high street!

-I can.

At least it means I don't have to go through all this on my own.

Hey, we'll save a fortune on baby clothes.

You're going to be all right.

I'll be with you every step of the way.

And what about you and Dad?

He loves you, no matter what.

Is it really over?

I don't know.

I love you, Mum.

Me, too. Come here.

KNOCK

Come in.

Next week's rota for you.

-Oh, I think Valerie brought me one a while ago.

-Did she?

Actually, are you free tomorrow night, about 7.30?

Um, yes.

I'm having a Christmas dinner party. Would you like to come?

I'd love to.

That's very kind of you, Karen.

Valerie really needs her friends around her at the moment.

Um... I wasn't actually going to invite Valerie, on this occasion.

Oh. Who's coming?

Just a few friends. So will you come?

Yes.

Great. Well, I'll see you at 7.30.

DOOR CLOSES

Bex, is that you?

Becky?

So that's 4.30 on Friday.

Yes, yes, we will see you... Bye.

Ruhma?

Er, um...

I've got a new rota for you when you've got a minute.

OK. Thanks.

Any luck with your accommodation?

No, not really. I got side-tracked.

By what?

You know when you're really rooting for a happy ending for someone?

Yeah.

The dress is ruined. Who am I kidding?

There's no point keeping it. I wouldn't fit in it now.

I'm not that girl any more.

What happened to her? Joan Franklin?

She turned into Joan Gray.

And then what?

Took a wrong turn. Got lost.

Missing persons.

So what now?

I can have a termination.

Then once Beck's got her own place

and assuming you ever fix this place up, we can put it on the market?

All this because I forgot your birthday?

This has been going on for years, Joe!

I know.

You turned your back on me. You stopped talking to me.

I wish I could go back.

It doesn't work that way.

Maybe it's too late.

We spent years trying for another kid.

It's what pulled us apart.

That and you looking at other women.

In your head!

I've never looked twice at Stacey.

I'm old enough to be her dad.

I mean, I've got a beer belly, I've got athlete's foot!

I've got more stretch marks than you, Joan.

Do you really think she'd look twice at me?!

And even if she did, she's not you, Joan.

There's only ever been you.

Look, I know I've screwed up, but maybe this pregnancy's God's way of showing us what we still have?

It's not too late.

Do you really want a termination?

Of course not. I want this baby.

I want you.

Finally, something we agree on!

It's a flaming miracle.

It is!

I'm having a baby, Joe.

I'm going to be a dad again.

Are we insane?

Probably! But we've got away with it so far, haven't we?

Oh, come here!

Well?

It's amazing! And I didn't even have to wear a corset.

Bonus, thank you!

I'm so sorry. I can't seem to book you in. The screen's frozen.

Would it be possible for you to call back in ten minutes?

Hi. Oh, look at us! Snap!

Badge of honour.

I'm going to have to reset...

When were you diagnosed?

Ooh! Ruhma. Sorry, wait...

I got the rota. It's on the desk.

No, it's not about that. What are you doing tomorrow night?

Oh, I dunno.

I'm having a Christmas soiree.

-I'd love you to come.

-Er...

-Please. It's going to be ever so good.

-What time?

-7.30.

-OK.

-You've got a patient. I'll see you tomorrow.

-OK.

I'm so sorry to keep you. Valerie?

Hello, Mill Health Centre. Can I put you on hold? OK.

Valerie!

Just a minute!

Sorry, Mrs Hastings? Would you take a seat?

Two ticks. Sorry!

Hello. Hello?

It's such a shock, isn't it, when you're diagnosed?

I didn't know anybody who'd had it.

OK, let's do this.

CAR WINDOW SMASHES, ALARM GOES OFF

Would it hurt her to load the dishwasher and take out the rubbish?

All right, I'll have a word with her.

I thought she might let me keep the baby, but of course not.

They've just extended my contract at work,

so looks like I'll be staying around.