Dracula's Choice Doctors

MUSIC: Temptation by New Order

Good night, was it...sweet prince?

How did you get in here?

I remembered your home security system -

leave the key in the front door.

Can't wait to see you in the costume.

Costume? What costume?

I knew it was too much to ask.

What?

You're on volunteer's duty, remember?

Just let me sleep off my hangover, will you?

When will you learn?

Nightclubs are for young people.

Oh, baby!

MUSIC CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND

CAR ALARM BLARES

SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE

Tell me you didn't wear your shades in the shower.

Why not? They're waterproof.

-What did you think of those links I sent you?

-Links?

To properties. All in our price range.

Oh, right, yeah. Er, none of them were quite right.

You didn't even bother looking.

Baby, you send me loads of links. I can't look at all of them.

That would be so strenuous.

Are you sure that you even want this, Logan?

"This"?

Me, you, us...

together, under one roof?

Ever since I suggested it, you've been really weird. Distant...

I'm just knackered, that's all. These club nights are intense.

I bet they are.

Meet anyone nice, did you?

What? I was working.

And it's not like you to mix business and pleasure.

I'm just saying, if you're not 100%, say now.

I'm more than 100%.

I'm like 110 or 111.

I used to feel like I was at the centre of your world.

Now I feel like a fleeting annoyance.

You always seem so distracted.

Flat-hunting isn't exactly my bag, so I'm happy to take a back seat.

When you find somewhere decent and affordable,

I'll go along with it, no sweat.

"Go along with it"?

I want to know that you believe in this relationship,

otherwise, what's the point?

Was that a rhetorical question?

Logan Flynn, as I live and breathe...

Haskey, mate! What's up?

You know, same old.

Modern-day superhero, saving lives.

You still a...still a disc jockey?

Yeah, course I am. What else am I going to do?

Have you guys met?

-Maya's been keeping me on the straight and narrow.

-Have I?

I'm Al, Dr Al Haskey.

-Hi.

-We were at med school together before I got lost in music.

Which is a shame, because I would have made an excellent doctor.

You weren't too keen on attending lectures, though, were you?

No, nor the alarm clocks.

THEY LAUGH

Sorry to break up the reunion,

only, we're running late for the blood clinic.

Yeah, I'll see you around, mate.

Nice to see you, mate. You're wearing sun glasses in February.

Course you are!

Mum?

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

Hello?

Oh...

So you're the lucky guy, then?

Wake up, there's someone here.

WOMAN GROANS

Set a date yet?

-Ohh...!

-Hi.

-Ugh!

-Nice.

SHE SIGHS

Move over, Robert Pattinson. There's a new kid in town.

-What if somebody recognises me?

-Then you ask them to give blood.

I mean, a fan. I've got a reputation to maintain.

Fancy dress is terminally uncool.

-I think you suit the role perfectly, much better than Reg.

-Who's Reg?

Our other volunteer. He's having his hip replaced.

So, I think it's best to stick to the campus.

All those wide-eyed maidens ripe for seduction,

-you'll be in your element.

-Hm!

You know the drill - go and find us some new blood.

I can't be the real deal, can I?

Cos there I am, looking hideous...

-..and middle-aged.

-You are middle-aged.

-Thank you(!)

It's a fact, not an insult.

Wrong! Middle-age is just a state of mind.

Put your teeth back in.

Is it any wonder I've been drowning my sorrows?

Sierra was my little angel, my only ray of sunshine

in this miserable, wretched life!

And you - YOU made them take her away from me.

You're not my daughter.

You're nothing to me now!

I'll put the kettle on then, shall I?

I knew I could rely on you.

Just doing my bit for humanity. And I get to skive off work.

You're all right, I know it off by heart.

Best have another look. I know what you're like.

Oh, yeah. What am I like?

Soon as you give blood, you're off to go and operate

-some heavy machinery.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah!

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, don't mind him.

What's he after? Go on, clear off!

HE HISSES

I thought I was out of teabags.

You were. I did a shop for you.

You can keep any fresh stuff. The fridge is broken.

The plug was dislodged. It's fine.

Agh, you've got to be kidding.

Eat it. It's good for you.

I lost count of the empty bottles.

What did you expect?

Your drinking didn't start when Sierra left.

It's been a problem for ages.

Do you honestly think this is the right place to bring up a kid?

MUSIC: The Golden Path by The Chemical Brothers

# As I walked along

# The supposed golden path

# I was confronted

# By a mysterious spectre

# He pointed to the graveyard

# Over on yonder hill

# I paused in cosmic reflection

# Confused and wondering

# Of how I came to die... #

She's loving school, and the teachers gave her a glowing report.

She's made loads of friends, too.

Tracey said she can't keep up

with who her bezzie is, changes every week.

Do you think I could have a copy? Of the report?

-Of course.

-Thanks.

If you managed to clean up your act, then you might get regular contact.

-Do you reckon?

-Sure.

You could see her once a week, maybe even more, eventually.

It wasn't all bad, was it?

You, me, Carl and Debs - we had some good times.

Yeah, we had some good times.

Well, I'd better let you get on.

Thanks for the grub.

I've got the day off.

Well, you don't want to be wasting it in a dump like this, do you?

I'll stay a bit longer.

SHE SIGHS

Right.

Come on, you've got plenty of blood to spare,

and it's only a small prick... so to speak. You won't feel a thing.

And there is free biscuits, so what is not to like?

THEY LAUGH

Nah, nah...

Flynn, nice outfit.

Yeah, Maya's idea.

It really suits you.

Mm, so she says. I beg to differ!

-Well, keep up the good work, Vlad.

-Mm!

-Haskey, mate...

-Yeah?

-Erm...

Do you fancy a bite to eat?

Oh, very funny. I see what you did there.

Yeah, no pun intended.

You're serious? Yeah, I suppose so.

What do you fancy, a STAKE sandwich?

Ahh... Hilarious(!)

-So, your proposal?

-Yeah.

Now, in the seven years I've been at The Mill,

I don't think we've ever really made enough

of our minor surgery provision.

So, here's my question.

Why don't we expand in this area

and offer patients a friendly, local and straightforward service?

-Well, you're absolutely right to ask that question.

-Mm-hm.

The Mill has considerable scope to expand its range of services

but minor surgery is a non-starter, I'm afraid.

I've already asked and the CCG aren't supporting it.

Well, they need to think again because surgery performed here,

near the patient's home, is far more cost-effective.

Cost-effective for whom?

-The whole health economy.

-I agree.

Good, right. There we are, then.

But The Mill isn't "the whole health economy".

In our patch, the kind of procedures

you're talking about are already covered by secondary care.

If we did them, we'd be paying twice, and out of our own pockets.

It doesn't make sense.

Ever since med school, I just got used to a certain lifestyle.

You know, a different girl every month, every week, sometimes.

I'm impressed you kept count.

I'm not bragging. It's just the way it was.

If a relationship lasted longer than a few weeks,

alarm bells went off in my head.

Somehow, Maya slipped through the net.

Now she wants us to shack up and buy a place together.

So she says.

And what do you want?

I don't believe in monogamy. It's unnatural and unrealistic...

and yet, despite my better judgment, I might actually be in love.

In love. Wow, congratulations.

No, it's horrible. And wonderful.

Oh, we get on together great.

She's smart and funny and we have a real laugh,

or...at least we did until the flat-hunting.

It's putting a bit of a strain on things.

I don't see why we can't carry on the way we are.

You're 39, right?

40.

Right, and 40 is still too young to settle down?

I want to be with Maya, no question.

And if buying a place together is what it takes, then so be it.

Only problem is, now I get the distinct impression

she's the one who's getting cold feet.

It's like she's looking for a reason, or an excuse, even...

To break up?

Yeah, she gets a lot of attention.

What if she's got another fella waiting in the wings?

Someone younger.

It's like she's hoping she can catch me cheating on her

cos then she can just dump me without feeling guilty.

Even this whole cape thing feels like a test.

Me chatting up students all day cos she thinks it'll lead me

-down the path of temptation.

-And has it?

I haven't strayed from Maya since we the day we met...

..weirdly.

I don't know, maybe I am ready for the pipe and slippers.

I'm sorry, I don't make up the rules.

-Yes, but you're supporting them.

-How?

-By toeing the party line.

We should lead by example.

So, if other practices follow,

the commissioning groups will also have to follow.

That's a big if - and, in the meantime, we've overspent.

High-minded ideals won't help anyone if the practice goes bust.

Yes, but you're just thinking about our balance sheet.

"I'm all right, Jack."

If you want to put it like that, then yes.

OK, aside from Blue Monday, name me one decent 12-inch single.

The whole thing is just some overpriced gimmick

aimed at geeks and DJs.

-Er, Love To Love You Baby.

-What?!

Donna Summer, 197... Er, '82.

LOGAN WINCES

-You all right, mate?

-I've got a dodgy gut.

That'll be the Icon food.

You won't be the first and you won't be the last.

No, it's... Ohh! ..it's not. I had...

I had a few shots last night.

I guess I can't handle the booze like I used to.

Honestly, mate, don't worry about it. It happens all the time.

-All right, I'm going to...

-Yeah, I'll see you around.

-Yeah, will do.

-You sure you're all right?

-I knew it.

All this time, she's accused me of having a wandering eye

and it's her who's got a bit on the side.

-OK, let's not jump to conclusions.

-Yeah, right!

-Look, Logan...

Don't be silly! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Make yourself at home. The vendor's on holiday.

Have they been here long?

Three years. Made a shedload of improvements - a new boiler,

underfloor heating, a paint job last year.

I'm impressed.

Bit of a TARDIS effect.

Loads of space, yet you're right in the middle of all the action.

Deceptive, eh?

Right, then, to the bedroom.

Get ready for the wow factor.

What do you think you're playing at?

Ah, good. I could use the extra muscle.

Absolutely not, I'm not getting involved!

No, it's just here. Down there.

Don't mind me.

So how long's this been going on?

What? Oh, you don't think...?

-He's an estate agent!

-Oh, God, it gets worse.

-He was just showing me the hidden storage.

-I bet he was!

-What, he's your boyfriend?

-Yeah.

-Hello again.

-What...? What is this?

Viewings are strictly appointment only. Clear off.

So you can pick up where you left off?

-I don't think so, mate.

-Logan, don't be ridiculous.

-Where did you dig him up?

-Come on, mate. You haven't been feeling well.

-No, I'm feeling quite all right...

-Hey, easy!

-Logan!

You're punching above your weight, Dracula.

Want me to knock you down a size? No problem.

Do you want to kill yourself? Is that what you want?

Charming! I bet your patients love you.

Carry on like this, and in a few months, maybe even weeks,

you're going to be six foot under.

I want to be cremated.

You think it's funny, do you?

Just telling you what I want, that's all.

I guess you are my next of kin.

An hour ago, I wasn't even your daughter.

I don't suppose you've made a will, have you?

What for? I'm skint.

Who cares, anyway?

No-one needs me.

I'm just a nuisance to you lot.

Worth more dead than I am alive.

I doubt it. Funerals don't come cheap, you know.

Someone's going to have to pay off your debts.

It'll be me that's out of pocket.

Ohh, so that's what you're worried about?

No. I'm worried about your liver.

If it's not already irreversibly damaged, it soon will be,

unless you get help.

How are you coping, financially?

The kindness of strangers.

Like that skanky bloke I found you with?

Who is he, anyway?

I haven't the foggiest.

Hmm, you'll have quite a bit of bruising,

but I don't think there's any structural damage.

Don't go bleeding on the carpet.

So, you'll be wanting to put in an offer?

Ask him. He's the one with the equity.

That's all I am to you, isn't it? Equity.

And I get to line his coffers as part of the bargain!

A nice little ruse you've got going on here.

Only problem is, I'm not a complete mug.

No? Well, neither am I,

if this is what living with you would be like.

Ooh...

Sorry, fellas, I need you to move along,

got another viewing in...five, so...

If you want, I can help you sort out your finances.

Oh, cheers. A few notes wouldn't go amiss.

Cashpoint swallowed my card last week. I'm living off fresh air.

I meant that I could keep tabs on your bank account, online.

I'll look at your outgoings,

make sure you've got enough for food and essentials.

In fact, just leave all the food shopping to me.

I can do my own food shop, Eesh. I'm not a total invalid.

Well, you won't spend the money on food, will you?

I can't go cold turkey, not straightaway.

That would kill me.

You're not expected to do this on your own.

You're going to need a lot of support.

There are treatment centres, programmes you can join.

Rehab?! Thought you had to be a pop star.

No. I can get you on a waiting list.

But only if you're serious about staying sober.

I can't make you change.

If the nose is still sore in a couple of days,

then come back into the surgery.

One of my esteemed colleagues will be...

Hey, mate, I'm really sorry about Maya.

Yeah, it's probably for the best.

At least I get to still keep my bachelor pad.

Yeah. Try and take care of yourself, though, yeah?

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!

Hey, Logan... Hey, mate...

Goodbye.

Oh, Mrs Tembe, erm, may I have a quick word?

Yes, yes, of course.

What are your thoughts on our new bean-counter?

Anthony.

Oh, well, I think Mr Harker is...well, he's most professional.

He seems to have a decent head for business and...

well, the partners must have been very impressed with his experience

and credentials.

You don't need to say the correct thing.

-This is just between you and me.

-Oh, yes. Yes, I know.

Erm, well, thank you very much for your honesty.

What do you think of him?

Hmm.

So, how long have you been having these aches and pains?

Oh, a...month, maybe.

-And the tiredness?

-Yeah, about the same.

Normally, what time would you say you get out of bed?

Oh, er, three or... No, four or five o'clock.

I'm guessing that isn't in the am?

Well, I don't get in till dawn on a work night.

So what is it, some sort of virus?

Actually, I fear we might be looking at something else.

I think you have a vitamin D deficiency.

I'll need to run some more tests to make sure but,

given your symptoms and your nocturnal behaviour,

-I'd say it was a distinct possibility.

-Really?

OK, so what's the fix? Supplements or something?

Supplements will cure the symptoms, but not the underlying cause.

You think and act like you're a 21-year-old man,

but your body's no longer convinced.

You're saying I can't hack it any more?

I'm saying it's time to make a few healthy adjustments.

You could start with getting a few more hours of sunlight in a day.

Yes, and tucked up in bed by ten o'clock?

It's not exactly who I am.

Who you are is a 40-year-old man.

If you wanted to live fast, die young

and leave a good-looking corpse,

I'm sorry, mate, but you've left it too late.

Mate, it's time to make a few concessions.

How many concessions do you make?

We're not talking about me, are we? We're talking about you.

Go and see the nurse, she'll take some blood.

It'll take a couple of days for the test to come through,

but when they do, I'll give you a call, yeah?

Yeah, all right.

Thanks, mate.

You and Maya, you seem like a good match.

Yeah, erm...

Plenty more fish and all that.

Plenty more fish, that's what they say, isn't it?

But, you know what, mathematically, the chances of meeting someone

that you really get on with are incredibly rare.

So if you do find that special person who you have that thing with,

then you should hold on to them for dear life

and you should be incredibly grateful

for that ridiculous mathematical coincidence.

Yeah.

Blood tests.

I know I've let you down.

I've let everyone down. Sierra most of all.

You think I'm a hard cow, but I'm not really.

I know you're not.

I don't want to live like this, Eesh.

This isn't what my life was meant to be.

SOBBING: I'm so ashamed.

Listen to me. You've been down before and you've got through it.

This time, you're going to beat it for good.

I can be there for you, Mum, and so can Carl and Debs.

We just want you to get better so you can be back in our lives.

Yeah, exactly. Just have a read of that, see what you think,

-and then, if you have any more questions...

-Ahem...

Ugh!

-I could take it to the dry-cleaners if you want?

-No.

Anything else?

Er, no.

No, I'll see you around, then?

Unlikely. I'm not really into the clubbing scene any more.

-So, if you just sign this and hand it back.

-OK, thank you.

-Thanks.

I saw this in the paper, I thought you might want to take a look at it.

It's got a roof terrace.

Why don't you take a look at it?

Let me know if it needs a second opinion.

Does that mean...?

I don't know. Maybe we should take a break.

-Why? It's only going to tell me what I already know.

-Which is?

That I'm not getting any younger.

-Maybe try to sell yourself a bit more.

-And you're one in a million.

What are the chances of me meeting somebody

as smart, funny and beautiful as you?

I'm too modest to say.

But you could always aim a little less high.

-I've got to go.

-OK.

Maya, just remember... I know where you work!

Go!

Sorry, yeah...

# Please forgive me

# I never meant to hurt you. #

I want to provide extra provision -

but how can I, without my manager's consent?

It's like I've hit a brick wall

and hundreds of patients are suffering.

I have to say, I can see where Mr Harker is coming from.

Can you?

Well, the commissioning group is not supporting additional minor surgery,

so, really, his hands are tied.

He should've given it more consideration,

not brazenly dismissed it out of hand.

If you ask me, the man is a... What?

Still here?

Yeah, Mrs Tembe and I were discussing a patient.

Oh, yes?

Is that the time?

Actually, Heston, I wanted to ask you something.

Valerie and I are collecting for Hodgkin lymphoma.

Would you care to contribute?

Oh, right, yes, of course.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

HE MUTTERS

It's a very good cause.

There we are.

Thank you. You're very kind.

I can't believe that's the whole story.

She's back with her boyfriend Luke.

He's got a history of violence, not been out of prison long.

You give her money, she'll waste it on booze.

Any idiot knows that, Eesh!

I can't do it!

They are going to take Peanut away

and it is going to be all your fault!

-Shh, babe, shh! Shh, shh, shh!

-SHE SOBS

Caz? It's Ruhma.