Pest Doctors

Zara. Good to see you again.

-Ditto.

-Good holiday?

Invigorating, thank you, Daniel. Survive without me?

Well, we just about managed to keep our heads above water.

THEY CHUCKLE

I sense The Mill's not been the same without you.

Zara's absence is always keenly felt.

How exactly am I meant to interpret that?

In a positive way, darling.

-I heard great things about your breast-feeding campaign.

-Thank you.

Peer-support groups, excellent initiative.

Our three-month breast-feeding stats are up as a result.

The health benefits speak for themselves.

Absolutely. Trish breast-fed both of ours.

And when you factor in the potential cost savings for the NHS.

Yeah. Fewer hospital admissions, GP consultations.

We should build on your success.

How about a meeting to include Ruhma, kick some ideas around?

-Happy to.

-Great. I'll organise it.

I see that you've already brought prescribing costs under budget.

Naturally, I've been keeping an eye on the books.

You've achieved a fair amount in a short while.

Merely the beginning.

More in the partners' meeting later?

ZARA CHUCKLES

I told you so.

We'll see.

What are you going to do about it?

Good morning. About...?

Letters to write.

Do you have an appointment?

-Sticking again.

-I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.

Won't get me on those computers.

I know your game, playing silly beggars.

It's sticking again! What are you going to do about it?!

Um...

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hello?

Oh, you're back! It's SO good to see you!

Valerie. You look wonderful.

No, I don't. Do I?

Full of vim, as my mother used to say. What's your secret?

-Ah, well...

-Actually, I'm glad you dropped by. I wanted to talk to you.

Oh, I've got something to tell you, too.

I wanted to ask you... Oh, I hope this isn't an imposition.

Oh, God, I've gone all jittery!

Whoa-whoa! Ask me what?

Oh! Backtrack, Valerie.

I have news. Very big news.

Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor?

Damn doctors!

-Get it to admin, will you?

-Hey-hey!

I'll be in my office.

Tell Glynnis when she comes.

No, this is a doctors' surgery.

Never had a day's illness in my life, I tell you!

OK, OK.

Not a doctors' surgery to you, is it? Hey!

-Catherine Hall?

-Um...

-Did they move it again?

-This gentleman's looking for his office.

His office?

When we are frozen up within and quite the phantom of ourselves...

I didn't even know you were dating!

Well, I am embracing spontaneity.

Not that I want to be morbid, but it is best to carpe diem.

Well, it's clearly suiting you. Congratulations, Valerie.

So I wanted to ask you...

As you know, I am alone in the world.

Not that I'm asking for sympathy,

but the support you've been, Anthony,

and you've the stature of my father, giant of a man.

Not height-wise, he was actually shorter than most,

-but in the way he was regarded.

-Yes?

Would you give me away?

-I'd be truly honoured.

-Oh!

Oooh! Ha-ha-ha-ha! OK.

Oh, I can't wait to tell everyone!

Oh! Anthony, sorry, me-me-me! Huh!

There was something you wanted to say.

Ah, a work thing. Let's not spoil the moment.

Minor changes to payroll.

Let's keep it under our hats for now, OK?

Right you are.

Oooh! Hm!

Nothing stable in the world, uproar's your only music.

Perhaps you'd like to sit somewhere quieter, Mr, um...?

Don't "Mr" me, damn woman!

Talking as if I was daft!

-I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.

-Nothing stable.

I'm ever so sorry about your office. It's obviously really important.

Hm. Admin will fix it.

Karen, perhaps Rob might know if a nursing home has...

I work in this department, damn it!

I'm not one of your dribbling fools!

Of course. My apologies.

Woman! When I behold thee, flippant,

vain, inconstant, childish,

proud and full of fancies...

Never really been a fan of Keats, myself.

But you obviously are.

Dr Vere, do you have a minute?

Yeah. Um...everything all right?

Could you have a chat with this gentleman?

Mrs Hall, will you come through?

We don't know who he is, but he seems a bit, er...

Tell Glynnis when she comes.

-Glynnis?

-She's never late.

Come for your tutorial?

-Er...

-Fair warning.

If I read another paper on Shelley's treatment of nature,

-I shall go round the bend.

-Actually, I did do the Romantics at GCSE.

First our pleasures die, then our hopes and then our fears.

-Cheery(!)

-And when these are dead, the debt is due. Hm!

Get this to admin, will you? The Y's sticking.

Don't hang about.

Er...yeah. Er...right you are. Yeah.

Oh, Anthony, about the meeting this afternoon.

-The partners' meeting?

-Well, I know I'm not technically a partner,

I still feel I have a contribution to make.

I appreciate you have much to offer, Heston.

-I've had some thoughts on respiratory disease.

-Really?

Using INHALE data to identify risks.

Bing it all over in an e-mail, would you? Good man.

Well, I thought we could discuss it at the meeting.

Meetings are more focused with fewer people, don't you find?

-Well, I...

-Crisper. Cleaner outputs.

Thanks, Heston.

Ooh, hello. Is that university reception?

Hiya. Yeah, it's Karen Hollins from Campus Surgery.

This is going to sound like a daft question.

Did our surgery building...did that used to be the English department?

I know.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'll hold.

Ooh, hello. Yeah. It was? Wow!

OK. Now, this is a long shot,

does she remember a particular English lecturer?

He's... Well, I'm...I'm thinking he must have taught poetry.

Keats and such. He's quite tall.

Early 70s, salt-and-pepper hair.

Well, of course, I was nervous about whether he'd say yes,

but he seemed like a perfect fit because he really has been my rock.

I'm really pleased for you, Valerie.

Anthony's agreed to give me away.

Hm. That's an interesting choice.

He's always putting me first, whether I'm up or down.

You couldn't really ask for more from a real dad, could you?

No, you can't.

I'm really happy for you, Valerie.

Aw, thank you.

You see, you say that, but you don't sound it.

-What?

-You all right?

-Yeah.

Pitman been boring you into submission?

Something like that.

No, thanks, Rob.

As long as his son is going to come and pick him up...

That's not my office. They can't fool me.

-Um...

-Where is it? What have you done with it?

Um...Karen's looking after your typewriter. Look, it's quite safe.

I'm ever so sorry, I'm going to have to go.

Er...what is it, Mr Langley?

It is Philip Langley?

-Yes.

-Well, um...Toby's going to be here soon.

Your son, Toby.

Tell Glynnis to keep him out of my shed.

Little pest!

Rob's said the son's reported him missing.

He does have dementia.

As far as I can tell, without doing a more thorough exam.

Um...he hasn't lost his sense of direction.

D'you know, this place used to be the English department.

The Y. It's stuck.

Oh, I wish I could get it fixed for you. It's a beauty, isn't it?

Don't make them like that any more.

I bet they don't.

And you're very right to stay away from these.

More trouble than they're worth.

Bring it over when you're done.

Um...hang on there, Mr Langley.

Professor Langley to you.

-Sorry.

-I'll...

..be in my office.

Nothing wilts faster than laurels that have been rested on.

Huh! I like that. Is that Keats?

Shelley.

What are you doing with my typewriter?

It's right here, Professor.

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

Um...I want to take you somewhere really fancy for lunch,

but I can't be bothered, so I thought we'd just go to the Icon.

Oh, um...thanks, Al, but I'm really busy here,

so I'm just going to stay.

OK. Yeah.

I'm really busy, too, so...I'll just hang out.

You never know, we might get another really exciting wedding update.

SHE SIGHS Um... Right.

-Donoghue, spill!

-What?

What's going on? I've got all day, I'll just wait it out.

I suppose...my dad.

What about your dad?

Well, I feel like I'm in limbo, just waiting.

Waiting? Waiting for what?

For forgiveness. For absolution.

-Hm. Is that likely to happen?

-What do you mean?

-From what you've said...

-Do you think he'll never forgive me?

Because that is my absolute worst case!

It's just that you shopped your dad into the police

and your family took it really hard.

-Rub it in, Haskey!

-I'm not trying to rub it in.

Look, I can't promise to solve your family conundrum,

but I can promise you really overpriced steak and chips

that I will pay for.

I'll even throw in a soft drink and a cup of coffee.

Go on, then.

My dad, is he here?

Oh, you must be Toby. Toby Langley?

Is he all right? The morning carer found him gone, the police called.

No, no, he's absolutely fine. Just come with me.

-Dad?

-Never get these letters done.

I'm sorry to disturb, Professor.

-Constant interruptions.

-Dad, it's Toby.

Y's sticking.

I told you that thing was broken. Did you get it back out of the shed?

-The secretary's taking it to admin.

-Time to go home.

No! Not time!

Stop messing about, Dad, I've got a class of Year 10s waiting.

Glynnis will fetch me when it's time.

No, we're not having this again.

-Glynnis comes at 5:00!

-No, she doesn't, Dad!

Come on, you know this. Mum's dead!

No!

-No!

-Five years now, give it a rest.

Oh, Professor, I'm so sorry.

She always comes at 5:00!

This world is the nurse of all we know,

this nurse...world is the mother of all we feel.

-Don't start, Dad.

-Oh, Glynnis was your wife?

-You're not helping.

-(I'm trying to calm him.)

-The coming of death is a fearful blow.

-I'm taking you home!

No-one disturb me until Glynnis comes.

Dad, this woman isn't your secretary, you don't work here

and it's time to... Oh, stop playing around!

-Argh!

-Oh!

Oh! Are you all right?!

Oh, no! You just wait...wait...wait there!

Come in, come in.

-I hope it's a productive meeting.

-Thank you, Heston.

It's just a nasty scrape, that's all.

-Apart from having the wind knocked out of you.

-I'm fine.

Where is he?

I'm sorry, he's gone.

-The 73-year-old got away?

-I've...!

I've called the police again

and they're going to send somebody out to Campus right away.

-Any idea where your dad might have gone?

-How would I know?

-Um...has your dad been assessed recently?

-A while back.

Onset of Alzheimer's. Carers in twice a day. Why?

Oh, um...just the dementia seemed fairly advanced, that's all.

It's not that bad. I should know, I check on him most days.

He's just playing up this morning.

You do know that as the dementia progresses,

your father's care needs may change?

I need to find the old so-and-so.

Um...was Professor Langley a professor here?

20 years ago. I'm sorry, I don't have time to reminisce.

No, no. Just give me two ticks.

I want to see if I can find out where admin was 20 years ago.

TOBY SIGHS

-Travel clinic?

-Well, that's just one example.

It's vital that we get more through, but look at last quarter's figures.

We have to broaden to respond to the current climate.

It's about being proactive, not merely reactive.

Anticipating future trends.

We've never had much demand for travel jabs.

Great point, Jimmi. So how do we create that demand,

given how lucrative this area can be?

We could register as a yellow fever clinic, I suppose.

People pay to have the jab without being registered at The Mill.

And we attract new patients. This is the kind of thinking we need.

And I've given some thought as to how else we might diversify.

I've excellent contacts in HGV driver training.

I know a firm looking to jump ship

for all its clients' medical requirements.

They're a big business. What if we step up to the plate?

-Hang on.

-No, you hang on. What sort of figures are we talking about?

I have the proposal right here.

The Mill has never been about winning business contracts.

It's a radical shift in direction.

How's this fit into patient-centred care, if that's still our mission?

We're being patient-centred by growing the business, surely?

Time, that aged nurse.

Jimmi's right to say it's not been done before.

Doing things differently must become our mantra.

The NHS is changing. It's imperative that we're on the front foot.

The figures are certainly impressive.

Do we have the manpower?

I retained Sid's services to cover the extra work.

I must commend you on spotting his potential.

How did you manage to mould him into such a capable young doctor?

It was merely a matter of looking beneath the surface.

He'll be a great asset.

It's not just about manpower. What about the clinic timetables?

-We're bursting at the seams.

-I'm examining areas we can streamline.

-Is that possible?

-Definitely.

I'm also looking at cost-saving methods

in the non-patient-facing areas.

We can definitely cut wastage in supplies, payroll, insurance.

Thinking leaner is paramount.

Look, I'm keen to close the loop here. Shall we put it to the vote?

Those in favour of diversifying?

Jimmi, any objections?

Well, that's carried, then.

If the receptionist remembered rightly,

the admin block used to be this way.

Wild-goose chase, I reckon.

Well, he wanted to get his typewriter fixed.

He said he'd got loads of letters to write.

Professor Langley, man of letters.

When it suited.

What d'you mean?

Ancient history.

Well, were you not close?

I mean, obviously, you know, you're looking out for him

because you're going in nearly every day, but...

I do it because I have to.

Um...well, it can't be easy.

Which way now?

Um...

You not hungry?

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so drained all the time.

You should've had the steak, a bit of iron.

Sorry, I'm not very good company.

Oh, that's all right.

I've brought you out to cheer you up and you're showing me up

to be an abysmal failure, so it's not a problem.

So, what's up? Is this your dad?

OK. Lately, I've, um...

Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad I was there for Emma.

Yeah.

But it's taken its toll, maybe.

Oh, I sound so selfish.

No, not at all. Keep going.

And seeing Ayesha, with her...family struggles, you know,

-it just makes me think of my own.

-Hm. Families.

A talent for self-destruction bordering on genius.

Not my wise words.

That's October 29th, 1977, Doctor Who.

I think Tom Baker was talking about the world in general, but it still applies.

So, I pour my heart out to you and you give me Doctor Who?

You're welcome.

Professor Langley, are you all right?

-Damn idiots!

-What's happened?

I'll try and find out. Will you stay with him?

-I'm his son. Is he OK?

-As far as I know, sir, yeah.

-Are you hurt?

-They won't fix it.

It's a conspiracy.

It's horrible when they don't understand you, isn't it?

Come on, let's get up.

Do you want a hand? No?

Whoopsie! Heh-heh!

Just seems like there's nothing to look forward to.

Well, that is blatantly not true.

Valerie is about to leap out of her own wedding cake

while Barry sings some Val Doonican song,

-dressed in his security outfit.

-Al!

You know, I'm going to videotape that from every angle possible

and watch it every Halloween and just laugh at them.

Why shouldn't Valerie grab at any chance of happiness

that comes her way after what she's been through?

Yeah, course. I'm just saying.

Who are you to judge them? You of all people!

-Of all people?

-Yeah. Just criticising from the sidelines.

I'm not criticising, I'm just making a joke about them.

Yeah, a joke always at other people's expense!

Hang on, we're talking about Pitman and Bigalow here.

And they're making something of their lives together.

-What are you doing with your life?!

-What are you having a go at me for?

Because you're really happy to slap people down

while you just drift along!

I'm just trying to cheer you up.

Yeah, you've done a great job, thanks(!)

You can't go around abusing people, Dad!

Incompetents, all of them. Damn pests!

Everyone's incompetent to you.

It's OK, they understand your dad's vulnerable, sir.

-Vulnerable?

-With the dementia.

Dad's always been a cantankerous...

Lashing out over a typewriter.

You got your priorities straight, as usual(!) We're going!

Glynnis!

For heaven's sake!

It's terrifying when there's nothing you quite recognise, isn't it?

There's nothing to hold on to. I bet you miss Glynnis for that.

Fade far away, dissolve and quite forget.

I don't know much about poetry, but I do know about forgetting.

Birth is but a sleep and a forgetting.

It is like a dream, isn't it? It's...

faces you recognise, but you just can't quite...

-And the names slip away and...

-Quite forget.

Great gaps everywhere.

Great big holes that you can fall down.

I've got you, Professor. And Toby's here, look.

Zara! Enjoyed hearing your ideas today.

It was a most refreshing meeting.

We're naturally aligned in our visions, don't you think?

-Daniel and I are both ambitious for the practice.

-Evidently.

With regards to that,

-I've been thinking some thoughts to people development.

-Excuse me.

Crucial to the success of any business.

-Absolutely.

-I wondered if you might conduct some staff appraisals?

-Appraisals?

-A temperature check, how happy people are,

what their core competencies are,

whether this surgery can move them forwards in their career.

-Am I the best person for this?

-Why wouldn't you be?

Well, being out of the practice for months.

I need someone with a fresh pair of eyes.

Someone who's future-focused.

Someone who looks beneath the surface.

Are you comfortable, Professor?

How did you do that? It's a constant battle with us.

Oh, it's because I'm not family. I'm less likely to push his buttons.

I never could...connect with him.

You calm him right down.

Um...I had a head injury a while back. It's a long story.

But there are still things that I can't remember and, er...

Losing those memories, it's...it's like losing yourself.

I thought I was the lost one.

How d'you mean?

I was only the little pest before.

Now he's losing his memory, it's like I've never existed.

Wiped out.

I'm sure he doesn't want to wipe you out.

I even wrote to him once.

I don't know what possessed me, really, but I wanted to...

TOBY SIGHS

There's nothing between us. He's barely spoke a word to me.

And I wanted to...spill my guts and...he never wrote back.

He never even mentioned it.

I'm sorry.

-Some people find it hard to show love, don't they?

-Maybe.

-Apologies if I was a bit...

-Oh, no, forget it!

Oh, hey, um...I don't want to seem like I'm interfering, but...

what the doctor said, is it time to review his care needs

if, like you said, the dementia's advancing?

I've not wanted to think about it, I suppose.

KAREN SIGHS

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Hello?

Al?

I'm actually expecting a patient, Niamh,

and I think you said everything there was to say earlier.

You didn't deserve that.

I'm all over the place at the moment. Um...

D'you know, I found myself actually...

..envying Valerie's cancer diagnosis

because she has a plan and she knows what she's going to do.

I mean, that's just crazy!

Yeah. There might be a modicum of crazy.

Look, let's take a few steps back, right?

You're in the middle of a really rough couple of months

and I hadn't realised, you're probably

holding that household together, aren't you?

I'm not going to blame Ayesha and Emma for this. It's...

Hm. Maybe...maybe there isn't anyone to blame.

Come here.

Oh!

I'm really sorry.

You never have to apologise to me.

That's not true.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Hello?

Mr Lissard's delayed, Al.

-Ooh, Niamh, can I borrow you?

-Um...

I need an opinion on my corsage colour schemes.

No way! A corsage colour scheme for your wedding?

Mm. Obviously, I need something that complements

mine and Barry's complexion. And Anthony's, of course.

So I was thinking ivory and blush.

That sounds lovely and fresh, Valerie.

I'm sorry, I have to wholeheartedly disagree, Dr Donoghue.

When I think of Barry, which is often,

I think of autumnal colours.

-Reds and oranges, rusty browns.

-Really?

Yeah. And a hat. A nice, tall, elegant hat.

I'm so sorry, I forgot to send those bloods off. I...

Listen, it's not going to take long

-because I've narrowed it down to eight options.

-Oh!

The carer will be around by 6:00.

Glynnis is coming at 5:00.

No, Dad, Mum isn't...!

Regular as clockwork, wasn't she?

She knew you were in a stew if she was late.

And a slice of pie.

You mean her steak pie?

-Steak pie, of course.

-Her best.

Might even be a recipe here somewhere.

TOBY SIGHS

We look before and after...

And pine for what is not.

The Y...it's sticking.

I'll try and fix it, Dad.

Fix it.

I know I haven't been, um...

I will try.

Take a letter, will you?

You can manage to post a letter, can't you?

I probably can.

Who are you writing to?

That little pest.

To who?

Dear...Tob...

Dear...Tob...

Sticking!

Dear...Tob...

Tob...

I'll make sure he gets it.

Dear...Tob...

The best leaders aren't always the most popular.

Jimmi didn't seem impressed, did he?

Well, some people can't cope with change.

Actually, that's a good way to go with the appraisals.

How well do you respond to change?

Hm. I wish I could be a fly on the wall.

Adapt to survive.

Excuse me. Meeting went well?

-Exceedingly well.

-Delighted to hear it.

Zara is sold on the new management.

I'm sure Anthony has some radical plans.

Ah, certain changes in direction, yeah.

He's exactly what this place needs.

In my view, Anthony is a breath of fresh air.

See you.

-You can't manage!

-Well, I've got you for that!

-Mum, I can't do everything!

-There's no point you being here, then.

-You're a very fine doctor.

-Mm.

-And I happen to know quite a few.

They all propping up the bar on their own, drinking wine by the bottle?

-Cheers!

-Cheers!

The rest are on the gin.

-What d'you reckon?

-I think she's at the end of her tether.