Songs of Appraisal Doctors

So you're probably going to be up to your neck in it today.

I will pick up some lunch for you.

I won't be, but thank you, that's sweet.

It's going to be OK today.

I know.

What?

-Spit it out, Daniel.

-What?

Whatever it is you're bursting to say. Probably something about me

remembering to use my softer, more naturally, empathetic side.

Funnily enough, I was going to remind you that some people

find this kind of day a little stressful.

So, yes, a more tactful approach is generally better.

I can do tact.

Sid's appraisal went really well.

All I have to do is ask the questions, tick the boxes, let them

waffle on a little bit and then say, "Well done," and show them

to the door with a winning smile.

Not sure that's exactly what Anthony had in mind.

As far as I'm concerned it's going to be a cushy day with no patients

and in between appraisals I can blitz breast-feeding reports.

All right. Good luck.

Thank you, but luck doesn't come into it.

Do we have a full appointment schedule today?

-Yes. Completely full.

-That's my repeat prescriptions done.

But we are going to have to do a lot of juggling, because of these appraisals.

Well, do your best to spread the work load as evenly as you can.

We're all going to have put our shoulders to the wheel.

-Morning.

-Hi.

All set for the appraisals?

Yes. Yes, I'm ready.

Excellent. I did a lot of research compiling the new forms.

-Actually I did have one query.

-Shoot.

Favourite music tracks. Really?

Ah. I'll e-mail you the link.

It's a recent work-based study on the connection between music

and people's emotional states.

Apparently it can play a huge part in boosting productivity

-and creating a positive atmosphere.

-Right.

-I'll leave it with you,

but I think it'd be really interesting to focus on how those

track choices relate to people in a work sense. What do you think?

Just have some fun with it.

Go with the flow.

PHONE PLAYS Heroes by David Bowie

MUSIC STOPS

-Oh, I love that track!

-Interesting choice.

So why pick it?

Because it reminds me of school discos and my first snog with...

Uh-uh-uh! Enough information.

Well, I was... I was a New Romantic. I still am at heart.

OK. Well, so bringing us back to the more immediate past -

the last year, say - how do you think things

have been going, generally, at The Mill?

-W-What, staff-wise?

-Well, yes.

How long have you got? There's been so much going on.

Erm...well, there was Treehouse

and...Mr Bellamy.

Mrs Tembe leaving,

Valerie and Barry's great romance,

Ayesha and her mum - that was mayhem -

and then, of course, Heston

and the very attractive new midwife Ruhma.

-No way!

-Yes way.

Since when?

Oh, no. I mean, she's very lovely and I don't want to gossip.

Karen.

I was a bit of a matchmaker

and I think that Heston is really quite smitten.

You are kidding? Why has no-one kept me informed?

Well, you have to blame Daniel.

He's got to keep his finger on the pulse, hasn't he?

Wow. Heston. I had no idea.

Honestly, my appraisal was plain sailing.

I really don't think there's anything sinister to it,

it's just a little chat about how things are going.

So naive. You have no idea what The Man is capable of.

-The Man?

-Yeah, The Man.

Al has a somewhat negative view of Anthony's machinations.

Oh. Right. But you're not worried though?

No. But do I object?

I'm a doctor, not a box-ticker.

Chop chop, boys. It's backing up out there.

Oh! I meant to say,

top marks for your work on the mental health stall, Sid.

Really inspired. Excellent idea. Had some fantastic feedback.

Really? Great! Thanks! I'd better crack on.

You know what? I do feel like I need a new challenge.

It's... It's like I've got this... charge of energy

and I don't know what to do with it.

OK, ideas. What could you channel this energy in to?

Haven't got a clue.

Oh, come on, Karen. What occurs to you instinctively.

Off the top of my head? Mountain-climbing!

I-I just mean something that is more

fittingly pertaining to your role at The Mill.

I've always fancied a Brands Hatch day.

Come on, Karen, this is about your future,

not some Red Letter weekend.

I know there's something I want, I just don't know what it is.

OK, so...lots to think about.

Definitely! I mean, I really think we're getting somewhere here!

Well, maybe you should draw up a bucket-list

and then decide where you're going to start - land, sea or air.

I will! You've really got me going now. I'm buzzing!

Glad to have helped.

No, seriously! That was brilliant!

-Karen?

-Hm?

Oh! Thank you! I'll see you later!

It smells like Management Manure to me.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion.

No doubt dreamt up by some bored think-tank of executives

just trying to justify their over-inflated pay packets,

so they can suppress the proletariat!

The appraisal system is simply designed to be a useful tool

for an open two-way dialogue.

I don't need to be appraised to express my opinion,

-thank you very kindly.

-That is abundantly clear, Al.

Ah! How's it going?

-Great. We've hit the ground running.

-Excellent.

There was one thing I forgot to brief you on. I think it would be

useful to have a grading system for each employee,

just so we have some way of measuring individual outcomes.

-Grading?

-I am not a number, I am a free man!

-Al...

I'm disappointed in you, Carmichael, being used as a puppet

by this regime and we need to cut those strings!

Come on, Mr Sharrett!

Just a simple star system - one to five, five being excellent.

Here, this gives you a brief overview.

I'm not sure this is a good idea.

Just a simple yardstick to measure each individual outcome, because, otherwise, we...

If you'd like to go through, I'll be with you in just a second.

It's not about judging people.

OK, how about I get everybody to grade themselves?

Is that an idea?

-Yes, that could work.

-Great.

-Sorry.

-It's all right. Can we crack on though?

Fine. Would you like to play your track?

Really?

PHONE PLAYS Single Ladies by Beyonce

MUSIC STOPS

Do you know what? I do love that track but THIS is killing it.

Fine. So what was the significance of choosing it?

It's just music that I like.

Right. OK, well, let's just go for a quick review of how things

are going at The Mill. I mean, generally?

Everything seems to be running OK.

And what about staff-wise?

Well, if I've got a problem with anyone, they know about it.

I say it how I see it.

So you're happy working here?

Yeah. Patients are mostly OK. We all get on. No complaints.

Well, let's talk about the future, then.

In terms of your aims and goals, where do you see yourself

in, say, a year's time?

Pretty much where I am now.

Mind how you go, Mr Sharrett.

Dr Carter, have you been in for the Ministry of Truth yet?

Not yet. I think I'm in last.

You know, our esteemed leader is going to grade us on the basis of this?

-What?

-Yeah, literally going to slap a seasoned professional

such as yourself with a C- or a D+.

-That's ridiculous.

-I've a good mind to complain to the BMA.

-Really?

No. But I could.

My appraisal was brilliant! It was inspirational!

What on earth is going on in that room?

I'm saying that if you show no desire to develop your career,

then it's hard for us, as partners,

to see the point in investing more in you.

I'm not stocks or shares, I'm a nurse.

I don't need investment, just my monthly pay.

But you can't just stand still.

Chance would be a fine thing given how many patients I have to deal with

and the last thing I need is a lecture from a doctor saying how I should be doing more!

-I didn't mean that.

-No disrespect,

but I don't tell you how you could do your job better.

-OK, you've clearly misunderstood.

-So have you. Anyway, I've got patients to see, if that's OK?

-Could you just at least give yourself a grade?

-A grade?

Yes, on overall performance, out of five, five being "excelling in all areas."

-No idea.

-Just a rough estimate.

What's...three?

-"Meeting some, exceeding others."

-That'll do. Put me down for that.

And can you remind Al...

that he's next?

So what exactly did Zara ask you?

Oh, you know, future plans, aims, ambitions, that sort of thing.

Mr Clarke, would you like to go straight through?

So she asked you to draw up a bucket list?

-PHONE RINGS

-How did you know that?

-Been there, done that.

Mill Health Centre. How can I help?

Oh, how did she get on?

-That bad?

-Worse. Anyway, Zara says she's ready when you are.

No can do, I'm in the middle of a patient prescription

and my printer has just gone on the blink.

Well, I could take yours now. Swap later.

Perfect! Thanks, VP!

Thank you.

If you go so much as even an inch close to saying,

"I told you so," Daniel. No?

-No. Very wise.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Look, I've got to go. Yep. Yes. OK. Bye.

Al's busy with a patient, so I suggested that I squeeze...

-Oh, erm...I wasn't expecting...

-I've brought my favourite.

OK. Hit me.

PHONE PLAYS Power Of Love by Jennifer Rush

MUSIC STOPS

Normally it'd be Ricky Delaney,

but she's got such an incredible voice.

Mm. And why did you choose this?

Well, the message, mainly. You know, all about following your heart.

I think that's really the only way to be happy.

And are you happy working at The Mill?

-Oh, definitely. I really do feel at home here.

-Good. Good.

Which means a lot to me because of the cancer.

-Right.

-Which has drained me dry.

And I don't just mean the treatment, which is exhausting enough,

but...the weight of carrying it every day.

It must be tough. Still, you've got the wedding to look forward to.

Oh, that's one thing that's keeping me going.

I want it to be absolutely perfect.

I'm sure it will be.

Obviously I had to accept the fact that there were limits in the budget.

Well, you can be...creative.

Exactly. And I drew the line at the dress.

No compromise there.

-Well, I'm sure it looks amazing.

-Oh, it does.

Oh, you should see it, Zara.

Actually, we do really need to just get back to the appraisal.

So where do you see yourself five years from now?

Dead.

I'm not being funny,

it's just better to face these things, isn't it?

I-I-I suppose.

On a brighter note, there is something that I wanted to raise.

OK.

Something that I think would definitely help me to be more positive.

I'd like a permanent contract here.

Right.

I mean, just to have that little bit of security, you know?

OK, well, I will make sure that, as soon as possible,

I speak to the partners about that.

Oh, and Ayesha mentioned a star system.

You can just put me down for five stars. Thanks.

What was I talking...? Oh, yeah, the dress!

Oh, yeah, you see, it's not exactly A-line,

-but it has got a tight bit at the top, which sort of...

-Wow.

..flares out at the bottom, there.

You should be in with Zara.

They can't hit a moving target. No, thank you.

You think you can dodge it?

I dodged every school PE lesson from 1983 through to 1989.

This is easy in comparison.

-They can stick their appraisals right where...

-SHE CLEARS THROAT

Oh, hi, Anthony.

Not making any exceptions, Al. You're in after Niamh.

This ain't over.

PHONE PLAYS One Day Like This by Elbow

Got to love that song. It nearly always makes me cry.

Please, don't.

-MUSIC STOPS

-It's a bit early and...

I haven't had a drink, so you should be safe.

Right.

I'm going to ask you to think back over the last year.

How do you think things have gone generally at the practice?

Good.

We have ups and downs, but, generally, we're a good team.

So you feel like you're on top of everything now?

Yeah. I'm really enjoying my work. Actually, I've never been happier.

Great! So in terms of your future professional development,

what is it that you hope to achieve?

Well, it's going to sound kind of bad,

but actually...I'm really comfortable where I am.

Comfortable? Well, that's not a word you should be using.

You do realise that the point of these appraisals is to

identify areas that are in need for improvement.

Well...yes, but I'm doing OK though, aren't I?

OK is not good enough.

You need more training or experience in a new discipline.

A special area of interest. Paediatrics.

-Geriatrics.

-I don't know.

It's taken me a while to settle into this job as it is.

I'd rather wait until things are on an even keel.

We all know how you struggled early on.

You had to get over a real crisis of confidence.

Yes, we've covered that, thank you.

But that's no excuse to keep treading water professionally.

-It feels like you are trying to undermine me.

-No.

I'm just trying to point out that you will go

nowhere in your career, unless you pursue it.

It's not that I'm not ambitious.

Well, that's what it sounds like. Distinctly like you lack in focus.

I thought this was going to be an informal chat?

I'm just being honest.

And you have to be honest with yourself too.

You know what? I've got work to do.

Yes, but, Niamh...

we haven't finished...

Oh! Are you OK?

Do I look it?

I take it the appraisal did not go well?

-Appraisal? It was more like interrogation.

-Oh, dear.

-I'm in later, after Emma.

-Good luck. You'll need it.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

Haskey.

Take a seat.

Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with a blank form.

OK. Not blank. You managed to write your name.

I'll tell you what, let's start with your favourite track.

It might put us both in a better mood.

-PHONE:

-# ..Fight the power... #

Thank you.

-Thank you, Al!

-# ..Fight the power... #

Moving on.

What do you feel you've contributed to the practice

over the last year and where do you think you're heading?

-PHONE:

-# We're on the road to nowhere... #

-Funny(!)

-# ..Come on inside... #

Funny, Al(!)

Perhaps you prefer that we talk about you.

How do you currently feel about working here?

# We've got to get out of this place...

# If it's the last thing we ever do... #

Please, just stop the music, Al!

MUSIC STOPS

This appraisal is supposed to be about helping you

and if you refuse to even talk to me...

Please, just say something.

# I hate you so much right now I hate you so much right now... #

Fine. You've made your point.

Just go.

# I'm free to do what I want any old... #

-ON PHONE:

-'Hi.'

Hi. How you doing? Almost finished?

'You could say that.'

I'm about ready to kill someone. Preferably Al.

'Really?'

-Don't say anything.

-'I won't.'

Hey, how about a chicken Caesar?

Daniel, I just don't care!

'I'm just about to pass by your favourite patisserie.

'Maybe I could pick you up one of your...?' PHONE BEEPS

Zara?

That's rude.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

Oh, sorry. It's... It's been a hell of a day.

-Do you mind if we don't take too long over this?

-Suits me.

It's just that I am snowed under with patients.

Sorry, this has been a pain for everybody.

Well, it's not your fault.

So let's start with your track?

I just didn't have time...

You know what? Don't worry about it. It was Anthony's idea.

Let's crack on with these instead, shall we?

The first question is about a general overview of the last year.

Let's fast forward.

Understandable. This next one is about professional development.

Well, there are three courses that I'm considering,

although one of them may involve me taking some time off.

I need to up my admin rate,

I'm falling behind on the patient summaries,

but apart from that, I'm pretty much on top of things.

Er...biggest failing, stats.

-I hate doing them.

-Don't we all?

But, you know, I'm aiming to get better

-and last month was quicker, so...

-Excellent.

And how are you feeling...things are going on a personal level?

Is this you subtly steering me to talk about Howard?

No steering, but obviously if you want to talk about...

Absolutely not.

I'm coping. That's all.

-Pretty emphatic.

-That's how I feel about it.

Grieving...can be a long and difficult process.

Maybe there are issues which you think you've dealt with

-and then they resurface later?

-What issues?

I mean, specifically, I don't know.

Just...the loss of someone so close is so difficult.

You've had a very tough time.

Not as tough as for some and you just keep going, don't you? So...

Absolutely and you have done brilliantly.

I don't know how you've managed it. Just the volume of your workload,

taking time out to look after Ayesha and not to mention your responsibilities as a landlady.

And the miscarriage on top of the loss of Howard...

What?

Sorry.

Should I not have said?

How do you know?

Well, Daniel told me.

Daniel?

Right.

Yes, of course.

Well, it's good to know that my most intimate details are being

bandied around the surgery.

Now, look, don't be so paranoid.

I'm just trying to offer you a supportive...

-Supportive?! You?! Is that a joke!

-This is just like you, Emma!

You're always flying off the handle!

Where, of course, you take criticism so perfectly, I suppose!

-OK, this is going nowhere.

-Why am I not surprised?!

You asking me about my personal life, well, that's just another

little task, isn't it, to tick off your list!

Well, real life isn't that straightforward - thank God!

It is sad and it is messy and that is what makes it worthwhile,

but you will never understand that.

I don't know why I'm wasting my breath!

You have absolutely no natural compassion for me or anybody else!

DOOR SLAMS

SHE SIGHS

So, how did go?

The earth moved, darling. How was it for you?

Come on, you must have got something from it?

Absolutely. I feel all...empowered.

Excellent. So you've changed your opinion of the appraisal process?

Yes, I'm actually looking forward to the next one.

What did you think of my addition, the music bit?

The music was my favourite part.

# I'm free to do what I want Any old time. #

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Thank you. That was spiritually replenishing.

Well, that's answers my first question.

So the next question is a general overview of the past year.

Do we have to? I've made notes.

Yes, you have. Copious ones.

OK, let's skip to the next bit, personal development.

How are you feeling about your role here at The Mill?

I'm not sure my emotional state is anyone's business.

It's important to talking about these things.

I don't really want to share that kind of information.

Well, the whole point of this appraisal process is that

it's about your opinions. Your feelings, they matter.

Do they? Do they really?

Of course. This is all strictly in confidence, Heston.

I don't think anyone would bother listening

if they were broadcast all over Letherbridge!

So you feel like no-one is listening to you?

You have communication issues.

I have been a doctor long enough to know when I'm being treated

with respect and when I'm being treated like a junior lackey.

I am a highly effective, senior member of staff.

-Yes, of course...

-No, no, no, I'm resolving our communication issues.

I am fed up with the lack of recognition. OK...

-If I pull more than my weight it is taken for granted!

-Heston...

If I come up with an initiative, credit is given to someone else!

Hell is empty and all the devils are here!

Heston.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Heston...

-Ta-da!

Erm...I just saw Heston in the corridor.

Am I right in saying that things haven't gone exactly to plan?

Understatement of the year.

Well, you are in luck, because there is some good news.

I passed by your favourite patisserie, as a backup...

Any wine?

No.

Daniel, everyone hates me.

-I don't.

-Oh, that makes it all right then.

I made a total hash of this.

I bet you didn't. And I'll prove it.

Do me.

Do you?

No, appraise me.

-Oh, Daniel!

-All right, fine. I'll do you.

Er...

Oops. That... No. Better. The royal pen.

OK, er...how have I contributed to the practice?

Blah, blah, blah. Future development. Ah!

Where do you see yourself later this evening?

May I help you fill this one out?

OK, I see myself at home in my bath,

with my extraordinarily good-looking partner,

with a glass of white wine, chilled.

Specific aims and ambitions. Right.

That's not... That's not easy... Ah, it is easy.

I want to get to bed super early, because I want to...

HE MUTTERS

-Daniel!

-SHE LAUGHS

And I want to listen to my favourite track in the world, which is...

Etta James, because...

she sings like she just...

BOTH: ..doesn't care.

# I don't want you to be no slave

# I don't want you to work all day

# But I want you to be true

# And I just wanna make love to you

# Love to you ooh-ooh

# Love to you... #

Well done, Dr Carmichael. Five stars.

Would you do me the honour of being my wife?

No, wait.

-But it's my big night, I'm going to go bold.

-Good for you.

-Sid.

-Zach. How you doing?

Let's just have a nice drink, eh?

He's got off lightly.

You've got to admit, this is the most boring stag ever.

-To Valerie.

-Cheers!

-To Valerie!

-ALL:

-Valerie!