I Know She Lies Doctors

-Are you all right?

-Just about.

I haven't been woken up like that

for a long time.

-You don't mind, do you?

-No.

-THEY GIGGLE

I only do it because I can't get enough of you.

No-one makes me feel as good as you do.

-Ha-ha!

-No, it's true.

-I love it when you lie to me.

-It's not a lie.

-Really?

-I swear.

Wouldn't you prefer someone a bit younger?

Young men are boring.

They'd have a lot more energy than I do.

You had plenty of energy a few minutes ago.

Where it matters, you're younger than all the men I've been with.

-You are.

-I believe every word.

You'd better. I won't have the father of my baby calling me a liar.

Oh, he wasn't that sort of a man.

You can't tell by looking at someone.

-Did you know he was leaving?

-No.

Um...everyone, just a moment of your time, please.

As you know, we had to let Mr Harker go.

-Yes, why?

-What'd he do?

There were a number of reasons.

His attitude towards the staff, one or two people in particular, was a problem.

-Well, he was always very nice to me.

-And me.

We also had complaints from some of the patients.

-That's true.

-And there were some other considerations.

What other considerations?

His approach to the business didn't really fit the practice philosophy.

What does that mean?

It means that I don't really want to go into it right now, but, er...

it wasn't something that we came to lightly.

It was a tough decision to make. It was very serious.

OK? Thanks.

-This is so exciting!

-What, seeing a doctor?

He's one of your old friends and it's our baby's first appointment.

Maybe I can get him to tell me all the things you did together.

-I hope not.

-I want to know everything.

-Trust me, you don't.

-Yes, I do, because I love you

and because I've got a little bit of you growing inside me.

-Is that really how you look at it?

-Come here, sexy.

Why did we leave so early?

Because you said we should.

I thought there'd be more traffic.

Ah, well, we get to spend a bit more time in Stratford.

-Have you finished it?

-No. I got all lost.

It's all that bit about poison, and poison that isn't poison,

and who's related to who.

It's about innocence, jealousy and trust.

Yeah, I know that. But it's all that subplot!

Hopefully it'll come clear tonight.

It's supposed to be a very good production.

It's not a comedy, though, is it?

Some say it is. Some are romance, some are tragedy.

-Mm.

-A bit like my life.

-Poor Heston(!)

-SHE CHUCKLES

What do you think of that?

Yeah, I like it. Why, don't you?

I'm not sure.

You're bored, aren't you?

-Come on, let's get you a cup of tea and a slice of cake.

-Oh!

-You can tell me all about Cymbeline.

-Really?

Yeah. Believe it or not, I like it when you pontificate.

I'll pontificate you in a minute. SHE CHUCKLES

When you're not grumpy because you had to get up too early,

I can't think of anyone who's more fun to be with.

-Is that true?

-Yeah. Cross my heart, hope to die.

That's wonderful news! Congratulations!

But I have to ask, are you sure you're going to be happy with this old reprobate?

-Less of the old.

-Definitely.

And the first thing you have to do is to tell me everything you two got up to.

Ah. Well, I would do, but I can't remember.

You'd better not. Hm!

Any questions about the pregnancy?

There is one thing.

I was doing some research on the internet...

Always dangerous.

It said there's an increased risk of autism with older fathers.

-She thinks I'm ancient.

-I do not! I never think twice about your age.

-Especially when we're in bed.

-Of course you don't.

I just want to be sure the baby's OK.

Of course. There is some evidence to suggest an increased risk,

but it's really small. It's nothing to worry about.

Now, I'm going to refer you for an antenatal appointment.

-Are you taking folic acid?

-Yes.

-Great. OK.

Da-da-da! You probably know everything there is to know on these forms,

but just in case, take those with you.

And once again, congratulations.

There was nothing wrong with the way Anthony treated people. The man was a saint.

I wouldn't go quite that far.

I sometimes felt he was trying to manipulate me.

Well, he was very kind and generous to me when I had my cancer. And with the wedding.

He made a show of doing the right thing.

That wasn't a show!

And even if it was, that's no reason to sack him.

-It wasn't the only reason.

-Well, "other considerations".

They must think we're fools. Why didn't they just say what it was?

-Well, maybe they couldn't.

-I bet it was something well dodgy.

-That's ridiculous!

-Why, because he had you fooled?

Do you really think that was all for show, all those things he said?

-I wouldn't be surprised.

-I trusted him.

Well, maybe he meant them. I mean, no-one is completely bad...or good.

-See you at home later?

-Mm.

Shopping.

-So, what do you think?

-I think she's lovely.

-A bit young?

-A little bit.

You think I'm an old lech, don't you?

Well, you were many things, Adam, but never a lech.

-We had some, er...wild times.

-We did.

So this is a big departure from the Adam I knew.

-How old is she?

-28.

-28? A student?

-No, no, I'd never do that!

You have changed. Heh-heh!

A junior lecturer, a brilliant one at that.

Listen, why don't I buy you lunch, tell you all about it?

-Sure. Shall we say one?

-Mm.

Daniel? Sorry, I just wanted to have a quick word about Anthony.

-It was quite a surprise.

-Yeah, for all of us.

Was it really that bad? I thought he was great for the Mill.

He was forward-thinking, resourceful, dynamic.

Yeah. Er...I think he took a few of us in.

So, what were they, then, the other considerations?

-I can't say.

-Not even a little hint?

-No.

OK. And the, er... the King's Green merger?

-Is there really no way we can go ahead with that?

-I'm afraid not.

It seemed like such a brilliant idea.

Yeah. Well, not as good as Anthony made it sound. Thank you.

-Except for him.

-Yeah.

What we want to do is make the Campus number one commitment.

-And you don't think there's room for both?

-No.

-No.

Are you sure? I mean, I could have a look at the proposals.

You know, a fresh pair of eyes.

We've been through it all very thoroughly.

-Thanks, though.

-Right.

Any word on the new practice manager?

BOTH: Not yet.

Aw! I love swans.

It's so romantic how they mate for life.

Apparently, they cheat on each other all the time.

-What?

-One in six cygnets is illegitimate.

Well, that's terrible!

How do you know these things?

I wish I had your brain.

Shak and Alia expect me to be a walking Wikipedia.

And with A levels and GCSEs coming up...

Well, if you were living with me, I could help them.

-Oh, you snuck that in nicely.

-It's true!

-Heston, we've been through this.

-You need to sit them down

and calmly and logically explain the advantages.

Yeah, they're teenagers, they don't understand logic.

-I think they're having a threesome.

-Don't say that!

Oh, that one's showing me its bottom.

I think that one fancies you.

-Mark!

-Er...I-I need your help, Mr Burt.

How did you find out where I live?

I can't fail again. I've got £35,000 worth of student debt

-and nothing to show for it.

-I'm sorry, but...

There must be someone you can talk to, something you can do.

You've already been given a second chance!

If my father finds out I've failed my degree, he'll disown me.

-There really is nothing I can do!

-I have nowhere to live, no money and no job!

-That's not my fault!

-You have to help me!

-You owe me.

-I don't owe you anything!

-You spent the whole time partying and chasing women!

-That's not true!

And when I warned you, you said I was a clapped-out, jealous old man!

You've ruined my life!

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

Michelle.

-I had to see you without Adam.

-Everything OK?

I don't need those tests, I'm not really worried about autism.

OK. Well, they're just standard antenatal tests.

-There's no special test for autism.

-Oh.

Which begs the question, why did you bring it up if you're not worried?

-It's complicated.

-Try me.

I don't really want to talk about it.

Would you rather see a female doctor?

No, no, it's nothing like that, it's just,

you're Adam's friend.

OK. Well, rest assured, anything said here is strictly confidential.

It's not Adam's.

It's not what you think. I love him, I really do. It's just...

OK, take a breath.

He can't ever find out that the baby isn't his. I don't want to hurt him.

Well, I won't tell him. I can't.

Is there any way he can find out?

Could he...get a paternity test?

Well, they're easy enough to do, but people don't tend to ask for them

unless there's a pretty good reason to do so.

No, I guess not.

What about the baby's father?

Oh, he doesn't know. I don't want him to.

Er...Jimmi?

-Why didn't you tell me what was going on with Anthony?

-Sorry?

I know I'm not a partner, but I have as much right to know as anyone.

I didn't know. Daniel kept me in the dark. If I'd have known, I would've told you.

Yes, well, somebody should have!

If you were a partner, you would have been there.

Ah, but I'm not, though, am I?

So, have you thought any more about that?

-PHONE RINGS

-Well... Oh, sorry. Hello?

Oh, hello. Yes, thanks for getting back to me.

I'm, um...I'm Rhiannon Davis' doctor.

I was wondering if I could have a chat with you?

-I never said I hated Shakespeare.

-Sounds like it.

No, I just think we make too much of him,

especially in schools.

-He wasn't the only writer that lived.

-No-one says he is.

Why can't kids study new writers?

People that speak their language, talk about things that matter to them?

Just because it's new doesn't mean it's better.

Just because he's old doesn't mean we should bow down and worship it.

There's a reason these plays are still performed.

Because white, middle-class people LOVE him!

-That's ridiculous!

-Really? OK, have a look around us.

Shakespeare's appeal is universal. He speaks to everyone.

He does not speak to Shak.

He spoke to Nelson Mandela.

-There was a smuggled copy of the complete works on Robben Island.

-No!

Yeah, it was a quote from Julius Caesar that inspired him

to carry on the fight against apartheid.

-Is that true?

-"Cowards die many times before their deaths;

"The valiant never taste of death but once."

-How do you know all this stuff?

-I've seen the book.

Every ANC prisoner signed his favourite quote.

Well, maybe they should teach that in school.

Well, maybe they should.

SHE CHUCKLES

Honestly, she was the one who did all the chasing.

Wow, you've changed!

I kept telling her I was too old, she kept telling me she didn't care.

Somewhere along the way, I fell head over heels in love with her.

-So, you think it's true?

-What?

That the age difference doesn't matter to her.

Of course it does. She's a very convincing liar.

I wasn't sure at first, but I can tell now.

She only lies when she thinks the truth is going to hurt me. It's very sweet.

-You think she's the one.

-Yeah, maybe.

Most of the time, the age difference genuinely doesn't matter.

And the rest of the time?

Well, I'm not 18 any more.

But you're OK with the baby?

-Oh, good God, no! I'm far too old.

-Well, why did you...?

I had no idea she wanted to get pregnant.

It's not even mine!

The trouble is, most people loathe Shakespeare.

Because they don't understand it.

No, because they were bludgeoned to death with it at school.

Well, some things are not easy.

Some things are not worth teaching.

Well, at my school, they made us read the entire canon.

Aw! Did they stand over you with a whip(?)

I may not have appreciated it then, but I do now.

Well, educational theory has moved on a bit since your time.

Not necessarily for the better.

We need to teach kids things that inspire them,

ignite their imagination.

-Pander to their fickleness?

-No.

Shakespeare is the jewel in our cultural crown.

When people like you say things like that,

people like Shak want to puke.

Language and culture is integral to everything we do.

There are more important things.

That's why arts organisations go to such lengths

to engage children. All children!

Unless they've had their funding cut by some philistine bureaucrat.

What if it's a choice between funding an arts organisation

or finding a child somewhere to live?

-Well, it shouldn't be.

-Yeah, but what if it is?

HE SIGHS

Did you really think you could get away from me?

It was a while ago, I got a girl pregnant after a one-night stand.

It was a bit close for comfort, so I had the snip.

-Michelle doesn't know?

-She never struck me as the maternal type.

-You never talked about kids?

-We don't talk about a lot of things.

-There's things we hide from each other.

-Like...?

Doesn't mean we don't have a perfectly good relationship.

Look, I'm, er... I'm the last one to criticise.

She sees other men.

OK.

I pretend I don't know, she pretends it doesn't happen.

You don't mind?

When I was young, I slept around a lot.

No, I mean, you don't mind the lying?

No. She doesn't want to hurt me and she doesn't want to get caught.

After she's had the baby, well, who knows?

Will you tell her you know it's not yours?

She's a very strong, very sensible person.

If she wants me to believe it's mine, she must have a good reason.

What about the kid?

Surely it has a right to know who its biological father is.

I'll cross that bridge when I come to it,

-if I'm still alive.

-Huh!

-You just wanted cheap sex.

-So did you!

-You used me.

You didn't seem to care when you were ripping my clothes off.

I thought you were serious about me.

Liar! You only slept with me to get back at Adam.

-That's not true.

-You never stopped moaning about him.

-Ah!

-Because of your boyfriend,

I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life.

-No degree, no prospects.

-That's not his fault.

What if I tell him you've been sleeping around behind his back?

-He won't believe you.

-You sure?

You're hurting!

-Because I'll tell him.

-Oh, go ahead.

Unless...unless you make him give me another chance to finish my degree.

-I can't make him do anything.

-Well, you'd better try, Michelle,

-else I'll take you both down with me!

-Oh, you're pathetic!

-Argh!

-Don't think I won't.

Get out!

This isn't over.

It's just as well we get to take the lift up and walk down.

-Why?

-Well, because none of us are getting any younger.

Why do you keep going on about my age?

I don't.

Ever since this morning, you've been dropping hints about

how old and fragile I am.

No, I haven't.

Anyway, I'm not that much younger than you.

It's a big problem for you, isn't it?

No. But it obviously is for you.

Are you getting tired of me?

I'm getting tired of you jumping down my throat

every time I open my mouth.

Can we just enjoy the tower and the view?

We did come here for a good time.

-Michelle, what's wrong?

-I'm sorry.

Why, what happened?

-I've been bleeding.

-What?!

I don't want to lose the baby.

I'll phone Daniel.

What happened to your arm?

Oh, I banged it getting out of the car.

Miss Fairweather?

Emma Reid. We have an appointment.

Oh, yes. Sorry. Something urgent's come up.

Look, I really need to speak to you about Rhiannon Davis.

-Can it wait?

-Not really.

-20 minutes.

-OK.

-Thanks. I'll be as quick as I can. I'm sorry.

Your blood pressure is fine. Everything seems to be all right.

-Then what was it?

-Possibly nothing.

Light bleeding is not uncommon in early pregnancy.

-Is the baby OK?

-It's fine.

I'm going to book you a scan, just to be on the safe side.

-You're pregnant?!

-Mark!

-What are you doing?!

You thought I was going to leave?! I knew you were hiding something!

-Sorry, you are?

-I'm the father of her baby.

-He's not!

-That's why you slept with me?

You used me to get pregnant?

He's just doing this to get back at you for failing him.

No. No, the baby's mine.

It's not true, Adam. I swear it isn't.

If you want me to keep my mouth shut, it'll cost you.

-How did you get in?

-He forced his way through the kitchen window.

Look, the baby is yours. I can prove it.

-I had a paternity test.

-Huh! Another lie!

-When?

-It is, isn't it?

-I can't comment.

-You have to believe me.

Now, stop this, Mark.

You failed your degree, it's over.

Nothing you can do or say is going to change that.

It doesn't help when you put pressure on.

It doesn't help me when you keep ignoring me.

Look, I've had 16 years of putting my kids first.

It's a hard habit to break.

They need to recognise that you have needs, too.

I'm not sure they recognise me as a human being.

Then it's about time they did.

They're obsessed with their own problems -

relationships, friends, you know, the pressures of school.

Which I could help with if I was there.

Expecting them to take on you, a new house, a new regime,

when they're facing exams that could change their lives...

-So, you're saying it's never going to happen?

-No.

-I'm saying that I just need more time.

-How much time?

-That's exactly the kind of pressure I was talking about.

-Fine!

She's asleep.

She is lying. You're all lying.

Why would she have a paternity test before the baby's born?

People do the strangest things when they're pregnant.

If you don't sort something out, I'll tell everyone the baby's mine.

-Grow up, Mark!

-You think I'm bluffing?

You know, if the baby is yours,

you'd be liable for child support, don't you?

What was that in that article you sent me a while ago

about how much it costs to raise a child to the age of 21?

I'll tell you what it was. It was £250,000 per child.

Now, put that on top of a student loan, that's a lot of money.

Do make sure that you get this X-rayed,

make sure that there's no glass in it. OK?

Just flip your hand over for me. There we go. OK.

The baby might not be mine, it's...

She slept with loads of people.

It's probably... it's probably someone else's.

A&E at St Phil's will do it for you. Best of luck.

Is it really a quarter of a million quid?

I don't know. I hope not.

Huh! There goes my retirement.

You really want this to work, don't you?

Well, why shouldn't it?

Some might say deception's not the best basis for a relationship.

Honesty's very overrated. Everyone lies.

Not everyone.

Well, how about you and Zara?

You never hide things from one another?

Well...

Hm-hm!

Rhiannon prioritised her drug dependency over everything else.

The baby was so badly neglected, she had to be hospitalised.

-How old was she?

-About eight months.

Her nappy was rarely changed, she was seldom taken out of her cot.

She had very little physical affection, if any,

so, obviously, she's had severe developmental difficulties.

-Is she all right now?

-Not really.

The police said the level of filth and squalor was the worst they'd ever seen.

This is awful.

I'm sorry, I'm...

..I'm struggling to understand how she could have done this.

People are capable of terrible things,

especially when drugs are involved.

I just can't believe that it's the same woman.

Yeah, well, you never really get used to it.

-You're working late.

-So are you.

Why didn't you tell me you were planning to get rid of Anthony?

Well...I suppose I was the one that pushed to hire him,

so I should be the one to clean up the mess.

You could have kept me in the loop?

Not really.

I had to convince him that I was OK with the bribery, and...

if that had backfired, that would have been my career.

I didn't want you sharing the risk.

Or you just didn't trust me.

-There was a little bit of that.

-Really?

Yeah, you're a dreadful liar. Which is a good thing, by the way.

-I can lie if I want to.

-No, you can't.

No, but look...

I should have trusted you when you first told me about him.

I'm sorry.

So when did you finally see through his little act?

He slipped up a couple of times at the dinner party.

He hates Mrs Tembe.

And Heston.

We had a narrow escape there.

What do we do now?

We find a new practice manager.

Who?

It's fairly obvious, isn't it?

The question is... will she come back?

You're missing your classes.

I like looking after you.

I'm sorry about today.

It was partly my fault.

Why?

I got you pregnant in the first place.

That's true. You did.

I didn't really have a paternity test.

I know.

I didn't have to.

Well, it got rid of Mark, didn't it? Stupid boy.

He has a very active imagination.

I feel sorry for him.

I don't.

He never should have gone to uni. Far too immature.

No-one in their right mind would sleep with a creep like that.

Oh, I don't know.

He's attractive...

young...

energetic.

Young men are more trouble than they're worth.

This isn't just about the children, is it?

No, not exactly.

You're right, I'm having second thoughts.

I knew it.

Because...

I've been through one relationship

with a very emotionally controlling man.

And I'd rather be single than go through that again.

-Is that what you think I am?

-No...

No, look. I love you.

-I genuinely love...

-Then why do you keep bringing it up?

Will you stop picking holes in everything that I say?

You have to trust me.

Why?

Because...

relationships are built on trust.

-And you don't trust me enough to move in.

-No, that...

It's not that simple.

Actually, it is.

-No, you are not being fair.

-You're not being honest.

The children, moving in, they're just excuses.

-No.

-Ever since the angina attack,

you've been looking for a reason to ditch me.

I wouldn't have booked this trip to Stratford...

I've been here before.

You lied when you said you loved me.

This is childish, emotional blackmail.

I was a fool not to see it.

Right, I'm not having this argument now, OK?

We can talk about this tomorrow when you're in a better mood.

Give me the tickets.

Give me the tickets.

Tonight, I'm going to go and see a play...

..with...

or without you.

SONNET 138: When my love swears that she is made of truth,

I do believe her, though I know she lies,

That she might think me some untutored youth,

Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.

Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,

Although she knows my days are past the best,

Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:

On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed.

But wherefore says she not she is unjust?

And wherefore say not I that I am old?

Oh, love's best habit is in seeming trust,

And age in love loves not to have years told.

Therefore...

I lie with her, and she with me,

And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

The only thing keeping me here is the hope of seeing you off.

Whee!

Likewise, I'm sure.

Well, good luck with that, Darth Vader.

I can't quite believe a mother would do that do to her child,

I mean, your own flesh and blood.

Tell me about it.

Human nature never ceases to amaze me.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

Carmichael puts her foot in it, once again.