Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Tea Doctors

Oh, I read the first couple of pages and just glanced through the rest.

Oi!

I can't help it if you're a swot who's too scared not to do her homework.

What, you got into medical school by smoking behind the bikesheds?

Do you know what, this is a course - it's not work.

It's part of patient care.

And another thing is I am a 21st century, metrosexual kind of guy,

across gender, equality and diversity issues

since Bruce Forsyth was a nipper. And we're not doing too badly.

We've got plenty of female staff, and gender has never been a barrier

from anyone becoming partner, has it?

OK, save the speech for the workshop.

They might not notice that you haven't prepared.

Wow! You know what - you are more judgmental and less empathetic

than me. So, maybe you're right.

Maybe you do need to read the briefing notes.

Why don't we just give you an A star, right now?

I'm not sure they're grading us, sweetheart.

Or a medal, or the Nobel prize! Why think small?

That's excessive.

Creating a better world for you and my daughter is reward enough.

We are so blessed.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail and all that.

It's going to be a doddle.

There's going to be Powerpoint, statistics, chitchat,

more coffee than we should drink,

and then we're going to have to excuse ourselves from going to the bar with them at 4pm.

You should keep an open mind.

You've got more to learn than you think.

What, you calling me sexist?

I'm just saying that you're not the new man you think you are.

The new man was invented 25 years ago to make old men buy hatchbacks.

I'm more modern than that.

You're more sexist than you think you are.

Don't worry, that's nearly every man I've ever met.

Let's make this interesting.

The course is bound to be mostly women.

You're not going to be able to not revert to typical gender roles,

and if you're still like that at the end,

you're buying me dinner at the weekend

at a restaurant of my choice.

And if I'm not being sexist?

I'm buying dinner. At a restaurant of my choice.

You're going to provoke my fragile male ego, aren't you?

Chicken noises and things?

No chicken noises.

I'm much more a white feather through the post kind of a girl.

Packs a punch.

Deal.

It's candy from a baby.

And that is not me calling you baby...

baby.

What are you looking so happy about?

Am I?

The only man? Looks like it, yes.

Really looking forward to today.

What, you and a roomful of forceful strong women, discussing sexism?

It's not a problem. Why would it be?

You don't have to impress me, Daniel.

Oh, come on. Down, boy!

Are you just going to concede that you've lost the bet, right now?

You don't have to feel threatened, OK?

Welcome, everyone, to the workshop on gender, equality and diversity.

I'm Maria Perez, the course tutor.

Normally, this course is just for academics,

but this time we have university doctors Zara Carmichael

and Daniel Granger, from the campus surgery.

And, of course, as well as bringing the doctor's perspective,

Daniel brings the male perspective, too.

It's always good to have a man along for the ride.

With his better half!

A couple! Even better.

That dynamic'll make some of the role plays and break out groups

more interesting and fun.

Anyway, the object of today is to look at everyday sexism

in all its forms - it ain't gone away, folks.

I want to look at the spectrum of behaviour from holding a door open

for a woman to sexual harassment, homophobia,

transphobia, sexual violence.

Just to be clear,

do we have a working definition of sexual harassment?

The law is clear.

Unwanted conduct that violates a person's dignity

or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading,

humiliating or offensive environment.

Does that cover a man undressing a woman with his eyes?

Depends on the context and, which we will get to later,

the C word - consent.

There's a time and a place for everything.

At work?

Well, the law's there to prevent the most extreme transgressions.

A man mentally undressing another woman when he's sitting right next to his partner?

Have my seat.

It's my own fault. I always like to be early for appointments.

It really messes with their system when people are tardy.

Obviously, sexism on campus is a real, major issue,

but sometimes what we see as sexism

can be the result of a misunderstanding or even something medical.

Like?

I had a young, male patient

who actually came to see me about something else.

He was despairing because a couple of women had accused him

of staring at them in the university library.

He was petrified of being kicked out of the university,

but insists that he wasn't staring.

Actually, he needed glasses

and he was young and good-looking and too vain to admit it.

Obviously, those women had every right to feel uncomfortable

at the way he was staring at them.

But, in actual fact, he wasn't staring at them.

They were, literally, a blur to him.

So, I suggested what he could do - wear glasses, have contact lenses.

In the end he went for corrective eye surgery - staring problem over.

So what's your excuse?

You letched after Maria when you came in.

Do you need glasses too?

Sue Gleeson, Social Sciences. I'm not comfortable with a man here.

It skews the whole thing.

You have to be the centre of attention.

Since we started, it's all been about you.

He only glanced at Maria for a second.

That's all it takes for him to strip her naked in his mind's eye and reduce her to an object.

You overestimate the speed of Daniel's brain.

Can I stop you there, Sue?

The guidelines are very clear.

Let's stick to the issues and not make things personal.

I take your point, but I like having men attend these workshops.

It stops it being just me preaching to the converted.

I'm already converted!

But not every woman is pro-feminism.

Fair point. Everyone will get a chance to be heard.

Let's continue.

Role-play! Remember the rules in the briefing notes.

The objective is to gain a greater understanding of what constitutes

sexual harassment, what the impact is, and what you can do about it.

Gender reversal.

Daniel, would you be willing to be a female fresher student

who finds herself surrounded by a group of young men steeped in lads' culture?

I would. You mean like in a rugby club?

Exactly. They're all drunk, a bit lairy.

Oh, Daniel was in the rugby club, so nuts out for the lads!

Remember, it's gender reversal.

-Hello, darling? Need a drink?

-Hello, sweetheart.

-Nice jugs.

I'm up here.

What do you think, lads? Six out of ten?

More than that.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I was just groped!

Ladies, please.

But it's what really happens, right? We've all been groped.

What's the matter, love? It's just a bit of fun.

Stop there, please.

She was up for it just now.

You loved it, really, c'mon.

Whoever that was, you cannot behave like that.

Besides the impact on Daniel, there can be major consequences for the university.

Have a coffee, then we'll discuss this.

Was that you?

Might have been.

I'm addicted to this stuff.

I saw what you did.

OK, I'm sorry.

I got carried away.

Maria's right, you're right. I shouldn't have done it.

I'll apologise to Daniel.

Don't. He thinks it was me. It's done.

At least now he knows what most women experience all the time.

It might make him a better man.

It's interesting you talk about humour.

One of the big problems now is sexting.

There are some samples. I'm not just talking about sexually suggestive or offensive text messages,

I'm including all sorts of social media, where children

as young as seven are texting offensive messages.

It makes me fear for my daughter.

I'll speak to her mother!

Yes, she will need to be protected from men.

Why from men?

What, you're tarring all men as if they're the kind of creeps that groom children?

Plenty of women have been involved in crimes against children!

Or are you suggesting children need protection from me?

I think you need to apologise.

Let's all take a moment.

These are emotive issues.

Sue, Daniel's correct, what you said was offensive.

I think an apology is called for.

If you found it offensive, then I apologise,

but there's a lot of male behaviour I find...

No, no. That is one of those mealy-mouthed apologies

that isn't an apology at all.

I think you can do better than that.

Before you take a swing at me, I am sorry for keeping you waiting.

-Just too many patients that took longer than expected.

-All right.

I'm sorry, take a seat.

Thank you.

So, Al, how've you been?

-Well, actually, never better.

-Good.

-Breaking news - I've been cutting down on the old sugar.

-Excellent.

I'm feeling rather positive.

That's why I didn't like waiting so long in the waiting room.

Sitting on my backside's not good for me, is it?

Maybe you could consider getting some treadmills for your waiting room.

You've got people waiting so long. They could build up a sweat.

I'll put it in the suggestion box.

Right. Now, it's too soon for there to be any improvement

on my blood sugar levels, but there might be some on cholesterol?

What do results say for cholesterol?

Odd. The results aren't back yet. Excuse me.

Hi, it's Victoria.

Could you chase up Dr Haskey's cholesterol for me, please?

Quick as you can. Thank you.

Ooh, so much suspense.

Didn't your system break down last time I was here?

Yes. We're working on it.

Hm. You're working on it.

Can I help you to a banana, or are they too excessively phallic for you?

Are you going to take this seriously?

Well, at least I read the briefing notes.

I had to look after our son while Zara prepared.

He is seriously citing childcare as the reason for not preparing

sufficiently for a conference on sexism?

Well, that is inventive.

I promise you I am taking this seriously.

It's just Mother Dungaree I can't take seriously.

All that wholemeal worthiness. But, I'll be good, I promise.

I agree with most of it.

It's just the ludicrous excesses that I can't put up with.

Zara never takes any prisoners.

I can tell.

You two must have a feisty time of it.

I suspect if more women had your attitude,

workshops like these wouldn't be quite so necessary.

Go on, then, you must be gagging to go and tell her what you really think about her.

Especially after she pulled out the whole "all men are rapists" line.

I think she's a very smart,

thoughtful woman who cares deeply about these issues.

Nice try, no coconut. Supper's on you.

So, how's the sugar ban at The Mill working out?

-Well, our energy levels are certainly more stable in the afternoon, but...

-But?

Well, you can't force people to live a more healthier lifestyle. You can't.

Why make someone feel bad about something that makes them feel good?

Yes or no, Al, is the sugar ban working or not?

I'm thinking of pushing for one here.

I think we should set an example, all of us.

Set an example?

I don't know about you, but I signed up to be a doctor,

not some poster child for healthy living.

Yeah, but here you are, you've been weighed, we're talking about your

blood sugar levels, we're awaiting results on your cholesterol.

And you've lost two pounds since your last visit.

Yeah, and both of those pounds were my choice. My choice!

So are you saying that the sugar ban hasn't nudged your choice?

Made you a teensy bit more conscious about the decisions you make regarding your health?

Yes or no, Al? Is the sugar ban working?

PHONE RINGS

Are you going to get that?

Hi, Victoria? Great, the results are back?

The idea is to look at how appropriate language is when dealing with trans patients.

Zara, Daniel is Kelly. Kelly identifies herself as a woman.

She is in the process of transitioning from male to female.

Daniel...

Kelly.

Kelly.

So, I understand there's been some bleeding since the operation?

-Yes.

-What treatment do you suggest for the patient?

I haven't finished his consultation yet. There may be an infection.

Her consultation.

This isn't trying to trip you up -

it's to illustrate how easily the problems can arise.

OK, I could be more thoughtful.

Although to be honest, it's rather difficult when you're doing this

with someone who's your real life partner.

OK. Let's make it easy. I'll be Kelly.

Thank you very much.

So?

You were six point three. Guess were you are now?

Well, I can't read your handwriting, so...five point three?

Five!

Your HDLs are up, your LDLs and your triglycerides are both down.

Well done!

And your blood shows that your liver and renal function, normal.

KNOCKING

But we're not done.

We need to deal with your smoking, Al.

We can go through the options.

I know the options, thank you very much.

I'm a doctor myself.

I'm not going to chew gum, or wear patches,

or those ridiculous electronic devices, OK?

I'm a smoker, that's my choice.

I'm rather good at it. Suits me.

OK, shall we cut out the deflection tactics,

and behave like medical professionals.

One doctor to another... you need to stop smoking

because there's a good chance it will kill you. Understand?

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand, all right? I understand!

I would refer you back to your surgeon. He's very good.

At least, he was a "he" last time I checked.

Not that I check.

Was the flippant comment appropriate, Daniel?

I wouldn't say it to a real patient.

Or a real transgender person?

No. Course not.

You assume that I'm not.

Are you?

Yes.

OK. Which way?

I mean... That was a...

That was, er...

I meant to say, good for you.

It is good for you, isn't it?

What? It's perfectly normal to make a joke.

Does a slightly thoughtless joke have to be sinister?

Thoughtless? You should've read the briefing notes.

That was tame compared to some of the stuff I've had thrown at me.

I was married before I transitioned

so I had two angry, upset families to deal with.

I get that, but attitude doesn't change overnight.

I mean, think back, ten years ago,

how many of us would have been happy to be so candid about all of this?

It's going to take time to completely change that.

Right, I'll throw this out to the room. Why should I wait?

Hear, hear.

I can't say that you should.

But is confrontation, arguing, going to get you anywhere quicker?

This is why he should leave!

Oh, do be quiet!

He doesn't understand and he doesn't respect the issues. He doesn't think there's a problem!

On the contrary,

he's discussing the issues in a respectful and adult manner.

I'm with Zara.

His attitude is oppressive. He's not playing devil's advocate.

This is what he actually thinks!

No. It's exactly why I asked him to stay.

Daniel's only asking questions.

And, to be honest with you, I used to ask myself

a lot of those questions and didn't have any easy answers.

Daniel, thank you for your contribution.

The "which way" thing - classy.

I wonder if she had as good legs before she was a woman.

You certainly got a good enough look at them.

Just out of curiosity... what is your real name?

-My real name?

-Yeah.

Maria, but that's a really inappropriate question.

I, personally, am OK with it,

but it's an invitation to focus on a time

when many transgender people

were probably deeply unhappy and unable to be their real selves.

Daniel needs to think before he opens his mouth.

You just couldn't help yourself, could you? One point to me!

Excuse me, can I have a word?

Sorry. It's just, it's probably nothing but I noticed that you were scratching at that mole...

Were you staring at my breasts?

No. I just wondered if it had changed shape recently.

You were staring at my breasts!

No, no, no. I noticed it, and its colour and its shape concerns me,

so I thought best to bring it up and maybe you can go and see your GP,

or maybe we could have a look at it.

-You can have a better look?

-Yeah.

No, not that. I can organise for a woman doctor to...

Is this how you deal with strong women?

Belittle them, humiliate them?

No. It...

Mike is confident, third date. "She likes me", he thinks.

In his room, they start kissing

and things get steamy.

He starts to undress her, but he feels that she's not really into it.

He asks, "You OK?" "Yeah, I'm fine," Polly says.

But her body is rigid, tense, not relaxed.

Should he stop?

Daniel?

Um... He's asked her if she's OK.

She's not said "no." In fact, her answer suggests "yes."

But we're talking about students,

and we're saying that they behave rationally all the time.

They don't. When I was that age I didn't understand myself, completely.

I bet you didn't, either.

I run a consent workshop. "Yeah, I'm fine" isn't consent.

It's not "stop," either, is it, though?

This scenario puts all the responsibility on him.

Surely she has a responsibility that if she is uncomfortable,

she has to say, "I'm not fine. Please stop."

That's naive.

Well, it's a way of saying there's a grey area.

When I was that age, I would have thought, "result."

So you're saying you'd have raped her?

No, he's not. Sue, I've warned you about making things personal.

The law is clear. There has to be consent or the reasonable belief consent is present.

Maybe they've both been drinking.

Maybe "I'm fine" is, in his mind, "Yes, she's enjoying it."

Their hormones are raging, disconnecting their brains from reasonable thought.

That is a rapist's charter.

Some of the scenarios, absolutely, it's rape, yes.

But others - it's not always that simple.

I am not staying here with a Neanderthal sexist creep who justifies rape.

It's a debate, which is good.

If you were a real woman, you'd never take his side on...

..on, um...

Either... Either he goes or I go!

Sue!

Daniel! Don't!

Sue, please just come back in.

No, not with him there.

Please, it's what it's about. It's a debate.

No, it's not a debate.

Sue. Mind if we...

You think I'm an idiot, I get that, but I was not staring at your boobs.

Now, more importantly,

you need to get a potential medical problem checked out, straight away.

Perhaps Zara can take a look for you...

I've had enough of the double act. Fun's over.

-What?

-Um...

So, to conclude, consent.

If we think of it like tea...

Tea?

You...the general you, not you personally,

you wouldn't force a woman to drink it,

even if you went to the trouble of making it.

We don't live in a world saturated with tea.

We don't have mates telling us how much tea they've had.

Our hormones aren't screaming at us to get tea.

It's not the same thing.

Daniel's tea-making isn't very good.

It's drinkable, just. He likes it weak.

Sometimes I don't fancy tea but he makes me one

and I force it down because it's nice that he's made the effort.

And other times, actually,

first sip and it's just exactly what I want.

But, you do all understand that I am only talking about tea?

I'm waiting for Maria. I owe her an apology.

No doubt you think you're so clever,

but in the end, you're just working for the patriarchy.

Both of you.

Yeah, that's me. I'm all about the patriarchy!

I don't really care what you think about me,

but I wasn't staring at your boobs.

Zara, please tell her that I would not put the fear of cancer

into someone for the sake of a silly bit of letching.

Of course not.

If he says get it checked out, get it checked out.

I did not lose the bet.

I was not reverting to typical gender roles.

You so were a typical male.

Well, no more than you were a typical female!

You're still doing it! You're still arguing.

You cannot bear to be beaten by a woman!

You could not be more your gender role.

And don't sulk at me because of Mother Dungaree.

You gave her advice, and she didn't take it.

She didn't take the advice because of the seminar! And I'm not sulking!

Have you seen her at the surgery?

No. But if you really need to pursue this, call the campus.

Karen, hi. It's Daniel. Yeah. Could you do me a favour, please?

Could you check to see if we're got a Sue Gleeson registered?

OK. Let me check for you. Yep.

No. She's not registered here.

OK, yeah. No problem. Bye.

-So sorry to keep you waiting, what name is it, please?

-No worries. It's James Dallow.

-James Dallow. How are you spelling Dallow, James?

-D-A-L-L-O-W.

-Care to take a seat?

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Sulk over?

I'll honour the bet. Buy you supper. That's not me conceding.

If that's what your male pride needs to believe, then OK.

We can talk about implementing the lessons from the workshop to The Mill.

I was hoping for something a little more romantic.

A lovely meal then, after,

I might fancy an invigorating cup of builder's tea or perhaps

something a little more refined, like a delicate cup of Darjeeling.

I'm getting out of these clothes.

Put the kettle on.

-I was just thinking about Halloween.

-That traumatic, is it?

I was just wondering what I was going to do with Barney this year?

Go big!

This isn't an easy path to take,

and if you do, then it will take a very long time.

Believe me, I'm ready.

-Are you happy, though?

-What?

You know, if you were with me, you'd be ecstatic.

-Right.

-It is.