Life Unexpected Doctors

LOW CHATTER

Just go in and get changed already!

-It's OK.

-No! That is their problem, not yours.

Please, mate, I'd rather no hassle.

Have you seen this?!

What am I looking at?

Joe's school. Reallocating resources and throwing them at the SATs years!

-And that's bad because...?

-If you read it,

they are taking the funding away from the foundation stage!

OK. Well, they're obviously doing what they feel is best.

You're OK with the most formative years of your son's education

-turning into one long playtime?

-I didn't say that.

I'm just sure that they know what they're doing.

Clearly, they don't!

There's not a great deal we can do about it.

So, that's your attitude, just to stick your head in the sand?

Typical!

You better get a move on. Mr Cox is going to have a fit!

I'm not coming, I'm going back to see Dr Reid.

-What, today?

-Yeah, today.

You sure?

I can't wait any longer, mate. It's doing my head in.

Well, you know I'm with you a million percent, yeah?

You can't get a million percent.

Well, maybe that's why I don't do maths, then.

Well, come on, hurry up!

-What, you're coming with me?

-Of course.

Look, I'll give you a minute, yeah, to put your face on.

Hiya. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about Halloween.

-Oh, that traumatic, is it?

-No, I love Halloween, it's just...

I was just wondering what I was going to do with Barney this year.

Go big.

Yeah, I could, I could.

Because Jack and Immie loved it

and it'd be great to be able to share that with Barney, but...

But nothing! Me and my little sister used to go all-out.

-Did you?

-Yeah. We'd get egg and flour and go trick-or-treating.

-Eggs and flour?

-Yeah, for anyone dumb enough to ask for a trick.

Not going to do that.

-Well, you could do bobbing apples and scary cakes.

-Mm-hm.

Yes, I... Ooh! Hello. Can I help?

-Jamie McAllister to see Dr Reid.

-Dr Reid.

OK, yeah. Do you want to take a seat?

Hey, would you help me? It'd be a big favour.

-Absolutely!

-Yay!

Did somebody cakes? Look at these. Just look at them!

Zombie fingers!

Oh! We could have a great big scary bakeoff.

Well, maybe we won't do that, but we could bake for each other.

-What do you think?

-Yeah!

-Yeah, we could.

-PHONE RINGS

-Let the games commence!

I'm going to go and check for some more ideas.

OK. Bye.

Jamie McAllister, do you want to go through?

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

-Hi, Jamie.

-Hi.

Oh! Hello.

Hi. Stotty.

This is my mate. Is it all right if he stays?

-By all means. Please, both of you, take a seat.

-Thanks.

So, how have things been?

-Really good, actually.

-That's good to hear.

I went through all the stuff you gave me and I went online.

-And...?

-And I'm ready.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yeah.

It turns out there IS something I can do about it.

-About what?

-Joe's school.

-Oh.

There's a vacancy on the Board of Governors

-and I am going to apply for it.

-Really, Zara?

You think I can't handle it?

No. No, I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that you're already a full-time doctor, mother, partner.

You're on the breast-feeding committee.

I mean, when are you planning on squeezing any life in for yourself?

By "life for myself", you mean, of course, what, doing the washing?!

No...

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

It just gets worse and worse,

until I can't even think about anything else.

I can't even study properly,

I can't get on the bus without...without feeling like

I'm walking around in a shell.

Like I'm wearing a "me" suit.

Deep.

Jamie...

..this isn't an easy path to take.

And if you do,

then it'll take a very long time.

I know, but believe me, I'm...I'm ready.

-There is...there is one thing.

-Hm?

I've thought about what you said and I really don't want my dad to know yet.

OK. Can I ask why?

I used to talk to my mum about it before she passed. Dad, he...

Well, he's got a lot on his plate.

So have you.

Yeah, but if I don't look after him, who will?

I'm all he's got. He'll...he'll just freak out, I know he will.

Well, maybe.

But don't you think he deserves a chance?

See? I told you.

Look, having his support will make a big difference.

I don't need his approval. I'm the one doing this.

No, no, I know that.

But I really think you should speak to him before going it alone.

-I don't see what this has got to do with him!

-Bro!

-I'm sorry for wasting your time.

-Jamie! Jamie, where are you going?!

I'm so sorry.

Jamie, hold up, hold up! Why'd you storm off?

-She won't help me. You heard her.

-She was trying to help and you ran off like a tool!

Because I can't tell my dad!

Why not? Look, your dad's cool, all right?

Sure, he might be a little bit overprotective at first, but who can blame him?

That's the problem.

Ever since Mum died, it's me who looks after him.

-Yeah, but he's your dad.

-You think that's going to help the situation?

"Hey, Dad, my junk's alien to me. I want to be a girl."

Not as much as if you keep it a secret and then come home with a new pair of boobs.

What am I going to do?

It's simple, all right? You've got to tell him.

He deserves to know.

Will you come with me?

I don't think your dad will appreciate me being there.

Yeah, but I will.

All right, I'll come. But I'm staying outside.

Take all the time you need, all right?

I'll be there.

Yeah, OK.

Come on.

-Hey. You all right?

-Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

You're not usually home at this time.

Well, I had a free period.

-OK. Fancy a cup of tea?

-Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice.

So, are you staying in for the rest of the day, or are you popping out?

I don't know.

Well, if we're playing hooky, why don't we make the most of it, eh?

No-one calls it hooky any more, Dad.

Let's go and catch a film.

I know it's not movie night, but you know what's just been released?

Dad, can we sit down? I need to talk to you.

Yeah, sure.

Sounds serious.

What's up?

Um...

I know this may come as a shock...

Mm-hm.

..but I want to become a girl.

Well?

Dad, please say something!

Have I done something wrong?

No, Dad, this...this isn't about you.

No, I must have done something wrong.

This...this is about how I feel.

Dad, I wake up every day and I feel wrong.

I can't believe this. My...my son...

It'll take a long time before I'm fully female.

F-Fully female...?

What, you're going to butcher yourself?

No! Dad, this isn't...

I knew you wouldn't get it.

What is there to get, son?

Look, this is just a phase, a fad. It'll pass.

Dad, this isn't a fad, this has been going on for a long time.

I've spoken to Dr Reid about it.

Are you kidding me?!

Well, who else was I going to talk to?!

Your mother will be turning in her grave right now.

When I told Mum, she just hugged me!

-That's rubbish!

-She would be ashamed of you right now!

-Who do you think you're talking to?!

-I knew you would do this!

Dad, you don't need to like it, you just need to be behind me!

This is who I am!

NOT under my roof!!

You know, it's funny.

Because Stotty and Dr Reid, they said,

"Tell your dad. He'd understand".

But I knew.

Well, there you go.

JAMIE SIGHS

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

HE SIGHS

Well, it's a bit, um...

Inappropriate?

Well, I was going to say in poor taste, but, yeah, and inappropriate.

Hm.

Wait! Um...maybe it is just a bit of fun.

What if it's just us morbid types that don't get the joke?

I don't think death's funny.

It's a very personal matter.

Well, have you lost someone?

Yeah, I lost my mum.

I've been thinking about her lately.

You know, if you ever want to talk...

Um...I should get on.

-Did you speak to your dad?

-Yeah.

And how did it go?

Badly. Really badly. I knew he wouldn't like it, but...

-Just give him a chance, bro.

-You didn't hear him.

Look, it can be really difficult for family and friends

to hear this stuff at first.

Sometimes they just need a bit of time.

And you've only just told him.

But he's never going to change his mind,

and I can't wait. It's killing me.

All right. Look, there are people that you can talk to,

but I need to make some enquiries, so...can you give me a bit of time?

OK.

You don't want to mix things up too much.

We could go old-school ghosts and ghouls,

or we could go zombie-survival route?

Is this all a bit much?

No, it's going to epic!

But, see, that's what I'm worried about.

-Is it not going to be overwhelming?

-Why do you think that?

Barney's never had anything like this before,

you know, like a big family thing.

Yeah, then maybe that's exactly what he needs.

He's so changeable at the minute.

-Aren't all teenagers?

-Yeah, but not like Barney.

I mean, he's really been through it.

I'm just worried that all this death stuff is going to make it worse.

I think you're over-thinking it. It's about having fun.

We'll make sure he hasn't got a minute to think about anything else.

-OK?

-Hm-hm. OK.

KAREN SIGHS

-You all right?

-Yeah. Yeah. You?

Not really, son, but...we'll get there, won't we?

Yeah, we will.

You know I love you?

See, I told you.

Where'd you go?

-I went back to see Dr Reid.

-What for?!

Dad, I told you, I'm serious about this!

I thought you'd see some sense!

Dad, where are you going?!

-Come on. We are going to see Dr Reid.

-Mr McAllister!

Stay out of this, Mark!

Hi, love. This is Tyler.

Tyler, this is the light of my life.

Nice to meet you, Mrs Hollins. I've heard a lot about you.

Oh! What's happened there?

Oh, my new charge here has managed to injure himself apprehending a suspect.

I thought it'd be good if he could get in to see Ayesha.

Why didn't you get it done at the station?

Well, we'd finished at work and thought it'd be best to get it done properly.

I don't want it to go septic.

Well, you're best going to A&E.

No, no. We might be sat around all afternoon.

Much better if Ayesha gives him the onceover.

And, as luck would have it!

-Hiya. What's up?

-Tyler here's cut his hand.

I haven't cut my hand,

I was apprehending a criminal. Got him, though.

OK. Um...

Yeah, I've got time.

Whoa! Where do you think you're going?

-With you.

-I said I've got time, I didn't say when.

Oh, but, how long do I have to wait, though?

Who knows?

Where's Dr Reid?!

-I beg your pardon?!

-Reid!

-What do you think you're playing at?!

-Dad...!

-Excuse me?

-Encouraging delusions! You should be ashamed of yourself!

-It's not like that!

This isn't the place to have this conversation, Mr McAllister.

Why, are you embarrassed? Well, I would be, if I was you.

No, I'm not embarrassed,

but you barging in here is no way to resolve anything.

If you want to talk to me about it properly,

then, by all means, come through.

-I'm so sorry.

-It's fine, Jamie.

-Go on.

-You OK, Emma?

Yes. Thanks, Rob.

I don't believe it! I don't believe you'd encourage him like this!

I mean, he's never mentioned this before!

So...so he comes down here as normal as you like,

when he gets home, he wants to be a flipping girl!

I really don't think that's the case, Mr McAllister.

Jamie has been feeling like this for a long time.

No, he hasn't. It's all this online rubbish been getting in his head!

He just thinks this is cool!

Cool? What, you think I'd go through all this just to be cool?

Look, son, we've all had our fads, right?

It doesn't mean we turn ourselves into flipping freaks!

That's enough!

I'm sorry, but I won't have you speaking to Jamie like that.

How dare you?! Telling me what I can or cannot do with my own son?!

I apologise.

Maybe we should just take a moment.

No, you take a moment!

Because this...this is my family we're talking about!

-Goodbye, Mr Mitchell.

-Goodbye, Doctor.

-Hey, I've been thinking.

-Mm-hm?

Um...I know you want to help, I do, OK?

But I'm not sure that you've factored Joe into all of this.

Joe is the reason that I'm doing all of this!

Yeah, OK, look, it's his first year.

Why don't we get him through it, see how that goes

-and then start making waves?

-Making waves?

All right, bad choice of words.

-Daniel...

-We've put a lot of effort getting him up to speed.

He's doing well, he's got friends.

-And...?

-And maybe that's enough for now.

If you go in there all guns blazing,

upsetting and hacking off parents and teachers...

Maybe they need hacking off a little bit.

You'll be the nightmare mother from the first term.

What good is that going to do?

Whereas you'll just go in and charm them all into submission?

It's one of my many talents, yeah.

You can be so odious sometimes.

And you can be the Wicked Witch of the West.

You'd have thought you would show just the smallest amount of support

-when it came to our son's future.

-What...?

But since that is not the case, you can just leave it to me,

and all my flying monkeys(!)

I mean, I just...

I just don't know how we got here.

-I mean, one minute you're normal and then...

-Normal?

And the next...

I can't even look at you right now.

Jamie, do you think you could give me and your dad a moment?

He can stay right where he is, thank you.

I think Jamie could probably do with a break.

And it would be an opportunity for you and I to talk.

HE SIGHS

Go on, then.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in.

Hey. Er...listen, you know I went away to clear my head?

Mm. Yeah. Mexico.

Yeah. Well, when I was out there, they were getting ready for Dia de Muertos.

-OK.

-It's the Day of the Dead.

Yeah. Like the beginning of the Spectre film.

Yeah. It's like their Halloween, only it's like a huge carnival.

They don't really do the whole doom, gloom, death and darkness bit.

-Sid...

-Just bear with me.

There's feasts and there's parties

and everyone's wearing bright clothes and they're laughing and...

-They celebrate it.

-In the background, Bond's blowing everything up.

I'm serious.

And then there was this guy and he told me that

this is to make sure our loved ones and the work they put in for us are never forgotten.

And we honour them by living our own lives to the full.

I don't know, it was just...

Well, I went away to get away from death

and there they are, embracing it.

So, um...yeah, that's that.

Thanks, Sid.

So...?

So, yeah, I am going to get Spectre on Blu-ray for tonight.

SID SIGHS

It's got to be my fault.

I mean, I just...

I just don't know what I did wrong.

What makes you think you've done something wrong?

From what I can see, Jamie is a lovely, well-rounded individual.

Surely you're proud.

Proud? Look at him!

No, this is something I did.

Maybe I was too soft on him.

Or...maybe his mum dying.

Look...what Jamie is going through

is about his fundamental identity.

But why would he want to change himself?

-I mean, that's wrong, isn't it?

-Not to Jamie.

What's wrong is what he's been feeling all these years.

But if he's been in so much turmoil, why wouldn't he come to me?

Maybe he was trying to protect you.

Me? I'm his dad. Why would he need to protect me?

HE SIGHS

I lost my wife...

..and now I'm going to lose my son.

You're not going to lose your son.

But I'll be honest with you,

if you carry on like this, then you may do.

Why didn't you get this sorted at the station?

Doc was busy. Besides, I'd much rather be here with you.

-Isn't that a bit excessive?

-Well, you can never be too careful.

I'd hate for you to have to come back and see me again.

Ha! Are you sure?

Positive.

What about outside of here, though?

Oh, I've told you already, I've got a boyfriend. So, are you going to drop it?

All right. But are you happy, though?

-What?

-Are you happy?

You know, you don't seem happy.

You know, if you were with me, you'd be ecstatic.

-Right(!)

-It is.

Well, as it turns out,

my boxing-instructor boyfriend keeps me VERY happy.

-Is that right?

-It is.

In fact, I can give you his details if you fancy a one-to-one session.

Nah, you're all right.

You know, it's all well and good being a boxing instructor,

whatever he is, but being a copper,

you learn how to handle yourself.

Oh! It was really quite major, then.

It was, but I think we got it sorted, didn't we, Tyler?

I don't know, I think I might need a follow-up.

-Ha-ha!

-Hey! Guess what?

I've had a word with Barney and he's really up for it.

See? I told you, I can't wait!

Let me know if you want my boyfriend's number, yeah?

Ah! So, it, er...didn't go to plan, then?

Not quite.

But you're not going to let a little knock-back like that

-fell you at the last hurdle?

-I'm not sure I'm even in the race.

HE SIGHS

Of course you don't get it.

You're my dad, you're not supposed to get it.

But you can't just want to mutilate yourself like that, son.

I don't think Jamie would put it quite like that.

I'm not. I'm...I'm correcting a mistake.

A mistake that haunts me.

Haunts you? Son, you're 17 years old!

Dad! You think I want to feel like this?

Like a...like a trespasser in my own body?

Look, we all have things that we don't like about ourselves.

This is not like that.

Every day, I wake up and I have this hollow pit in my stomach.

It's not the...it's not the comments,

or...or the bullying, or the looks.

That's easy now.

It's the fact that I have to be someone that I'm not.

You could be just a normal young man.

Dad! Dad, I haven't felt normal for six years.

Longer, even.

And I am so, so tired.

Oh, son!

I don't want to upset you, or...or shame you, so...

..I'm going to get in touch with a lawyer and see if there's

some sort of way that I can get a kind of divorce from you.

You...you can't do that!

I'm going to stay with Stotty in the meantime, until I get things sorted,

so you don't have to have anything to do with me.

Wait! Is that what you think I want?

Why don't you tell him what you do want?

I just...I just want my boy back.

Dad, you're who you are and I'm who I am.

Who I've always been. It's just you never noticed.

Dr Reid says it's going to be a long road.

A difficult, long road.

You know what you're getting yourself into, right?

Yeah, I do.

And you still want to go ahead with this?

Yeah, Dad. I have to.

HE INHALES DEEPLY

So...where do we go from here?

KNOCK AT DOOR Yes?

I don't think I came across very clear earlier.

You often don't.

Right. Um...I'm absolutely behind you, OK?

If you think it's a good idea to become a governor,

think it's going to help the school and Joe,

then I think it's a great idea, too.

That's not what you said.

Yeah. I was wrong.

I think they'd be incredibly lucky to have you.

I appreciate that.

Good. So I'd...better wrap up the day.

Yes.

I was thinking we could maybe do something with Joe for Halloween.

Oh, not you as well!

Well, I just thought it would be a good idea, that's all.

If you're so keen, why don't you rent some costumes

and you can run around together, like a pair of fools?

OK, I will.

But monitor his sugar intake.

Let's not have a repeat of the summer fayre incident, shall we?

Oh, Mr McAllister.

Looks like you two are going to be needing a lift, right?

Come on.

Oh, Mr McAllister? I just wanted to say...

We're going to be seeing a lot more of each other, so why don't you call me Graham?

Emma. Well, I hope I do.

-Thanks for all your help.

-You're very welcome.

I'll follow up the enquiries and then I'll be in touch

and, well, we'll take things from there, OK?

Great. I didn't think we'd get this far, to be honest,

so, thank you, Dr Reid.

It's my pleasure.

Very nice to meet you.

Well, that happened, then?

I think we'll get there in the end.

He's calmed down a lot, but big steps and little 'uns, eh?

-Let me take that.

-Cheers.

I'm not finished!

Listen, I never actually said thanks for seeing me.

Oh. It's not a problem.

Um...I just didn't want to give you the wrong impression.

-You didn't. See you.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Is Ayesha serious about what's-his-face?

-Seb?

-Mm.

I think she's trying to convince herself, more than anything else.

-Right.

-When are you going home?

Soon. I just need to speak to Tyler.

It's fine, honestly. Don't worry about it.

So, a fresh start, right? Just let me take you for a drink.

You know, this is bordering on harassment.

What? It's a drink between friends, nothing sinister, I promise.

-I just want to get to know you.

-I don't think Seb would like that.

Huh! It's a drink between friends.

You're the one that's being weird if you think it's anything more.

-Hey, beautiful.

-Hi.

Hey.

-Ready to feel like a queen?

-I am!

-Hey.

-Hi. Hiya.

-See ya!

-Bye.

-Bye.

She has no idea how happy I'd make her.

Listen, we're having a Halloween party.

Why don't you come along?

Yeah. I'd love that.

He is a big lad!

Pfft! Come on. I'll take him!

Oh, I just wanted to be close to the ley lines.

-They cut right through here, you know.

-Is that right?

Take a look at some of these.

-What, you can make me look like this?

-Yeah. Easy-peasy.

I've started wondering why Kate married someone like me.

Someone like you?

Hey! I didn't even touch the water!

Of course you didn't, you've got the biggest gob in Letherbridge.