Netherworld Doctors

It belongs to a young woman, recently deceased.

An Abby Regan. Romeo-Echo-Golf-Alpha-November.

RADIO: Got any clues, Serge?

Well, I don't know at this point, but I'm going to guess vandalism.

Great. Thanks.

Here, have another sip of water.

Are you feeling any better?

-Yeah, a little. Thanks.

-Hm!

If it's all right, I need to take a swab of your neck.

-What for?

-DNA.

-There may still be traces of saliva from your attacker.

-Right.

There we go.

So, do you remember what happened?

Um...my memory's really hazy.

I was out clubbing all night.

But, yeah, I think so.

'Um...I know I was near the arts' building on the way back to my room.'

Yeow!

And this person attacked you for no reason?

I just remember being pulled back from behind and a sharp pain.

I didn't see his face, it was dark.

Do you remember what he was wearing?

This is going to sound really weird, but, um...

he was dressed like Gandalf, or something.

What do you mean?

He was wearing a cloak. A black cloak.

Um...Mrs Hollins, can you scan these after you have had your lunch?

No problem.

Oooh! I'm glad I caught you. Everything OK for tonight?

Oh, yes. Yes. No, we would not miss it for the world.

Absolute pleasure.

Is, er...JJ allergic to anything? Wheat or dairy?

No. No, to tell you the truth, he will eat anything.

He is very much looking forward to it.

Yeah. So are we.

-Can't wait.

-Hm. Well, I will see you about 7:30.

Mm-hm.

HE SIGHS Right.

-Do we have to?

-We have been through this before. Mrs Tembe is our friend.

-I know, but...

-I just want to get to know JJ better.

I think I know enough about JJ already.

I'd rather have my feet roasted over an open fire.

Stop being so childish. OK, I am going to go and get things started.

Now, do you want me to go to the shops again

and get any last-minute requests?

-A parallel universe where I live in a small village in Tuscany.

-Right.

Do you know what I think?

This is the perfect opportunity.

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

Hey. Have you interviewed her?

Yeah. PC Kennedy has just taken her home.

She's still pretty shaken up, though.

Hm. What did you make of her story?

What, students walking around a university campus wearing funny outfits?

-Sounds pretty normal to me.

-Hm!

Come and look at this.

It's a Cosplay event that was on at the university campus last night.

-A Cos-what?

-Cosplay.

It's where people get dressed up as characters from books or films.

Al does it.

You know, goblins, werewolves and vampires.

He was involved with those cashpoint explosions.

Rob doesn't trust him one bit.

Is this the sort of person you want Mrs Tembe to be with?

-Well, no, but...

-What if they move in together?

Well, they've been together five minutes.

-She's not going to let him move in with her.

-You know that for sure?

I mean, tonight is your chance to find out about JJ.

So, you're called the West Midlands University's Cosplay Club?

That's right, yeah.

Proud to say Letherbridge has one of the biggest in the country.

Good for you. And you've been president for the last two years?

-Yeah.

-Hm.

Thank you.

And the event itself is called Netherworld Adventures?

You've never heard of it? Huh-huh!

It's an amazing series of fantasy novels by the legend, Terry O'Hara.

Just mind-blowing, and perfect material for Cosplay.

How did it all go? Was there any trouble?

Everyone had an amazing time. Why do you ask?

I ask, because I am looking into an attack that happened on campus last night.

-Really? That's awful!

-It is, isn't it?

What kind of thing do people wear?

Er...well, all sorts.

I mean, the novels have literally dozens of characters.

Would it be likely that anyone could be wearing a black cape with a hood?

It sounds like you're talking about Elkron.

Um...I was playing Lakdar, Warrior of Darkness.

My housemate, Caleb, was playing him, though. Um...

He's obsessed by Elkron.

He even dresses as him when we're not role-playing.

Is that right? You said housemate. Is he here now?

No. He's rarely at home. He keeps strange hours, but...

I guess that makes sense when you think you're a vampire. Huh!

MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES

Jimmi!

Hey!

I think the phrase is, "Fancy seeing you here"!

Yeah, well, it's my usual Friday-night ritual.

-How many laps you done?

-Three.

-Scarcely warmed up, then.

-Well...

-Right, old man, one more lap. Race you.

-OK.

Caleb, can you hear me?

I said, why are you still wearing that costume?

It makes me feel comfortable.

Sorry?

It makes me feel comfortable!

You feel comfortable being dressed as a vampire?

I...identify...with Elkron.

Just to be clear for me, you identify with a character

who goes around biting people?

And when you were wearing that costume last night,

did you bite anyone?

I pretended to.

But you didn't?

Although I can't be sure.

No-one can be sure.

People are sure that I'm alive, but...that doesn't make any sense.

Because I'm dead.

Yeah. OK. So, er...next time, I'm not going to give you a chance.

-Whoo!

-So, are you done for the night?

I am now, yeah.

That's a shame, I was going to ask if you wanted to go for a drink.

Um... Well, I mean, you know, I've got nothing planned.

Don't sound too excited about it(!)

No, sure, yeah. No, I'd like to go.

You're not going to be too tired(?)

Er...why? What were you thinking? Huh!

Er...Icon? 9:00pm?

Yeah, OK. Works for me.

Right. See you later.

See you.

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

-Guess what I've got here?

-Go on.

It's a black cloak with a hood.

I've just interviewed a male student about the girl that was attacked.

-Have you arrested him?

-Yep.

You do realise that other people would have been wearing

-a similar costume as well, don't you?

-Oh, yeah.

But I doubt whether many of them actually thought they were a vampire in real life.

And I am not kidding. This guy doesn't ever take that off.

Maybe he just loves Cosplay.

No, he lives on a completely different planet.

I thought he was trying to wind me up at first,

but then I realised he's not altogether there.

Do me a favour, will you? Have a word with him, try and find out what's going on?

-All right.

-Thanks.

Come on through.

Oh, wow! Just as well I dressed up for the occasion.

I'm just kidding.

-MUSIC PLAYS

-Ooo!

-Sorry!

-Mrs Tembe, good evening.

-Dr Carter.

-Lovely to see you.

-Heston, it's really nice to see you again.

-JJ.

I've brought some wine. A lively ten-year-old Bordeaux.

-Lovely!

-I was thinking fruity with a complex aftertaste.

Fit the bill?

It's, um...it's very nice. Thank you.

Right, well, I'll, er...get some drinks.

I'm, er...sorry that we had to take your costume away,

but do you understand why?

How do you feel?

Empty.

Everything seems pointless.

Have you ever spoken to anyone about how you feel?

Why should I, when everything is pointless?

Because it can help.

Trust me.

I know from experience.

And I also know that life can be overwhelming at times.

Life's not a problem when you're dead.

Why do you say that, Caleb?

Because I am.

Well, you're sitting here, speaking to me, so you can't be dead.

That's what's so confusing.

How long have you been feeling like this?

I first realised I was dead a few weeks ago.

When Abby died.

-Who's Abby?

-My girlfriend.

She had a...brain aneurysm.

I'm so sorry.

Her brain died...and then her body.

I go to see her every day.

-What do you mean?

-I visit her grave.

Every day.

I miss her.

Last night, I decided I wanted to be with her,

so I took a spade with me.

-You did what?

-I took a spade.

Started to dig up her grave.

But I heard someone coming, so I left.

I shouldn't have left.

I should be in there with her now.

Where I belong.

Baby beetroot, goat's cheese

and a home-made balsamic glaze.

-Oh, thank you. It looks delicious.

-Thank you.

-JJ?

It looks more like something you'd put in an art gallery than something you'd eat.

And I mean that as a compliment, Heston.

Colour, shape and proportion, all part and parcel of fine cuisine.

And I see a man who appreciates that.

That's very kind.

Those are wonderful, Dr Carter.

Well, you nearly had these for dinner last time you came with, um...

Last time you came for dinner.

-Oh. Really?

-Fantastic job, Heston.

Oh, that glaze is great!

You could sell that recipe for a small fortune.

Well, the recipe for this is safely ensconced in a bank vault,

away from thieving...hands.

Have I shown you this? It's my Step Buddy.

-Oh!

-Yeah. It calculates how many steps you take every day.

And every day, I'm getting closer and closer to the 10,000 target.

MRS TEMBE CHUCKLES Maybe you should get one.

Oh, no. No, I have no need for one of those at all.

I'm completely with you, Mrs Tembe.

No, it's just that I walk every day to work.

Perhaps you should get one, Dr Carter, in support of Sister Hanif?

Yeah, that's a great idea! Maybe you should.

Oh! Well, there's no right or wrong here.

-Each to their own, I always say. Right, Heston?

-Huh!

All this "I'm a vampire and I'm dead" stuff, do you buy it?

I don't think he's making it up,

so clearly, he's got some serious psychological problems going on.

-Do you think he could have been Jen's assailant?

-No.

I think he's too listless to have done something as violent as that.

Mind you, I can't be sure.

He did say something really odd, though.

He said that he'd dug up his girlfriend's grave

so that he could be with her. Do you believe that?

-What was she called?

-Abby.

-Hm-hm.

This morning, I investigated a vandalised grave of a young woman called Abby Regan.

I think I'd better call our victim back in.

Yeah. Catch you later.

Right.

This is what I wanted to show you.

Could your assailant...have been wearing this?

Yeah. Yeah, looks like it.

OK.

-Do you know Caleb Anthony?

-Yeah, a little. Why?

Do you want to tell me what you do know about him?

He's a little shy, but he's really nice.

-Are you saying that...?

-I'm not saying anything yet.

I know he's dropped out of uni.

-It's awful. His girlfriend, Abby, died a few weeks ago.

-Mm.

-Abby Regan?

-Yeah.

She was a friend of mine. Caleb was her boyfriend.

Did they get on? Did she ever mention any fights or falling out?

No. God, Caleb wouldn't hurt a fly.

-He loved Abby.

-Did she have any trouble with anyone else?

I don't think so.

There was one thing a couple of months ago

where she said someone had been rough with her at some event.

She felt threatened. She didn't report it, though.

I bet you get that a lot, women not coming forward?

Sad, but true.

Anyway, she said he was a real charmer

and then he just turned out to be really controlling and nasty.

She went for a drink with him and then he thought that they were going out

-and that she was in love with him. It was creepy.

-Mm.

Now that you've had a bit of time to think,

can you remember anything else about your assailant?

I told you, I didn't see his face.

Yeah, but what about other things? What about smells?

Did he smell of booze? Could he have been a smoker?

There was one thing.

This is going to sound really weird, but...

..I thought I could smell lemons.

You never told me how you got into psychiatry.

Er...it's kind of a dark story.

I don't think you really want to know.

Well, I do now you're making it sound so mysterious.

It's a real downer, actually.

It was a suicide.

Oh, right.

It gets worse.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was my...it was my cousin.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

He was actually more of a brother.

That must have been just awful.

Yeah. I mean, er...looking back,

he...he...he...probably had manic depression,

but, um...he was never diagnosed.

So that's what got me started,

wanting to work with people with mental health issues.

Especially men, because they find it so hard to open up.

Hm.

I'm normally more of a Burgundy man than a Bordeaux,

but there's something about my wine and your steak that kind of just worked.

It was a marriage made in heaven.

But there's a certain fruitiness to this

that's proving elusive.

Is it blackberry?

I reckon it might be black cherry.

You know, I think you might be right.

Me and my workmates at St Phil's,

we have chats just like this about the roly-poly jam.

Is it strawberry? Is it raspberry? It's a mystery.

I had the hospital roly-poly once. It was disgusting.

That reminds me, Mrs Tembe,

how's the hospital food presentation going?

Oh, very slowly.

Trying to find food chain suppliers...

Well, it can be quite challenging.

Well, I have someone who might be able to help you.

No, I'm not ready to ask for help quite yet.

Well, when you are, let me introduce you

to a fantastic Icelandic chef, Luke Armannsson.

He's a creative genius.

He sourced for me a gastronomic delight

that is taking pride of place in my freezer.

In fact, JJ, would you like to sample it?

You know me, I'm up for anything.

-Heston, I don't know if...

-Shush-shush-shush-shush.

Come on, tell me more.

All I can tell you...is it's got quite a bite.

Do you know an Abby Regan?

Yeah. We went out a few times.

What's Abby got to do with all this?

Maybe nothing.

-You...you know she died recently?

-Yeah, we know.

And we also know that she was Caleb's girlfriend at the time.

Incredibly, she was, yeah.

Honestly, I could never understand it.

What the attraction could possibly be!

I never try and understand what attracts one person to another.

Have you ever tried biting anyone?

What?! What? Are you kidding? No.

The incident last night, the victim was bitten during the assault.

Maybe it was Caleb.

Maybe you're jumping to conclusions.

Not really.

Look, I don't want to get him into any trouble,

but Abby did tell me one time he got a bit aggressive with her,

-and I know it sounds crazy, but he actually tried to bite her.

-Hm.

You don't really like Caleb very much, do you?

-I didn't say that.

-You didn't have to.

I've told you already, I feel nothing.

Dead people feel nothing.

-Wouldn't you rather feel alive?

-That's not possible.

It might be.

How?

I've done some research,

and I've spoken to some colleagues of mine.

There's a very rare condition, Caleb, called Cotard's syndrome.

It can often be triggered by depression.

Have you ever heard of it?

Well, I think that you might have it.

I don't have an illness.

No, you don't feel physically ill,

because Cotard's syndrome is a mental disorder.

And people who have it can feel like

they've lost anything from a limb to their emotions.

And in some cases, like yours,

they feel like they don't exist.

Like they're actually dead.

And because you feel like you're dead,

it enables you to identify with a character like a vampire.

Which is how you were able to dig up Abby's grave.

But, Caleb, it's not reality.

It's your mind playing tricks on you.

You are very much alive, sitting here with me in this room.

Maybe you're dead, too, and you're imagining you're alive.

No, I am not dead and neither are you.

Will you let me help you, Caleb?

Hm?

Will you make an appointment to come and see me next week?

I can put you in touch with a specialist

who can make you feel alive again.

Don't you think that's what Abby would want?

For you to feel alive?

Yes?

Good.

Oh! You cannot seriously intend to eat that?!

It is a little bit smelly, I'll give you that.

It smells like socks!

It has a very sophisticated aroma,

like a classy French cheese.

Now, the only way to enjoy this

is with Iceland's signature spirit, Brennivin schnapps.

But the question still remains, what is it?

Wild guess? Fermented shark.

-Oh!

-OK, I admit it,

Brennivin and shark are on my bucket list, Heston.

But I did picture it being in one of them ice hotels

-and not in your dining lounge.

-I applaud your eclectic tastes.

Shall we?

-Here goes.

-Down the hatch.

-Oh!

-Whoa!

Mind officially blown!

I thought the Bordeaux and the beef were a brilliant combo,

but this blows them out of the water. Top us up.

-Heston, I don't...

-It's just a bit of fun, it's just a bit of fun.

JJ, please, do not overdo it.

It's the last one, I promise.

Shall we? OK, one, two...

All right, it looks like we are taking a taxi home.

Did you hear that, JJ?

We don't want you weaving on your bike around the road, you might get arrested.

They won't bother. They're sick of seeing me down the nick.

HESTON AND JJ LAUGH

Come on!

One thing I remember about your place earlier was how clean it was.

Hm! I try. Huh!

I'm guessing Caleb is a different story?

Yeah. He throws his stuff all over the place,

never cleans up after himself.

Not much into personal hygiene either.

Hm! No kidding!

Yeah, I bet he never washed that costume.

-Never. It stinks.

-I noticed.

My wife's a bit like you, she's always cleaning something.

Although she hates the smell of bleach,

which is why she...you know, she always buys a lemon-scented one.

Ha! Really? Me, too!

You can hardly...tell...it's...

Will you hold your hands out for me?

W-Why?

Please. Humour me.

Lemon bleach.

The exact same smell the victim remembers from the attack last night,

and what I remember from your kitchen earlier.

You said you were wearing a warrior costume,

but... Well, you might have done!

But you could also have been wearing a vampire one the same evening.

But I-I wasn't.

Well, I'm going to go and search your house soon,

but before I do, I want to take a quick cheek swab.

-Wait a minute!

-You shouldn't have a problem...

..if you didn't bite her.

I knew everyone would think it was him, that was the point.

He deserved it.

I let him move into my house,

I-I helped him out when he needed somewhere to live

and a couple of weeks later, Abby totally blew me off for him!

He's the dangerous one! He's mental!

You should lock HIM up!

Whoa! The Clash?

Is this really yours, Heston?

-Um...

-Yeah, it is. He's a man of varied tastes, just like yourself.

Total respect to you.

MUSIC: Should I Stay Or Should I Go? by The Clash

THEY LAUGH

Good tune!

Wh-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo!

# Darlin', you got to let me know

# Should I stay or should I go?

Wahey!

# If you say that you are mine...#

Come on, you two, group dance! Come on!

Let's dance!

# So you got to let me know

# Should I stay or should I go? #

You got some nice moves going there!

You know, JJ, you should come and see us more often.

You know what? I'd love to.

Right, well, we don't need this any more.

And hopefully, one day, you won't either.

We'll see.

You're going to come and talk to me some more about that, though, aren't you?

I still can't believe Lucas would do that to me.

So, um...

..I've got a confession to make.

Is it that time of the night already?

No, it's not that embarrassing, but I, um...

I've signed up to do a counselling course and it's your fault.

I'm happy to take the rap for that.

I...I was thinking it would be nice to, um...

you know, fit in some talking therapies into my GP work.

-So, what do you reckon?

-Yeah, definitely.

I'll share best practice, whatever you need.

Oh, great. OK. So, um...in what kind of scenario do you feel that talking therapies...?

Whoa-whoa-whoa. Hold on.

I didn't mean right now. It is a massive topic.

-Right.

-Save it for next time.

OK. You're calling it a night, then?

Um...if that's OK with you?

Huh! Maybe next time we could have dinner.

Oh. Oh, God.

Er...I'm so sorry, Jimmi.

I...I think I've given you the wrong impression.

I... When I suggested to go for a drink,

I just meant we could talk about the Mill.

I-I didn't mean...

I get it. It's fine. No problem.

-OK.

-THEY CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY

-OK.

-Huh!

I should go.

Er...

Have a good weekend.

HE SIGHS

What about that Icelandic bloke, Heston's chef mate?

What? Luke Armannsson?!

Now, this woman who gave you a rubdown...

No, no, no, it was a head massage, OK?

You sure you're not a professional chef?

Oh! No.

Come on! She's got a passion for this, a proper passion!

Ah! I respond well to passion.