Impulse Control Doctors

SOMBRE PIANO RECITAL

N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Hey!

BIRDSONG

-All good?

-Oh, bum to Parkinson's!

I haven't felt this well in ages!

Well, the dopamine agonists are doing exactly what we want.

-Are you still happy with the patches?

-Mm-hm.

How are you coping?

Since Ira died?

Oh, I really am. No more dressing in black, Dr Carter.

-So I see.

-It doesn't suit me.

And can I just put something else out there?

Cardiothoracics bored me stiff!

Point taken, though I'm sure many of his patients

were grateful that they didn't bore him.

Well, yes. Literally a life-saver.

There's no denying he was an exceptional man.

My father was an exceptional and respected man.

He's not been dead a year,

yet there she is, mutton dressed as lamb,

wafting around in inappropriate designer gear.

Your mother?

She's got a review with Heston.

When you see him, ask him what she was wearing.

Heston is not going to notice what your mum is wearing.

Very jolly colour.

-My wife has a pair of slacks just like that. Very fetching.

-Ah.

Well, you're looking good.

Oh, thank you. It's new.

Oh, and I've discovered a wonderful new restaurant.

You have not had a proper chana saag balti

-unless you've ordered it off a menu under glass.

-Really?

Don't be such a snob, Dr Carter.

And on Mondays, it's all you can eat for £6.99.

How very high-end(!)

There was a song about it, wasn't there?

Watching My Reflection? Have I got that right?

2-Tone ska.

I used to love that. That's what brought me to Birmingham.

I can't say I've ever, um...

I came here, met Ira, moved to Letherbridge, the rest's history.

Sort of not-done-enough-much-too-young.

-Right.

-But now I have re-embraced curry houses.

I think the ghee is good for my complexion.

Mm-hm. But maybe not so good for one's BMI.

Dr Carter, are you saying my bum looks big in this?

Um...

-And she's piling on the weight.

-Is she?

She made me take her to Chana Monkey.

She was like a pig at a trough.

Oh, I'm like that when I go there. I should take Heston.

Sparkhill, Balsall Heath. My father used to spoil her

with high-end, Michelin-starred restaurants

in Edgbaston and Moseley.

She used to be discerning, now she's stuffing her face

with chapattis and greasy baltis.

-Oh, she's so greedy.

-Huh-huh!

I'm giving myself permission to indulge.

-Good for you.

-So what if I'm getting older?

What if I've got Parkinson's?

I'm dressing how I like, eating what I want

and streaming the music I used to love.

I'm refusing to be defined.

Excellent.

The truth is, I never really cared much for modern folk.

There now, that's out there, too.

-You don't?

-No!

And certainly not enough to sit in some draughty church

on a bum-numbing pew for two hours.

You can keep your Stafford Ensemble, I'll take The Specials.

I tried to get tickets for the Stafford Ensemble.

Rarer than hen's teeth.

Have Ira's! He had it all set up online.

Automatic pre-order.

I didn't know until they arrived. Would you like them?

Sorry, gifts from patients are sadly verboten.

Oh, choose to live a little, Dr Carter. You're having them.

You can give their face value to charity. Something cardiac-y.

I don't think folk music is really my wife's choice.

So, if there's nothing else...

Apparently, I need to read up on seniors, sex and STIs.

You do?

A leaflet appeared in my kitchen.

But, yes, as it happens, everything is really very OK.

-Goodbye, Dr Carter.

-Cheerio.

And don't get me started on my mother's sex life.

-What?

-Seriously, don't.

I know we're all entitled to make choices,

and I get that, but...I'm worried.

Why?

I think the dopamine replacement

is triggering some sort of impulse-control disorder.

-Really?

-Yes. Which is why I wanted you to speak to Heston,

explain how much she's changed.

Ah. No.

Look, Ashley, I'm not going to do that.

So remember, in through the nose and out through the mouth.

PHONE RINGS

Zara Carmichael.

Zara? It's Tom.

Listen, Joe's been taken.

What? How do you mean, "taken"?

On his way to football. His coach just called.

A white car pulled up and they took him.

What I'm going to need you to do for me now is to stay as calm as possible, OK?

I'm calm.

Do you have a photograph on your phone you could send me?

-Yes, of course.

-And what was he wearing?

He was wearing black shorts and a gold jersey and yellow socks.

Right, OK. Listen, it's going to be fine, all right?

I want you to stay put so we know where you are when we find him. OK?

-OK.

-And send the photo.

-Um...there was a note.

-Yeah, I know about the note.

There was another note, in his schoolbag.

It was an emoji. A shush emoji, and a feather.

Send the photo. I've got this, Zara.

ZARA BREATHES HARD

Thanks for coming in.

So, Tembe said I couldn't put these up at the Mill,

but she didn't mention this place.

Oh, you are awful.

Car-ears without limits.

Get it? Car-ears, yeah?

Where is Letherbridge's next top model, anyway?

I thought he was supposed to be here.

He's been held up at the airport.

Oh, really? Couldn't get his good looks through Customs(?)

I just got it! Ears without limits!

Because Sid over-listens.

He listens and he listens and he listens...

-What time's he getting here?

-I don't know. Don't know.

But there will be many disappointed students

when they find out they've got to see you.

OK, first of all, you have to understand that everything is under control.

-What?

-Now, I've just spoken to Tom.

-Tom?

-Stanton. Joe's missing. A car pulled up. They took him.

-What?!

-The police are all over this. They already have Joe's photograph.

-No!

-OK, listen, breathe! Just breathe!

This is not like Izzie and the carousel, this is not happening again!

-OK. Come on, let's go.

-Let's go.

-Let's go.

-Ooo, Daniel, I...

-Not now!

What's up with him?

You're kidding me!

Hey! Move your van!

HORN BLASTS

Stop!

Please! Please! It's an emergency!

HORN BLASTS Stop!

What's going on?

HORN BLASTS

-Someone snatched Joe.

-Snatched?!

-HORN BLASTS

-Oh, God in heaven!

Where do we stand on Sidney's whiskers?

Never really thought about them.

Well, shall we up the whiskerage?

Oh!

-Hm!

-Yeah. Less carers without lim...

-Ooo!

-All right?

-What?

-BOTH: Nothing.

SID'S STOMACH RUMBLES

Who eats falafels on a plane, really?

Ah-ha-ha!

-Where's Stanton?!

-You were supposed to wait at the Mill.

-We couldn't!

-Is it that gang?

-We don't do conjecture.

Joe's picture's been circulated and we've got officers covering the area.

-Have you got the last note?

-We didn't think anything of it.

What, was it was some kind of a message?

I told Reece my name.

I told him, "I'm Zara". I just wanted to comfort him.

I wanted to stop him being frightened!

-You did comfort him.

-I told him I was a doctor!

Those hoodies at the cemetery, I wasn't being paranoid, they WERE following me.

They've been watching us and Joe!

They knew where he went to school and they knew where to snatch him from!

-Why didn't you tell me you were being followed?

-I wasn't sure!

Like DI Stanton said, there's no point speculating.

But this isn't speculation, this is sound assumption! Right?

We can't rule anything out.

WHISPERS: How could I have been so stupid?

Stupid? Stupid doesn't even begin to describe what you've done.

Look, Ashley, I am not going to quiz Heston about your mum.

But why?

Er...privacy, confidentiality.

But she's not hiding stuff from me, she's hiding stuff from him.

Why's she hiding stuff from him?

Right, we don't know that, do we?

We will if you ask.

Right, I'm not putting Heston in an awkward position.

Just mention some of the weirdness.

But...is it weird, though?

I mean, maybe it's just a new phase of her life.

She got a tattoo done. A massive tattoo.

Um...where? And how massive?

OK, yeah, I'm embarrassed, but who wouldn't be?

It's right across her chest.

What are people going to think, Ruhma, you know, come the summer?

Their old mates?

My mother is in her sixties, for heaven's sake.

It's not normal to have a bloke's name tattooed across your chest

when you're an OAP and the bloke is young enough to be your son!

Ruhma, how can there not be something wrong?

All right, but I am not promising anything.

Thanks.

SHE SIGHS

I think you're going to enjoy this.

Drink that.

But take your time, though.

-Losing a pet is never easy.

-Aw.

SID'S STOMACH RUMBLES

I'm so sorry about this, I just need to... Hm!

See, this is why it's never a good idea to come straight into work off a holiday. Sorry.

Hm.

Delhi belly.

Only not Delhi, on account of he went to Marrakech.

Yep, it is him.

Huh! He's blind to the fame.

Hm!

EMMA SIGHS

We should be doing something.

Sandwiches? No? Tea?

-No.

-No, thanks.

-No, thank you.

-Me neither.

No, we can only wait and...hope and pray.

We should be doing something.

We should have faith in the police.

I am sure little Joe will be...will be fine.

It's a myth about sweet tea, anyway, isn't it? It's...

We should be doing something.

What's the matter?

I want to talk to you about something, but I...I can't.

Why not?

People make silly, bad decisions, don't they?

They do things that are ill-advised.

Yes, but they usually do them for the best motives.

What?

Well, it's never as simple as it seems, is what I'm saying.

Right. OK. What are we talking about?

And what are you talking about?

Right, this is it, um...

I don't want you to break patient confidentiality,

but I need you to know how concerned Ashley is about her mum.

-Ashley?

-Ashley. Ashley Dubowitz.

You know, Ira and Deborah's daughter. She came to see you today?

-Yes.

-Well, Ashley's really worried.

And I know this makes it really awkward for you...

No, I can happily say she's got nothing to be concerned about.

You...you don't know anything about her new appetite, do you?

No. OK.

According to Ashley, she's been into kinky stuff

since you introduced her to the replacement therapy.

She's just embracing her life.

Yeah? Mm-hm. Mm.

-Did you see the tattoo?

-What tattoo?

She has a tattoo.

Well, Nigel Farthing has a smiley face on...

-This is really massive.

-This is bigger than a 50p piece.

Right, I'm going to ignore how familiar you are with Nigel and his tattoo.

He got that in a silly bet he lost. This is serious!

It goes right across her chest.

It's totally out of character!

So, do you see what I'm saying?

I'm saying, what if it's a lack of impulse control

and she wouldn't have done it if she wasn't on the medication?

Oh.

Ooo, you found some. Thank you.

I took it off the sexual health and wellbeing posters in the ladies'.

What's it for?

-Listen, I think you should be kind to Sid.

-Eh?

Terrible flatulence.

In Reception, in front of two students.

HE LAUGHS

-It's not his fault.

-Whose fault is it, then?

Airline falafel!

Be kind.

So, Sid has uncontrollable flatulence?

HE CHUCKLES

Tattoos are increasingly a popular mode of expression.

She's taken a lover.

Accordingly to Ashley, he was the odd-job man.

Ruhma Carter! Lady Chatterley is one of your favourite books.

He's half her age, and he knows she's ill.

-I do have a duty of care.

-Oh, thank you!

Right, we can't just rock up because she'll know that something's up.

WE'RE not going to do anything.

I can say that you do like the thought of modern folk music

in an ecclesiastical setting after all.

OK, just get back in the room. What are you talking about?

She offered me tickets for the Stafford Ensemble.

I can say you would like to go and then casually...

Casually...what?

-I'll find a way.

-OK.

If my patient is at risk, I need to address it.

Alone.

-WHISPERS:

-OK.

FAINT POLICE DISPATCHER

Sorry.

-What's happening?

-OK, this is where we're at.

No news yet, but I am confident that...

-Confident? About what?

-Daniel, please!

We've got officers door-to-door and trawling through CCTV.

Every available officer is out there.

We're working Braydon's neighbourhood

and as soon as we find anyone who knows anything, we'll know it. too.

Nobody likes people who mess with kids.

Mess? What, just to keep me out of court?

We're going to find Joe.

Standing here doing nothing, we're not.

-So I'm going to go back to...

-No, no, no. Stay here.

We're going to need to know where you are when we find him. OK?

Ruhma told you, then? About the madness.

-Oh, Ashley.

-I knew she'd get you to come.

I'm actually here to get some concert tickets.

Yeah, right, if you say so(!)

She's probably at it now, in there, in the middle of the day.

Imagine what my father would think.

She doesn't answer my calls.

She took my key off me, you know.

I wonder why(?)

These are not reasoned choices.

These are chemical reactions you've triggered

that are worse than the Parkinson's symptoms.

Ashley.

Dr Carter.

Together?

MUSIC: House of Fun By Madness

The Stafford Ensemble, my wife would love to go.

Really?

All right?

But, um...seeing as I'm here, if it's convenient...

He knows how mental you're being.

I've had no conversations with your daughter.

But I'd love to have a chat...in private.

-OK. Thanks very much for coming.

-Thank you.

What's this?!

Well, you know, I though Careers Without Limits

was a bit... Well, it was a bit vanilla.

Mrs Tembe really is very proud.

This picture's from that recruitment thing?

They certainly found their face, didn't they...Dr Diversity?

Mr Ethnicity. Poster boy for inclusivity.

Yeah, but you decided to make me into a rodent.

I thought in the interest of objectivity,

we should flag up your tendency to be a bit mousey.

Yeah, but I'll tell you what,

even with the ears, there'll be students lining up to see you.

They love you.

This is all around campus?

Well, it's all around Letherbridge.

Do the pose. Go on.

Now...what can I do for you?

-Deborah, I'm going to be straight with you.

-Good.

There's a possibility that your recent behaviour

is due to the medication you're on.

So?

Coupled with the, um...grief that you're experiencing

-after losing Ira...

-I'm not.

-You're not?

-Experiencing grief.

Well, Ira was a major part of your and Ashley's life.

It may be the time to think about...

Do you want to know the first thing I did when my husband died, Dr Carter?

I turned the central heating up.

I'd not felt warm in years.

Well, I knew he could be a little bit parsimonious.

A little bit?

My late husband was as tight as a monkey's bum.

And if I choose to be extravagant now,

whether it's my actual choice or a vaguely chemical one, I'm happy.

My impulses.

My control.

My choices at last.

And I choose happy.

Joe?

Joe?

Joe?

Hello.

We've been looking for you.

Do you remember me? I'm a friend of your mummy and daddy.

I am. Come on.

Oh. Ha-ha-ha! Good lad. Are you OK?

Eh?

You've got his name tattooed across your chest.

It's not something I can really ignore.

Why do I have to explain myself?

Because people care about you.

I no longer have to live in a controlling environment.

I don't give a hoot about other people.

Tell me he's winding me up.

If Dad wasn't dead already, he'd die of shame. You're mad!

It's those damn drugs you've given her.

She's asked him to marry her!

How is that not some sort of side-effect?

Don't talk about Deborah as if she isn't here.

You wanted to tell her. Sorry.

-Are you remarrying?

-I'm following my heart.

While he follows the money.

When was I ever interested in money?

Not when we were together, that's for sure!

-What, you were...?

-Yeah, for two years.

-Oh.

During which time, he hardly bothered to work.

-Dominic's done lots of work for me!

-Oh, I'm sure he has.

You're turning yourself into a laughing stock!

Ashley, darling, I really am sorry if this is painful for you,

but I'm going to do what makes me happy.

My health will deteriorate.

I'm in my sixties.

I've wasted enough time already.

I'm in love with your mum and I am committed to her.

It's the drugs!

Come off the meds, see if you love me still.

Why would I?

Now I know what it's like to be loved, I'm doing nothing to risk it.

# It must be love, love, love...#

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

STOMACH RUMBLES

Heston? Take them. Somebody ought to do well out of today.

You do know Ruhma is your friend?

You're obviously not.

She's worried about you.

She knows it's hard on you.

-I just miss my dad.

-Of course you do.

-And my mum is just so...

-She's not going to change.

-And you think I should just accept that?

-It's a start.

Why don't you go?

Your dad adored them.

Mummy doesn't let me have these sweets. Will she shout?

No.

I don't want them. They gave them to me.

Oh, did they?

Well, why don't you give those sweets to my friend here, look?

And then he can put them in one of his special bags.

I don't think your mummy will shout at you.

She might cry a little bit.

Because sometimes we cry when we're happy.

SIREN WAILS

Like when we find something precious that we thought we'd lost.

Oh, look who's here.

-It's OK, Daddy's got you!

-Darling!

ZARA SOBS Are you OK? Did they hurt you?

Not really.

Right, come on, let's go. Let's go, let's go.

ZARA WHISPERS: Thank you.

So, um...what about Ashley, then?

Well, Deborah's my patient, I'll look after her,

and Ashley should take a leaf out of her mother's book and get on with her life.

So, it's not an impulse-control-issue thing?

Isn't that what falling in love is?

Oh!

We've run out of paper towels in the ladies.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Thank you.

Rob's found him. He's safe.

-Oh!

-Who? Who's safe? What have we missed?

Thank goodness!

MRS TEMBE EXHALES

All right. Jump in the middle, darling.

And we will be two minutes. OK?

I don't think Joe was ever in any real danger.

How could you say that? There's no way you can know that!

-They could have hurt him! They could have killed him!

-No, no, no.

Yes! And I am warned! It's worked!

There is no way that I'm going to testify now!

-We have to remember there's a bigger picture.

-Forget it!

-I've made my decision.

-Listen, I understand...

No! OK?

Our family is no longer part of this!

From now on, I can ONLY think about us.

Other patients who call this surgery

can't speak to a person, no matter how long they wait.

Our policy is to answer every phone call with...

Within five rings? I know. Never happens, though, does it?

-Al?

-Hi.

-Hello!

-How you doing?

-Oop!

-Whoop! Eh! Ah! Mwah! Mwah!

I only agreed to this to collect enough evidence

to make a stronger case for your closure.