The Impotence of Iain Ernest Doctors

Are you OK?

Not really.

What is it?

It's about last night.

What about it?

My performance,

or rather, the total lack of it.

These things happen.

What I mean is,

sometimes they don't happen.

Well, this hasn't happened

for over a month.

Well, there's no point

in keeping a diary.

I should probably

go and see the doctor.

It's probably nothing.

Just overwork.

Stress.

Hi, Gavin, how's it going?

Oh, that's marvellous.

Yeah, I've got

the sponsorship sorted.

Of course I can.

Raring to go.

Yeah, well, we'll touch base then.

Yeah, that's great.

Bye.

That's Gavin about this

sponsored zip wire.

I'm already feeling a bit nauseous.

Iain?

Yes?

Why is there blood on your shirt?

Oh, I must have a touch of eczema.

Can I have a look?

I'm running

a bit late, Louise.

Iain!

Don't fob me off. I...

Hi, Jeff.

Yes, yes, I've got the report,

I'll bring it with me.

Iain, don't forget

we're doing lunch.

So, what sort of sandwiches

would you like?

Well, it is...

It is not important.

Cos they do say that oily fish

is good for the brain.

Will you be needing much brainpower

in your partners' meeting?

Just get enough sandwiches

for four people.

Or perhaps that should be three.

I assume that Dr Granger

will not be attending.

Well, you assume right.

He's recuperating,

and right now he's under a duvet.

Oh, do send him my love.

I just can't believe

something like that could happen

in Letherbridge. It just goes

to show you nowhere's safe.

How's Ruhma?

Ah, she's fine. She just has a cold.

She did not want to pass it on

to the mothers and babies.

But Dr Vere is happy

to do her checks.

Happy?

Ha! Can't believe his luck!

He says he's looking forward to it,

cos he doesn't get to do

many maternity cases.

So, he's seeing

it as an opportunity.

Yes, well, I'm glad to hear it.

Daniel! Hello!

Hi. Are you going to answer that?

Daniel, what are you doing here?

I thought were going

to spend the day in bed?

I changed my mind. Somebody's got

to do some work around here.

Well, it is very good to see you,

but there is no need for you

to be back so soon.

I hope you are not pushing yourself.

What's the alternative? Death?

I've tried that already.

That's all right.

I'm more than capable.

Right. That's me.

Thank you.

Keep the change.

Ta.

Yeah?

I brought you some post.

Thank you.

I won't ask how you are,

cos I'm sure you

feel like absolute death warmed up,

but I just wanted to let you know

that I am here for you.

And?

And if you ever wanted to talk...

If if I wanted to talk?

OK, let's presume we have that

talk, Valerie. How would it help?

Would you suddenly be able to

hunt down the man who stabbed me?

Or would you be able

to use your magic fingers to heal

the stab wound itself?

Or, let me guess, would it just be

a fantastic bit of gossip for you?

I wouldn't dream of gossiping.

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, you can. Leave.

Fine. Be like that.

So, it's been three months

since the diagnosis.

How are things?

I'm practically Evil Knievil.

I'm taking part in a sponsored

zip wire ride at the weekend.

I've initiated a

young entrepreneurs scheme at work.

And because I've got

a few hours left in the week,

I've joined

a wheelchair volleyball team.

I never knew you were so sporty.

I never used to be,

but I'm really enjoying it now.

I admire your positive attitude.

So, what can I do for you?

I was wondering

if you could give me a pill?

Are we talking painkillers?

No.

A little blue pill.

That's great.

If you'd like to take a seat,

the doctor will be with you shortly.

Oh, doctor? I thought

I was going to see Ruhma?

Oh, she's off sick today.

Nothing serious, but she didn't

want to spread any nasty bugs.

But Dr Vere is lovely.

He'll do all the checks.

OK, thank you.

Hiya.

All right?

When are you due?

Three weeks.

That's nice.

No, it isn't.

Really?

It's going to hurt like hell

when you have it.

And then it'll cry

all night for six months,

and you're going to smell.

Your breath's going

to smell like you've been

brushing your teeth

with a bog brush.

Stop scratching, Daenerys!

Lily?

Yes?

Hi. Do you want to come through?

Yes, please.

And how long has this

been troubling you?

A few weeks.

It's like a part of me

has suddenly turned to stone.

Well, not stone obviously,

because that's quite hard...

Have you discussed it

with your wife at all?

I've tried to. Though it can be

quite difficult to bring up.

You do seem quite stressed?

Wouldn't you be?

I'll never be a Premier League

footballer,

but I should at least be able

to please Louise.

Well, before I prescribe anything,

I'll have to give you

a full health check.

Really?

Yes, because erectile dysfunction

can be symptomatic

of another problem.

Marvellous.

Right. I just need to ask you

a few questions.

How many units of alcohol

do you drink a week?

Oh, only a soupcon.

A glass of red with a Sunday roast,

maybe a small sherry at Christmas.

OK, let's say four?

Where a medium glass of wine

is two units...

Not even that. More like one.

You don't smoke, do you?

Never have, never will.

Mm-hm. And your general fitness

is pretty good?

From the waist up,

I'm practically Usain Bolt!

I don't know what's happening to me.

Do you mind

slipping your jacket off?

Right, you are two kilos heavier

than last time.

Oh. Is that good?

Well, it means you're heading

in the right direction,

but you are going to get a lot

bigger before the birth.

Oh.

Not long now.

I keep a calendar right by my bed,

and I tick it off every morning.

You do know that only 5% of babies

actually arrive on their due date?

Yeah, I know.

But, if it's anything like me,

it's going to be late.

Right. Do you want to hop on the bed

and I'll examine your bump?

Oh, do you want me

to get someone to chaperone?

Oh, nah, it's all right.

You sure?

OK. Jump up.

I just want to measure

little junior here.

So, if you could hold that

there for me.

Thank you.

Where are we? There.

And 32 cm.

What does that mean?

It means your baby might be

a little bit on the small side.

Oh. It's good enough for me.

What did they say at St Phil's?

Erm, they had a look,

and they said everything was OK.

I mean, I was a small baby.

OK, one thing that really can affect

a baby's growth is smoking.

Oh, I've given up! Honest.

I promised.

Yeah, I believed you.

Right then, how would you like

to hear your baby's heartbeat?

Yeah!

130 over 80.

Is that bad?

It's a bit high,

but you are quite stressed.

Of course I'm stressed!

I don't know what's happening to me.

A bit of my anatomy,

which has always been keen to

join in the fun, just suddenly

seems to have given up the ghost.

Would you like me to refer you

to a sexual health specialist?

No, I want you to give me a pill.

Well, we don't give out pills

willy-nilly...

so to speak.

Well, you never used to

have qualms about medication.

I remember when you used to give out

pills like a pantomime dame

throwing sweets.

What are the marks on your arm?

Volleyball injury.

It can get quite vicious.

Well, they seem quite nasty.

Can I have a look?

No, thank you.

It's not what I came in for.

Sorry, Heston. I have to go.

But we haven't finished yet?

No, I really have to go.

Iain, it's your wife here,

remember me?

We were supposed to go for lunch

in town, and house-hunting?

Well, call me as soon

as you get this...

if you can be bothered.

Right.

That is a very healthy

little heartbeat.

Oh, my days!

I can't get used to it.

Not long now, little one.

How did you get

those bruises, Lily?

It's nothing.

Doesn't look like nothing.

You're not in any trouble, are you?

Not any more.

Have you all had the chance

to look through the agenda?

Yeah, I have, but there's something

I'd like to add to it.

Oh, yes?

This proposal from the CCG.

We've been waffling on

about it for months.

I think it's time

we bite the bullet.

Which CCG proposal?

Extending the working hours.

Come on, we all knew this

was going to happen.

This is going to be

very unpopular with the staff.

Well, they're just going to have

to suck it up, aren't they?

We are here to serve the public,

not run some sort of social club.

But what about those members of

staff who have children,

who are now going to have to pay

a fortune in childcare?

You mean us? I think we'll cope.

Actually, I meant Karen

and her foster children?

Is this really the right time?

Every other

practice is going to do it.

So, if we don't,

the CCG will penalise us.

So yes, we need to do it now,

while we still exist.

Yes, I was expecting a taxi,

the Mill Health Centre.

Well, I'm sure I ordered it.

Hello?

It turns out it was nothing.

Just her allergies.

Oi, Daenerys! The doctor said

don't scratch it, so don't!

What have you done!?

I'm not buying you any more!

It's all right. I'm sure I'm sure

we can rescue them.

What's your name?

Er, I've got to go.

There's this really weird bloke

talking to me.

Can you see a broom,

or a long-handled implement?

Just leave it. We don't need it.

It's fine. Look,

just because I'm in a wheelchair

doesn't mean I'm incapable.

Daenerys, we're going.

What are you doing?!

You flipping maniac!

Come on!

Argh!

Argh!

I just think it's wrong that the

rest of the world is working

longer and longer hours,

and we cling to the standard day.

Why should we be stuck in the '70s?

Dr Granger, this will take

a great deal of reorganisation.

Which we've talked

about and planned for.

I believe that's what

we pay you for.

Perhaps we should take a vote?

Why? No!

We just have to get on and do it.

If we don't,

we'll be in breach of contract.

So, decision made.

No. No, no, that's fine. OK.

Bye.

Valerie, any sign of my 1:10?

Ah, she just phoned to cancel.

Apparently her flare-up's

gone down again.

In that case, there's a cup of tea

with my name on it.

Dr Carter!

Mrs Ernest.

Have you seen my husband?

I can't really discuss that, on the

grounds of patient confidentiality.

Yes, in other words, yes.

How did he seem to you?

Ah, well, as I said, I can't say.

He's been acting really odd

recently. Disorganised, scatty.

We were meant to meet up for lunch

in town, but he didn't show up,

and his secretary seemed

to think that he'd come here.

It does sound like

you need a conversation with him.

So, where is he?!

Have you seen him?

I am also sworn to secrecy.

My lips are sealed

by my medical professionalism.

Oh, for goodness' sake!

If you won't help me,

then what's the point of you?

Does anyone know

that bloke in the wheelchair?

He's had an accident!

Now, the last item on the agenda.

Security.

What about it?

Well, with the trial coming up,

we need to ensure the safety

of our staff and, of course,

the patients.

Good idea.

Cos, of course, some partners

aren't that bothered about security.

They'd rather go on

a pointless quest for justice,

never mind what happens

to their so-called loved ones.

Well, I have spoken to

Sergeant Hollins, and there will be

regular police checks, but this

seems like a modest measure to me.

There's other things we could do.

We could

put CCTV inside the building.

I think you're forgetting that

these people have no sense of fear.

One of them stabbed me,

right outside my house.

So, put in all the CCTV you like,

it's not going to stop them.

In fact, all it will do is mean we

can watch the footage afterwards.

Iain? Iain!

Come on! Come to me!

Yes! I can do this.

I can do it!

Iain! What are you doing?

I was just trying to help.

I knew we had one here somewhere.

A rep left it as a sample,

and I'm sure Ruhma won't mind

if I give it to you.

What is it?

There's all sorts in here.

You've got some coconut moisturiser,

you've got some nappies,

breast pads, baby wipes and there's

even a mattress for the cot, look.

Lily?

I haven't got a cot.

Don't worry. Because, you see this

box, it can be used as a cot.

That's what it

was designed for, look.

It's lovely,

but I've got nowhere to put it.

I've got nowhere to live.

Are you in pain?

No, I'm fine. I really should

get back in my chair, though.

Well, I'd like one of our nurses

to have a look at you.

I'm still concerned about

those marks on your arm.

You worry too much.

But they may as well,

while I'm here.

With your permission, I'd like

to have a chat with your wife.

She's very concerned about you.

Yes.

Why not?

OK.

Oh, Dr Clay.

I had to get away from Daniel

and Zara and the constant sniping.

Ah, yes. Well, they have been under

a great deal of stress

since the stabbing, and we seem to

be getting caught in the crossfire.

As usual.

And there is going

to be more arguing

when I explain

about the extended hours.

I know that Dr Granger

has a point,

but it is not

going to go down very well.

Hmm. We'll be there to support

you if anyone gets difficult.

Well, I would find

that more reassuring

if you were not going away

for a two week holiday.

Well, why don't we call

a meeting, talk about things?

Costings, whether we need

more members of staff.

That sort of thing.

Get the ball rolling.

That would be a very good idea.

Tomorrow morning, in my office?

Yeah, why not?

And we will have to keep

this secret.

I do not want any rumours.

I do not want somebody getting

hold of the wrong end of the stick,

and doing something

inappropriate with it.

So, where are you staying now?

My mate Ellie's house.

But her mum's not happy,

she wants me out.

So where are you going to go?

I don't know.

I thought you still

stayed at home, Lily.

Yeah, well, I told my dad I was

pregnant, and he did this to me.

So, I'm not going back there.

What about your boyfriend?

Is he around? Erm, supportive?

He was.

He is.

I've just not seen him all week

and he won't answer his phone.

So...

This ain't good, Lil.

I mean, you're not even 16,

you need a permanent address,

somewhere stable.

Do you think I don't know that?

It's what I think about

this whole time.

Sorry.

Do social services know?

No.

I don't want them to know anything.

I told them that I'm stopping

with my dad.

They'll probably put me

in some kind of home or something.

Honestly, Lily, they're not

going to do that.

Look, this can't be any good for you

or the baby's health.

Yeah, well...

I don't know what to do.

I do know someone

who might be able to help you.

Post-polio syndrome.

How is he coping?

Well, in terms of mobility,

he's a wizard.

He's always out and about.

Usually on the bus.

He doesn't drive?

Oh, no, it's just easier on the bus,

because he doesn't have

to get out of the wheelchair.

And he's just on the go

from morning till night.

Mm-hm. And emotionally?

Well, he just seems to be getting

more and more disorganised.

We were meant to go to an

estate agents' at lunchtime.

Looking for a nice,

wheelchair-friendly bungalow

to move into.

But no, he didn't show up,

no phone call, he just forgot.

Well, maybe, he doesn't want

to move into a bungalow

because it feels

like an admission of defeat.

Hello!

Should my ears be burning?

Am I another chapter

in Dr Carter's Casebook?

Well, we're both

very concerned about you.

Well, don't be! Life goes on.

We trundle along.

Sometimes we forget things,

bump into things, it's no big deal.

Fine! Fine.

I mean, I've just done what I can.

But when all you are going to do

is put up a brick wall, then,

what's the point of me?

Oh, no, Louise!

What's this?

Maybe I lied about

one or two units of alcohol.

It's not just one or two units.

It's one or two bottles.

Mostly vodka...

..as that doesn't smell as much.

Oh, Iain!

And yesterday, the marks.

I'd gone to the off-licence

to buy some.

Attached half a dozen bottles

to the handles of my wheelchair.

Bus came.

I tried to wheel myself up the ramp.

Gravity had other ideas.

Yes. Thank you,

that would be wonderful.

Yeah, I'll see what she says.

OK. Thank you, Nathan.

Bye.

OK, that was my colleague

at social services.

Now, he says,

if you're willing, he's going

to try and find you a

placement with a foster family.

OK, so you'd have your own room,

you'd be safe, comfortable,

and you could stay there

for as long as it takes

until you get back on your feet.

What family?

I don't know, but they'll have done

this before.

Look, you're a priority, Lily.

They're not going to send you

with someone horrible, are they?

They're not going to want to take me

once they find out I'm pregnant.

Of course they will!

You and your baby

come as a package now.

Yeah, well...

How do I know I can trust them?

Well, there's one positive

to come out of this.

Yes?

Drinking excessively explains

the problems you've been having.

I just wanted a magic pill

to make it all work again.

We all want a magic pill.

Why are you drinking so much?

I don't know.

It just seems to calm me down.

But why do you take on so much?

Two years ago,

you were happily pottering around,

enjoying yourself,

talking about early retirement.

Then the illness happens,

suddenly you turn into action man.

I've always been a busy person.

Now you're practically manic!

You used to be quiet and bookish.

Now it's sponsored zip wires

or wheelchair volleyball.

You have to keep active.

When I had the use of my legs,

I never really bothered with them.

Since they've packed up...

I've been determined to push myself.

How far?

Into a ditch?

Under a number nine bus?

Into an early grave?

And, as we've just seen, you're

still insisting on using your legs,

despite how weak they've become.

You're clearly not coping,

you find it hard to reach out,

which explains the situation

you're in. You feel...

impotent.

You're right.

I never stop.

Never take a day off.

And?

And maybe it is time to slow down.

Start spending time

appreciating what I've got.

Do you really mean it?

I do.

If you stop trying so hard,

sometimes good things happen.

And what if I don't like them?

Then they'll find you

somewhere else!

Look, you've only got a few weeks to

go, you need to be somewhere safe.

Not just for you, but for your baby.

OK.

Thank you.

Look, you won't regret it.

I promise.

Can my boyfriend visit as well?

Course, he can.

He's going to be a dad soon.

He's going to want to

get to know his own son or daughter.

Don't suppose

you know which, do you?

No, we wanted it to be a surprise.

It's exciting, isn't it?

I'm sure it is.

So, you are looking forward

to it, yeah?

Yeah.

Me and Austin, we grew up

on this crappy estate...

..single parent families.

Austin's mum's all right.

And my dad, well...

..you saw what he can do.

But now we've got this baby,

we're going to make it work.

Austin's going to

do his apprenticeship

and I might go back and do my GCSEs.

Good for you.

Look, there are plenty of people

who have a tough start in life,

but they work hard,

they're really determined,

and they make

something of themselves.

I reckon you can do that too.

Thank you.

# Give me your love

# And I'll give you

the perfect love song

# With a divine Beatles bass line

# And a big old Beach Boys sound

# I'll match you pound for pound

# Like heavy-weights

in the final round

# We'll hold on to each other

# So we don't fall down

# Give me a wink

# And I'll give you

what I think you're after

# With just one kiss

# I will whisk you away to where

angels often tread

# We'll paint this planet red

# We'll stumble back

to our hotel bed... #

Well, I hope you've got that

out of your system now.

What?

Trying to humiliate me

in front of Mrs Tembe.

Oh, I see.

So, that's what you care about.

Not your partner, your family,

but what Mrs Tembe thinks?

I am not doing this to please her.

I'm doing this because

it is the right thing to do.

Oh? For who? DI Stanton?

Hope he's worth it.

So, that's what this is about?

Are you jealous?

I think I have every right to be,

when you don't seem

to care if I live or die.

I am doing this to keep

everyone safe! You, me, Joe!

You know he's still having

nightmares, don't you?

He drew another picture of me

this morning, being stabbed.

If you really cared about your son,

why are you bringing in these

ridiculous extended hours?

We're never going to see each other.

That's fine by me.

I was down by the big tree

and I think I saw someone.

What are you talking about?

Kamari.

Do you think being part of a

minority will affect your chances

of becoming a partner?

I think my experiences

will be very similar

to those of my white colleagues.

Imagine Al's reaction

when we tell him that.

Yes, well, none of the staff

are going to be happy.