It's Strange Doctors


It's Strange

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CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

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You should listen to the music. It's wonderful.

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What do you think?

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Sorry.

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Really?

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It's just... What does it all mean?

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HE SIGHS

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SHE COUGHS

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SHE COUGHS

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I don't deserve you.

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No, but I like a project!

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It's damp in here.

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It's atmospheric.

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Come to Spain with me.

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We've been through this.

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Why not?

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You know why not. I make my own money.

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You don't need to! My salary, the relocation package...

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And then what? Start a family?

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I'm not a housewife, Alfie.

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No, you're not.

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Meaning?

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Why won't you stop seeing other men?

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They mean nothing to me.

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-Then stop.

-How would I live?

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How CAN you live, knowing what you have to do?

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They're just...friends.

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Friends? They're sugar daddies.

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Is this why you want me to come to Spain?

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No, I want you to come because I love you.

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And Spain'll be so good for you.

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Good for YOU, you mean. I won't know anyone.

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I don't speak the language.

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You'll keep me locked away whilst you're at work.

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Fine.

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I'll go on my own.

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Alfie?

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RINGTONE

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Yes!

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What are you actually doing?

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Trying to get tickets to a sold-out gig.

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They've just come up.

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There's a website in case anyone's got any spares.

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And you've just bought some?

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Almost. I just need to call Mum for her credit card.

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Hang on. Is that just for pop concerts?

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Don't see why.

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Well, what if someone was hoping to get tickets

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for a sold-out performance of La Traviata at the Hippodrome

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and had tried everything?

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"Someone" should see if there's a website for opera tickets,

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check that it's secure, then build themselves a profile.

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How would someone do that?

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I really do need to call Mum.

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What if someone helped?

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And why would someone do that?

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Well, they might if...

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someone...

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had a credit card.

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Are you OK?

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I've got a lot on my mind, Karen.

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About our training weekend?

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Hm. Amongst other things.

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I don't see why we need training.

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It all seems pretty straightforward to me.

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Well, you say that now,

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but we have no idea what we might be walking into.

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Well, did you not hear Mrs Tembe?

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We're going to be briefed before we go in.

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What if there's a dog and they smell Geoffrey on me?

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What if one of these vulnerable patients has got a baby

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and they ask me to hold it?

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Have they considered the insurance implications?

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Um...I'm going to make a cup of tea. Do you want one?

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-No, thanks.

-OK.

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Morning.

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Ayesha.

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I've been thinking about what you said

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about me not being able to have children.

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Oh, that's not what I said.

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I haven't been able to think about anything else.

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What I said was, phone up an make an appointment with your haematologist.

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Right.

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Phone up. Make an appointment.

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Right.

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I will.

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I will.

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If they do not arrive soon, the food will be cold.

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And?

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I should not have allowed you to talk me into this.

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Honesty is the best policy.

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If you're dealing with honest people, maybe, but this is business.

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All the same...

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I know these people. They won't listen to us.

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But if we show them...

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There will be consequences.

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Maybe...

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but by then, it'll be too late.

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Oh, no.

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Jamahl Habib, Trust catering manager.

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Mrs Tembe, the Mill Health Centre practice manager.

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This is Mr Kenwright.

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Yes, we've met. Shall we begin?

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POP MUSIC PLAYS

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Have I just paid for you to see them?

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Two front-row seats.

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Who's the other ticket for?

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We should really get this photo done.

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I'm going to have to tell your mum.

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What about here?

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Do I really need a photo?

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You want to get your post noticed, don't you?

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OK. Do it here, in front of the camellias.

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-Huh?

-They're in the opera.

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Not bad. Do another one.

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MUSIC FROM LA TRAVIATA PLAYS

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You look beautiful.

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Are you trying to take the credit?

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Who else makes you feel like I do?

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No-one. You're incredible.

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SHE COUGHS

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Come to Spain.

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What for, the clean air? This isn't the 1850s.

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Then go to the doctor's.

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I'll never get an appointment.

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RINGTONE

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OK, so there's my profile up and running.

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"OperaTrack". All done. Your profile, plus

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you're on the forum saying you're looking for tickets.

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Thank you very much. Excellent.

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By the way, who's your other ticket for?

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Oh! Look, you've got replies already.

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They don't have any tickets.

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Aren't you going to reply?

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What? Reply to their reply?

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Yeah. A couple of them say they'll keep a look-out for you.

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And I will pay them handsomely when they get me tickets.

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In the meantime, work.

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Of course I'm not neglecting you, Harold.

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I just haven't really been going out very much at all.

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SHE COUGHS

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I haven't been feeling very well recently,

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but it's nothing serious.

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And I've been thinking about you, too.

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Are you still on the board at the Hippodrome?

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Right. We have a rotisserie of beef primavera, penne formaggi,

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and traditional breaded hake.

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A state-of-the-art supply chain.

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They will produce the food elsewhere then it will be brought onsite

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to be reheated. It is cost-saving,

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but the food will maintain its moisture and nutrients.

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And taste delicious.

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Hello, Haematology, please.

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BABY SCREAMS

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Yes, I was wondering if it would be possible to have an appointment

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with Dr Papadopolous. ..My name...?

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Oh, actually, sorry, I'm going to have to call you back.

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-Can I help you?

-For Dr Carter.

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Ooh! Who are they from?

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It doesn't say.

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Hm, that's exciting, isn't it?

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-There we go.

-Thank you.

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Bye.

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Who are they for?

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They're for Heston.

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Who from?

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It's anonymous.

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Oh, I say. Nice jeans.

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Hm. Physically, yes. But, delivering flowers at his age?

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Um, I'd better pop them here.

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Well, the claims you made were great.

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But for all the fancy names,

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isn't this just roast beef, macaroni cheese, and fish and chips?

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Not delicious, not moist,

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and if there ever was any nutritional value,

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it's all been boiled out of it.

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We've tasted all three meals, and all three of them are overcooked,

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over-salted, and over-processed.

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I see.

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So, if there's nothing else...

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There was just one thing.

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The food you've just eaten...

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Mrs Tembe?

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The food you have just eaten

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is what is currently on offer in this hospital.

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I beg your pardon?

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This is what your patients will be eating today.

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Is this some kind of joke?

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No. It is just an illustration of how much things need to change.

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With a stunt like this?

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It was the only thing we could think of to make our point.

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And you only have to eat it once.

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If you would just like to give us one minute,

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we would like to offer you an alternative.

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What if they're allergic?

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You're not going to be sending them flowers!

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No - to Geoffrey?

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Valerie, it's just a few visits. You're over-thinking it.

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Maybe.

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You might not need the training, but for me, one course

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over one weekend is not going to make me a health-care professional.

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You're not going to BE a health-care professional.

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Oh! Thanks for that, Karen.

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Well, I di... I di...

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Oh, someone's sent you flowers.

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-Really?

-There's no card.

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Ruhma?

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Not really her style. Camellias - how strange.

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-Aren't you going to take them with?

-No, you keep them.

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-Morning.

-Morning.

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So if, as you say, I am not a professional...

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Not a health-care professional.

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Then, why am I doing the job of one?

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You're not! It's just a bit of human contact.

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A bit of conversation.

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Although if this is anything to go by...

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Sorry, do you mind if I butt in?

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It's just that, since I'm going to be running the VPAS initiative,

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I'd be more than happy to hear any concerns.

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I don't have any concerns.

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No, but I do, and I would very much like to discuss them with you.

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Right. Well, what about lunchtime?

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This lunchtime?

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Yes. Have you got anything else on?

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No. No. Nothing that can't wait.

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Good. Well, I'll see you both, then.

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-Right, then.

-Right, then.

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By cooking the food fresh, we have the flexibility to cater for

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patients with complicated nutritional requirements

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such as kosher, halal, vegans, gluten-free...

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It's good, eh?

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I have taken the liberty

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of preparing these projections

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of the supply chain.

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Thank you. Oh, er...

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Now, Chef Luke Armannsson has given me access to his suppliers

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and he's very keen to be an advisor.

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Staff hiring and retention figures

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are based on the expiration of the hospital's current contract.

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Sounds like you've thought of everything.

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Thank you.

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Now, if you wouldn't mind leaving so that we can confer?

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Yes. Yes, of course.

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I knew this was a bad idea!

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It wasn't. It worked perfectly.

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Worked perfectly? He is furious.

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Because he knows we're right.

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And why did you say, "Oh, no," when you saw him?

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I've met him before.

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And?

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It was at another hospital. About their food.

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I didn't know he was in charge of catering for the whole Trust now.

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And we have just humiliated him.

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-We're ready for you now.

-Right.

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Are you intending to run this operation yourself?

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Oh, no.

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I have contacted a catering company who have expressed an interest.

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What exactly is your interest?

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I was a patient here.

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And I work at a food bank.

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I know how important it is for the weak to be nourished.

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80% of our patients are satisfied with their meals.

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If you believe the numbers.

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Maybe the patients feel too vulnerable to criticise.

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Not something that seems to be afflicting you.

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I say it like I see it.

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Yes, I remember.

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You put up a very convincing case.

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Thank you.

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Unfortunately, we can't say yes or no now.

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So what happens next?

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What happens next is that, although we can't say yes...

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You are saying yes?

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We did it!

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No, let's wait and see.

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No. Let's not wait and see.

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They said yes!

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OPERA MUSIC PLAYS

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KNOCKING

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One moment.

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Violet, please have a seat.

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So, what can I do for you?

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I've been coughing rather a lot.

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Mm-hm? Do you think that's the asthma or the TB?

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A bit of both.

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You're still keeping up your appointments at St Phil's?

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Yes.

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-And you're taking isoniazid and rifampicin?

-Yes.

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And you're using your inhaler?

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Discreetly.

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I've taken up with a younger man.

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He wants me to move to Spain with him.

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How lovely.

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I wouldn't know anyone.

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No more St Phil's, and I'd have to stop seeing you.

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Well, if you went to Spain, yes.

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I've been coming here for years.

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I'm sure they have plenty of very good doctors.

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Not like you.

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SHE COUGHS

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Do you have your inhaler?

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Yes.

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There's no need to be embarrassed.

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Just my vanity.

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You haven't put your flowers up in your room.

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-Oh, they were from you?

-Mm.

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Why?

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Your profile picture. The opera.

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I left you a message but you didn't reply.

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Well, I didn't reply to any of them.

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Any of them? How many did you get?

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Well, let's come back to you and why you're here.

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-To say thank you.

-For what?

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For everything that you've done. I'll never find anyone like you.

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So, these other replies that you got.

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Did any of them get you front-row seats?

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Violet, if those are opera tickets, I can't accept them.

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Why not?

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Because it would be inappropriate.

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Because you're married? You're not wearing a wedding ring.

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Whatever my circumstances, it would be inappropriate.

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Fine.

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Take someone else.

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What's happened?

0:17:040:17:06

What did he say?

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Violet?

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Another satisfied customer.

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MUSIC FROM LA TRAVIATA PLAYS

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It really is what they get given.

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I assume it was your idea.

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The "stunt", yeah.

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But the rest of it is all Mrs Tembe,

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and whatever problems you and me have had...

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The staff petition at Sutton Vale Hospital.

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We couldn't eat the food.

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And now the patients at St Phil's can't. Is there a theme?

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Whatever problems we've had, just don't take it out on her.

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Why would I? I'd never stand in the way of progress.

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Let's just say we see things differently.

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Of course, initiatives like this require cost-cutting elsewhere.

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Why? It should save the Trust money.

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But there are administration costs with every change.

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Although saying that, things in this hospital need changing,

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so maybe this is an opportunity to do that.

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I think so.

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Good. I'm glad we agree.

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Me, too.

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You don't fancy taking one home?

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No, I had some earlier.

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How do we know this is not the NHS just trying to pull a fast one?

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Saving money on doctors and nurses and health visitors?

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Won't we be putting people out of jobs?

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I'll tell you what - why don't you go on the course,

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see if that answers your concerns, and if not, come and talk to me?

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Good idea.

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Yeah, but I've got concerns now. Pre-course.

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I mean, I'll probably have loads afterwards, but I would like to deal with them now.

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What if I feel unsafe?

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Then, you shouldn't go in.

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Yeah, but what if I do and there's a medical emergency?

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It'd be the same as if you were anywhere.

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Exactly. I mean, you'd call an ambulance, or us.

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What if the patient expects me to help them?

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Then, you would simply explain that it isn't your role.

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They'll just be really pleased to see you.

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They know you haven't got any medical experience.

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Yeah, but will they? What happens when someone has a baby?

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Or collapses? Or dies?

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Will you cheer up?

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Well, I would like to, Karen,

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but the truth is, I haven't got any medical experience,

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and I just don't think I'm up to it. I can see it going very badly wrong.

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No, I'm sorry, Emma, but I'm just going to have to say no.

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COUGHING

0:19:430:19:46

Come out and talk to me.

0:19:460:19:49

Something's going on, I know it is.

0:19:500:19:52

Vi?

0:19:520:19:54

Are you OK?

0:19:580:20:00

I'm fine. Nothing's going on.

0:20:000:20:03

Prove it.

0:20:030:20:05

Oh! Get off me. I'm ill.

0:20:050:20:07

Ill with what? The TB?

0:20:070:20:09

Yes.

0:20:090:20:10

You've been weird since the doctor's. What did he say?

0:20:100:20:13

He didn't say anything.

0:20:130:20:15

Just tell me and I can help.

0:20:150:20:17

Help how? By taking me away?

0:20:170:20:19

I want you to come and start a new life with me.

0:20:190:20:22

What's wrong with that?

0:20:220:20:24

Who would I go to then?

0:20:240:20:26

We'll find another doctor.

0:20:260:20:29

If that's all he is?

0:20:290:20:30

Of course he is.

0:20:300:20:31

Not another sugar daddy?

0:20:310:20:33

Don't be ridiculous.

0:20:330:20:35

BUZZER

0:20:350:20:37

Yes?

0:20:450:20:47

Oh, hello, I'm Dr Carter from the Mill Health Centre.

0:20:470:20:50

Heston?

0:20:500:20:51

Do you bring all your patients flowers?

0:20:520:20:54

Well, actually, I'm returning them.

0:20:540:20:56

Why, what's the matter - don't you like them?

0:20:560:20:58

-You bought HIM flowers?

-Here, hold on a minute...

0:20:580:21:00

What's this?

0:21:000:21:01

He wouldn't go with me.

0:21:010:21:03

No, well, of course I wouldn't. I can't accept gifts, I'm your doctor.

0:21:030:21:06

Do you want to do this out here or in there?

0:21:060:21:08

Well, actually, I'd rather leave.

0:21:080:21:10

SHE COUGHS

0:21:100:21:12

Vi!

0:21:120:21:14

On her side.

0:21:180:21:20

Right, yes. Yes. ..Thank you.

0:21:210:21:25

Thank you. ..Yeah. Bye.

0:21:260:21:28

Oh! Oh! Sorry. I was looking for somewhere private.

0:21:320:21:36

-Oh.

-I thought you'd gone out.

0:21:360:21:37

It's fine.

0:21:370:21:40

And sorry about earlier as well.

0:21:400:21:43

I... I just don't think I'm up to it.

0:21:430:21:46

Don't you? I think you are.

0:21:460:21:48

But this is people's lives!

0:21:480:21:51

Exactly, and you can make a difference to them.

0:21:510:21:55

Especially with what you went through with cancer.

0:21:550:21:57

Think about it - what made the biggest impact on you?

0:21:570:22:02

Was it always the consultant

0:22:020:22:04

or was it sometimes a kind word from a passer-by?

0:22:040:22:08

The consultant. Actually, I've just phoned him.

0:22:080:22:10

All right. Well, what about friends? Look at Ayesha.

0:22:100:22:14

She went to a lot of your appointments with you.

0:22:140:22:16

That's true.

0:22:160:22:18

Basically what we're doing is caring for people.

0:22:180:22:21

No-one's more caring than you, Valerie.

0:22:210:22:24

-No?

-Hm.

0:22:240:22:26

So?

0:22:270:22:29

OPERA MUSIC PLAYS

0:22:300:22:33

Be careful.

0:22:420:22:44

Precious cargo, I know. Relax, mate.

0:22:440:22:46

-I'm always careful.

-She's in safe hands.

0:22:460:22:49

How're you doing?

0:22:510:22:53

Yeah, good. I'm really good. Winifred'll tell you.

0:22:530:22:56

Cheers. Hey, good luck.

0:22:560:22:58

Look, about earlier, jumping to conclusions...

0:22:590:23:03

I realise there was a misunderstanding.

0:23:030:23:06

I just get so...wound up.

0:23:060:23:08

I know.

0:23:080:23:10

I love her, but I don't know what she wants.

0:23:110:23:13

Can I ask you, as the partner of someone with TB,

0:23:130:23:16

have you actually been screened?

0:23:160:23:18

-I'm clear.

-Good.

0:23:180:23:19

-SHE COUGHS

-Vi?

0:23:190:23:22

How are you feeling? You collapsed.

0:23:220:23:24

I've made such a fool of myself.

0:23:240:23:26

Not at all.

0:23:260:23:28

What was I thinking?

0:23:280:23:29

That's what I was going to ask you.

0:23:290:23:31

Well, I think you felt abandoned.

0:23:310:23:34

Sometimes happens when a patient leaves

0:23:340:23:36

a doctor they've been seeing for quite some time.

0:23:360:23:38

And what if I want to come back?

0:23:380:23:40

Does this mean you're going to come?

0:23:400:23:42

What do you think, Heston?

0:23:420:23:44

Is it safe, medically, for me to move to Spain?

0:23:440:23:47

Medically, there's no reason why not. Hot weather.

0:23:470:23:50

A change of lifestyle. They should all be beneficial.

0:23:500:23:52

You should listen to your doctor.

0:23:520:23:54

How am I going to find someone like you?

0:23:540:23:56

A doctor, she means. She's got everything else.

0:23:560:23:59

-Have I?

-Haven't you?

0:23:590:24:01

I'd better be going.

0:24:010:24:03

Heston, do you think it would be possible for me to have a family?

0:24:030:24:09

I mean, with the TB,

0:24:090:24:11

I wouldn't infect any children that I might have?

0:24:110:24:13

It should be fine, but why don't you come and chat to me

0:24:130:24:16

before you leave?

0:24:160:24:18

Children?

0:24:230:24:25

Why not?

0:24:250:24:26

I don't know. One minute I'm trying to tie you down...

0:24:260:24:30

I never said that.

0:24:300:24:31

You said you didn't want to be a housewife.

0:24:310:24:34

-I don't.

-And you wanted to make your own money.

0:24:340:24:36

I do.

0:24:360:24:37

Start a family?

0:24:390:24:41

That's right.

0:24:410:24:42

So, I have decided to be part of VPAS.

0:24:500:24:54

Emma talked me into it.

0:24:540:24:56

She said no-one was more caring than me,

0:24:560:25:00

-although your name did come up.

-MY name?

0:25:000:25:02

Hm. Vis-a-vis coming with me to all my cancer appointments.

0:25:020:25:06

Being there. So I had someone on my side.

0:25:060:25:09

-I was glad to.

-Well, it meant the world to me.

0:25:090:25:12

It was fine. It was nothing, honestly.

0:25:120:25:15

No, it wasn't. You cared.

0:25:150:25:17

I was so worried about phoning Dr Papadopolous.

0:25:190:25:21

I've been sizing men up as donors all day.

0:25:230:25:26

What if Dr P said I was infertile?

0:25:260:25:28

So, did you phone him?

0:25:280:25:30

I did.

0:25:300:25:31

And?

0:25:310:25:32

It's all going to be fine.

0:25:320:25:34

What? He actually said that over the phone?

0:25:340:25:36

No, no. They've got to run some tests,

0:25:360:25:39

but it's going to be fine. I know it is.

0:25:390:25:41

So even if VPAS goes all pear-shaped,

0:25:410:25:43

I'll be off on maternity leave soon.

0:25:430:25:46

I'm going to be a mum.

0:25:460:25:48

You still here?

0:25:540:25:55

I came in early for the presentation then did my shift on top.

0:25:550:25:58

I meant after our conversation about cost-cutting earlier.

0:25:580:26:01

Zero-hours contracts.

0:26:010:26:03

We didn't talk about zero-hours contracts.

0:26:030:26:06

Did we not? Ah.

0:26:060:26:08

Why, what have you done?

0:26:090:26:11

Me? Nothing.

0:26:110:26:13

Though it might be worth answering your phone

0:26:130:26:15

if your line manager calls.

0:26:150:26:17

But I am looking forward to working with Mrs Tembe.

0:26:190:26:22

Mrs Tembe, good evening.

0:26:220:26:24

Good evening, Mr Habib.

0:26:240:26:26

Mr Kenwright.

0:26:280:26:29

Thanks for everything.

0:26:340:26:36

See, what did I tell you?

0:26:370:26:40

Ye of little faith.

0:26:400:26:41

Yeah.

0:26:410:26:43

RINGING

0:26:430:26:46

Who is it?

0:26:460:26:48

My line manager.

0:26:480:26:50

Are you not going to answer it?

0:26:500:26:52

No. Like you say, tonight we're celebrating.

0:26:520:26:56

No need to make a fuss.

0:27:060:27:07

You might need stitches.

0:27:070:27:09

Stop hectoring me!

0:27:090:27:11

Why are you not at work?

0:27:110:27:13

I thought you had the early shift?

0:27:130:27:14

Didn't I tell you?

0:27:140:27:16

Tell me what?

0:27:160:27:17

About some reorganisation.

0:27:170:27:19

-It's fine to move on... Oh!

-SHE GROANS

0:27:190:27:21

-Or not move.

-What's going on?

0:27:210:27:23

Enjoying the show, boys?

0:27:230:27:25

-I've seen better.

-No, not at all.

0:27:250:27:28

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