Tinselitis Doctors

Hello, stranger.

Happy New Year!

I thought I might have seen you over Christmas.

I did pop round with some mince pies.

Oh, you know...

You kept pretty well much to yourself, did you?

Or, or did you go away?

I was here.

Oh, on your ownsome? The whole time?

Yeah, I'm not much for company.

Ah, it's a funny old time of year, isn't it?

Christmas?

No, now, it's like that kiddie's book -

Always Winter, Never Christmas.

You're hanging on for spring, aren't you?

Morning.

Something like that.

Tinselitis. That's what my Noreen always used to call it.

Post-Christmas blues.

Easy to let life just slip by, eh?

Hey, do you fancy a cup of tea?

I've stuff needs doing.

Just the one. I can probably rustle up a bit of cake.

Go on, keep an old man company?

You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?

That's the ticket. Come on.

Good. I was hoping for a debrief on our first evening shift.

Hang on, "our" first evening shift?

Very well, Dr Haskey, your first evening shift.

Miss Pitman has already discussed patient numbers,

but from your perspective, what was your impression?

It was a definite learning curve.

That is an unusually neutral response from you.

It was informative and I learned a lot.

As you have told me on so many occasions,

you are an innovator and invaluable to the practice.

So, I look forward to a more "innovative" account in due course.

I look forward to giving you one.

I thought it was all very subdued.

Well, what were you expecting?

I don't know, a bit more drama.

A bit more, "Oh, thank goodness there was someone here at this late hour,"

OK, Valerie, be careful what you wish for.

Still, it's early days and they all seemed very normal.

Well, everybody seems normal

when they're passing through reception, don't they?

Oh, yeah, and you have them for all of ten minutes.

99.9% of patients don't reveal who

they really are until they're behind a closed door.

I prefer to be less cynical.

-Oh, well, we'll see what happens tonight.

-Why?

Well, last night was a full moon.

Tonight we might get a few patients with lupine complications.

Lupine?

Of or pertaining to the moon.

Is that a real thing?

Yeah, lupine. L-U-P-I-N-E, lupine.

Ooh, got it.

"Of wolf or wolves".

Oh, I get it, "Werewolves".

Where wolves? There wolves, Valerie!

Ha-ha-ha. You're hilarious...

Thank you.

Do you hear much, from the bus company?

Have they talked to you since the...?

The accident? Only when they're obliged to.

Officially I'm still on sick leave.

Well, it's all in the past, isn't it, surely?

New Year, new start, Patrick. Time to move forward.

Almost a year to the day. I think they're hoping I'll resign.

What, just slink away? Don't you dare!

Look, tell me if I'm talking out of turn, but maybe it's time you

thought of getting some different advice.

You know, get yourself out of this slump.

Like what?

Well, I know you're at the Mill, same as me.

I've got an appointment for this evening...

I wouldn't get one this late.

No, see, they've started doing appointments right up

until half past eight.

Now, we could split a taxi.

Phone's over there.

Why don't you give them a call, see if they can help?

You need someone.

You know, it is actually amazing how I'm learning to

control my eating habits.

Hmm. You don't say.

Yeah. Mm - time for my hot water and lemon.

Yeah, I'm off the alcohol,

I'm eating a mainly plant-based diet and I feel fantastic.

All of this in less than 48 hours?

I know! I'm amazed too.

That looks interesting?

Actually, you just might be the person

I need. Er, Mrs Tembe said you are an innovator.

Well, in some things. Not all.

So, could you recommend any apps?

Dieting apps?

No, not dieting.

No, I just want to track my regime

in a kind of a 21st-century way?

OK, well, there are apps out there which will guarantee you

that your food gets to you within 30 minutes.

If it doesn't, you get your delivery free.

-Ah.

-But that's fast food, not fasting food. Hmm.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a regime of my own to keep up.

I'll cut right to it since we're both busy men.

It's, er, nothing life or death.

If you can just sort me out with a prescription, I'll be on my way.

Just one moment.

I need something stronger, that's all.

Is this for the back pain still?

The pain is starting to get in the way of me

doing my job properly and my boss is starting to make comments.

I need things resolved, like, soon as.

Well, you've already been on pain relief longer than

I'd like for this sort of problem.

Well, I'm not mad about it myself.

And the physio hasn't made any difference? No new problems?

No, on both counts.

Well, at this stage I'd like to be lowering the dosage,

not giving you something stronger.

Ah, that doesn't work for me.

Well, erm, I will give you another repeat of the dosage you've

been on so far.

Increasing the dose might mask any underlying problems which

we should explore.

That's it?

I'm going to send you for another X-ray, since you're not improving.

We'll get the results and then we'll take it from there.

All right. Fine.

You should hear from St Phil's within six to eight weeks.

Great. Cheers, Dr Clay.

Ooh, sorry. Jimmi, today is your lucky day!

I doubt it, but go on.

You're scheduled to do the evening shift, this evening, yeah?

What if I told you a kind, generous

and rather handsome colleague was offering to swap shifts?

I'd say we didn't have any handsome colleagues and what have you done with the real Al Haskey?

The one who doesn't like the idea of working longer hours?

I'm right here and I want to take your place.

Two evenings in a row?

That's some serious brownie points you're storing there.

Yeah, I'm just finding it really educational.

OK, well, if no-one has specifically asked to see me, you know?

No, no, I've checked, there ain't nobody. You are not loved.

I am loved. You love me.

That's true, I do. Very, very deeply.

Very.

Right, she's down for a nap.

I can't believe how quickly you can settle her.

Well, hopefully, she'll sleep until it's time to go,

so I can get everything ready.

Oh, I can't believe you're leaving so soon.

I know. Still, we had Christmas with you and Rob.

And that gave me enough time to help me get her into a routine, so...yeah.

That is going to make things so much easier, I promise.

Yeah, well, once we get on the estate, it'll be different.

Carlene will understand.

No, I mean about the noise at the flats. It's never quiet.

Erm, well, that's, that's just going to be like living by a train line,

isn't it?

I mean, if Darcy grows up with it, she's never going to hear it, probably.

Hmm, I hope so.

And it's not going to be forever.

Carlene, she is always going to be there for you.

I bet she can't wait.

Do you think? Nah.

-What?

-It's just I don't really know Carlene that well, do I?

And here I am, packing up everything to go and live there.

You'll be fine.

-Will I?

-Yes.

Yeah. Sorry, you're right.

It's just... Having a wobbly moment, it's just a lot to think about.

Yeah, well, we all do, don't we, when things change?

I mean, I've got to get used to not having a little baby around to

fuss over.

So, come on. Get these things in your bag.

It's not going to be long now.

Thanks.

Do you know what? Erm, I'm going to pop out for a bit.

I'll be gone about an hour. Is that OK?

-Yeah, sure.

-Yeah?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Hello, er, I, er, I need to make an appointment, please.

Evening surgery? Yes, er, I can make that.

KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.

-Hiya.

-Karen? Aren't I coming to you? Not late, am I?

No, no, erm, I just wanted a private word.

Er, I wanted to check what support there's going to

be for Lily now that she's leaving foster care.

Sit down. Erm, yeah, in what way?

I mean, things are going to be difficult, it's going to be

cramped at Carlene's, there's not going to be much money...

There never is.

The system can't cover everything, no matter how much you stretch the budget.

No, I know that. It's at breaking point, it always is.

I was thinking more about practical support?

Well, we're not overly worried.

She's good with the baby and, bottom line, Karen,

she's moving in with family,

which is what we always push for, if we can.

Yeah, but she wants to stay in full-time education,

so that means that she's going to have to find childcare.

And, I mean, she's a child herself.

And I'm worried that she's not going to... That she won't

admit that she can't cope for fear of losing Darcy.

Which is worst-case scenario,

but we'd do everything to ensure that they're not split up.

And she knows that.

So you're not going to be completely out of the picture?

Look, I'll be there to pick her up and take her to Carlene's,

but right now, there's others that need my help.

OK.

Hmm, hmm... Ah, got you. That's great, please take a seat.

Evening, love. Edwin Wolf to see Dr Haskey, 6.10.

That's fine, Mr Wolf.

But if you could work a bit of magic and get this gentleman in first.

Oh, and you are?

Patrick Boyton.

Right. And you have an appointment? OK.

-Are you sure?

-Absolutely.

Right. Let's have a look. Er... Ooh, hang on... Argh!

Sorry, computer's having a bit of a sulk.

Erm, just take a seat.

All right.

And remember to drink lots of fluids.

Ah, slight problem. The computer in reception has gone down.

Frozen completely.

Right. Have you tried putting it into defrost mode?

OK, er, mine's gone too.

-Ooh.

-Hiya.

-What are you doing here?

-Me? I live here.

You know what I mean.

No, I managed to get someone to cover my last hour.

I wanted to see Lily before she went. Tea?

Yes, please.

And where have you been?

I wanted a word with Nathan.

Couldn't you just ring him?

I didn't want Lily to overhear.

Yeah, I bet. I shudder to think the language you used.

What does that mean?

Well, let me guess, that you went in there, all guns blazing,

reading the riot act and telling him what would happen to him

if a certain foster mum got wind of any lapses?

I didn't threaten anyone.

You would say that.

I'm not saying I won't swing for you in a minute.

Oh, lucky me. Just another day, then.

I'll miss them too, you know.

Same problem?

Yeah, it doesn't want to behave, system error throughout.

So...

..I'll see if I can go in the back way without doing a full reboot.

You'd best go and give them your full charm offensive, Valerie.

They are not going to like it.

The wait, I mean, not my charm. Well, fingers crossed.

Oliver Tallis to see Dr Haskey.

Right. Er, I'm sorry, everybody. There will be a slight delay.

It's because we have a system problem.

But Dr Haskey's sorting it, so it shouldn't be too long.

Not that blackmailing virus, I hope? Like last year?

Oh, no, no, definitely not.

We keep all our security bang up-to-date.

Not to worry, then.

How long will it be?

No time at all. Dr Haskey is our resident IT wizard.

Lucky he's here.

Lucky us. Er, tell me, how did GPs ever manage before computers?

Actually...

The same way we all did.

So, maybe you could find a pen and paper somewhere?

It's not her fault.

No, no, it's not.

It's, er, it's ours for being so stupidly dependent on them.

Er, Mr Tallis, I do understand your frustration,

but actually we are a paper-less surgery,

so no computer means we can't easily access patient records.

And, er, what about prescriptions?

Have they disappeared in this paperless utopia?

I'm sure we won't be running too far behind or perhaps

I could reschedule for you?

It won't make any difference to me, I expect.

Why's that?

Shouldn't think I'll need a prescription.

Not sure I'd take anything, anyway.

Wait and see what the doctor says.

Have a bit more faith in the NHS to find an answer.

I don't think I...

Look, you ought to do whatever's recommended,

Patrick. Think how lucky we are to have an NHS in the first place.

He's right.

Sorry?

You should take what you can get.

They'll soon charge you for it through your taxes,

whether you use it or not.

Get your money's worth.

Not quite how I would put it, but point taken.

Where's the gents?

Just through there.

Ah, hang on. Hah. Yep! Up and running again.

Well done.

Well, Skynet put up a good fight, but I bested it, as usual.

Mr Wolf?

Oh, no, actually they've swapped appointments.

-So, you're seeing Mr Boyton next.

-Fair enough, Mr Boyton?

You lost something?

No, just making a final check.

You all packed?

Erm, Rob's bringing down the bags

and all I've got to do is put Darcy in her car seat and that is it.

You're off.

Come here, you.

Ooh, it's going to feel so empty here without you both.

Give it five minutes, I'm sure you'll be happy for the peace

-and quiet again.

-I don't think so. Hey.

-What's this?

-It's for a rainy day.

-Karen.

-Don't tell Rob.

Er, there's still, er, one bag left upstairs.

But that's because it's open,

so I'm guessing that you hadn't finished packing it yet.

Thanks, Rob.

I've not been able to drive...

..sleep...

..think.

Natural stupidity at its best.

Hmm. You feel like you stepped into a fog?

Sorry.

I remember what happened.

I still see her face.

Patrick, you were cleared of all blame.

What happened was a terrible, tragic accident.

She had no chance, you know.

I couldn't stop the bus in time and it was January, the road was icy.

And all the witnesses said that

that's why she lost control of her bike.

You've been carrying this around for such a long time, this blame.

I can't help myself.

It's good that you've come to see me.

Um, I take it that the counselling you were offered, that didn't help?

I never went.

I couldn't face talking about it.

Well, you're talking about it now to me. That's a start.

I feel like...

..like...like two people died that day.

This is all that's left.

That's everything.

Nathan's packed the car, so you're all set.

That's it. You're both off to your new home.

Erm, Darcy's not very good with her words yet,

but she'd say thanks for everything.

She's very welcome.

Erm, have you got everything? I thought there were some muslins...

Oh, yeah, in the airing cupboard. Erm, I've, I've already packed them.

I've double checked.

-I'll triple check.

-Has she gone to cry?

Why do you think she's gone upstairs? How are you feeling?

Er, suddenly scared, but... I'm all right, I think.

Ooh, er, there's no need to tell Karen.

It's for emergencies and nothing else. Quick, quick, quick.

Put it away.

No, can't see anything. So, that's it.

I couldn't have done any of this without the pair of you both.

Oh...

This past year has been mental

and you've just shown me that I can do it. I really can.

-You take care.

-You'd better get going.

Oh, hang on.

-Rumbled.

-Rob!

Don't "Rob" me, you're just as bad.

Look at the pair of you both!

Honestly, you should try talking sometime.

-You keep it.

-Keep it.

Thank you.

Erm, don't come out. Goodbyes are boring.

How much did you give her?

Probably nowhere as much as you did.

You cheapskate.

All right?

No. But I will be. Hopefully.

Not sorry you came, then?

OK, Mr Wolf?

Erm, I can go a bit longer, if someone wants to go ahead of me?

I think I'm more useful here.

Ah, right. OK. That would be Mr Tallis.

OK, Mr Tallis. Want to come round?

You're welcome!

Some people...

We're going to get you sorted, me and Dr Haskey, all right?

I'm glad you made me do this.

Sometimes it takes an outsider to see what's really going on.

So, if you could, er, see your way to giving me something stronger,

I can get on with my job, you get on with yours, everyone wins.

-Do they?

-How do you mean?

Well, according to your records,

you had a prescription issued less than three hours ago.

What? That's not right.

Ah... Well, if you could confirm your address and date of birth

for me.

But you're going to be the only Oliver Tallis

we have on our records.

Your computer was down when I got here.

It must have caused a mix-up.

Hmm, software can't falsify records

and it certainly can't write prescriptions for painkillers.

It's still a mistake.

How long have you been addicted to codeine, Mr Tallis?

Excuse me?

Well, judging by the number of repeat

prescriptions in the last six months, I'd say that either you

have got a serious substance abuse problem or you're selling it on.

Do I look like some homeless, smelly junky to you?

Well, dependency doesn't discriminate.

I'm sure to the untrained eye you look perfectly normal.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, but my eye is very well trained.

I recognise a high-functioning addict when I see one.

The irritation, the paranoia, the twitching.

I'll have your job for this.

The meaningless threats. Come on, man, right on cue!

Tell you what, how about I call Dr Clay,

see if he'll confirm that it was you I saw coming out of his office this

afternoon, clutching a prescription in your shaky little hand.

Or, even better still, I could refer you to a clinic and get you the help...

Shove your clinic! Whatever you think, I don't need your help.

OK, Mr Wolf.

You take a seat and tell me what I can help you with.

Hey, what's the hurry?

I've got a ten-minute appointment and I intend to make full use of it.

As is your right.

Right. First up,

I made an evening appointment out of support for this new

whatchamacallit, er, initiative.

But I'm not impressed.

I think you might want to inform the powers that be that

I will be writing to them on the matter.

I'm sure they'll appreciate the constructive criticism.

Though, to be fair to yourself, I think

you've done well by my neighbour, Mr Boyton.

Obviously, I can't discuss another patient with you,

but how about you tell me what you've come to see me for?

Well, nothing so dramatic. Er, repeat prescription.

OK, and what for?

Paracetamol.

What?

I know my rights. You can't refuse.

Can I help?

You do realise that this packet of paracetamol would cost you

a whole 16p in a supermarket,

as opposed to the £2.50 it costs the NHS?

I'm a pensioner. I don't pay for prescriptions.

So 16p or £2.50, it makes no odds.

Right. It doesn't come out of your pocket.

Wrong, it's come out of there time and again in the past.

National insurance, PAYE, take your pick.

Mr Tallis! No, no, you're not listening...

-You can't come back here.

-Thank you.

-We haven't...

Now, about this letter.

No! Argh!

What the..?

-I can't help you, I'm afraid.

-There must be something.

Oi! What's going on?!

I tried explaining to him that we

don't keep strong drugs on the premises but he won't believe me.

OK, look, you don't have to hurt anyone.

Shut up! Just give me what I want.

I don't believe the lies she's telling me.

Um, yeah, you're right, um, we do keep some special stuff

here for emergencies, but, but only the doctors know about it.

-I knew it!

-Yeah, she doesn't know what she's talking about,

so how about you let her go and I'll get you some, yeah?

What do you take me for?!

It's really good stuff. Very strong, potent, and it lasts for days.

But, but I can't let you hurt Valerie.

SHE SHRIEKS

Ah, actually, I've got some here!

This is Hydrophenalbarbitol.

I have to carry it around in case of emergencies

and this is an emergency, isn't it, so would you like?

Stay still!

Valerie, sweetheart, call the police.

Blimey. Are you OK?

-OK? Did you not just see that?!

-Get off!

He's the man of the hour.

I hope you took note of that

and you're going to put it in your letter!

Er, Police. Mill Health Centre.

That was best the takedown I have ever seen!

Really, you should be wearing your underpants on the outside

of your trousers and have a cape that flaps in the breeze.

Get off! I'll have you!

Shut up!

All of that for peppermints?

-I really hope you think it was worth it.

-Mints?!

Yeah. The, er, extra strong variety.

We all have our habits, don't we?

Sam? What's going on?

Nothing's going on.

I take your time.

No! It's good that you call me.

I am here to help you.

That's a very big accusation.

It should be him sitting here, not me.

What exactly is going on between you and Sam?