The Inheritance Doctors

CLOCK TICKS

THREE LOUD KNOCKS

THREE LOUD KNOCKS

THREE MUFFLED KNOCKS

Stop it.

Stop it! Stop it!

-Well, I better get going. Busy night ahead.

-Uh-huh.

Yeah. I'm going to go and pay my respects to Katherine Bellwood.

I did a VPAS visit with her and her sister a while back.

Just want to check she's OK.

You know her sister died?

-Olivia?

-Mm.

-Oh, no!

I did a couple of house calls with her

but she would always brush off any help.

Thought her sister was overreacting.

Oh, she always laughed at my visits too - she used to fix me

-with a beady stare and say, "Do I look vulnerable?"

-Yeah!

She once offered to arm-wrestle me

-to prove she didn't need any help from some doctor.

-No!

Well, she certainly raged against the dying of the light.

-Who's this?

-Olivia Bellwood died.

Oh. I saw her a couple of times.

The only medication she swore by was a hot tumbler of whisky

every evening.

-Game old bird. What was she, 90?

-92.

Ask her when the funeral is.

-You know, there might be some people who want to go.

-Will do.

-Night all.

-Good night. Oh, who's got the evening shift?

That will be me. Unless you want to swap?

-Argh, sorry, no can do.

-Yeah, sure you can't.

No, no, I wish I could,

but there are plans afoot this evening that I have no control over.

See you next week, guys.

Yeah, bye, fellas.

-I think I need a drink.

-Oh, gin and tonic, please.

Pint of special and a gin and tonic, please.

So, Gavin thinks we need stronger bonding in the group?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, in theory, I'm OK with that,

but then he started talking about "hugging it out".

Yeah. "Tribal drums and campfires."

Mmm. What was all that about bearskins? I don't know.

No, I think he meant bare skin.

Did he? Thank you.

Well, if he's going to go down that road, then I'm out.

-Me too. Cheers.

-Yeah, cheers.

I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner to offer my condolences.

Oh, it's very kind of you to come at all.

Well, I've come on behalf of the whole surgery.

I'm sure this is a very difficult time.

It must be very quiet without her.

Just you in this big house.

Honestly?

Olivia hasn't left yet.

Oh?

Oh. I see. You mean you've got her lying in state?

-No.

-I didn't think people did that any more.

So, might I go and pay my respects?

No, I mean she never left.

Right.

Well, I'm sure, when someone's been part of your whole life...

They collected the body, but she's still very much in residence.

I know how it must sound, Miss Pitman,

but I've really not gone doolally.

I would never think that.

I have no doubt my sister is still here, and I know why.

-Could you do something for me?

-Yes, of course.

Along the corridor, there's a black box,

in the top drawer of the bureau.

-Would you get it?

-Yeah.

Top drawer of the bureau. Got it. Two ticks.

EERIE WHOOSH

Don't be silly.

Is this it?

Thank you.

Oh!

That is wonderful. It's really stunning.

It was made especially for my great-grandmother,

-over 100 years ago.

-So unusual.

Olivia wanted to be buried with it.

I took it with me to the funeral home,

with the clothes in which she was to be laid out.

And you couldn't go through with it? I don't blame you.

I talked to the undertaker about the arrangements,

and I suddenly realised how much it was all going to cost me -

the coffin, the flowers, oh, everything.

So...I kept it to sell.

I'm so sorry.

Only I can't.

I have to take it back.

I don't want to...

..but I must.

Oh, thanks so much for coming.

You're really good to do this for me.

AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello.

I'm Tara...

..O'Mara.

And this is my husband, Nathaniel.

-What are you doing?

-I'm role-playing.

I'm testing your abilities and boundaries, as a hostess.

ACCENTED: This place is so charming.

And it was so easy to get to, wasn't it, Nathaniel?

Comparatively speaking, yes.

Right.

Well, you've seen the place on the website,

so would you like a guided tour...

..Tara?

Perfect. Lead on.

This way.

Watch what you do with those bags, Nathaniel.

This place is so quaint!

Sorry, are you telling me that your sister won't rest...?

Unless she has the necklace.

Yes, I know how it sounds, but it's true.

Olivia was the oldest sister, you know that.

-The necklace should have gone to her.

-And it didn't?

She couldn't wear it.

-She was a Coral Killer.

-A what?

Something to do with her metabolism, apparently.

There was a matching bracelet.

Olivia wore it, the coral rotted.

So, it had a reaction to her, not the other way round.

I don't really understand it, but putting coral next to skin -

her body oils somehow...killed it.

It went black and shrivelled.

Miss Bellwood.

I think that losing your sister has been a shock,

and grief sometimes does strange things.

Perhaps some bereavement counselling might help?

Would you take the necklace for me?

I made an arrangement to see her at the funeral home this evening

one last time, but I can't face her.

-Tonight?

-Please.

You're sure you want to give it up?

Don't you see?

I have no choice.

You know, one of the things I have learned from this group

is about boundaries.

Because, in my work life, it's absolute. But in my private life...

Yeah, it's when they cross over, that it... You get into trouble, don't you?

It's a fine dividing line, trying to keep professional

when you're working with somebody you know.

-You see...

-Heston, you know what...

..happened between us down at the station

-with our pregnant, illegal, immigrant lady?

-Mm-hmm.

Can we pretend that didn't happen? I wouldn't want it to spoil this.

Absolutely.

I wish it was that straightforward with Ruhma.

-Ah, still tricky, eh?

-Uh-huh.

Well, it must have affected her deeply.

She'll need more time.

-How are you coping these days?

-Better.

Flashbacks are getting further and further apart.

The disturbed nights, less and less.

-So, the antidepressants must be kicking in.

-That's good.

And that's thanks to you, in no small part.

-Just nipping to the gents.

-Are we having another?

I'll get some on the, er, way back.

Do help yourself to anything you find in the fridge.

I always think it's nice to have a little nibble.

Hmm, lovely. So, have you lived here long?

-EXAGGERATED ACCENT:

-Oh, strike me pink! I've lived in this house

long enough to put my stamp on every room.

I think you'll find that my antimacassars are the talk of the street.

Really, how fascinating.

Now, there were one or two things that

I forgot to mention via e-mail - a hairdryer...

-Oh, in yer room, dearie.

-And, also, Nathaniel

has a slight skin condition. Haven't you, Nathaniel?

So, have the sheets been washed with hypoallergenic detergent?

I don't know to what you are referring.

You'll find all my laundry is a la mode and no mistaking.

Excellent.

We won't have to apply your ointment after all, darling.

You all right?

Was that pantomime downstairs really necessary?

We are the dress rehearsal.

You could've warned me.

And we've paid out a small fortune for an overnight baby-sitter.

For what? To sit in Emma's spare bedroom?

Well, look at the trouble she's gone to.

Look at these touches - fresh flowers, some fizz.

Yeah, expensive. Angling for her first five stars on her website.

Doesn't make up for the golf that's on at home.

The golf is always on at home.

And don't think for a moment that I didn't see that you set

the timer to record it.

What if it overruns, goes to a play-off?

Anyway, where you been? I was about to send out a small search party.

The bathroom.

-You've been ages.

-It won't flush.

-What?

-It. Won't. Flush. And it really, really needs to.

-Oh!

Oh, well, that's really helpful, thank you so much.

I'll deal with it myself.

Heston, what you doing? You've been ages.

This young man's not very well. He's got quite a temperature.

Are you here with anyone, son?

-Do you know where you are?

-Hello, eggs.

Eggs? What's eggs?

-A tenner says he's on viper.

-Viper? What's viper?

You've never heard of viper? Lucky you.

You're an egg.

Here we go.

CREAKING

CREAKING

You got what you wanted!

Don't you always?

EERIE WHOOSH

Come to fetch me?

I suppose you think I'm a coward, sending that poor girl.

I thought you might treat her with some kindness.

KNOCKING

It wasn't my fault!

CLOCK CHIMES

Stop it, Olivia! Just go!

BROKEN TOILET HALF-FLUSHES

Oh, stupid thing!

-Is everything all right in there?

-Come on!

Is there, erm, anything I can do?

No. No, thank you.

YOUTH GROANS

-Oh, thanks.

-How is he?

-Well, you'll be pleased to hear I am no longer an egg.

-Right.

I am now Humpty Dumpty.

Dilated pupils, bloodshot eyes. I'm not too happy about his pulse.

-Ah-ah-ah-ah!

-I think we need an ambulance.

The paramedics will not thank you for that.

-He's only getting worse.

-Hmm.

You could throw a stone into any A&E on a Saturday night

and hit someone like him. Yes, ambulance, please.

Argh!

It is unusual for someone outside the family to be allowed a visit.

Oh, yeah, no, I understand.

And, believe me, I would not be doing it

if it wasn't important, especially after hours.

But I am a sort of an emissary, so... Oh.

Miss Bellwood?

I was brought to realise I had to do this myself.

Brought to?

It's the way it has to be done, if I'm to be left in peace.

As I was saying, she won't leave me alone.

Really. And why is that?

Not me...

..her sister.

The one you've got...

..in residence.

Actually, you haven't heard any noises, have you?

-Noises?

-From "beyond".

-Quiet as the proverbial.

If they make a noise, we release them from custody,

usually for lack of evidence.

Of being deceased, that is.

She can't be in two places at once -

if she was taunting me, she couldn't be here.

If you would like to give me the necklace.

No. I must do this myself.

Do you want me to come with you?

Thank you.

Your sister is in the chapel room, Miss Bellwood.

However, her casket has been sealed.

-I'd be reluctant to open it in your presence.

-Why's that?

Not because she's restless, I can assure you.

You asked me to do what I could about keeping down the costs, so...

..your sister has had no preparation...

..for her final journey.

What, nothing?

-It might be distressing for you.

-I still have to do it.

Of course.

Maybe the flush is too weak.

I know.

-Hold that.

-What are you doing?

I'm adjusting the ballcock. More water means heavier flush.

-Are you sure you know what you're talking about?

-Of course.

SPLASHING

That shouldn't have happened.

Right.

WATER GURGLES

-Ah!

-Oh.

-Can't you stop it? Stop it, Daniel!

-I don't know how!

-Oh, this is useless.

-Where are you going?

-I'm going to get Emma, what do you think?

Wh... Du... Argh!

There's no hurry.

Stay as long as you need.

Thank you, Mr Canham.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather be alone?

I haven't been alone for over 70 years.

Have I, Olivia?

Well, here I am, just as you wanted, as ever.

I'm sorry I didn't carry out your wishes to the last letter.

But we both know there's always been more to it than that, don't we?

HISSING AND GROANING

Got it.

Oh, at last! Oh, my hand is freezing.

It was really tight - it must have been stuck for ages.

Right, the emergency plumber can't get here - there's been an epidemic

of burst pipes in Sutton Coldfield, apparently.

-Well, at least we've got the water off here at last.

-Thanks.

So, er, well, my, erm,

en suite is at your disposal for the rest of the night.

Thanks, Emma, and I am really sorry.

I'll make sure that Daniel keeps his use to an acceptable minimum.

MUFFLED OBJECTION

Here we are then, Olivia.

Our last, proper parting.

Unless you decide otherwise.

Because it was always about getting your way, wasn't it?

It was never enough you had everything as the oldest sister.

Never enough you were the prettiest one.

Our parents' favourite.

The one all the cats preferred.

Oh, cats are just like that, though.

You can't take that personally.

All the boys courted you, too.

Even though you took more pleasure

in refusing their advances than accepting them.

And still you were never happy.

And you always resented what little I had in comparison,

and wanted that for yourself, too.

And just took it from me.

Except the necklace.

Hers by right...

..and her needs and wishes always had to come first.

-I'm so sorry.

-Well...

She was the one who died first, so she had her way right to the end.

And you can finally have this,

for all the good it will do you.

Goodbye...

..Coral Killer.

SOFT TAPPING

Did you hear that?

So, we gave the bathroom a, erm, thorough work out.

-How about in here?

-No.

-Oh, oh.

-I said no. Emma might hear.

-Since when has that bothered you?

-We just can't, all right?

I'm going to ring Joe to wish him a good night.

-Hmm. What's good about it?

-Oh, grow up!

LOUD CRASH

What the...?

Oh.

-Do you reckon she'll notice?

-Yes!

-Yes, OK...

Is everything...?

Ah.

Well, I see that the fixtures and fittings are clearly not

up to the exertion standards of Granger and Carmichael then.

I mean, that's not what... We weren't...

-It wasn't us, it was Nathaniel...and Tara.

-Really?

Not helping.

Well, in the space of an hour "they" have broken the loo and now the bed.

Not bad going.

I'm sure it won't be anything like this when you have the real people.

Think of it as...as them idiot-proofing the scheme.

There you go, just what we need.

You know, when I came here to do the assessment,

I didn't notice anything, well, odd between you and Olivia.

No tension.

You wouldn't, no.

All the doctors spoke very highly of her.

For Olivia, appearances were everything.

She couldn't stand the thought of people judging her

the way she judged them.

-So, she put up a front in public?

-Absolutely.

You know, for all she coveted the necklace,

-I... I'm convinced she was afraid of it too.

-Why?

Because she thought it revealed something in her

she kept hidden - it might show what she was like inside.

Something...sour in her, seeping through the skin.

It's quite horrible when you think about it, isn't it?

Well, I hope she's finally at peace.

I doubt it.

Heaven won't want her and Hell will be afraid she'll take over.

As long as she doesn't stay here!

But you will be all right without her, won't you?

I'll have to be.

You can start living your life.

KNOCKING

It can't be.

You got what you wanted. Just leave!

KNOCKING

Um, wait here.

Oh, thanks, Rob.

-No, thank you, Heston. It's your round.

-Yeah, of course.

Well, the erm, paramedics were as unimpressed as you said they'd be.

Yep.

You know, there's so many people taking viper now.

I seems like I go out and deal with it and then go out

and deal with it again.

It's like being on a hamster wheel, it seems pretty pointless.

I mean, did you even get a name out of him in the end?

Smidge? Or maybe that was the amount?

Yeah, I mean, why would you do that to yourself?

Although, I think some of them

don't know what they're getting themselves into.

Sometimes viper can be 60 times stronger than cannabis.

-Every batch is different.

-It's like a lottery.

-Seeking oblivion.

-Hmm.

Heartless as it sounds, Heston, we have to accept it.

Because if they're going to take it, they're going to take it.

False alarm.

Oh, Mr Canham!

Is something wrong? Is it my sister?

Still tucked in and cosy, Miss Bellwood.

Your necklace - I don't know what happened, but it was in pieces

when I returned to the chapel room.

Oh, well, it was quite old.

That could have happened at any time.

But why have you brought it back? It was meant to go in the coffin.

Damage aside, it's such a beautiful piece.

Grief can sometimes have people make decisions they come to regret.

It'll only end up being sold to pay you, not to mention

the added cost of having it repaired.

Well, I've had a look at the figures,

and I could make a couple more trims to your fee.

Oh, it really is so lovely.

I couldn't keep it though, could I?

Well, it's your choice. No-one else's.

I've never even worn it.

I couldn't while she was alive.

Could I?!

I managed to stay out of that fight!

I could wear it every day now.

But would I ever be free of her?

-Urgh, swap books.

-Why?

I've worked out who the murderer is.

Oh. Tara O'Mara, in the bathroom, with...

Don't you dare. You are so inappropriate.

It's nothing to do with us - it's the O'Maras she invited.

We're going to be stuck in this room forever.

There's no way we can go down and face her now.

STARTLED YELL

Well, I suppose I could always have it re-fashioned,

Turn it into more than one piece of jewellery.

Some earrings, a brooch.

Well, if you have any doubts you could always go back

to your original intention.

There's still a week until the funeral.

Or I could just have it repaired and sell it.

I could go on holiday, get away for a bit.

Well, that sounds like a great idea.

And remember, it's your decision - you don't need anybody else's

approval, or permission.

You have been a true support this evening, Valerie.

Oh, you're welcome.

Do you think I could just have one last look before you decide?

It is so lovely.

Oh, no!

What's happened?

Oh.

Oh, you win, Olivia.

You get the last laugh, as always.

If you can't have it, nobody can.

Oh, Katherine.

Why did I ever think she'd let me be happy?

Oh...

Unless...

-Oh, no, that's ridiculous.

-What?

Unless...

..another Coral Killer touched it?

Ow!

I was trying to get the stone out.

Classic "avocado hand" injury.

This whole evening has been an utter disaster.

You haven't quite got your ducks in a row yet.

Think we could all use some of this.

-Oh, yes!

-Glasses?

Let's have some "Death in the Afternoon".

-What on earth is that?

-Champagne and Pernod.

It's lethal - two glasses and you can't feel your legs.

Three and you can't feel anyone else's.

Any Pernod?

Above the toaster, at the end. Or there's vodka?

Wait a minute. You're not trying to bribe us, by any chance?

Of course I am! After everything you've both put me through,

I deserve a five-star review.

Oh, what am I getting myself into?

What about Will and Erin?

-You want me to spy on them?

-No.

In my experience, when a new person joins the team,

it's good to take some bonding "we time" together.

This is not happening.

He's been harassing us for months. Me and my girlfriend.

He's twisting things.

My instincts tell me, Jimmi knows how to make a woman very happy.

Do they?