Vigilante Doctors

PHONE VIBRATES

Morning.

Ohhh. My phone was on vibrate. I'm supposed to be at work already.

-It's half eight.

-Exactly! I was going in early.

-Why?

-Because I'm leaving at lunchtime.

Oh, yeah? You taking me somewhere nice?

Where's my shoe?

I'll make you breakfast, I've got bacon and eggs...

-No time.

-All right, well, coffee then.

Yeah right. By the time you get up, it'll be tea time.

I'm up.

I'm sorry.

No, I mean, when you've gotta go...

That was a great night. Thank you.

Oh, that's great. Thanks, yeah, bye.

-Right, I have sorted out some cover.

-Why's that?

Have you eaten yet?

I don't need looking after.

I just want to spend some time with my husband.

Why don't you go and put your feet up and I'll do some breakfast.

I'm going out in a little while.

-What?

-To the CCG. Maybe see somebody at the university.

-Why?

-Well, you know why.

-The flippin' Viper business?

Well, after what happened yesterday...

-FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-Why are you still her, Alia?

-I'm not. See ya!

-Bye.

Look, it was terrible what happened to that woman.

-And something needs to be done.

-Yeah, you're right.

But why does it have to be you?

But why does it have to be you and Besa?

You are not well. And what about what happened to Emma?

Well, she's out of the woods, but it was pretty awful for her.

Which is why you need to stop, Heston.

All the more reason not to.

Fine, you know what? Just carry on. Put yourself at risk.

Ruhma, it's the CCG, not a Mexican drug cartel.

Oh, Russell, hi.

It's Heston, wondering if I could pop by later?

There's something I'd like to run past you.

Yeah.

-I'll never get it right.

-What's that?

This whole romantic thing.

I was going to make breakfast for Ben, but he had to rush off.

-What would you do?

-Weekend in Paris.

-Yeah, right!

-Flowers, then? Chocolates?

-Mmm.

-Can you lend us 20 quid?

-HE CHUCKLES

Going well then, is it?

Well, he's getting off early, apparently.

So, I was going to nip round to his and surprise him.

-You been there before?

-No.

I've got his address, so I was just going to follow me phone.

It is a shame to go empty-handed though.

-There's a tenner. Improvise!

-Ta.

-I saw Erin last night.

-Oh, yeah?

Hm. Yeah, she's still pretty upset about you knocking her back.

-Seriously?

-Yeah, until that body-builder bloke turned up.

I mean, she was just all over him.

I'm joking.

So what's the state of play?

On what precisely?

The Viper epidemic.

-You are aware there is one?

-Yes.

And it's an area we are currently looking into.

How long is that going to take?

Where do you think we should start, Dr Carter?

Well, we should put out information how dangerous the stuff is.

I agree.

And we are considering having some leaflets drawn up for the surgeries.

You think that's a little bit after-the-horse-has-bolted?

The homeless are the ones mainly affected.

We should be leafleting them.

The homeless? How do we go about that?

I'm sure I could find some volunteers.

And what would these leaflets be saying?

Urging caution.

Advice on safer doses.

But surely that would be promoting drug use?

Amber, people are dying...

as well you know.

Even so, we're not about to start encouraging people to break the law.

Even when the law is an ass?

And assuming that were the case,

what do you propose the CCG might do about it?

Lobby central government.

For what?

Legalisation?

Possibly - or for milder strains of cannabis.

Well, we can't just carry on regardless.

Whether you like it or not, something needs to change.

Yes, well, I think we might have to

get back to you on this one, Doctor Carter.

Oh, my supplies order, it's not arrived yet.

-I'll keep an eye out.

-Thank you.

-How's it going?

-Have you seen the state of this place?

-Don't look at me.

Am I the only one who ever clears up round here?

-So you finishing early then?

-That's the plan.

Just leave it to Muggins here.

The flippin' Cleaning Fairy!

-No milk again.

-It's there.

It's no wonder it's like cream cheese

if you leave it out.

OK. right, that's it!

I'm bringing a flask next time.

Do you think there's a problem?

Ben, I wouldn't know where to start, mate.

Where's Heston?

He's solving the world's problems, like Columbo.

-Like what?

-It's a drug thing.

-What?

-There's this drug called Viper.

-Oh, right, yeah.

-Have you heard of it?

-Course.

There's a bloke selling it in the park.

-What? By the school?

-Either there or in the precinct.

What are you doing? Mum!

Hello. Hi, I'm sorry, this is Alia's mum.

Can I speak to the Head... Mrs Marchant, please?

-What are you ringing her for?

-Yeah, it is very urgent.

That's fine, I will hold.

It's crudely made, but doesn't look like the usual.

-What's the usual?

-Mainly Chinese.

-Why doesn't it look Chinese?

-Because it's not cut with tobacco.

So what is it?

Althaea officinalis.

Marshmallow leaves.

Which makes it much cheaper, of course

and easy to get hold of.

Where do you get hold of those?

Health food shops, funnily enough,

and there's plenty of those around here.

-So it could be locally produced?

-Quite possibly.

Can you tell what else is in it?

Not sure yet.

It's just...you said there were a few problems.

One of those problems being that this is my lunch hour.

Five minutes, that's all.

Karen's already given me quite a list.

-Look, if this is about the washing up...

-I'm here to listen.

You're here to listen.

Well, there is one thing, Ben.

-Go on.

-No, I'm not sure.

-Please.

-It's kind of...delicate.

It won't leave this room.

-Can I have your word on that?

-Absolutely.

OK, it involves a colleague.

Female colleague.

I'm saying colleague, but who am I trying to fool.

She's my boss, she's one of the partners.

-Zara.

-I've said too much already.

-Al, please.

You're right. I've got to be braver, I know.

I need to share this with someone.

Zara has always shown me a lot of attention.

She was interested in me, like she picked me out of a crowd,

but recently it's gone too far.

-Are you saying...she bullies you?

-No, no.

Ben, it's sexual.

She wants me, sexually.

She wants to show me the time of my life.

I know, it sounds nutty.

-All of this is coming from Zara?

-Yeah.

It started out as just a few little jokes, she calls it banter.

Her innuendos. It just makes me feel so...

-Awkward?

-Dirty.

I don't know if it's my fault.

We all want to please our bosses, don't we?

I smile at you in the morning, but you're not asking me

to hold your hand under the table at a meeting.

You're not telling me exactly what to wear, I don't get it.

Is brown a turn-on...with a checked shirt?

Or is it my glasses?

Ben, do you think it's my hair? Is that what's doing it?

-You're winding me up, aren't you?

-Yeah, I'm winding you up.

Well, thanks very much for that.

No, in a way, Ben, thank you very much.

Oh, it feels so good to get that off my chest.

I feel all cleansed and a little bit turned on.

Zara?

BEN SIGHS

-Sorry. No can do.

-Why not?

There's just too many variants.

So there's no way of predicting the side effects?

Well, different strains affect

different receptors in different parts of the brain.

Especially with the synthetic stuff.

PHONE RINGS How come?

It just binds more effectively,

intensifies and prolongs the effect.

-'Alia has seen them selling it.'

-I'm sorry?

-In the park.

-What do they look like?

It's a bloke, he's about your height, he's got hair in a bun.

-Dark hair, I think she said...

-Which park?

-By the school. So I've rung them.

-What?

-I spoke to them.

-I wish you hadn't done that.

-Why?

-It'll scare them off.

-That's good!

I don't want you getting dragged into this any further, Heston,

-let alone Alia.

-No, of course not.

-I mean this, Heston.

-Well, where is she now?

She's just gone back to school.

OK, well, when you see her, tell her it's been dealt with.

-Now, can you please just come home?

-OK, sorry, I've got to go.

-Heston? Hes...

-SHE SIGHS

HARMONICA PLAYS

Very nice. Actually, I wonder if you could help me.

I'm looking for somebody, he's about my height, bit scruffy,

hair in a bun. What's his name...

Er... Rick?

Oh sorry, yes, of course.

He hangs around with somebody called Soph?

Sorry, mate.

-I thought you were on a half day.

-That was the plan.

-So...?

-I've been on the phone for the last two hours.

-What about?

Stationery, mainly. You don't want to know.

Yeah you're right, I don't really want to know.

Listen, when you get a moment,

the PPG meeting at the end of the month,

we need a few more volunteers this time

-and not just the old biddies.

-Got it.

-So how you getting on?

Yeah, the team-building went well.

And how are things going out of work?

-Will, you mean?

-Ah-ha.

-Yeah, brilliant, yeah.

I probably should give him a bell later

if I ever get out of here.

Yeah, you better get your skates on.

Uff.

Oi, mate!

PHONE CAMERA CLICKS

-Bye.

-And?

-And what?

My supplies order?

-I'll chase it first thing tomorrow.

-Same old story.

-I'm sorry?

-Forget it, don't worry about it.

-It's a nursing thing.

-What is?

Being at the back of the queue.

You know both my parents are nurses?

-Is that right?

-Uh-huh.

So they've got used to it, have they? Being second-class citizens?

What's the order number?

PHONE BEEPS

Alia, is that who I think it is?

In the shopping precinct.

Did he see you take it?

That's a really stupid thing to do.

Don't ever do that again, OK? Where are you now?

Well, go straight home.

And, Alia, don't tell your mum about this. Bye.

Anyone home?

Are you decent?

I hope not!

Come out, come out wherever you are.

It's your lucky day!

Er...

-This is number 15, right?

-Yes.

-Well, who are you?

-Who are you?!

Nice tie, mate.

-We had such a good laugh there.

-I know, I was there last weekend.

-Did you dress up?!

-I know, some of the outfits!

-We should go.

-Definitely.

-Ah, we could get a crew together.

Valerie and Karen would love it.

Yeah. I do have to be careful though.

-Careful?

-In Brum. I'm...not exactly out.

-You know, with my family.

-Really?

Yeah, my family are pretty traditional.

Conservative, small 'c'. Church, a lot of charity stuff.

-Yeah, but they must have cottoned on by now.

-Wouldn't even occur to them.

-No way.

-Well, can't you just sort of drop hints?

Maybe once I've moved out.

Ben, they are going to know one day.

-One day.

-BLEEPING

I know, I know. I'm such a coward!

Tomorrow nine till ten. Your order.

-Where have you been?

-I texted you. I was at the library.

Well, the library's shut. I rang the school.

-Yeah, it is now.

-No, and it was then!

Well?

-ALIA SIGHS

-I was just helping Heston, OK?

Doing what?

Find that bloke.

-Did he ask you to do this?

-Course not.

-So where is he now?

I don't know. Probably down the precinct.

What is he thinking? Alia, he's not well.

-I was only trying to help.

-I want you to go to your room now.

-Mum!

-Just do it!

-Fine.

Hello, can I have the police, please?

That's what I told her. You can't just let anyone in.

She nearly bought one in the end, just to get rid of him.

They were £200!

Oh, hello, love!

-For you.

-Huh?

-It's a present!

Honestly, what's he like?

-He's probably tired. Are you, love?

-I got you some fizz as well,

but your mum made me open it.

I did no such thing.

Well, go on, then, open it!

We're trying to have a party here.

How much? Yeah, well, I'll have to see.

I haven't got that on me, have I?

An hour, OK? Yeah, yeah, laters.

-What do you think you're doing?

-What you doing?

What do you think you're doing?

-What are you doing, selling that muck?!

-Who are you?

-Why are you selling that muck?

-Who are you, the cops?

Never mind who I am! What are you doing?

Ta-da!

That's...very thoughtful.

I'll get you a glass.

We didn't want you being late again. Did we, Mum?

I didn't know you were still living with your parents.

It's not exactly something you brag about, is it?

-I don't know why not, she's lovely.

-What have you said to her?

I've got some akara here if you'd like some?

-Or some dips?

-We're fine thanks, Mum.

-I wasn't talking to you!

-No, I'm OK, ta.

-It's no trouble.

-Well?

-What are you going on about?

What have you said about us?

If you'd said that your friend was coming,

I could've got something in.

I didn't know.

Yeah, well, that's me all over. Full of surprises.

Aren't you just?!

I'm surprised that you've never mentioned Will before.

Is that right?

It just...never occurred to me.

Oh, yeah? Well, that's nice, isn't it?

That's Ben all over.

The strong and silent type?

It's like getting blood out of a stone sometimes.

And there's me telling everyone about him.

You would though, wouldn't you? State of him.

-Maybe we should go up to my room.

-Easy, tiger!

-Come on.

-Well, all right, if your mum doesn't mind...

-Ben, are you all right?

-I'm fine, Mum.

-Something's wrong.

-I said, I'm fine.

-I don't know what you're on about.

-Where do you get it from?

-What?!

-Is it Rick? Was it Rick in that car?

-What car?

-Where does he live?

-I don't know!

-You either tell me or you tell the police.

-I don't know.

-Where does he live?

-Greenbank somewhere.

-Where in Greenbank?!

-Denby Drive.

-What number?

-I don't know, do I?!

Don't even think about it! Stay away.

-Ahh!

-Stop it!

Well, go on.

I'm waiting.

Maybe I should...leave you both to it.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

No, I'd rather you stayed, if you don't mind.

Till I find out what this is all about.

-Ben....

-I should've told you this before.

Will you please look at me, when you're talking to me?

I should've told you this before, Mum.

Told me what?

About Will.

What about him?

He's my...

boyfriend.

I'm sorry?

He's my boyfriend, Mum. I'm gay.

No. That can't be true.

It is, Mrs Galadima.

I want to hear this from my son.

I didn't tell you before,

because I didn't want to hurt you.

But you can't be.

Mum, I'm telling you I'm gay.

You must've had some idea.

Why do you think I've never brought any girlfriends back?

Mum, I'm 25 years old.

-I'm sorry.

-No, don't apologise.

-Look, just stay out of it.

Mum...

Look, I just want you to go.

-Ben, come on...

-Please.

-It was very nice meeting you.

-Just go.

Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

-Yeah, thanks a lot!

-See you down the nick.

There's a good chance it's being made locally.

It's not the usual strain, it's not the Chinese one.

They're not using tobacco, they're using marshmallow leaves instead...

What do you think you were doing?

What I was asking you to do, I suppose.

-Get in the car.

-Well, I'm glad you're finally...

Heston! Get in the car.

You don't know what he's like or what he can do to you.

I think you're naive.

What really hurts is that you didn't tell me.

What you're doing now is out of order.

-Actually, it's weird.

-Look, I'm sorry.

Most of our stock's been purchased by the same bloke.

Oh, is he another doctor?

You saying I don't know how to look after Daisy properly?

I don't believe this.