You Robot Doctors

See now that I, even I, am he.

There is no god with me.

I kill, and I make alive.

I wound, and I heal.

There is no-one who can deliver out of my hand...

And, now, for this morning's Collect.

Keep going, Circumference. That's it. Good lad.

Keep going. Do as many as you can, on this round.

All is Efficiency.

My saying, exactly.

Keep going.

One more will do. One more.

Good lad.

There you go... Not hard, is it?

Thank you.

And squeeze it. Go on, give it some.

Yeah, that seems a bit stronger.

Letting you off easy.

The crunch of bone would be a bit harsh, this early in the morning.

What did the occupational therapist say?

She said I had more grip.

-But...

-But it doesn't feel the same?

Lacunar strokes, they leave a small hole in the brain, don't they?

Well, actually, a lacunar stroke is caused

by an occlusion of a smaller branch of a larger blood vessel,

if you want to be technically technical.

Feels like a brain hole.

I've never had to think before using my hand before.

Rehabilitation can be frustrating.

And it's only the first stroke.

Hopefully, it will be a very, very long time...

There will be more, though.

Mum had them. The CADASIL means more and more strokes, until...

You're getting all the appropriate treatment.

But it won't cure me.

No.

No, it's not going to cure you.

Sugar-coating's not for you, is it?

Well, I find that I'm sweet enough.

I've started to get more migraines.

We should keep an eye on your blood pressure.

Sorry.

It's OK to be angry.

I'm not even 40 and I've got dementia.

The diagnosis is harsh.

But it's not the worst thing.

The worst thing is feeling like such a...hypocrite.

Oh, thank you. I was busting. How did it go?

-No problem.

-Brrr!

-Hope I haven't creased your cardigan.

No, this? The office cardigan.

-The what?

-Me and Valerie wear it when it's chilly.

You cold now?

Well, with the door opening and closing...

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

-I'll turn the heating up.

-No, it's not that bad.

-No, we've got patients. Won't be a tick.

-OK.

Hiya.

LAUGHTER

GLASS SHATTERS

So, basically, I don't believe any more.

In God.

I guess that must raise some professional issues.

I give the sacrament and offer an eternal life

I no longer believe exists.

"For the living know that they will die,

"but the dead don't know anything,

"neither do they have any more a reward,

"for the memory of them is forgotten."

You know your stuff.

After the diagnosis, I sought help from God.

I prayed.

I asked Him why. What should I do?

But there was no answer?

No.

There had been an answer before?

I thought there had been.

I saw what happened, to mum, the CADASIL, the dementia,

how she slipped further and further away.

My mother, she's going through something similar.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what I can say, about your faith issue,

without getting myself into some trouble.

If this was politics, I would hand you a pamphlet for my party.

The Atheist Party, we've got a great slogan.

It goes, "We'll give you something to believe in."

Which is not believing in anything?

Well, science, rationalism, living for the now.

Even if the now is particularly harsh.

I think you've practised this reassuring by not reassuring thing.

My reassurance, is that you're going to get the treatment you need.

And if your God isn't around to listen,

I damn well will be.

Just get to the point, Heston.

19 Denby Drive.

I have been observing comings and goings all morning.

That doesn't mean anything.

There are comings and goings,

because Viper is being manufactured in that house!

What, and you know that for sure?

What are you going to do about it?

I'll...

I'll send someone to drive past and take a look.

And what will that achieve?

I've told you, to achieve anything more than that,

-we need greater resources.

-Don't throw budgets at me!

Yeah, it upsets me as well,

but what you're failing to understand is,

to put together an investigation that will stand up in court

that won't get thrown out, it needs more time,

-more bodies and more money.

-This is ludicrous!

Stop trying to do my job, will you?

Well, you don't seem to be doing it!

Heston, please, go home.

All breakages must be paid for.

I'll make sure this gets to the relevant departments.

What you standing round for, there's loads more work to be done.

Go on, lad, chop, chop!

Hi, Ruhma, it's me...

I've just heard from Charles, and he'd like to get together,

for a few drinks.

I think he's got some personal issues so I may not be picking up

for a couple of hours.

But I'll phone you later. All right? Bye.

-Is everything OK?

-Actually, it's a little bit hot now.

-Really?

-Did you turn the thermostat up?

-Yeah, just a couple of notches.

-See, it's very temperamental.

Just tweak it that little bit too much

and the temperature goes from Letherbridge to Lanzarote.

What's wrong with the heating? It's like brass monkey's in mine.

-Ben had a go at the thermostat.

-Oh, really?

-Reception was a little cold.

-Yeah, you've got to be careful,

-when you're tweaking...

-Karen was saying.

-Mr Rix?

Try and get it sorted,

otherwise I'm going to be colder than Captain Oates.

Captain Oates?

He, er, froze to death.

Oh, well, he could have sat round, in his vest, in here.

-So, whenever you can...

-PHONE RINGS

Yeah, I'll...

Hi. Yeah, I'm still on for lunch.

Watch it, Circumference, those are expensive!

Are you all right?

He's fine. He doesn't feel pain, do you, Circumference?

My name is Radius.

I am a robot.

This is Alquist.

He needs to see a doctor.

He's fine. PHONE RINGS

Ah, how are you?

You should see a doctor.

I do not need one, I am a robot.

I order you to see a doctor, Radius.

As you command.

All right, good man. See you then.

Bye-bye. Bye.

-Did you see the look on his face?

-Yeah, such a prat!

Hey, look at this.

Someone's been here.

Or are still here.

Come on, let's take a look.

Rick?

A cut and some surface bruising, but I don't think anything's broken.

My components are durable.

That's one way of putting it.

He says that he's... Actually believes he is a robot.

Don't you, Radius?

Radius? Radius the Robot?

Wait a moment...

Ah-ha! Yeah.

-What?

-Rossum's Universal Robots?

Rossumovi Univerzalni Roboti.

It was one of the world's first science-fiction TV shows,

written by a Czech writer, Karel Capek.

Is that where you're from? Are you Czech?

I am from the factory. I am a robot.

The play is really famous because it introduced the world

-to the word robot.

-I am Radius.

I come from the factory, Rossumovi Univerzalni Roboti

Alquist saved me.

-Must be long gone.

-Yeah.

We'll need something, to board up that window.

Oi!

-Who are you?

-Em, I...

-What are you doing here?

-I...just...

-What are you looking for?

I'm not, looking for anything...

How nice of you to make a house call? What's up, Doc?

-You know him?

-Yeah.

Don't worry, no-one will take him seriously.

Least we'll make sure they don't.

So, he actually thinks he's the robot, from the play?

Yeah, goes by the name of Radius.

Hey, what do you think you're playing at?

Alquist!

-You can't just go off with him, you know!

-He was injured.

It was only a scratch, man.

It was a cut that needed a dressing on it.

-And who are you?

-He's a doctor.

And what kind of name is Alquist?

You know, in the play Alquist rebuilds the robots.

What does Alquist do in real life?

-What do you mean?

-Who is he?

He's my assistant and we've got work to do.

-Come on, Circumference.

-You don't have an assistant.

Do you not believe the evidence, in front of your eyes?

No, we believe the university staff directory.

He's with us on a casual basis.

-Well, we can check that.

-Who you calling?

HR, they can qualify his status...

-He's not really with us officially.

-Oh, not officially.

No, I sub-contract him.

You mean, he does your job for you?

He's my assistant, he assists me.

With what exactly?

How did you come to be here, Radius?

-I found him.

-Where?

He was sleeping rough outside the main gates.

I was working on the masonry and he give me a helping hand.

He was strong and I give him somewhere to stay...

So, he could keep helping you?

Do you pay him?

A bit.

And where does he sleep?

In the...workshop.

In the workshop?

What's better, sleeping there, in the dry, or outside on the street?

Him identifying himself as a robot,

you didn't think to question that?

Or ask him where he came from?

Maybe I'm not as nosey as all you lot.

It's called being concerned.

Right, we're going to find out exactly who he is.

And you, sir, you're going to help us with our enquiries.

OK, turning up at The Mill the other day,

maybe that wasn't so smart, and what I said...

No, the things I said at the house too.

-Well, you chucked me out...twice.

-Yeah. I'm sorry.

So that's two chucking outs to one accidental outing.

Which one of us is winning?

Honestly, I had no idea your mum didn't know,

-if I did I wouldn't have...

-It's done. My parents know.

And how are they with it?

They're fine.

Your mum didn't look like she was all that fine.

She's...come around.

My dad was... He'd already guessed.

He was way more chilled, than I thought.

And...how are we?

How do you mean?

I mean, what does all this mean for us?

-I hope we're OK. I mean, if you're...?

-I'm OK.

How about we go for dinner on the weekend?

-What do you think?

-Yeah, sounds great.

-We could make a night of it.

-Like, what?

Well, I was thinking, cocktails at Martha's Bar,

dinner and then on to The Wriggle Room?

-Sounds like a schedule.

-Sounds like a good time!

It's also, something to look forward to.

I've got the hearing with that surgeon, earlier, in Liverpool.

-Do you have to go?

-Yeah. I'm giving evidence.

I'm pretty nervous, to be honest.

It's understandable.

A formal hearing can be pretty daunting.

I'm just worried about what it might mean for me.

You know, you hear what happens to whistle-blowers...

It's about misconduct, patient welfare.

It's the right thing to do, and I'm proud you're doing it.

OK, mate, you need to tell them, where you're from.

From the factory. You re-made me.

No, I didn't, I found you.

You were living on the streets. You told me your name was Radius.

Radius, yes.

-You see, Doctor Chatsky, here...

-Haskey!

..he thinks that you're from the Czech Republic

and that you're named out of something from a book.

Play.

A play, a book, a film, it's not a flippin' quiz!

R-U-R, Rossum's Universal Robots by Karel Capek.

He was Czech.

Radius, are you Czech?

-Right, enough of this.

-What you doing?

I'm contacting the makers of Britain's Laziest Worker.

We're going to make you a star.

Has anyone ever told you, you can be quite rude?

-No, it's just you.

-What are you doing?

Look, take a photograph, download some facial recognition software.

Basically... I know what it does!

Oh, aren't we clever?!

We connect it up to the computer, do a search, and...

I'm surprised your mum hadn't already twigged.

Her adorable boy never bringing any girls home.

Suppose it never crossed her mind.

Ah, yes, the hetero assumption.

You know, that even happened to me.

Jimmi not surprised?

The only thing that would shock him

is if I asked if he was closet English.

So...your new life.

Yep. Pretty much, the same.

-Except that now you're out.

-Well, that's a part of my life.

Part of your life?

It's not like, deciding what you want for dinner,

or what car you choose to drive, it's the person you are.

It's who you are, Ben.

Anyway, I win...

I get to walk into the Wriggle Room with the buffest guy I know.

-What?

-Not here.

-Why not here?

Just too close to work.

-Do you even give a damn, about me?

-Of course I do.

But you can't be seen showing me any affection

-in front of your colleagues?

-It's not that...

How do you expect me, or anyone, to feel comfortable with that?

What about your family?

Oh, yeah, you can have your boyfriend round,

but there'll be no kissing or touching,

-cos the rules are different.

-That's not the way it'll be.

Looks to me like it will be.

And a relationship where you can't do that isn't a relationship.

And, for me, it's also a complete turn-off.

Are we still going out on the weekend?

Yeah.

But if you want to go out, in the wider sense,

you need to be honest.

With me and with yourself.

So is Circumference a crim then?

My Czech is not what it should be.

Here.

LinguaCura. Ooh, free Translation.

Can't have the world thinking you have the monopoly on geekiness.

His name is Karel.

Professor Karel Novotny disappeared from a secure hospital

in Prague 18 months ago.

We are concerned for his safety.

If seen please contact Doctor Macek on +420 189 5241.

This isn't a wanted poster, this is a missing person.

Radius... Karel... Why were you in hospital?

Karel?

Let's try that image search, again.

Karel, who are these people?

Anika.

And Gizela.

Gizela...

..daughter.

Where are they, Karel?

Dead.

Car...

..accident.

My fault.

My fault...

My fault.

Open up. Open up... There's a good boy.

There's a good boy.

Nice and tasty. You know you want to.

And that's extension 231, yeah?

Doctor Macek, thank you very much indeed.

Thank you.

So, I've had an update.

Karel was hospitalised, after the accident.

He only had minor injuries, but, because he'd lost his family,

there was a breakdown.

Doctor Macek thinks that, symptomatic of that,

was this belief that he was Radius, from that play.

Why that one?

It could have been anything, any text, any film, TV show, song...

-Somewhere for the mind to hide?

-Yeah.

It could be that he and the writer had the same name,

or maybe it was something that was special to him.

It was somewhere safe to hide, from that pain.

He became Radius. So what happens now?

I need to arrange for his safe transfer.

They're going to do the flight's their end and I need to arrange

for the mental health care team to come here to meet Karel.

Hear that, Karel, you're going home.

But they are not there, Anika and Gizela.

But they are, mate.

Their memories are there.

Not here.

I'm sorry Circum... I'm sorry, Karel.

It's time for you to go home, mate.

In you come.

Hey, somebody's told you the Tembe thermostat technique.

I think I might have hit it a bit too hard.

Can't get everything right all the time.

-Right, let's do it all over again.

-Er, Jimmi...

-Yes?

I was wondering if you needed, any...guinea pigs?

Why, you selling any?

No, I mean, now you're coming to the end of your counselling course.

I was wondering if you needed anyone

to try your skills out on?

-Like...?

-I just need someone to talk to.

Objectively.

-Go over some things.

-OK. How about sometime, next week?

Yeah. Thanks.

Mrs Evers, please?

So, was that your answer?

If it was an answer, what about Karel?

What about Anika, Gizela -

what pattern in his life did losing them fit?

And me...

Have I been given this, that I might know suffering?

Is that what you planned for me?

Wakey.

Wakey-wakey.

Come on. Come on.

Here we go. Come on.

Here you go, mate.

You all right there, yeah?

Don't worry. No-one will take him seriously.

At least we'll make sure they don't. LAUGHTER

-Frankie Hickman.

-Do you know him?

Frankie Hickman was a suspect in an unsolved murder.

How's Heston?

He's obviously fine, because he didn't come home last night.

Oh, Mr Hickman.

We'd like to have a word with you, please. Oi!

This is my husband, he's missing, and he was around here, earlier?

Ryloxadol.

It's similar to Rohypnol.

I found them in Frankie Hickman's flat.