No Sweat Doctors

Please.

You can't take it.

Stop! Greg! Greg!

There must be some mistake.

Please! No, come back!

Oh!

Greg! Greg! It's gone.

Gone.

-What's gone?

-The van.

It's been repossessed.

This awful man just appeared with official papers and everything

and... Greg, are you listening to me?!

The van was an unnecessary expenditure.

Did you know this was going to happen?

We need to cut costs at this vital stage.

It's called fiscal responsibility.

But how are we going to transport all this lot to the shopping centre?

Simple. We'll use the car.

But it's too small.

-It'll be a squeeze but we shall manage.

-But...

Darling, you're going to have to excuse me

because I've got a doctor's appointment. I need to freshen up.

What for? Are you ill?

No, not at all.

But there's no harm in getting checked out now, is there?

Could you box all these up? There's a good girl.

Hello.

I'm just reminding you that Mr Adams is coming at midday.

-Who?

-The wedding photographer.

Don't say you've forgotten?

Of course not. It's just...

What?

The timing is a bit tricky.

I've got a CCG meeting.

So what are you saying? That you are not coming?

It depends on the meeting.

It'd be lovely if you could make it.

Yeah, I know it would. Look, I want this just as much as you.

I'll do my best. See you later. Bye.

You know, I can't help feeling sorry for Ben.

He seems so downhearted this morning.

I thought it was his decision?

Maybe I should...you know...

-What?

-..go and talk to him.

Give him a shoulder to cry on.

Offer a healing touch. That sort of thing.

-I don't think that's a good idea.

-Why not?

Well, he's probably still processing, you know.

Maybe best give him his own space for now.

What if he wants to come out of his shell?

What if he doesn't?

So you think it's best not to interfere?

Yeah!

Hmm.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, hi, Mr Summers.

I was hoping to see you later. What can I do for you?

What?

What are you saying? I don't understand.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

I thought you could use a brew.

Thanks. That's very kind of you.

So, how are you coping?

Just ploughing through the annual audit.

With a bit of luck, I should be on top of it by the end of the day.

No, I meant how are you coping with the thing about you

coming out of the closet and then dumping Will?

Well...it was...

Yeah. No, I understand.

You're processing.

Take your time.

At least I've got work to distract me.

Oh, no. No.

No. You mustn't bury yourself in displacement activity.

You must confront your trauma.

I think I've done enough of that already.

No. You see, Ben, the worst thing you can do is muffle your emotions.

Your gayness has been on a roller-coaster ride, hasn't it?

And I think it's important to acknowledge that.

-Actually, I'm not sure that...

-You've only just accepted yourself

and then your first relationship, boom, blows up in your face.

It must be so tempting just to dive straight back into the closet,

-slam the door, lock the door...

-Valerie, can I ask you something?

Go ahead.

Have you ever done a counselling course?

Not officially, no.

But I like to think I know my way around the basics.

-You could call me intuitive.

-Right.

So, go on, then, between you and me.

How are you really coping?

Also, you shouldn't be afraid to let people know that

you're vulnerable at this time.

That you're flailing. That you're...

Valerie, sorry, I don't mean to be rude

but I really have a lot on my plate, right now.

Yes, I can see that.

No, I mean...

I really do have to crack on.

Oh, right.

Well, I'll leave you to it, then.

-Are you doing anything for lunch?

-Sorry?

You and me, lunch?

Er...fine.

Great.

We've still got a lot more ground to cover.

Take a seat.

Here you go, Madam. An invitation to an event guaranteed to lift

the clouds of your enveloping dotage.

-Excuse me.

-There you go, sir. It will brighten up your afternoon.

Excuse me. Bothering the patients.

Excuse me.

I happen to be promoting enlightenment.

Well, I'm trying to promote a peaceful surgery.

Then I suggest you close your mouth.

I beg your pardon!

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

There's no need to talk to me in that tone of voice.

I happen to have an appointment with Dr Granger.

Name?

Gregory Griffiths.

You're 15 minutes early. If you'd like to take a seat?

What I would like, if it's not too much trouble on your part,

is to be pointed in the general direction of the gent's loos.

SPOON CLINKS

Awkward request moment.

Go on.

I'd really be grateful if we can have one final counselling session.

If you can make the time.

Is this about Will?

You're a mind-reader.

Obviously, you're family and living together, so if you think it's...

He's moved out, actually.

Oh?

Sorry. Forget I asked.

Mm. My room. Ten minutes.

Yeah.

SIGHING Too dry.

HE COUGHS

PHONE RINGS

Greg, call me as soon as you get this message.

It's urgent.

We're in trouble.

What's this?

An opportunity to expand your artistic horizons.

OK.

I am renting a promotional stall in the shopping centre.

Feel free to come along and choose a sculptured figurine

which would undoubtedly enhance your working environment.

-It's...nice.

-Nice?

Surely a professional person of your standing can appreciate

the sheer assemblage of talent required to craft such a piece?

Notice the graceful sweep of the curvature.

The poignant beak. The minimalist detail of the plumage.

Mr Griffiths...

-Call me Greg.

-OK, Greg.

Is there anything that I can actually help you with?

There certainly is.

For the past month or so, I have been sweating profusely.

As you can see for yourself. And it's getting worse.

I'm having to change my clothes up to twice a day.

-OK.

-Now, I have researched my symptoms

and it appears I have something called hyperhidrosis.

It's a possibility.

A possibility? I'd say it was a racing certainty.

Are you taking any medications of late?

Such as?

-You tell me.

-No.

No, OK. Any symptoms of infection? Fever, for example?

These can be sometimes triggers for sweating.

I've had one or two colds. Does that count?

OK, what about spicy food?

Eat a lot, or much alcohol?

I enjoy a curry and a claret now and again.

OK, well, it's best to avoid those for now.

What about deodorant, do you use that?

Possibly. Think so. Yes.

OK, I recommend that you switch to an antiperspirant.

Try to avoid using restrictive clothing.

Anything made of man-made fibres like nylon.

Put on clean, fresh, clothes every day.

And we'll do some tests too.

But, even with these precautions,

I understand there's no cure for hyperhidrosis.

I'm stuck with it?

Perhaps, but we offer a wide range of treatments

that can manage the situation.

What kind of treatments?

There's a number of options up to and including Botox.

Does that mean needles?!

So...

How's Will?

He's OK.

He moved in with Erin on Saturday.

Oh.

I think I really hurt him.

You know what Will's like.

He's disappointed now, but he'll bounce back.

Do you think I did the right thing?

Do you?

Yes.

Well, you can only do what you think is right.

I'll always be grateful to him.

Left to me, I would have stayed closeted for years.

Mum would have liked that.

Do you really believe that?

I spoke to her again over the weekend.

She's not totally wow about my sexuality but she's getting there.

So, it's not all bad, then?

I suppose. Even with the unexpected break-up.

Hm.

Well, think of this as a springboard

for a more emotionally confident chapter in your life.

And quite a lot of celebrities have the toxin injected in their armpits.

Why on Earth would they do that?

If they're doing a lot of award ceremonies,

they don't want to be seen to be sweating too much.

That's all very well but I'm not quite a celebrity yet

-and I have an absolute horror of needles.

-Don't worry.

I'm not suggesting for a minute that we go to that option straightaway.

This is a prescription for an aluminium chloride antiperspirant.

Book an appointment with the nurse on the way out.

I also want to do some blood tests on you,

to make sure everything is in order. And we'll take it from there.

Thank you, Dr Granger.

And can I look forward to your company later on?

And, dare I say, your possible patronage?

What?

Oh, well...

-Let's see.

-You won't regret it.

Art is good for the soul.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Beg your pardon? Oops.

Silly me.

Please come in. I'm sorry my husband can't be here

but we tend to agree on the same things.

Please take a seat, Mr Adams.

ITALIAN ACCENT: Please, it's Paolo.

What a gorgeous home you have.

Such refined decor.

Thank you.

You come highly recommended.

I've seen examples of your work and I am very impressed.

-Thank you. But have you seen my latest work?

-Oh.

It is an explosion of fabulousness.

I see you in a shimmering gown, garlanded with swirls and furls.

Your husband is by your side,

complementing your radiance in a suit of dark satin.

In the background, there is the merest hint of

oriental palace or an exotic beach,

bathed in dazzling sunshine.

All done through the magic of...

MIDLANDS ACCENT: ..green screen.

Actually, we wanted something a bit more traditional.

Traditional?

Well... Please, please.

Don't get me wrong.

I don't mean old-fashioned.

It's just what I want, we want, is classic bride and groom shots.

Because we're going to be at the same venue that we got married.

We're going to have the same flowers.

Is there something wrong?

ITALIAN ACCENT: No, I was just wondering, uh...

MIDLANDS ACCENT: ..why you didn't hire a photographer at the time?

Well, we...we did. But there was a mix-up.

And they went to the wrong venue.

-Ah, that was unfortunate.

-Yeah.

But there won't be a mix-up this time

because I'm going to be in charge of the whole day.

ITALIAN ACCENT: I understand

and I will be 'appy to meet your requirements.

Grazie.

So, shall we have a look at the contract.

The meeting was cancelled. Hello there.

Oh, hi. I am Paolo.

Hola, Paolo. Mio nome e Heston.

Right, let's get started?

What have you been doing all this time?

Why haven't you packed the ducks away?

-Why haven't you been answering your phone?

-Never mind that now.

Come on. We'd better get a shift on, if we're going to set up the stall.

-That's not going to happen.

-What?

There is no stall. Not for us.

What are you blathering about?

I got a call from the manager of the shopping centre.

It turns out he never received the initial down-payment.

So he's had to let it go to someone else.

Oh, tell me this is a joke.

You stupid... This is all your fault!

My fault?!

You're supposed to be in charge of the business side of the business.

Me? For the past year, I've been holding down two jobs

to finance this project.

Your project!

Your project that you've never let me have a single say in.

Have you any idea how hard that's been for me?

The sacrifices I've made?

And what about my sacrifices?

Day in, day out, the strain of maintaining creativity.

The absolute stress of trying to realise an artistic vision.

Don't you come the martyr with me!

I'm sorry. That was probably uncalled for.

We're ruined.

Utterly ruined.

Come on.

I'm sure we can turn this situation around.

-I'm sure.

-How?

Trust me.

Here's to your impending career in fashion photography.

It's only an ambition at this stage.

I'm sure it'll be a roaring success.

Don't you think so, Ruhma?

Right, can we see some examples of your work.

There's no need. Because I've told Paolo what I...WE want.

There's no harm in looking.

Oh, this is fun.

I thought you'd like it.

We could be astronauts on the moon.

Or Antony and Cleopatra going down on the Nile on a golden barge?

Love it.

Or contestants on Love Island.

You don't even know what that is.

I don't want this to be like a silly pantomime theme.

Oh, pantomime, I hadn't thought of pantomime.

Do I need to remind you that our occasion was ruined?

I just want some decent photographs, Heston.

How was your wedding ruined?

She was arrested right after she said "I do."

GASPING Brilliant!

More fabulousness!

Sorry?

Cops and robbers! We can do a comic strip theme.

Oh, like a silent movie.

I could be a Keystone Cop and chase you down an alleyway,

-strewn with ridiculous objects...

-No!

No! No!

This is not what I want.

Are you sure you got permission to do this?

I told you. I called Dr Granger and he readily gave his blessing.

Speaking of blessings.

This is definitely one in disguise.

-How do you work that out?

-Think about it.

In the shopping centre, we would have been one stall among many.

This is a unique location.

Word of mouth will spread like wildfire.

I predict a brisk business future.

Doesn't seem too brisk.

Once again with a negative attitude.

You again.

Ah. Good afternoon.

Might I interest you in...

You're trespassing and causing an obstruction.

It's all right. We've got...

You've got five minutes to clear all this tat away.

Tat? Tat?! You philistine harpy!

SHE CHUCKLES

Five minutes before I call the police.

There seems to be some misunderstanding.

Fetch what's-his-name, Dr Granger.

I don't think we should bother him. Ignore the harridan.

She's bluffing.

What are you doing?

Getting Dr Granger.

Dr Granger.

Oh...

-There's a problem with one of your patients.

-What?

I'd like to see Dr Granger.

Hello, you are...?

I'm Laura Griffiths. You saw my husband earlier, Greg.

-Yes?

-Did you say he could sell his sculptures outside this surgery?

No, no, I didn't.

I'll leave you to it, then?

Behold the noble canard.

This beauteous creation could be yours for the modest sum of £75.

Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. What do you think you're doing?

I'm bringing art to the masses.

You lied to me. Can this day get any worse?

Calm down, dear.

For somebody who's exerting himself with your supposed condition,

you seem remarkably free of symptoms.

The condition is erratic.

The sweating comes and goes.

What's all...? What condition?

-What's all this got to do with sweating?

-Nothing.

Greg doesn't have a problem with sweating.

WHEEZING: Shut up.

-What's going on?

-I said...

COUGHING

Greg!

Greg, try and slow your breathing down!

Nice and smooth, nice and smooth.

I just don't get it.

Why would Ben break our lunch date?

Maybe he forgot.

Perhaps...

Or maybe he's gone for lunch with Jimmi cos it makes sense.

Jimmi has been counselling him.

Yeah, OK, I get that. He has got a connection with Jimmi.

But me and Ben...

What's happened?

Are you OK, do you need a hand?

No, no, it's fine.

-Are you sure?

-Sure.

Honestly, that bloke.

He would make an interesting case study for Jimmi.

Is Jimmi looking for case studies?

Oh, I don't know.

Because I think I'd make an excellent one!

Thank you, Doctor. I feel much better.

All the same, I'd like to arrange for you to be taken to St Phil's

-for some further tests.

-Is that really necessary?

I'd also like to find out what caused your breathlessness.

He's never had this before.

Have you taken any illegal substances?

Of course not. What kind of person do you think I am?

The only thing I've taken...

HE COUGHS

Go on.

Greg, it's in your interest to tell me about something you could

have taken that could have contributed to your attack.

OK, I ate a few of those.

I never tried them before.

Is that what caused this?

Possibly. With some people,

chilli peppers cause an extremely allergic reaction.

Why on earth would you eat them?

It was a dare. A friend dared me.

Not cos you thought they'd make you sweat?

What are you suggesting?!

That I would deliberately try and mimic a symptom of hyperhidrosis?

Why would I want to do that?

You tell me.

And while you're at it, explain this.

Penny for them.

I was just thinking,

maybe I wouldn't make such a good case study for Jimmi after all.

Are you kidding? You'd be an ideal candidate.

Yeah, but what would I talk about?

Where do I start?

Actually, now you come to say it, I do have anxiety issues.

And I've often wondered if I was dyslexic.

Or maybe I've got a touch of dyspraxia?

Maybe you should stick to actual experiences.

I can't tell you the amount of sleep disorders I've had.

And then there's fatigue issues.

And I'm pretty certain I've had a few narcoleptic episodes.

I've never heard you mention any of these things before.

I didn't realise I was so problematic.

Jimmi is in for a real treat.

This is an outrage. You've no right to read my private correspondence.

Why didn't you tell me?

It's not important, I've no intention of serving on a jury.

Why not?

Because some trials can last for months. And that's a disaster

when you're trying to start up your own business.

I see, hence the chilli.

I read somewhere that you can be excused jury service

if you have a condition like hyperhidrosis.

Is that true?

Doctor, I need you to stand by your diagnosis.

I didn't make a diagnosis.

Please, I've given up 20 years, working in local government

in order to realise my dream of becoming an artist. Don't dash it.

I've given my answer.

It wouldn't be ethical.

Oh, I see.

But it would be ethical to let Laura and me go bankrupt!

If anyone is driving us towards bankruptcy, it's you!

-Laura?

-The business website is dull and uninformative.

You've never done any market research.

The products are over-priced.

And when you try and sell them to potential suppliers,

your overbearing attitude puts them off.

-I don't think this...

-We're supposed to operate as a team

but you insist on making all the decisions.

Why have you never mentioned this before?

I have. Repeatedly. But you just don't listen.

For over 20 years, I've been married to a man

who has never once shown the slightest regard

for anything I've ever said.

Perhaps it's time you heeded Laura's advice?

At the very least, considered her opinions.

Could we...start again?

This time, together.

Together?

This isn't helping.

What isn't?

The Arctic silence.

I was going more for seething.

The wedding photos are never going to be the same

because that day has been and gone.

What, you'd rather I looked at photos of myself being arrested?

I'm sorry the day didn't go to plan.

But at least I got to marry the woman of my dreams.

Nice try.

I think we can have a bit more fun with this, you know.

And embrace the central artifice.

Go on?

If we're going to go fake,

let's go really fake.

With Paolo's green screen, we could be at the Niagara Falls

or a tropical garden. You decide.

I don't know.

This is an era of fake news.

We could be a current couple.

We could be bake or fake.

Did you just make that up?

I think I did.

I'm not saying I am totally on board with this...

But?

I...I insist that we just have some photos of the bride and groom.

Of course.

I mean it, Heston. I'm not dressing up as Tinkerbell.

No, I'm Tinkerbell.

You've missed one.

Be a dear and pick it up.

I'll be waiting for you at home.

With your bags packed.

What?

Do you know what, Greg?

I could almost put up with your arrogance and artistic delusions.

But today has proved with blinding clarity that what will never

change is the fact that you are absolutely and irredeemably...

stupid.

Laura!

Oh, and just so you won't be totally alone for the

rest of your miserable life...

Jimmi, sorry to barge in, but I've got some good news for you.

-Great news, actually.

-Oh, yeah?

I've decided to be your next guinea pig.

My what?

So, if you're looking for a new case study...

look no further.

Ta-da!

You are really strong.

I have no control over it.

Is there anything specific in your life that is causing you anxiety?

What are you, an idiot?

Can you stop doing that?

Doing what?

Scratching yourself. You've been doing it all morning.

-Have I?

-Yeah. It's making me itchy.

You lied to me.

For your own good.

I trusted you!

Leah!

Leah!

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