Call Waiting Doctors

Will you shut up?!

I'm just saying.

Well, then, don't. Because I didn't start this.

I'm sure you believe that.

What does that mean?

We both got rid of the scabies, didn't we?

But only one of us got it back.

Hands up who didn't get it back. Oh, that was me!

Maybe the mites were too disgusted to visit you again.

Are you sure it wasn't one of your VPAS patients?

Because I read about this family, who live in utter squalor,

they have rats inviting their friends round for dinner,

that sort of thing.

They all got it.

We both checked our lists.

There wasn't anyone.

One of your friends, then?

What sort of people do you think I hang out with?

If I answer that, you're going to get upset.

This isn't my fault.

I've checked everywhere and...

Oh.

Oh... I'm so sorry,

I didn't realise the funeral was today.

I wanted to check how you were coping.

Sean only went out to buy some crisps.

He didn't even like them, they were for me.

That doesn't make it your fault.

If I'd wanted them, I could have gone myself.

And then none of this would have happened.

It doesn't help, thinking like that.

The last thing I said to him was that I didn't want cheese and onion.

Those were probably the last words he ever heard.

It's pathetic.

You can't have known what was going to happen.

I just wish I could go back.

Make sure he knew how much I loved him.

I'm sure that he knew.

The way that you talked about him, I'm sure everybody knew.

I can't believe this is the last time

I'll ever see him, be able to touch him.

I did have an idea, but it's silly.

What's that?

We met through a dating app on our phones.

Whenever he was away from work, we'd text all the time.

Wherever he was, we were always in contact.

I was thinking of burying his mobile with him.

Well, if that makes you feel better, then you should do it.

It would be like we were still in contact somehow.

Well, that's a good enough reason for me.

Come on. Come on.

SHE SOBS

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this.

I forgot someone.

So you're basically saying that I'm right? That you started this.

Poor woman, her husband got hit by a car when he was crossing the road.

He was only 24.

That's terrible.

She'd really let the place go,

I mean, it was a total tip when I went round.

But I'm an idiot. I didn't question it because of the state she was in,

but, well, there could have been all sorts festering there.

I'd better go round and check.

Yeah, get her some help before she passes it on to anyone else.

Oh, and Karen.

I forgive you.

Right, we need to get things sorted.

Make some plans for your future.

I don't need your help.

I'm fine as I am.

What's that?

Mother, you boiled milk in the kettle?

Stop fussing.

You can't drink that. You'll burn yourself.

What do you care?

What? Of course I care.

Then why do you want to take my home away?

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-I'm sorry but the person you called is not available.

Please leave your message after the tone.

I actually slept for a couple of hours last night.

I had a dream.

It was that cottage in Devon, just after we were married.

I haven't thought about it for years.

Sean, we were so happy.

We'd gone all that way, out to the middle of nowhere,

and you'd forgotten to pack underwear.

Your face when you realised.

I told you...

There you go.

I don't want that. I want tea.

I can't clean the burnt milk off the inside of the kettle.

So I'll buy you a new one.

What have you done to my kettle?

HE SIGHS

Mum, talk to me.

What's wrong?

Yesterday, you said you were going to force me to move.

No, no, I didn't say that.

You misunderstood.

You said you wanted power of attorney.

Yeah, power of attorney will make it easier for me to help you.

This is where I lived with your father.

If I go, I'll forget.

And then he'll be gone for good.

It's not safe for you to be here alone.

We got rid of that man yesterday, but there will be others.

What man?

There are people that will take advantage of you

if you're here alone all day.

And what if you have an accident?

I'm not going into one of those old people's home.

They smell of death.

I can look after myself.

I wish that were true, but, Mum,

I think we need to explore other options.

I bet you do.

What does that mean?

You just want to get rid of me so you can have this house.

That's ridiculous.

Well, that's what you said yesterday.

I'm sure you did. You can't fool me.

I'm sure it was you.

Mum, I need to go back to Letherbridge tonight.

I think you should come with me.

I'm not setting foot over that doorstep.

Well, I can't leave you here like this.

Well, that's your problem.

I'm fine where I am.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Hello, Amy.

-Karen?

I know you're not expecting me,

but I wondered if I could have a word.

Um...

So something has come up, and I wanted to talk to you about it.

Oh?

How's your skin been lately?

Have you had any irritation, any scratching?

No.

Oh, fantastic, that's great.

I just wanted to be sure.

What's this about?

Well, we've had an outbreak of scabies at work.

And I've got to go around and check

that there have been no problems, trying to trace the source.

It's not bad enough I lost Sean,

now you also think I'm going around spreading horrible illnesses?

No, no, no, no.

They're just little mites...

I just wanted to check that you were OK.

Because this place is a pig sty.

Amy, I can see that you're not coping.

That is not your fault, after everything that you've been through.

But your house doesn't seem very clean,

and that can cause all sorts of problems for your health.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to live like this.

I never used to.

That's OK, I'm going to get you some help.

That's what these VPAS visits are all about.

Everything's going to be OK.

PHONE BEEPS

SHE SOBS

Amy?

SHE SIGHS

Something wrong?

No.

Actually, since you've asked...

Yesterday, I gave in to my passion.

OK...

It was just a kiss, but I can still taste it.

And now Ashley has gone and booked us a hotel

for a dangerous liaison this afternoon.

Dangerous liaison? Tank-top Ashley?

-The very same.

-You're not going?

Beneath that tank-top beats a burning heart.

Valerie, he's married.

You can't just pop off with him for a quick bonk

at lunchtime in a cheap hotel.

You make it sound so sordid.

It is.

Yeah, but there is a bond between us, it's primal.

-Unstoppable.

-Valerie, you deserve better.

It's not just about our physical needs.

We relate on a mental level as well.

Yeah, I'm sure you do.

I bet he even gave you

the my-wife-doesn't-understand-me speech.

He actually said that?

It's true, she doesn't understand him.

Will you tell me what's going on?

Amy, you're scaring me. Who called?

It was a text.

From Sean.

Well, you know that can't be true.

I buried his phone with him.

You saw it.

Can I... Can I see?

What does it say?

"I miss you too."

You know that can't be Sean, don't you?

I've texted every day, left messages.

Prayed.

I know this isn't nice to think about,

but somebody must be playing a trick on you.

I told the phone company what happened.

They promised they would keep the line connected,

that they wouldn't give away his number.

They said they wouldn't even charge for it,

under the circumstances.

I know you want to believe this, but it can't be happening.

Please don't reply.

Amy, Sean's dead.

Even if his phone was working,

how could he possibly be sending you texts?

I don't know how.

All that matters is that he is.

PHONE BEEPS

Oh, I don't know what to do.

She's not safe to be left alone.

You dealt with the dodgy window salesman?

Yeah, but there'll be others.

How does your mum seem?

Angry...at me, mostly.

She thinks I want to turf her out so I can have the house.

She's just confused.

I can't get through to her.

Have you tried singing to her? It can help.

Right.

If I wanted nonsense advice, I would speak to Valerie.

I expect better of you, Ayesha.

It's a real thing.

She is losing her mind.

How is singing some Beatles medley going to change that?

Heston was talking about it the other day,

saying opera can trigger memories in dementia patients.

So, surely the same applies to other kinds of music too?

Anyway, there's scientific evidence. Look it up.

Oh, yeah, cos I've got all the time in the world

to spend disproving some crazy theory

I already know to be nonsense.

Al, you asked me for a solution, I suggested one.

It's up to you if you pay any attention or not.

Anyway, I've got to go, there's patients waiting.

HE SIGHS

Singing therapies.

Where's Karen? I've got these patient feedback forms

that she's been going on about.

She went out to visit patient zero.

I beg your pardon?

The woman who started the whole scabies outbreak.

Apparently her house is Grotsville Central.

Valerie, as you well know,

dirty houses have nothing whatsoever to do with scabies.

That's not what my magazine says.

What magazine - Scabies Monthly?

No, Fresh Talk.

That trash? That's the magazine that ran the article

about the royal family had been replaced by Russian look-alikes?

The evidence was quite damning.

Right.

Well, the evidence for scabies

affirms that it passes from skin to skin.

The mites don't just turn up at dirty houses,

waiting for someone to jump on.

But if you'd rather trust the word of those hacks than me...

Sorry.

Yeah, Karen might have got a bit caught up in my enthusiasm.

For two people who've been banging on about this for weeks,

you're both remarkably naive.

You're not following, Rob.

Someone is playing a trick on her.

It's a sick, cruel joke.

No, I do, I get it.

OK? But there's not a lot I can do unless she reports it.

She's just lost her husband -

she's desperate to cling onto anything at the moment.

The longer she spends thinking that she's communicating with him,

-the harder it's going to be when she faces the truth.

-What?

And you are certain the messages are coming from his phone?

His name came up on the mobile.

And she was weird as soon as she heard the ring tone -

must have been specific to him.

And she definitely put it in the coffin?

I saw her do it.

Well, someone must have taken it out, then.

I don't see how.

The body was in the house right up until the funeral.

She would have seen.

You don't think somebody...

What, dug him up to play a trick? I doubt it.

And, anyway, I would have heard the reports.

OK.

Well, do you think that you could trace

where the mobile is calling from?

I need more evidence to authorise that.

And the phone companies are not exactly quick off the mark to help.

I don't suppose she's spoken to whoever is doing this?

No, just texted.

And why's that?

That's how she says they communicate.

I'm thinking that she doesn't want the proof that it's not real.

Well, why don't you get hold of the number, and call them yourself?

How? It's never out of her sight.

If anyone can find a way, it's you.

Yeah, well, flattery will get you everywhere.

Yeah, I know.

Bye.

Just get in here!

-HE GROANS

-No!

Ashley, I am here to work.

Somebody might see us.

But I'm hungry for you.

Make an excuse, bunk off.

I can't just abandon reception.

And, anyway, I don't think we should be doing this.

We don't have a choice.

We do have a choice, and you have a wife.

She means nothing to me.

Tell me you don't feel it, the charge between us.

Yes, you know I do.

But some people think you may be using me.

What people? Oh, I'll set them straight.

I think they might be right.

How can they understand what we feel?

How can they know the fireworks that go off in my mind...

..every time I look at you?

Very well, I will go to the hotel and wait.

The choice is yours, my darling.

Give in to our love,

or let other people rule your life.

-But...

-Sh.

Mwah.

Ah.

Mm.

Who were you talking to?

My husband.

Any more messages?

He says he wishes he could hold me in his arms again.

Um...

Have you...? Well, are you sure that somebody

hasn't changed the number in your phone?

Cos...

I mean, it might say Sean,

but it could be another number entirely who's actually calling you.

-Who would do that?

-Well, I don't know.

But isn't it best to check?

It'll take two seconds, and it will put your mind at rest.

See, it's the same.

I remember the double six at the end - it was our old house number.

Well, at least we've ruled that out.

RINGTONE

Yeah?

Who am I talking to?

You called me.

I presume I'm talking to the man from beyond the grave?

I'll take that as a yes.

Why are you tormenting that poor young woman?

What you're doing is cruel and sick.

The woman you've been texting

is going through the worst time of her life,

and what you're doing is not helping.

So if you've got any decency, you will stop it.

This is a wind-up, right?

What are you playing at now?

I just thought it would be nice to have a jolly old sing-along.

You used to like playing on Boxing Day.

Your carols.

The whole village would come round.

I learnt when I was a girl.

Every Tuesday night after school,

I had to go round to Mr Henderson's house.

You remember that?

Always smelt of chestnuts.

He was a kind old man.

He lost his wife in the war.

It was her piano, I think.

I remember you trying to teach me.

It went on for ages, didn't it?

You wouldn't let me watch the telly, if I had to have a lesson.

Those scales.

Ho! I hated those scales with a passion.

Especially when I wanted to be watching Thundercats.

I've got to put the washing on.

Come on, Mum, please, please. Do it for me.

Let's see what we've got here?

Why are you trying to confuse me? I know what you want.

I want you to be well and happy, Mother.

Here you go, how about this?

Greensleeves? You know, it's actually a myth

that this was written by Henry the VIII,

it's not important right now...

So, let's see...

HE PLAYS

HE PLAYS A WRONG NOTE No, um...

HE SINGS GREENSLEEVES

You know how it goes.

You remember?

I'm sorry, Mum, it was a stupid idea.

SHE PLAYS GREENSLEEVES

# To cast me off discourteously... #

I swear I didn't know.

I thought it was my mates winding me up.

You thought they were pretending to be a grieving widow?

Who would do that?

You haven't met my friends.

They're always doing stuff like that.

I know they're idiots, but I was just playing along.

How did you get Sean's phone?

I didn't.

Bought mine new the other day.

The phone company said that she could keep his old number.

Talk to them about it -

it must be their mistake, this is what they gave me.

How did she take it? Did I upset her?

Amy's grieving.

She wants to believe it, even though she knows it can't be true.

So, please, don't answer any more of her messages.

I won't.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Zara, now, you're a fellow woman of the world.

Uh-huh.

You know the thrill of forbidden love.

Can I help you with something, Valerie?

Well, there is this gentleman,

and he would like to ravish me in a hotel room at lunchtime.

Doesn't sound like much of a gentleman.

Ayesha disapproves, of course.

But she just doesn't understand.

She's never known the thrill of illicit lovemaking.

But you're different.

You've got a wild, free spirit.

Valerie, the first thing I did this morning

was spend ages, nearly an hour,

squabbling with Daniel over breakfast cereal.

And then I tried to prevent Joe from having tantrums over,

well, just about anything.

Let's just say, I'm not in that place any more.

Yes, but you remember it?

You know, when nothing else mattered but the demands of the flesh?

Oh, there was nothing better.

He's married.

Well, that's just his problem, isn't it?

The fact that he wants you, makes it all the more intense, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does.

So you don't think it's cheap, then?

Meeting him in a hotel room at lunchtime.

The thrill of a snatched hour together?

That moment of feeling truly alive?

That's not cheap.

That's glorious.

So you think I should go, then?

If it were me, I wouldn't be asking someone else's opinion.

I knew you'd understand.

Sorry about that.

How are you feeling?

He's gone quiet.

Why hasn't he replied?

Amy, there's something that you need to know.

PHONE BEEPS

Is that him again?

What's he saying?

I shouldn't have contacted you,

but I had to be sure you were all right.

Now I know that you are, I can rest.

I won't be able to do this again.

I'll always love you, Amy.

Amy, I...

I just needed to know he was all right.

I'm glad for you.

Wow, Mother.

I am seriously impressed.

You've clearly kept your practice up?

No, I haven't.

I have an idea.

How's about I get a carer to come and see you, twice a day?

What for?

Well, they could help you with things.

-They could go shopping for you.

-I do my own shopping.

Well, it would be someone to go shopping with you.

They could carry the heavy stuff.

I could get someone to come and see you of an afternoon?

Someone to talk to.

Someone to play the piano for.

Let strangers into my house?

I would get them from an agency.

It would be someone you can trust.

We could even put up some more cameras, you know.

If there was any more dodgy business, we'd have it taped.

What do you say?

Well, all right.

If it means I can stay here, yes.

You know it wouldn't be a permanent solution?

I'm not leaving here.

No, I don't want you to leave here, either.

This is your home.

That's why we're doing everything we can to keep you here.

All right.

Let's see what's next.

Oh, my goodness.

Dad used to sing this, every time he had a bath.

SHE LAUGHS

-Go on.

-I'll give you a note.

SHE PLAYS A NOTE Oh, that's high.

-You'll manage.

-Was that Dad's key?

I don't know.

Go on, tinkle those ivories, Elton.

# Oh, Danny boy

# The pipes, the pipes are calling

# From glen to glen

# And down the mountain side

# The summer's gone

# And all the roses falling

# 'Tis you, 'tis you must go

# And I must bide

# But I'll be back

# When summer's in the meadow

# Or when the land is soft and white

# With snow, with snow, with snow

# Yes I'll be here

# In sunshine or in shadow

# Oh, Danny boy

# Oh, Danny boy

# I love you so. #

PIANO PLAYS

This is why I'm always banging on

about the need for a proper back up system.

This is ridiculous. I just pressed a button

on the keyboard and the whole damn thing...

We've had a power cut, Heston.

How long have we worked together?

You really think I don't know when you're holding something back?

Can we just talk about this later?

What about your responsibility to me?

To yourself?

What about your responsibility to us?