All Art Is Theft Doctors


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All Art Is Theft

Ayesha invites herself to the Icon with Ashley, but it is answers she is after, not profiteroles. Daniel hunts for a student who has stolen something.


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LineFromTo

Hi. I'm Kevin.

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MANCUNIAN ACCENT: All right, lads? Simon Turner in the house.

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HE SIGHS

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UPPER-CLASS ACCENT: My name? Ah! R.F. Horsington.

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Thank you.

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SCOTTISH ACCENT: I'm Jimmy Rooney, and I've got to have my oats, pal!

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HE SIGHS

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HE SIGHS

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-OK, you can start now.

-Oh, great.

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So it looks like Al's computer was the source of the virus.

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-Oh, what a surprise.

-It then copied itself onto the network from there.

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And the good news is...?

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We think we can isolate the problem and repair the systems.

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Wonderful. Can we get on with it, then?

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No point fixing the system unless we fix a few things in-house first.

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-Such as?

-E-mails, for a start.

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We need to be smarter about what we keep and what we download.

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We're pretty smart anyway, aren't we, for the most part?

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Emma, your yoga, wine-tasting and Spanish-cooking mailing lists

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all triggered the anti-spyware programme.

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When do you have time to do all that?

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I don't, I just like to know what's going on.

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The thing is, we're all to blame,

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so we need to tighten security in general.

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-We need new passwords, new discipline.

-Yeah.

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So we're going to pare right back

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on computers today while Jimmi and I...

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With the help of Karen and Valerie...

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Yes, do a complete overhaul of office IT.

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So I need you to stay off the computers as much as possible

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because the network is going to be down

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intermittently throughout the day.

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I'm going to need your laptops as well.

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Heston and Emma, you're in charge of

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helping run things as low-tech as we can manage.

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-Sorry, why us?

-Hang on a minute.

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I thought the whole point was to get the computers back.

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It's the only way, if we want to be up and running

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before the inspection tomorrow.

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Which we do, very much so.

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I will inform Dr Granger and Dr Carmichael.

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I think this is a lesson learnt for everyone.

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Because it's boring!

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Because this place is full of children!

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Kids who've just left Mummy and Daddy

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and don't know what to do with themselves.

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HE SIGHS

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You're welcome.

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So you're going to need to change all your passwords,

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no fewer than nine characters, a combination of numbers and letters,

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-upper case and lower case, please.

-I know.

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And we'd like everybody to have a proper,

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vigorous spring-clean of their inboxes.

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Unreads down to zero.

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Files tidied.

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Anything you don't really, really, really need is to go in the bin.

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-And I will be checking.

-Right.

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-It's a much-needed digital hygiene.

-Yeah.

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Give all those bits you haven't used for a long time a really good scrub.

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OK. Of course. Thank you, Valerie. Do you mind...?

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Don't forget, Daniel, clean your bits.

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Yeah. Kevin Pritchard? I'm Dr Granger. Please come through.

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-Thank you.

-Take a seat.

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All right, what about this one?

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That's from my mate Maggie, pictures of her new car.

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OK. This one?

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Icon bar. Money-off voucher.

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From 2014?

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This one?

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OK, so, that started with me asking Mandy about her new-car day

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and then it just sort of ballooned from there.

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Who's Mandy? Karen, it belongs in the bin, all right? All of it.

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No! No, no, no! Because that's a recipe for a chocolate...

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I just haven't got around to... SHE SIGHS

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Bin.

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This is cruel because I've not got that saved anywhere else.

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What, some photos about a second-hand hatchback,

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or e-mails about a pie you're never going to make?

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She was very proud of that car.

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I'm not going anywhere until all that is in the bin

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and then that bin is emptied.

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-I hope you're going to be just as mean to everybody else.

-No!

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You are.

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Nice watch. Where did you get it?

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Actually, it was a gift.

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So tell me, would you say that these headaches are random,

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or is there a pattern?

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You know, if you drink coffee, or if you sleep too much?

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What sort of coffee do you drink?

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Better if we kept the focus on you, if that's OK?

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Of course.

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Have you been feeling stressed lately?

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If I'm stressed, what should I do?

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Well, there are some lifestyle changes that you could make.

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What do you do if you're stressed?

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I exercise and listen to music.

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-But you need to find out what works for you.

-Right.

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OK. Are you sexually active?

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-Would you mind saying that again?

-Are you sexually active?

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Oh, no, not especially.

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OK. And what about your diet, how's that?

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What sort of thing should I eat?

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What do you make for dinner?

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Forgive me, this meeting's about you, it's not about me.

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Oh, no. Yeah, me, definitely. Sorry. Er...

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Just wanted a few tips, that's all.

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-Right.

-You seem very healthy, well-rounded.

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-Well..

-Anyway, you've been a great help.

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Oh. OK.

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Well, if you need to talk, then please remember,

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my door's always open.

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Your door's always open.

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Great. Thanks.

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Welsh place names are always a good idea. Very hard to crack.

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Like, what - Newport?

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Ah, yes, no, but in Welsh,

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Newport is C...Cas...Casnew.

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It's very complicated.

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A lot of Welsh names are.

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Very complicated people too.

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How does this help me with my e-mails?

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It needs to be something random and hard to forget.

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-Just like you.

-Exactly!

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Oh, hello!

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The inspection isn't until tomorrow.

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I'm just in to double-check what time I'm expected

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and to see if your lovely self fancies a spot of lunch.

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Aw! Now, as tempting as that sounds,

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I have got quite a lot on my plate already.

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My figurative plate, obviously.

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I am shouldering a lot of responsibility today.

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Not even if I throw in a promise of profiteroles at the Icon?

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-I've a voucher.

-Aw!

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I'm afraid I am just going to have

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to power on through lunch, if I'm honest.

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Excuse me.

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In which case, is there somewhere we could talk? Together? In private?

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I am very busy.

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Cyber-security waits for no-one.

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It's important.

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OK. Come on then.

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I mean it, I will leave her.

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Right.

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Just...when everything's died down a bit, when the time's right.

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I wouldn't want to be cruel, of course.

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Of course.

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But I will do what needs doing.

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OK.

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I'm so sorry I wasn't able to see you this weekend.

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You know you mean the world to me.

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I know.

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Have you thought any more about my proposal?

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Oh, yes. Yes.

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Very much.

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And...?

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Well, it's a big life decision, isn't it?

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I mean, it was lovely of you to ask me,

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but I can't rush these things.

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So I promise you, as soon as I have an answer,

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you'll be the first to know.

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Right.

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Thank you.

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I knew you'd understand.

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OK, I'd better get back

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because duty has no sweethearts, as they say.

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Oooh! Did I hear you say you had a dessert voucher for the Icon?

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-Ah! Well, I...I...

-I have been craving profiteroles like crazy.

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I'll go halves with you.

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-Well, um...

-You don't mind, do you, Valerie?

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I just didn't think they'd be your sort of thing.

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I love profiteroles!

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And it'd be good to go over what

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the nursing staff can do ahead of the inspection.

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-Get some of that patient feedback.

-OK.

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Well, I don't suppose...

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And I thought it was high time

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I got to know the man in your life properly.

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-Of course.

-I want to make more of an effort.

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I know how much you two mean to each other.

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I think that's really lovely, Ayesha.

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Great! I'll see you at 2:00.

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PHONE RINGS

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Dr Granger.

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I need the verification codes. Have you got them?

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Karen, codes?

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I need to verify your accounts,

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but they've sent the codes to you.

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I don't know what any of that means.

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I need the numbers that have been texted to your phone.

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Oh. Right.

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-Are you still there?

-Yeah, I'm still here,

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but it looks like my mobile phone isn't. Can you ring it?

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Oh, hang on.

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HE EXHALES

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-Anything?

-It's ringing.

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Well, then, it's not here.

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So, who's got the codes?

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The person who's got my phone.

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I thought we were tidying up e-mails, not launching nuclear missiles.

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Does this mean I've got to do this all over again?

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If you haven't got my phone, then, yes, I suppose so.

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-When did you last have it?

-Well, I mean, I came straight...

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I will call you back in a bit.

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Hello?

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Americano. Grazie.

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-Thanks, you're a star.

-What's the name?

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Daniel. Daniel Granger.

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-Grab a seat, I'll bring it to you now.

-Thanks.

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Hi...Daniel.

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Oooh! Not seen you around.

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Can't have been looking very hard, then, can you?

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OK, so the first thing I need you to do is to log on.

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Oh, that's such a shame, you've failed the first check.

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You let me see what you were typing.

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You asked me to type it in!

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What, so, if I asked for your PIN number, you'd give me that as well?

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Trust no-one, Emma.

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OK, go to Systems, Security, and click on Change Password.

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OK, now change your password.

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Oooh. Ah. Yeah, you're going to have to do better than that.

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I need at least seven characters. Upper case, lower case,

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punctuation. Make it difficult.

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EMMA SIGHS

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OK. Now make a note so you don't forget.

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That is so disappointing.

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What now?!

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You definitely do not make a note of your password on a Post-it Note.

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I mean, I can see it, it's right there.

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Hot Tub 69. I don't get it.

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You said to make it difficult.

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You're going to have to do it again.

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EMMA SIGHS

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Right, there we go.

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OK, now log out.

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Perfect. I'll leave you to it.

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-EMMA SIGHS

-Problem?

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I can't remember it and...now it's locked me out!

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Oh, gosh!

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So, do you live locally?

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You could say that. I'm over in Greenbank Halls.

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Oh, you're a student here!

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Well, I'm a student of the world.

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-HE LAUGHS

-I can tell.

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So, what do you like to do afterhours?

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-What do you like to do?

-I don't like to waste time.

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Great minds think alike.

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Hi. I was in earlier, I left my phone.

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Is there a problem?

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No. I just like to, um...savour the things I enjoy.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Mrs Tembe, you're up next.

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I have a lot on.

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A new state-of-the-art water cooler is supposed to arrive today.

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-Oh, it won't take a minute.

-Nobody's above the law.

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Right, very well.

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OK. Log yourself out, please.

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-How are you supposed to...

-Do as she says.

-All right, very well.

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Right. OK, now, your current password,

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that's not written down on a Post-it or anything like that?

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Please! I am very careful.

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-Well, you know this.

-OK.

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-BLEEP!

-Ah!

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Well, how did you do that?!

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-BOTH:

-Botswana1.

-With a capital B.

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Yeah, it was our first guess.

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Well, that is just an elaborate parlour trick.

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Look, I am very busy!

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Um...you've got 1,689 unread e-mails!

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I am the practice manager.

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It is inevitable that I will have

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a great deal of very important correspondence

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and I need to keep a paper trail.

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160 of them are from the church book group.

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All right, do you mind?! Please, step away!

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I am quite capable of sorting out my own security.

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Look, why don't you go and check

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whether Dr Vere has sorted out the antivirus.

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Thank you very much, ladies. Goodbye.

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Botswana1.

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-Do you want to get out of here?

-What about your panini?

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Nah, they're taking too long. Besides, my door is always open.

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-When you put it like that...

-I do.

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-Daniel Granger?

-Yeah! Over here.

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-Kevin? Excuse me. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!

-Excuse me, sir!

0:15:050:15:08

Who are you?

0:15:080:15:10

I'm Daniel Granger.

0:15:100:15:11

-Oh, are you his dad?

-No. No, no. Do you know him?

0:15:110:15:15

Well, he said he was called Daniel, so...no.

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What's he up to?

0:15:170:15:19

Probably stealing my identity and my phone.

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You say he called himself Daniel Granger?

0:15:210:15:24

Why would he steal your identity just to buy a student coffee?

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And flirt with me? We were going to go back to his.

0:15:280:15:30

Do you think he was going to try something with me?

0:15:300:15:33

-Do you know where he lives?

-Yeah, Greenbank.

0:15:330:15:36

OK. May I borrow your phone? I want to call the police.

0:15:360:15:38

-Which one's Greenbank?

-Come on, I'll show you.

0:15:380:15:41

MUSIC: Spaceship by Tinchy Stryder and Dappy

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HE SIGHS

0:15:530:15:55

HE SIGHS OK.

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HE SIGHS

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HE SIGHS

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HE SIGHS

0:16:110:16:12

Geoffrey's the same, he ignores you if you want to play with him,

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then sits on your head if you start watching Strictly.

0:16:180:16:20

I saw this joke once where an owner brings a dog food,

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and the dog thinks "This man just brought me food, he must be a god".

0:16:250:16:28

And then the owner feeds a cat and the cat thinks...

0:16:280:16:31

-"This man just brought me food, I must be a god."

-Yeah.

0:16:310:16:34

Love it. It's very true.

0:16:340:16:36

Anyway, enough about cats.

0:16:360:16:39

Let's talk Valerie.

0:16:390:16:41

What exactly are you up to?

0:16:420:16:44

I don't think it's exactly appropriate to break in.

0:16:470:16:50

I'm all about the inappropriate, that's fine by me.

0:16:500:16:53

Besides, he said, "My door is always open".

0:16:530:16:58

You coming in?

0:16:590:17:02

-Can I borrow your phone again?

-Yeah.

0:17:050:17:07

I want to try calling mine. Thank you.

0:17:070:17:10

I want to see what else he keeps in the closet. Huh!

0:17:100:17:12

Oh! There's all sorts in here.

0:17:140:17:16

There's no one style.

0:17:160:17:17

It's like he's got different clothes for different people.

0:17:170:17:21

Do you think he's done this before?

0:17:210:17:22

Like, a professional con artist?

0:17:220:17:24

I don't know.

0:17:240:17:26

Well, how did you meet him, if you don't mind me asking?

0:17:260:17:28

He was a walk-in patient at the surgery this morning.

0:17:280:17:31

To be honest, I thought there was something slightly off about him,

0:17:310:17:35

like he was trying to study me or something.

0:17:350:17:38

The Westlake Room, do you know where that is?

0:17:390:17:42

Yeah, over by the Art blocks.

0:17:420:17:44

That's where he's supposed to be now.

0:17:440:17:46

Come on, I'll show you.

0:17:460:17:48

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

0:17:520:17:55

So, you have told your wife?

0:17:590:18:01

-No, but...

-But you have a plan, don't you?

0:18:010:18:04

You're not putting it off

0:18:040:18:05

and hoping someone else makes the hard decisions for you?

0:18:050:18:08

This has already been a very hard decision for me.

0:18:080:18:10

Really? But I thought you loved Valerie.

0:18:100:18:13

Surely that makes it easy.

0:18:130:18:16

Yes! Look, you're not listening.

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You're trying to confuse me.

0:18:180:18:20

Probably because you're confusing everyone else.

0:18:200:18:22

What's Valerie supposed to make of all this stop-starting?

0:18:220:18:25

And your wife?

0:18:250:18:26

What if she wanted to have a family with you?

0:18:260:18:29

-Her hopes for the future...

-I know. I think about that,

0:18:290:18:32

but I also think about how happy Valerie and I will be together.

0:18:320:18:37

I mean, you're her friend,

0:18:370:18:40

should I really stand in the way of her happiness?

0:18:400:18:42

-Happiness?

-Mm.

0:18:420:18:44

What are you offering her except more stress and disappointment?

0:18:440:18:49

I proposed!

0:18:490:18:50

Exactly.

0:18:500:18:51

I knew this would happen.

0:18:510:18:53

Valerie's told me what you think of me.

0:18:530:18:56

I don't know how else to tell you this, Ayesha, but I'm a good man.

0:18:560:19:02

I really am.

0:19:020:19:04

In my experience, good men don't need to tell you that.

0:19:060:19:09

Excuse me, but what's any of this got to do with you, anyway?

0:19:090:19:14

It's Valerie's life and I trust she's smart enough to know

0:19:140:19:17

what she's doing, even if you don't.

0:19:170:19:20

Did she tell you to go on the warpath like this, hm?

0:19:200:19:23

Or do you just think she can't handle herself?

0:19:230:19:26

Oh, I know Valerie can handle herself. I've seen it.

0:19:260:19:29

But you missed it, didn't you, because you ran for the hills

0:19:290:19:31

as soon as she got ill, and it was US at the Mill who saw her through.

0:19:310:19:34

So thanks to you, I know all too well what Valerie can handle.

0:19:340:19:38

So excuse me if I don't think much of your proposal,

0:19:380:19:41

given that you've already failed the in-sickness-and-in-health bit.

0:19:410:19:44

I know!

0:19:440:19:46

I'm a coward...and a heel!

0:19:470:19:51

No use crying to me.

0:19:530:19:55

What are you going to do about it?

0:19:550:19:57

I don't know.

0:19:570:19:58

Every day, dozens of people come through my door, wanting to see me.

0:20:010:20:05

But do any of them really actually ever see me?

0:20:050:20:09

Does anyone coming through that door know who I really am?

0:20:090:20:14

I mean, I...

0:20:140:20:16

I'm so sorry. Excuse me just a moment.

0:20:180:20:20

Look, I really can't talk.

0:20:230:20:24

It's a stage-acting module, I'm being graded and...

0:20:240:20:26

-Where's my phone?

-Sorry, what?

0:20:260:20:29

I'm not going anywhere until I get my phone.

0:20:290:20:31

MAN COUGHS

0:20:310:20:32

Look, I have to go, OK? I could meet you outside afterwards.

0:20:320:20:35

-I'll be right here.

-Me too.

0:20:350:20:37

Hi. I'm Daniel Granger.

0:20:510:20:53

And if you really cared about Valerie,

0:20:550:20:57

you'd do the right thing this time and man up!

0:20:570:21:00

If you can't be honest with your wife,

0:21:000:21:02

the least you can do is be honest with Valerie.

0:21:020:21:04

No more empty promises.

0:21:040:21:06

I know!

0:21:060:21:08

I promise!

0:21:080:21:11

-Sorry!

-Stop messing everyone about!

0:21:110:21:14

Thank you, Ayesha.

0:21:200:21:22

You're doing right by Valerie, and I respect you for that.

0:21:230:21:27

I'm going to sort things out. I truly will.

0:21:270:21:30

You're a good friend to her, you really are.

0:21:300:21:34

Here, you have these.

0:21:340:21:38

I don't deserve them.

0:21:400:21:41

When I'm stressed, and that's not often, I should add,

0:21:500:21:54

I like to exercise.

0:21:540:21:56

I might have a sesh with Samantha from the gym,

0:21:560:21:59

or with Candy from the tennis club,

0:21:590:22:02

or sometimes with them both at the same time.

0:22:020:22:04

But to tell you the truth,

0:22:040:22:07

I, er...I like my women like my coffee, out on the balcony.

0:22:070:22:11

Terrific view from up here, and that's just me.

0:22:110:22:15

A doctor's salary goes a lot further than you think.

0:22:160:22:20

Mostly into girls' purses, but that's what keeps me going.

0:22:200:22:24

That...and the medicine.

0:22:240:22:27

I'm a heart specialist.

0:22:280:22:29

I, er...I think I like fixing other people's hearts because...

0:22:290:22:33

Well, I'm not quite sure what will ever fix mine.

0:22:330:22:37

I mean, I know what it's like to be admired, but

0:22:380:22:41

will I ever know love?

0:22:410:22:42

APPLAUSE

0:22:460:22:48

You weren't supposed to see that ever.

0:22:540:22:56

Well, that was an eye-opener.

0:22:560:22:58

I may have taken a few liberties, you know, creative licence.

0:22:580:23:02

A few liberties? For the record, I don't have a balcony

0:23:020:23:05

and the girl from the tennis club was called Sophia.

0:23:050:23:08

Why did you run off?

0:23:080:23:09

I mean, I'd kind of stolen this guy's character,

0:23:090:23:13

it was a bit embarrassing to have to say,

0:23:130:23:15

"Sorry, I was rehearsing on you".

0:23:150:23:17

Oh. So, it was a rehearsal.

0:23:170:23:19

Well, no, not entirely.

0:23:190:23:20

And we were going to go back to your room.

0:23:200:23:23

I mean, how much of a method actor are you?

0:23:230:23:25

-Wouldn't you like to know?

-Oh!

0:23:250:23:26

Sorry to interrupt, have you got my phone?

0:23:260:23:28

Why would I have your phone?

0:23:280:23:30

OK, fine, I haven't got time for that.

0:23:300:23:32

Can I borrow yours please again?

0:23:320:23:35

Thank you.

0:23:350:23:37

PHONE RINGS OUT

0:23:370:23:38

Hello?

0:23:380:23:40

Karen?

0:23:400:23:42

Ah, Daniel! I've found your phone.

0:23:420:23:45

I was wondering what all that flipping buzzing was.

0:23:450:23:47

It was coming from your laptop bag the whole time.

0:23:470:23:50

It doesn't matter.

0:23:500:23:52

Just hold on to it for me, would you?

0:23:520:23:54

Thanks.

0:23:540:23:56

Thank you.

0:23:560:23:57

Um...goodbye. And goodbye.

0:23:570:24:00

Oh, and for the record, I would never say "sesh".

0:24:000:24:03

-Probably think I'm a right weirdo now, don't you?

-Just a bit.

0:24:080:24:12

But if I'm honest, I do like a bit of drama,

0:24:120:24:15

and running about with the doctor.

0:24:150:24:17

And I am pretty intrigued by you, that's for sure.

0:24:170:24:20

You ignored me this morning, you know.

0:24:200:24:23

I held the door open for you, you didn't see me.

0:24:230:24:25

-Didn't even say thanks.

-Oh!

0:24:250:24:27

Well, maybe I'm bringing out the best in you.

0:24:270:24:31

So, when will I see you around?

0:24:310:24:35

My door is always open.

0:24:350:24:37

HE CHUCKLES

0:24:370:24:39

I know this must be difficult to hear.

0:24:410:24:45

I... It's just such a shock!

0:24:450:24:49

Well, it was to me, as well.

0:24:490:24:52

I thought we were going for a nice lunch, share a dessert,

0:24:520:24:55

but then Ayesha turned on me.

0:24:550:24:58

She's so bitter and obsessive!

0:24:590:25:03

I mean, I felt threatened, and that doesn't happen lightly.

0:25:030:25:07

-I know.

-I don't mean to gossip.

0:25:070:25:09

-I probably shouldn't say anything, but...

-Go on.

0:25:090:25:12

But what if...what if she hurt you?

0:25:120:25:16

She wouldn't!

0:25:160:25:18

Maybe not, but...she's fixated on you.

0:25:180:25:22

I know our living arrangements will change at some point,

0:25:240:25:27

but until, then I'm bound to worry!

0:25:270:25:30

Have you had a chance to think about...my proposal?

0:25:300:25:35

-Definitely.

-Ah.

0:25:350:25:37

Definitely thought about it.

0:25:370:25:40

Lots of thinking.

0:25:400:25:41

Anyway, I think it's best for everyone

0:25:410:25:45

if you see a lot less of her.

0:25:450:25:47

Find some freedom from Ayesha.

0:25:470:25:50

For her sake.

0:25:500:25:53

-Right.

-Yeah.

0:25:540:25:56

Thanks for the warning.

0:25:560:25:58

Right, I've scanned the system,

0:26:080:26:10

deleted all the corrupted files and any trace of the virus I could find,

0:26:100:26:15

downloaded the updates and updated those downloads.

0:26:150:26:18

And where does that leave us?

0:26:180:26:20

I just have to do a full system reinstallation and then we're done.

0:26:200:26:24

Turning it off and on again.

0:26:240:26:26

It is a little bit more complicated than that.

0:26:260:26:28

But Toby says we have to do a full system restore

0:26:280:26:30

to guarantee we've got rid of everything nasty.

0:26:300:26:33

Great. How long's that going to take?

0:26:330:26:35

12 hours minimum, I'm afraid. It's going to be an overnight job.

0:26:350:26:37

-What?!

-Hang on a minute. That doesn't leave much margin for error.

0:26:370:26:40

-What if we come in tomorrow...

-Just before the inspection.

0:26:400:26:43

..turn it on and it doesn't work?

0:26:430:26:45

Then we are in big trouble.

0:26:450:26:47

Now, you know what is expected of you?

0:26:540:26:56

Professional, efficient, service with a smile.

0:26:560:26:58

Nigel Sparks. My colleague, Mr Chivers.

0:26:580:27:01

Life extinct...8:42.

0:27:010:27:04

No! N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

0:27:040:27:06

I didn't even get to say goodbye!

0:27:060:27:08

You're admitting that you stabbed Mr and Mrs Khan to death?

0:27:080:27:11

Maybe we should tell the inspectors the truth. Come clean.

0:27:110:27:14

And commit professional suicide?

0:27:140:27:16

Ayesha invites herself to the Icon with Ashley, but it is answers she is after, not profiteroles. Daniel hunts all over campus for a student who has stolen something very precious to him - his identity.