Doctor Shopping Doctors

He's gorgeous.

He's like a sculpture.

He is a patient. Stop gawping.

I'm sure he's used to it.

Are you all right, Sister Hanif?

Well, how much time have you got?

Perhaps we could go bargain-hunting this lunchtime.

Oh, I can't - I'm seeing Heston for lunch.

OK.

Henry?

Mr Connor?

Henry Connor?

Sorry. I'm in that much pain, I don't know where I am.

Oh, you poor man!

Come here! Let me help.

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

He's in quite a lot of pain, Dr Carmichael.

Is there anything else I can do?

-Yes, thank you, Valerie, I can take it from here.

-OK.

So, Mr Connor, you last came to see us 18 months ago

-and you saw Dr Donoghue.

-That's right.

What can I do for you today?

I got one of those patient-survey letters

and, what with my back, I figured I was overdue a visit.

So, can you describe your symptoms?

Pain. Crippling. Leaves me all hunched over. I can hardly move.

Right. Well, let's get your T-shirt off.

Stand up and we can have a look at it.

Ah!

So, how long have you had this pain?

I don't know. Six months?

And you're just coming in to see us now?

It's getting worse.

Right. Is it affecting your sleep?

Yeah, the pain wakes me up,

and in the morning, I can hardly move.

-And it gets better throughout the day?

-I suppose.

And what do you do for work?

-I work in IT.

-And where do you do that?

-Letherbridge System Solutions.

-Right.

-Have you noticed any muscle weakness?

-No.

-Any numbness? Any pins and needles?

-Not at all.

What about any other symptoms health-wise?

Sensitivity to light?

My eyes have started getting sore recently.

I see. And what about skin problems? Psoriasis?

-No. Why?

-I'm just trying to get the bigger picture.

-You can put your shirt back on.

-Er...could you?

All right.

Ah.

Huh!

There we go. I'm going to order you some blood tests.

Blood tests? How long's that going to take?

Oh, not very long. The nurse can do it.

Only, I don't want to be late for work.

You're going to work in the state you're in?

If you could give me something for the pain?

I don't think you should be going to work.

The drugs I'm going to prescribe make you drowsy.

You'll need to let your employer know.

And I'm going to refer you to a physiotherapist, but that could take weeks.

-With your back, the state that it's in...

-Thank you, Doctor.

All right.

The nurse's room is just through here. She's expecting you.

I'll give you a call when the blood tests arrive.

-Thanks again.

-And again, you're welcome.

Hi.

I think he might have AS.

Oh. What makes you think that?

We'll have to wait for the blood tests to come through,

but the symptoms pretty much say that.

I hope I'm wrong.

-Think of all the things he won't be able to do.

-Mm.

And you know what makes me really angry?

He was going to work, and the poor man can barely walk!

Oh. So, your moral outrage

has nothing to do with the fact that he's good-looking?

Is he? I hadn't noticed.

No? You walk all your patients to the nurse's room, don't you(?)

All my patients with ankylosing spondylitis.

You don't know that he's got that.

Daniel, when you know...you know.

-SHE SIGHS

-Come on.

-PHONE RINGS OUT

-Shall we go?

I'm just calling Shak.

Why? Karen's right, he'll call when he's ready.

So, what do you expect me to do, just give up?

Stop phoning him every five minutes. Let him call you.

And if he doesn't?

I don't know. Confiscate his phone?

-I can't do that.

-Why not? You pay for it.

If he's not mature enough to call you,

he's not mature enough to have a phone.

Now, are you ready for lunch or not?

Don't do this. Don't tell me how to bring up my kids.

-I'm not telling you how to bring up your kids.

-No. No, you're not.

Because I'm having lunch with someone else.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-You all right?

-Yeah. Just thinking about Mum.

-Have you been in touch with her since last week?

-No.

-It wouldn't be so hard if she wasn't just around the corner.

-Hm.

Maybe I should make an appointment with Megan. What's she like?

Yeah, she's OK.

She doesn't really tell you anything that you didn't already know.

Anyway, I'd better...

Right, I'm off. See you tomorrow.

Ooh! Are you going home?

Yes. I've got a paperwork afternoon. Why?

Can you take in a delivery for me?

Really? After what Sid went through last week?

They've texted and said they'll be there by 4:00.

-All right. What is it?

-That leather jacket.

It's nice to see her smile again.

-Mm, isn't it? Right, see you.

-Laters!

They've started doing artisan lunches.

Doesn't that just mean home-made?

-Hand-crafted.

-Hand-crafted bread?

And cheese.

-That's a sandwich.

-A bocadillo.

Oh!

Isn't that your pretty-boy patient from this morning?

The one whose back was so bad he could barely walk?

You had to walk him to the nurse's room. Huh!

-Zara!

-Hey!

-Zara! Zara!

You didn't have a bad back at all!

It is feeling a bit better.

-And what about work?

-What about work?

-I wrote you a note.

-What if you did?

I prescribed you painkillers!

Well, they must have worked, mustn't they?

Anyway, there's nothing you can do about it now, darling.

I prescribed you those drugs in good faith!

He is abusing the NHS!

Yes, he probably is, but if you report him,

that'll look like an error in judgment on your part.

Ohhh!

-Let's go.

-Like he says, there's probably not a great deal you can do.

LOW CHATTER

No?

OK.

MUSIC: Something Tells Me (Something's Gonna Happen Tonight) by Cilla Black

LOW CHATTER

OK. And do those things have special...?

OK, thank you. Thank you so much.

I've just been speaking to a man about house clearances.

Oh, very nice. Now, er...what about these?

Oh, hello, Pat Butcher!

-THEY LAUGH

-Nice!

Now, there must be some money to be made on this, huh?

Mrs Tembe, you've got a lot of skills...

But this is not...? You're right.

Whereas this...

Oh, now, that is very pretty!

It is, isn't it?

-That's going to get me a few bob for the wedding fund.

-Hm!

And this photograph is definitely Henry Connor?

When was he last at work?

I see.

And what about this other photograph that I e-mailed you?

Right.

What, never?

DOORBELL

Mm-hm!

Hi.

-Ayesha isn't here.

-It wasn't Eesh I came to see.

I wanted to apologise to you, and give you this.

-It's a rug, to replace the one I...

-Yes, I remember.

It's high pile.

What I did was wrong. It was disrespectful to you, and to Ayesha.

OK. Apology accepted.

Will you talk to her for me?

Oh, I see. That's what all this is about?

You want me to intervene on your behalf?

-She's my daughter, she needs me.

-No, she doesn't.

You can ruin your own life, but I am not going to help you ruin hers.

Will you just get her to call me?

Please!

If you want to help Ayesha, the best thing you can do is leave her alone.

Now, take your ghastly little rug and go.

SHE SIGHS

Yes, Zara, I do understand.

You think you've got a person who's impersonating a patient

in order to get prescription painkillers.

I don't just think it, I have.

Apart from the dishonesty, it's also a huge waste of NHS time.

Yeah, and police time.

-Excuse me?

-Well, he'll be wasting everyone's time.

Good. So I suggest you send a car down to the basketball court

at Rockcliffe Park.

Right. Is that where you saw him?

-Yes!

-I'll see what I can do.

I wouldn't hang around. He's not going to stay there all day, is he?

No, I'm sure he's not, but we are busy, as well.

-As I say...

-You'll see what you can do.

Of course you will(!)

Well, you have a very talented fiancee, Dr Carter.

-I wouldn't say that.

-It's a very fine piece.

She negotiated a very good price.

You should not underestimate your skills, Sister Hanif.

I wasn't telling you how to deal with Shak.

-Well, how does criticising me help?

-I wasn't criticising you.

Punishing him won't work.

Neither does indulging him.

Right, so we just have to wait until he comes around.

Well, how long? We can't wait forever.

SHE SIGHS

Mr Connor?

-Yeah.

-I'm Dr Carmichael.

Carmichael? What about Dr Artley?

-No. Who's Dr Artley?

-From Goose Grove.

I'm from the Mill Health Centre.

I left the Mill Health Centre a month ago. I'm at Goose Grove now.

Does that mean you haven't brought my prescription?

No. Why, what's wrong with you?

It's my back.

I'm sure it is.

And you're going to tell me you have problems with your eyes, too?

No.

Mr Connor, someone pretending to be you

got me to prescribe him painkillers this morning.

Well, I don't know anything about that.

Well, then, it seems to me that you are the victim of identity fraud.

Do you know this man?

You should go. Argh!

Are you all right?!

Yeah. It's fine, this helps. It'll go in a minute.

I'm going to have to report this to Goose Grove and the CCG.

-You're a doctor. Can't you just prescribe me something now?

-No.

And now I think it's highly unlikely that your new practice will either.

Well, they'll have to.

I can't go myself. I haven't left the house in two weeks.

-Where are you?

-I went to visit Henry Connor.

-Zara!

-And he's not the man I treated this morning.

-But he does have the same symptoms.

-You're kidding me?

The real Henry Connor just recently registered at Goose Grove Practice.

Right, so, somebody's trying to impersonate him?

Well, it looks like it.

I sent his photo around to other surgeries in Letherbridge and several recognised him,

but he's always registered under a slightly different name and address.

OK, well, just report it to the police.

I have. They are too busy.

OK. Well, what now, Miss Marple?

Not Miss Marple, Daniel. Sherlock.

-DOOR CLOSES

-Hello?

It's all right, it's only me.

They texted! I couldn't wait!

EMMA LAUGHS How's the paperwork going?

Oh, yeah, it's fine. Chris phoned.

I think we get on better now he's on the other side of the world.

-Seriously?

-Yeah. Sometimes, a bit of distance helps.

Come on, then, show me.

Ooh! Very sparkly!

Mm!

Hm!

Well, sexy lady!

I am SO never taking this off!

I think I'd better leave you two to it(!)

Ha!

-You?!

-I'll take that.

You will not!

Mr Connor? Are you there?

It's like playing basketball. You going to give me the pills, or what?

There is no way that I'm giving them to you.

In that case...

I found this. It looks brand-new. Did you throw it away?

Yes. I, er...I ordered it, I didn't like it.

-So, you threw it away?

-Yeah.

Why not just take it back?

Well, because, um...I ordered it online.

There's usually a returns policy.

I bought it from a private seller, so...

What about a charity shop?

Oh! No-one would want that.

-Why not?

-Because who would?

Well, I kind of like it, so if you don't want it, I'd be happy...

You know what? I'd rather not have it in the house.

Why not?

Emma? Why not?

-You went round there?

-Yes.

And the person who has been pretending to be Henry Connor

-was round at Henry's house.

-And what was he doing there?

Well, I don't know what he was doing there,

but what I do know is that he has been doctor-shopping.

Go on, what's doctor-shopping?

It's registering at lots of different surgeries

in order to get your hands on more and more prescription drugs.

Have the other surgeries said they've seen the same man you did?

Yes. I sent them all a picture.

But the real Henry Connor can barely move.

What do we think the impersonator is doing with these drugs?

I don't know. He's certainly not giving them to Henry. The poor man's in agony.

Yeah. It would be nice if we could get some evidence

that he was trying to sell them on.

Look, I realise that you have far more important things to do,

but if you could just go round there...

Zara?

-Zara?

-He's here.

-Where?

-At the Mill.

Who is?

-Why did she come?

-She said she wanted to talk to you.

Why? Has something happened? Is she OK?

Well, she seemed fine. As fine as she ever is.

Because if something's wrong, I need to know.

Come on, when is there ever something not wrong?

-Was she clean?

-Look, sober or not, it's not going to last.

-So she was.

-Drugs, or no drugs,

I am not going to be party to her ruining your life.

-You're just as bad as Tyler.

-Oh, please!

Hiding things from me, thinking you know what's best.

-Because I know what she can do to you!

-It's none of your business!

It is when she keeps invading my house!

-She's my mum.

-Well, I'm a mother, too!

To a son who you can only get on with when he's 10,000 miles away!

You haven't got a maternal bone in your body!

I beg your pardon?

Hurts, doesn't it?

Well...now you sound just like her.

I can't be here any more.

Ayesha?

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

SHE SIGHS

How did you get here?

Um...he said he had an appointment.

I-I heard you saying you were bringing my prescription round.

-And what about...?

-He didn't see.

Um...he was on the phone. Can I have the tablets now, please?

Mr Connor, a man has been using your name and address

to obtain prescription medication.

Can we talk about this afterwards?

Which is why I cannot prescribe you any medicine.

-But you brought the pills to my house.

-Yes.

Before I knew that the person pretending to be you

had access to your property.

-Is that right?

-Oh, hello again.

-What you doing here?

-I'm here to pick up my brother.

Oh, your brother?! Stop that! Stop that this instant!

Let him go! Let him go!

This man has been impersonating his brother

in order to obtain prescription medication.

So I picked up a prescription, so what?

You don't deny it, then?

I helped my brother out one time, you going to lock me up for that?

Except it wasn't just once, was it?

You've been doing this all over Letherbridge.

Go on, tell them.

Oh, don't tell me that you're going to take the rap for this?

Oh-oh-oh! OK! All right!

ZARA SIGHS

On the bed.

He seemed like such a nice boy.

Honestly, you can't tell who to trust these days.

-Thank you. You can leave us.

-Thank you.

Can you give me something for the pain?

I haven't even examined you yet!

So...describe your symptoms to me.

I've got a bad back.

Look, I get tired.

Sometimes I can barely even move.

And is this worse at any particular time of day?

Mornings. And then it eases up.

That's why I was able to walk in just now.

But you're in pain again now?

Because I'm not used to the exercise.

Unlike your brother.

He described having exactly the same symptoms.

-So, why should I believe you?

-You can see I'm not faking!

You were about to bring me painkillers!

He mentioned having pain in his eyes and sensitivity to light.

Did he?

Are these symptoms that you have?

-No.

-So, what, he was making those up?!

Look...

-Is there something that you're not telling me?

-No!

Just...that our dad had a bad back, too.

-The same symptoms?

-Yeah.

They thought it was sciatica.

Do you think that's what I've got, as well?

Was his back as bad as yours is now?

Worse.

Why? What do you think it is?

I'm going to have to take some blood tests,

but from what you're describing,

it sounds as if you have a condition known as ankylosing spondylitis.

Ankle-what?

Inflammation of the spine.

It's chronic and hereditary.

Which means it isn't going to go away.

Which means that you have to stop your brother doing what he's doing.

-I can't.

-Why not?

-Because he needs me!

Needs you? He is stealing your medication and leaving you in agony!

Our mum left!

Then Dad died. He...he walked in front of a bus.

I am so sorry.

I'm all Bray's got.

Well, that may be, but you need to tell the truth.

Otherwise, you're going to be taking the blame

for a crime you didn't commit.

Can you just give me something?

The house-clearance guy said you could get some real bargains.

-He's given me a contact.

-Oh. I-I see.

Yeah. So when I mentioned I was getting married,

I needed to get some money together,

he gave me some tips on how to get the best high-value items.

Well...well, that will come in very helpful, I'm sure.

-There was, um...there was something else.

-Right.

I wanted to ask you if...

And I completely understand if you say no, you know, given the circumstances.

JJ.

JJ?

Sister Hanif, really, I am fine.

So, er...Mrs Tembe...

..Winifred...

..I wanted to ask you if you'd be my matron of honour?

Sister Hanif!

When I see you and Dr Carter,

I know that you two are perfect for each other.

Thank you.

I would be honoured to be your matron of honour!

Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you!

And I want you to know that I would have given you these

whether you had agreed or not.

-Ta-da!

-Oh, no!

THEY LAUGH

-IMITATES PAT BUTCHER:

-Hello, Frank!

-Oh! I promise not to wear them to the wedding!

-Good!

THEY LAUGH

-They are awful!

-They are really ugly.

-I love them. Thank you.

-THEY LAUGH

Sergeant Hollins?

Mr Connor has something which he'd like to say to you.

Haven't you?

Henry?

Bray had nothing to do with it, it was me.

Huh! You'll have to come and watch me again sometime.

You like basketball, don't you?

Come to think of it, I didn't see that much basketball being played.

Too busy watching the players?

In a manner of speaking.

You mentioned selling the drugs on.

What do you think of this photograph?

Oh, yes. I see what you mean.

Don't even think about it! Stay there!

Well, maybe if you'd used the basketball court for playing basketball

rather than dealing, you might've been a little faster.

He's already said it was him who got the painkillers.

Seriously, H, what's the point in me getting locked up?

They'll look after you inside!

That's enough. Get him in the car.

Actually, there is just one more thing.

You're going to need to get your blood-test results.

I'll pass them on to your next GP, if you can find one.

Why would I bother?

Because people with a close relative who has ankylosing spondylitis

are three times more likely to develop the condition

than those who haven't.

-With what?

-The back problem.

Then there's the sore eyes.

That's how it started for Dad, too.

I'm going to get it, too?

Yeah. Maybe.

I'm sorry.

It's a shame.

I wonder if he'd like anyone to write to him in prison?

-WHISPERS: Valerie! WHISPERS:

-I'm just saying.

Bren!

-Eesh!

-I was just coming to see you.

-Are you OK?

-Yeah.

Why did you come round?

To say sorry.

I told you to stay away.

Not just to you.

To Emma?

To everyone.

You, Emma.

-And to get Karl's new address.

-Karl's?

She didn't mention that.

I want to see how he's getting on.

What did she say?

Oh! She said it was "ghastly".

She's only looking out for you.

She didn't even tell me you'd come round.

I like it.

I like your jacket.

It's new.

Shows off your figure.

-You think?

-Definitely.

And I love your hair like that.

You look great.

-So do you.

-Oh!

You know, I try me best!

Oh!

BREN SOBS

I've been up all night, OK? I-I can't...I can't give any more!

-Waste of time!

-Oi!

What have you got yourself into?

It feels very real to me.

Ruhma, darling, can you ring me?

I think we've created a monster.