Betrothed Doctors

I thought the theme for Ruhma's hen night was the 1980s.

You know, bright colours, big hair...

These shoulder pads will have to do.

To tell you truth, I have never understood this ritual.

What, the hen party?

It's either an innocent expression of femininity

or a rampant orgy of hedonism, Mrs Tembe. You take your pick.

Yeah, well, I am determined that Sister Hanif has an enjoyable evening,

despite the tensions between some members of staff.

Are you sure you're going to be all right on your own?

It's fine. It's dinner time and I'm Hank Marvin,

but... No, I'll deal with the last few.

And Mr Cooke.

What?

I had a call from him earlier.

Well, he wanted to see you at short notice.

And as you are running behind, I thought it would be fine.

And he seemed very concerned.

Well, Luke always does.

He will come in with a plethora of symptoms and there's never anything wrong with him.

A five-minute consultation and I'll work my magic with him. Go on.

Have a boogie for me.

To '80s music? I think not!

Hello. Can I place an order for delivery, please?

MUSIC: A Little Respect by Erasure

Yeah!

You look fantastic!

So, Ruhma, no traditional "L" plates, then?

Well...

Ladies, you look amazing.

Ooh! A private room! Very swish!

This way we avoid the riff-raff.

Out, Valerie!

Right, ladies, your challenge for this evening is...

You have to complete these by the end of the evening.

Oh, I used to love these. It's really easy, though.

All you do is, you take them apart and then you rebuild it, solved.

It used to be my party piece in the '80s.

Mrs Tembe!

Ah, you are back here. You all look wonderful.

It's great that you've arrived.

Now this party can really get started.

Absolutely. I would like to buy you all cocktails.

Sea breeze, if that is agreeable?

Oh, yes, absolutely!

Mrs Tembe offering to buy a round?

Now my world has rocked on its axis.

Well, no, she's a bit of a party animal on the quiet.

On the very quiet.

Oh, damn it!

Hey, you, no phones. This is supposed to be your party!

I know, I know.

But tonight's money spinner for the wedding fund, it's a big one

and time's running out and the bids are crap.

OK, OK, hang on. What website are you on?

-That one.

-Right.

-What are you doing?

I'm going to get your bid up.

Really?

Just you watch me.

Yes!

TV ON

'Give me my wallet! Crooks, that's what you are - both of you, crooks!

'How much does he want to give you?

-'Well, 300 dollars.

-300. You had yourself quite a time!

'I'll get the sheriff, that's what I'll do.

'Thank you...

'We'll run the two of you out of town!

'Goodnight!

'Why don't you mind your own business?'

-There we go. See you in a couple of weeks, yeah?

-Cheers, doc.

That was quick!

I thought you'd be another half an hour at least.

You don't want it?

No, no, I want it.

Right, you take card, yeah?

No.

The other dude, he takes card.

Well, I'm not the other dude.

No, but...

you're the other woman.

Perceptive, aren't you?

10.50.

Yeah, I'm not sure I've got the cash on me.

No cash, no curry.

No, I want the curry. Let me go and raid the old petty cash.

You wait here.

I need to see Dr Haskey.

Are... Are you OK?

No...

It's working. I've been outbid.

I know, but it's not enough!

Don't worry. I'll up the ante.

Hey, you're here!

What in the name of all that's holy is that?

It is a sea breeze.

More like a wet slap!

It is fruity, it is tasty, it is refreshing.

Maybe, but, you know, there's something missing.

Well, I think it is tastier without the alcohol.

Oh, that explains it!

So, now it's a party.

Shouldn't you be going?

Soon.

You said 10.50?

-What the hell are you doing?

-Tape. Any kind. Quickly!

What?

I need to seal the wound!

He walked in and collapsed. Spontaneous pneumothorax.

Now get me some tape quickly!

Ta...

Quickly!

There!

Call an ambulance.

Ambulance, please.

Who are you? How did you know to do this?

Just a lucky guess.

Yeah, right!

You need to tell them to look for BHD.

What's BHD?

Birt-Hogg-Dube syndrome. I need to go.

The curry's on me.

No, no, no - absolutely not! There is no way I'm letting you leave.

I've got to get back to work.

I have no idea what you just did to him!

I saved his life.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, this is Dr Haskey at the Campus Surgery.

I've got a patient collapsed. Suspected pneumothorax.

Listen, when the paramedics get here, you're coming with us

to St Phil's. Or do I need to call the police?

Well, thankfully, I have ordered alcoholic Long Island Iced Teas.

Is that very strong?

No, it's just spirits.

-Five different spirits.

-In the same glass.

Oh, now it's a party!

Raise your glasses, ladies. Here is to the bride-to-be!

To Sister Hanif!

I can't feel my feet!

And now, let the games begin!

Pin the bowtie on Heston!

You're a surgeon. You must be.

I was. In my country.

Then why are you working as a delivery driver?

Oh.

You in the country illegally?

OK, right, you need to talk me through the procedure

and more importantly, what you diagnosed him with -

what was it again?

Birt-Hogg-Dube syndrome. Why do you need to know?

Because if you don't want to blow your cover,

I have to be the one that did this and I have to get it right

because this is my career on the line. OK, do you understand that?

-Dr Haskey?

-Yeah, how is he?

Alive, thanks to you. I'm Dede Lawal. Pretty fancy meds.

Well done.

Oh, it was nothing.

No, it really wasn't.

A few millimetres either way

and we'd be having a totally different conversation.

Well, you know, the training kicks in, doesn't it?

Instinct...you know.

Oh, this is...

Amira.

Amira, she's his girlfriend. Mr Cooke's girlfriend.

Yes. Yes, I am.

She was there when it happened.

OK, well, he's fine now, and you can see him in a little while.

I will need a full report on what you did tonight.

-Course you will. That's not a problem.

-OK.

His girlfriend?!

I didn't know what else to say, did I?

THEY SHOUT

Megan!

Finally!

Sorry I'm late. What are we all drinking?

Long Island iced teas.

Or, or perhaps you would like a non-alcoholic sea breeze?

A round of Long Islands, please.

Don't you all look amazing?

So do you. You look positively glowing.

Oh, well, you can do a lot with concealer.

Or a new man? Come on, what's his name?

Oy, oy, secret romance, is it?

I'm not going to tell you his name, so you can stop asking.

Ruhma, how are you?

Classic change of subject.

Has Shak said anything about the wedding yet?

No. I'm just letting him get on with it.

He'll either be there, or he won't. Excuse me.

Nicely done.

What?

Why didn't you just tell us his name?

Because it's none of your business!

Look, I still don't understand how I'm supposed to have diagnosed BHD so quickly.

It's a very rare condition,

but I've seen it before so I knew what to look for.

Spontaneous pneumothorax and fibrofolliculoma.

Pale or flesh-coloured tumours.

Fibrofolliculoma, I know, but... I'm sorry, this isn't going to work.

We have to tell the truth.

We can't. Please. You promised.

It's not going to work.

Look, I enjoy being a doctor,

I don't want to lose my job. Our immigration system is famously slow.

By the time they'd actually get round to deporting you,

you could have a strong case to stay.

My right to remain expired several months ago.

I cannot go home.

I want to more than anything in the world, but...I cannot.

Why not?

I worked at the hospital, tending the wounded.

The militia made an example.

My husband, my parents, my son.

They will do the same to me if I return.

Ruhma, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

It's not you. It's Shak.

Sometimes I just wish it would get a bit easier.

I'm not asking for a miracle!

I guess no matter how old your kids are,

it's still the hardest thing in the world to be a parent,

but what would I know?

Sorry, that's not very helpful, is it?

I'll tell you what... You can make it up to me.

-How?

-Tell me the identity of this new man.

Let's go and dance, shall we? Yeah.

He's awake.

Still a bit groggy, but you can see him now.

I can?

-Yes!

-OK, great.

One of our specialists has concurred on your diagnosis on the BHD

and we've sent off some bloods for a genetic test.

Good call.

Thank you.

It's a rare one, isn't it? How did you spot it?

Well, the thing is... fibrofolliculoma.

And you knew that spontaneous pneumothorax...

Yeah, it's one of the symptoms. I'd seen it before. Once.

Well, I've explained to him

that he has an increased risk of kidney cancer.

Yeah, what did he say to that?

-Well, he kind of took it as well as you can imagine.

-Yeah.

It's good that his girlfriend's here.

Yeah, yeah. It is, yeah.

So, are you coming in?

Me? I don't think so.

I'm sure Mr Cooke would like to thank you for saving his life.

Yeah, I bet Mr Cooke has got something to say.

TV PLAYS

I don't know how to thank you.

It's all part of the service.

We always said that stress would get me in the end, eh?

It wasn't stress, Luke.

No, I know. I've got some kind of syndrome.

-Birt-Hogg-Dube.

-Which means I might get kidney cancer, right?

It's something we need to keep a lookout for but it's not a foregone conclusion.

I'm sorry, but...I don't know who you are.

I'm Amira.

Your face looks familiar, but...

You've had a shock. Amira is your girlfriend.

OK.

Hello?

Hello.

BEEPING

I've got to go. I'll be back.

You'll be OK now.

Right. This has to end.

How d'you mean?

Just a second, Luke. I'm really sorry for your situation,

but we're just spinning lie after lie and the more we lie,

the worse it's going to get, yeah? The truth will eventually come out.

Please, don't!

Wait! I'm really confused. What's going to come out?

What's going on?

We have to tell him the truth.

Emma! You're winning!

Winning what?

It's an hour to go and you're the highest bid!

-But I don't want...

-It's for a good cause!

-I only...

-Call it a wedding present!

Oh, this is hopeless! Right, OK.

The next competition is a moonwalking contest.

Yeah!

No, please, no - the moonwalking is not my forte.

Come on, Mrs Tembe!

Oh, Nurse Lee, I hear your mother is doing much better?

Thanks for asking, Mrs T.

For your information, yes, she's doing really well and she's sober.

Not that anyone cares.

I am sure that is not the case.

Well, you say that but we're trying to stop the council evicting

Mum and her friend and you should see the way we're being treated for peacefully protesting.

Especially by your husband.

Right. I'm just going for a dance.

If you can't take the heat...

-Yeah, yeah.

-Come on, Ayesha!

What - are you going to judge me now?

-Just like you judge everybody else?

-That's not fair.

This is neither the time nor the place.

And don't you start! Your whole life's one big judgement fest.

No wonder you two are bosom buddies all of a sudden.

You're both stuck-up,

you're both happy with your uber comfortable lives,

with your uber comfortable...

All right, that's enough!

But what about this moonwalking competition? Miss Pitman?

Yes, you've changed your tune. Come on, let's all try it!

I will join you in a moment.

Good idea, Mrs Tembe.

You don't want to mix with the upper classes.

OK, this is Ruhma's night,

and you would do well to remember that.

Now it's a party.

I pretended to be your girlfriend!

I'm happy to keep pretending if it helps.

You don't have to do that for me.

I want to.

No, no, no, no - enough is enough.

I have no intention of getting myself struck off tonight!

All I wanted was a curry!

We're going to stop with these lies. We're going to tell the truth and we're going to face

the consequences that come when you tell the truth.

Tell what truth, Dr Haskey?

MUSIC: Respectable by Mel and Kim

Nurse Lee, you don't seem to be enjoying the party.

I am a little concerned.

Don't worry, Mrs T, I can handle my drink.

No, I mean the strain of being reunited with your mother.

Yeah, it's a bit intense, yeah. That and living with Al. I mean,

he's great and everything but I'm just not sleeping very much.

It is such a shame that you and Dr Reid are no longer talking.

You used to be such good friends.

Not any more.

Seriously, I cannot believe how... heartless she is.

I think... I think...

I'm going to be sick, Mrs T!

As you young people say, now it is a party.

So, are you trying to tell me that you didn't perform the procedure?

Um... What am I trying to tell you? A bit.

Amira, she assisted me, didn't you?

Yes, because I used to work in medicine before I came to this country,

so, you see, when Luke started showing symptoms today I knew that it had to be...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I said, didn't I, darling,

that I was feeling... I wasn't feeling good and then you said I should come and see the doctors.

-I think I've heard enough.

-Well, no, hang on...

Enough. Do I look like a complete idiot?

Idiot's a strong word.

Then let me tell you all I know and we can go from there, OK?

Dr Haskey, I'm sure that you are a terrific doctor,

but you've never performed a chest drain and before tonight you hadn't even heard of BHD.

And Luke, this woman is definitely not your girlfriend.

So, the question is - why are these men putting themselves at risk just to cover for you?

I can explain.

No. I can't let you protect me any more.

I'm a surgeon but my refugee status has expired.

I am illegal. I was there when Luke collapsed.

I performed the chest drain. I diagnosed BHD.

Thank you.

Why don't you two step outside?

Amira.

I'm sorry.

You did nothing wrong.

For what it's worth,

I really enjoyed being your boyfriend for an hour.

Me, too.

You're going to be OK.

You're in very good hands.

Excuse me.

She saved my life. Please don't give her up.

TV STILL PLAYS

What a fine mess you two have created.

You have to admire its complexity.

No, I really don't! You two have put me in a really difficult position.

Well, strictly speaking, you don't need to report this, do you?

No.

But somebody needs to be accountable for the out-of-surgery procedure.

If I don't report it and something goes wrong...

I don't want you to get into trouble over me.

I'm sorry. I can imagine what you've been through, but...

I know.

If I call the police,

can I have your assurance that you won't try and run?

Come on, you don't have to ask.

Yes, she does.

I've been running for far too long.

I'll be here.

I appreciate that.

Why don't you go and wait with Mr Cooke?

I'm sure he'd like more time to get to know his girlfriend.

Oh, and by the way, that was an extraordinarily brave thing you did.

You must be an excellent surgeon.

I am.

Now, we both know, you don't need to report this. You said yourself...

She saved his life.

I can understand her situation. My parents were refugees.

But it doesn't change anything.

If someone queries this, you and I could lose our jobs tonight.

There must be something we can do.

Well, it's funny. There is something...something I was

thinking ever since I figured out what was going on with you lot.

Out of interest, when was that, exactly?

Oh, about five minutes after you arrived.

Have you ever seen the movie Green Card?

Green Card. Peter Weir, 1990. It won two Golden Glo...

Oh, wow, green card...

Mrs Tembe?

Yes, yes, I am here.

Ooh, crikey. Looks like you were right about those cocktails.

Yes, well, I take no satisfaction in that thought.

Anyway, Ruhma is looking for you.

She wants you to come and dance.

She says if you two are the only sober ones it's up to you

to prove how much fun you can have without booze.

Yes, well, I am a little bit busy at the moment.

To be honest, I'm ready to go home and it looks like Ayesha is done,

so why don't I take her in a cab with me?

Well, if you are happy to do so?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Well, I... Well, I gratefully accept.

Never, ever again.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

Oh!

I've only gone and...

No-one will ever believe me, anyway!

There's been an awful mistake.

It's just that we've been so busy what with moving in together, and everything.

And when my right to remain expired I just completely forgot because...

-She forgot because I've been ill - it's my fault.

-No.

Amira has been so worried and we've been so busy, what with the wedding stuff...

And you promise you're going to send the wedding invitation, yeah?

You got it, Doc.

You got it. It's an honest mistake. It completely slipped our minds, didn't it, babe?

That's right. Is there anything we can do?

Oh, Mrs Tembe! Mrs Tembe! Come on, I'm celebrating.

I've sold it to Emma! Emma?

Emma! It's yours.

No, I don't want it!

I'll help you sell it! For a fee!

Sister Hanif, I am so sorry about the tensions this evening.

What tension? Oh, I'm enjoying myself.

I am going to enjoy myself tonight,

tomorrow and every day of my married life.

Well, I will drink to that.

Oh, Mrs Tembe, that's the Long Island Iced Tea.

Oh. Yes, well, between you and me, it is very refreshing!

Cheers.

OK, now is when it starts - the interviews and the checks -

you've got a lot of work to do to convince them to let Amira stay.

We're ready. We'll do it.

I don't know how to thank you.

Don't thank me. He's the one who's offered to marry you.

I still can't believe it.

I bring nothing to your life but trouble.

Look, I've known you for precisely four hours and it's been easily

the best four hours of my life.

So, I'll take that over my usual, boring existence.

Wow. And they say romance is dead.

But...we're not even dating or anything.

I just don't know if we can... if I can...

I'm not asking you for a relationship.

I'm not asking you for anything. I just want to help you.

Everything else is for the future.

And that right there, that's the start of a beautiful friendship.

I'm going to leave you to it.

Thanks, Dr Haskey.

Please, call me Al.

No. Thank you, Al.

It was a real honour to meet you.

Hey.

That was a really good suggestion about the two of them.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Me, neither.

Do you think they'll get away with it?

Who knows?

After everything she's been through

and everything he's about to go through, at least they have each other.

Yeah. You going home?

Food first. I'm starving.

Me, too.

Would it be all right if I was to buy you a curry?

Make up for all that deceit today?

Sounds good.

It's not every day you encounter Birt-Hogg-Dube syndrome.

MUSIC: Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Come on, Mrs Tembe!

-No.

-What?!

TV: 'Tonight, car crash hell on the roads...'

David!

Uh!

One, two, three...

HE GASPS

Watch out!

SCREAMING

Stop playing games and wasting everybody's time!

-She looked at me the other day...

-Yeah.

-..and she said,

"I was an idiot when I married you."

Ooh! What did you say?

I said, "You still are!"

This is ridiculous!

They haven't paid attention to any of our objections.

Rob?