When Barry Met Sally Doctors

What?!

Hey!

I'd say this one's flown its last mission.

I've got this, if you fancy an upgrade.

Thanks.

Need a hand?

-No, I'm fine.

-Er, what are you studying?

-Psychology.

-Ah! No school like the old school, eh?

The handwritten essay.

I always said computers were never going to catch on.

Right, one supermarket carrier bag. Honourably retired!

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you, too.

-Sally.

-Ah, Sally. I'm er, Barry, Sally.

-Thanks, Barry.

-Gail?

-Sorry, Barry. Got to go.

Gail! Well, you could have stopped her!

-CRASH

-Kettle.

Coffee.

And then conversation.

I take it I can't interest you in a custard cream?

I have just spent two hours at home,

trying to decipher last month's patient audit.

The last thing I need is a custard cream!

How was your break? Nice and relaxing?

It was lovely, actually.

The best thing was watching Joe with my father. Mutually besotted.

They made a tissue paper hot-air balloon which, incidentally,

actually flew.

Aw.

-And then I spent most of yesterday with Letherbridge Police.

-Yes, well.

The pressure's on now. It's a murder case.

It boiled down to me working on an e-fit.

And then a completely pointless interview.

I could have strangled the man in charge! Some guy called Stanton.

-DI Stanton?

-Oh, Emma, you are kidding me!

-Oh, I have to admit, I do find him rather sexy.

-Bleurgh.

And he's supposed to be very good. Recently transferred

-from Manchester, apparently.

-Well, lucky Letherbridge(!)

What with the undrinkable coffee, unbelievably hard chairs,

and the unending list of searching questions,

our first date left a little to be desired.

Gail!

No, it's fine, Michaela. You don't want to mark it. Leave it.

I didn't say I wasn't going to mark it. Let's go back to my office.

-Forget it. I crashed the deadline.

-Look, Gail, I'm sorry.

You've completely got the wrong end of this.

I said you were late, that's all.

Yes, you did crash the deadline,

but I did not say I wasn't going to mark it.

We're not at school. It's a university.

-Yeah, and you're not the enemy!

-So why the attitude?

Cos I'm sick of it, yeah? I'm sick of the whole place, actually.

I'm sick of lectures, sick of seminars!

Sick of all this lot looking down their noses!

And you can stop staring and all, you stuck-up cow,

-cos I'm getting sick of you!

-Gail, just give me the essay.

What's your problem, Bigfoot? Next time you kick someone, apologise!

I'm out of here! I quit! And what you laughing at?!

-Oh...

-You all think you're so cool!

Yeah, so cool! So who's laughing now?!

Yeah, come on, with your stupid man bun!

Gail, stop!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! All right, hang on. Where's the fire?

FIRE ALARM SOUNDS

Right! Everybody out!

I must say, it's very impressive.

Oh!

Impressed?

That's exactly what Careers Without Limits wants you to feel.

Katie Gershowitz. Mission Facilitator.

-Hello. Dr Vere.

-Hi.

Um, this is Mrs Tembe, our amazing practice manager.

I hope you do not mind me being here,

I just wanted to offer Dr Vere a little support.

Oh, absolutely, Mrs Tembe.

We are all humble servants, doing what

we can to help marginalised kids into the professions.

We're ambassadors for hope and challenging inequality.

Now, if I can put that into plain

and simple English, I would simply say, Konichiwa!

Where did she buy these?

I don't know. A book shop?

-I'm looking for Michaela.

-I'm Michaela.

Michaela Long. I'm Gail's tutor.

-And was it you who saw her smash the fire alarm?

-No, that was both of us.

So, what happened?

Her name is Gail Tate. She completely lost it.

Are you sure that's her name? She told me her name was Sally.

Gail's one of my first year psychology students.

She came to see me first thing this morning,

having spent all night on this.

Which should have been in yesterday and online.

I tried to explain I'd still mark it,

but in passing mentioned that she'd missed the deadline.

-Next thing I know...

-World War III.

And did she also get kicked? Maybe by accident?

I mean, is this about an essay? Or that guy?

Actually, it's about neither.

It's about Gail.

She's arrived here with nothing - and I do mean absolutely nothing -

by way of background, parental support.

-I do hope you're not pleading poverty as an explanation.

-No!

Of course I'm not! I'm suggesting she's under pressure.

She's got a zero hours cleaning job.

She's surrounded by kids who've got everything. OK, so she flipped.

She shouldn't have done it.

But she was up all night. Maybe she was tired.

Yes, and maybe there's another explanation for how she's

funding her education.

And why she lied to me about her name.

Stolen to order. I'm not accusing her,

but we're currently investigating thefts

from the university book shop.

You really think she might be involved in theft?

Well, she fits the description we've seen circulated.

Medium height, brown hair, between 18 and 21 years old.

-Last seen doing a degree, perhaps?

-All right, OK, I get the picture.

How about you help me track her down?

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

Hi. Um, what would you say if I said I needed a favour?

-I would suggest you start the bidding at a gin and tonic.

-OK.

I have an emergency care meeting that has just been confirmed,

but I have a patient that I don't want to cancel.

Toby Moss - schizophrenic and has a habit of coming off his meds.

So that'll be a very large gin and tonic.

Thank you.

The police are going to swing by the university book shop,

just to check we've got our facts straight.

Apparently, she's in halls, so I'm heading over there now,

-just to take a look.

-What then, deputy?

Ride up and lasso her?

She's damaged university property.

So, we need to make an example of her.

I didn't say that.

This is a stereotypical authoritarian response to

a culturally isolated student,

reinforcing a deficit construction that's already normative!

That's easy for you to say.

Is there anything underneath that uniform? Or are you just like this?

If you'll excuse me, I've got a job to do.

So, I'm going to put my qualified image consultant's hat on.

I think you need to have an image in your head before we start

photographing you.

OK, so we're trying to suggest that young people should

believe in their real potential, yeah?

I was thinking zorb balling down Everest. Or freefalling!

-Down Everest...?

-Well, whatever. You are a superhero!

Banishing inequality!

Yeah, but I think there's a bit more to minority-ethnic kids

achieving than me discovering my inner hero.

There's the unfair distribution of opportunities, for a start.

Hold that focus!

-And I would like to talk about immigration, if I can?

-Immigration?

Well, yeah, it's overseas workers who prop up the NHS.

It's a bit off message.

Politically speaking.

What with all this Brexit and well...there's been

so much focus on immigration.

Careers Without Limits breaks down barriers. Let's concentrate on that.

TOILET FLUSHES

Make yourself at home.

-I'm leaving anyway.

-You do understand that this is serious?

What am I looking at, seriously? A couple of bits of crockery?

Some drippy kids?

-The fire alarm's criminal damage.

-No, the fire alarm was an accident.

-Even if that was true, it doesn't end there.

-What have I done now?

Stolen someone's skipping rope?

Rifled the piggy bank?

OK, so I'm so wrong - why tell me your name is Sally?

What's wrong with Sally?

I don't know. Kneejerk reaction? Don't trust people in uniform.

Well, my advice is come clean to the police. Tell them why you did it.

I can see from the way you're living it's not been easy.

There's not a lot of money, I can tell that.

-Just by the way you're dressed.

-What?

I mean, working till all hours and still being on your uppers,

-that's one thing.

-What you on about?

These are stolen from the university book shop.

Stolen to order, am I right?

Yeah. You are right.

-You're right out of order.

-Well, go on, then. Make me a liar.

How many books, Barry? Two earlier? Five here?

How many books on the receipt? Seven.

Every spare penny I've got. Are you right now?

You know what? I thought you were different.

And before you start talking about me, take a look at yourself.

Shove your books, stick your university,

and while you're up there, find room for that!

-Wait a minute. Wait!

-Sorry, you blew it. Ancient history.

Anyway, I need the loo.

-She's not been thieving.

-Where is she?

-Said she needed the toilet.

What, and you believed her? Mike, out the front.

Very nice.

Really professional.

What do you think, Mrs T?

Do you think Dr Vere has discovered a new career?

Well, I sincerely hope not. Dr Vere is a dedicated young doctor.

A credit to the NHS.

-Thanks, Mrs Tembe.

-It is a pleasure to work with him as a colleague.

How about we get shots of both of you?

You know, like two colleagues working together,

chatting about...bladder control. You know, that kind of thing.

-Well, no, that is not what I meant.

-No? Oh, come on! It'll be fun!

I mean, imagine you've received a message saying all NHS

staff are going to get pay rises!

Yes, well, no-one has that good an imagination!

Oh, come on, Mrs T, you don't want to miss out on all the excitement.

I can tell you spent a fortune getting your hair done.

-I am not as photogenic as Dr Vere.

-Oh, don't do yourself down!

You are exactly what we need!

Looking good, girlfriend! Work it!

Zara, that's your 12:15, Toby Moss.

Now, um, he was a bit of a handful last time

and Emma had to calm him down.

Seems OK today, but I just thought you should know.

Thanks, Valerie.

Mr Moss?

I'm Dr Carmichael. If you'd like to go through?

I thought we'd change things up a bit.

Yeah, but doctors don't wear white coats any more,

unless you want me to look like a lab technician.

Oh, the swinging face of the NHS!

Ooh, cheeky boy!

Have you, er, quite finished with me?

Oh, it's technical difficulties. We are not neglecting you.

No, I am happy to be neglected.

In fact, I am not sure why I am here. Dr Vere is your guest speaker.

Oh, well, it's good for Dr Vere to interact with someone.

Someone that's, um...

What...?

Black?

Well, I, um, didn't mean... No, I didn't mean...

You do work well together, particularly on this course,

because you're both...

What?

Black?

-Right...

-Well, I'm not black.

-No, he is not black.

-You're not black?

No, I am black. He is in fact of dual heritage.

And you are going a very interesting shade of pink.

Um, look at the time.

Er, I appreciate that, Mrs Tembe.

Anyway, there's tea and coffee over there. Help yourself.

I need to go and check on the hall.

Well, let's hope there is black coffee.

I'd finish reading.

There's another ten minutes before your coach leaves.

Don't panic. I'm here incognito.

I er...thought you might be looking for this.

There's something I wanted to say to you as well, if I'm honest.

I felt that I owed you an apology.

Is everything all right? Only, Mr Moss left in a bit of a hurry.

That's because I wouldn't give him what he asked for.

He wanted to change his medication,

but eventually I persuaded him not to.

-Oh, well, this was left for you on the desk.

-Fan mail?

Lucky me.

What is it?

We should report this to Mrs Tembe.

And say what? There were these three skeletons...?

It's probably just Mr Moss, cross that I ignored him.

Do you really think so?

Well, how should I know? Three scary skeletons!

Who cares?

TELEPHONE RINGS

So, why did you do it? You look at me and you see nothing but trouble.

Prejudice.

Straight line thinking.

Authoritarian personality.

I'm a security guard.

After a while, the job starts to get to you.

Didn't someone once say once that we'll never invent robots

that think and behave like people cos it's so much easier

and cheaper to get people to behave like robots?

So why apologise now?

Well,

I was young, too...

..once.

Briefly.

I mean, I never tried for university, not like you have,

but I can see that it can't be easy.

The university can help, you know, if you need money.

Money's not the issue.

I've got money, I'm just not spending it.

It's not that I can't afford things.

I don't need all that crap that they all cart around.

I write with pen and paper cos it's cheaper.

I don't want a laptop,

some stupid student loan that I'm going to be paying off till I'm 93.

I'm happy with what I've got.

So what was all that in the cafeteria?

You wouldn't understand it.

Don't try.

I do know what people say, though.

Leave something behind, like a bus ticket,

means you don't really want to go.

Don't people also say we faked the Moon landings?

I think you care too much.

You don't understand it.

What I don't understand is why you'd just walk away.

-I mean, all that effort, you're just going to wreck it.

-Got my reasons.

Can I take a guess?

Things have started to get on top of you.

Tell me this is my fear of failure, I'm going to smack you.

No, I never mentioned fear of failure.

Who's telling you it's that?

Someone at uni? A friend?

Michaela.

It's Michaela.

-Is she right?

-Yeah, she's dead right.

Only not for the reasons she thinks.

OK, so don't say I didn't warn you.

When was the last time you nicked a milk float?

See? I told you.

You won't understand this.

I nicked a milk float once when I was 11.

I got to the end of the street and hit a bollard, nothing broken,

maybe some plastic.

I legged it.

And never got caught.

What I remember was the bollard coming towards me.

It crept up on me.

And the more I tried to avoid it, the more I looked at it and

the more I looked at it, the more I couldn't get out of the way.

So, er, you're trying to avoid getting hurt?

No! For crying out loud, Barry!

It's not just Michaela that's picked up that I'm scared of failing.

Failure's the bollard.

I keep looking at it because I'm trying to avoid it.

Is someone at home telling you you're going to fail at university?

Give him a biscuit!

Well, whoever's saying that, you don't need to listen.

Yeah? Well, tell that to my dad.

TANNOY: The 12:40 to Manchester is now boarding...

Gail, wait!

-Give it up, Barry.

-No, I'm sorry, I'm not done, you can't go back.

If your dad's calling you a failure, then he's trying to make you

mess things up, that's abusive and it's got to stop.

Barry, I know that.

-It's avoiding that bollard.

-So, why are you going back home?

-Where else?

Listen, you only get one chance at an education. Miss that...

What you need to do is forget your dad

and start building some bridges with people who can help you.

You mean Michaela.

I mean Michaela and me, all those kids in the cafeteria.

Who am I forgetting?

You've got to be kidding.

PC Dyson just wants to clear things up.

You are the world's most stubborn individual, do you know that?

All right. All right.

Letherbridge nick on speed dial? Seriously?

Hello, this is Gail Tate. Is that the police?

So, are you looking forward to your holiday?

Morocco? Are you kidding?

I think Dr Reid is going to miss you.

She won't even know I'm gone.

It is nice to have some company round the house

and I'm sure she will notice your absence.

It's only Marrakech.

Well, nevertheless, you live together.

I pay rent. We don't live in each other's pockets.

I'm sure Emma will survive.

Dr Vere, um,

I'm really, really sorry, but we've had a bit of a derailment.

The schedule's nonsense. It's overrun by speakers

and I'm afraid there's not going to be enough time for you to speak.

I can't apologise enough.

I'll only take ten minutes.

Absolutely, and I really am very sorry.

We've taken up so much of your time already.

I am very grateful and you've made an invaluable contribution.

There's nothing left to say really,

except I'm sorry and...maybe next time.

Well, that is disappointing.

Is it just me, or did she just seem a bit odd?

This whole event has seemed very odd.

Mm.

I'm sure you would have made a marvellous speech,

including your reference to immigration.

Were you offended earlier?

No.

I was just offended that you had been overlooked.

Let's just assume she meant well and let's get out of here.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

Millefeuille?

Lawton's Patisserie. I'm afraid they'd run out of custard creams.

You must seriously want me to put on weight.

Oh, shut up, fatty. Just eat it!

-So, how was your meeting?

-Oh, a total waste of time!

Social services obsessing about money.

How was Mr Moss?

He wanted me to change his medication.

Hm, yes, he can be a bit like that.

He was probably trying it on because it's the first time he's met you.

I convinced him to stay on the Olanzapine.

But he wasn't very happy, so he left me this.

Are you sure this was him?

Well, I didn't actually see him. He'd already left reception.

-Valerie found it.

-No, this um... This isn't like him.

Well, maybe it's another one of my unhappy patients.

Either way, it's a piece of nonsense.

Isn't it see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?

Well, more like eye strain, earache and tonsillitis.

So, er...

-Will you be OK?

-Me? I'm a juvenile delinquent.

I'll be fine.

Would you have studied if you'd had the option?

It wasn't just I didn't have the option.

A lack of confidence.

Should that say "insecurity"?

History and English.

But hey, old dog, new tricks.

It's never too late, Fido.

You want something, fetch!

I'm really sorry.

It'd be a lot easier on a laptop

and you really do need to type it up next time.

But I thought this might cheer us both up.

Late, cogent, very tightly argued, blah, blah. You got a 2:1.

So, do you trust her now?

-About as far as I can throw her.

-Yeah, but I've changed, Barry.

I'm a good little student now, all thanks to you.

Gail and Barry, beauty and the beast.

Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll punch their lights out!

OK, I'm a work in progress.

Hi! I will be home in half an hour.

If you love me at all, you will open something chilled,

preferably from New Zealand.

What are you three gawping at?

Oh...

'Isn't it see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?'

Wow! Kate Middleton, eat your heart out!

-Are you going somewhere special?

-A funeral.

-Oh, not that lad from the Churchill?

-Yeah.

How can I take a look at your hair if you won't take that stupid

-hat off?

-I'm not letting you near my hair ever again!

Excuse me? Al?

-Hi.

-It's me. Sally Ann.

-Hey! What are you doing?

-You little...!

-Oi, oi, oi!