Displacement Doctors

Willow! Kieran! Get down here, now!

Myra, tell them, will you?

-Mm-hm.

-What's that?

-What?

-Come on.

-It's just rubbish.

-Show me.

Mum.

So, come on, we want to look nice for the dentist.

Why?

Well, just because we do.

Mum?

Mm?

Why did you help that boy?

Well, because he was hurt, darling.

Why?

Because he'd been in a fight.

Why?

I don't know the reason why, sweetheart.

Why do people fight?

I don't know. I just don't know.

Boss, I understand all of that.

Good.

But there's this student march at ten o'clock. We're going to need everyone we've got.

You'll be fine. Take a seat.

-ROB SIGHS

-What is the point, when I could be doing something useful?

Yeah, well, you'll just have to get on with it, won't you?

-Get on with what?

-That lot, for a start.

Myra!

Mum, I'm late, thanks to you lot.

Here. Just take it.

-I don't want it.

-Will you just do as you're told?

You've already got me into trouble.

-But I don't want to!

-That's just too bad.

-Well, why can't you do it?

-Well, why do you think?

Mum.

Please, love.

Just do it for us, eh?

Fancy a cup of tea?

No, I'll do it, I'll get it. I'm good at making tea. You sit down.

Milk, no sugar?

Thanks, Sarge.

Why did the boy die?

I told you. Because he was hurt.

Why?

Because that's what can happen when people fight, darling.

Why?

-Joe, can you just please stop asking me questions?

-Why?

Because we have to get going, that's why. Now, come on!

-Why?

-Joe!

You should see what they've got me doing, love.

Forms, charge sheets.

I think some of them have been here longer than I have.

Oh, thank you very much, yes. I'll get onto that.

Thank you. Bye.

Is that it?

I've had to double-check that.

I'd get on with it, if I were you.

-You haven't got all day.

-Really? Why's that?

That's why.

Have fun.

So, that's why we brush our teeth every day.

Why?

To keep our teeth healthy!

Now, please, just don't ask me why again, Joe.

Why?

Mummy!

Yeah, and the last thing I need is any fireworks.

So, keep them backed off and I'll see who I can send down.

No, I've just got the one I can spare.

Give him half an hour.

-Get down the campus, will you? Give them a hand.

-Yes, boss.

And tell them to keep a lid on it, won't you?

We don't want the whole thing kicking off.

OK, so... Come on, just wait in here.

-Mummy!

-Joe, please!

Is that blood?

I told you to wait inside!

What is it?

It's just a bird.

What sort of bird?

A rook. Look, what does it matter? Just wait inside.

Oh!

Ew!

Boss? This date of birth - it must be wrong.

-Is that right?

-Well, the year, at any rate.

And it's not the normal surname she uses - it's her father's.

Well, then, log it and move on.

And it's her father's address as well.

-So, she's living with her dad?

-No, he's not there any more.

And you know this how?

Because he's doing three years for handling stolen goods. He went down a couple of months ago.

One of yours?

Yeah. Well, the mother should have gone down as well but, for the kids' sake, they put her on a tag.

And?

She's now getting her daughter to shoplift for her. She's only 16.

What would she want with two rib-eye steaks and a bottle of aftershave?

Boss, I really do know the family. So, if you want, I can go and have a word with the mother.

I'll pass it on. Thank you, Sergeant. Carry on.

-Mummy?

-Not now, please.

Thank you.

-To Shak.

-To Shak.

Oh, cheers, darling.

Yeah, happy birthday.

Cheers, guys.

-Speech!

-Ooh!

Yeah, right!

-Oh, this is lovely, isn't it?

-What's that?

Well, just this. Things aren't too bad, are they?

Yeah. You're right, actually.

You're going to college. And you, you are...

-What?

-You are amazing.

Come on, steady!

Oi!

And my lovely husband - he is amazing, too.

-Thank you, darling.

-Oh!

We couldn't have imagined this a few years ago, could we?

No way!

We were homeless, sleeping on sofas, and it was hard.

Yeah, it was hard.

Tell me about it! I remember, at one point, I had to sellotape my shoes together.

No, you didn't!

Well, you don't have to live like that now, thanks to your mum.

No, not just me!

Yes, it is. To your mum.

Yeah, I'm into that.

-To Mum.

-To Mum.

So, what are you doing later, then?

What do you think? It's party time, big style.

-Going down town with my mates.

-You've got some mates, then, yeah?

-Look, have a word with yourself.

RUHMA MOUTHS

-I'll come, if you like.

-Yeah, like I'm that desperate!

Myra?

-What?

-What are you doing home?

Well, what's happened?

They all went for chips. I didn't have any money, did I?

-Well, you've got your sandwiches, haven't you?

-Great(!)

-Do you want a drink?

-What have we got?

There's some squash left.

They can have it.

Look, I'll give you some tomorrow, OK?

-They're not going tomorrow.

-Well, you can go on your own.

I'm fed up of doing things on my own.

We're all fed up, love.

And where are you going to get it from, anyway?

All of a sudden?

Well, when I've sold the things.

What things?

The things you're going to get from the shops.

-The things I'm going to nick from the shops, you mean?

-Oh, Myra!

Well, you can stick it cos I'm not doing it!

-Please, don't start!

-Why should I?

Cos you know I can't!

Yeah, and nor can I. I've already been caught once.

Myra, do you really think I'd ask if there was any other way?

And do you really think I want to walk round with one of them things on my leg, like you?

-Sweetheart.

-Oh, don't give me all that.

Look, I'm sorry, aren't I?

This is not the way I want to live.

Tell me about it.

All right, fine. Don't bother.

Don't worry, I'm not.

I'll try Social again.

Like that's going to work.

Well, what else can I possibly do, Myra? You tell me.

Please. Because I've tried everything!

Have you had anything to eat?

I'll get something later.

Here. You finish it.

No, it's yours.

I don't want it.

Did you manage to get anyone to look into it, boss?

I've got a bit more on my plate than a teenage tealeaf!

A bunch of lairy students, for a start!

It's not right.

What isn't?

We should be charging the mother, not the girl.

And don't tell me you feel responsible?

-Well, I do, in a way.

-Yeah, for doing your job?

I think, if we have a quiet word...

Anything but doing the paperwork, eh?

-No, it's not that.

-What do they call it - displacement behaviour?

Anything but doing the job I've given you, eh, Sergeant?

Where do you think you're going?

Oh, I, er... I thought I might grab some lunch.

I am still allowed to eat?

Yeah. Thanks, boss.

Hi, Rob.

Zara.

I'm here to see DI Stanton.

What about?

A bird.

A bird?

They don't just fly into parked cars, straight into the glass, do they?

Er... Not as a rule, no.

And then I'm pretty sure there were some boys following me after the funeral,

and there was a message on reception for me -

well, it was more of a picture, like the three wise monkeys. You know, hear no evil, see no...

-Addressed to you?

-Yeah, but it wasn't monkeys - it was skulls.

Right, and you think that the bird was a message as well?

Unless it did just fly into the glass.

I suppose it is possible.

Oh, I'm just making a fuss over nothing, aren't I?

Zara, if you really are worried, then make a statement.

I really am. There's no way of proving it.

Have you spoken to anyone at work?

What about?

About shock, like we said.

ZARA SNORTS

Because what you witnessed will definitely have a reaction.

I'll see what Daniel says.

-Do you want me to get Stanton to phone you?

-No. Thanks, Rob, you've been a great help.

Er, right. I have got a little announcement to make.

Oh, Mum, you're not pregnant, are you?

As if! You're not, are you?

Of course I'm not.

Now, things were difficult last year.

I know there were some big changes, and I know you didn't want a fuss for your 18th, but...

-He was fine.

-Right.

And this year...this year's been pretty full-on, for lots of reasons.

I just feel that I haven't seen you.

Mum, it's cool.

Right. Um, I have managed to put a little bit of money aside.

Oh, nice one, Mum!

-Yes! Holiday!

-Where are we going?

We're not.

If you could just listen, please.

-Oh.

-OK.

This is for the both of you.

You know, it's just to help you start your grown-up lives.

-Yeah, how much?

-Shut up!

Right, Shak, if you check your bank account,

you'll see there's a little something in there.

How much?

£2,000.

ALIA COUGHS

Two grand?

-Seriously?

-Yeah.

Two grand? Mum, that's amazing!

Come here!

Two grand!

You've got some neck, coming here! What do you want now?

A quick word, that's all.

And where have I heard that before, for the last year?

I've nothing left, thanks to you!

-About you and Myra.

-Oh, here we go!

-I've just seen her charge sheet.

-And?

And I just don't think it's fair, that's all.

You tell me what is! She's 16 years old.

-Not according to the charge sheet.

-So she does what she wants.

So you didn't tell her to go out stealing?

No.

And you didn't tell her to lie if she got caught,

to cover your back?

You've got kids, have you?

-Keep an eye on them, do you, 24/7? See what they're up to, make sure they're all right?

-This isn't...

Well, I can't do that now, can I? Thanks to you.

So if that was anyone's fault, it's yours, not mine. OK?

-I still can't believe it.

-Well, I just didn't think you were ready for it last year.

-And he is now?

-Yeah, he's grown up a lot.

Mum, he's a complete idiot!

And all this is my money, yeah?

Yeah, to spend on something useful, like maybe a computer or something.

But have a little look at this.

Like he can read!

About bank accounts and saving accounts and ISAs.

-What's an ISA?

-You see?

It's a way of making your money go further.

-Yeah, cos you're not going to spend it straight away, are you?

-You're joking me, aren't you?

OK, this way, if you invest it, you could get even more.

Although interest rates are a bit low at the moment.

You may have to put it away for a bit longer.

But I thought you said I could spend it?

Yeah, some of it.

If you don't buy a new computer, then maybe...a new car.

Now you're talking! That's exactly what I need - some banging wheels!

-Shak, I'm really trusting you here, you know.

-I wouldn't even trust him with a fiver.

-Hey!

It's just not fair, Mum!

-You are going to get yours when the time comes, madam.

-Yes!

-Mm.

-Right, look.

-Thank you.

-I'm buying.

-No, no, no! You...

-No, Mum, come on.

Let him. Thanks, Shak.

Two grand! Mum, I swear, you are awesome!

I'll drink to that.

Thank you, Mum.

Oh, I've had enough of this. Come on.

Out! Making my life a misery.

Go and find someone else to harass.

-Janice, all I'm saying is...

-I don't care what you're saying.

Right, OK, right. You and Terry - you screwed up, yeah?

-And fair enough, you are paying the price for that now.

-Aren't we just?

But why do that to Myra?

Why set her off, on her young life, with a criminal record?

So, what do you want me to do?

Well, tell me the truth, for a start.

And that's really going to help her, is it?

And the other two, when you stick me in prison?

I am not having my kids taken into care.

Really? Because it seems like you're going about it the best way.

And they'll have food in their mouths, if it's the last thing I do.

So, is that it now? Are you done?

Cos I am.

Off you pop.

Ooh!

-What's this?

-How should I know?

Oi! You've got no right.

Deodorant. Razor blades. Bacon. It's a shopping list.

Nothing to do with me.

Really? Shall I go and see who posted it?

Do what you want.

You're right. It's just a shopping list.

One of my neighbours...

It's a thieving list, Janice, we both know it.

Well, I didn't write it, did I?

But you're on a tag.

Look, you might not quite believe this, but I'm trying to help you here.

JANICE SMIRKS

Right? I don't want to have to arrest you,

and I certainly don't want to have to arrest Myra.

I gave her a list this morning.

But if she's going to do it or not, I don't know.

What kind of stuff?

Same as that -

for people that can't afford soap powder and bacon and nappies.

And how does Myra feel about this?

She hates it. And so do I. But we're skint, aren't we?

I've got nothing for their dinners. And it's not like I can just nip out to the food bank, now, is it?

But you're making her break the law again.

I've got no choice.

They need school shoes, bus fares, never mind electricity!

How have things got so bad?

They're messing about with my benefits, aren't they?

Ever since you put Terry away.

Right. And what's the problem?

I don't know, do I?

They just sent a load of new forms.

And you know what they're like when they start on you.

How would you like it, eh?

Sending your kids to school in stuff out of the lost and found box?

With the same rotten sandwiches five days running?

It must be tough. Where is she going shopping?

Spendrite, probably. Trowberry Road.

After school.

Right, well, you get on the phone, and you tell her not to do it.

I've got no credit, for the last month.

-And neither has she.

-OK.

Well, what are you going to do?

What am I going to do?

I'm going to try and stop her before she gets arrested.

Hello there.

Hello there.

I want you to stick a barrier there and another one... Good lunch, then?

Not bad, thanks, boss.

Where did you go?

Where did I go?

I, er... I just went to the local greasy spoon.

Can't beat it, can you?

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yeah?

How's it going?

Could have been better.

At the dentist?

Oh, no. That was fine. He was very brave.

-So, what's up?

-There was a bird on my windscreen, outside the house.

Oh, poor thing.

Me or the bird?

What did you do?

-I got rid of it, of course.

-Where?

In the bin. Where else?

-Right, but in a bag, though, right?

-Look, Daniel, what does it matter?

Please don't tell me that you just dumped it in there.

It was horrible, it was covered in blood!

-Right, because now I'm going to have to be the one that fishes it out!

-Joe was there!

OK, fine, fine. I'll deal with it when I get home.

Just like I did all the mice.

OK, the point is, what was it doing there in the first place?

-It's a bird.

-There was blood all over the glass.

Obviously.

Oh, well, thank you very much for your concern.

-Well, what do you think happened?

-Forget it. Just forget it!

Right, when you've finished that lot, there's some HR stuff needs looking at.

Boss, I need to go out for half an hour.

To do what, exactly?

To stop a crime being committed.

-And what crime would that be?

-Shoplifting.

There's no way you're leaving this building.

If that girl gets caught for a second time in a month,

she will end up in a Young Offenders'...

-Where did you say you went this lunchtime?

-..for something she's being forced to do.

And you know this, do you?

Yes, I do.

Boss, I'm only trying to do my job.

I'll send someone over there, then.

Where is this great crime of the century going to take place?

I'll tell you on one condition.

You're well and truly pushing it now!

That whoever you send over stops her before she goes in and not on the way out.

So, you're dictating to me now, are you?

I'm not just going to hand them a free pull.

It's not her fault.

Yeah, two seconds, bro.

Oh, yes!

Oh, man! You are not going to believe what's just happened!

Listen, my mum, yeah?

She's just given me this mad, mad present. Take a guess.

50 quid? Bruv, this is my mum, not yours!

No, no, hold on.

ATM BEEPS

Oh, bruv, I swear, you are not even close!

This is going to be one serious, serious party tonight.

Ha-ha!

I'm telling you, brother.

Get ready for the party because I'm spending some serious, serious money tonight.

-Oh, no, I don't get it.

-OK.

-No, I'll probably do it tonight.

-We understand.

-Are you coming to the centre?

-Um...

Nah, you're all right. I'll just see you later.

Myra Brooks?

Can you come with me, please?

What for?

But I haven't done anything!

Hey, are you OK?

Why wouldn't I be?

Well, look, about what I said earlier -

it must have been pretty nasty.

Well, it wasn't exactly pleasant.

No, no, not after what happened the other night.

It just took me a bit by surprise.

Yeah, of course.

It's the last thing you needed.

What with Joe being there.

Yeah, you're bound to still be upset.

No, I'm fine. I'm just being silly.

-Are you sure?

-Mm-hm.

OK, how about we have a takeaway and a glass of wine?

-Could do.

-Anything you want.

No chicken.

Then maybe, er, early night?

That is your solution to everything!

Well, it works, occasionally.

Sorry.

Me too.

You've got five minutes.

Thanks, boss.

Hello, Myra. How's it going?

I haven't done anything. I just went to the shop, all right?

What for?

Have you got any money?

I was just looking, OK? You can't arrest me for that.

No-one's arrested you.

Well, then, what am I doing here?

I just want a little talk.

Yeah, well, I don't.

Can I see the list? The shopping list your mum gave you?

-No, she didn't.

-Yes, she did.

-Myra, do you know how much trouble you could be in here?

-I haven't done anything!

-Well, you've given us a false name, for a start.

-It's not false. It's my dad's.

And a false age.

-Did your mum tell you to do that?

-It's got nothing to do with her.

I'm sorry, but that's just not true.

-And how would you know?

-Because she told me.

Myra - list.

Thank you.

Why would you need nappies?

-I'm not blaming you.

-Yeah, you are.

But you need to know that this is not on.

Yeah, I'm not stupid!

I just want to get on with my life,

if everyone would just leave me alone!

So, the next time she asks you, you say no, OK?

Can you do that for me?

Good.

And what are you going to do to her?

I'm not sure yet.

But it's not her fault, it's mine.

And how do you work that one out?

I mucked the form up, didn't I?

For the Social. I filled the wrong part in.

Why wasn't your mum filling it in?

Cos I can read better than she can.

What sort of van?

Oh, like surfing style, with all the stickers and all that?

Yeah, but I can't surf, and neither can you.

That sounds pretty cool!

So we could, like, go away in it, yeah?

Festivals and all that?

BELL RINGS

Happy now you've got me back down here?

Oh, well, at least it got you out of the house, eh?

Oh, you're enjoying all this, aren't you?

I'm happy you're not going to get locked up, if that's what you mean.

Mum.

I'm going to get someone from the Family Protection Unit to come and see you, OK?

-Try and get your benefits sorted out.

-Just like that?

-An emergency payment or whatever.

-And you think I haven't tried that?

I'm sure you have, but that's what they're there for.

But this is it now. There are no more warnings.

Whatever you say.

Mum, I'm not going to do it again.

I know you're not, love. I'm sorry.

Finished, then, have you?

Yes, boss, all done.

I'll be seeing you, then.

No, you won't.

OK. Let's go.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

You look just like your photo.

Oh, thank you very much. You look...

Like a time-travelling dominatrix?

ZARA SHRIEKS

-So, how have you been?

-Fine.

You do know I'm a detective, don't you?

I thought I could cope, but I can't.

Er, is this yours?