Omnibus 1 E20

# I know what's to come

# Though I'm feelin' happy now

# I know when I'm drunk

# In ways it always let me down

# Cos I always stay too long... #

You have no respect! I don't care where you sleep.

You are no longer welcome in my house!

# I'm in a brawl

# Cos I won't take your lying now

# Writing's on the wall

# The police are on their way right now

# Cos I always stay too long...#

Bare checking me out and that.

-You what?

-You wanna jump on my wave, yeah, daddy-oh?

-You being serious?

-Not good enough for you?

Better than what you get around here.

Right barrel of laughs, aren't you?

What have you got to be so miserable about? Someone die?

# I've got my peeps there with me Shouting pull up your socks

# Cos we just broke the law and now we're running from cops

# I got my lip bust fighting Now there's blood on my top

# And I'm still out looking for a party, somewhere to stop

# I've got my peeps them tellin' me they know where it's at

# So I pull out 20 notes and jump straight into a cab... #

Danny, Ava. They'll tell you everything you need to know.

You're in temporary accommodation with families

till the new hostel's ready.

Why can't the new kids move in to temporary accommodation?

Because maybe they're not total lost causes, Danny.

-It's Donnie.

-Get in.

# On a run from the law

# I'm lookin' worse for wear

# I go through a door

# Suddenly I find myself somewhere

# Something's bound to go wrong

# Before I start singin' my s-s-song... #

Lord, give me strength.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

The good book says, he that have ears, let him hear.

What do you have to say?

-Gassed.

-What?!

Look at you, your puffed out chest, shoutin' it out like you the next Messiah.

Listen, Lord may not be strikin' you down,

but keep goin' on like that, blood pressure will.

I feel sick back here.

-Buses don't agree with me.

-Tough.

Where are we going?

Oi. Where are we going?

Told you. Families.

No, after.

-It doesn't say.

-Three Albert Square.

Yeah? Where's that?

Lord knows.

# My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

# And they're like it's better than yours

# Damn right, it's better than yours

# I can teach you but I'd have to charge

# My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

# They're like it's better than yours

# Damn right it's better than yours

# I can teach you but I'd have to charge. #

Please can I move?

For the last time, no!

Down!

No swapping. If Ava can't move, you can't. Sit down.

-Make me.

-If that's how you want to play it...

Ooh-ooh! Oh, my goodness!

What do you say?

You got a bed in there, or what?

Yeah, yeah, I got clean sheets and a pillow, too.

Hey, hey, Mrs B!

One of your friends, Arthur?

Friend? Friends? No, no, no.

She, she is... She's a Mormon.

Tryin' to spread the word.

But we're not interested. Sorry, darling, OK?

We only preach the one true word here. Ain't that right, Mrs B?

Yes, yes. Well, your acquaintances usually aren't dressed like that.

Now, I need your help Arthur to peel the potatoes

cos I'm making the dumplings for one of me beef stews.

All right, Mrs B.

-What, so I can't stay here?

-Sorry.

-You all right?

-I'm fine, fine.

Help me! Help me!

Ambulance. Near the A406.

-All right, let's go.

-You can't leave them, they're hurt.

-They're fine. Ambulance is on the way.

-What about us? We're meant to be with families.

Do you want to be with families? They don't care about you.

What's the alternative? Sleep rough? Done that, never again.

Yo, T-dot-neequa!

Nah, nah, nah, no party.

You see how you got a spare bunk bed cos your sister ran off with that chav?

Well, can I... Taneequa, let's be honest, he's a chav.

The only person dumber than him is your sister for believing it.

Taneequa? T?!

That's the fifth message you've left. Who are you calling?

What have we done?

Just hang on.

What?!

You can't leave me!

-Oh, whatever man.

-You're supposed to defend me.

-OK, if any guy looks at you at a party...

-An ugly guy.

OK, if an ugly guy looks at you at a party, I have to sort him out?

That is your job. You are my boyfriend!

'Allo luv, got a nice little deal for you, right off the lorry.

-What's wrong with your voice?

-Just tryin' to soak up some culture.

Where you been living?

Would you like to buy a Nigerian school blazer?

Don't talk to my boyfriend, please.

Hot spice and that.

What you saying?

'Hello, Walford Homes Emergency Helpline.

'Hello? Hello?'

SIRENS WAIL

Thought you went back?

Buses don't agree with me.

Donnie! Where are we going?

Look, just trust me.

Three Albert Square? Are you for real.

It's a bit shabby, but we've had worse.

One thing, though.

-Nah, ain't gonna be splittin' ma...

-Oh, my God, she speaks like she's had a stroke.

-And what's your name, posh girl?

-Ava.

-And you?

-Faith, your new landlady.

-Rent's £20...

-Sorry. Not enough room.

Please, man!

I've got nowhere else!

We've left the scene of an accident, we've run away from wherever they were taking us. This is serious.

We don't need someone else getting in the way.

Please! I've got nowhere else to go! >

All right. You will not regret this. Trust me.

So, who's Olivia?

What?

Donnie. Ava. Who's Ol...?

You EVER say that name again and I will kill you.

It's me. Again.

Running out of minutes here. Gimme a call.

So how long for you?

Since Dad's been in jail. Years now.

So where were you before the old place?

Tower 12.

How was it?

Had to barricade your door at night. How about you?

Just a house.

Sounds like you got lucky.

Something like that.

I mean, what is this? No food, nowhere to go, dead!

Famined girl, deprived of food out here.

I'm gonna start my own Comic Relief appeal, donate to me.

Have my own video. "Deserted by family,

"Faith Olubunmi lives with a pair of...wastes,

"who can't fend for themselves." What?

Keep your voice down.

Fine. I'm starving.

Well, apparently we can't fend for ourselves.

So, any ideas?

Yeah.

Leave it with me.

Hi Grandma...

GRANDMA SUCKS HER TEETH

Hi, My name's John, this is Mary.

We're from Walford Church Prayer Group for Troubled Teens.

-Go on.

-Basically we're looking to start a new, um...

-(Choir.)

-A new singing choir for us youngsters, um...

Genius, Faith(!) Genius. Boarding school education really paid off(!)

-Oh, allow it man! I tried, didn't I? That's what I do.

-Shh.

-All right, I'm starving.

-I thought you care kids were meant to be hard bodies.

Can't even rustle up some food, man.

Oi!

Where you off to?

You all right, love? Can I get you anything?

Tea and some toast, please.

OK, love.

Actually, just a tea.

Catch!

Oi, man!

-I just want to help.

-Help? All you had to do was catch a bag.

It's all about distraction.

Oi, I just sat on your bench and I got a nail in my thigh. You better check it before I call the council!

'No-one argues with health and safety these days.

'You take what you need...

'And run.'

Then you offload as soon as you can, to someone who can catch a bag.

Watch and learn.

-You all right?

-I just tripped over a loose slab outside your shop,

hit your newspaper stand, lucky I didn't come through the window. Look what it did to my leg!

Oh do me favour, learn to tie your laces! Look, the shop ain't responsible for the slab.

It will be when I call the council. Health and safety, innit.

-Oi!

-Catch!

Stop him!

-What a great idea(!) Stealing.

-Worked, didn't it?

Oi!

Oi!

Stop him!

I can see you. Come here! Come here, you!

Come here!

Move, move, move, move! Stop him!

PHONE RINGS

Oi! Come here!

-Do you want to watch where you're going?

-I'm gonna cause him a serious injury in a minute, little git!

Thought I couldn't catch you, eh?

Still got it. Legend, it's minor.

So, where's the stuff then?

Do you know what it's like to run in six-inch heels?

-The bag?

-Dropped it, I think. Panicked.

Panicked?! No wonder, after the sprint I just showed you.

POLICE SIREN

Thought you were one of the nice ones.

Not a grass. Help out someone in need.

You know what? Go.

Go on.

Hey! And don't try it again, yeah?

Bib-bib!

-Hi, what can I get for you?

-Oh, I'm just browsing.

Actually, I don't have anything, I got mugged earlier - he stole my purse.

Oh. Really?

OK.

We always make more than we need.

Let's see what we can do for you.

Oh, thank you, that's so kind.

You OK?

Yeah, fine.

That's a big cut on your head.

I really appreciate this.

No problem, enjoy it.

Oi, oi, oi.

Come back.

You'll need that.

I wasn't mugged or anything, I'm just...

I'm skint, I'm hungry, I thought I'd... scam you or whatever.

Just forget it, I'm sorry.

-Any luck?

-Nope.

Care was rubbish, but at least we got fed.

Oi!

Catch.

Run, you idiot! He's coming!

-What have you done?

-Scammed a chippy, innit.

Showed you orphans how it's really done, hear me?

-Nice work.

-Always.

Job done, then.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Oh, my days!

-Shh!

Are you stupid?

-Who you calling stupid?

-Ooh, I dunno, what's your name?

BANGING ON DOOR

-What are we going to do?

-Roof!

There's no room.

No room!

Ava! Ava!

Who's Olivia? Why you nick her bag?

-This is so stupid.

-Shut up!

-Let go of me!

Argh!

Aaargh! Oh, my...!

What are you doing inhere?

No hablo Inglesa! Muy es foreigna!

Do you think I'm stupid? I know your grandmother!

-Que es "grandmother"?

-Fine, I'll just call her...

-NO! No, no.

-Out, now.

-BANGING

-Are you alone?

So. You're the delinquents from the hostel.

Delinquents? You're the one trespassing.

We should call the police on you.

-I'm sure they know you.

-Oi, listen. You can't just bop about like it's your yard.

Oh, tell me, please, who's yard it is that I am trespassing on?

The Prime Minister's.

What?

We're youth volunteers, from the government's Big Society Campaign.

And we're just doing the final checks to make sure this is ready to be lived in.

Yes. Right. "Volunteers."

And what's your cause?

To stop people like you

calling young people who have had difficult lives 'delinquents'.

They're not all asbo-laden hoodies.

If more young people help out within the community,

maybe they'll stop getting seen that way.

So we're going to make soup!

To give out.

I'll believe that when I see it.

Come to the market at four and you will.

You are living proof that a human can live without a brain.

I mean, really, are your parents siblings?

-You hit me in the face!

-You were trying to touch me up!

You said there was no space under the bed...

-Did you tell her that?

-Can we think about what you've just got us in to?

-You mean what I got us out of!

-Quit whining. There's no ish here.

Except what we're doing on the square in half an hour.

-Another genius idea.

-Like you had a better one!

-I was handling it.

-We have to make that lie true

or you two are going back to care, and probably juvey.

And all three of us - homeless.

Faith's special mixture!

Soup, darling, you! You look like you need some soup.

50p, yes. Hello? People?

No, you're all right, thanks. Go away, man!

Faith's special mixture of soup!

Soup! Yo, sis, I'm selling soup.

Hello, Hello. Ooh, aunties!

A little taste of soup. SOUP!

Lemonade.

-OK.

-Wrong one.

What?!

Faith's special mixture!

So divine it will blow your mind.

It's all in the tasting! 50p, yeah?

What are you doing? We're supposed to be a charity.

It's got to be free. Free soup. You're missing the point.

Well, we ain't got no money, and after this we ain't got no food. We've got to sell this or we're...

CLEARS THROAT

Free soup for the needy!

-Donations welcome!

-You haven't given much away. And it smells atrocious.

-It's all in the tasting.

-Soup for you boys?

All right, come on, boys, show's over.

Let's go!

Come on!

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

Let me do you a favour.

Hold up, she's straight jacking us! There was, like, fives in there!

What was the name of your charity?

The 'Big Society Volunteering Campaign'.

I'll save you the hassle of banking

and donate straight into the account. Tax bonuses that way too.

What's the number? Don't kid a kidder, sweetheart.

Think it's time this soup cart hit the road. You'll get yours.

Ugh. That's like, jumper rape.

All yours, baby boy.

Always feels good to help out the community, innit? Safe!

Mmmm!

How's your nose?

It's abuse, you know.

Woah! Guess what my sweet-talking just got me!

I'm fine. But thanks.

You know, you'd be all right if you weren't so boring.

MOBILE RINGS Come on man, just one swig.

OK. Just one.

So, you and Donnie, yeah?

-What, no. No way.

-OK, good.

-Cos I think he's proper into me.

-We keep catching each other's eye...

'You have one new message.'

'The police have been asking questions.

'Tell me where you are hiding.'

What you saying?

I swear, you stink!

We'd better get this on!

Woo-hoo!

-This ain't my yard, you know.

-Actually, Faith, it is.

You're some Larry, innit, how you know my name?

It's my job to.

That one upstairs can't tell us what to do.

He don't make the laws.

Didn't you hear what he said?!

If we don't do what we're told, we pay for everything we've done.

-One more.

-OK, what do you want?

-Hello.

-Are you man I speak to about community complaints?

I'm the manager, yes.

Manager? You're a child yourself.

Olivia Verne.

-What?

-It's my real name.

-Hello, children.

-You three live here?

What you doing in our yard? You should kick before I go mad.

Go easy with her, yeah?

You'll never take me alive!

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