Alfie receives some miraculous news, Vanessa discovers Michael's plans for revenge against Eddie, Yusef pays Qadim a visit, and Dot is landed with yet another housemate.
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-I liked it when it was just the two of us.
-Oh, Arthur, so did I.
But, you see, life,
it evolves and we have to...
evolve with it. Rose, she is my sister by my mother and I had to take her in, it was my duty.
It was the charitable thing to do.
Yeah, but I heard her last night outside my room. She was...lurking!
It's the call of nature, Arthur.
Sometimes, when people get older, you know, the call comes more frequent
and they have to answer it quick, whether it be day or night.
-Yeah, but she's hawking me.
You know, she's looking at me like she's some big bird of prey and I'm her dinner.
And she's going to swoop down and pick me up and carry me off.
Two nights on the trot.
-How long's it going to go on for?
-He's the one with all the answers.
I know he hurt you.
Don't try and justify what he said, Jean, just don't, all right?
He can either stay on the sofa or clear off for all I care.
I can manage fine on my own.
So can Tommy.
And so can this one.
-Our honeymoon? Honeymoon?
Are you all right?
Yes. Sorry, yes...honeymoon!
Vegas sounds fantastic.
There might not be a honeymoon if we can't find Amira, get this one divorced.
Right, well...brainstorming time. You two can be the fairies, I'll be the Godmother.
Let's work out a way of you living happily ever after, shall we?
-Yeah, mate, dream on.
-What you doing?
-Well, go upstairs cos I'm here now.
-Don't forget to count the mixers.
-Done it before, remember?
I thought all you had to do was say "I divorce you" three times?
That's the Muslim part of it, but it has to be done legally like everyone else.
So Syed's asked around the community and nobody knows anything.
More likely they do know and just don't want him to find her.
They'll track her down.
We can't afford one, darling.
Chances are they'll take the money and still not find her.
Put an ad in the paper or put a picture up saying, "Have you seen this woman?"
Tan! She's not a lost dog!
I don't even know why we're bothering. I bet we find her and she still won't give you a divorce.
-Just out of spite.
-Amira's not spiteful.
-She's not anything.
Something is up, isn't it?
I had a row with me mum on Friday and I chucked her out.
I just wish she'd come and collect her stuff and disappear.
-You don't mean that.
-Got enough on my plate without her breathing down my neck.
Nothing, just...family stuff.
You know, juggling too many balls.
This should be a time for great celebrating.
It's like someone up there's been thinking about the missing bit of the jigsaw
to make the family whole
and here you are... with child, as they say.
You should swing that past Alfie.
He might well go for immaculate conception.
It's just a shock, that's all.
It was a shock for me an' all. I have not been with anyone else.
-I know you haven't. I believe you.
Why can't he?
-I'm all right.
-Ain't seen you about.
No, because I've got a pub to run, Michael.
LADS! Oi! Stop talking! Why don't you get a move on, eh? Standing here all day, waiting for you pair!
-What's she done then?
-What you on about?
-That look on your face.
-What's Kat done?
-I'm not discussing my marriage with you even if there was anything to discuss.
Which of course, there isn't, thank you, Michael.
The cold-shoulder treatment? That's a shame as you're the only cousin...
the only family, in fact that I'd give a kidney to.
Give me a kidney? More like sell me one. 50% discount and the rest at 26% over the next 25 years?
-He knows me so well.
Stop with the raise-y eyebrow thing cos it's nothing. You ain't got to worry.
You can't kid a kidder.
Tell me, it won't go any further.
Just a row.
-Something and nothing, that's all.
Yeah, sure. Listen, if you want to pop in later for a drink,
it'll be on me.
-Good, see you then.
It's his kid!
-I've a good mind to get rid, that'll teach him.
-Don't be silly!
You don't mean that.
Course I don't.
Most women, when find out they're having a baby, there's champagne and parties.
I find out and it's a flamin' inquisition!
What you going to do?
I'm not going to let him get to me. I've done nothing wrong
and I will not be made to feel guilty.
I'm very fond of Arthur
and I won't have him feeling his home ain't his home no more.
Well, I'm very surprised he thinks I don't like him because I do.
He's got a certain something about him that reminds me of Omar Sharif.
Well, I don't know about Omar Sharif but there's plenty rooms in that house for us to live in harmony.
Mind you, there'd be a bit more harmony if you was to pay board like you said you would.
I'm looking. But there's not much going for a mature lady the wrong side of 50.
You won't see 70 again, darling.
Not that it's any of your business but I'm nowhere near 70!
Dot, I've heard the doctor in the square is looking for a new receptionist.
-That won't suit you.
-Why not? I've worked in a surgery before.
That won't suit because Dr Khan is my doctor.
I can just about tolerate you having access to my kitchen cupboards
-and drawers but I don't want you having access to my medical records.
-But you want me to get a job
and that Dr Khan is very tasty.
No. I forbid it!
Hello, darlin', ain't seen you in here for a while.
Pint, is it? Or you in training?
Blimey look at the size of them guns, you have been a busy boy.
Give a married woman a thrill.
Phwoar, look at that.
You going to ask him to do a DNA test?
-You can stop looking at me like that.
You think I don't know what I'm doing.
-You're not the first woman to underestimate me.
-I just get a bit jumpy around electrics.
I don't want to use the toaster and have my hair standing on end.
I used to repair all sorts in my shop.
Radios were a speciality.
So you definitely know what you're doing?
Pat, we've established we're friends. Nothing more.
So lock away the critical tone and throw away the key.
Girlfriends and wives can criticise all they like,
friends, thin on the ground as they are,
have to be supportive. Is that too much to ask?
-As long as you're supportive of me an' all. It goes both ways.
Right, there you go.
Oh, look the thingies are going all red.
Oh, thanks, Half-Pint.
-Want a cup of tea to go with that?
-Half-Pint by name, half pint by nature. Fancy a friendly G&T?
I've never known an unfriendly one.
-Excuse me, Doctor.
I was just coming to see you.
I'm not ill or anything. I have heard you're looking for a new receptionist.
How do you fancy a spot of bigamy?
Mind you, it might not be bigamy to marry a man when you're already married to a woman.
Yeah, that'll go down well! Me in the dock trying to explain
that one to the judge while my mum screams from the gallery for me to be publicly flogged.
-I've got another idea.
-Go for it.
She'll have a doctor, won't she? Medical records? Could always ask Yusef?
-I'm not involving him.
-He'd know how to find her doctor.
And then what? We wait outside the surgery on the off-chance?
I want to find Amira as much as you do but forget it.
-I'm not asking for Yusef's help and neither are you, OK?
I'm not standing for this, Alfie. I'm not having you think what you're thinking. It's not fair.
-I've done nothing wrong!
-This is your baby.
-This is medical, OK.
I cannot have babies. Can you explain that?
-No, you can't! Exactly.
-Maybe Jean's right, maybe it's a miracle.
Miracles don't happen, all right?
Don't they? We buried a baby and then
four months later we're holding him in our arms and kissing his laughing face.
If that ain't a miracle, I don't know what is.
All right. That was our miracle, it doesn't happen twice.
It does, Alfie!
-I've just had that conversation with another lady.
-She got any experience?
-You've worked in a doctor's surgery before?
-No, but I've thrown drunks out of pubs.
-It's hardly the same.
Look, I'll note your interest.
-I want a word with you.
-Tell him he's got me pregnant.
You told me I had one in the oven, only Doubting Thomas reckons another baker's stuck it in.
-Do you have to bring everyone in on this?
-He's a doctor.
-I don't care! I can't have kids! No offence, Doc.
-How do you know?
-That you're infertile?
-That's the medical term.
When I was in Spain a few years ago, I had some tests. I had a...
a low thingy count.
Except the one that's been holding back ready to prove to the rest who's the daddy.
-It could happen.
-Fertility can change in a man.
Come over this afternoon. I'll fit you in.
-I think you need some new tests.
I'm not in the mood to fight, Mum.
Suits me. I don't want to talk about Friday. I do want to say something.
You've had two husbands. One was a lying cheat, the other a waste of space.
Good body, I grant you, but otherwise looked like fixtures and fittings.
I didn't understand either of your marriages.
You didn't understand mine.
Yes, I did. I grew up in it.
So, Abi and Lauren get you and Max, do they?
Understand everything that happened?
-'Course they don't. You're not moving back in, Mum.
I'm sorry. I can't deal with any more.
I'm your mother Tanya. Let me help.
I don't need your help.
-Fancy a cup a tea, Dot?
-Oh, that's ever so kind of you.
I've let this go cold.
Do you mind if I join you? I'm at a bit of a loose end.
No, not at all. I won't be here long, I just popped in for a snack
before I went and visited Jim, that's my husband.
Where is he?
He's...in a nursing home.
He needs specialist care.
Must be hard for you.
-Know what today is?
It's the anniversary of the day I met my husband William.
That's funny. My best friend, Ethel, she had a husband called William.
I was running for the bus, he was a bus conductor. He grabbed me and pulled me up.
41 years to the day.
You're lucky, Dot. He might be in a home
but you've still got him.
Can I be straight?
I overheard you talking to Rose. You got plenty of room at your place.
-Don't fancy another lodger, do you?
-Oh, I don't know about that.
I'm at the B & B. I'll pay my way.
You know what Kim's like - you don't wear trousers, she ain't interested.
-I know what you mean.
-You get to our time of life
and you don't want to keep shifting from place to place.
You're looking for somewhere permanent then?
Only, you see, I've got Arthur to think of.
He's a lovely boy, but he's a creature of habit, I don't want to upset him,
cos he don't like nothing disruptive.
If my own daughter don't want me,
I can't expect anyone else to take me in.
-Right, I'll take over from here.
-No, go and get a table. I'm getting these in.
It is real.
You think I'll take your word for it?
It's funny. I was talking to my accountant the other day and I don't think I could spend all of my money.
Even if I tried really, really hard.
Isn't that funny?
-Panicking because he's sat there.
-I'm not panicking.
I'm just trying to get a better grip on these plates.
Just accept the fact he's not interested.
And it's his loss.
You getting a kick out of this, are you?
Is this about Jean?
-Oh, so you are aware of her then?
-Of course I am. Look...
No. You look. I know your game, all right?
You throw the net wide, see what's out there before pouncing on an old trout. I won't have you hurt Jean.
I've no intention of hurting her.
You got two tickets for some skiffle thing and stood her up!
What do you mean, "stood her up"? I was never going with her!
You say that cos she's stood there.
Jean was moping all night.
No. I gave her two tickets.
How could she think I was going with her? You believe me, Pat?
If this is Jean, she'll have probably got hold of the wrong end of the stick, as usual.
No, this is him playing games.
Sat there like butter wouldn't melt and you laughing like the cat that's got the cream.
Well, I hate to disappoint you, Tiddles, but I reckon the cream's a bit sour.
-Well, you'd know all about playing games, wouldn't you?
-What do you mean by that, Pat?
You've played off so many men against each other you deserve a lifetime achievement award.
In fact, they should rename this pub The Slapper Kat!
Pat, are you all right?
Don't worry about her, she's had worse things thrown in her face.
-Let's get you home.
-You know what, Pat, the beer facial really suits you.
Oh, shut up, Janine.
What are you doing here anyway?
Oh, I know. Trying to buy friends with your money?
Cos let's face it, nobody'll want to spend time with you for nothing.
You'd know all about charging by the hour, wouldn't you, Pat!
You do know she used to be a prostitute? What am I talking about?
Of course you did! Why else would you be sniffing around her?
Doing deals for OAPs?
Who do you think you're talking to?
This woman took you and your siblings on. She gave you a home.
-Don't let it get to you. I'm used to it.
-Well, you shouldn't be!
Me and my sister may well have had our differences but I know she was
a good woman and she wanted the best for her children.
And many the time Frank and me would sit in a pub and after a few, he'd bring out the photos. His kids.
I can tell you this, Janine, if your parents were here right now, they'd look at you with disappointment
and disgust in their eyes.
You are a manipulative, spoilt little girl, Janine.
I'm ashamed to be related to you.
-Don't mention it.
It's what friends do, isn't it?
Stand up for each other.
-You'll get used to the intercom.
-You mean I've got the job?
Well, sign those forms and you can help out this afternoon and we'll see what happens.
There'll be a formal interview and checks of course.
Mr Moon, if you'd like to...
Oh, hang on. Mr Moon, Doctor will see you now.
-He never took you on!
-Thanks for the vote of confidence.
-But...you can't work here.
-Yes, I can. I'm very suited.
Oh, don't be stupid. You won't last five minutes.
You'll give everyone the wrong dates.
Some poor soul will come in to have their ear syringed out and land up in the stirrups.
Can I bring your attention to the sign?
What do you want?
-I ain't discussing my ailments with you!
-I need to know if it's urgent?
Is it life-threatening?
Sorry to disappoint you, Rose, but I think I'll last the day.
Hey, you all right?
-I've been thinking.
-I've warned you about that before!
-There might be a way to find Amira.
I could do something I don't want to do.
-Talk to her dad.
-I could go to his office.
No, Sy. The last time we had anything to do with him, he turns up with heavies to kill you!
-I know but that was in the heat of things.
-The heat of things?
It was the heat of things that left me with broken ribs!
-You think some time's passed and he's going to be happy to see you?!
-I'll take that risk.
I want to get married, Christian. I want to be free of Amira.
I'm sorry my life is so complicated.
I just don't want you putting yourself at risk.
We will find Amira without having to go anywhere near her psycho dad.
I misread the signs, didn't I?
I wanted to believe he liked me.
It stands to reason I'd get it wrong.
I mean, what would he see in me?
Jean, if you're going to mope around all day, do it in the kitchen, I don't want to hear it.
-I mean it!
You should fight your own battles, instead of keep running off all the time.
Learn to stand up for yourself instead of being a walkover.
-All right, Kat?
-Yeah. Alfie about?
-No. He's out.
-Tell him I want a word.
-I pull pints, I don't pass on messages.
I'll have a pint then.
-No, thank you.
I saw Alfie earlier. If things ain't too great, you know I'm a good listener.
What did he say?
Nothing. Sometimes an impartial ear is what you need.
Just like in Spain, remember? You needed to talk.
Jean! Serve Michael for me, will you?
I had to go private to speed things along. I'll get the results tomorrow.
Glad to know you've got money to throw away.
the baby could be mine.
What do you want? A slap on the back?
I KNOW the baby's yours.
I...I could be a daddy.
So you're not Tommy's dad then?
-You know what I mean.
-Yeah. I know what you mean.
Half an hour ago, you thought I was giving it away with every pint I sold and now just because
some bloke with letters after his name says it could be yours, you're thinking of Father's Day cards.
I told you, it's your baby!
You should have believed in me!
I do, Kat. You know I love you.
But I also know what you're like.
Come on, we both know you're no saint.
I'm not saying you're having an affair or anything like that. I'm just being honest with you, Kat.
I'm not blaming you, I knew what I was getting into when I married you.
I know what life with Kat Slater is all about.
"What life with Kat Slater is all about."
-In here, Arthur.
You know Mrs Cross, don't you?
-Pleased to meet you.
I was just wondering if you wanted me to come with you to see Jimbo a bit later.
He's such a nice young man.
-I look forward to getting to know him better.
-His room is the middle,
between Rose in the front and your room is in the back.
-Yes, Mrs Cross is coming to join our happy family.
She's nowhere else to go. You know what Jesus said about generosity of spirit and hospitality.
Didn't your mother tell you not to stand with your mouth open, you'll catch flies.
I remember MY mother saying that.
After everything that's happened with Tommy.
you really think I'd sleep with someone else?
What sort of cold-hearted cow do you think I am?
-You are such a hero. You know that?
I mean, that must be what everyone's thinking.
"Alfie Moon, what a guy!
"Taking on that.
"That dirty bit of rough Kat Slater.
"Who's had more men than hot dinners.
"He must be a saint."
-I never meant it like that.
-Yes, you did! And you're right.
'Course you are.
I'm up the duff, stands to reason there has to be an identity parade.
Go and line up a load of blokes and I'll try remember if any of them look familiar.
But it might be a bit hard cos I was probably drunk out of my tree at the time.
Maybe I was in the gutter.
With my hair sticking to my face with sweat, my top stained with vomit.
"What a pretty girl Kat Slater is!
"But Alfie's turned her life around.
"Some days she's half-presentable.
"And what a martyr, bringing up someone else's kid.
"Oh, and it's his cousin's.
"She likes to keep it in the family.
"She's always liked to keep it in the family!"
Don't say that.
Why not? That's what you're thinking!
I love you! You're not Kat Slater any more.
-You're Kat Moon!
-I'll always be Kat Slater!
You listen to me, you're my wife
and no matter what happens I love you, all right?
I love baby Tommy and I'll love this baby just the same.
Just the same?
I have not been with anyone else!
And tomorrow, when you get your precious results
and you crawl back here to apologise, you'll be lucky if you still find me here!
-Don't be stupid.
-I'm not being stupid!
The stupid thing to do would be hanging around with someone that doesn't believe a word I say!
You might be putting up with being married to Kat Slater
but I reckon I'm through with being married to Alfie Moon!
That sink was clear a minute ago!
It's only my breakfast things.
-They should be washed up and left to drain!
-Hardly worth the bother.
-I've got to do my face.
-What do you think this is?
-A beauty parlour?
-I never saw the point of make-up, myself.
I mean, you can plaster a brick wall all you like,
but at the end of the day, it's still a brick wall.
You wear make-up!
Yeah, I know, darling,
but my brick wall ain't got as many cracks as yours.
Look, we've got to have a rota, I can't have this every morning.
I've got me routine to stick to.
-Where's my toast?
-I never knew it was yours!
I'm going to the cafe.
Don't go. I'll make you some new.
-No, it's OK, Mrs B.
-It'll be nice and hot!
No, it's OK, I'll see you later, all right?
What's he doing, living with a load of old women?
We're not ALL old.
You are going to have a little brother or sister.
You're going to have look out for 'em, cos you're going to be their big brother.
Their hero. And you'll always have Mummy.
Both of you.
If nothing else, you'll always have me.
You're mad. You don't need to do this.
Just ignore him. Dip! You know, you should be supporting him.
-I'll support him - when I'm carrying him, bleeding from the ring.
-Why did you let Michael talk you into this?
-He didn't. I want to do this.
-Dad'll be happy about that.
-That's why we never tell him.
What Michael said, it's rubbish. You're too raw for this, Ty.
He's in good shape. You should try some training yourself.
What shape will he be in after next week's fight?
-Come on, lower.
-Can't you just walk around, please?
Should I have to?
I should be able to leave my house at any time
without being subjected to sweaty, half-naked, young men.
-Well, this is boring.
-Open up the Emporium, then. We'll be doing this for ages, mate.
Right, what's next, boss?
Christian? What's next, mate?
I appear to have over-ordered on the tomatoes.
But it's OK, cos everyone likes tomato soup, don't they?
-(What do you think?)
Sometimes I wonder why I ever came to this country.
-He was mouthing off.
-It's the attitude, Syed,
the attitude and the remarks.
Nobody is polite here. Nobody has any kind of respect.
If we lived in Pakistan, things would have been so very different.
Your father certainly wouldn't have met that Jane Beale.
And I wouldn't have met Christian?
You came to England for a fresh start and we both know you love it here.
Tambo told me how much you cried during the royal wedding.
That was allergies.
So, come on, why are you here?
I want to see you.
Syed, I'm no fool, OK?
Come on, spit it out, I know you need something. What is it?
I want to contact Amira.
I'm serious about marrying Christian.
I know you don't approve but I need to do this, and I need your help. Do you know where she is?
No. Of course I don't.
Well, in that case I've no other option.
I'll have to see her father.
Qadim? You can't do that!
Syed, are you crazy?
That man wanted to kill you. He left Christian for dead!
He's my only chance of finding her.
-Mum, I know what I'm doing.
This is important to me.
I have to find Amira.
Thought it'd be safe to come down now.
Yeah, them poor kids have been through enough, haven't they?
Their mum's in prison, their dad's in Dubai,
we can spare them the sight of your legs.
Feel free to check them out, Pat.
I'm still thinking about that bloke on the TV last night,
celebrating his 110th birthday.
Think I'd rather shoot myself.
-Be all right if you still had your marbles.
-If I was 110,
I'd have a son of...90.
Yeah, and he'd still be chasing women.
So would I! If I could catch 'em.
That looks official.
It's probably Bianca.
I can't find it anywhere.
My pie dish.
Oh, Liam broke it.
Oh, no, I'll have to go to the shops.
You not in the cafe today, then?
Yes, I'm in this afternoon.
Why? Norman coming over later?
No. Why should he be?!
We're just friends.
Oh, touched a nerve.
I know, but you can still see your friends, can't you?
You could be friends with benefits.
Well, the only benefit he's likely to get is a slice of my pie.
If he's lucky.
-I have to, Mum.
-I could talk to him, ask him.
I'm not a little boy! He hates me but he'll want me to get divorced from Amira as much as I do.
-He'll hurt you!
-Don't upset your mother.
-It clearly is. You're shaking.
We're having a conversation. Me and my mother.
I'm concerned for her wellbeing, she's under too much stress.
-This has nothing to do with you.
-Don't go, that man is dangerous.
-Great, just great.
This is all you, is it? Pushing him to get a divorce from Amira?
It's got nothing to do with Christian! I'm going to see Qadim.
-We agreed you'd have no contact!
-No, I never agreed.
-You're going nowhere near him!
-Even he's talking sense.
-It's our only way to find Amira!
-The guy's nuts. Not happening, Sy.
Why does no-one think I'm capable of looking after myself?!
Fine. I'll stay married to Amira!
Tyler, give me five minutes!
I'm worried about your blood pressure.
I am not stressed, all right? I'm a mother. There is a difference!
Look at you, jittering away.
What's wrong? After all, you know the results anyway.
-Ain't your kid.
-It could be.
Could it? There's a turn-up for the books.
But then, your wife wouldn't be the little scrubber you think she is, would she?
When do you get your results?
I don't know, in about a half-hour or so.
Right, when you get them, you'll know where I am.
-How about the pictures?
-I can't tonight, it's my turn to baby-sit.
You're always baby-sitting. I'm starting to think you don't want to be seen out with me.
Don't be daft. But I'd be grateful if you watch your remarks with Pat.
I don't want her knowing my business.
She knows I stayed the night. What do you think she thought we were up to?
I don't want the kids asking any questions.
Have you always been like this?
-Frightened to have a life?
The clock's ticking, Carol.
Cast your mind back before kids and grandkids.
There must have been a time when you were happy being you.
-Don't make light of my life.
But life's for living, love.
Not for peering through a window at.
You really don't know, do you?
Get Whitney or Pat to baby-sit tonight.
You got a date in the back row with some popcorn.
I've just had your results e-mailed to me.
You know, you're my favourite kind of patient.
Sorry? I don't...
Some days, all I seem to do is give out bad news,
so it makes a nice change to do the opposite.
Congratulations, Mr Moon.
You mean the...
..it's my baby?
Either something's changed or they got your results wrong in Spain.
Your sperm count is lower than average but a lot higher than some.
There's no reason why this can't be your baby.
-I'm sorry, it's just...
-It's OK, take your time.
I might...I might be a dad!
You've got no idea, have you?
Best way, really.
Look at you, sitting there looking gorgeous, gurgling.
I can't get that out.
Looks like coffee, to me.
Coffee? She's eight years old! what's she doing with coffee in bed?
-This down to your granddaughter?
-Great-granddaughter. I know!
Don't look old enough, do I?
You got anything to get out a coffee stain?
Soap and elbow grease.
Hello, Cora, what are you doing here?
Just passing. Wondered what you was doing for lunch?
I was going home but I dread to think of the state of me kitchen.
I've decided to have an egg and cress at the cafe.
Pat, have you met Cora? She's my new paying guest.
Cora. Of course...
You're Tanya's mum, aren't you? I met you at the wedding.
Could I have a word.
-Excuse me, Pat.
Cora, I don't like to bring this up,
but you said yesterday, you was willing to pay a deposit.
I had the electricity bill in this morning, I could do with the money.
How much did we say that was for? £50, all in, 200 quid?
Ain't a problem, is there?
Actually, I was wondering if there was any shifts going here?
Oh, well, I'm sorry, we're fully-staffed.
Just an idea.
You can afford the deposit, can you?
'Course, 'course I can.
Maybe see you later at the cafe, yeah?
Your house must be getting as full as mine.
Well, you know me, Pat, I ain't one to pass by on the other side.
Especially when I see someone in need.
Hmm. I've given Carol and Eddie a bit of space.
Got a feeling I might need to buy a new hat come spring.
She ain't put him off, then?
Oh, no, she's doing her usual thing -
making out she ain't got any room in her life for a man
and how he must need his head testing to be even interested.
-But this one's got staying power.
The onion is being well and truly peeled.
-It doesn't have to be...
-I need to go to hospital!
-Kat. All right, sweetheart, listen,
I just want to say I'm sorry that I ever doubted you.
I know it ain't ideal,
but once we've fallen into a routine it'll be a lot better.
Yeah, I don't know, Mrs B. I think it's about time I hitched my wagon and moved on.
That's the last thing I want!
You know I've had a lot of upheaval in my life lately,
what with Jim going away and finding Rose.
And I know you don't want to be surrounded
by a lot of walking waxworks,
but I do like having you around, Arthur.
I know, but you've got Rose now. And that scary lady.
Ah, but I don't think that Cora is all she's letting on to be.
I may be a Christian but I ain't no fool, Arthur.
If she can't pay her way, she'll have to find somewhere else to live.
How about you just give it a couple of weeks?
Let the dust settle.
Just for me, huh?
All right. Just for you, though.
Jean, don't let Tommy out of your sight.
I won't, he'll be safe with me. Don't worry, Kat.
-Let's get you to the hospital.
-No. I don't want you near me.
-Yes, you do.
Nan, stay with me.
-I said I'm sorry...
-Get another cab!
Don't make it any worse for her, Alfie, please.
She'll be all right, won't she, Jean?
They both will be.
Oh! What must you think of me in my kimono at this time of day?
-What's all this?
-Just helping out.
-That boy next door is bringing your stuff in.
-All my worldly goods.
Not much to show for a life, is it?
Load of old tat, really.
I know what you mean.
I used to have three wardrobes full of lovely clothes.
I know what you're thinking.
But they made me feel good about myself.
-Guinness and Woodbine normally does it for me.
-No, Rose, not really!
I used to have a job as a hostess in a nightclub.
I had to look really smart.
The clientele was very select.
I loved that job.
-Best I've ever had.
-Why did you leave?
Fresher model come along?
-Sorry, after you.
There you go, Grandma.
If I was your grandmother, I would teach you better manners!
All right, all right.
It doesn't look like you broke anything.
So, then...what we agreed?
Go on, you can have anything you fancy.
Well, I have got my eye on something.
From a professional point of view.
-It's not my taste, but...
-You can make a few quid on it. Go on.
-Going to welch on a deal?
No, I'm not going back on what I said, but I'm not that green.
Those candlesticks are the only decent thing I've got.
I'm not giving them to you.
How about...selling them to me?
That means they're worth at least 300. Maybe 400.
I'm a trader, but I'm not in the habit of conning pensioners.
Good. Cos this pensioner knows where you live
and is in the habit of kneeing fellas where it hurts.
You caught it early. They can do something, make it all right.
No, it's too late. I know it is.
Kat, before you say anything, all right,
I ain't going anywhere.
Get off me!
-I don't need walking to the cafe.
-I know you don't.
I'm just trying to be a gentleman.
Does that apply to tonight, as well?
Yeah, I'll pick you up,
escort you to the cinema,
buy your ticket, buy your sweets.
And then...when I've got you sat down and the lights are out...
-it's every man for himself!
-I shouldn't have snapped at you.
Why do you always do that?
Why do you always make excuses for my behaviour? For what I say?
Maybe, because in my mind, you can do no wrong.
I wish you'd let me help you with family matters.
You're a good friend.
A dear friend. I know you've grown used to having an ineffectual husband,
but not all men are weak and shallow.
I appreciate your concern, but this is my family.
So, I take it you don't want Syed to find Amira?
I can understand why he's so keen to find his wife to move on with his life.
Syed will never marry that man.
If you are any friend of mine you'll agree with me on that.
Of course I do.
But it would be good to know where Amira is.
Not to tell Syed, of course, but to know.
Alfie. Alfie, here's Kat.
Eight to ten weeks, they said.
180, 200. There you go.
-I want a written receipt.
-Yes, of course.
I'll get my pad and pen. Oops!
Right, that's everything taken upstairs.
Thanks, darling. You're not a bad lad.
Very handy around the house, aren't you? HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
Is that everything? Cos the steeds need saddling up, back at the corral.
-He means he's got to get back to the car lot.
Oh, well, I think the steeds can wait for a few more minutes.
Rose, fetch the glasses!
-Cherry brandy, left over from last Christmas.
-I found it in one of me bags. Thought we might have a toast?
-Oh, no, I never touch alcohol.
Except perhaps for a sweet sherry - medicinal purposes.
Go on, bend the rules a bit.
I love cherry brandy.
And I like those chocolates that have the cherry liquor in them.
Actually, you know,
my lipstick is called Cherry Kiss.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Come on.
Here we go.
Thank you for taking me in.
Thank you for taking all of us in.
It's when your back's against the wall, you find true friendship.
-To friendship and to Dot!
-Oh, my days!
-Perhaps it was the Christmas before last!
I think it's nice.
Come on, careful.
There we go.
Keep the change, mate.
Oh, no, no!
Kat, I'm so sorry!
It's all right. No fuss.
-Come on, let's get you upstairs.
-No, I'm working. I'll carry on.
-The show must go on, Jean.
-Yes, darling, pint, yeah?
-Whoa, sorry, mate. Jean, sort this mess out, will ya?
Come on. You, upstairs.
-Yusef Khan. Salam alaikum.
Who are you?
I'm here on behalf of the Masood family.
My daughter is married to their son.
Their younger son.
I have nothing to say to you.
That's completely understandable.
I don't think I made myself clear.
If you don't leave, I will take great pleasure in having you removed.
Hear me out. All I want is to talk.
I want to help you.
I don't need your help.
Cards on the table.
I want you to help me.
You know they say it's not really a baby till it's born, don't they?
Is that what they say?
You know, we can always try for another one.
-I don't mean straightaway.
But now we know I can have a kid, we can keep trying,
well, at least till it works, yeah?
Why'd you want to have a baby with me? You've made it clear what you feel about me.
-That was before.
-Someone who loved me, who proper loved me - if I told them I was pregnant,
they wouldn't think it was someone else's.
You know I love you.
No, I don't, I don't.
Cos you don't make me feel like you do.
That's cos you're just feeling emotional.
In a few days, when things have calmed down,
when you've had a chance to talk about...
You've been great with Tommy.
Better than any man could be.
But I know how much it would mean to you to have your own son or daughter.
So, I want you to get out there,
and find yourself a nice, clean girl.
Do whatever you can to get her into bed and get her pregnant.
-And it don't have to be one night.
You can have an affair with her.
And if you want, I'll give you a divorce and you can be a family.
Cos that's the only way you're going to have a kid.
Because this is never going to happen to me again.
I'm not talking about right now, OK?
Just listen to me. A few months. Maybe even a few years.
No, I mean it, Alfie.
I can't go through this again.
I can't think I've got a baby.
I can't give birth again.
And I can't lose it again.
I'll let you get some rest.
Kat, I'm going to prove to you...
I love you.
I have nothing but contempt for Syed and his life choice.
As I've said, my daughter is married to his brother.
If he treated her the way Syed has treated your daughter,
I wouldn't rest till I'd killed him with my own hands.
There was a time I felt the same way.
You must still want to hurt him?
To make him suffer?
I think he's a lot like his father - weak, ineffectual.
If you feel that way, why did you agree
to your daughter marrying his son?
Daughters can be disrespectful.
I can't see how it serves any purpose
for your daughter to still be tied to Syed.
That family brought disgrace on my daughter.
Divorce would bring further disgrace.
I was divorced...
..before I married Afia's mother.
It took many years for me to move on.
But I did.
My first wife disgraced me.
I know how you're feeling, how Amira feels.
I used to hate my first wife.
You no longer hate her?
I hated her for what she did.
For humiliating me and my family.
I'll always hate her for that.
But I see now that she was weak, easily swayed.
That's just the kind of woman she is.
But I had to move on with my life...
to be free of her.
Tell Amira Syed wants to talk to her.
Free your daughter.
Get her to contact his mother, perhaps.
I don't want my daughter being contaminated
any more than she already has.
If anything, I thought you'd be pleased I wanted to find Amira.
I know you think you're more into this marriage than I am, but...
We'll find Amira another way.
-Things have a way of sorting themselves out, Sy.
I'm the guy that fell in love with a Muslim, in the closet, with a wife.
Trust me, things have a way of working themselves out.
Just got to have faith.
You know, I'm...I'm a doctor.
If I wanted to track Amira down, I could.
True, it would be unethical, but I am prepared to do so.
Let Syed think he's getting his way.
At the moment, he's reuniting with his family,
living with that man who helped break your daughter's heart.
Let him have his divorce, free your innocent daughter.
Then let me make sure
he's ripped from the support of his family for ever.
Let me avenge your humiliation.
And your daughter's pain and suffering.
It was weird. They just... It's crazy.
It's nice, though.
-Got to have a bit of attention once in a while, ain't you?
Let's go and have a cup of tea.
-And you actually spoke to Qadim?
-Yes. I wasn't exactly well received.
But we talked things through. And I'd expect Amira to be in touch very soon.
Oh, come on, that's great, isn't it?
What have I missed?
Yusef went to see Qadim for us.
-And it sounds like he might have actually got somewhere.
-Which is great, isn't it?
Yes, that's great.
Right, well, I'd better get back to work.
I read that if you stand at the bottom of a well and look up, yeah,
-you can actually see the stars, even in daylight.
-We should try it.
-We need to find a well first, don't we, bruv.
You know, sometimes I wonder if you two actually sprung from my loins.
-Did our father actually just talk about his loins?
-I think he did.
-All right, ladies?
-Mind if I join you?
-Pull up a chair. Join the celebration.
-Tyler's been confirmed as the missing link, has he?
Actually, we're celebrating ripping off little old ladies.
-Oi, oi? Keep your voice down, will you?
What you been up to?
Let's just say a little bit of gold landed in our lap,
-courtesy of Dot's new lodger.
-Right, there we go. Three specials.
Oh, and the same for Michael.
Yes, sir. Food to your liking, sir?
Between you and me, I don't come here for the food.
-Oh, is that right?
-Yes. I've got a bit of a thing for one of the staff.
-Shame. Marie's already spoken for.
You got owned! Sorry.
Shut up and eat your lunch,
otherwise I'll start talking about my loins again.
Right, here you go. Take that, and, yeah, I'm sure you'll be very happy.
All right, drive safe. Take care.
I thought I told you not to interfere in my family business.
I'm sorry, I thought it was great news.
If I acted out of turn, I apologise.
And I didn't want you to find out like that.
-Didn't want me to find out at all!
-I know you don't like it.
Nor do I. But if Syed and Christian want to get married, there's nothing you can do.
Syed's happiness is all that matters.
So I would very much appreciate it if you would stay out of matters that don't concern you.
Are you sure you're entitled to such a long dinner break on your first day?
Oh, yes, Dr Khan is very, very easy-going.
Well, don't you go taking advantage of his good nature. Remember, you're only temporary.
-You've changed your tune.
-I may not be happy about you working there, but we need every penny we can get.
I wish I could help more. I've got nothing left to sell.
Let me buy you lunch, ladies.
-How charming of you.
-It can't be easy, living off a pension.
Still, at least you got the money from Dad. Keep you going for a bit.
200 quid? You've got to be joking, haven't you?
Oh, I heard they were worth a lot more than that.
But I don't know. I mean, I don't get involved in Dad's business. Beginner.
-What you doing down?
-What's it look like? Working.
-Yeah, I know, but you're supposed to be...
-No fuss, Alfie.
The barrel needs changing and we need some more mixers, OK?
Yes, love, what can I get you?
A pint, please.
Do you think Dr Khan will be all right
with you using your work computer for your personal purposes?
Yes. It'll be fine.
There's my candlesticks.
I think we should pay Mr Moon a little visit.
-Going somewhere, Mrs Cotton?
-No, just seeing these ladies out.
I think we're better off without her.
One smile and her legs turn to jelly.
Oh, Dr Khan, I replied to that drinks invitation you had for tomorrow afternoon.
I thought I told you not to bother.
I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood.
And I put you down for a plus-one
in case you wanted to take someone along.
Why would you go to Yusef for help?
I didn't. He went to see Qadim off his own bat.
That's what he does! He ingratiates himself.
He worms his way in.
Makes people indebted to him.
-Why didn't you come to me? I'm still your father.
-I know. I'm sorry.
Amira was like a daughter to me.
I'm no happier about Yusef getting involved than you are.
But if it gets results, then that's all that matters.
-Oh, looks like trouble.
-Fiver on the old biddies.
Good afternoon, ladies, what can I do for you?
You can cut the flannel for a start.
You know why we're here. Your boy ripped me off.
-I gave you a good...
-I'm talking to the organ grinder, not the monkey.
What my friend means is that there has been a little misunderstanding.
The little misunderstanding being, you ripped me off.
There's obviously been a misunderstanding. We're a reputable business.
We checked the price on the Internet.
Those candlesticks are worth a grand.
So if you know what's good for you, you'll give me what you owe me.
And don't think I'm scared of Tweedledum and Tweedle Dumber there.
There's no need for that sort of talking, Cora.
I'm sure that Mr Moon here will rectify his mistake.
Well, you've put me in a very difficult position, ladies.
I'd like to help, I really would. But, as they say... "Buyer Beware".
You'd better beware unless you put this right.
I tell you what, I'll give you 200 quid extra...
as a gesture of goodwill.
I want what I'm owed.
Now, that's my final offer.
Take it or leave it.
-They're worth a lot more.
-Maybe they are. If I can find a buyer.
But I'd say that 500 is a fair price.
-Pleasure doing business with you, ladies.
-You are a highly disreputable man.
Don't think you've heard the last of this.
Oh, come on, Cora, it's over now.
Let us not stoop to their level.
I think that worked out quite well, considering.
I don't know what site they're looking at,
but those candlesticks are worth eight grand a pair!
All right, ladies?
-Ripped off any old biddies lately?
-You just missed the fireworks.
Yeah, Dot and her pit bull wanted more cash. Blasted Internet.
"You are a highly disreputable man."
-What happened then?
-He sent them packing, didn't he?
Yeah, and a few quid in their pocket to keep them quiet.
Yeah, so we can all sleep easy now.
Such a bleeding heart.
With the money we make from that sale,
we'll be able to pay off our creditors.
So, yeah, I'll sleep very well, thank you.
I didn't know we had any creditors!
Just one of life's little realities that I protect you from.
Come on, Tyler, let's load up.
Be good to have some extra cash floating around next week.
Michael, honestly, do you really think he's up to it?
Golden Boy? Yeah, course.
Don't tell anyone, but just to make sure, I've set him up with a right mug.
Anyone with a bit of extra cash, a bit of insider knowledge will make a killing.
Don't tell anyone, though. Keep it between us.
And Yusef has no right getting involved.
I agree, OK. And I made sure that he understood that.
And you haven't heard anything from Amira?
But if I did, if she were to get in contact, then...
..think there's a hope that there might be some kind of reconciliation?
I think that ship has sailed, Zee.
Yeah. Of course.
But you know, I don't want to see Syed getting hurt again.
What are you saying?
If Amira were to make contact, then is it the right thing to do to pass on her details to Syed?
Well, yes. Of course. If that's what Syed wants.
-And we want to make Syed happy, right?
And then there's Amira. I mean, she's the innocent party in all of this.
She should be free to move on with her life, shouldn't she?
Yeah. Just ignore me. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.
..there's so much going on and it came as such a shock to me, you know.
I could go and see Qadim if you like.
Save you having to go through all of this.
I can cope.
So it's 1900, silver, with a 15-jewel escapement movement.
-You know your stuff.
-It was Harry's pride and joy.
He used to bang on about it.
The movement's knackered, though.
That was Harry all over.
-I reckon it's worth a few hundred to the right buyer.
-So that's where I come in.
I thought with your contacts...
All right. Well, leave it with me. I'll see if I can get it working.
I'm sure we can come a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Ooh. I like the sound of that.
Tell you what, why don't you let me take you for a drink and we can discuss terms.
What would Carol say about that?
Well, I wasn't planning on inviting her.
Come on, it's just a drink.
-Or do you have to get Carol's permission to go out for a drink with a pal these days?
Maybe another time.
-And I'll let you know about the watch.
-I've got no more clients, so I'm going to head off.
-Everything all right?
-Yeah, yeah. Great.
-Yeah, great. Great. Great.
You are all right with me being here?
Yeah, yeah, course. Yeah, whatever Jack says, goes.
I dunno, just maybe...
Just try and fit in a bit.
Don't worry, love, I'll turn the camp dial down to a ten.
-See you later.
Ray. Hello, mate. Michael Moon.
Yeah, not bad, not bad. I need ring girls for next Tuesday.
Actually, Ray, can I call you back?
Something's come up.
Shut the door.
That does not look like the face of someone with good news.
Your father is one tough nut to crack.
That's not news I want to hear. Maybe I should find someone who's up to it.
I'm up to the job. It just might take a little longer than I thought.
-We don't have time.
-You can't rush it!
Look, I need Carol to dump him next week.
You need to up your game, lady.
..to be precise. Otherwise you don't get paid.
Oh, and Jodie, she gets married in a dress from a boot sale.
I don't like Mondays.
So you need to get back out there, don't you?
And do what I'm paying you to do.
Oh, and I'll be docking you for that watch an' all.
Hey, here he is.
-Looking good, champ. Looking good.
-Show us your guns.
-Thought I'd get some training in.
-Yeah, good man.
-Got to get in shape for the big day, right?
-Yeah, you're going to walk it.
-Yeah, we've got like four days left.
-You will be brilliant.
You sure I'm ready for this?
-The other geezer don't stand a chance, Ty.
-Come on, get in the game. Get in the game.
Excuse me, I've got to take this.
-'Dr Kahn, your next patient is here.'
Send them through.
-All right, what you doing here?
-Getting my tickets for Tuesday.
-All set for the big day?
Yep, the other bloke don't stand a chance.
-How come your name's not on here?
-Weren't important enough to make a billing.
-It's only my second fight, innit?
-Dad wouldn't approve. Thinks I'm too hot-headed to be good.
-But Michael thinks otherwise?
Yeah. Yeah, he's been great.
He's fast-tracking my training. Pushing me and all that.
He said, after I win this one, we can get some proper fights.
Like, licensed and that.
-You won't say anything to Dad, will you?
No. 'Course not.
-He has enough problems with his business and all that.
-You're a dark horse, ain't you?
-I shouldn't have said anything.
-Don't worry, your secret's safe. And congratulations.
-Congratulations? What are we celebrating?
-None of your business.
No, it's all right. Don't expect you to keep secrets from Alfie. Me and Sy, getting hitched.
Shut up! That's great news! It needs announcing.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Ow! What do you do that for?
-It's supposed to be a secret.
-Sorry, mate, schtum.
No, it's just we've got to get a few things sorted, you know. Like Sy's divorce.
-Just a minor problem, then!
-Yeah, I'm sure you'll sort it out.
You know, love conquers all. If you want to take a break and put your feet up...
I'd make sure I checked the paperwork if I were you.
Alfie tried to pull the "I'm divorced" stroke on me when we got married.
-Well, I was, technically, a little bit married, I suppose.
He got a fake registrar. Fake snow.
In fact, everything was fake.
No, no, sweetheart, not everything was fake.
You know, I should even probably get my ring checked over, make sure that's not fake and all.
KNOCK ON DOOR
-I wanted to apologise for earlier.
-There's really no need.
And also to hold out an olive branch.
I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me to a function tomorrow afternoon?
It's a tedious medical drinks thing and I'm committed to a plus-one
and you'd be saving me from having to take my septuagenarian receptionist.
That sounds very interesting.
Why don't we go into the kitchen and we can discuss it over a cup of tea.
She called earlier.
I'm sorry. This is all my fault.
I was thinking of destroying it.
I suppose you think I'm awful.
I suppose you think that Masood's right, as well.
That I should tell Syed about this.
-Masood knows about this?
-Not that Amira got in contact, no.
So what are you going to do?
Er...I agree with Masood, you know, it's the right thing to do.
Syed is our son, after all.
He deserves to be happy, but...
..if I tell him...
then the wedding...
that could go ahead.
Then don't tell him.
-Maybe I was wrong for interfering. Maybe you were right.
Maybe this is what's best for Syed.
And if you believe it's the right thing to do for your family, then...
-And you wouldn't tell anyone?
-No-one need ever know.
I could probably do a deal on the catering. I've got a great idea,
how about I get two of those plastic bridegrooms and stick them on the cake?
Which part of "no fuss" do you not understand?
I know, but sometimes, people say one thing when they really mean another, don't they?
You know, Alfie, that is really sweet of you.
Once everything is sorted out, you'll be the first to know.
-See? Master of knowing what people are thinking.
-Is that right?
-It's a gift.
So what am I thinking?
-I don't know, I've used up all my powers for the day.
-What a surprise.
No, OK, I can do this.
OK. Make your mind go blank. That was quick.
Get on with it!
All right. You're thinking... Oh, I can't say that, you saucy mare,
not in public. What's the matter with you?
What am I really thinking? Concentrate really hard.
OK, all right.
You're thinking your husband is the best husband in the whole wide world.
See, I told you he was a fake.
No, I tell you what, I'm getting...
Ooh, all the powers are coming back to me all of a sudden...
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking your husband is an inconsiderate fool, who's always putting his foot in it.
Even though he doesn't mean to.
And it ain't enough he knows he's really hurt you.
But deep down... he knows you'll forgive him.
Because you know how much he loves you.
And that you love him, too.
Looks like Nan's got competition after all!
Skiving off early?
I wish. Just off to get more stock.
Oh. Busy day?
Well, the motors are flying out. And the commission flying in.
How you getting on with your half of the cash?
Yep, it's all in hand.
-It's good to see you working so hard, Darren.
-Can't let Jodie down, can we?
No, we can't. So you do whatever it takes, right?
Well, within reason, obviously.
-Well, I'll catch you later.
I was just going to call you.
See if you wanted to go out for dinner later.
Oh, right, spend some of your ill-gotten gains?
Yeah, I've just had a interesting chat with Dot.
It's just business. It's nothing personal.
They're pensioners, Eddie.
And I'm a businessman.
-I need the proceeds of that sale to keep this place afloat.
-So that justifies what you did?
-We all have to make a living.
-Off the misfortune of others?
If needs be.
Right, well that gentleman act didn't last very long, did it?
Or is that just reserved for getting women in the back row of the cinema?
-I threw some extra cash at them, didn't I?
-Oh, right, well that is very big of you.
Look, it's all done and dusted. Just let me take you out for dinner.
-Do you seriously think I want to profit from your blood money?
-Now you're just overreacting.
Excuse me? I've just found out that the man I'm seeing is no better than a common thief.
-Watch what you're saying.
-If you pull any more stunts like that round here, you want to watch your back.
Oi. What you doing?
Painting the Sistine Chapel. What does it look like?
Listen, I want to thank you for letting it go the other night. I messed up.
You're a bigger person than me and I thank you for that,
cos I know that me and you, we'll get through this together.
You're still sleeping on the sofa.
What? No, hold on. But I thought...
-You thought what?
-Well, the way we were in the bar earlier.
Having a laugh and a joke. With Christian. Me and you.
-It's like the old magic, ain't it?
-It's called pretending, Alfie.
Pretending everything's all right.
-Kat, please. Oh...
-And that's exactly what we're going to do.
Pretend everything's all right.
Give the punters what they want.
The Kat and Alfie Show.
So, come on, the next performance is about to start.
Everything going to plan?
Well, that depends. On what the plan is.
Unlicensed fights? Classy.
I suppose it's a coincidence this fight happens on the day you want Carol to dump Eddie.
Who are you - Miss Marple?
I do not want to get involved in anything illegal.
So you draw the line at the immoral, do you?
What do you call goading your brother into a fight he's not ready for?
Tyler can look after himself.
I've heard about these unlicensed fights. Less red tape. Less rules.
He could get seriously hurt.
Is that what you want?
For Tyler to get hurt?
Oh, you're sick.
What the hell are you playing at?
-Do you know what? Get someone else to play your games.
It's funny how dates stick...
..in the mind, don't you think?
I'll give you an example.
6th July, 1989. My driving test.
I passed, first time.
10th May, 1980.
West Ham won the cup. Trevor Brooking, header...
..as I recall.
The day my beloved dad killed my mother.
While Eddie was out getting hammered, my mum...
..was at home, eating sleeping pills.
Oh, she killed herself.
HE MAY AS WELL HAVE POURED THE PILLS DOWN HER NECK!
SHE DID IT BECAUSE OF HIM! BECAUSE OF HIM!
BECAUSE OF WHO HE IS! BECAUSE OF THE MAN HE IS!
BECAUSE OF THE EVIL PIECE OF SCUM...
..that he is.
Yeah. Clever girl.
And that's quite good, innit? It's quite fitting.
33 years of pain...
..about to come crashing home in one beautiful moment.
And you don't care who gets hurt in the process?
All that matters is that he suffers...
Oh, he suffers like I've suffered.
And if you...
..don't want to break Jodie's heart...
..then you'll do your bit.
RADIO BLARES: # Run to the hills
# Run for your life
# Run to the hills
# Run for your life... #
What is...? Oi!
You on the move?
Well, if I am, this is the first I've heard of it.
Shift this lot will you. This gaff couldn't half do with a clean.
-I'm not your slave.
-No, you're a freeloading waste of space.
Just cos you're in a bad mood, don't take it out on her.
-If you give me earache, I'll take it out on you instead.
-Come on then, I'd like to see you try.
Well, there's no place like home.
SHIRLEY AND HEATHER:. Ben!
You'll wear a hole in that if you're not careful.
You look like you've got the worries of the world on your shoulders.
Just another day in paradise.
Carol and me had a bit of an argument.
Well, that's relationships for you, innit?
Well, mine anyway.
We always think we're going to learn from our mistakes, but we never do.
Before you know it, you're knocking on 40
and living out of a suitcase in a B & B.
I'm sorry I was a bit harsh on you yesterday.
Forget about it. I have.
-Any news on the watch?
-Not yet. Excuse me.
-That looked cosy.
-Yeah, lining up your next victim?
Look, when you want to talk to me properly, you know where I am.
And how did you sleep?
Oh, very well, thank you. The pills really helped.
So your conscience must be clear.
And, um, what are you doing when your shift finishes?
Nothing in particular. Why?
I was wondering if, maybe, you'd accompany me
to that drinks reception after all.
Oh, I don't think that would be such a good idea.
-I thought you'd relish the chance to escape this drudgery.
-My life is drudgery now?
No, you live the life of luxury in a big palace
with flunkies to cater to your every whim.
Come on, live a little, it'll be fun. You deserve it.
I've not really got anything nice to wear, so...
What about that outfit you wore for the mehndi?
I can't be expected to just drop everything. I mean, what about Kamil?
Well, I'm sure Masood won't mind spending some more time with his son.
I'll pick you up at three.
Why didn't you tell us you were coming back? We'd have picked you up.
-I didn't want a fuss.
-Hark at Mr Independent here.
So, what made you decide to come back?
I had no choice really. You know, school,
and, well, my probation's over.
-Do you think he's grown?
-He's only been gone four months.
Fur months is a long time at that age, innit?
-It is at any age living with you.
-Have you started shaving?
Give him a break. He said he don't want a fuss.
-I'm going down the club. Do you want to come?.
-No, you're all right.
I've got to head out and catch up with Jay.
-What are you doing here?
SHE HUMS "TEQUILA" BY THE CHAMPS
They're barely talking to one another.
This is not good.
-It's no good them breaking up now. I need them together, I need them strong.
-What, for Tuesday?
-Maybe we should just call it off, then.
-What, ere you stupid?
Miss all the fun
of seeing him crushed?
No, no, no. What do we do now?
What do we do now? You back off him a bit.
Give me time to get them back together.
You are seriously twisted, you know that?
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're in the clear because I got Paul to drop the charges. Yeah, don't ask...
-And then I remembered I'd borrowed 200 quid off you, so...
You didn't think I'd nicked it, did you?
-So what are we going to do now, then?
Yeah, I thought you might want to take me to lunch.
No, I've got my accounts to do, thank you.
What? This lot?
Mandy, put them down, please.
Pick 'em up.
-That suits you.
Probably playing with her dolls. Who's this, then?
This is Duncan from the gym.
-All right, Duncan from the gym. I'm Lola from the block.
So, Lola from the block, have you and Abi got any plans after school?
-We could come down the gym.
-A gym's no place for girls.
Got to keep your mind on the fight. Stay focused.
Well, we could always hang out somewhere else,
-somewhere with no distractions.
-So, did you miss me then?
-Ben. All right, son. How are you? You're looking well.
So this is the great Ben Mitchell?
Not what I was expecting at all.
-Right, and who are you?
-I'm your second cousin, three times removed.
-Oh, is that all?
We should be, er, getting back to the gym.
-This is Duncan. He's like the next big thing.
-Oh, is that right?
-So they say.
-I suppose I should get back to school.
-Tell Abi I'll catch up with her later.
-You can come down
the park if you want. As long as you bring a bottle of cider.
I can do better than that. Look, why don't you lot come over to ours. We've got video games, pool, beers.
-Cos I'm sure Phil's going to love that, ain't he?
-It'll be fine.
Dad's so pleased to have me back he'll put up with just about anything. Even you.
Three, two, one, go...
Whoo! One for luck?
No. I've got to pick Bobby up from school.
OK, well, um,
-you're going to have to do a forfeit.
-What sort of forfeit?
Well, if you're not going to drink the tequila,
you're going to have to eat what's in the bottom of the bottle.
-Hold on a minute, that's a worm, innit?
-No way. No way.
-Oh, come on, it's no big deal.
-If it's no big deal, you eat it.
-All right, we'll share.
How are you going to get it out the bottle?
You're going to have to clean that up!
-I hope there's no glass on that.
It's not bad.
Tastes like chicken.
Go on, your turn.
Oh, that is... Oh, that's disgusting.
I can't believe you just did that.
That is disgusting.
That is so irresponsible.
Yeah, but totally hilarious.
Your face. You was like...
I have to go and get Bobby.
All right, cool. I'll come with you.
No, um, you stay here.
This needs clearing up before he come home.
-Yes, sir. Let me.
-There you go.
Right, I won't be long. But please...
-You think it's all right, what he did to Cora and Dot?
I'm just saying that you two have got a good thing.
And it'd be a shame to see it spoiled.
He knows where I am if he wants to talk to me.
And you know he's as stubborn as you are, don't you?
Just talk to him.
-Can I get you a drink?
-Oh, yeah, thanks.
-Vodka tonic, please.
-Oh, great, two vodka tonics, please.
Must be a really hard time for you.
Well, I've had better. And worse.
I might be able to help.
-I've decided to start up a cleaning business.
And, well, I thought you might like a job.
What, as a cleaner?
You'd be in very good company.
I mean, Heather's on board already.
I don't think I've sunk that low just yet.
No, no, I'm sure the offers are just rolling in.
Still, no doubt your next meal ticket will be along soon.
Unless you've met him already?
You and Eddie looked very cosy in the cafe earlier.
-Me and Eddie are just mates.
-So that'll be why
-you were reeling him in with that sob story.
-I think your imagination's working overtime.
I don't think so.
I know a gold-digger when I see one. You know, been there done that.
Don't judge everybody by your standards.
Oh, no, see that's where you're going wrong.
Someone in your situation can't really afford to have standards.
And let me give you a few pointers, free of charge.
You know, I am particularly experienced in the older man market
and if I was trying to sucker Eddie, I would have him hook, line and sinker by now.
Eddie would never go for a cheap little tart like you.
Oh, what's this? Dear, oh, dear. Jealousy?
Now you've broken the first rule of gold-digging -
never fall for your victim.
-What do you want for your tea?
-So, do you like them?
-Yeah. They're great, thanks.
Ah, don't thank me. Thank your dad. He paid for them.
-So it's only fair he gets the first soaking, right?
Argh, it's cold!
Arrgh, that is so cold.
Oh, you two... I tell you what, you are so...so going to get it!
-Should have thought about it a bit more.
Er. Right, OK.
-Nah, it's not happening today.
Aw, what's the matter? You feeling like a spare part?
You think you're the right business, don't you?
No. I know I am.
Yeah, well I'm back now.
So... it's time to take a step down the ladder.
Who's up for a bit of boxing?
Don't mind, babe, if I have a game of boxing?
-I'm really sorry, Janine.
Blimey, you've, er, grown.
Mandy?! What are you doing here?
Well, I was just passing through.
Thought I'd look up some old friends.
You were next on my list.
Oh, yeah, right.
Well, I'm a little bit too big for you to bully these days.
Still, it's nice to see that you're doing so well for yourself.
I should be going.
She's, um, staying with me.
Ooh. In what capacity exactly?
Oh, do stay. I really love to talk about old times.
I really hope that you're all going to be very happy together.
We should go sort Bobby's tea out.
Come on, Munchkin.
Seconds out. Round three.
I thought that maybe we could go for a drink later.
Oh, you're talking to me now?
I was talking to you before.
That wasn't talking. That was sniping.
So what do you want? A grovelling apology?
Well, a simple "I'm sorry" would suffice.
All right. I'm sorry that I went off at you like that.
See? That didn't hurt much, did it?
And? Haven't you got something to say to me?
Don't think so. Got nothing to apologise for.
You tell that to Dot when she can't pay her bills next month.
Look, I've got a busy afternoon.
I'm expecting a delivery to arrive
and I need to find a buyer for Vanessa's watch.
What is it with you and her?
Oh, so it's shifted from moral outrage
to jealousy and paranoia.
-I'm really glad you popped in.
-I don't know why I bothered.
-You know where the door is.
-Yeah, I do.
I see what Jay means.
You're pretty good.
Yeah, it's all about focus.
Are you going to be much longer?
TV DROWNS OUT SPEECH
And that's how you do it.
Now how about I show you what I can do, eh?
I've only got to win two more bouts and I'm World Champion. Come on, Ben.
Yeah, all right, mate.
Line yourself up.
Right, we're in. Let's go.
-You're going to lose.
-Mate, get out my earhole.
-You're going to lose, Ben.
-Shut up, mate.
I'm so sorry.
Is it just me, or is everyone staring at us?
No, they're staring, all right.
Wow, that's fine, then.
Yusef, I am seriously overdressed.
You look sublime.
They're just not used to seeing me with someone.
Still, gives them something to gossip about, I suppose.
You know me, I can't abide gossips.
If you'll excuse me, I need to do some networking.
-You're leaving me?
-I won't be long.
Enjoy the hospitality. And mingle.
I can do mingling. How hard can mingling be?
-You'll soon get used to it.
Being abandoned at these things.
It's as dull as dishwater, but one has to do one's duty.
Yes, stiff upper lip and all that.
And, these events aside, it's not all bad being the doctor's wife.
Free upgrades on flights.
Medical care on tap.
Oh and, of course, not forgetting a certain social standing.
Yes, I suppose it has its perks.
So how long have you and Dr Khan been married?
Well, if you're bored, Liam, go and play with your mates.
-Don't fancy it.
-Well, you can't stay here.
I could go and see if Eddie needs some help with his stock.
Because he's busy. He doesn't want you in the way.
-But he likes it when I help out.
-Just go home, Liam.
It's always the kids that suffer.
-I don't need you guilt-tripping me.
-As if I would.
-The boy's obviously very fond of Dad.
-Yeah, well Liam's not the one who has to put up with his moods.
You still not talking, then?
I don't think it's any of your business, Michael.
Do you want to know what Dad's problem is?
-Of what exactly?
Of being with someone. And of being alone.
Well, that's really helpful.
That's why it never worked out with his second wife.
He couldn't let her in and he couldn't let her go. So she just walked.
Yeah, well, right now, I don't blame her.
-You don't mean that.
-No, no, you don't.
Cos I've seen the way you two are together.
I've seen the way he looks at you.
So what am I supposed to do?
Put up with his moods while he figures it out?
-Well, that depends on how much you love him.
I think you're jumping the gun there a little bit.
Sorry, course. We won't use the L-word.
Don't want people getting the wrong idea.
If you like him... If you like him as much as I think you do,
then you'll figure out a way
to make him see sense.
And Yusef wore red and gold
and he arrived on a white horse and there were dancers and drummers.
-Well, there'll certainly be a few green-eyed monsters here today.
Oh, yes. Yusef was one of the few remaining eligible bachelors.
And quite a catch.
I suppose he is.
And you haven't been married before?
Yusef is my first husband.
And last, I hope.
Alison. Lovely to see you.
I was just chatting to Leonard.
-That must have been fascinating for you.
-It was enlightening.
And he was singing your praises as usual.
Could I borrow my wife a moment?
Word soon spreads at these things.
I'm so sorry.
She just assumed and I thought it would be rude to correct her.
I didn't want to make a faux pas or cause a scene.
You're not angry with me, are you?
As good as new. And I think I've found us a buyer.
You don't hang about.
I guessed you'd want a quick sale with Jodie's wedding coming.
Yeah, I need every penny I can get.
Just hope it's all worth it. Last the distance, you know.
You haven't tried to put her off, then?
Warned her of the perils of married life?
I've been sorely tempted, but you know what it's like at that age.
The triumph of hope over experience.
If you could do it all over again, would you do anything differently?
It can't have been all bad.
Well, maybe just the bad bits then.
-A few of those were there?
-Just a few.
You and me both. I've stuffed up more times than I can remember.
No matter how hard you try and forget about all the bad stuff,
you know, ignore it, pretend it doesn't matter,
that it's not your fault, it's just always there, you know,
I'm sorry. I'm not even making any sense.
I think it's all the...the stress of Jodie's wedding.
It's playing havoc with me nerves.
I should probably go.
Have a drink.
Tyler always keep some handy.
For the calming of the nerves and the drowning of the sorrows.
-Were did you honeymoon?
It holds such a special significance for us both
it seemed like a natural choice.
And we hope to go there again one day. For another visit.
That would probably not be for a while.
What with Yusef's busy practice and my charity work.
Zainab's very active in the community.
Oh, well you should come over for dinner some time.
-Alison's always organising some charity event or other.
-That would be lovely.
And then you can tell us more about how you managed to nab this one.
I never thought he was the "marrying again" type.
You know, Alison, neither did I.
But then sometimes someone can come into your life
and change your way of thinking.
Your very way of being.
Like a jolt of lightning that wakes you up from a slumber
you never even noticed you were in.
And then you realise that everything in your life up to that point
was merely a rehearsal for that one, magical, perfect moment.
Pretty damned smitten, I'd say.
Well, I think it's time we were leaving.
Can't wait to get the new bride home, eh? Don't blame you.
-Nice to meet you.
-To hell with relationships, that's what I say.
-To hell with relationships.
Not sure Carol would appreciate that toast.
Carol's not here.
And you shouldn't be either.
But I am, Eddie.
Here and now.
Is, er, Shirl about?
Yeah, she's doing dinner.
So you glad to be back?
Yeah. I couldn't stay with Gran forever, could I?
Anyway, she was doing my head in.
Yeah, she, er...
She rang earlier. Said how she thought it was time you came back.
You know, got on with things.
So it's, er, a fresh start, eh?
Yeah. Why not.
-How's your afternoon been?
-Good. It was like I was never away.
I had a wonderful time. Thank you.
Having you there certainly livened things up.
Well, you were right, you know, it's good to escape once in a while.
Well, I should, er... I should get going.
Yes, of course.
What are you doing?!
-Zainab, you're a married woman!
-I'm so sorry.
-If you weren't married,
-that would be different.
-Please, forgive me, I'm very sorry.
I think maybe you got carried away with the pretence.
The door was open.
I was just about to head off.
Just...just, er, hear me out. Please.
I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to be with,
God knows you try the patience of a saint, at times...
and I know you're scared,
you know, scared that this is going somewhere,
scared that it's not going somewhere,
but, see, that's all right, cos I am too.
In fact, I'm petrified.
But, you see, I think what we've got is just too good to throw away.
But if you don't then that's fine. You know, I'll walk away now.
Save us both the heartache.
But you, um...
you need to know that I love you.
You ridiculous, frustrating, annoying, man.
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Alfie is knocked for six after receiving some miraculous news but his joy is tragically short-lived when Kat is rushed to hospital. Vanessa is left horrified when she discovers the full extent of Michael's plans for revenge against Eddie. Meanwhile Yusef takes it upon himself to help Syed and Christian by paying Qadim a visit much to Zainab's displeasure. Michael delights in causing mischief by informing Cora that she's been conned by Anthony over a recent sale and Dot is landed with yet another housemate much to Fat Boy's concern.