01/09/2011 EastEnders

PHONE RINGS

Right, lunch break over, boys. Back to work.

I thought this was our belated father and son time?

Seeing as you missed my birthday to go and buy stock.

-Aww, does Ant want Dad to crack open the jelly?

-Go.

-PHONE RINGS

-Have you told Kat?

-Told Kat what?

That Shenice is allowed to stay.

No, no, no. Just keep it schtum, I'm going to surprise her later.

Can you just tell me please?

-Why has she summoned us?

-It's a surprise. Just wait.

Just relax. Nothing your big commission raise can't cover.

Vanessa... KNOCK ON DOOR

Look at you, early birds. I was going to surprise you.

Pops, you are literally going to have a heart attack.

You always give me heart attacks, Jodes.

What's happening?

Right, two each. On my signal.

-Vanessa, I need a word.

-Sssh!

Mum, Darren, now!

CHEERING

Hello, my gorgeous bridesmaids!

THEY SCREAM

-What?

-My rise in commission - it's only 2%.

What?!

I said no. He's sleeping.

And I don't care.

It's...erm... it's not what it looks...

I've been standing outside the chippy for ages. Don't think cos you ain't opening, I ain't getting paid.

Are you going to let her talk to you like that?

And you are fired.

And who are you? Lord Sugar's minging sister or something?

Well, I'm certainly not going to let you talk to me like that.

Ian?

You're fired.

I'll show you out.

Bye.

-The stall!

-Huh?

-The Stall!

MUSIC PLAYS

Turn that down.

# Everybody's starry eyed... #

No, give it, please!

# Woah, oh, oh, uh, uh... #

I can't help it. Come on.

Sssh. come on.

Kat? Kat, are you up here, sweetheart?

What you doing? What is it, annual leave?

Tommy's ill.

Course he's not ill.

Hey, little man. Go to sleep.

-Listen, Kat, Martina called, right?

-Where's the baby vapour rub?

I don't have the baby vapour rub, do I? All right, Buddy?

Must be in here then.

Nan and her gammy nose!

And why hasn't Ian picked Bobby up yet?

Do you want to keep your voice down? I don't know. Ian's probably busy.

-Are you all right?

-I'm fine. I knew Shenice would give him her cold.

Ah, see, good news about Shenice.

-Martina's going to let her stay with us.

-Fine. Whatever.

I don't care if you're moving in to Buckingham Palace.

I want you at the club doing the stock take.

I'm coming!

-Careful.

-All right, they're heavy, aren't they?

Now!

In a minute. I don't need you standing over me.

-Oi, Pops.

-What's the matter?

-Ian, he's just sacked me!

-He's what?

-Come on, grab a box.

Let's crank the combined strength up to, erm...feeble.

Is she actually paying you for this?

-I want paying.

-All right, well, move me in and we'll talk.

And while you're at, Billy, will you dump any of Ryan's old rubbish

outside whatever cardboard box he calls home these days.

He's gone. Didn't you know?

Good.

Where'd you think you're going, eh?

Jean, I'm going to pop up to the council,

I've heard there might be a place for Shenice next term at Walford Primary.

So I'll have a little word, give them a little nudge, are you OK for your job?

Yes. Plan logged. Ready for action.

Good girl. See you later.

-Alfie?

-Yeah?

-Are you sure this is what Kat wants?

Yeah, course I'm sure. She said so. See you later. Be good, Bobby.

Right.

Jack?

Tyler's opponent, yeah, he can do the 13th.

Um, well we can't do 13th. Private booking.

No, no, no, that's the only date he can do. Who's booked it?

Don't matter, does it? It's booked.

I know there's been some trouble but it's not your fault your mum had an affair with your dad.

I'll always think of you as a sister, Abi Branning.

Are you sure you don't mind?

No, of course not.

When Jodie asked I said I wouldn't have it any other way.

KNOCK ON DOOR I'll get that.

Oh, Jodie, you haven't got a third?

No, don't be silly. Two plus George as a pageboy.

I know there's limits.

Sorry. Mum said Abi was here. Oi, I ain't your personal servant.

You fell in at two, passed out with the grill on and set the fire alarm off.

Pardon me if I'm not with it today.

Oh, we can't afford three, can we?

I'll go without a car? I'll walk to the church?

-Go on then, I won't have you going without.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, are you sure?

-Yeah.

-Well, I could hardly say no, could I?

-Whatever you can raise, I'll match.

Well, no offence, but you're as skint as me.

Just let me worry about that.

Lauren, you've been like a sister to me.

Not a sister I'd borrow clothes off, or copy, or talk to.

But a sister nevertheless.

My gorgeous bridesmaid number three.

Oh, very pretty!

One, two, three, four, five...

-Aaah!

-Cheating!

-Seven, eight...

-That's it!

-Here you are.

What? No, you're not supposed to put sugar on yet.

-No, I do.

-No...

KNOCK ON DOOR Just have some sugar.

Hiya.

-You lunatic!

-Aaargh!

Come in!

-Ian, you've got a bit of something...

-I'm the nanny.

Ian, you appear to have forgotten to pick up your son.

Ooh, Ian you've got a little mini-me!

-Yes, that's Bobby!

-Oh, hun, your dad's really sorry.

I mean, look at his face.

-Hello?

-Well, just call him back.

Call him back and see how much he wants.

Oh, hang on a minute, Ty. Just a sec.

You know you said you wouldn't turn away a damsel in distress,

well, I've lost an earring down Jodie's sink.

How could I sleep?

Ty, drop what you're doing for five minutes.

There's a damsel in distress needs you.

Just get round to Jodie's.

You've got your wish, Phil.

The only business partner that can actually count is here.

Why aren't you moving me into my house?

-They're working for me now.

-Phil's paying us. Properly.

Yeah. Sorry Janine.

What are you saying sorry for? We ain't her slaves.

Well, geez, you try and do the poverty stricken a favour.

Fine, Billy, forty quid.

Not a chance.

And I will make you Executive Director of Operations.

I'm going to need somebody to manage my property portfolio.

Package includes petrol allowance.

Really!

You better get a car for that petrol allowance.

Yeah. I'm sorry about this Phil.

There's something I've got to do first.

I'll be five minutes. Come on Lo, go. Go.

-Sorry mate.

-You're such a mug. Give us that.

I'm just going to go and check the petty cash.

Well, you can stay in there until every bottle is counted.

Oi! Phil, you can't...!

Kat and Alfie would like Shenice to get into Walford Primary.

Dig in, Jean. Munchkin.

Cos you know the Head, we thought that maybe you could have a word with him?

Did I tell you I trained at the same place as super-nanny?

The council could stick her anywhere.

She could be miles away with gangs and knives.

We ran up and down them mountains like the nuns out of the Sound of Music.

And Shenice has got friends at Walford Primary,

Bobby and Tiffany Butcher.

-And you'd like Shenice to go to your school wouldn't you, Bobby?

-Yeah.

I used to be a nun.

You see, the thing is, we just want her settled

in a nice school with some nice friends.

Jean, it's fine, OK. Just tell Alfie

that I will see what strings I can pull.

Thank you, Ian. Thank you very much.

You haven't touched your pancakes.

No, I'm quite full with your porky pies, thank you.

Oooh!

You know, that sounds really important.

You should go round there and see that Head right now,

you know, talk to him, face to face.

And there was this very strange girl there,

but anyway, Ian's agreed to talk to the Head. Kat?

-Right, yeah.

-Everything is all right, isn't it?

Yeah, course.

Your booking. The 13th.

Yeah, Jay and his mates. What about it?

-It's double booked. So there's your deposit.

-Well, cancel the other thing.

-Can't.

Well, then I'll be there on the 13th.

-A hundred quid, by way of an apology?

-GLASS SMASHES

No. That better not be what it sounds like.

I will smash every one if I have to.

-Phil? Come on, take the money, will you?

-GLASS SMASHES

Say "pretty please", Mickey, yeah?

-Pretty please.

-GLASS SMASHES

13th's yours.

And it's Michael.

You're paying for that.

Well, it's a good job I'm rich. What do I care?

Have you seen my phone?

-I bet that Jean nicked it.

-It's got all my business numbers on it.

Oh, no, What are you going to do without the frozen chips hotline?

I've got to phone the Head for Alfie, haven't I?

Bobby, you seen my phone?

Here, has your daughter still got any bits upstairs?

Why?

Bridesmaids for life!

Maybe I should learn some skiffle moves for the concert.

-Cos I told Norman I knew what skiffle was.

-Jean, it's a date. Just go out and enjoy yourself.

If Billy's account's anything to go by, it's not your dance moves that I would be working on.

Cheers, darling.

What did you say to her?

Nothing the voices in her head won't drown out.

Poor cow.

You've got nothing better to do than to drink in the afternoon, all alone?

Well, I don't know, I've got a new house to move into, a club to run,

three other properties on my books.

Jean, what have I told you about listening to that girl? She's poison.

Kat, I know it's none of my business and we both don't like sticky beaking

but who was on the phone earlier?

No-one.

You would tell me if it was Stacey or Sean, wouldn't you?

Course I would.

So it was bad news?

What was it? Shenice's mum?

D'you know what, Jean?

Now isn't the time for a girlie chat, all right?

Mum. Come and join us.

Had a bit of a result on the jobs front. So, this is from Lola.

That's very good of you. Kids, eh?

Yeah. I know it's not much, but I'll get the rest to you as soon as I can.

-For the kids.

-Eh? No!

How is little Janet by the way?

She's beautiful, just beautiful. I'll see you later.

Mum, help me budget.

Kill one or keep one - Madrigals or donation for the choir?

Uh, kill the donation, keep the madrigals.

That's what I thought but is it evil?

I've got to kiss goodbye to the madrigals, haven't I?

You'll get your madrigals.

-Ta-da! Look at that.

-That's lovely sweetheart.

That is well good. Look, you've got Jean, there's me, you, Shenice.

Look at Mo! Like someone's thrown custard on her head,

like a bowl haircut, she's got.

Anyway, I've filled in all the forms for the council.

Ian's had a word with the head of the school, apparently he knows him,

might pull a few strings, so it's all good and it's all happening.

Why don't you go downstairs to Auntie Jean and give her a hand with her skiffle dancing, yeah?

-OK.

-Good girl. Be good down there, all right?

Kat, sweetheart. There's nothing to be scared of.

Martina wants us to have her, all right?

-Kat?

-Right.

I got a call today.

Martina, I knew it.

-No, listen to me.

-I knew it.

-It wasn't her, listen...

Why do I listen to that woman, she's so flaky. That woman would change her mind on a sixpence...

No, you got to listen. It wasn't Martina.

What are you trying to do to me? I was going to have a heart attack then.

Thought I was going to have to send her in the post. She's a great girl.

I've got to show you this bag I've bought her, right.

Cos once she starts school, she's going to have loads of friends

so I thought I'd buy her something.

You've got the Walford Primary School, but you kind of get that with the school, but this one,

it's none of your old tat. I didn't get this in the market.

This is proper, cos all her mates have probably got the same thing.

Kat?

Cheers, mate! Wooh!

-Made a sale!

-How much?

-Two k.

It's going to take more than an a 2% commission on that.

Look, I'm going above and beyond here. You need to do the same.

I've had enough of this. Do you know how hard I'm working?

-I don't need you to question how much I'm grafting for Jodie.

-You've been a liability since day one.

Max always said you were useless.

Nah, me and Max, we were partners, we bounced off each other.

Oh, wise up, Darren. The only reason he kept you on

is because you were marrying my daughter.

You'd still be working down that curry house if I hadn't made him feel sorry for you.

Up your game!

The 13th? Michael, that's not even two weeks away!

Ah, you'll be all right. Start training now and you'll be fine.

I mean, I don't think I'm ready to give up curries.

That famous Ali quote.

Seriously, mate. I'm not ready for a proper fight.

Big Andy says different. You wiped the floor with him.

Yeah, I mean, that was just sparring.

Listen to yourself, Tyler, you sound like an old woman.

No, worse, you sound like a no mark.

Come on, you've got to seize the chance, make something of yourself.

-Otherwise, you're going to be lugging tat around for the rest of your life.

-OK.

-OK, 13th it is.

-Good man. That's what I like. Well done.

And I tell you what. Tonight, I'll take you out, my treat.

We'll get bang on it, before the health kick, yeah?

Yeah, I'm on it. Quality.

-Good lad.

-See you later, Michael.

-See ya.

So, everything you ever dreamed of?

Yeah. And more.

Must have been a shock, yeah?

Ryan going?

Don't beat yourself up though,

he probably got spooked cos of that drugs raid in the Vic.

Look, I don't know who do you think you're talking to,

-but I am your boss and I'm not your friend.

-Right.

OK, well I'll see you tomorrow then.

-So, you managed to shift the P Reg!

-Yeah.

-You legend. How much?

-15 hundred.

-Well, yeah, 18 would have been good.

But anyways, better than a kick in the teeth, ain't it. Go on, get yourself off.

-You enjoy it.

-Enjoy indeed. Here you go, Trace, I'll get that. Keep the change.

That is your last pint till we're celebrating on the 13th, yeah?

-What's happening on the 13th then?

-All right, how's it going?

-Didn't know you were coming.

-Course he's coming.

-He's Fun Time Ant, ain't he?

-So? What's happening 13th, then? Unlucky day for some day, eh?

Anthony, Tyler, come and give your dad a hand.

I'm starving. Let's all go out for a curry.

No, let's stay in.

-Look, we're having fun.

-Well, just give me some money and I'll go and get us one.

PHONE RINGS

That better not be ruined.

Oh, come on, you were going to pay me for a lap dance last night,

I'm sure you can afford another phone from 1997.

Why is she wearing Lucy's clothes?

And what's a lap dance?

Um...It's where old men pay girls to

dance to the national anthem of Lapland.

-Mandy!

-I'm trying to help you out, here.

It's not my fault you went to a strip club.

It's not funny, all right. That is my son.

No! It's your face. I can't believe you haven't noticed yet?

-Out!

-What? Ian!

-Get out!

Take a joke. Ian! I've nowhere to go.

-I'm staying! I'm staying!

-Yes. Ian Beale. Total legend.

-I hate school.

-That's my girl.

Don't go talking like that at the interview. You're not in yet.

-Exactly.

-Shenice! Get off that bed, yeah?

I'll leave you to it.

Shenice sweetheart, just keep an eye on Tommy for me, will you?

Oi, oi, what's all that about? Shouting at Shenice like that?

Hold on, is this about the phone call earlier.

This is moving too fast for me, all right.

I did not agree to her staying here.

Why do you put up with Janine?

Her ex has just left town.

So just be nice to her, all right?

Lo? Lola!

-Is this yours?

-Oh, Michael, thank you.

Oi, give me my old job back

and I won't tell anyone about your little sleepover.

-I said it's not what it looked like.

-Looked like you'd had a hooker over.

No-one's going to want to buy fish and chips off a bloke like that.

-Fine. Keep your job.

-Good. I'll see you tomorrow then.

Ty? R&R, let's go.

Woah, woah, hang on, they're just having a drink with their old dad.

Why? Do you want to go celebrate something or something?

-Just drop it, Ant.

-What?

Tyler, Anthony. Come on, let's go!

Dad spent his entire weekend working,

I'm sure he wants peace and quiet. Where were you again?

Antiques fair. Same as every year. Go on, off you go.

I'm not staying anyway.

I'm going back to the Emporium. You have a good time.

-Cheers, Dad.

-Catch you in a bit. Call you later, yeah?

Yes, darling, what can I get you?

Excuse me sweetheart. Listen Kat,

that little girl doesn't have a place to call home right now.

Look at me when I'm talking.

She's staying, so you might want to get used to the idea, all right?

Yeah, do what you want. G&T, yeah?

Bridesmaids for life!

I know you're keeping something from Dad.

So either you tell me now or I'll tell dad you're up to something,

then he'll get it out of you.

-I've got a fight!

-What fight?

All right, OK, OK!

Darren! Where'd you get it?

It's my commission, ain't it? You know, I'm the exec salesman.

Just don't want you to worry about the budget, Jode.

Ooh, 1978 Bally game.

Looks like a factory original.

Love antiques.

-Ah, you found the missing one then?

-Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Big Andy was different. That was a licensed amateur fight.

I mean, head gear. Gloves. The lot.

Unlicensed doesn't mean the rules go out the window.

I mean, they're not illegal.

I mean, they've got doctors there, boxing gloves, everything.

Then why...why the secrecy?

If Dad had his way,

Tyler would be wrapped in cotton wool till he was fifty.

-Listen to me. He's not to know.

-Please Ty. Stop deluding yourself.

It's like being out with someone's granny.

Hold on, don't talk to him like that!

Less than two weeks away from the fight. You haven't got a prayer.

Go home. I've had enough of you for one day.

-I'm working.

-You ain't wanted!

ALARM RINGS

It's a false alarm, everyone, false alarm!

It's a false alarm!

I knew I could smell smoke, Jodie.

I knew I could smell smoke, Poppy.

Whoops! What, are you just going to take it?

You think I'd let you raise my blood pressure, eh?

-Call yourself a business women? You're a joke.

-What?

Can't do the fight, mate. Too much hassle.

-Are you skiving tomorrow too?

-No.

Is Mandy coming back? She's funny.

No.

Please don't burn alive. You're going to be so missed.

-Poor Janine has had a bad day.

-According to who?

All of your mates?

I know, shall we ask Michael's imaginary friends what they think?

Oh, no, they can't speak.

That's because they only exist in your twisted mind.

Chuck me out then. I don't care.

Hello Doctor Khan? It's Kat Moon.

Listen, I'm sorry for hanging up on you.

I just don't understand how the blood test can be positive.

How can I be pregnant?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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