17/11/2011 EastEnders

It was a one off, I swear.

The business was in a bad way and Frank was desperate for cash.

He paid Phil to torch the car lot.

And the last thing I remember is throwing the burning rag in,

and an explosion.

Later that night, they found the body of a young man there.

He'd been sleeping rough.

It was a terrible accident.

I burnt him alive.

So who was it then, Kat?

It was...

No, let me tell you who I think it was, yeah? He was young, sexy?

Did he have, like, a six pack, did he?

You look at me when I'm talking to you!

Too drunk to remember, were you, Kat? That what it was, yeah?

Then you went back to his posh flat, drinking his champagne...?

-Lighting up scented candles?

-No.

No?

No, he couldn't wait. We done it in the alley by the R&R, like animals!

-Why wasn't I told about it?

-You were just a kid at the time.

Did Ricky know?

So I was the only one that didn't know about it.

-Well, that's just typical.

-Your dad didn't want you to know.

He didn't want you involved.

He didn't want you to have to carry that burden.

How convenient. And of course I've only got your word for that, haven't I?

Why would I lie to you, Janine?

Because, Pat, you've lied to me my entire life!

That is all you've ever done, is lie!

If I've ever lied to you,

it's only to protect you, you stupid little girl!

See now, and there we have it, don't we? The truth right

at the very heart of the matter. That is all I ever was to you.

A stupid little girl that got in the way of you and my dad.

-You meant more to me than that and you know it.

-JANINE SCOFFS

I should go.

Stay and have a drink.

Please.

-You all right?

-Have you seen Alfie?

-He's just popped out.

-I need to find Alfie.

-What about Tommy?

-Jean's with him!

-What about this place? It's closing time soon.

Call time and lock up, all right?

-Kat said to lock up.

-All right, if I shoot off?

-Yeah, you shoot off.

That's time, ladies and gentleman. So thank you, but drink up, please.

-You been stood up?

-Don't worry, I'm sure your lot will be here soon.

Your coach load of mates. Probably just stuck in traffic.

Yeah. And who are you with, the invisible man?

-Oi, stick another one in there, will you?

-Sorry, but it's past time.

-Do you know who I am?

-Why, have you forgotten?

No, I think you pair of clowns have forgotten that this pub belongs to my old man.

I'm sorry, but it's past closing time and I've got to lock up.

Oh, I think you misheard Kat. She said, "Lock IN." Ain't that right, everybody?

SHOUTS OF ASSENT

-No chance with Jobsworth here.

-All right, then. I'll bolt the doors.

-Yeah, man!

-There's a good boy!

Alfie!

Alfie!

Alfie!

And now some nutter's out there

sending me photos and cuttings about it.

-We can't change the past.

-Well, that's a lot of help(!)

But we can make amends. And you know what they say.

-Confession is good for the soul.

-You want me to go to the Old Bill?

You back on the gear or something?

No, not that kind of confession. You know... God.

You've got a screw loose, d'you know that?

Oh, what, and drinking, that's sensible, is it?

-I don't need this kind of grief.

-And you don't need the whisky either.

-Just go, will you?

-I can help you, Phil.

Because I know what you're going through.

You don't understand anything.

I live with the guilt of all the terrible things I've done.

I've ruined enough lives with drugs

to know what it feels like to hate yourself.

To feel completely on your own.

But you're not on your own, Phil.

Because I'm here for you.

-I doubt my parishioners would approve.

-Oh, shut up, Vicar!

Hardly like you're breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

-Anyway, it's your round.

-I say Amen to that.

-Oops, sorry, Carol.

-Tanya!

-Sorry!

Same again, please, boys! Can we turn the music up?

This is supposed to be a party!

Do you know what I thought when you first come to live with me?

-Umm, "I hope she doesn't eat all the pies"?

-"She's trouble."

Yeah well, feeling was mutual.

You were this shy little five-year-old

with your hair in pigtails, looking like butter wouldn't melt.

And then you stuck two fingers up at me,

you told me I was ugly and fat and you didn't need a new mum.

Well, I'm not being funny,

but you were like this big, loud woman, y'know,

with a strange face like a clown

and you stunk of fags and booze and you were all over my dad.

What did you expect, Pat? A curtsey and a bunch of flowers?

You've never forgiven me for your mum, have you?

You had an affair with my dad while she was dying.

Actually, whatever Lydia might have told you,

me and your dad never...we were never together during that time.

So you managed to control your hormones

until she was dead and buried? How very commendable.

Well, I suppose it's easier to blame me than your dad.

But you can't bear a grudge forever. People make mistakes.

-You've made more than most.

-Thanks.

So now we've moved on, have we,

from rewriting history to my character assassination.

What fun.

Janine, you have never made it easy to love you.

SHE LAUGHS Well, I'm sorry. I'm going to try much harder in future.

Sorry for the inconvenience, Pat.

But I've always tried to love you anyway. Whatever you may think.

Always.

And so when you lied to the police and nearly got me sent down for

a murder that I didn't commit, were you really trying to love me then?

From that first moment you raised two fingers up to me,

you've been telling me what you thought of me ever since.

And d'you know what, I thank you for that.

Cos there aren't too many people in this world you can rely on to tell you the truth.

Your dad would've told me the sky was neon pink

if he thought that's what I wanted to hear.

And I've never been backward in telling you what I thought of you either.

-No, I've got the emotional scars to prove it.

-All right.

Sometimes a bit harshly, I admit.

But I've always been straight with you.

And that's why you've got to believe me when I tell you

that we didn't tell you about the fire

because we wanted to protect you,

not because we wanted to hurt you.

You wouldn't have wanted that burden.

You don't get over having a man's death on your conscience that easily.

You bury it as deep as you can and try to forget about it.

To be honest, I thought I had.

Until Phil started getting them photos in the post.

-You know that I had nothing to do with that.

-I believe you.

Well, there's a first.

Oh, not because I don't think you're capable of it.

You've done worse over the years.

But I'm sure if you'd found out about the fire,

I would have been your first port of call.

Poor Dad.

I mean...

SHE SIGHS

..carrying around all that guilt for all those years.

Yeah.

Maybe if I'd known about it at the time

I could've stopped him taking off like that.

Do you know, even when he came back, he...

He was eaten up with it.

He'd wake up in the night in a cold sweat.

He wanted to come clean.

So why didn't he?

Let's just say me and Phil persuaded him it wasn't a good idea.

Is...

Is that why he went away again?

He was a mess.

If he'd stayed he would have confessed,

and then he would have ended up in prison.

So you just let him walk away?

It was for the best.

For who?

For me?

For Ricky? For Dad?

I mean, that worked out really well first time round, didn't it?

He had a nervous breakdown, months, MONTHS, on the streets.

Yeah, that was definitely for the best(!)

Not forgetting the abandoned girl

who thought her daddy didn't love her.

What should I have done?

Let him confess?

Yes... Yes!

Yes, if that's what he wanted.

You know, maybe then he wouldn't have cracked up.

At least then,

I would have known where he was

and I could have seen him.

I could've visited him!

I could've just loved him.

You're living in cloud-cuckoo-land, Janine.

You didn't know what he was like at the time.

-Right, and whose fault was that?

-Oh!

Here we go again,

"Poor little me.

"Let's blame Pat for everything that's gone wrong in my life."

You took my dad away from me.

No, I didn't! He was a weak man.

He was.

So help me, I loved him.

I loved him more than I've ever loved any man on this earth.

But he was weak!

And he got himself into trouble,

he couldn't handle the consequences.

So he did what he always did when it got tough.

He ran.

He ran away, Janine, and left me to look after you.

Never forget that.

I looked after you while your father was looking after himself.

And the sad truth is...

if he had cared about his family so much,

he would have found the strength to stay.

I've been looking for you everywhere.

Why did you run off like that? Huh?

Kat, what's wrong?

I've ruined everything.

What happened?!

Kat?

All right, let's get you home, yeah?

Yeah?

Come on. Come on.

JUKEBOX PLAYS

You two are hopeless!

Go on, Rev, show us your moves!

Yeah, man! Read 'em and weep, brother.

Hello, boys - service!

-Are you all right?

-All right, Carol? Are you having a good night?

Yeah, yeah, I am.

I was wondering if you'd heard any news from Max?

No.

Hello!

It's strange not having him around the place, ain't it?

-I'm quite enjoying the freedom actually.

-Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

You've got to let your hair down once in a while, otherwise you'll go mad.

You know, we should go out some time.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I know you think I'm a bit of a stick-in-the-mud,

But I think I can still remember how to have fun.

Yeah, why not? We'll do that, yeah.

What has a girl got to do to get a drink around here, eh?

-Tanya, do you think you should be doing that?

-Why not? Live a little.

-Do you want one?

-No, I'm all right, thanks.

-Are you sure?!

-Yeah.

-Lauren, watch yourself... Oi!

Incoming! Eh?

Oh, that is setting a really good example, Tanya.

And what are you? Mother Of The Year?!

-I'm quite enjoying this! Who else wants a drink?

-Go on, I'll have one.

I won't say no to that!

Oh, all of you!

Come on.

-I thought I told you to lock up!

-I tried to tell him.

And what's she doing behind my bar?

Let's get you upstairs, shall we?

-Is everything all right?

-Yeah, it's fine.

Just get back to your party. Just go.

Alfie...

-She won't tell me what happened.

-I'll take it from here.

Oh, someone's going to be sleeping on the settee tonight.

-Not if you play your cards right.

-Oh!

-And what about your man? Where's he tonight?

-About to get a booty call.

Oh!

What does Shirley reckon?

She does know about this?

Not about the fire, no. And I want to keep it that way,

-until I find who's behind all this.

-Yeah.

Be our secret.

You know you can always talk to me, about anything.

I'll never give you grief.

I get you.

You and me.

We're the same, ain't we?

DOOR OPENS

I should be going.

MUSIC: "Price Tag" By Jessie J

I love this one, I love it! Turn it up, turn it up!

My tower!

BANGING ON DOOR

Tanya, don't open it!

Anyone order a stripper?

Ha!

ALFIE SIGHS

Why?

Why, Kat?

-Why did you do it?

-I don't know.

That's great. Well, you don't know what?

Just a bit a fun was it then?

-Did you want to prove a point? Get back at me about what I said?

-No.

It had nothing to do with that.

Were you bored?

Was it a bet?

Or was it just that...

..you love seeing me being hurt?

No?

I Swear to God, you will tell me...

Sorry to interrupt, but the old bill are downstairs.

-I can go and deal with it if you like.

-No, it's all right, Tyler.

I can sort out the boys in blue.

You watch and learn, son.

You watch and learn.

Oi...

When I come back, you will tell me why you did this.

I thought you'd want to know that Janine had nothing to do with

sending them photos and clippings.

All right. Thanks.

Eh, Pat, not...

Not a word to Shirley, all right?

What you get up to is none of my business.

But are you sure you know what you're doing?

No.

You won't get what you're looking for with that one.

I ain't looking for anything, just...

This whole car lot business is messing with my head.

Mmm... This is cosy.

I'll leave you to it.

What's she doing here?

Just a bit of business.

What sort of business?

Monkey business - me and Pat, we're having an affair.

You've caught us bang at it.

What are you doing here anyway?

Well, I thought I'd come and have a little bit of monkey business of my own.

It's customary to tell someone if you're going to blow 'em out.

Do you know how long I was in there?

-What's he doing in the bin?

-It's where he belongs.

-Do you know, it was all fake.

-What was?

-Everything.

The smile...

the affection...

the love.

Well, you know what they say -

don't trust salesmen.

Do you think you can ever truly know anyone?

No.

We choose the faces we show people.

What we allow them to see.

That's a very cynical view of the world, Michael.

Mmmm. I'm a very cynical man, Janine.

Why would anyone walk away from somebody that they love?

Because they're selfish,

loathsome, despicable, stupid.

Maybe they just didn't love them that much to begin with.

Some people are not capable of love.

Maybe some people are just unlovable.

No. You mustn't think like that.

It's the truth, isn't it?

No. It isn't true.

And how could YOU possibly know that?

Because I love you.

Well?

The truth is, you already know why.

You look at me every day and you see it,

you think it,

and you know it.

But you ignore it.

You fight it.

Pretend it isn't true, but it is.

Cos deep down...

Deep down, you know what I am.

And Michael knew it as well.

And any bloke that walks into the bar,

that thinks they stand a chance with me,

they see it as well, they see it a mile off.

It doesn't matter how many layers of slap I put on my face.

And they smell it. No matter how much expensive perfume I use.

And Mark - that was his name, Mark -

he saw it,

he knew it, and he smelt it.

And he wanted it, so I gave it to him.

And let's face it, it could have been any Tom, Dick or Harry, eh?

Cos that's what I am...

A dirty little girl.

That's what I've always been.

And that's what I'll always be.

So now you know.

Are you happy now?

-Do you even know what love is?

-Do you?

You don't have to say those three little words

-to get me into bed, you know.

-Fine, fine.

You just take the Mick. We'll just carry on as we were.

It's much easier. Much easier.

Or...

You can accept the fact that, like it or not,

someone in this world actually loves you.

Kiss me.

SHE SCOFFS

Come on.

(Kiss me.)

What do you want me to do?

Say I'll be a good girl and it'll never happen again?

That'd be so easy, wouldn't it?

-I wish I could, but I can't.

-Kat...

-You said it yourself...

when you thought someone else had knocked me up,

you said, "This is what living with Kat Slater's all about."

I'm giving you a Get Out Of Jail Free card.

Take it, throw me out.

No, I can't.

I can't, cos I love you.

I love you.

But you can't change who I am.

It was just a one-off, that's all.

No, no, it's not. It's not a one-off.

It will happen again.

A month, a year, I dunno,

but it will happen again.

You think, what happened to you, I'm going to let destroy us, yeah?

You can't stop it.

There's nothing you can do. And I won't keep hurting you like this.

And you'll never forgive me if it happens again.

OK.

Maybe...

Maybe if I didn't know, then...

Then I...

I wouldn't have to forgive you, would I?

What?!

What you don't know can't hurt you.

You're saying that I could sleep with anyone

as long as you don't know about it?!

And you could live with that?!

It's better than living without you.

At least you finally get who I am.

And you finally get how much I love you.

Oh!

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