21/11/2011 EastEnders

No, Mrs Jessop doesn't live here anymore.

I'm her sister. Yeah, she's... She's moved on.

"Am I happy with my internet?"

PHONE VIBRATES

Alfie, do you want to dress Tommy?

Still think you've lost the plot.

-No, my mate rang this morning. He was practically giving them away.

-Christmas trees? In November?

Shut up, you donkey! Alfie Moon is setting a trend.

Those Santas flew off the shelves so quick,

-I thought Rudolph would get a speeding ticket.

-Alfie, it's still November.

What you talking about? It's never too early for Christmas. Come on!

They're trees. They ain't got legs. Let's get a move on.

Well, if it's not Janine, then who's doing it?

-What about Dancer and Prancer?

-What, Syed and Christian?

I don't think it's their style. They'd do it in song.

Phil.

Phil!

-She's got a man in her room.

-Oh, no, that's her wireless.

-They were banging the headboard.

-There's no cause for vulgarity, Cora.

And it ain't the first time. She's pulled the vicar!

The Vicar? The Vicar's not for pulling.

We're talking your sister.

Me half-sister.

DOORBELL RINGS The Vicar. In my back bedroom?

Bit of cheap lippy, couple of G and Ts.

She wouldn't.

DOORBELL RINGS Would she?

Mrs Cross. Mrs Branning.

I am never drinking vodka again.

You said that last week, didn't you? There you go, darling.

-Do you want me to take you this morning?

-No, I'll be fine.

You seen my essay?

You're going to want some more of that?

-I'll get it myself then.

-Dunno who Shirley thinks she is.

-You took your time.

-She looks at me like I'm dirt.

-Have YOU seen my essay for English?

-I only said hello.

-I left it in here.

I still want those shoes, you know?

All right, I'm going back to bed.

Could you take Oscar in for me?

-Sorry. Busy.

-Please, look I want to get in early, I've...

-Look, I got your milk, didn't I?

-I can't do everything round here.

-Thanks a lot(!)

Abi! That's for Oscar!

Wasn't me. I'm invisible.

-More tea, Vicar?

-I wanted to have a little word with Rose.

Rose? She's out.

Said she'd give me a hand again with next month's church social.

Oh, she went out early. Very early.

Exercise, you see.

She loves her exercise. Can't get enough.

And, between you and me, I've got two tickets for next week at the Hackney Empire.

Oh, how lovely. Well, I'll tell her that you called.

-That'll be her now.

-Cora.

-Rose!

-Just a second.

Get your face down here. You've got a visitor!

And bring your friend!

Ah, didn't know there was a party going on.

Morning.

Er...

See you, bye.

-Lola!

-I've got fryers to clean.

Right, you want me to put that in a note to your teacher?

Look, I've had a letter from your school. You've been bunking off.

-Everyone gets them. They won't do anything.

-I could get a fine.

-It's a good job I'm working then.

What if they involve the social, eh? Do you want to go back to that home?

-Look, all right, Pops. Just chillax, all right? See you later.

-Lo...

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-So, this is where she keeps you locked up then, is it?

Do you want something?

I've been doing a bit of digging.

The bloke who died in the fire.

Borrowed Lauren's laptop, spent half the night on the internet.

-I can deal with it.

-Don't worry, I cleared all my search history and everything.

-Been a proper little Columbo. Not that Columbo had a laptop.

-Yeah, I said I can deal with it.

And there's nothing. His only relatives are long dead.

So whoever's sniffing round, it's nothing to do with him.

It's not about revenge or anything. So, it's going to be OK.

You think this is over, eh? You don't know nothing.

-I'm trying to help you here.

-Yeah, well, I don't need it, all right.

-You confided in me, remember? You chose to tell me.

-Yeah. And that was a mistake.

Come on, Phil.

You can go now.

I said...you can go.

-He nicked them two weeks early!

-What do you want him to do?

-Stick them in the ground and hope they grow again?

-I should open up.

-We're all in this together. It's only morning.

-No-one buys trees in November.

-They'll be inside a vacuum by Christmas.

-Shut up, you big girl!

What are you, a half-Moon? Sliver of the Moon? Moon by night? Come on!

Oh, hello, Patrick. You ain't been home, have you? You was wearing that last night.

-A gentleman never divulges.

-Oh, gentleman my elbow!

-Can't go wrong with a bacon roll.

-Patrick's getting his strength back.

-Oh, yeah?

-Spot of the extracurriculars, eh?

-Come on. A man's business is his business, all right?

You're just jealous that he's getting some.

Christmas trees in November?

See? I told you Alfie, didn't I?

You said the same about the Dutch Santas.

It's all about the branding.

I've told you, no story, no swans.

But I have been known to do a nice fried hack.

I hope Janine don't like her kneecaps.

Black coffee. Strong, please. Hello. You all right?

Have you still got that flu?

Er, yeah. Well, it's been a busy morning.

-You look rough, Tan. Are you sleeping all right?

-Bet you're not.

-Shh!

Why do we have to keep it so secret?

I want to shout it from the rooftops.

Except Zainab would be pushing you off them.

You know, for the first time in ages,

-I think I could be really happy.

-Two sugars.

-Not for me, Shirley.

-It wasn't a question.

Er...

Tanya.

I'd better make a move.

-I thought you were busy.

-I am.

What about your coffee?

Coffee, two sugars.

-I wanted a sandwich.

-Yeah, and I've made you a coffee.

-Someone's got her face on upside down.

-Why don't you crawl back down the drain that you come out of?

Must be hard. Phil getting all those photos and stuff.

Cheese and tomato, please.

Yeah, Jane'll serve you. Here, Jane, congratulations. You've just passed the interview.

Oi.

Oi!

I'm talking to you.

You think you're the only one with his secrets?

You going to pay for that coffee?

You don't even know what those photos are about, do ya?

What's she on about?

Those photos and the crank calls.

They're all part of the same game.

Yeah, well, maybe they're just kids.

Your dad thinks there's someone out to get him.

There's always someone out to get him.

It's different this time, Ben.

Why? Who do you reckon it is?

I don't know. But I will find out.

-There we go.

-Non-drop guaranteed?

Oi, oi, oi, 110% guaranteed, cupcake, thank you!

You know what, I reckon if I take one off you, I can turn a nice little profit.

-Oooh!

-Come on, even Alfie ain't doing that!

-Oi, you, shtoom.

-Well, you'd better watch and learn then.

-See? Watch and learn.

-All right, Rose, darling?

-Hiya. Patrick.

-Rose.

You are so busted!

She just wouldn't stay away from me, man.

You randy old goat, you.

Can't we just raise the tone a little bit, yeah?

Oh, someone's been a dirty stop-out.

-A tenner says I can get more than I'm paying for it.

-Thank you, done.

Come on, muscles, help the lady. Come on, chop chop, good lad.

-Come on, biceps will help you.

-All right, all right.

Good boy.

Nice?

-You all right?

-Yeah, why shouldn't I be?

Well, the last time I saw you...

I was drunk. Dunno where my head is half the time.

Kat? Look, I don't mean to pry...

but last night you said you'd ruined everything.

And I'm guessing that you weren't talking about the dinner.

The other week. Me and this bloke. It was only one night.

In fact it wasn't even a night.

Why?

I dunno why. There's never a why.

What, you're not happy?

Just, give me something good and I mess it up.

Look, you ain't messed nothing up, yeah?

You've got a roof over your head,

little tiger man here, eating his way through your fridge.

-You scared Alfie's going to find out?

-He knows. I told him.

And he ain't kicked you out?

Mate, the few men I've had, they'd have kicked me to the kerb, long time.

Well, Alfie ain't like that.

Cos he gets it. He understands.

You are a lucky lady.

He's dealing with it.

And if I do it again, he'll deal with that and all.

And I will do it again. Cos that's what I do.

I'll just rip his heart out, again and again.

-No, but you won't though.

-But I will though. And he knows it, but he just won't say it.

You want me to slap that dumb face of yours? He loves you.

Yeah, I know. But it makes no difference.

Oh, don't talk rubbish.

A leopard never changes its spots.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

I've had a second chance.

Well, third then, whatever. Listen, you've got a good man.

And he loves you.

So stop all of this moaning and self-pity

and put on your lip gloss and get on with loving him back.

She's not given you my hours?

I think she's giving me her own hours.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have you back.

-you know, what with Bianca and Ricky away.

-Don't worry, Carol.

She took one look at that frying pan and threw in the towel.

Well, the apron.

Oi, you, here.

I wondered when you'd show your face.

-Auntie Carol.

-I thought you were going to stop drinking.

Just having a laugh.

Are you still worried about her, Lauren?

Oi, oi.

-All right? Thank you.

-That's all right.

Ain't you going to stay and help me decorate it?

What you going to hang on it? Chips? You all right, Bill?

All right?

-Enjoy your tree.

-Thank you.

What?

Don't you think he's a bit old?

Ew, Pops, he was just dropping off the tree.

Bit hot in here for one of them, ain't it?

-Thought you were going to go to school.

-Well, I took a shift here. We can't all have breaks, you know.

-You're a bright girl, Lola.

-I hate school, you know that.

I just don't want you wasting your life on boys and rubbish jobs.

-This ain't a rubbish job.

-I'm supposed to be bringing you up properly.

I don't need bringing up.

I just...

I just think you could do so much better for yourself.

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Hello?!

Same crank again.

Fifth time today.

I know who's doing it. All of it.

Oh, hello.

I just saw Lauren.

-Rainie?!

-It makes sense?

-No, it don't.

If she thinks she's got something over you, she might think she can have you.

-Stop being paranoid. It ain't Rainie.

-How does she know about the photos?

It ain't Rainie.

-If it ain't her doing it, how come she knows everything about it?

-Because I told her!

Told her what?

What did you tell her, Phil?

You were out of control.

No, I wasn't.

-You were off your heads, both of you!

-Oh, don't be ridiculous, Carol.

She can't even remember what she got up to. Does she do that often?

-Er, well, no. I don't think so.

-She needs a better role model than that, Tanya.

-Look, Carol, we were just having a bit of fun, that's all.

-Yeah? Well, she doesn't look that happy now.

Has she said something to you?

Why? What is it you think she might've said?

Nothing, I just... Look, Carol, no offence,

-but you sticking your nose in, it's not really...

-I'm just worried about her drinking.

Well, she's not Billie! She's...

I'm so sorry.

I'm not on a mission. I am just worried about you. All of you.

-Well, I don't know why.

-Because you're family.

And you look exhausted.

It's just that Oscar's not sleeping well.

I've been there. I know what it's like. Bringing up kids on your own.

-I'm sorry, I'm just a bit busy...

-Doing everything yourself. You know, your sister up and down.

And I know... I know you're missing Max.

There's something else, though, isn't there?

Everything OK?

Yeah.

Er, yeah, Carol was just...just going, so... Thanks for popping in.

I know where you are.

-See ya.

-See ya.

What?

What?

It wasn't meant to happen. It was an accident!

Yeah, so you keep saying.

I didn't know that he was in there, did I?

Yeah, well, it ain't any of my business.

The insurance scam, the fire.

What, do you think I don't know who you are?

What you're capable of doing?

Do you think you could do anything that would shock me?

So why you giving me daggers then?

Because you told her.

You told that little crackhead and not me.

And you know what? You didn't even have to. She already knew.

That's why she's doing all this. Mess with your head.

Get straight in there.

Come on, you lucky people, get your Christmas trees.

Hello, how are you, my friend? Fancy a Christmas tree?

-You buy the trunk and we'll throw in the needles.

-It's a bit early.

-That's why they're guaranteed.

-Make a statement. Buy a couple, yeah?

-You can't beat a guarantee.

If it don't last, chop it up and have it as a manger.

One for the church, one for home. Special offer today - two trees for the price of one. Vicars only.

-Oi! 30 minutes.

-What?

30 minutes, I've been vacuuming. They're all in the batter.

That ain't really, are they?

-110% guaranteed.

-Yes, yeah.

-I believe that means I get my money back.

Yeah, all right, all right. Here you are, quick.

You're killing me here, sweetheart.

-And 10%.

-You're killing me here!

-And my compensation.

-Compensation? For what?

-Do you want me to tell the whole market these are dodgy?

-OK, all right, thank you, Lola. Thank you.

Someone could have choked on one of those needles.

Oh, and my bet?

Thank you.

Boys.

Thank you, Billy. Brilliant.

110%

-He was totally humiliated!

-I didn't know he'd be here, did I?

-Where have you been hiding?

-I've been cleaning!

A man of God and you're parading your fancy man in front of him.

-He's not my fancy man.

-Hit and run merchant.

That poor man, comes all the way out of his way to see you

and you cast him aside like a pair of old socks.

I didn't cast him aside.

Oh, you was letting him down gently, was you?

I wasn't really seeing him, was I?

Under my roof!

Come on, she's a tramp.

-Cora Cross, wash your mouth out.

-I'm on your side!

This is my house. If anybody is going to question my sister's morality, it is me.

The Vicar is a respectable man.

You're just jealous.

How dare you!

I saw you dancing around him with your nightie on.

-I wasn't born yesterday.

-Take that back. I am a married woman.

She'll be after Jim an' all, if you're not careful!

Don't laugh at me. This is my own house!

Don't laugh at me in my own house!

Thought we could have a little chat.

Oh, look, they're all going to do this. What's the point?

-I don't know why I bother, really.

-Come on, they're only trees.

-We can sell them as firewood or something.

-Christmas logs.

Say they're from Lapland. Perfect for sleighs. Touched by elves.

Alfie, this is about the trees, innit?

Right lads. Think modern. Think style. Think Gok Wan. Think zhooshy.

Get some silver paint. We are going to spray these babies! Come on, boys, chop chop. Let's go.

I thought you would've known by now?

-You really are threatened, aren't you?

-Look, when I say stay away...

-You think I still want him?

I was bored. I was just winding you up.

I'm not going to tell anyone, am I? He was the one who chose to tell me.

The photos. The calls. They stop now.

It ain't me!

-The threats. The game's over, OK?

-Get your dirty hands off her.

You've got it so wrong, Shirl!

-I mean it. Five seconds and I'm calling the police.

-This is between me and her.

-I haven't a clue what's gone on...

-Just a misunderstanding.

..but this is my house and I've got a three year old here

-so find yourself another playground to fight in.

-I ain't going.

-You sure about that?

-This is nothing to do with you.

-If it's about my daughters...

then it's about me.

Just get out.

Never could fight your own battles, could you?

Nan!

Oh, look, five against one. Some people might say that's cheating.

-What's she doing here?

-She's just going.

-I ain't going anywhere.

-Now, this is my house. Mine!

That's my sister and my family. And YOU are a bully. And I don't do bullies.

Never have, never will. So if you think for a second - just one second -

that you can come barging in here and threaten any of us, throwing your weight around,

and playing your stupid little games, then you can think again.

Cos, believe me, right now, you do not want to push me.

This...

Ends now. OK?

Thank you.

Put the kettle on, shall I?

She's chucked you out then?

You've got a week, Mum. And then you're gone.

-Fancy throwing her out like that.

-That woman was born in a sewer.

But it's me you're mad at. It's me that you're jealous of.

-I told you, I'm no such thing.

-I've seen the way you look at him.

Rose Elizabeth, you are a lady of easy virtue.

Do not tar the rest of us with your mucky brush.

If you can't forgive me for being happier than you,

I've only got one choice to make.

I've got to leave.

You know where the door is.

There you go. Cheers, darling.

-You all right? You been busy?

-You know me, darling. Busy busy.

-Ain't hardly seen you all day.

-That's why I'm back here now, make up for it.

You look fantastic. Kim, my little pumpkin.

Can I get you something to tickle this with? And while I'm tickling you,

how do you fancy buying an exclusive silver Christmas tree?

-That was clever, that was.

-I was just having a laugh.

No, I mean it, though. You're a clever girl.

Bit more school, you know, you could go places.

You're just scared cos the teacher told you off.

I'm just trying to do the right thing.

I don't want to risk losing you again.

All right, I'll go back.

You mean that?

Trust me. I'm a good girl.

You are.

You got the purple one?

-It's just here.

-Oh, OK.

This one doesn't work.

Use that blue. There you go, try that one again.

Yes, it does.

-What had you done to her then?

-It was...

..silly.

So why did Grandma Dot throw you out?

Long story, darling.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-I'll get it.

Shirley told me. You know, about the calls.

And the photos and all that other stuff.

It's... It's nothing to worry about, all right?

-She said you think someone's out to get you.

-No-one's going to get anyone.

It ain't about... well, last week, is it?

Ben, it ain't about you, all right?

-And I'm sorting it.

-It's sorted.

Anything else?

No.

What have you done?

-That little skank ain't going to bother us again.

-I told you not to involved.

-We just had a little chat.

Too much time's passed. There's no witness, no evidence.

No-one's going to get us, Phil.

You and me...we're invincible.

It's over.

-RECORDING OF PHIL'S VOICE:

-'Do you seriously think I'm going to risk that again?'

-'You gave them to Kevin.'

-'Yeah, and look how he ended up.

'No more stolen cars, no more cut-and-shuts.

'What do you want to do? Get somebody else killed?

RECORDING PLAYS OVER AND OVER

-They called this afternoon.

-This isn't a good time.

-Nan and me thought we'd put some dinner on.

-Yeah, great. In a while, yeah?

-She's doing really great. Isn't she?

-I'm just checking in.

Why don't you give us five minutes?

-This is my decision.

-I don't think you understand.

-I understand everything.

-Go back to the hospital.

-What gives you the right to push everyone around?

You haven't been to a single radiotherapy or chemo session for the last two weeks.

Why, Tanya? Why have you stopped your treatment?

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