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# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
# If you think we're on the run? | 0:00:07 | 0:00:12 | |
# We are the boys who will stop your little game | 0:00:12 | 0:00:17 | |
# We are the boys who will make you think again | 0:00:17 | 0:00:21 | |
# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler | 0:00:21 | 0:00:26 | |
# If you think old England's done? | 0:00:26 | 0:00:31 | |
# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21 | 0:00:31 | 0:00:36 | |
# But he comes home each evening | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
# And he's ready with his gun | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler | 0:00:41 | 0:00:46 | |
# If you think old England's done? # | 0:00:46 | 0:00:52 | |
-How are they now, Mr Mainwaring? -They're throbbing a bit, nurse, | 0:01:02 | 0:01:07 | |
-but I'll grin and bear it. -We've got a visitor to cheer you up. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:12 | |
Not Mrs Mainwaring! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:13 | |
No. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Two gentlemen. Come in. He's respectable. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
Can I do you now, sir? | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
-Ah! Come in, Jones. Hello, Wilson. -Hello, sir. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:25 | |
You can stay until the bell goes. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
-How sweet. Thanks for showing us the way. -That's all right, sir. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:32 | |
That uniform suits you awfully well. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
Thank you. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
-Thank you, nurse. -I think it's the belt you're wearing. It makes your waist look absolutely tiny! | 0:01:37 | 0:01:44 | |
That's all! | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
They have to work, not listen to this Ronald Coleman stuff! | 0:01:49 | 0:01:55 | |
I've brought these for you, sir. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
How kind! Make yourselves at home. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
-Thank you, sir. -Sit down, Jones. -Thanks very much. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:07 | |
Ooh! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:08 | |
Sorry. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
Hitler won't catch you bending, sir! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
That's right, Jones. Have to hide it from Matron, though. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:23 | |
Let's see what we've got here. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
Great Scott! | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
Grapes. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
I haven't tasted a grape... | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
-..since 1939. -Yeah. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:39 | |
Well, they're not real grapes, sir. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
We...we impersonated them from electric light wires and... | 0:02:41 | 0:02:46 | |
..shaved gooseberries. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
I see what you mean. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
We had trouble from the gooseberry fur, | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
but Mr Frazer found a bit of glass paper what he uses on ten-guinea coffins. | 0:02:57 | 0:03:04 | |
Yes, well, it was a kind thought. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
In fact I have received some fruit from Mrs Mainwaring. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
How nice! Is this it? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
-Yes, that's it. -How nice! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
It says "Get well soon." | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
-There's something on the back too. -Oh, yes, er... | 0:03:20 | 0:03:24 | |
-"The Anderson shelter's leaking." -Yes, well, it'll just have to wait. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:29 | |
-Tell me, how was the operation? -Ah, I want to talk to you about that...in private. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:36 | |
I wonder if you would mind popping out for a moment, Jones. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
-Me, sir? -Yes, I've got something personal to say to Sergeant Wilson. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:45 | |
Yes, sir. I understand, sir. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
I asked Jones to leave because... | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
I'll be outside, sir. I'll be just without of earshot. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:03 | |
-Thank you. -Thank you. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
I asked Jones to leave because I think you ought to see my feet. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:10 | |
Why? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Because I want you to understand every single implication of this... | 0:04:15 | 0:04:21 | |
-..whole affair. -Dear oh dear! | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
How awful! | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
-It's my contention that that has been caused by active service. -Ingrowing toenails? | 0:04:28 | 0:04:34 | |
Not a shadow of a doubt. The hours of duty. They'll never be the same. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:40 | |
-Will you try for a disablement pension? -No, no. But that's caused by the standing about I do. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:47 | |
You also do a lot of sitting about, don't you? Have you any trouble... down there? | 0:04:47 | 0:04:53 | |
You know, there's a certain coarse streak in you, Wilson. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:02 | |
I expect you picked it up at public school. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:06 | |
Awfully sorry. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
I'm alerting you so you can be on guard for yourself and the troops. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:14 | |
-I shall be very careful, sir. -Well, I shan't mention it again. Come in now, Jones! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:21 | |
I never heard a word, sir. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Glad to see our chaps are doing so well in the desert. Those Itai's are no match for Tommy Atkins. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:31 | |
You're right, sir. It's cos we keep going in with the old cold steel. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:36 | |
Them Wops ain't used to it, sir. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
Well, not many people can get used to it really. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:44 | |
Not surprising if you got a great big Grenadier Guard going WERRRRRR! | 0:05:44 | 0:05:49 | |
-Very few people can stomach that. -No, no, all right. Never mind that. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:54 | |
How's the platoon getting on? | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
-Swimmingly! -Really? -Oh, yes. Miss you, of course. | 0:05:56 | 0:06:00 | |
Yes, they're bound to. But, er... I'm afraid I'm here four more days. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:06 | |
Don't fret yourself, Mr Mainwaring. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
Mr Wilson has made us carry on as if you were there, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:13 | |
like an invisible presence, like a guiding star. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:18 | |
And he don't use "bull" like you do. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
I'm not in favour of bull. Are you maintaining discipline? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:26 | |
Yes. I'm keeping discipline very well - in my style. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:30 | |
Yeah (!) | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
Well, I hope to goodness you are. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
There's only one way to run an army, Wilson. You must have obedience. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:39 | |
Instant, unthinking obedience! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
THEY ALL SPEAK AT ONCE | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
Please, please, PLEASE! | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
-For heaven's sake! One at a time! -I'm sorry, Mr Wilson, but... | 0:06:48 | 0:06:53 | |
..I feel you were wrong. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
I wish you'd stop nagging at me. I've got the most dreadful headache. | 0:06:55 | 0:07:00 | |
The whole idea is doomed, DOOMED from the start, I tell ye. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:05 | |
You cannae have vicars in the army! | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
They don't mix. It's like oil and vinegar! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
Makes good salad dressing. What does? | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
Oil and vinegar. Provided you put the oil in first...or is it the vinegar? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:21 | |
I'm not talking about salad dressing. I'm saying that when YOUNG ARTHUR let the vicar join our platoon, | 0:07:21 | 0:07:28 | |
he made an idiot of himself. Go on, admit it, admit it! | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
What could I do? It's in the papers. Lots of clergymen are joining up. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:38 | |
And you mark my words. Yon verger - he's a Jonah! | 0:07:38 | 0:07:43 | |
He has a face like a sour prune. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
It wouldn't have happened if Mr Mainwaring had been here. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:51 | |
Well, he's not here for three days. I DO wish you'd stop going on at ME! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:56 | |
-You leave Uncle Arthur alone. -All right. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
Vicars can be very useful. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Look at Spencer Tracy. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
James Cagney was going to the chair, | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
and Spencer Tracy asked him to die like a coward | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
so the kids wouldn't think he was a hero. He went to the chair screaming. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:16 | |
- He died all yellow. - Wasn't that Charlie Chang? | 0:08:16 | 0:08:20 | |
Oh, Godfrey, please! | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
When we was with Lord Kitchener, we had a real nice padre with us. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:28 | |
A good one. He was a hard man, Lord Kitchener, | 0:08:28 | 0:08:32 | |
always cursin' and swearin', and this padre was always begging him to turn away from his evil habits. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:40 | |
Anyway, the night before the battle of Omdurman, he lined us up, | 0:08:40 | 0:08:45 | |
and he gave Lord Kitchener and all of us a drumhead service. Yes. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:50 | |
And the next day, just before the battle was due to commence, | 0:08:50 | 0:08:54 | |
Kitchener grabbed his binoculars, and he saw on the horizon 40,000 dervishes all chasing towards us. | 0:08:54 | 0:09:02 | |
"Oh, my God," he said. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
And the padre was all smiles cos he thought he'd done a good job. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
All right! There's no point going on about it. It's done. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
-It's nearly half-past. -What? You see! It's very naughty of you keeping me here. We ought to be on parade. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:21 | |
Now come along all of you. Quick as you can. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
Sorry I'm late. The confirmation class went on and on. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
-Have I missed anything? -We're starting parade now. -How exciting! | 0:09:31 | 0:09:36 | |
You left this in the vestry, your Reverence. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:40 | |
-Oh yes, silly me! -Now you're here, we can start. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
Goody, goody! Private Yateman, HAT! | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
You stand at the end. Watch what the others do and follow them. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:53 | |
Right, platoon... | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Properly at ease everywhere. Come along. Properly at ease. Platoon... | 0:09:55 | 0:10:00 | |
AttenTION! | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
At ease! ..Yes, well, | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
wasn't awfully good, was it? Try and get it all together. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:12 | |
Let's try again. Pay attention. At ease, platoon...attenTION! | 0:10:12 | 0:10:17 | |
Stand at EASE! | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
-Yes, that's better. -Oh no it wasn't! | 0:10:20 | 0:10:24 | |
It was a SHAMBLES! | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
Look! It's Hopalong Cassidy! | 0:10:27 | 0:10:31 | |
-We weren't expecting you for days. -Obviously. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
They need the beds for urgent cases so I discharged myself. Just as well. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:40 | |
-Nice to see you back, sir. -Thanks. -Even if you are dodgy on the pins. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:45 | |
I think I'd better inspect the men. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
-Right, squad, squad, SQUAD. -Uh-uh-uh, Wilson. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:53 | |
-Wilson, stand further away from my feet. -I'm sorry. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:58 | |
I beg your pardon. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Squad...squad, attenTION! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:04 | |
Very smart, Jones, as usual. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
Thank you sir. I always keep myself smart and alert. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:14 | |
I'm talking to you, but my eyes are darting hither and thither, | 0:11:14 | 0:11:20 | |
ready to see any danger lurking, | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
and if I detect the smallest peril, I'm on to it before you can say... | 0:11:23 | 0:11:28 | |
-..CRACK! AHHHH! Don't move! -GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:33 | |
Jones! | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
Jones! Put him down! | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
-And pick that up. -Yes, sir. Well... | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
..he moved and I detected him. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
Mr Mainwaring? Can I stand next to someone else? | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
Stay where you are, Pike. ..What's this? | 0:11:48 | 0:11:52 | |
-A violin case. -How dare you bring it on parade! | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
-Take this man's name. -Right, sir. -Stand away from my feet! | 0:11:56 | 0:12:01 | |
-Further. -I do beg your pardon. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
I haven't got a violin in it. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
It's me Tommy gun. Like Edward G Robinson in "Scarface." | 0:12:05 | 0:12:10 | |
-Do you know about this? -NAA NAA NAAAAAAAAA!!! | 0:12:10 | 0:12:14 | |
MY FEET! | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
Don't ever bring it on parade again. See me in the office afterwards. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:22 | |
-Where's Walker? -Oh, he asked me to leave a note in his place. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:29 | |
Pick it up. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
"Captain Mainwaring, personal." | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
Personal? Well, give it to me. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
Unusual perfume. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
Petrol. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
"Dear Cap... | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
"Thanks for letting me off. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
"Had to go up to the Smoke for a few days to do a deal. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:11 | |
"I can swing it for a grand, but I'll have to drop the geezer a pony. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:17 | |
"Of course, if I cop it for a bit under, I'll sweeten him with a monkey, | 0:13:17 | 0:13:24 | |
"and half a bar for his nippers. P.S Here's a couple of oncers for you." | 0:13:24 | 0:13:30 | |
How dare he try to bribe me! | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
-I'll see him in the office later. -There'll be quite a queue. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:42 | |
-That's enough. And WILL you get away from my feet?! -I'm sorry. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:47 | |
-Good evening. -Good eve... | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
What's that paper in your hat? | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
-Er...oh yes. That's for the sun. -For the sun? | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 | |
Sgt Wilson won't let me wear my panama, and my nose is sensitive. This was the next best thing. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:09 | |
-Words fail me (!) -He'd better see you in the office as well. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:22 | |
-Frazer, at least you look normal. -Thank you, sir. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
The wee moose will be gone from my pocket by the morrow. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
What? | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
The wee moose. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
I couldnae leave her by herself, sir. You see, she's... | 0:14:38 | 0:14:43 | |
Her bairns are due. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
O-oh! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:51 | |
Pregnant mice? Nose guards? Violins? | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
I'm away a few hours and the entire unit crumbles before your eyes. | 0:14:55 | 0:15:00 | |
What's this? | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
I've joined your happy band. And where he goes, there goest I. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:11 | |
If this is a joke, it's a bad one. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
-They asked to join and I saw no reason to stop them. -Follow me. All three of you. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:20 | |
Now, what's all this tomfoolery? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:29 | |
-Don't call his Reverence a Tomfool. -It's here in the paper. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:33 | |
-I read that rubbish. -They asked so I signed them on. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:37 | |
It was quite spontaneous. I've been wrestling with my conscience. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:43 | |
It's been agony. Night and day. Thank you, Mr Yateman. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:48 | |
I asked myself, "Could I stand and watch my wife being raped by a Nazi?" | 0:15:48 | 0:15:53 | |
"NO," I said, "I couldn't." | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
You're not married. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
I have a very vivid imagination. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
With the example of the other clergy, I knew my place was at your side. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:06 | |
-But I don't want you by my side. -I'm afraid it's too late now, sir. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:12 | |
-These the papers? -Yes, sir. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
-We'll see. -Don't destroy his particulars! | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
It won't help. They're duplicates. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
Right. If that's how the land lies, | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
soldiers you are and soldiers you shall be. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:28 | |
Parade with Jones's section tonight and see what the army's all about. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:33 | |
We won't spare you, I promise. There'll be no pulpit to lean on. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:38 | |
Left right, left right, left right, squad...HALT! | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
Left TURN! | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
Private Pike, Private Vicar and Private Verger, | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
stand fast, the rest into the guard room. Fall out. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:02 | |
You'd better put your tin helmets on in case a bomb drops on you. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:07 | |
Now listen, Private Vicar. Private Pike and I are going to demonstrate correct procedure for a soldier | 0:17:09 | 0:17:16 | |
guarding things while on sentry. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
Now, the first thing to look out for is parachuters, | 0:17:19 | 0:17:23 | |
saboteurs and enemies of the realm. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
If any of these should approach you, | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
you challenge them in the aforesaid manner. Private Pike, you show them. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:33 | |
Halt! Who goes there? | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
-That was very good. -Thanks very much. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
Now, you do it just like that. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
-Could I go in now? I'm cold. I haven't got my muffler. -Wherrr. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:48 | |
You don't want to bother about a muffler, boy! You're a soldier! | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
HE SNEEZES | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
You're right. It IS a bit nippy. Anyway, it won't take a tick. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:58 | |
You do what Private Pike just done. Come on. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:02 | |
Halt. Who goes there? | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Well, he's not going to come from down there, is he?! | 0:18:05 | 0:18:10 | |
Can't you make your voice a bit more fiercer, like a rough, devil-may-care, brutal person? | 0:18:10 | 0:18:18 | |
-I thought he did very well. -I'm not asking you. Silence in the ranks. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:23 | |
I'm not frightened of you at all. Quiet, Mr Yateman. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:28 | |
If I hear any more, he'll be on a FISA Section 40 doc. to discipline...prejudice. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:34 | |
-Can we do the next bit now? -Yeah. We'll do the next bit. What is it? | 0:18:34 | 0:18:40 | |
Upon being challenged with "Halt! Who goes there?", the saboteur or enemy of the realm says "Friend." | 0:18:40 | 0:18:47 | |
-Whereupon you say "Advance, friend, and be recognised." -Yeah, you do it. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:53 | |
Advance, friend, and be recognised. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
YOU haven't got to be friendly. You're asking him if HE'S friendly. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:03 | |
You don't want to be friendly, do you? | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Suppose he advances and I don't recognise him? | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
If you don't know him, he'll know you. Everyone knows and respects his Reverence. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:15 | |
Well, it's a bit more complicated, but you pick it up as you go along | 0:19:15 | 0:19:21 | |
and if you have any bother, you send for the guard commander, that's me, | 0:19:21 | 0:19:26 | |
and if I have any trouble, or anyone shoots you, I call out | 0:19:26 | 0:19:31 | |
"Turn out the guard, turn out the guard" and we come and help you. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:35 | |
Let's go in. It's a bit nippy out here. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
Heh-heh-heh, will you look at that? | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
Two shillings for a packet of 20 cigarettes - highway robbery! | 0:19:45 | 0:19:50 | |
I know, the world's gone mad. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
I remember, when I was young, some of us young blades decided to have a good night out. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:59 | |
We went to London, saw the show at the Gaiety Theatre, and had a slap-up supper - | 0:19:59 | 0:20:06 | |
four courses, with wine. Then we all sailed home in hansom cabs. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
And we had change out of half a sovereign! | 0:20:10 | 0:20:14 | |
You know the trouble wi' you Godfrey, you've always been a spendthrift. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:20 | |
Prices aren't too bad. Pikey and I went to the Rosemary Cafe in Eastgate for lunch. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:29 | |
We had brown Windsor soup, we had whale cutlets, mashed potatoes, swedes, | 0:20:29 | 0:20:36 | |
tapioca pudding and a cup of tea - | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
Ninepence! | 0:20:39 | 0:20:40 | |
Mind you, it wasn't very good. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:44 | |
I was sick. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
# Oft in danger Oft in woe | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
# Christian soldiers onward... # | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Your Reverence! | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
Somebody is approaching. Where? | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
There. Through the murk. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
Oh dear! Will you do it or will I? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
Don't worry. I'll take care of it. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
Halt! Who goes there? | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
What? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
Who goes there? | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
Adolf. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
What did he say? | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
He said Adolf! Did you say Adolf? | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
That's right. Adolf Hitler. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
I think it's a cheeky young boy having us on. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
Come here, boy. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
If you don't behave, you'll be in trouble, for disobeying army orders. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:36 | |
Go on! You're not proper soldiers. You're a vicar and he's a verger. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:41 | |
I'm not taking any notice of you. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
One more chance! Say it again, Mr Yateman. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:48 | |
Who goes there? | 0:21:48 | 0:21:50 | |
- Adolf Hitler! - Oh no! We'd better call Mr Jones. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:54 | |
I could clip him round the ear. No, we'll call Mr Jones. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:59 | |
Turn out the guard! | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
Come on, lads. The vicar's in trouble. Turn out the guard! Where's the enemy? Where are they? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:09 | |
Fix bayonets! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:10 | |
We said "Halt! Who goes there?" and he refuses to say "Friend." | 0:22:10 | 0:22:15 | |
-Who? -This little boy. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
You didnae turn us out for him! | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
He's supposed to say it. You said so! | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
I know that boy. He's a cheeky little monkey. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:27 | |
He comes into my shop when it's full of people and shouts "Sainsbury's!" | 0:22:27 | 0:22:32 | |
He comes into our bank and shouts, "National Provincial." | 0:22:33 | 0:22:38 | |
-You can't do anything. You're not proper soldiers. -Oh, aren't we? We'll show you. Bring him inside. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:45 | |
You heard what the corporal said. Get inside! | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
He hit me! You're not supposed to. It's against the Geneva convention. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:55 | |
Yes. And so's that! | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
Come in here, young fellow-me-lad. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
He hit me, the bully. I'll tell my Uncle Willy on you. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:05 | |
Hey, hey! I want nae backchat, son. I'm going to talk to you in your AIN language. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:11 | |
WATCH OOT! Or I'll hand you over to the polis. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:15 | |
For not compiling with lawful things what we're telling you about. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:21 | |
-What's going on? Where's the guard? -We've taken a suspect, and we're interrogorating him. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:28 | |
-Suspect? Where? -Over there, sir. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
-He doesn't look suspicious. -He said his name was Adolf Hitler. -Don't take too much stock of that. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:39 | |
Run along. In future, don't be cheeky. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
He hit me. I want an apology. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
-Go, or my sergeant will put a belt round your backside. -So! Assault, battery, threats and foul language. | 0:23:45 | 0:23:52 | |
-I'll tell my uncle. He'll have the law on you. -Wilson, see him off. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:57 | |
-Pardon, sir? -See him off! -Please stop addressing me like a labrador. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:02 | |
Go on, you little perisher! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
Now, in case there's a follow-up to this, I want a report from you all, as soon as you are relieved. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:16 | |
I was joking when this guard skelped me across the lug. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:21 | |
Go on, Hamish. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:23 | |
Then they all set on me. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
- Shovin' and punchin'? - Yeah. Then old sourface... | 0:24:25 | 0:24:29 | |
- Mainwaring? - Yes. He said I'd get a whipping so I ran off. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:34 | |
If anything makes my blood boil, it's cruelty to children. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:38 | |
They were very cruel. Come on. I'll settle their hash. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:43 | |
You going to fight him? | 0:24:43 | 0:24:45 | |
Well. We'll see what happens. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
He's a cheeky wee devil. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
-He deserved a skelping. -Thank you, Frazer. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
If you have the details, I'll sign. From my experience, that's the last we'll hear of it. | 0:24:55 | 0:25:02 | |
Mainwaring! Jacket off and outside! | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
What are you talking about? How dare you come barging in? | 0:25:07 | 0:25:11 | |
Hamish, repeat what you told me. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
That's him, Uncle Willy. He hit me again and again. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
-Uncle Willy? -HE pointed his bayonet at me, and the fat one said, | 0:25:18 | 0:25:24 | |
"Run along or my sergeant will put his belt across your backside." | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
That's your mark, isn't it, bullying little boys. Why not pick on someone your own size? Try me! Come on! | 0:25:28 | 0:25:36 | |
Hold my glasses, Wilson. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Just a minute sir. Don't tangle with him in your crippled state. I'll do it, sir. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:48 | |
No, Jonesy. You're too old. Come on, PUT 'EM UP! | 0:25:48 | 0:25:52 | |
That's nice, that is. Eight against one. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:57 | |
Seven. I'm not well. | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
Right. I'm bringing charges. I'm having you all up in court. You'll hear a few home truths there. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:07 | |
They're a laughing stock. Laughing stock. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
PLAYING soldiers. Playing! That's all. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:14 | |
-And his sausages are ALL BREAD! -My sausages are NOT... | 0:26:14 | 0:26:19 | |
..well, you can't get the meat, sir. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
You should hear us laugh when you come on parade and HE's hobbling around with his Red Cross handbag! | 0:26:22 | 0:26:30 | |
You with your Red Cross handbag! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
They're almost as funny as the wardens. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
Yeah! As funny as... WHAT DID YOU SAY? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
You with your white hat and your flat nose and your "Fire! Fire!" | 0:26:39 | 0:26:44 | |
YOU CHEEKY LITTLE WHIPPERSNAPPER! I'll get you outside! | 0:26:44 | 0:26:48 | |
I think that's the last we've heard of that. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:55 | |
Although, one thing is quite clear. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
If you, Vicar, and you, Verger, had dealt with it in a military fashion, this wouldn't have happened. | 0:26:57 | 0:27:05 | |
So it's all my fault, is it? It's his Reverence's fault?! | 0:27:05 | 0:27:09 | |
As far as I'm concerned, it shows how SILLY the whole thing is. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
I'm fed up of you all. Keep your silly gun! And your silly hat! | 0:27:13 | 0:27:19 | |
- And your silly TUNIC! - What about the silly trousers? | 0:27:19 | 0:27:24 | |
I'll send them round in the morning. Come on! | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
Help! There's a bomb in the High Street, the town will be on fire. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:33 | |
-Sand buckets, Frazer! Get the pump! Pike, two buckets of water. -Sorry! I didn't mean to tread on your foot. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:40 | |
Never mind that. There's a war on. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:42 | |
Where's my helmet? At the double! | 0:27:42 | 0:27:46 | |
Subtitles by David Padmore - 1993 - | 0:28:33 | 0:28:37 |