A house-hunting day becomes more stressful and competitive than anyone had bargained for. Meanwhile, Heston and Jack prepare their opening statements.
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Ah! Jimmi, that's really sweet.
What's all this?
I'm just emailing the house hunter.
Ugh, can't we cancel? How often do we get a day off together?
-She's expecting us.
-So? Just tell her you're sick, or something,
-I can think of better ways to pass the time.
It's my mum. Ha!
She says everyone's jealous that we're employing a house hunter!
She'll charge a whacking commission.
If she does the donkey work it's worth it.
-She doesn't know us, how's she going to find us our dream home?
Our own personal wish list, I'm just typing it up now.
You mean our personal wish list that you've filled in on your own?
For both of us? Come here.
Walk in wardrobe...
-hot tub. Are you serious? In Letherbridge?
-You never know!
I am not living in a pink palace, I need to add in a few things.
What? A power point for your PlayStation?
Ha-ha-ha(!) Sure this is a good idea?
Yeah, she's a professional, she knows property,
-which is more than we do!
-What's her name again?
-Come back to bed!
-In a minute! Stop bleating, will you?
Clive! I've told you not to waste the battery! Switch it off.
I'll save it for later, for when I'm feeling horny.
Darling, you're always horny. Why else d'you think I'm here.
It's not for your scintillating conversation is it?
-I'm feeling quite horny now actually.
-I've got to go.
-Because some of us have to work,
-we can't all live off Mummy and Daddy!
(It's my agent.)
Great, thanks, how are you?
Yes, of course I'm still interested!
Oh, I thought we had another week?
No, it's fine. You know me, always on it!
Sure, you'll have it first thing.
OK, speak to you later.
They need the show reel by tomorrow.
How the hell am I going to manage that?
Don't suppose there's any chance of some brekkie is there?
Oh, Mum, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble!
It's no trouble!
Besides, you need a good breakfast
before you do all that house hunting.
Mummy, can we have two houses?
-Two? Why do we need two?
-So Ellie can come.
-She's my friend.
I'm not sure her mummy and daddy would be too pleased, darling.
They would if they saw the prices round here.
-Some real bargains out there.
-Today's just fact-finding. Research.
-Yes, I know/
But it's always good to have an open mind.
I just hope Cherry and Jimmi don't mind us tagging along too much.
Course they won't! Come on, get stuck in.
Chloe cut her own soldiers.
This is really good of you, Julia.
Well, it's nice to be a family again.
I could get used to this, you know!
Darren? Can you keep it down, mate? I'm trying to work. Thanks.
-Can I help you, mate?
I hear you're prosecuting the Watson Re-enactment.
Yeah, it's not a secret.
-I wondered if you'd be needing a barrister's clerk?
It's just...it's a pet subject of mine.
-I wrote a dissertation on it.
-On this case?
By the way, who's your opposing counsel?
-KNOCK ON DOOR
Doctor Carter? Oh, my word!
Are these the case files?
I have been reading up about the trial.
-I have my own theories.
-If there's nothing else. I'm very, very busy.
Oh, yes, your post.
I was wondering.
Maybe I can help you prepare for the trial?
I love courtroom dramas, I watch them all the time...
That won't be necessary. It's an open and shut case.
But she was hanged!
I'm very well aware of that, Mrs Tembe.
So, how do you intend to get her off?
I'll think of something. I will...improvise.
Pfft! I'm glad you are not representing me!
I've got a variety of properties to show you.
Letherbridge is becoming very highly sought after by young professionals,
which means there are more buyers than properties.
so today could get competitive.
This is our house search, isn't it?
Oh, absolutely, we're not actively looking, so...
We are interested, darling, we're not as far along as you are,
but we can be an outside eye, if that's OK?
And just think of me as Phil to Rachel's Kirstie!
Well, yes, shall we just get started then?
Unless you've got any questions?
-I've got a question, what's in it for you?
I'm completely transparent with all my clients regarding costs.
Here's everything you need to know.
Unless of course you'd rather spend the next six months
trudging round estate agent's offices? Such fun!
-They seem like a nice bunch.
-Hm, yes, more's the pity.
So? What did you think of my Phil and Kirstie line?
Clive, don't bury yourself in the part.
Your follow-up appointment will be at three o'clock on Tuesday, Mrs Dalton.
-Would you like me to make you a little card?
No more than usual.
-Is there something you wanted, Doctor Carter?
-No, no, no.
Erm, well, it's just, you said you watched a lot of courtroom drama.
My friends say, "Winifred, you could write a best seller!"
Hopefully one of these days!
Well, it's just I'm writing my opening statement and, er...
I've got a little bit stuck.
-Wondering if you could help?
-If you buy me lunch.
-What d'you think? It's certainly got kerb appeal.
-I'm not keen on gated communities,
it's a bit Stepford Wives.
It's a great place for children, if that's a consideration?
-It is for us, we want loads of them, don't we?
-Shall we just go inside?
-Of course. After you.
Actually, Clive, why don't you wait here? We won't be long.
Now we're at the top of your budget,
but I think you'll agree it's the VERY definition
of modern open plan living.
Bright, spacious, first class spec.
-The space is fantastic.
-How expensive are we talking?
-It's a bit clinical for my liking.
-Fully integrated kitchen, four modern bedrooms.
-One has been converted into a den.
-Warming to it. Patrick?
We could move in now, it's exactly what we want!
There's something else that was on your wish list in the main bedroom.
-Not your cup of tea?
Bit like an oversized bachelor pad.
-How long have you known Cherry and Jimmi?
-We hardly know them at all.
Oh, I see.
Actually, I'm glad I've got you on your own.
So what d'you reckon to this place, then?
If I was 21 I'd already be signing the lease.
Not fair is it?
I remember the first place Sally and I had, that was a new build.
-Felt like someone else's life.
-Oh, yeah, I might have known!
What do you think?
-There's a walk-in wardrobe!
I must be getting old, but it's not for me.
-Are you deaf?
I said there's a walk-in wardrobe!
Yeah, but there's no hot tub!
Things haven't been great for a while, we just need a project.
-A new place would be perfect.
-Are you planning to grow the family?
-Is that estate agent speak for having more kids?
-Sorry, I didn't mean...
It's all right. We have one daughter and that's enough.
Well, at least it is for me.
Look, if you really are wanting to buy
I could juggle the properties we're seeing next.
-Something more to your taste.
-What about Cherry and Jimmi?
Well, like you said, you hardly know them.
-I think we're ready to move on.
-Well, I liked it!
-Yeah, but I think Jimmi's right, though.
-Plus, it's not very child friendly, is it?
-Yeah, I suppose.
What you were saying earlier about kids. How many do you actually want?
Right! Onwards and upwards!
Why? Where's next? A high rise? CHERRY LAUGHS
You'll just have to wait and see!
-Everything all right?
You've had two missed calls from Max.
What will you do about this show reel cos it's not going to shoot itself!
Actually, it might. I've got a little mission for you.
Sounds fun, where are we off to next?
-Right, I don't think we've got details for that one.
No, we wouldn't have. You can drive.
-Can you just run that by me again?
-Amelia was iniquitous -
entirely cognisant that she'd sacrificed her whole estate
and societal position. Ergo the murder.
-There's only one possible adjudication.
-Let's hope so.
No, there is. Res Ipsa Loquitur, "The thing speaks for itself."
Yeah, not great with the Latin.
No? I think everyone should have at least one dead language.
-Got to start my shift - haven't looked at the witness statements.
-I can do that for you.
We could reconvene later.
-I'll brief you on them.
-You don't mind?
-Animadverto vos anon.
-I'll see you anon.
Three bedrooms and a family bathroom.
-The loft's just begging to be converted.
-Is there a funny smell in here?
Bags of potential, don't you think?
Hmm, think I'll have a nosey outside.
Why don't you have a look upstairs. The bedrooms are a good size.
-You wanted a project?
-In that case, maybe you should work on your husband?
-Time for you to do your bit.
-You keep them busy while I set up down here.
Oh, and Clive? Don't balls it up!
So, what d'you think?
I don't think it's Cherry's cup of tea.
I mean for us! Chloe would love this.
She'd miss her friends.
She's eight years old, Patrick, she'll make new ones.
We can't just up everything and move. We need to be practical.
You sound just like your father!
I should have known you'd get that one in!
-I don't trust her, she's up to something.
-Yeah, finding us a house!
-Just not this one.
-I caught her saying something to Sally.
Hiya, how are you getting on?
Yeah, fine, interesting...decor.
So, I take it you're not keen?
-Shame, given it's 50k under your budget.
We could stay at your mum's while it's being renovated.
Chloe can have the loft
and we could convert the other two bedrooms into offices.
Or keep one for a nursery.
Oh, for goodness sake, let's not have that conversation again!
Guys, could you come back inside, please? It's important.
Rachel, can I have a word...
Sure, I just need to get everyone in here first.
Right, I've had a call from the vendor
-and someone's put in an offer.
-It hasn't been accepted yet,
but I need to know, are you interested?
I thought you wanted somewhere you could move into immediately?
Yeah, we do but, you know, we can get a builder in,
strip the place out, get the exact spec we want!
-So you're a property developer?
-What's that supposed to mean?
-You are being naive.
-Don't talk to her like that.
We're interested too and we get first refusal.
-I don't think so!
-Cherry did chip in before you did.
We can't move this fast. We need to talk it through with Mum for a start.
How quickly do you need a decision?
-Realistically, I'd need one now.
Sally, we can't do this.
Our own house isn't even on the market. Be realistic!
We need to talk. Lots of work needs to be done.
-No, you're right, we can't do it.
-Sorry, we need more time.
-Cherry, what about you?
Jimmi's right, it's a lot to take on.
-But it's a bargain...
-Why don't we all decamp for lunch? Take a breather?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have a go.
I think you're making a huge mistake.
-Rachel, why are you so desperate to make a sale?
Well, you are. You've been stirring things up all morning.
-I've had enough, let's just go.
-No wait! Look, I'm sorry.
The truth is, I've been approached
-about presenting a new TV show about house hunting.
-This one's competitive.
-You're made for it.
I need prospective buyers
who don't mind appearing on camera for my audition.
Would you be interested?
So...we'd be on the telly?
-No! No way.
I'm sorry, Rachel, you were employed to help find us a house,
not turn us into celebrities.
But I've got so many great properties to show you.
Forget the TV thing. Just give me another chance.
Meet me in the Icon bar in an hour? Please?
We'll think about it.
But we could be on the telly!
Look, after my last brush with fame, I ended up chained to a radiator.
-What about the other properties?
We could at least have a look at them.
-You got some great footage!
-Except it's useless for my show reel!
-Because I need to make the actual sale on camera, Clive!
And in case you hadn't noticed they both turned it down!
Shame, I thought they could have been really happy here.
As if I give a fig about that!
So, what are you going to do now?
I'll just have to offer them a house they can't possibly refuse.
"A monstrous and unnatural woman", that's what the press called her.
But there are so many extenuating circumstances!
Yes, but my whole defence
is based on reinterpreting existing testimony.
I can't re-interview witnesses, they died years ago.
All you have to do is to prove that there was a reasonable doubt.
-What did you think of my opening statement?
It is too preachy! Even for me.
You sound more like a vicar than a lawyer.
All right, well, I'm no Perry Mason.
She was a child, Doctor Carter. Nineteen years old!
You have to put the jury in her shoes.
Make them feel her pain.
Show them the person behind the headlines.
Now, that is what Perry Mason would do.
Well, these are your closing and opening statements.
I've also written some suggested cross examination questions.
I thought we were just bouncing ideas around?
Sorry, I just got a bit carried away.
-Hi, Rachel, how are you?
-I'm fine, thanks.
So, we hear you're going to be a reality TV star?
Yes, the less said about that the better!
So, just a rehearsal, or are you going to find us a house?
Definitely the latter!
Speaking of which, I've got one more property I'd like to show you.
Let's call it my wild card.
-It's pretty heavy on the legal jargon.
Given that your opponent has only limited knowledge
of the proceedings,
let's make him feel as uncomfortable as possible.
But you said there was only one possible adjudication?
-Then why not prosecute the facts
rather than score intellectual points?
Every argument in there is based on factual accuracy and logic.
-The language is entirely appropriate to the period.
-I'm not sure.
-You do want to win, don't you?
Well, then. What's the problem?
-Impressive, isn't it?
-Almost too good to be true.
-Where's the "For Sale" sign?
It's only just come on the market, they haven't had time.
Rachel, this can't possibly be in our price range.
Well, it is top end, but it's just about on budget
AND we're the first ones through the door!
-Almost the first.
-Afternoon all! Do come in.
So, as you can see, it's period, with a contemporary finish.
Three bedrooms, two with an en-suite.
-One of which has a walk in wardrobe.
OK, so there's no hot tub, but there is a whirlpool bath
and the kitchen is to die for!
I think you'll find I've thought of everything.
-Why don't you have a look round?
-Be my guest.
-Is everything in place?
-And ready to record.
And you've hidden away anything relating to the owner?
-Well, do you want to go chivvy them along?
Besides, I'd hate to be accused of doing a hard sell!
-Fancy a sneaky cigarette?
-You know what...
I've got a better idea. Come on.
She's way too confident.
-Maybe you've got her all wrong?
-I don't think so.
-Jimmi, it's perfect!
It's too perfect! It's like a show home...
What are we looking for anyway?
I don't know. Listening devices?
This isn't Spooks, Patrick!
I tell you what though, it's a gorgeous house.
Yeah, I know, I tell you, even I'm tempted by this one!
Can't help it. You being all clever has given me the raging horn!
Our relationship's supposed to be purely professional, remember?
-Yeah, yeah, but you're so getting it later!
It's Max again!
There's nothing going on between you and Max is there?
No, he's old enough to be my father!
-There are some things even I won't do for my career!
You wait here. And keep your hand off it!
-Hi, is everything OK?
-We want it.
We want to put a cheeky offer in before Cherry gets her oar in!
Ahem! I heard that!
You cow! This is our property search!
-You're too late!
-What's going on?
They've only gazumped us! This isn't not fair!
-That's property, sweetheart!
-Don't talk to her like that!
-Seriously? What are you going to do about it?
-Please, I'm sure we can work this out.
-How? We can't both have it!
No, but I've got an idea. A way of resolving the situation.
-We flip a coin. That way there's a 50-50 chance.
-Winner takes all.
-OK, Let's do it.
And that's what I call competitive house hunting!
Shame you didn't get it on tape, isn't it, for your audition.
-So, you going to call the vendor for us now?
-There's no rush.
Why don't you just call him yourself? He's outside.
Clive, you did a great job.
You know, the house, perfect, but it's not actually for sale, is it?
Of course it's for sale.
Then there's the small matter
of there being no personal mementoes anywhere.
You had to do that so we didn't realise it was a set up,
but one thing you forgot.
The one thing that most people routinely personalise
without really thinking about it.
'Hi, you've reached Clive Greene.
'Feel free to leave a message after the beep.'
What do you reckon, maybe we could mark this for posterity?
-Smile! You're on candid camera.
-That's my property, give it back!
-No, actually this one is from the bedroom upstairs.
-Shall I delete this?
-No! Please! It's for my audition.
I think you've got more of a face for radio.
-All set for tomorrow?
Had a bit of a fall out with my barrister's clerk.
He knows more about this case than anyone and I just sacked him.
-Disagreement over tactics.
He wanted me to try and blind Heston and the jury with legalese.
most of which I don't even understand myself!
I might have bitten off more than I can chew here?
You think you're going to lose? I thought you were confident!
-Mind you, I did have my own doubts.
About Amelia killing the baby.
-Come off it! She killed him.
-How d'you know?
That child's illegitimacy cost her everything.
The man she loved, her reputation.
What, you saying that she murdered her own kid? Nah.
The child was born of rape! Is it any wonder she turned on it?
It was a constant screeching reminder of everything she'd lost!
You sound pretty confident to me.
You did that on purpose!
The jury want to hear the truth, son, they don't want to hear fancy words.
If you want my advice follow your gut instincts.
Sounds like the day from hell!
Would you like another one, Mummy? I made them.
Oh, I know! Thank you, darling.
-It was unusual.
-That's putting it mildly.
I feel really bad. I recommended that woman.
You weren't to know she was a fruit cake!
Honestly, it was worth it just to see her face.
It certainly was a picture!
I told you we were mugs getting a house hunter.
Well, she got her comeuppance in the end, didn't she?
-Yeah, thanks to Inspector Morse, here.
-I did my bit too!
Who would I be?
I like to think of myself more like...
Charlie's Angels thank you very much!
What are they for?
Well, I thought we could have a look at the property pages.
There's no way I'm spending the rest of my day off
looking at those things.
-Oh, you're very funny!
Well, I guess we learnt a valuable lesson today.
Fools rush in!
We've also learnt that our money could go a lot further here.
-Don't forget these.
-Oh, thanks, Julia.
I just think we need to come back
and spend a bit more time looking, that's all.
Time's the one thing we don't have. The market's manic here.
-We'd have to move so fast our house would be stuck on the market.
-you wouldn't. You can come and stay here.
Well, I was just saying to Sally, you sell your place
move in with me for a while and then you can find somewhere.
-Oh, I see, you've been discussing this?
Say goodbye to Nardee, Chloe.
Thanks, Mum, we'll be in touch.
Are you going to be like this all the way home?
-You went behind my back, Sally!
-Are you surprised?
It's like I'm treading on eggshells!
We are not discussing this now!
Fine! I don't know why I bother!
Was he violent? Did he threaten the child?
No...he was crying.
Oh, I've found the perfect house!
You're always finding the perfect house.
You wanted Amelia Watson out of the way.
-so you could take her place!
-No. That's not what I...
You did everything you could to destroy the marriage.
Even having an innocent woman convicted of murder!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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A day out house-hunting becomes more stressful and competitive than anyone had bargained for. When Heston and Jack both feel out of their depths, they take up much needed offers of help as they prepare their opening statements for the Victorian court re-enactment.