Different Kind of Prison Doctors

BOTH: You forgot, "No Fireworks"!

BANGING

You cowards! I'll slit your throats!

What are you staring at?

RADIO: 'Two of his victims, all elderly males,

'have been hospitalised with shock. Believed to be in his thirties,

'the distraction burglar has made off with cash

'and jewellery, but also highly personal items such as photo albums and letters.

'Posing as an official and armed with a knife,

'he has struck three times in the last three days.

'Letherbridge police are unclear what could be motivating these crimes.

'They advise residents to remain vigilant

'and if in any doubt, refuse entry to a stranger visiting unannounced.'

'You're listening to Letherbridge FM.'

Three men, in battle.

Shots raining in from all directions...

THEY MAKE BULLET SOUNDS

..the end imminent...

Inevitable...

Resigned, they reveal their deepest, most intimate concerns.

This brings them together.

-Angles.

-Angles.

-Communication.

-Communication.

-Teamwork.

-Team...

BOTH: A-C-T!

And they triumph!

-Like in Saving Private Ryan.

-Only with paint.

How old?

So much older...

and also wiser.

So, soldier, what's your "deepest concern"?

That's between me and my men.

-Oh, come on.

-What you don't share things with your girlfriends?

Out of my way! The next person who says that the second trimester is a walk in the park gets it.

-So, was Daniel full of it too, on Friday?

-What?

-After the paintballing?

-Not particularly.

Oh...

but he did tell me a big fat juicy secret...

..about Jimmi.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Charles Graham?

Here to read the gas meter, sir.

Feel free to call the company who will confirm the appointment.

The number is on the latest bill, or I have it here.

(Come on.)

-I've been making plans.

-Oh, I can't wait!

Tuscany.

Now, these four vineyards are ABSOLUTELY unmissable

and we have to see the cheese maker in the next door village

there's a market there on Tuesday and a lovely one there on Thursday.

Then of course there is Florence, Sienna and Volterra,

-which is very interesting...

-Sounds like we need a year not a week!

Well, there's a thought. Hm.

D'you know I was so excited, I even told my son.

-That's lovely!

-Yeah, except that now he wants to meet you.

-Thinks that we're serious.

-Perfectly natural request.

Hm, except that, er, Ian can be a bit of a difficult so and so from time to time.

Oh, I spend my day with a lot of difficult so and sos!

I knew you'd understand.

I told him to join us for lunch today. That's OK, isn't it?

Absolutely.

The sooner the better.

That's it, thank you.

So, when will this bill be sent out?

Charlie Graham, this is the worst day of your life.

BANGING AND SMASHING

-I have successfully avoided meeting potential step children my entire adult life...

-Well done.

..and now BANG! I have to have lunch with one. It's terrifying.

Any tips?

-Me?!

-Well, you're his age. Near enough.

Er...

Be yourself?

Cherry, cliches won't do, this is serious.

Apparently he's a bit of a...handful.

I'm sorry, Heston, I don't know what to say.

I know that kids can be fragile after a divorce, even at his age.

-Yeah?

-And he'll want to make sure that his mum's not hurt

-or messed around again.

-No.

So, if you're serious about Marina,

then you need to make sure that he sees that

-and I'm sure he'll be thrilled that you're with his mum.

-Really?

-Heston?

-Yes?

Has Jimmi told you any secrets recently?

-Fair few break-ins round here I bet?

-No.

-Surprising.

-Not really, it's mainly old people,

so they tend to be in most of the time...

fit good locks, they've all got alarms.

Once you've been in Letherbridge for over a week,

you'll realise that there are far easier targets.

And places far more likely to hear a gunshot.

What do you think this was then?

My Christmas bonus says fireworks.

-Not that we'll get a bonus this year.

-But if it's old people living here...

Well, old people have young grandkids.

I suppose, Sarge, even with your experience,

-you've got to keep an open mind with incidents like this?

-My mind's always open.

Always.

Yes?

Mr Graham?

-Yes.

-I'm Sergeant Hollins, this is PC Mackie.

We've had a call from one of your neighbours

saying that they heard something like a gunshot,

so we thought we'd check everything was all right.

Mr Graham?

Well, no, it's not, actually.

I had these two runts, they were setting off bangers in my driveway.

Er...look.

They should be strung up, along with the parents.

Did you recognise the school uniform?

They weren't in uniform.

Right, OK, but you are all right, apart from the inconvenience?

Yeah.

If you see them again give the station a call

-and we'll try and identify them and we'll be sure to have a word.

-Right.

Thanks, have a good day, sir.

-Brave kids, picking on him.

-He seemed to be out of breath.

-Probably because he'd been chasing them down the street.

-Shouldn't we have gone in?

-If Mr Graham's been shot, he's bearing up well, don't you think?

-I just got this feeling.

Get in the car, Sherlock.

"Be sure to have a word."

This is my point!

In a few months they'd have you out for good behaviour.

And you'd be at it again.

You need a lesson.

Hi!

Oh, hi.

Erm, this is Ian.

Hello, Ian, pleased to meet you.

-Hello.

-Hope the place is OK? Food can be a little bit hit and miss.

-Can't go wrong with pub food, can you?

-I wouldn't call it pub.

-It's lovely.

Ian, can I just say, right from the start,

that your mother is a wonderful woman and she makes me very happy.

What is this, some romcom?

Could we have a couple of minutes.

No, no, it's fine. Could I have a cheese sandwich on white

-and a coke and, Ian?

-The same please.

-You haven't even looked at the specials?

-No, that'll be fine.

OK, I'll have a prawn and avocado salad,

with pecans and pomegranate vinaigrette. Thank you.

Well!

Zara reckons she knows a secret that you told Daniel and Kevin on Friday.

-Ah, well, she doesn't know the full story, not yet anyway.

-What's going on, Jimmi?

-OK, I've got some bad news and some good news.

-What?

-Our buyers have pulled out.

-No!

-When?

-A few days ago.

-Why didn't you...

I didn't want to say anything until I'd sorted out new buyers.

-And?

-It's sorted.

-Well, that's great, who are they?

Daniel and Zara, it's brilliant isn't it?

Zara hates your house, why would she agree to that?

Well, she doesn't know yet.

-What?

-Daniel wants it to be a surprise,

she just knows that our buyers have pulled out.

-Jimmi!

-He's sure that she'll go along with it.

-Are you mad? There is not a chance in hell.

-We sell to Daniel or we lose our house.

-We'll find another buyer.

-The vendors have had other people round.

-So, they've put it back on the market?

-Not officially,

but they've had people round. Our estate agent's have spoken.

I've sorted it with the solicitors, it confirms our intention to sell to Daniel and his intention to buy.

Now, if we all sign this the estate agent thinks it should reassure the vendors

and they won't show anyone else around. Daniel's signed it, so have I.

Look, I want the house as much as you do

and we can sort it today, but this is the only way.

At least think about it.

It will be a total disaster.

Curtain twitchers do waste a lot of our time,

-but every now and again they strike gold.

-It definitely his?

What, the van? Yeah, it was spotted at yesterday's burglary

-and it's been here for about two hours apparently.

-Why would he be hanging around?

-Don't know, still choosing his next victim?

-Bit of a coincidence isn't it?

-Two calls in an hour in a quiet neighbourhood like this?

-Hm, yeah...

..but that's all it is though. Unless you can connect the kids with the fireworks

and our distraction burglar.

Well, Drew Prichard.

I think you might have picked the wrong house.

You are a disgrace.

You are a spineless, scavenging embarrassment.

But you know what the biggest crime is?

That the law in this country

doesn't allow people to use force against cowards like you.

To protect their own properties!

Well, I'm sorry...

..but that's just wrong.

What people don't realise about me is

that inside I still think I'm 30-years-old.

Inside it's still 1971

and I'm hunting terrorists in Londonderry.

Being singled out by the likes of you as a pushover

isn't very good for the ego.

Ian, I understand you've been flat hunting.

How's that going?

Great, I should have a deposit by my mid-30s.

Yeah, I know it can be beastly. Hopefully it's going to get better and then...

So, you've been married before then, Heston?

Yes. Yes.

-So, what went wrong with that then?

-Ian.

-It's a valid question.

Was it his fault or hers?

Look, Ian, I understand your concerns.

Your mother is a wonderful woman I'm not going to play silly games.

That's great, but what I'm more worried about

is why you're both in such a hurry. You're like 16-year-olds on heat.

Ian, we just happen to like each other very much.

You don't know each other. You've only just met and you're going on holiday together?

Well, when you get a bit older and you find someone really special,

there's no point dilly-dallying.

Now, it may sound like a romcom, but

a week right now without your mother

would probably be the most miserable week of my life.

-Oh, don't be silly, Ian.

-I've got to go.

Well, at least finish your food.

Please don't do this.

See you later.

I remember this one suspect I had tied up in an internment swoop.

I had proof he'd killed an RUC officer.

I just couldn't help myself.

For three hours I beat him with a baton

and with these.

Privates, stomach the lot.

Then I put an electric fire under him.

But you know what?

At least he believed in something.

What do you believe in, Drew Prichard?

-Look inside the bag.

-Eh?

Look in the bag.

Ring any bells?

Should it?

20 years ago today...

14th November 1991.

A silver Rover leaves the Red Fox pub, just outside Letherbridge.

Inside four middle-aged men.

All ex-army.

Been drinking all night,

except the driver.

-He'd been on it all day and all.

-And?

Not far from the pub, in a quiet lane...

..that car hit a woman...

..Angie...

..my fiancee.

I was holding her hand.

A minute later she died in my arms.

The car never stopped.

All the punters at the Red Fox Pub were all ex-servicemen, they closed ranks.

Said the men were just tourists, they were passing through.

Police had nothing to go on.

I had to work it all out for myself.

I'm afraid none of this means anything to me.

I kept going back to the Red Fox pub.

Took the best part of 20 years...

but if you buy the right people enough drinks

over enough length of time,

it's amazing what they tell you in the end.

Obviously I couldn't tell your three mates the real reason why I visited them.

I still had to visit you. I still had to visit the driver.

That girl...

She's what I believe in, Charlie Graham.

Do you know what a real coward is?

Someone who won't face up to what they've done.

He's not coming back.

You seem very sure about that.

Something's happened to him, or he's done a runner.

So, what do you propose?

Search the vehicle?

Nah.

Door to door enquiries?

That's a better idea.

Whoa, no, you stay here.

-On the very slight chance that he does come back.

-Sure.

I take it you have been left on your own before?

Got to be a first time, hasn't there?

The job is not rocket science,

but you didn't need me to tell you that, did you?

You were right about the law.

I'd never get a conviction now.

All I could do was destroy something inside you.

Make you scared to be in your own homes.

Put you in a different kind of prison.

Oh, now you're going to tell me how sorry you are.

How what you've done is eating away in you like a worm

and soured your very existence for the past 20 years.

No!!!!

-Police! Open up.

-BANGING ON DOOR

(Be quiet!)

DOORBELL RINGS

Police! Open up.

-You killed her!

-Shut it!

-SHOUTS:

-You killed my angel!

-You killed her.

-Shut it! Shut it! BANGING ON DOOR

It's the police, open the door!

Mr Graham!

-What is it?

-I'm sorry to disturb you again, but we think we might have

-a distraction burglar working in the area today.

-I see.

-Man in his mid-30s.

Probably claiming to be from the electricity board or the council.

-He'll have a clipboard.

-I haven't seen anyone.

You know, I couldn't help noticing

that it looks like you might have had an accident in the kitchen.

I dropped something earlier because of the fireworks. It was the shock.

I...I haven't got round to clearing it up yet. I will do.

-Are you alone, Mr Graham?

-Yes.

You don't mind if I have a quick look around, do you?

Thank you, that won't be necessary.

I was cleaning and just putting that, er, plant back in its place

when that bang went off.

Slipped through my fingers.

Stupid really.

-You were in Northern Ireland then?

-Eh?

-The photos and the medals.

Oh, yes.

So far this conman seems to be targeting older men

-living on their own.

-I'll be careful.

-Yeah.

I'll have quick look round the rest of the house, if that's OK?

BREATHING DEEPLY

KNOCK ON DOOR

What? Do you mind?

-I just want to tell you something.

-Yes?

-You really don't look very well.

-What was it you wanted to say?

You should go home, put your feet up.

Look, just tell me what it is you wanted to say.

-Jimmi told me his little secret about losing our buyers.

-And?

And he also told me something about Daniel.

Don't tell me you've come here looking for sympathy.

-Sorry?

-I mean, if you're going to get soppy about a stupid little house.

-It's not...

-I mean, Jimmi didn't even have his heart in it anyway.

-He wants it as much as I do.

-He doesn't have any choice now you're getting married,

that train has left the station. Oh, and much as it is LOVELY that you're getting married

on Valentines' Day, it's come to my attention that it is a Tuesday, so Daniel and I

and everyone else will be forced to take the day off work.

So have you ever considered whether that is, a - fair or, b - selfish?

I mean can't you just get married on a Saturday like normal people?

Finally.

SHE RETCHES

It's a swift hilt rapier.

I thought so.

I don't need a licence for it.

I know that, Mr Graham.

-Light, isn't it?

-Very.

You, erm, you hold it...

..like this.

THUDDING

ENGINE STARTING

MR GRAHAM PANTS

Anything there?

No.

Nothing.

What was that noise just now?

Er, I don't know.

The neighbour's cat sometimes comes round uninvited.

I'm pretty sure I heard voices earlier on.

Officer.

There's something I have to tell you.

Something that happened a long time ago.

Yeah, go on.

-Well...

-'Code ten, Sarge.'

Excuse me, sir, I've got to take this. Sgt Hollins, go ahead.

-'I've got a 148, IC1, ARV on their way.'

-What's your ten-ten?

-'Junction of Clarendon and Ash View.'

-I'll be there in one minute.

-I'm sorry, sir, I've got to go.

-But I...

This is a priority call, I have to take it.

If you've got anything to say to us, come down the station.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

SIRENS WAILING

-What happened?

-He comes back, gets in and drives right past me.

So I overtake him and cut him off. I open his door and he waves this gun at me.

I can see in his eyes that he's lost it. He's going to shoot, so I go for the gun.

It goes off, misses me, I roll away and then I call for ARU.

-So, he hadn't abandoned the van then?

-No.

-Well done.

You've got balls, Mackie. I'll give you that.

Point to the red van!

Armed police, put your hands where I can see them!

-Step out of the van!

-POLICE SHOUTING

# Angie

# Angie... #

You are surrounded, put the gun down.

Put the gun...

GUN SHOT

I'm sorry, I rather messed that up.

Don't be daft.

I tried a bit too hard.

No, Ian didn't try at all, that was the problem.

Well, he's certainly...

What?

Different from me?

Not quite as much fun.

Takes after his dad.

Oh, I love Ian to bits, but...

sometimes I don't like him very much.

He's even worse since the divorce.

Oh, that's not his fault.

Ken, my ex, said some very hurtful things to me and...

well, Ian heard most of them.

It wasn't very pretty.

There are times when I've thought I'll never ever be happy again.

And then I met you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

-I've had the estate agents on the phone.

The, er, the vendors have had another offer.

They said they'd prefer to sell to us if we can prove that we're serious.

-They need to know by the end of today.

-Why am I worried about her?

You won't regret this.

How's your brother?

Still no job.

Still living at the flat.

Still broke.

Fingers crossed she might be lucky. He may be the man of her dreams.

Or have two brain cells and look like Herman Munster.

-At least one of us is having a good time.

-Ah-ha!

At last! now this is shaping up

to be more like a proper blind date, wouldn't you say?

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