To Have and to Hold Doctors

MUSIC: "Je t'aime... Moi Non Plus"

Aah, what are you doing?! Aaah!

I have been on hold, for the last ten minutes!

No don't you dare... I don't believe this!

They just cut me off! I've been on the phone for an hour.

There's no wedding venues in the whole country because

everyone else wants to get married on the same day as us.

-Some people.

-It's not funny, Jimmi. What we going to do?

-We can't postpone twice.

-Well...

-Don't say it. Don't even think it.

We're getting married next month even if I have to build the venue myself.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

No, you cut me off and I want to speak to your manager...

Oh, erm Mr Honeychurch I thought that it was someone else.

I left you a message this morning.

I know that it's short notice.

Mr Honeychurch, you have no idea how happy you've just made me.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely, we'll be over today. OK, look forward to it. Bye.

Last minute cancellation. I can't believe this.

Chateau Chaumont!

Chateau. Why does that sound familiar?

Because...

we thought that it was too pricey last time we looked at it.

How pricey?

Sort of, double.

Oh, Cherry.

Jimmi, please. Come on it's gorgeous, it's available,

and it's not a smoking pile of rubble.

Oh, we can go and have a look I suppose.

Yes!

ENGINE FAILS TO START

Please, not today.

Just give it a sec.

You're... Careful you're going to flood it.

I know, all right? But now is not the time to splash out on a new car.

No, of course not.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

ENGINE STARTS

I'm looking forward to this. Honest.

-Something fizzy. Ooh and salt and vinegar.

-OK.

And get some sweets.

What? It's a road trip, snacks are obligatory.

A road trip?

And nothing chewy, I hate chewy.

And get us one of those sherbet dipper things, too.

What are you, eight years old?

# Well, I don't know why I came here tonight

# I got a feeling that something ain't right

# I'm scared in case I fall off my chair

# And I'm wondering how to get down the stairs

# Clowns to the left of me

# Jokers to the right

# Here I am Stuck in the middle with you

# Yes, I am stuck in the middle with you. #

Oh, sorry.

-Boys.

-Yeah tell me about it.

-Husbands to be by the looks of it.

-Yeah, congratulations.

-Yeah you too. How's it all going?

-Oh, there's still so much to do.

-And if we don't do it, who will.

-I swear, if it were up to the guys

we'd be getting married in a bowling alley.

# Pleeeeease

# Pleeeeease. #

Never going to happen.

Here, you have it.

Oh, I think you were there first.

-I insist.

-Thanks.

-And good luck with the big day.

-Yeah, you too. Bye.

That's right, back to where it was. To you a bit.

That's it.

And find somewhere to put these, will you? Preferably in the nearest skip.

Charles, what do you think you're doing? Put those back, please.

He'll do no such thing. Honestly, Beth, you always did have the most appalling taste.

Indeed, I did marry you, after all. Put those cushions back.

Put everything back the way it was.

My instructions entirely. The old decor is back.

Fine, if you throw them away I'll just buy new ones.

And I'll just remove them.

I have all the time in the world.

So do I.

A clear winner, wouldn't you say? Thank you.

TRUMPET FANFARE

I met her on the way here.

Joel, you should let them park. She did me a favour earlier.

Small world!

-Thanks.

-No problem.

-Great minds think alike.

Yeah, I know! It's a perfect venue for a wedding!

Beats a bowling alley.

See you later!

-They seem nice.

-Yeah. Oh, there's a free parking space over there.

Oh, what?! Come on!

It's, er, it's big, isn't it?

Yeah. See I knew you'd love it.

RINGS BELL

-Good morning.

-Hi.

-And what can I do for such a charming young couple?

I think we spoke on the phone earlier, you've got a cancellation.

Of course. And you are...

Cherry Malone, and my fiance, Jimmi Clay.

Charles Honeychurch. Delighted. Now...

Just dot all the "I's" cross all the "T's"...

Yep, everything seems to be in order.

I've put you down for a preliminary booking. If you decide to get married here,

you'll need to leave a deposit, 10%.

That's fine.

Well, I imagine you'd like to take a tour of the place.

-Yes, please.

-After you.

So you're saying it's my fault?

-No, I'm just saying I wouldn't have bought it in the first place.

-Oh, right. So it is my fault.

-No.

Well, look there's a bell there.

You haven't even said if you like the place.

Of course I like it. It's...

It's great.

-Hello!

-Elizabeth Honeychurch?

Call me Beth, dear. Elizabeth sounds so stuffy. Now let me guess.

-Marissa and?

-Joel.

Joel!

You make a delightful couple, I can tell just by looking at you.

Now, let me just double check the venue's free on the day we discussed. No, no other bookings.

-So if it's the place for you we'll just need a 10% deposit.

-Of course. Card or cheque?

Oh, we can settle that after the tour.

-You don't know if you want it yet!

-Oh, I think we will, won't we honey?

Follow me!

And we usually have, er, the row of chairs down there and there,

of course, leaving the central aisle for the bride to walk down.

So that means that...

We'd be saying our vows here.

Well, don't you think that our guests might be swamped by this...

size of room?

Well, we'll just have to invite more people then, won't we?

How many were you thinking?

-A hundred?!

-At least.

-That's not a problem.

-Um.

We usually place the long banquet table for the bride, groom

and immediate family at the head of the room.

-If you like we can position the smaller tables.

-Could you excuse us for just a second please?

-What?

-Maybe we can invite that many to the ceremony,

but definitely not the reception, OK.

Joel, we're having the ceremony and the reception here.

I'm not sending half the guests home just so we don't have to feed them.

Well. Do we have to invite everyone?

-Of course we do!

-But just cos there's a lot of room in here,

-it doesn't mean we have to fill it.

-We should get our money's worth.

Cos on my side there's only my sister and her husband and my nephew.

And aside from that a handful of mates, How will we make the numbers up?

-Once we've gone through my address book we'll be turning people away.

-Erm, the room fits 120 at a push.

See? Looks like there's enough room after all!

We can bring in an excellent caterer,

offering a sliding scale of prices per head.

The minimum is £40 per guest, going all the way up...

-We'll take that one, thanks.

-Of course.

It includes three courses which you can discuss with the caterer directly.

And I assume you'll be wanting several cases of champagne?

Absolutely.

Some brides have arranged to have little heart shaped charms

attached to the stems of all the champagne flutes.

It's a little extra of course, but it adds a certain je ne sais quoi.

Mmm! Fantastique!

We'll continue on, shall we?

So? What do you think?

It's, er it's perfect.

It's perfect.

I don't care what else happens, I'm going to make a big

Gone With The Wind entrance as I descend the grand stairs in my wedding dress.

Oh, I like that. Can I steal that?

Oh, be my guest. Although not literally, the list's rather full.

Can you believe this place?

Nope.

I can't believe this is happening. It's like a dream come true.

Literally. My fantasy wedding as a kid? You're looking at it.

Same here. It was a real stroke of luck getting it.

The day we wanted it for? Last minute cancellation.

Yeah, same as us. When exactly are you guys getting married?

Only the most romantic day of the year.

Yeah, us too.

Don't say it.

BOTH: Valentines day.

Is this your idea of perfect?

Another double booking in as many weeks!

-So that was my fault too, was it?

-You know perfectly well it was.

Now go and tell that poor young couple you've wasted their time.

-Hah! Tell your couple they've lost the venue. Mine were here first.

-Mine were booked first!

Yes, a preliminary booking as well you know.

-You won't win this one, Charles.

-Well, we'll see about that.

I'm sorry, but me and Jimmi were here first.

Maybe if you hadn't stolen our parking space.

-Excuse me?

-You heard me.

Girls, why don't we just flip a coin?

-I let you have that magazine.

-Oh, a magazine, well that changes everything.

-Er, there's no need to take that tone.

-Hey, don't speak to my girlfriend.

Hey don't speak to her?

You know what I mean.

We'll see who's right about this. Er, excuse me, there seems to be a bit of a problem here.

I expect you'd like to leave that deposit?

-Yes, that'd be great. Thank you.

-Wait a minute.

Aah, Miss Green. That deposit.

How would you like to pay?

Er, hang on a minute, there's, there's been a bit of a mix up.

My husband is aware of his error but don't worry, your booking is safe.

-That'll be £400.

-Ignore my wife.

As far as I'm concerned the venue is yours for February the 14th.

Er, sorry excuse me we, we both can't take it? So which one of us is it?

We'll pay more.

If you let us take the venue we'll go up by five hundred.

-Marissa.

-Six hundred.

-Seven.

-Marissa!

I'll keep going.

Well, it looks like we have a clear winner.

Er no, we don't. I can't pay that. I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

Joel.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

-Another couple at each others' throats because of you.

-I don't have to listen to this.

Who'd want to get married here?

This is where relationships come to die!

Maybe she's right.

-What do you mean?

-Maybe this isn't where we should be starting our future together.

They're the problem, Jimmi, not the place. I love this place.

Yeah, I know.

I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

Just couldn't stand there and watch you throw our money away.

I was trying to get the venue of our dreams.

Your dreams, Marissa. Apparently I'm just here to agree with you.

And what's that supposed to mean?

You're trying to make us pay thousands of pounds

for a single day. that's money we just don't have.

I'm sorry, but I thought we had over ten grand in the bank.

Or did you blow it all at the dog track?

Oh, yeah, because that would be irresponsible, wouldn't it?

You want to blow 500 quid on a cake!

A wedding is the most important day of a woman's life.

You know, it never ceases to depress me when people say that.

-Fine, make fun of me.

-I'm not. I just want you to think, all right.

Think how long it took us to save that money.

We can always earn more money.

Yeah and meanwhile we're living in a broom cupboard, our car's fit for the scrap heap.

Will you stop going on about that stupid car?

-Is that all you care about?

-And what do you care about, eh, Marissa?

Apart from showing off to your stupid family.

I just want them to be proud of me, is that so bad?

Yeah, it is when you're a glutton for punishment.

Marissa, if we got married sky-diving with fireworks

blasting out of every orifice,

your family wouldn't even strain their necks to look up.

You're a funny guy, Joel.

Since you like jokes so much, have you heard the one about the girl

who called off the wedding because her fiance was such a cheapskate?

You're right actually, that is funny!

I'm not coming after you!

You OK?

Do I look OK?

-Ow!

-Beth, Beth!

You're a boor! And a brute!

For goodness sake woman, control yourself!

SMASHING AND SHOUTING

Aghh. You're poisonous!

Stop! Stop it! Stop that!

-Aagh!

-Hey, hey. Come on!

-See? This is what he's like.

-She started it.

BOTH SPEAK AT ONCE: Pompous, arrogant, irrational, mean spirited...

Don't you think you should try listening instead of just trading insults?

I've been listening to him for over 40 years. His grumbling. His snoring.

His interminable anecdotes!

Yes, yes. Blah, blah, blah. See that's all I hear. A high pitched blah, blah, blah!

You won't have to put up with it for much longer. I'm leaving.

Hah! If I had a penny for every time you said that.

-This time I mean it.

-I'd be able to retire to the Maldives!

I want a divorce.

You wouldn't know it to look at her but she's really insecure.

Why?

It's her parents. They've never shown the slightest bit of interest in her.

Marissa's a fashion designer.

You know, she's just starting out but you should see her stuff. She's so talented.

Whenever she has a show she invites her parents along and they never turn up.

As far as they're concerned anything "arty" is a complete waste of time.

Oh, and they just love me. Yeah, the lowly graphic designer.

Her ex had money. She split up with him ages ago because he was cheating on her,

-but they still pester Marissa to call him.

-They sound delightful.

Don't they?

That's why I don't get all this.

Her sister got married last year and she had this big overblown wedding.

Marissa thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

Yet now all of a sudden she's trying to compete. It's madness.

Why can't she see she's wasting her time trying to impress her family?

It's sad. Maybe she just wants them to love her.

Yeah but I love her. Is that not enough?

If you let her know that you're on her side, hopefully it will be.

I know we quarrel sometimes. What couple doesn't?

Quarrel? Have you any idea how it hurts? The daily put downs.

Being undermined at every turn.

You're just as bad as I am!

Yes. And I hate myself for it.

We used to love each other, Charles.

Now we don't even seem to like each other any more.

It's just the stress of running a business.

Well, it's brought out the worst in us. I can't do it any more.

-Um, if I could...

-If you think I'm leaving you've got another thing coming!

Somebody has to leave. We can't both live here!

Fine, well off you go then. Bye-bye.

I've worked my fingers to the bone to make this place what it is.

Yes, and I've worked for 35 years earning the money to pay for it.

I've raised two children! Cooked. Cleaned. Washed your underpants.

If you don't think that's work you're an even bigger pig than

I thought.

If you could just make a decision on the venue then we could be on our way.

I'm going to enjoy having the house to myself.

A bit of peace and quiet for, for once.

That won't happen. You better get a good lawyer, because I'm going to take you to the cleaners.

I can't wait to be free of you!

Agh!

Mr Honeychurch.

I'm a doctor. Take a seat.

I Can't...

STRUGGLES FOR BREATH

Can't breathe.

Don't indulge him. He's just putting it on.

I don't think he is.

Charles?

I suppose they got their deposit in while we were outside.

No, they wouldn't do that.

Sorry.

Look, there's something I need to say.

Me too.

I just called Mum. Told her about our fight.

You know what she said?

I can have a good guess.

She said you're a loser and I should get out while I still can.

So I told her to get stuffed.

Really?

And then I hung up on her.

Wow! I'm sorry I missed that.

Marissa, if you want a big wedding then I'm going to do everything

I can to try and make that happen, because I love you.

I just need to know that you're doing it for the right reasons.

I don't know what I want any more.

Except to be with you.

Does it hurt in your chest?

Or, or is the pain up and down your left arm?

Get...

Get...

Get... an ambulance?

-No. Get her out of here.

-What?! I'm not going anywhere!

-Get...

-I told you I'm staying right here!

Get... My spray.

-Spray? What's he talking about.

-Spray? Angina spray? Do you have angina?

Where is it?

Digging into my backside. I can't...

In your pocket? OK. Ah.

Got it. There you go.

Better?

Why didn't you tell me you had angina?

Really, Charles, of all the stupid things you've done.

Mrs Honeychurch.

Is he going to be all right?

-Yeah, he's going to be fine.

-You should've told me.

-Why?

So you could boss me about? Take over this place?

So I could look after you, you silly old fool!

-I'm sorry.

-You scared the life out of me.

You scared the life out of me too.

Stick to the diet. Gentle exercise. And try and keep stress to a minimum.

We'll certainly try our best.

-Thank you, doctor.

-Don't mention it.

-What have I missed?

-I'll tell you later. Can we go now, please?

Is there anything we can do to return the favour?

Er well, there is one thing.

Of course. Consider the venue yours.

With our blessing.

Thank you!

Aah, Miss Green, Mr Morrisey.

I'm afraid we have some rather disappointing news.

Er... Er I've, I've changed my mind.

I want, I want them to have it.

Look Cherry, I know you want to do the nice thing but it's a bit crazy.

It's OK. Some things are more important. I want you guys to have it.

That's so kind of you. We know how much it means to you to get married here.

Which is why we came in to say, you should have it.

Yeah we've, er, decided to elope.

No more ungrateful relatives.

No more panicking about money.

Just the two of us.

Somewhere quiet and romantic.

Sounds... Perfect.

Ready? Push!

-Have a lovely wedding.

-You too. Bye!

Whoo-hoo!

Ah. So....

This is all ours?

Yeah.

Are you OK?

This is what you want, isn't it?

Yeah, of course.

Maybe Marissa and Joel and have got the right idea.

Yeah, they do. For them.

I knew I was marrying you for a reason.

That was us once upon a time.

It could be again.

No. Too much has come between us.

This place, you mean?

Children and work. Responsibility. It never ends.

Not much of a retirement.

This is the house we always dreamed of.

Dreams change. We could take a leaf out of the youngsters' book.

Elope somewhere.

We've worked too hard to throw all this away.

Who says we have to? We can simply stand down.

Pass the mantle to the children.

It would do you good to rest more.

But what if it's too late to go back to that?

Love is in the little things.

MUSIC: "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen.

# This thing called love

# I just can't handle it

# This thing called love

# I must get round to it

# I ain't ready

# Crazy little thing called love

# This (This Thing) called love (Called Love)

# It cries (Like a baby) In a cradle all night

# It swings (Woo Woo) It jives (Woo Woo)

# It shakes all over like a jelly fish

# I kinda like it

# Crazy little thing called love

# There goes my baby

# She knows how to rock n' roll

# She drives me crazy

# She gives me hot and cold fever

# Then she leaves me in A cool cool sweat

# I gotta be cool relax

# Get hip Get on my tracks

# Take a back seat, hitch-hike

# And take a long ride on my motor bike

# Until I'm ready

# Crazy little thing called love. #

SHE GIGGLES

Oh, that is lovely.

-£1,000 on the wedding cake?

-Yes.

Don't you dare follow me.

No one even eats wedding cake.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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