Where the Heart Is Doctors

# Fly me to the moon

# Let me play among the stars

# Let me see what spring is like

# On Jupiter and Mars

# In other words

# Hold my hand... #

Ooh, morning! You're up early.

Like we had a choice.

Well, if you will come in at... What time did you come in?

-Exactly.

-Exactly what?

You don't know because we were careful not to wake you up.

Oh, Mr Grumpy Grump!

Oh, get off!

Bit early for internet shopping, isn't it, Mum?

Samson Swinging Seater?

-Are you trying to tell us something?

-Very funny.

Er... Well, yes, actually.

We're moving to Kingsvale.

Kingsvale? Right.

No, really. My great-aunt, Violet, has left me a house.

Ooh, Great-Aunt Violet!

No! Well, she's my mum's aunt, my godmother.

Nobody talked about her cos she's the black sheep of the family.

-You've been watching too much Who Do You Think You Are?

-No, it's true!

Look! A pig.

No, I've got the keys ...in a safe place.

Yeah, yeah. Good one, Mum.

No, erm... Keys.

Mr Grimsdale's details. Where have I put them?

Which pink icing? Baby or cerise?

Oh!

I thought you was at work.

No, no... I took the day off

to finalise the design for Nurse Malone's cake.

I wanted it to be perfect.

Oh, she's very lucky to have a friend like you.

So talented and caring.

I do not know about...about that.

Oh, of course you are.

Th... Thank you.

I think I'll go and shower.

Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Everything all right, Cherry?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Right, who's my first victim?

Ah, just cancelled. Actually, do me a favour.

Hold the fort while I go and get some files from my office?

Sure.

Do your parents like the house?

They're coming at lunchtime. I've got a meeting

-so Jimmi's showing them around.

-That's nice. A chance to bond.

Yeah, I suppose.

That was subtle.

Well, she can't avoid you indefinitely.

You know Cherry.

Why don't you talk to her? Tackle it head-on.

Yeah, that's a really good idea.

Er, "Hi, Cherry, I'm your bezzy mate turned stalker

"but don't worry cos I'm not going to jump you."

Oh, dear.

She's making me feel really bad, like I'm dirty,

and I'm not, I'm just...

Maybe you just need to normalise the situation.

Find an excuse to talk to her about

something completely matter-of-fact, something she has to engage with.

Such as?

A patient. Then you can be totally business-like. In, out, job done.

I don't know.

You'll have to speak to each other at some point,

and the longer you leave it...

Yeah. Thank you.

Er, Mr Reid?

So what lectures do you have today?

None. Today I must write my first sample sermon.

Oh, your first sermon! How wonderful.

Not exactly.

You may need to help me.

What do I know about writing sermons?

Everything. You have heard hundreds in your time!

I am not quite that old.

Of, of, of course not.

No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying you are fresh and insightful.

In fact, you are just the editor I need.

Right, well, we will see.

I will show you when I finish.

I know you're there.

What?

Have you seen the keys?

What keys?

To the new house.

How would I know?

Well, haven't you put them somewhere?

Karen, it's your house.

You probably put them in one of your safe places.

And if the wind changes...

Honestly, you'd think I'd inherited some disused urinal,

not a spacious villa in one of the more desirable areas of Letherbridge.

It's OK, don't worry about it. It's fine. See you soon.

Take care. Bye.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Wait a sec!

Susan... Susan Turner's coming to see you later for some bloods

and she's pretty worried about her condition

so I just thought I should alert you to that.

I think I could've figured that out for myself.

No, course, I know you know how to handle it.

As long as you're on top...

on top of the situation.

Thanks.

Blimey. It's quite big, isn't it?

Wait till you see the conservatory. It's gorgeous!

They won't get to see the conservatory, will they?

Since you've lost the keys.

Well, we can look through the windows.

Aren't you coming?

Got a phone call to make.

That was a nightmare morning. Does Karen save all the psychos for me?

Have you managed to talk to Cherry yet?

Oh, yeah. Brilliant idea.

Ooh! Really?

Yeah, it went really well.

I'm going to go home for my lunch.

What about your meeting with Julia?

Can you tell her that I'm not feeling very well?

Ah. It didn't go well, then?

No. It turns out that cornering Cherry in her room,

that wasn't such a good idea.

I should have gone with my instincts and left well alone.

I'm sure in the fullness of time...

Would you stop being so holistic and reasonable?

If you hadn't stuck your nose in with me and Kevin,

all of this stuff, it would've never come out.

You can't see anything cos of the reflections. It's so frustrating!

Hang on a minute, I don't think this window catch is on properly.

If I just wiggle it...

-Aha!

-What are you doing?

See!

-That's called breaking and entering.

-Not when it's your own house!

-Hmmm.

-You don't like it?

No, it is fine.

-Fine?!

-It is good. Well structured, well argued.

But?

But there is something missing. I cannot quite put my finger on it.

Oh, goodness. Now I will have to start all over again!

Sorry, I was not thinking.

Actually, it was not quite right.

Perhaps it is good that I too have to start over again.

Let me help you.

Oh no, no, no. You have your sermon to write.

What do I know about being true to yourself in God?

Everything.

Just be patient. It will come.

OK, then.

You can be my muse.

Oh, don't be silly!

Even the hallway's spacious.

This excessive property boasts a positive embarrassment

of living space, equipped with execrable fittings

and fixtures, including walk-in wardrobe-cum-patio-toilet.

That's nice! And, Rob, look at the Aga!

Look, it's got two ovens!

And these, I mean, I could've chosen them myself

and they're like brand new.

-Rob?

-What?

I'm trying to have a conversation with you about the house

and you're blanking me.

No, I'm not.

You haven't said a word since we got here.

I saw it all yesterday.

Yeah, so you would think you would have an opinion about it by now.

I have.

It's no better than what we've got.

No, of course!

Four beds, conservatory, massive garden,

utility room.

Fine, that's brilliant. But do we really need it?

-You're just falling into the consumptionist...

-Consumerist.

Consumerist trap.

We've always been content with what we've got.

Then suddenly, this is put under your nose and you think you can't live without it.

No, I don't!

Oh, come on. You're in a total lifestyle frenzy.

Completely ignoring the fact that the kids obviously don't want to move in and neither do I.

We could live here and have the big garden and the fancy conservatory,

but doesn't it make more sense long-term to sell it and have a big lump sum?

So that's it? We're not moving?

You won't even think it through properly?

That's exactly what I'm doing!

No, you're not! You're knee-jerking, as usual.

I am not! I'm trying to have a sensible conversation

about a decision that will affect the rest of our lives!

There's a patrol car just pulled up in the street.

Oh, is there? Better see if they need a hand.

Officer Dibble to the rescue.

This is the kitchen.

Lovely.

Very...clinical.

And you can always get a new hob.

Well, we're always too tired to cook anything elaborate.

Enough space if you're planning a big family.

We haven't exactly decided how many yet.

Hello, love! I thought you had a lunchtime meeting?

Yeah, it was cancelled.

-Everything OK?

-Yeah, fine. So, what do you think?

Yes. Lots of...erm...potential.

Presumably you'll be changing the colour scheme?

Why? What's wrong with it?

Well, it's fine. Just very...white.

Bit unadventurous.

What's wrong with being unadventurous?

Funny though, eh!

Brilliant. I'm going to look a right prannock down the station.

Stop fussing! They loved it. Gives them something to talk about.

Exactly!

I could do without that at the moment after the shenanigans

at The Mill and Imogen's little experiment with criminality.

Don't start picking on Immie.

It's not like we called them out.

No, but somebody did.

Look what you've done now!

I can't understand why you're so desperate

to live in a place that's full of curtain twitchers

with nothing better to do than snitch on their neighbours.

I thought you approved of Neighbourhood Watch?

-Stop avoiding the issue.

-Who's avoiding the issue?!

I can't see what your problem is!

My problem is you steaming in,

making decisions without asking people what they really want!

This is what they want. They've just got to get used to the idea!

Oh, really? Well, I'm not moving to Kingsvale.

It's full of pretentious wannabes, ex-footballers and dodgy business

types with that much money that they think they own the bloomin'...

Oh, hello.

I saw the police driving off and I wondered if everything was all right?

Yes, we were just looking...

Around the area, generally.

So what do you think?

Perfect.

I'm going to show her tomorrow. Now, what about your sermon?

Not so perfect. In fact, it is terrible.

It has no spark, no fire.

It is not bonfire night.

That is it! That is what it needs - jokes.

What? No.

Yes!

I remember when a minister came from Port Harcourt when I was smaller.

He was amazing!

Compassionate, insightful and funny. I will always remember him.

Mine needs to be just like that.

Well, if you are sure.

Yes, come on. Tell me some jokes about God.

No, no, that would not be appropriate at all.

You don't think God has a sense of humour?

Look at the British summer.

I occasionally look over the place and pick up the mail.

Oh, how kind.

So, you're considering renting?

-No.

-Maybe.

Cleaners?

Oh, actually, we're thinking of moving here.

It's on the market? But Violet only died a few weeks ago.

It has been somewhat quick.

How much have you offered?

Actually, we've inherited.

There must be some mistake. Violet had no living relatives.

I promise you, I'd have known.

She was my grandfather's sister and because they hadn't spoken,

I suppose, because I was her goddaughter...

Oh. Well. Fabulous...

Well, what are you thinking of doing with it?

It's a very quirky property. Perhaps I could show you round?

What you talking like that for?

Like what?

Like Camilla Parker-Bowles. And get rid of Cruella.

Oh, behave. We're going to be neighbours.

It's quite well stocked, though the lawn could do with a feed

and a bit of scarifying.

Right, great.

Good morning at work?

Er, STI, pyelonephritis, possible peritonitis, tennis elbow.

It's all pretty average stuff, really.

Right.

You're keeping the decking, presumably.

Yes. Yes, we love it.

Very easy to expand.

Just get a lattice of six-by-two as a base and get cracking.

Easier if you pre-drill the holes, mind.

I'm not really handy in that sort of way.

Oh. Right.

Don't worry.

Anything technical you want doing, Paula and I can come over

for the weekend and help you get stuck in.

She was such a dear little old lady, very gentle.

We missed her so much when she went into the nursing home.

We were very close.

I'll bet you were.

So. La cuisine!

Of course, it all needs gutting.

Knock out the chimney breast, fit bespoke units.

Absolutely, yes.

Obviously the conservatory has to go.

Never had planning permission in the first place.

Oh, really?

Though we let it slide, for Violet.

Well, er, thank you ever so much for the tour, but...

We're not selling.

-You're not?

-No. We're moving in.

It's a lot of upkeep if you're not used to it.

Well, in the meantime, er...

And the running costs are astronomical.

I really think we could do with a bit of time.

Grieving relatives and all that.

Oh.

Son, would you show the lady out?

Well, of course.

Though you want to be sure

you're in the right frame of mind to make a decision.

She seems quite nice, doesn't she?

Oh, yeah, if you count grooming old ladies to inherit a virtue.

D'you think?

Duh, Mum!

This is what I was worried about. I mean, look at you.

You're bowing and scraping to Mrs Snobby-Chops already.

I was just being polite. She had some interesting things to say about the kitchen.

There was nothing wrong with it five minutes ago!

You cannot stand it, can you?

You can't stand that this has come from my side of the family.

It offends your macho pride.

It's got nothing to do with pride. It's all to do with values.

I have worked for everything I've got

and we've always been happy with our lot, haven't we?

We'd just become as crass and stupid as the neighbours if we lived here.

Wouldn't be long before you were twitching the curtains.

Look at you - you're in an Ideal Home feeding frenzy,

with your middle-class pretensions going in over-drive.

At least I've got pretensions!

Look, guys, it's only a house!

We don't have to make any decisions yet!

Exactly. Chill.

Isn't chilling a bit middle class for the likes of me?

THEY LAUGH

In fact, Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

Contraption!

Then she said that Jesus' main teachings were

"Do one to others before they do one to you."

THEY LAUGH

One of the sisters told me that!

What do you think you are doing?!

You have ruined the cake!

This one's nice. Maybe for the bedroom?

Mmm.

Are you all right, love? You seem a bit distracted.

I'm fine. I'm just stressed about the wedding.

Nothing to do with what happened at work yesterday?

What do you think about the fabrics?

Lovely.

Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?

Like what?

Well...say, if you're having second thoughts about Jimmi

and if you think you might be...

-er...

-Mum....

-We would support you.

-It's just silly playground stuff at work, OK?

Nothing worth bothering about.

What's up?

Nothing.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Go away. I told you, I have nothing more to say.

Please.

I know I have upset you and I am sorry.

I am just as surprised as you.

But I want you to know it came from the bottom of my heart.

But that can't be wrong, can it?

This is not what you think.

You are lonely and far away from home

and because I was being kind, you became confused.

Yes, I am far away from home, but I am not confused.

I have never been clearer.

It was my soul reaching out to you.

You are just a boy.

None of what you are feeling is real.

Yes, maybe you are right.

Maybe it was not such a great idea.

But it was real and spontaneous and wonderful

and I know you felt it too.

We wouldn't be hurting anybody. Why would God mind?

You are a wonderful, caring woman with so much inside of you.

Why do you hide yourself away from life? Why do you suppress your feelings?

-I do not!

-You do!

And I see it in you, always holding yourself down,

like you are afraid to let yourself go,

to see the joy at your fingertips,

to experience the pleasures you deserve.

Yes, you are a little older... but you are a woman.

And your heart knows this even if your head does not.

Well, I suppose it does need a lot of work once you start looking.

Yeah, and some.

Oh! My mum used to have the sugar bowl

and the milk jug that matched that.

She always wanted the set. Must've been here all the time.

In fact, the way that she's done her sitting room, it...

it just reminds me of my mum.

And the lay-out of the house, it just feels right.

Anyway, won't live in the past.

-Thanks for coming.

-Not at all.

It's nice to finally see the place, get an idea of what you're going to do with it...

eventually.

If you want.

Bye, love.

-Bye, Dad.

-Bye.

Any time you need a hand.

Thanks.

-See ya.

-Bye!

OK? What happened in there with your mum?

-We've got to get back to work.

-No, I can see you're upset.

OK, it's Freya. She's acting all weird with me,

stalking me in my room, acting like nothing's happened.

Now Mum's freaking out cos she wants to know what's going on.

She's trying to help. Freya's trying to smooth things over.

It can't be easy for her, it all spilling out like that.

It's not my problem.

You're over-reacting cos you're stressed about the wedding.

No, I'm not. I just wanted a nice quiet reception,

and now everyone's getting involved and it's exploded.

-All right. It'll be fine.

-No, Jimmi, you don't understand.

I thought Freya was my friend.

Helping me with flowers, menus, being supportive.

Look, I know this seems a bit overwhelming,

but just think about what Freya's going through.

I don't care.

Oh, I don't know, it's a lot of bother.

Maybe your dad's right. It's not for us.

Oh, hello!

I was just pruning the azaleas and I couldn't help thinking,

if you were to consider selling, you might opt for a private sale.

Get it off your hands quickly without paying all that commission.

Oh. Right.

In fact, my husband and I have been looking for an investment property

and it just occurred to me that this might be the right house.

Obviously, you wouldn't get much for it in its present state.

Really?!

But fortunately I can see past all that sort of thing.

In a sense, it would be staying in the family.

We were so fond of Violet.

Actually, we're not sure we're selling.

No, no, no, that's really interesting.

I'll have a word with my husband.

Excellent. Sorry about the misunderstanding earlier.

Misunderstanding?

Well, yes, the erm...calling the boys in blue thing.

Oh! Don't worry about it.

How dare you accuse me of letting my life slip away!

I have known joy and pleasure, of course I have.

Every day is a blessing.

Really? In what way?

Well, dealing with the patients at the surgery,

knowing that they are being well cared for.

That is not what you say about your job. Oh, and...?

And, and...

sometimes when I wake in the morning

and the sun streams through the garden,

and I look up at the sky,

I know that God truly loves me, and my heart overflows.

Yes, these are good things, but surely there's more to life?

Well, surely you deserve more fulfilment than chatting to

a few patients and a sunny garden?

Who are you to say this? You know nothing about me or my life here!

That's more like it.

Look at you - fired up!

I see this in you sometimes, the spark rising,

like the fire and colour of Africa.

Do you remember, eh?

I know you don't want to hear this,

but if you do not live a little now, you'll have wasted your life.

You'll have squandered the many gifts you have.

And God would not want that.

So we're going to sell it, then?

Er, yeah. If that's what you want.

Cos Mrs Bling has as good as put the money on the table.

Private sale, save a packet on estate agents.

Has she? How much did she offer?

She didn't.

Right. Well, we'd better get it valued, then.

She probably thinks we're too stupid to know what it's worth.

Absolutely.

So, we're going to sell? Definitely?

Do you really think that I'm going to let some snotty-chops neighbour

do me out of my dream home?!

And the last link with my mum?

I deserve this! We all do!

Look at you!

You working-class wimp, banging on about your roots.

You're just intimidated!

You think that rich people deserve a better life than we do!

Well, they don't.

And us Hollinses can live here and be true to ourselves

and stuff the neighbours!

Woo-hoo! Too right, Mum.

Kingsvale Commies R Us!

Watch it, you!

Well, Dad?

Oh, come on! You're not going to let your pride get in the way

of the best bit of good fortune ever to fall in our laps?!

How can he say no to that?

Cos he's Rob!

Cos he grew up in a two-up, two-down,

he's determined everyone else suffers.

-Just promise me one thing.

-What's that?

Don't let her turn into her mother.

It's your fault she died miserable!

Because she'd been dumped by an arrogant, ignorant, two-faced creep

who has the nerve to call himself a doctor!

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