The Well-Spoken Man Doctors

SMOKE ALARM BEEPS

Shut up!

I said, shut up!

There you are.

Thank you.

No, sweetie, thank you for an absolutely wonderful weekend.

Oh! And thank you very much for this beautiful picture you drew of Daddy.

Are you sure I can keep it?

Okey-dokey. Well, I will take very good care of it. I promise you.

Now, talking of promises... Uhm...

Don't tell Mummy how late I let you stay up last night.

Otherwise, I'm going to be in such BIG trouble.

So promise not to tell her, OK?

DOORBELL RINGS

Is she ready?

No, she's just finishing her breakfast. We weren't expecting you for another half an hour.

But she's nearly ready. Come in, come in.

Thank you, darling.

What was all that noise?

Slight disagreement with the old smoke alarm.

Sorry for the wait.

Still getting used to where you keep everything.

You sound as if you've just moved in.

The kitchen was always your territory. I feel like a trespasser.

You are keeping it nice and clean, I hope?

Oh, yes. Of course! It's all ship-shape and Bristol fashion.

How are you feeling today?

Fine.

Fine, really.

I'm sorry. It's not up to your standards.

But then, you were always such a marvellous cook.

I'd walk miles for a taste of your steak and kidney pudding.

I'll write down the recipe for you,

then you can make it after...

I... I, I don't think I could.

Nonsense. You'll be a master chef in no time.

That's not quite what I meant.

It'll be something to remember me by.

What have you done to your hand?

Oh, nothing.

A silly accident.

I must go and put that washing on.

Come on darling, we need to get going.

Pack everything away, like I told you.

It's been wonderful, we've had such a fantastic time.

It's been lovely having someone to spoil, actually.

Yeah, well, I suppose it doesn't hurt once in a while.

Sally, Chloe did mention...

What?

That she's missing her dad a lot.

Chloe. We're leaving.

-Come on, Sally!

-But I can't find my toys!

You've got plenty of toys at home.

Say goodbye to Nardee.

Wait, Sal...!

-Bye, Nardee.

-Sally, wait!

-Late night?

-You could say that.

# Surely, never had a male

# Under such like circumstances

# So adventurous a tale

# Which may rank with most romances! #

He kept me awake all night.

Not only does he love opera, he snores like Pavarotti as well.

Oh!

What are you two ladies whispering about?

I was telling Elaine your snoring can be heard in the next county.

She's exaggerating!

Exaggerating about what?

Apparently Heston snores like a Messerschmitt.

-I am in the room!

-Rob's like that when he's had a couple.

It drives me up the wall!

I have to go in the spare room to get a bit of peace and quiet.

A contented cat is often known to purr.

So the honeymoon is over then?

Oh, far from it.

Not going to let a bit of snoring put me off.

I just need to find a cure!

LAUGHTER IN THE BACKGROUND

Hello?

Hello?

LAUGHTER

Anybody there?

John? Is everything all right?

Yes, dear.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Busy?

-No, come in.

How did it go with Chloe?

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Yeah, we had a fantastic time.

So what's wrong?

Sally.

I just happened to mention Patrick's name

and, before you knew it, she had Chloe bundled out the house.

So now, I don't know if or when I'm going to see her again.

Oh, I'm sorry, Julia.

It's like she's pretending Patrick just doesn't exist.

She can't keep Chloe away from her father for ever. He's got rights.

Do you know she even made me promise that I would not tell Patrick

that Chloe had been staying with me.

So on top of everything else, I now have to lie to my own son.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Yes?

Actually, it's Elaine I'm after. Your 10:30 is here. Mr Bryer.

Oh, thanks, Karen.

Lunch?

I'll see you later.

I was hoping this would be quick.

As I said, I'm very sorry for keeping you waiting.

I don't understand why people can't be punctual.

I need to get back to my wife.

Yes, how is Mrs Bryer?

She's dying.

Yes. I just meant...

I know what you meant.

So how have you got on with the prescription I gave you?

Terrible.

Been giving me headaches. Can't sleep a wink.

Oh. Well, we can try you on a different medication. We've...

We've got a few options for high blood pressure.

Yes. Fine.

First, can I ask you how you are coping?

Being a full-time carer can be very stressful.

Stressful?

Young lady, I served in the Royal Army Medical Corps for most of my life.

"Stress" is something you know little about.

Yes, I'm sure you've experienced a lot in your career, but...

watching someone you love...

If you give me the prescription, I can be on my way.

It's up to you.

But if you ever feel you need help dealing with all of this...

I've dealt with far worse.

What have you done here?

I burned it on the oven.

Don't worry, I'm perfectly capable of dressing it properly. Good day.

Ta-da!

The solution.

To what?

Heston's snoring.

What? If he starts snoring, you shove it in his mouth?

No! You put it in a sock

and then you sew the sock to the back of his pyjamas.

-You what?

-Yeah. It stops him sleeping on his back.

Oh! Where did you get this from?

Lost property.

Oh, well, if it doesn't work you can always chuck it at him!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-Ah!

Ha-ha!

I thought this was a surgery,

not a recreation centre!

I'm very sorry, sir.

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

It's only me. I'll be up in minute.

Who are you?

What are you doing in my house?

Don't you recognise me, John?

No.

Are you sure?

Alan?

Don't worry, old chap. I'm not in the least bit insulted you couldn't remember who I was.

After all, we've never actually met.

But you're...

Dead? Yes, I'm afraid I am.

Got a bit careless behind the wheel of the old Jag.

Between you and me, I'd had a couple of stiff drinks earlier that day,

so perhaps I wasn't at my finest in terms of motor skill.

Motors kill. Ha-ha-ha! Get it? Ha-ha!

This is some cheap trick!

Who are you?

You know who I am. I am Rosie's husband.

-You can't be!

-Sorry, you're right to correct me.

Her first husband.

Although, as far as I am concerned, the contract was a permanent one.

What do you want?

I want Rosie.

I've come to wait for her.

She hasn't got long left now, as I'm sure you know.

And when she's dead, we can be together again.

For ever.

Lovers reunited. It's all terribly romantic.

Get out.

Oh, no, don't be like that.

Get out!

John? Is everything all right?

Don't worry. It's all right. I'll be up now.

-OK, I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

-Thank you.

-OK.

-I've got patients to see!

-I know, I know.

-But I just came to give you this.

-What is it?

Elaine gave it to me. Herbal nasal spray. It might help with your night-time problem.

Don't call it that. It sounds incredibly seedy.

Urgh! Is she trying to poison me?

She also suggested that... cutting down on the treats might help.

So I am obese, as well?

Oh, no, no, no. You are perfect. You're cuddly. But if you lost

a few pounds, it might ease the pressure on your nasal passages.

All right, just for you, I will reduce my portion sizes.

But I am not putting Goody Cassidy's magic potion up my nose.

In that case, it'll have to be this!

I told you to get out.

John, who are you talking to?

Nobody.

Just myself. You're always telling me I'm losing my marbles!

Are you all right, dear?

Absolutely.

She is still so beautiful, isn't she?

I don't want you in here!

This is my room.

Oh, I was...

It's just...

John, calm down.

What is it?

If you don't believe me,

ask her what film we watched on our first date.

Of course...

That's it! The new medication!

-What is?

-That fool of a doctor gave me a new prescription...

It was The Apartment.

She'll remember, trust me.

Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine.

Ha-ha-ha! She laughed so much her mascara ran down her cheeks.

-I need to go back to the doctor, right away.

-Ask her!

-No!

I...

I wasn't...

Sorry.

Ignore me.

How about early next week?

I want to see Dr Cassidy.

Straight away.

What about 4:30 Tuesday?

OK. Bye-bye.

She's in with another patient. And there are other people waiting, sir. If you would like to...

I said straight away! I don't know what she's given me, but she's got to sort it out!

I'm sorry, but you can't just come in here barking orders!

Excuse me, Mr...

Lieutenant Colonel Bryer.

-Right. What seems to be the problem?

-One of your colleagues has given me a dangerous drug!

He saw Elaine earlier.

Dr Cassidy will see you as soon as she's finished with her patient.

-No...

-In the meantime, will you tell Dr Cassidy that the Lieutenant Colonel is waiting?

Perhaps you'd like to have a seat and she'll see you in a moment.

It is totally irresponsible to prescribe medication

without making the patient aware of the side effects!

Side effects?

Having to see that man's face in my own house.

-What man?

-Alan.

Alan bloody Hodges!

Rosie's first husband. Nearly had me believing that. This is your fault!

I don't understand.

You said earlier you haven't been sleeping.

That's got nothing to do with it! I want to go back to my old medication.

But the medication I gave you wouldn't have had time... I'm sorry,

what has this got to do with your wife's first husband?

I know he's not real.

I'm not mad!

I never said you were.

Please, Mr Bryer, talk to me.

This has been a hard time for you.

A hard time for me?

My wife's the one that's ill.

My wife's the one that's dying!

Exactly. Your wife's dying!

I've had enough of this! Useless woman!

Mr Bryer!

Problem?

I'll tell you after lunch.

Bravo! Bravo!

Are you going to tell me off for having something disgustingly unhealthy?

Not at all.

After the day I've had, I might join you.

Come on then, I'm starving.

You know, dear boy, you really ought to try and maintain some dignity.

Pull yourself together.

You are going to be all on your own soon.

Do you really want to end up pushing a trolley around a park,

scaring children?

You are not here.

Aren't I?

You are not real.

So I shall no longer acknowledge your presence.

I took her to the Ritz once, did she tell you?

I suppose in those days she was used to higher standards.

I never understood why she settled for you.

Grief does funny things to a person, I suppose.

I don't mind, it gave her some comfort.

It's not as if she ever truly loved you.

You do realise she doesn't like mayonnaise?

Never has, dear boy.

Now look what you've made me do!

Oh, so you are talking to me!

Do you have a moment?

Oh, yes. Absolutely. What can I do for you?

I gather you saw a patient of mine earlier. Mr Bryer.

Oh, the Lieutenant Colonel.

How did he seem to you?

Uhm... Bit highly strung,

I didn't see him for long. Why?

I think he might be suffering from some sort of hallucination,

but he left before I could get to the bottom of it.

I'm worried about him, but I'm also worried about his wife.

She has end-stage adenocarcinoma and he's her sole carer,

and if he's not coping...

Well, why don't you call for a chat to see how she's doing.

And you'll soon find out if there's anything to worry about.

Yes, you're right.

Oh, and thank you for the nasal spray. It was very...

thoughtful.

TELEPHONE RINGS

'Oh, hello. This is Dr Cassidy from The Mill again.

'I was hoping to speak to Mrs Bryer.

'Could you please call me if you have a chance? Thank you.'

She'll be phoning Rosie to tell her that you've gone out of your mind.

She's getting weaker, isn't she?

Probably for the best.

She'll be with me soon.

Her first love.

Her only love.

You'll be forgotten about completely, dear boy.

We'll see about that.

What did you say?

I said, we'll see about that!

Ha-ha-ha! What are you going to do, dear boy? Shoot me?

I'm already dead!

-No.

-What, then?

I'm going to shoot her. Then I'm going to shoot myself!

Sorry, dear boy, you've lost me.

I'm not having you sneaking off with her whilst I'm still alive.

If we're all dead, she can choose between us.

You don't actually think she'll choose you, do you?

Why don't you just forget her?

That's exactly what you want, isn't it?

No, I'm not giving her up without a fight!

Oh... What have I done to deserve this? Ha-ha.

I just want to tell you that I think you are a wonderful, wonderful man.

And why don't I cook YOU supper tonight?

Well...

No, no. I promise you it won't be too boring.

Why am I suspicious? You've got that look in your eye.

Lasers?! No, no... That's going too far!

Just read it.

You are not sticking a laser up my nose!

Oh. Hi, Julia. We were just, er...

Doesn't matter.

Did you want us for something?

I've just spoken to Daniel.

He asked me to let everyone know that baby Joe is doing really well.

-Oh!

-Can they bring him home yet?

-Maybe tomorrow.

Poor things. They must be exhausted by it all.

Well, if that's all. Maybe we should continue this meeting in my office.

Yes. Excuse me.

Ah, there you are.

I haven't been able to get through to the Bryers all afternoon.

Any chance of finding cover for my last two appointments?

I'd really like to check everything is all right.

Yeah go on. I'm sure we'll cope without you.

Have you heard anything from Patrick?

I...

I sent him a text earlier on saying that I hadn't heard anything yet.

Oh, Elaine. I feel terrible about it.

Hey, you did the right thing.

Things will get better, I promise.

I hope so.

Dutch courage?

It won't work, you know, your ridiculous plan.

She'll choose me,

and you'll be on your own

for ever.

I'm so sorry, my love.

Please forgive me.

John! What...

What are you doing?

He was always there, wasn't he?

His smile in that photo,

mocking me.

You see, it only ever happened once in my whole life.

These feelings.

It was only ever you.

But you loved him first.

Who?

So I need to know which of us you want.

John. Please. I'm scared.

I don't understand!

Go on, then. Don't just stand there drivelling like a fool.

Do it!

GUNSHOT

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Stop laughing at me!

There's nobody there!

KNOCKS ON DOOR

-I could never live up to him, could I?

-Who?

Well, he's come for you.

He's told me how much you loved each other.

He's told me how you cuddled up together in the cinema,

right from the very first. It was The Apartment, wasn't it?

You see, Alan's told me everything!

Alan?

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Oh, John, please.

You are not well.

So you need to choose.

Him or me!

Yes. Police, please!

John, I love YOU.

Don't do this, please.

I have to.

Hello?

Up here!

-You won't feel anything, I promise.

-John.

-Get out!

John, listen to me. I can help you.

He'll take her away from me.

John...

There's no-one there.

Alan is dead!

I know that! I'm not a fool!

Nobody is saying that. But your wife is very ill, and you're scaring her. Please...

Put the gun down.

I can't lose you.

Listen to me.

Alan is gone.

I love YOU.

You!

I have never even seen The Apartment!

Look at Rosie. Look at your wife.

Your mind's playing tricks.

You don't really want to hurt her, do you?

Now please,

just give me the gun.

Everything is going to be all right.

Marina, thank you.

Sorry, I got carried away earlier. With all the lasers and everything.

Let's stick with one remedy at a time, shall we?

I thought you were going to open the Sancerre?

-Yes, but with the red meat, I thought.

-Yeah.

No, it's fine, really.

To us.

To us.

No ARV required.

I've made the weapon safe, and it's in my possession. Over.

Where are we going?

We just need to take you down the station to ask you a few questions, sir.

No, there'll be no need for that.

But my wife...

I'll make sure Mrs Bryer is well looked after, I promise.

Thanks.

Thank you.

-For what?

-Allowing him his dignity.

-What do you think will happen to him?

-Oh, we'll see.

A firearms offence like this is very serious.

At least no-one was hurt.

Yeah, and speaking of which,

the next time you hear a gunshot, I suggest you don't go rushing

in there by yourself, you wait for us to arrive?

I'll try not to make a habit of it.

Oh, good. Are you coming with us?

No. I'll wait for the nurse, make sure Mrs Bryer's all right.

OK, but we will need a statement from you.

I'll come to the station as soon as I'm done.

Thanks.

Just a small slice, please. After all, a promise is a promise.

Oh, I'm sure one little dessert won't make too much difference.

You know, I've been thinking... I've never really got to know Ian.

I wouldn't worry about it if I was you.

Well, I do. He's your son, and an important part of your life.

Do you think he'd like to come over for supper this weekend?

-No.

-Oh.

But... To be honest, we've had a bit of a falling out.

Really? What about?

It's nothing permanent, I'm sure. But...

I'm tired, thanks to you, and I'd prefer not to talk about it.

If you had a falling out, maybe you should...

Did you not hear me? I said I don't want you mentioning his name again.

Is that not clear?

Of course.

Let's just enjoy being together.

-Just us.

-Yeah.

So tonight, she gets the full Kevin Tyler treatment.

She won't stand a chance.

You've actually worked this out.

We shouldn't be doing this, but I am so pleased that we are.

You've got gorgeous eyes. I've never noticed that.

We're not usually this close.

I don't want you! I want him!

He's here!?

I don't know where he is.

You're amazing.

Hold that thought.

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