Too Much to Swallow Doctors

Morning, big boy.

Fancy a repeat performance before you get off?

Len...?

Come on, Len...

Len...?

No!

Ahh!

Oh...oh...

Mrs Parkins? It's Dr Haskey, from the Campus Surgery.

Yes... Sorry to hear your news.

Is he upstairs?

Who?

Your husband?

Len? No, he's away. At work.

Mr...Len Parkins?

Yes, that's him.

Right, I could be wrong here. I hope I am. It's just that...

I was told to come and certify...

Certify what?

His death.

It did seem a bit strange at the time, our records say that he lives,

lived here at number 1, then I was told to report at number 9.

Extra strong for me...

Sorry?

Coffee. If you're making... Oh, this is intolerable!

Whoa, what's up with you? Gloria.

She's sucking the life out of me...like a limpet!

And the talking, my Lord, the talking... Right...

Incessant. From the moment she gets up.

She's talking on the lavatory, she's talking in her sleep.

She's giving herself pep talks

when she should be concentrating on the matter in hand!

I just can't take it any more. What do you mean?

I'm going to end it, for sanity's sake.

You can't finish with her.

Thank you for your concern but my mind is made up.

No, because I'm going to dump Sigourney.

Why?

Because... things aren't working out.

Teething problems. At least you're getting some.

Yes, but with inappropriate match commentary.

It's got to be done today.

HE SIGHS

Did you call about a Mr Len Parkins?

Are you the doctor? Yes. Dr Haskey.

He's up here.

We went to bed early last night.

Len was a bit breathless in bed,

grunting more than usual.

And then this morning you found him like this?

I tried to rouse him, in several ways, you know, but...

I'm so sorry, I, er...

Maggie! We never intended for this...

Maybe that isn't the best course of action right now.

OK, Mr Davies.

Heston! Kevin?

We can't dump a mother and daughter on the same day, it's horrible.

Can't you wait a few weeks? A few weeks?! Are you insane?

A week then, tops.

Look, you like Sigourney, she's an attractive girl,

thankfully not like her mother.

You only want to do this because of your shortcomings, not hers.

Yes, I like Sigourney. But this is really getting to me.

I've never had this problem before.

I can't stand another day of this. That's exactly how I feel.

So this is about your vanity not my sanity?

It's not as basic as that!

Well, I'm doing it and if you're worried about it, don't!

Mrs Crilley...

Thank you.

Mrs Parkins.

I've examined your husband.

Was it his heart?

It may well have been, but because he hasn't been seen by a doctor

for a few weeks, and because it was unexpected, I've called the coroner.

The coroner?

I'm aware of his heart condition,

but in circumstances such as these, we have to call them.

Oh, I see.

Now, um...about your neighbour.

Maggie! I'm so, so sorry!

Do you want me to...?

Maggie...!

What on earth is going on? I loved him!

Mrs Williams?

It's Len, he's dead.

I'm so sorry you had to find out like this.

Mrs Williams...!

Oh, what has she said? Nothing, she's in shock.

What's going on? Who are you?

Ravi Jophal, a neighbour.

There's been an incident. It's Mr Parkins.

I'm sorry he's dead.

I didn't want this.

You shouldn't have had to find out like this but it was love...

Mrs Williams, please.

SHE SOBS Is she talking about her and Len?

I'm afraid she is.

Look, would you mind?

I need to call the authorities, and arrange things.

Of course. Thank you.

Yeah?

I was just wondering where you're whisking me off to lunch.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel, I've got to sort out

this rota.

Rota?

Yeah, Howard's asked me to have a scan through.

Isn't that his job?

Normally...thank you. But he's a bit snowed under.

That man is ridiculous! What's the matter with him now?

Busy, he's got polyclinic business,

rejecting proposals, that kind of thing.

So he dumps it on you like you're one of his minions.

I wouldn't consider trying to keep the practice afloat with

both our money tied up in it a triviality.

Nor would I.

I'm just saying we need to pull together a little bit.

Keep the team together, maintain positive relationships. I don't want any staff jumping ship.

My relationships are fine, thank you.

Really? A bit dodgy with Al

and I've lost count how many times you've fallen out with Karen.

It is not my fault if they don't understand me.

It's awkward with Jimmi. And whose fault is that?

Emma?

Women like that never like me. So, why not take her out for lunch?

You are joking?! Seeing as you're at a loose end.

Not that loose!

It wouldn't hurt to have her on side, Zara.

OK, if I must. No further probing about Howard, OK?

As if I would. I'm serious. Be nice!

No! You're joking me?! Dead in bed with another woman?

No, I'm not joking you. Now, if you don't mind, what do the records say?

Oh...poor sedentary lifestyle and diet, raised BP on his last visit.

Two heart attacks, one in 2011 and another one earlier this year.

And a cardiac appointment two weeks ago at St Phils.

Right.

What was the name of the, er, other woman?

Rose Williams.

9 Stanford? Yeah, that's the one.

I knew I recognised her name when she called.

Wasn't there some suspicion about her husband?

What? Yeah, her first husband died in mysterious circumstances.

Please, Karen, no cliches.

I'm not messing.

Rose Williams' husband died and then a couple of months later

her fancy man pops off. She may be a black widow?

Yeah, as much as I love hearing about your Cluedo theories

this woman has got the grieving turned up to 11.

Well, sometimes people protest too much.

Thank you Fraulein Freud, but I think you're barking up the wrong tree.

Maybe I'm not the one who's barking.

HE SIGHS

Emma. Zara, what can I do for you?

I was just wondering what you are doing today?

I can't cover for anyone, I've got a Police Surgeon shift tonight.

I don't need you to do anything for me,

I was just wondering if you fancied lunch?

With you?

Yes, with me.

If this is about Howard, then no, I don't fancy it.

Look, I really would like to get to know you a bit more.

I know I was a little off with you yesterday.

Yes, you were.

Apology accepted.

We really do need to sort this out sooner or later.

In that case, I'll meet you after the clinic...?

Looking forward to it.

SHE SIGHS

MAGGIE!

Rose, no. Mrs Williams, please, not now.

This isn't the way you were supposed to find out.

Find him dead in your bed? Just get away from me.

I think that's probably for the best.

I loved him. He would never have loved you!

Len!

SHE SOBS

Mrs Parkins, are you OK?

Fine, thank you. I just had to get out for a while.

Do you need me to hang around?

No, thanks...

I'll be fine.

Len came over at 7, as planned.

I'd done us a lovely meal to celebrate our six-month anniversary.

Oh, right, so...so you'd been together quite a while?

Yes, it was just wonderful. He was so lovely!

How did that work... explaining it away?

Len works...worked in haulage, often away.

Right.

We were in love, doctor!

I know you think it's wrong.

I must be jinxed. Doomed to be alone...

How so?

They keep dying on me.

First off me husband, then my fiance Ted...

Everyone says it.

Mrs Williams, were you aware that Len had a heart condition?

No...he never mentioned anything.

Len were as fit as a fiddle in the bedroom!

And now I'll never hold him like that again.

No.

LOUNGE MUSIC IN BACKGROUND

Have anything you like, my treat.

I'll just have something quick.

Look, no talking about work, no talk about Howard,

just two colleagues getting to know each other.

OK.

So...

SHE SIGHS

How's...?

Widowhood?

SHE CHUCKLES

Well...yes.

I'm so glad you said it first!

So, how ARE you coping?

BOTH LAUGH

BELL RINGS

Afternoon...

Oh, hello, Heston.

Are you here for a lunchtime facial?

Nice thought, I'm here to see your mother.

Oh, right, she's just in the back. Mum! Heston for you!

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Oh what a lovely surprise!

Why didn't you tell me you were popping in?

I'd have made an effort. Do you have a few moments?

I've been rushed off my feet, so yes,

I could do with a break. Come through.

Oh...hectic day. Just dispatched the last of a hen party!

Off to Prague, apparently.

SHE CHUCKLES

I'm glad to help primp and preen, but strikes me as odd wanting to be

all neat, collared and cuffed, for an all-girls weekend.

Indeed. Still, keeps the coffers ringing.

Talking of which, I thought we might have a little treat,

maybe next weekend?

Cosy cottage, long walks, log fires...

now that the nights are properly drawing in?

I've got this friend Alison,

she's got a stunning little place down near Worcester.

Says we can have it, "just for the bills".

What do you think?

I'm not sure about next weekend... You'll love it! Just us two!

We can leave the young ones to sort things out.

Has Kevin said any more about his problem?

Gloria... No, see, I was chatting to a pal of mine, her husband's had similar issues...

Gloria, look...

She says a long hot soak in a bath helped inflate things for him.

Gloria, I need to talk to you... Still, it's not just the oldsters that have the problems, is it?

Maybe we could have an early night and show them how it's done?

Not sure about tonight...

Mum, Denise about the wedding.

Oh, just coming.

I won't be a sec Heston, tricky bride, she's got an allergy!

I haven't got long, I'm on lunch... Does that look wonky to you?

Maggie, I brought you this. For the shock.

Thank you.

And if there is anything else I can do, please ask.

PHONE RINGS

Here, let me.

PHONE CONTINUES RINGING

'Maggie, it's Rose. This isn't going to go away.'

You killed my husband. Live with it!

Um...um...

She's on about peach!

Peach?! When did you last see that on a bride?

And with auburn hair? It'll wash her out completely.

She's not thinking right.

Gloria, can we talk? I need to be back at the surgery.

Mind you, she's never thought right regarding that fella.

It's been off from the start.

She's a line-dancing lump

and he prefers to sit in his garret fiddling with his Xbox.

Gloria... Still, who am I to criticise?

If she wants to go running headlong into a doomed relationship,

who's going to stop her? Oh, my feet are killing me.

I knew I should have plumped for more of a mule in here,

plays havoc with your feet this lino...

SHUT UP...!

Please!

Sorry, Heston...was I going on?

Gloria...

This relationship isn't working.

No, Heston, don't be silly, it's wonderful.

Not for me, it isn't.

Why? What have I done?

Gloria, nothing...I'm not ready to commit at the moment

and I'd just be leading you on...

But we're having such a lovely time.

Well, all good things come to an end.

What about Worcester? And I've got some haddock in for our tea.

It'll freeze, won't it?

SOBBING: But I'm just a woman, sitting in front of a man,

asking to be loved.

That was Denise, you've talked her...out of peach...

I really should be going.

Please, Heston. We can make it work!

Sorry.

SHE SOBS

Sorry.

Hey, come here...

I am so tired of the patients' sympathetic looks.

Don't get me wrong, I miss Sam dreadfully

but my grief is private, you know.

I do know, I can't stand all that faux empathy!

When I was away with Joe, everybody was always asking me, where's his father,

why isn't he around?

They seemed to shut up when I told them I was an inseminated lesbian!

You didn't?

I bloody did.

BOTH LAUGH

You know, I think I will join you in that drink.

It does help.

I do admire how you've handled everything.

I don't know what I would do if I lost Daniel in the same way.

You can't know until it happens.

You just get... Well, you lose yourself in a world of pain.

I still feel it, but I suppose it just takes time.

You know what it is time for? It is

time for you to rid yourself of your widow's weeds.

Sorry? We should go on a shopping trip this afternoon.

Shopping? Paperwork can wait. You need an update. It's a little beige.

Have you ever had a makeover?

No.

It is amazing what an overhaul can do for the soul.

I'm a little...beige?

No. No, not you.

Emma, obviously your clothes are...

PHONE RINGS

Daniel? Yes, hi. Yes, everything is fine.

Everything is fine. We are having a LOVELY lunch!

KNOCKING

Sorry to interrupt your lunch, but Mrs Williams wants a word.

Sure, come in.

I killed him, didn't I, doctor?

OK, I think I can take it from here, thank you, Karen.

So, what makes you think you killed him?

Well, he wasn't well and we went a bit over the top in bed last night.

I wouldn't have done that if I'd have known.

I can't bear the thought that I might be responsible!

I highly doubt a little bit of night-time activity would have

done this to him.

I do find it a little bit peculiar he didn't tell you about his medical condition.

He was a bloke.

What was his diet like? I'm ashamed to admit it now.

Admit what...?

Pie and chips, sticky toffee, beer, cheese, wine.

All the good stuff, hey.

Stupid, stupid me!

How so?

I wanted to make it special, our night.

I wanted to keep him interested.

What makes you think he wasn't?

I didn't want to be alone.

Thought he were going back to his wife, properly.

Was going to end it... and I couldn't bear it, not again.

Maggie were making a special effort...I saw her out

shopping last week.

It were Len's birthday and she were going to cook him

all his favourites. I just got jealous.

Pie and chips?

And sticky toffee.

I see.

Emma, come on!

Thanks for lunch, but I really need to get home.

Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you.

I let my mouth run away with me. It's fine, honestly.

No, it's not.

You don't have to pretend. You've made the effort.

So now you can report back to the powers that be that

we're on better terms.

OK, maybe that was the intention,

but insulting you to one side, I've actually enjoyed your company.

Maybe my wardrobe is stuck in a rut

and I probably should do something about it.

And since you have the uncanny knack of saying things to me

that my friends wouldn't...

I have always found that a little bit of retail therapy

can set anything right!

What? Now...?

Did you know your husband was having an affair with Mrs Williams?

He was always having affairs.

And did you know about this one?

He thought I didn't, but I'm not stupid.

It was, er, Len's birthday last week?

Yes. Did you do anything nice?

No, he was away on the lorry.

So you didn't have a nice meal, to celebrate?

No.

Right, because Rose said she saw you

and you were planning this grand feast.

She's so gullible.

I think your husband died of a heart attack

and I think we all know his diet was not helping him.

I think that you actively encouraged Rose to feed him

food that was bad for him.

I could never make my husband do something he didn't want to.

But this information might have some bearing

when I speak to the coroner... when I speak to the police.

I...just wanted to make him suffer a bit. Heartburn, indigestion.

I didn't know this was going to happen.

SOBBING: I didn't want him dead. I wanted a proper husband.

A proper life.

I can understand that...

I asked him time and again to stop.

He would never listen to me.

If things were that bad, why didn't you just leave him?

Because I thought things would change.

So what happens now?

Well, what does it look like?

Yeah, not bad. Suits me better, I think.

You know your own style, don't you?

I must say it's very nice shopping with a proper person,

someone who knows what she likes.

You can't say that for most of my girlfriends.

OK, so, what do you think of this one?

Wow, you look amazing.

Oh, yes, it's nice, isn't it?

Mind you, it's not very practical

for lancing boils and backside exams.

But at least it's not beige.

Yeah.

So, is this on you as well as the lunch?

Because if it is there's a couple of other little numbers I've spied.

Nice try! No, honestly, I'm really glad we did this.

I have strangely enjoyed it.

Yeah, me too.

HE SIGHS

Was she guilty? Hey?

Was it in the kitchen with the lead piping, or in the bedroom with the rope?!

You want to get yourself down the station and spill the beans.

And say what exactly?

Len Parkins was a very sick man, wouldn't take much to off him!

If I was the wife I would want justice.

Yeah, sure. But if he's neglected his own health?

He knows that what he puts in his body

will have an effect, hmm, what then?

I suppose it's partly his fault but if she forced it down his throat...?

She wasn't forcing him. No, he was only too happy to indulge.

Like you said. He was a very, very sick man.

Thanks for coming. I'm sorry I can't stay long.

It's OK, this won't take long.

Mum's in bits.

She's in bits, why? Heston's broken up with her.

Oh, no!

Yeah, completely out of the blue. Not a sign.

I can't believe it. Is she all right?

What do you think?

I mean, I know she can be a bit irritating,

a bit on the chatty side... Yeah?

But to do it so shamelessly, at work,

during her lunch break... what a pig!

Yeah, right.

Anyway, it got me thinking about us. Really?

I mean, you just know when things aren't right, don't you...?

Do you?

I brought you this, I thought you hadn't had time to eat.

Thank you, Ravi. Would you like to come in?

Are you sure now is a good time?

It is.

Oh...

Things haven't been right in the bedroom department.

I know.

Which...I know you're unhappy about.

But...sex doesn't have to be the centre of this relationship.

It doesn't?

No, it doesn't, what we've got is much more special than that.

And it doesn't matter to me because

all of those things are more important.

Right.

So, maybe if we give it some time, it'll come back?

No pressure.

I'll leave you to think about it.

I will.

I've got to get back to Mum.

She's cooking haddock.

Well, I hope she's OK. Yeah.

Listen, I'll, erm, give you a call when Mum's better,

and then we can have a long chat about it then.

This one involves ghosts, unnatural acts and murder.

Funny, I can't seem to find a pulse.

That is not uncommon.

I want a story. Who brought you here?

There's no point in running. Soon you will be one of us.

Look back just once, for any reason,

and your friend will be kept here to pay the price.

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