The Lean Doctors

-All right, good night.

-Bye.

Oh, I can't be bothered cooking.

Want to go out, my treat?

Yeah. I'm doing a first-aid thing at the youth club but I'll meet you after.

Oh! Mouth-to-mouth with a bunch of raging hormones? That'll be nice!

Ordinarily I would love to, Mrs Hollins,

but Gordon is cooking a meal this evening.

Oh, well, that explains it, then - the dress, the perfume.

I always like to look my best.

Gordon's cooking - a bit of candlelight, some smooth jazz,

then you'll stay for coffee and...

No, no! It is nothing like that.

I think the bishop is popping by.

The bishop? Is that why you're looking so lovely, Mrs Tembe?

All this fuss - it is just an old dress.

Nothing special.

Gordon's cooking.

Is Gordon cooking? That is really great of Gordon.

It is just an informal gathering.

Well, you have a great time, Mrs Tembe.

Yeah. Have a lovely evening.

It is nothing special, I am sure.

Well, good evening.

Nothing special?

Yeah, right! Night, all.

Good night. What was that you were saying about raging hormones?

I'll get the door.

I told you - don't fuss, I am perfectly capable.

I was thinking about cooking tonight. You could have a soak, pamper yourself.

Thanks. But I don't need your permission.

It may be a toss-up as to who wins on the hormone front -

the youth club or the Mill!

I just don't understood why people make such a big deal out of relationships.

Did I not teach you about the birds and the bees?

Yes, thanks! I just mean all the flirting and messing around.

If you like someone, just tell them.

If they like you back, great.

If not, get over it and move on.

Last of the great romantics, you are!

Right, everybody out! Locking up.

Just going.

I think you'll find that most people think it's a little more complex than you seem to.

More fool them. Good night.

See you tomorrow.

# The look of love is in your eyes... #

Yasmin? You want me to give you a lift?

No, thanks, Dad. I'll be fine on the bus.

Marcus, you ready? We've got to go!

All right, all right, keep your hair on.

# The look of love... #

Hey, how's it going?

Calvin has left the building!

# And what my heart has heard Well, it takes my breath away... #

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, good evening, Gordon. It is unseasonably cold this evening.

Let me take your coat.

Thank you. I also wanted to come early

because I wanted to discuss one or two matters regarding the food bank.

That smells wonderful!

MUSIC: "The Look Of Love" by Dusty Springfield

So...it will be just the two of us tonight?

That's OK, isn't it?

Yes...yes.

It looks lovely.

I-I-I like the music. No, it is very nice.

You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you. This old thing - it is nothing special.

Well, it's lovely.

I'll go and check on the food. You just relax.

I am. I mean, I will.

Thought you said you weren't going to bother coming to youth club again?

Sociological experiment. Like watching chimps at the zoo.

-Besides, if

-I

-don't come, who will YOU have to talk to?

Someone intelligent?

Argh! You vicious...

Get off me, you munter!

Stop!

Hi!

All right, shut up!

"Hi!"

You don't fancy her, do you? Seriously?

Yeah, maybe. She's all right.

Ask her out, then.

If it's that easy, why don't YOU ask her out?

No, course you won't, will you? It's cos you're all mouth.

Oh, really? I'll go you one better, then.

I bet you I can snog her by the end of tonight.

Unless you can get there first.

OK, mate. Keep dreaming.

Tenner says I can do it.

Zara? You ready for some food?

Not yet.

What are you doing? You've been ages.

HE LAUGHS

Don't laugh at me! Don't!

I'm sorry. I didn't...

I hate this! I hate it so much! I can't have a shower, I can't wash my hair properly.

I can't even paint my toenails!

I feel ugly and ridiculous!

Sweetheart...

I know you think I'm being superficial.

I don't think that at all. I completely understand.

-You do?

-Yes. How you look isn't just surface for you.

It's also about how you feel.

So, if you look horrible -

which, by the way, you couldn't in a million years,

but this is your perception, not mine -

then you FEEL horrible. I get it. So let me help.

-How?

-I can wash your hair. I can paint your toenails.

-Oh, come on.

-Why not?

Because there are some things which are personal. You want to preserve a bit of mystery.

Mystery is our problem, can't you see that?

Don't get me wrong, all right? I love it.

But I also love waking up next to you when you've got no make-up on.

Don't be ridiculous, I look horrific in the morning.

You look stunning.

We don't need mystery right now.

We need to reconnect, to be equal.

We've got to be much more open with each other.

You sound like your therapist.

We talk.

This isn't about talking! All we do is bloody talk!

I'm not going to give you a hard time about it, guys, cos it's totally voluntary.

-You don't have to do it if you don't want to.

-That's lucky, cos we don't.

But first aid is a really handy skill to have.

You never know when you might need it

and I promise you that we'll have a laugh.

So what do you think?

Guys, come on, it looks great on your CV.

I think most people would prefer to play pool and doss about.

Marcus? What about you?

-Me?

-You're usually up for anything.

So we've heard.

No, sorry, I don't think I'll do it.

I'll do it.

Blimey - she speaks.

-Great. Was it, um...Yasmin?

-That's right.

Anyone else?

I'll do it!

Just changed my mind, that's all.

Me, too.

I've already done first aid, but a refresher can't hurt.

All right. Brilliant. I'm already set up in there,

so let's get cracking.

You won't get rid of me THAT easily,

my young apprentice - that tenner's mine and you know it.

MUSIC: "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" by Dusty Springfield

The asparagus is lovely.

Thank you.

You know what they say about asparagus?

What? What do they say?

That it's...really good for you.

Oh, yes, I'm sure... It's very invigorating.

So, you wanted to talk about the food bank?

Oh, yes.

I am happy to report that it is going very well.

I have made a number of contacts with local businesses

and schools, and many have expressed...

well, an interest to help us.

That's wonderful. A tribute to your persuasive powers.

No, I think people are always willing to help you.

You just have to ask in the right way.

I absolutely agree.

It's...how you ask that matters.

Would you...like more asparagus?

Oh. Yes, thank you.

OK. So if that's all clear, we'll move onto the recovery position.

Like the missionary position?

No, it's not quite the same thing, mate.

So, first of all,

if you come across someone that looks like they need help,

the first three things you ask them are...

Airway, breathing, circulation. Easy as ABC, right?

That's right. Thanks, Calvin. Maybe let someone else get a word in, mate.

-Whatever.

-I need a volunteer casualty, please?

Great. If you pop yourself down there, please, Yasmin.

I'll get rid of this dummy for now, then I'll come back and talk you through the procedure.

Now's your chance.

To do what?

I'll even give you a free go, since I'm such a decent guy.

I don't think so.

If you don't, I will.

She's been eyeing me up all night.

-Get your money ready.

-Wait, no, no, no! No.

OK, I'll do it.

What are you doing?

I just wanted to...

-What are you doing?!

-What are YOU doing, you mean!

I was practising CPR! You broke my nose, you mad cow!

Don't you call me mad, or a cow!

You tell him, Lisbeth Salander!

Keep out of this, Calvin!

-Hey, hey, what's going on?

-He kissed me!

-I didn't! It was CPR!

Then she bust my nose!

Yeah, whatever!

It did look like a kiss, didn't it?

That's it! Time out!

Marcus, I need to have a look at this nose.

You two, take ten and calm down.

Yasmin, we'll talk about this later.

# I'll be your clown behind the glass

# Go ahead and laugh cos it's funny

# I would too, if I saw me... #

Well, at least it's not broken.

What happened back there, mate?

Women. Who can understand them?

Right, so you weren't really practising CPR, then?

I don't know.

Yasmin's only been at Letherbridge High for a few weeks and...

You thought you'd break the ice the old-fashioned way?

Look, I like her, OK?

I mean, look at her - she's gorgeous, right?

I mean, her eyes and her hair...

If that's the way you feel, why don't you just ask her out?

You're joking! Then she'd REALLY break my nose!

What, and you think snogging her without asking her,

that's the safe option, is it?

Calvin made me a bet that he could snog her tonight.

I know he's not really bothered about her.

He just does stuff like that cos he's a bit of a...

Is he? I hadn't noticed(!)

I know how much you like chocolate.

It looks wonderful.

And then perhaps, afterwards, you could stay...

..for coffee.

Well...it has been a lovely evening, Gordon,

but it is getting late and I have a very early start in the morning.

Oh.

I'm sorry. I really... I really should be going.

Of course, if that's what you want...

I am sorry.

It has been a wonderful evening.

It's a shame it has to end - it's only half past eight, after all.

Really?!

I got you a veggie hotdog.

Peace offering on behalf of all men.

Yeah. I'm not really hungry.

Not surprised. Having Marcus kissing you would put anyone off their food.

I didn't mind, really.

It's just...people laughing at me - I can't stand it.

I'd never laugh at you.

Is it all right if I sit here?

-Yeah, fine, whatever.

-Cool.

I think that's probably the difference between him and me.

I know how to read the signs. He doesn't.

Is that right?

Someone they like who likes them. It's that simple.

So why does it feel so complicated?

Because everyone is so scared of being rejected.

It gets easier, right?

I mean, when I get to YOUR age...

-I'm not THAT old!

-You know what I mean.

It gets easier for you, yeah?

Gets harder.

I mean, OK, you can go to a club and get smashed

and have a one-night thing, no problem.

But if you want something that's deeper...

Exactly.

I mean, how do you know that they really like you?

Cos no-one ever just comes out and says it, do they?

Cos it's weird and it's desperate.

So, no matter how old you are, you still have to do "the lean".

-The what?

-The lean.

What's the lean?

It's that moment when you've been talking

and you think you're getting on really well.

Maybe she's laughed at something you've said

or she strokes your arm accidentally on purposely, you know?

And then, all of a sudden, you stop talking.

Then you hold each other's eyes for that little bit too long

-and then you...

-Wh...what you doing?

See? Does she react, like you just did, and pull away

and say she doesn't like you, or does she kiss you?

In which case, Bob's your uncle.

The lean?

That's the killer, my friend.

You go and pull a stunt like you did back there,

like when you're trying to avoid having to go through with it,

and Yasmin was having none of it,

because no worthwhile relationship can ever avoid the lean.

Do you understand?

Right. Now, I'm going to go and fill out this accident book and speak to Yasmin.

You OK?

Yeah, it CAN be a burden being a chic geek but...

Are you OK?

Yeah. I've just got a really bad headache, that's all.

Maybe you need to eat. You haven't touched your hot dog.

Not hungry.

-Come on, just a small bite.

-No!

What the hell?!

-What's going on?!

-How the hell should I know?

She just started freaking out, but this...!

She's going to hurt herself.

-She nearly hurt me!

-If you're not going to help, then...get back.

Give her some air. Someone get Chris!

Oh, what a freak!

Calvin, shut up! Yasmin, Yasmin!

What's going on?

I don't know, she had some kind of fit.

OK, she's still breathing.

OK. She's got epilepsy. Calvin, this is not funny.

Winifred...

I want you to stay.

I want you to spend the night.

-I know.

-Because there's nothing wrong with it, with us.

You know that, don't you? I mean, I know you're nervous.

Lord knows, I am too. But we can't keep on running away from this.

I'm not running, it's just...

We're not married and I'm a vicar but, really, this is the 21st century.

We're free to do whatever we like.

Unless you don't want to.

Oh, Gordon, no, it is not that.

I am trying. I really am.

I know.

I am sorry.

I just need a moment.

Well, YOU look better.

-I feel it.

-Joe asleep?

Like a log.

On his back. Snoring.

Just like his father.

I do not!

Like a beached whale, mister!

Is there any more wine?

Er, no. We finished the bottle.

So I guess...

there's only one thing for us to do.

Go to bed?

Yes.

Hey, welcome back.

What?

You had a fit. You're epileptic, right?

Yeah. Oh, did I?

This is so embarrassing.

Don't worry. It was OK.

Luckily I was there, so you didn't hurt yourself.

What, you...?

Moved the furniture, got you into the recovery position,

called an ambulance. No problem.

Wow. Thank you.

No problem.

Yasmin, seeing you lying there made me realise something.

It made me realise that I really like you.

You do?

Yeah. I really do.

A lot.

Hey! You're awake!

Your mum and dad are on their way. How you feeling?

Stupid.

It's not your fault. I'm just glad you're OK.

But we do need to talk about you not mentioning your epilepsy.

Cos you gave us a scare.

Sorry. It's just, I've been the new girl a lot.

Last thing you want is people thinking you're even weirder

-than you are.

-I don't think you're weird.

Marcus is here?

Yeah. He wanted to see how you were doing.

That's nice.

I'll go and tell him you're OK now.

He doesn't need to hang around. I won't be a sec.

I hope I didn't cause you any trouble.

No, not at all. It was Marcus who was looking after you.

Hang on - Marcus did?

Yeah, he's my star pupil.

So it wasn't Calvin, then?

No, why? What's he told you?

Zara?

Winifred? Is everything all right?

-I'm sorry, mate.

-It's not your fault.

I think she's just embarrassed you saw her like that.

Did she say that?

She told me to tell you to go, yeah. Tough luck.

You can give me the tenner whenever.

I'd better go back in.

OK. Well, tell her I hope she feels better.

Yeah. See you tomorrow.

Could you just pop inside a sec? Yasmin wants a word.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for hitting you earlier.

That's all right. It was my fault.

-Well, yeah.

-And I'm sorry if I scared you when I had my fit.

No. You didn't.

You mustn't think that. SOME people, yeah, but...

It's why I don't tell people.

I know I should, but it just ends up with people laughing at me

or calling me weird, so...

What kind of a person would do that?

You'd be surprised.

Well, I'm glad that you're OK.

Thanks to you, I am.

You didn't do anything, did you?

You just stood back and laughed at me. Didn't you?

No, I...I DID help. I got the others to give you some air and...

Calvin, I've told her.

Yeah, well, it's not like it's such a big deal or anything - all he did was...

Take care of me.

It did look really funny.

-Calvin.

-I want you to go - now.

Right. Well, I'm glad all that's sorted.

I'll give you two some space.

I'm sorry. I moved too fast. I thought...

I hope this doesn't ruin everything.

I've called you a cab.

Sorry about earlier - the CPR thing.

Oh, I thought it was a kiss.

But it was just CPR?

-Yeah.

-Not some stupid bet or something?

A bet? No.

The thing blokes always forget is that we're smarter than you are.

And we've got intuition. So we know when something feels right.

How?

Come here.

See?

Yeah, I guess.

The only reason I came tonight was cos I hoped you'd be there.

Really?

Really.

You've got lovely eyes.

So have you.

Oops, sorry.

Yasmin, your mum and dad are here. They're on their way up.

-I better go.

-No, stay. You can meet them.

-Now?

-Why not? We're going out, right?

-We are?

-Course. We kissed, didn't we?

Yeah, but I didn't ask you out.

Oh, so you're not going to?

-Do you want me to?

-Do you want to?

-Maybe.

-Look, are we going out or what?

-Yeah, OK. Fine, we're going out!

-Good!

-Great!

OK, guys. I'm going to go. Take care.

Chris, wait!

OK, so I did the lean. It went great.

-What's next?

-Marcus!

Sorry, mate. You're on your own.

Are you OK?

Oh, yes.

Most definitely.

Good.

Me too.

Can I ask you one question?

What?

How did you know I love Dusty Springfield?

HE GROWLS, SHE SQUEALS

I can't...I can't do this.

I don't understand.

You broke my heart when you slept with Cherry.

You broke my heart.

You said you didn't care.

It nearly killed me.

So I guess that must just mean I care.

What?!

And now, every time I look at you, I see you with her.

Touching her, kissing her.

Zara, don't. OK? I thought we'd really made a breakthrough tonight.

All right? You know it was just a thing. It meant nothing to me.

You and Joe are my world.

You know that I only want to be with you.

I know a lot of things.

I know it was your illness, I know you're sorry,

and I know you want to be with me. But none of those things matter.

Because when I was right in front of you,

you went to her instead of me.

And now...

I don't know if I can trust you ever again.

So...they liked each other. They kissed.

Fade to black. And they lived happy ever after?

It was probably a bit more complex than that.

Oh, really?

All right, don't gloat.

I still think people make more of a meal of it than they need to.

Ah, well. On that we agree.

I'm going to get a drink. Dry white?

Mm-hm.

MUSIC: "The Look Of Love" by Dusty Springfield

Marcus asked me if it gets easier as you get older.

What do you think?

No. I don't think it does.

# Don't ever go

# Don't ever go

Is that what you wore yesterday?

Mrs Tembe, are you doing the walk of shame?

Hollins is a chef?

This here is Jazzy K and she is going to take you all the way.

The eggs aren't fresh and I've had a pastry nightmare. See this towel?

I'm throwing it in.

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