Love to Hate You Doctors

MUSIC: "Merry Xmas Everybody" by Slade

Oi! David Guetta!

Get that off and get your backside up those ladders.

So much for Santa's little helpers!

You're about as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

What have I just told you?!

MUSIC STOPS

Look out! Here's the Grinch that stole Christmas.

Nice of you to show your face, Mish Penny!

Thanks for all your help.

You're the one who volunteered to organise this shambles.

Well, seeing as you're finally here, you can chase the catering truck.

Sorry, no can do. I'm meeting Max in five.

-I didn't know there was a managers' meeting.

-There isn't.

It's a one-on-one.

Colin, you idiot!

Goodbye, Mrs Hudson, have a lovely Christmas.

-What?

-I've had an idea!

But I've got another patient.

It's all right, I told them you'd need another minute. Come on in!

Honestly, it's bonkers out there.

Everybody is running lines, rehearsing in between appointments.

I think we need to work on our scenes.

I can't, I've got patients back-to-back.

So why don't we get together this evening? I could come over.

What? But...I'm looking after Joe. Daniel's out Christmas shopping.

No, it's fine, because Ashley's out as well so I'll be at a loose end.

We will get so much more done!

So it's a date!

Ooh, my Prince Charming!

Well? Come on.

You've been even more smug than usual for days now, Moneypenny.

What is it? A promotion?

Maybe.

I put in twice the hours you do.

For such little return.

If anyone's due a promotion here, it's me.

If you must know, Glen, I'm leaving.

-What?

-I've got a job in Rio.

In just a few short weeks, I'll be lying on the beach

while you freeze your nips off in the British winter.

But keep your trap shut. I haven't told Brad yet.

-Hi, babes.

-Hiya.

I got your message. What is it?

No biggie. I just thought we could have an early lunch.

-My treat.

-Great.

Glen, I'll be back later with the alcohol for the party.

Yeah. Thanks, mate.

Missing you already, Glenda(!)

Hey, Al! Al, Al, Al! Look, a new nightclub - Costa Verde.

-Oh, it's not new. It's been there ages.

-Oh.

Is it any good?

I've no idea.

Oh, well, just so you know, don't wait up.

Hey? Hang on! Who are you going to go with?

No-one! See you later.

Why can't you go?

There's a Christmas party at the Legion and I said I'd help out.

Mandy?

No way. I've still got a ton of stuff to do for the panto

so no can do.

Can't you go just go for half an hour to represent the practice?

There's a free bar.

I don't know what you're insinuating.

Anyway, I've got an afternoon full of medicals for uni staff,

and then I'm going shopping.

Well I'll leave the invite just in case you change your mind.

Happy Christmas(!)

Glen Barry?

Mr Barry?

Sorry.

Would you like to follow me?

So, er, you work on campus. Which department?

Sales and marketing.

Right, well, a staff medical is very simple. It's just some general

questions, and then a routine health exam.

Mr Barry?

What?

Are you OK? You look a bit pale.

Can we just get on with it, sweetheart?

I've got to get back to the office.

Fine. Are you taking any medication at the moment?

Mr Barry?

So how was your morning?

Good, thanks. Couple of deliveries came in for the Christmas party.

Ben phoned in sick again.

All right, I don't need a blow-by-blow!

Sorry, babe. You did ask.

Anyway, enough about you. I've got some news!

You're not pregnant, are you?

No! I'm on the pill, you div.

-Phew!

-But you might want to sit down.

This is embarrassing, man!

I thought you said you hated your co-worker?

I do.

So?

When she told me about Rio,

when she said she was leaving...

..I wanted to be the one going with her, not Brad!

I'd go away with her in a heartbeat.

Here's your ticket. You can pay me back out of your savings.

It's one-way.

Yeah, Brad. It's not a holiday! It's a permanent move.

Where will we be staying?

The job comes with a one-bed apartment.

We'll be living together?

No, Brad, I'm going to put you up in the Hyatt, in the penthouse!

Yes, we'll be living together!

I don't believe this!

I'm giving you the opportunity of a lifetime.

Is this all the thanks I get?

I'm sorry. I just need some time to get my head round the idea,

that's all.

Of course I'm excited.

I can't let her see me like this.

Well, if this is how you really feel, then...

You don't understand.

We've got...history.

When we first started working together,

we fancied the pants off each other.

We were in the same management grade, but different teams.

It was very competitive.

We had a sweepstake running as to which team would end up on top.

I played dirty to make sure my team won.

-So you fell out over a bet?

-No.

That was the same week as the Christmas party, six years ago.

We got absolutely shedded and ended up in the staff bogs,

ripping each other's clothes off!

I told Jill we should keep it quiet.

I didn't want the wife finding out.

You're married?

I was then.

Did Jill know?

Yeah.

She had a boyfriend.

So, did you and Jill have an affair?

No.

She found out about me rigging the sweepstake,

and got back at me by telling everyone

about our brief encounter in the bogs.

Worse - she told all the girls that I was, er, how can I put it...

"underwhelming" in the trouser department.

It took me years to get my reputation back!

And your wife?

We got divorced.

Yeah. Not because of that.

She wanted kids.

I was never really keen, myself.

Too much hassle.

So, did anything ever happen between you and Jill?

No.

Jill ended up seeing a string of guys, and then told everyone

how much better in the sack they were than me.

Nice(!)

So I started dating these Eastern European girls.

Stunners.

You can't recommend any decent shops in town, can you?

I want a new top for tonight.

There's a couple of nice boutiques on the high street,

but I reckon your best bet is Hamptons - the department store.

Oh, great! Thank you. I'll see you later.

Karen?

Do you want anything from town?

What? No, no, I'm fine.

Look...

I'm not sure you should go clubbing on your own just yet.

Why not?

Do you not you think it's a bit soon for that kind of thing?

Too soon for what? Having fun?

Al, the last thing I need is another jailor.

I'm just trying to get my life back.

Yeah, of course you do, just...

Do you not think you'd be better off trying to remember

the life you had, rather than doing things to jeopardise it?

Jeopardise it how?

By going to meat-market nightclubs when you're a married woman.

Is that what this is about?

What if you get pregnant or you get some kind of horrible STI?

-Do you want to end up in the clap clinic?

-Al!

Is it really worth the risk just to have some fun?

Yes!

Yes, it is!

I've had my whole adult life ripped out of my head.

So, you know,

I don't know if I'm going to get those years back.

I just want to live my life for now.

And I don't care whether you or anybody else likes it or not.

It's not funny, Daniel!

No, it's hilarious!

The thought of you and Valerie having a cosy night in!

It's not a social call and it'll never be repeated!

Good luck with that.

I think you might have to chisel her off the sofa.

In that case I'll have to take a rain check

and come shopping with you instead.

No, you don't! I'll get nothing done if Joe's there. I've got a list as long as my arm.

I thought we weren't going to go overboard on his presents?

He's just a baby, Daniel. He won't appreciate being spoilt.

I'm not buying presents just for Joe. I'm buying them for everyone.

You know how much I hate the commercialisation of Christmas.

I'll just get him one or two meaningful presents, as discussed.

Right!

I'd better go.

I just want to wish you good luck with your rehearsal.

And please, don't incinerate Cinders.

-Don't tempt me.

-Hee-hee!

Jill Money? Oh, hi. Come through.

We can skip the staff medical. I'm leaving.

Oh. Well, you could have cancelled your appointment.

I need travel jabs instead.

I'm moving to Rio and I haven't had any in years. What will I need?

To make an appointment.

What's this? Scotch mist?

An appointment with the nurse.

Oh, for goodness' sake! How long will that take?

As it happens, there is a drop-in clinic this afternoon.

That's quite a leap - Letherbridge to South America?

Believe me, it's long overdue.

I'm in a job that ceased taxing my brain years ago.

So what made you stay so long, if you don't mind me asking?

It's complicated.

Yes, well, it usually is, but you seem like a woman who knows how

to get what she wants. What's taken you so long?

There's this guy in the office. He does my head in!

Right.

And this guy, does he, erm, know how you feel?

-I hope not.

-Does he like you?

Does it matter?

Of course it matters.

Shouldn't you at least try and talk to him?

It might be your last chance.

I just can't get my head round it.

She wants us in Rio for New Year.

What, and you'd rather be here running some crappy student bar?

I'd like some say in the decision, that's all.

She'll have your tackle in a vice if you back out.

I'm quite capable of standing up to her.

Brad, I've booked you in for travel jabs at the campus surgery.

Quarter to six.

Got that?

Yeah, babe. Thanks.

What are you smirking at?

Nothing.

It's just going to be weird not having you around, that's all.

Yeah, right! You'll be singing "Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead"

as soon as I'm out the door!

Maybe.

It won't be the same.

We have had our moments, haven't we?

It will be odd not having someone to spar with after all these years.

So, what are you trying to say?

You'll miss me?

You're joking, or what?

I won't miss the earache,

and you won't miss Birmingham from your sun lounger.

Do you know who they've got to replace you?

A younger model, hopefully.

Yeah, well, I'd best leave her a note to avoid the staff bogs,

hadn't I?

You do that.

Biggest mistake of my life.

Really?

I hardly felt a thing.

Thanks, Moneypenny!

You're welcome, Glenda!

That's nice.

Thanks, Gok. I'm glad you approve.

I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to upset you.

Karen...

I didn't know you very well, but you always seemed happy to me.

You and Rob, you seemed happy.

I don't think you should throw all that away

until you've had a chance to remember what it felt like.

If only I could.

You will do. I promise.

Friends?

Besides, the two of you have got kids.

You've got responsibilities to their feelings as well.

Do you know what, Al?

Instead of lecturing me, you should be learning from me!

I've had a wake-up call. Maybe you need one as well!

I do?

Yeah, you! With your computer games and your internet whatsits.

It just so happens that I have a very busy social life.

I'm out for drinks tonight with Jimmi.

Boys' night out?

Not exclusively. Want to come?

I don't think so!

Why not? Worried that you'll step on our style?

Er, I don't think so!

Come on! It'll be a laugh.

But I wanted a cocktail at the Costa Verde.

Costa Verde is a dive.

Come for a drink with me and Cassius!

I'll even buy you a packet of pork scratchings.

That's an offer I can't refuse!

Have a great time, then.

I intend to.

I wouldn't give up the day job if I were you, Dr Reid.

Your relationship advice stinks.

Why? What happened?

I tried telling Glen how I feel about him.

He threw it straight back in my face.

Oh, I'm...I'm sorry.

Oh, don't worry about it.

It's only strengthened my resolve.

Hopefully I'll never have to see his face again after tonight.

Well, if you're sure that's what you want.

DOORBELL CHIMES

(Give me strength.)

-Zara!

-Valerie.

Come in.

Oh, this is lovely!

Now, before we start,

this is not the actual dress that I'll be wearing for the show.

This is just a rehearsal skirt.

Thanks for clearing that up.

-Are you going to get changed?

-Why?

Well, you might want something more baggy,

something you can move around in.

I'll be just fine, thank you.

Oh! First things first - this is for you.

Just a little something for having me over.

Lambrusco!

Thank you.

And I've got presents for Daniel and Joe.

Where is little Joe?

I managed to get him down early

so we can get this over with as soon as possible.

Oh! Someone's keen!

I'll just grab my script.

Now, are you sure I can't twist your arm to go to this party?

-No!

-I'll go.

You've changed your tune.

There's somebody there I'd like to see,

and if I don't it'll just bug me all night.

-Who?

-Merry Christmas.

MUSIC: "Feed The World" by Band Aid

Jill?

Don't have the buffet. It's probably horse meat!

How were your jabs? Mine hurt like hell!

I didn't have them.

I made you the appointment!

It's too fast, Jill.

I'm not ready to make the move. Not like this.

You should be thanking me for the opportunity to get out of this dump!

The opportunity's for you, not me.

So what are you saying?

I'm sorry.

Here's your ticket.

If you really cared about me, you wouldn't be doing this.

That's just it.

I don't care.

Not really.

You're the one who's not happy with your life, Jill, not me.

Good luck, yeah?

I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

Is this really necessary?

Beryl Reid said that when she was creating a character,

the most important thing to get right was the shoes.

OK.

These are Christian Louboutin.

You so much as scuff them and I will kill you.

You're so funny!

I swear, sometimes I don't know if you're joking or not!

Right - shall we go from my line again?

"Please say you feel the same way as me."

We've already done that bit three times!

Yeah, but I'm having a real problem with my motivation.

Valerie, it's Cinderella.

Boy meets girl, girl gets a make-over,

boy discovers girl is a peasant, but who cares

because she's got great shoes and they all live happily ever after!

I think you're simplifying that a little bit.

Glen?

What are you doing in here?

Writing my resignation.

Why?

I tried talking to Jill and she chucked it back in my face.

She can go to hell for all I care!

Well, I don't see how resigning is going to help.

I can't work here if she's leaving.

So stop her! For goodness' sake!

She blew it.

What's that?

Her leaving card. I forced everyone to sign it.

I can't believe you're going to let it end like this.

She's not interested.

Really?

That was from the first Christmas party.

You know the one that we ended up in the...

Yes, I passed it on the way in.

I think you may have set a trend.

Why would she keep it?

Why does anybody keep a photograph like that?

Because she feels the same way! Isn't it obvious?

That gin's gone straight to my head!

Steady on, eh, Karen?

Al, you sound like my dad!

-Good crowd in tonight.

-Yeah.

So how are the panto rehearsals going?

-Yeah, good.

-Can't wait to see you in drag!

It's not pretty. I look like someone's mad auntie.

Anyway, how's Howard? Is he keeping you busy?

He's giving me loads of pointless admin to do. I hate it.

He's just trying to ease you back in slowly.

Yeah, but, Jimmi, I like a challenge.

Anyway, I might pack it all in. I might go back to college,

start over again.

Don't do anything rash.

Will you give it a rest?!

Right, my round. Same again?

-Thanks.

-I'll give you a hand.

Anyone we know?

He's from the station.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Back in a minute.

Erm... Sorry, can I get two pints of that one,

and a gin and tonic, please? Sorry, were you first?

-It's all right, darling, after you.

-Thank you.

Shall I read in the stage directions?

If you absolutely must.

Prince Charming takes Cinderella to the seat...

..and she tries on the slipper.

When that fits, he gives her the other slipper.

And then there's a fanfare and everyone cheers. Hooray!

-DOOR CLOSES

-That must be Daniel.

He must be finished by now.

Valerie! What the hell?! Get off!

Good grief! I thought this was a kids' show.

That is not in the script!

I know, but I do think that we would kiss.

It just felt right.

We've already kissed once at the ball.

She has got a good point, Zara. You don't want the audience to feel short-changed.

-Shall we do it again?

-No!

Vino, anyone?

-No!

-Yes, please.

-I'll pour?

Dave? Have you seen Jill anywhere?

Sorry, mate, I haven't seen her.

KNOCK ON DOOR

< Jill?

< I need to talk to you! I know you're in there!

BANGING ON DOOR

< Jill, open the door! Please?

I've been looking for you everywhere. What's going on?

I dumped Brad.

He was useless in bed anyway.

Like I was all those years ago?

You weren't all that bad really.

Thanks. Now you tell me!

If you must know...

No-one made me feel like you did.

Don't think I've seen you in here before, have I?

Don't ask me. I can't remember what I did last week!

I think I'd remember.

I'm Karen, by the way.

Phil.

Is this your local?

-How are you getting on? I'll get these.

-It's my round!

You can get the next one. Evening.

All right.

-Nice talking to you.

-Likewise.

Can I have a pint, please, love?

I was in the middle of a conversation!

Sorry.

Where's Jimmi?

He thought he recognised someone from the station.

MUSIC: "Only You" by Alison Moyet

Don't even think about it.

Anybody want any more wine?

I've had quite enough, thank you.

So, Daniel, what did you buy? Anything for Zara?

Oh, little bits and pieces.

-Let's see.

-Zara...

You said you weren't going to spoil Joe!

Oh, but, Zara, just think of his little face

all lighting up on Christmas Day!

I'd give anything to see that.

So would Ashley. He's ever so good with kids.

What a shame you can't be here.

We can if you like. We haven't got any plans.

-Sorry?

-What time would you like us?

-Time? When?

-Christmas Day.

-Oh, after you.

-Thanks.

Oh! Oh, sorry.

-It's, erm, out of order.

-No worries.

Who was your friend?

Just a mate.

Oh! You should have invited him over to join us.

Yeah, he's waiting for someone.

Where do you know him from?

What is this? 20 questions?

Al says you know him from down the station.

Is that why he's staring at me?

If he's a friend of Rob's, maybe he knows you?

So why didn't he introduce himself?

I want to know what's going on, Jimmi.

Rob's worried about you.

I knew it! He's sent his mate to spy on me.

I told you he's a total creep!

He's not, he's your husband and he loves you.

-He's just looking out for you.

-Bull!

-Where are you going?

Can I have a lift, please? Back to my cell.

And I'm just going to pop to the ladies' first,

if that's all right with you and the local constabulary!

Hiya.

Hello again.

-Can I borrow your pen?

-Sure.

Give me a call some time.

Great, I will.

-Bye.

-Bye.

I've got a really brilliant idea.

-What?

-I'm going to buy decorations and I'm going to put them up

and I'm going to turn the house into a Christmas grotto!

I quite like it how it is.

Clare?

-Can you come into the office? Quick chat?

-OK.

Have you looked at the Wiki site yet?

No. I've been too busy.

Yes!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd