Hamstrung Doctors


Hamstrung

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Do you know what time they emptied them last week? Shocking.

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Seven o'clock sharp, they used to come...

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Well, of all the cheek!

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The infernal machine! Every appointment was a mess,

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and the noise was unbearable!

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How very disappointing.

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Well, I can assure you, I will be having very strong words with the company.

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-Although when I will have time today, I do not know.

-How do you mean?

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There is a crisis at the church that requires my urgent attention.

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If you do not mind, could you take calls, just for an hour?

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Well, I would if I could.

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But I cannot leave the church.

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I'll do it.

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Cover the phones.

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Well... Well, no, I could not ask.

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He's got me stuck here doing figures, anyway.

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That is very kind, Dr Carmichael.

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I insist!

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You know I'm not one to interfere, Paul.

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Never have been, never will be.

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But don't you think it's time you put your foot down?

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They're just kids.

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Well, then, they should have more respect.

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When we were their age, we had better things to do

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than hang around in the street chucking rubbish about.

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Yeah, well, we were lucky.

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No, don't make excuses for them!

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We didn't have half the stuff they've got nowadays!

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Well, it was only a can, to be fair.

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No. It's a downright cheek, that's what it is!

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Yes, and the moment you start ranting and raving,

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that's when they've won. Believe me, I know.

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You know your trouble, don't you? You're too soft by half.

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You're letting them take advantage of your good nature.

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Oh, I don't know about that.

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Think they can do just as they like.

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Get away with murder!

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I'd like a word with you, please.

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Say what?

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What do you think you're doing?

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Picking on that poor man all the time?

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You should be ashamed of yourselves, you nasty little so-and-sos.

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What's he ever done to you, eh?

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So you just leave him be from now on, do you hear?

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-Or we'll call the police.

-Ooh!

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-Is that right?

-I'm warning you. Once more!

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I can't believe you haven't had that fixed yet.

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I've brought the swelling down.

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-What do you think a dentist would say?

-It's not my field.

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Mrs Tembe's very grateful.

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Oh, there's no need.

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It's very kind of you, I must say.

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I don't mind in the least. I'm only too glad to help out.

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Don't look at me like that, Howard!

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Haven't I always been a team player?

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MUTTERING

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Hey! Pack that in.

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All right, that's enough!

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Oi!

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What is wrong with you?!

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-Come on, then!

-Will you stop?!

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-Paul?

-Agh!

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Aw!

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You want to start doing some exercise, bruv.

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Right, you just get away! The rest of you, clear off!

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Look at the state of this place, eh?

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-Come on.

-Agh!

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You want to get cleaned up, mate. Get your act together!

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Can you manage to the car?

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Some of us have to live here, you know!

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I'm afraid you've torn your hamstring. It's probably Grade 1.

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I could feel something go.

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Just remember, RICE. Rest, ice, compression, elevation

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for two to three weeks, and a support bandage will help.

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Great.

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So were you jogging, or..?

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Chasing about in the street, I'm afraid.

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Like some silly old fool.

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How come?

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Oh, just some kids being a pain.

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My own fault for taking the bait.

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Should have known better, in my job.

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Which is?

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Was. Social worker.

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Ah. You'll probably need some painkillers, too.

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Brilliant. More tablets.

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Dr Granger is a very good doctor.

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Excuse me. Is Howard about?

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Right, well, this is all your fault, you know. It's typical!

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-Sorry?

-Those yobbos, hurting my friend.

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What yobbos are they?

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That boy, Calvin what'sisname.

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I've seen him in the Gazette, shoplifting and fighting

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and carrying on!

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So why can't you just lock him up, eh? Once and for all?

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It's ridiculous! It's always the same!

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Well, if somebody had made a complaint...

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-Well, I'm making one now.

-All right.

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That poor chap. He's an absolute gentleman, he really is.

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But never a day goes by when he gets any peace.

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And now look at him, in here!

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Right, so are you saying there's been an assault?

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Well, as good as!

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How long has it been since you retired?

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Oh, er, three years ago now, coming up.

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And you're finding it hard to cope, not working?

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Well, I wasn't exactly coping before. That's why I left.

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Anything specific?

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Oh, just the usual. All those people out there suffering.

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-But then you'd know that.

-Hm.

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Then the money being cut every year.

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Paperwork, politics, who's next for the chop.

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I just couldn't stand it any more.

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Hm. Well, can't say I blame you, if that's how you felt.

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No, I shouldn't have just given up, cut and run.

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I mean, what good am I doing now, eh? Me or anyone else?

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Have you considered going back at all? Part-time, maybe?

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-Not an option.

-Something else, then?

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Mm, now, what did they offer me last time? Charity shop and lollipop man.

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Ouch.

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I know you're right.

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I'm just a sad old man who needs to get out more.

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Well, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself there.

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Am I?

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Don't get me wrong, live and let live, that's what I say.

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But they've just got no respect nowadays, have they?

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But don't you worry. I told him straight.

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We want something done about it.

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-Who?

-That policeman in there.

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-What?!

-He said he'd send someone round.

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But you had no right to do that!

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But when that'll be...

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It's none of your business!

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So just keep out of it from now on, OK?

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Aaaagh!

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Ah!

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Yeah. I need a dentist appointment.

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Dr Al Haskey.

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1st April, 1976.

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My last appointment? Um, it was about 1987.

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You can fit me in that soon?

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No. No, no, I can't make that.

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Hi, Chris, it's Al.

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Your bike - does it have a tool kit?

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And for hold, you press here.

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-Uh-huh.

-And this for transfer.

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-Got it.

-Well, once you have keyed in the extension.

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I am all over it.

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What's going on?

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Dr Carmichael has offered to answer the phone.

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Amazing.

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Hm. Now, if you have any problems, please just give me a call.

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Absolutely, I will.

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I know what you're up to.

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-Go away!

-Yeah.

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And if you do not mind me asking,

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how is poor Mr Chandley?

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He's sore.

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Oh, it is such a shame.

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Those hooligans are making his life a misery.

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It is always the nicest people who suffer!

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Is it really that bad?

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According to his neighbour, he cannot step outside his front door.

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He is like a prisoner in his own home.

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All right, Calvin? What's going on?

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-Nothing.

-What are you doing here?

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-It's a free country, isn't it?

-What happened this morning?

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You tell me.

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Look, you could end up back in court, because of your record.

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-What for?!

-Anti-social behaviour. Harassment.

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It's me who's being harassed!

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And you're 18 now, aren't yeah? So no more Young Offenders.

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It would be prison next time.

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Go on.

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Get going.

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Go on!

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Hello?

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Mr Chandley?

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Hello, Mr Chandley, it's the police.

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Can we have a word?

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NERVOUS GASPS

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-Ah!

-HE GASPS

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Oh, come on!

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-CRUNCH!

-Agh!

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SCREAMS OF PAIN

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-Oh...!

-Agh! Agh!

-Have you completely lost it?!

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-I really, really don't like dentists!

-Yeah, you're not kidding!

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That makes no sense! You can't just go pulling your own teeth out!

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-You need medical attention!

-No, wait, wait!

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-I can feel it moving.

-Here.

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Agh... She's coming.

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-Agh!

-Oh, just get on with it, will you?

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-HE SPITS, TOOTH RATTLES

-There's half of it.

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We could get some of that stuff from the chemist? Stick it back on.

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Hi. Yeah, I need an emergency appointment, please.

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Or some superglue!

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Monday, that's great. What time?

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Iris...

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I'm sorry.

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I didn't mean to seem ungrateful.

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SHE SIGHS Well, I know you're in pain.

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But that's no excuse. Sorry.

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Well, I'm going to the shops, if you need anything.

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-Well, I should've stopped off at the chemist, actually.

-Come on.

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TELEPHONE RINGS

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Mill Health Centre, how can I help you?

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Oh, hi, Heston.

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Yeah, of course, it's me!

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Howard? I'll put you through.

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-RINGING

-Mill Health Centre?

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I'm sorry?

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I'm sorry, Mr Kubot? Yes, what seems to be the trouble?

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Trou-ble? Troub... Hold on, hold on.

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Heston?

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No, I can assure you that that WAS the right extens...

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-Oh, actually, silly me.

-RINGING

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Mill Health Centre, could you go on hold for a moment?

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Thank you. ..Hello, Mr Kubot?

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-Er, hello?

-RINGING

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Mill Health Cent...? Heston!

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There is no need for that kind of language, Heston! Hold on!

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Hello? Mr Kubo... Mrs?

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Rammage? Hi.

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Er, I'm afraid you can't have an appointment with her.

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She left the practice some time ago.

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But I could fit you in with Dr Carmichael.

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I can assure you that she is a very fine doctor!

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Oh, hold on.

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Heston?! Mr Kubot!

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No!

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-Now, mind the step.

-It's just such a nuisance.

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Now, you go and sit down and I'll just put these away.

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-No, you don't need to...

-How about a nice cup of tea?

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Do you take sugar?

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Oh...

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Paul?

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Paul!

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Your back window's wide...

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Oh, good grief!

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-I'm calling the police.

-No, don't. There's no need.

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Paul, he's broken in!

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This is between me and Calvin.

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-But there's glass all over the place!

-Yes, and I'll deal with it myself!

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Without any help from you or the police or anyone else!

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Now do I make myself clear?

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Just leave us alone.

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-But...

-Thank you, Iris!

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MRS TEMBE GASPS

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-Were there many calls?

-Oh, just one or two.

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-Oh, I am so sorry. Thank you.

-You might want to ring him back.

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Mr Kubot.

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-Everything took a lot longer than expected.

-Oh, how awful!

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Mrs Plunkett forgot her keys. Again!

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Well, I thought maybe we'd pop along.

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You know, sometimes, I think it would be easier if I did everything myself!

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We could bring Joe too. Maybe this Sunday? To church.

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I beg your pardon?!

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Oh, well, I know that I don't seem like the churchgoing type,

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but there is something about having a child

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that just changes everything.

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All that innocence. It's so sacred.

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It really puts one in touch with one's fundamental...

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spirituality, and plus I think it would be awfully good for Joe,

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especially after all the problems that we've been through,

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to set him on the right track and give him the right moral framework.

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Wouldn't you agree?

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Mrs Tembe?

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-Well...yes, of course, but...

-So what time does it start?

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Well, we, we, we do a lot of activities for families...

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I'm sure.

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There is a Bible reading class and the minibus trip in the summer.

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-And arts and crafts.

-Well, that's wonderful,

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because Joe just adores playing with glue!

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Well, I will get you some information.

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Wonderful.

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HE GRUNTS

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Didn't think you'd have the bottle?

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To do what?

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Call the cops.

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I didn't.

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So was it her, then, was it?

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You do know you could go to prison for this - breaking in here?

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She's a bit old for you, though, isn't she?

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So what is it? Money?

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By about 50 years!

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Look, if you've got something, to say, then fine, go ahead.

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But I'm sick and tired of all the...

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threatening and bullying. Do you hear me?

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All right, then.

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Why?

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-Why what?

-Why?!

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It was a long time ago, Calvin. You know I didn't mean to hurt you.

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Well, you got what you wanted, didn't you? When I resigned?

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What more could I possibly do?

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So it was just me, then, yeah?

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-Well, you know it was.

-None of the other kids in the home?

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Calvin, I swear to you. I swear!

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And I am sorry, OK?

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More than you'll ever know.

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So let's see, then, shall we?

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LAPTOP BEEPS

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IT STARTS UP

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Hmm. Er, Reverend Marchant will be so pleased. A new family.

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Bringing them into the fold.

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They don't seem very churchified to me.

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Er, yes, well, they have not always been angels in the past.

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-But motherhood can change a woman, you know.

-Really?

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Oh, I do hope Dr Granger joins them.

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Ah...

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As you asked for. SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

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Now, Holy Communion is at 9:30 during the week and ten o'clock on Sunday,

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-with a special family service...

-Great!

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..on the fourth week of every month.

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Now, Little Joe will enjoy this. It is less formal.

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That's absolutely wonderful. Thank you very much.

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MOUSE CLICKS

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Boys...

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girls...

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-It doesn't matter to you, does it?

-MOUSE CLICKING CONTINUES

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And there was me thinking I was special.

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Fine.

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Take it to the police, then.

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Do what you want.

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Courts, newspapers, whatever.

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Hey...we'll both be famous.

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Seriously, it's your call.

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If you want all your mates to know everything.

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I'm past caring, mate, I really am.

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Yeah...that's me.

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Career down the toilet,

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living off pills just to keep myself sane.

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Look, I know I've hurt you, Calvin, and I'm sorry, but...

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..ask yourself, will you? Can you really blame me

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for everything that's gone wrong in your life?

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I'm still there for you, OK? Anything you want.

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I want nothing off you!

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Well, in that case, maybe it's time to move on.

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Draw a line under the past. For your own sake, not mine.

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Oh, it's just so sad, it really is.

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I know how hard it is, Calvin.

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Having this secret.

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Our secret.

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All these...

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mixed-up feelings.

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Not being able to share them with anyone.

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But it's true. I...

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I love you.

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I always will.

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And is there anyone else in the world

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who can say that to you right now? And mean it?

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-What are you doing?

-Take them.

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-What are you talking about?

-The lot!

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Dr Granger?

0:20:400:20:41

Oh, thank goodness!

0:20:410:20:43

You were supposed to help me, weren't you?

0:20:480:20:51

What made you think you could do that to me?

0:20:510:20:53

You're such scum!

0:20:540:20:56

Make you feel big, does it? Making little kids do that?

0:20:570:21:00

No, it doesn't!

0:21:000:21:02

I...I don't care.

0:21:020:21:04

Look, I just want you to die!

0:21:040:21:06

Because that's what it's going to look like.

0:21:060:21:09

Like you've just realised how disgusting you are!

0:21:090:21:14

-HE LAUGHS:

-I shouldn't even have to be forcing you!

0:21:140:21:18

You should've done this yourself a long time ago!

0:21:180:21:20

-I know, I know!

-But you don't have no shame, do you? Eh?

0:21:200:21:24

You're just an animal! You don't deserve to live another day!

0:21:240:21:27

I know, I know!

0:21:270:21:29

Well, there you go, then.

0:21:290:21:31

Go on!

0:21:310:21:34

OK, I will, I will! I just need some water!

0:21:360:21:39

I would've rung them there and then.

0:21:440:21:46

But then... I'm never one to interfere.

0:21:460:21:49

It's heartbreaking, though, it really is. A lovely, decent man like him.

0:21:490:21:53

-To a fault!

-OK.

0:21:530:21:55

-One thing I do know - there's something not right.

-OK.

0:21:550:21:58

-Be careful, he's still in there!

-OK, thank you.

0:21:580:22:03

KNOCKING ON FRONT DOOR, GLASS THUDS

0:22:080:22:11

Mr Chandley?

0:22:110:22:12

HE COUGHS AND SPITS, PILLS RATTLE

0:22:140:22:17

-Don't you move! Ssh!

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

0:22:170:22:20

Mr Chandley? Is everything all right in there?

0:22:200:22:23

Not one word?

0:22:230:22:24

-Agh!

-Come 'ere!

0:22:270:22:30

Look, shut your mouth, will you?

0:22:300:22:31

-Argh!

-Oh!

0:22:310:22:33

Just shut your mouth!

0:22:340:22:36

-What is...?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come here!

0:22:360:22:39

-He's lost his mind! He tried to kill me!

-Don't!

0:22:390:22:41

He broke in. He must be on drugs or something.

0:22:410:22:44

OK, I'm calling the police.

0:22:440:22:46

Yeah? Well, show them this, then, why don't you?

0:22:460:22:48

Go on! It's his.

0:22:480:22:50

-That's not mine.

-See what he's like?

0:22:500:22:52

Sergeant Hollins, please.

0:22:540:22:55

-Nah, forget it!

-Give it back.

-What are they going to do, eh?!

0:22:560:23:00

Send him on some nice holiday while I get proper sent down?

0:23:000:23:03

-No way!

-There's no choice.

-Is that right?

0:23:030:23:05

-Do you know what that man did to me?

-No.

0:23:150:23:18

-And now I'm going to be shamed even more?

-It won't be like that.

0:23:180:23:21

So what about all those other kids on there? Or don't they count?

0:23:210:23:25

You're just a kid, right? So you're used to being told what to do.

0:23:250:23:28

Anything they say, you just go along with it.

0:23:280:23:31

But have you seen the look on their faces, all those blokes down there?

0:23:310:23:34

When they get what they want?

0:23:340:23:37

It's like they're smiling, laughing at you.

0:23:370:23:40

Like you're nothing.

0:23:400:23:42

-Less than nothing!

-Right.

0:23:420:23:44

I just, er, I don't want you to throw your life away, all right?

0:23:440:23:48

Nah.

0:23:480:23:49

He's dead.

0:23:490:23:51

-Get out of my way.

-I'm a dad, right. I've got two kids!

0:23:510:23:54

And I feel exactly the same. But this isn't our decision to make.

0:23:540:23:59

So what? I have to shut up and take it?

0:23:590:24:01

Again?!

0:24:010:24:02

I know it hurts, right...

0:24:020:24:04

-But that...that isn't going to take the pain away, is it?

-No?

0:24:050:24:09

-That gets you 20 years in prison.

-CRIES OF PAIN

0:24:090:24:11

That way, he wins. All right?

0:24:110:24:12

He'll have you trapped inside for the rest of your life. Just...

0:24:120:24:15

Just put it down.

0:24:170:24:19

I'm warning you, all right? Don't think I won't!

0:24:190:24:21

LOUD THUDS >

0:24:210:24:24

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

0:24:250:24:26

-Give that to me!

-No! Please!

-Give that to me!

0:24:260:24:29

Wait, wait!

0:24:290:24:31

-All right, all right!

-Please!

-All right, it's finished.

0:24:310:24:35

Look! Look at his face!

0:24:350:24:37

OK? He's not laughing any more, is he?

0:24:380:24:42

Is he?!

0:24:420:24:43

KNIFE CLATTERS, MOBILE PHONE DIALS

0:24:460:24:48

Police, please.

0:24:490:24:50

VOICES ON POLICE RADIO

0:24:540:24:56

Hmm!

0:24:580:25:00

What are you doing?!

0:25:040:25:06

You can't treat him like that!

0:25:060:25:08

He hasn't done anything wrong! Are you listening?

0:25:080:25:11

CAR DOOR CLOSES Oh, this is...

0:25:110:25:12

This is ridiculous!

0:25:120:25:14

He's the victim!

0:25:140:25:16

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

0:25:160:25:18

ENGINE STARTS

0:25:240:25:26

Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways, but...

0:25:360:25:41

"There will be more rejoicing in Heaven over one sinner who repents."

0:25:410:25:46

So little Joe's coming too, is he?

0:25:460:25:48

Well...

0:25:480:25:50

"Suffer little children to come unto me."

0:25:500:25:52

Mmm, "suffer" being the word.

0:25:520:25:55

I beg your pardon?

0:25:550:25:57

Well, you see it every Sunday, don't you?

0:25:570:25:59

You know, parents queuing at the door, dragging them in.

0:25:590:26:02

-Kicking and screaming, half of them.

-It did me no harm, I can assure you.

0:26:020:26:07

Well, come five or six-year-old... different story, isn't it?

0:26:070:26:12

-You don't see 'em for dust.

-Or the parents.

-And your point is?

0:26:120:26:15

Well, this sudden conversion, seeing the light?

0:26:150:26:18

Believe me, it does happen.

0:26:180:26:21

To Zara?!

0:26:210:26:22

-Well, I'm sorry for being cynical, Mrs...

-Exactly!

0:26:240:26:27

And that is the whole problem with the world today.

0:26:270:26:30

But just stop for a minute.

0:26:300:26:32

Think about it. You think there could be, possibly,

0:26:320:26:36

some kind of ulterior motive going on here?

0:26:360:26:39

Something perhaps to do with...

0:26:390:26:42

Well, I don't know.

0:26:420:26:44

..schools?

0:26:440:26:45

So that is her little game!

0:26:550:26:58

What happens off piste, stays off piste, right?

0:27:020:27:05

I know.

0:27:050:27:06

-What are you wearing?

-Birthday suit.

0:27:060:27:09

To church, Daniel!

0:27:090:27:10

If you want to report this crime, then you need to listen.

0:27:100:27:13

No, YOU listen!

0:27:130:27:14

-This is pointless.

-No, it is not!

0:27:140:27:17

Do you know who my father is?

0:27:180:27:20

I love a good hymn.

0:27:200:27:22

-So you just came for a singsong?

-No.

-Absolutely not!

0:27:220:27:25

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