Hamstrung Doctors

Do you know what time they emptied them last week? Shocking.

Seven o'clock sharp, they used to come...

Well, of all the cheek!

The infernal machine! Every appointment was a mess,

and the noise was unbearable!

How very disappointing.

Well, I can assure you, I will be having very strong words with the company.

-Although when I will have time today, I do not know.

-How do you mean?

There is a crisis at the church that requires my urgent attention.

If you do not mind, could you take calls, just for an hour?

Well, I would if I could.

But I cannot leave the church.

I'll do it.

Cover the phones.

Well... Well, no, I could not ask.

He's got me stuck here doing figures, anyway.

That is very kind, Dr Carmichael.

I insist!

You know I'm not one to interfere, Paul.

Never have been, never will be.

But don't you think it's time you put your foot down?

They're just kids.

Well, then, they should have more respect.

When we were their age, we had better things to do

than hang around in the street chucking rubbish about.

Yeah, well, we were lucky.

No, don't make excuses for them!

We didn't have half the stuff they've got nowadays!

Well, it was only a can, to be fair.

No. It's a downright cheek, that's what it is!

Yes, and the moment you start ranting and raving,

that's when they've won. Believe me, I know.

You know your trouble, don't you? You're too soft by half.

You're letting them take advantage of your good nature.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Think they can do just as they like.

Get away with murder!

I'd like a word with you, please.

Say what?

What do you think you're doing?

Picking on that poor man all the time?

You should be ashamed of yourselves, you nasty little so-and-sos.

What's he ever done to you, eh?

So you just leave him be from now on, do you hear?

-Or we'll call the police.

-Ooh!

-Is that right?

-I'm warning you. Once more!

I can't believe you haven't had that fixed yet.

I've brought the swelling down.

-What do you think a dentist would say?

-It's not my field.

Mrs Tembe's very grateful.

Oh, there's no need.

It's very kind of you, I must say.

I don't mind in the least. I'm only too glad to help out.

Don't look at me like that, Howard!

Haven't I always been a team player?

MUTTERING

Hey! Pack that in.

All right, that's enough!

Oi!

What is wrong with you?!

-Come on, then!

-Will you stop?!

-Paul?

-Agh!

Aw!

You want to start doing some exercise, bruv.

Right, you just get away! The rest of you, clear off!

Look at the state of this place, eh?

-Come on.

-Agh!

You want to get cleaned up, mate. Get your act together!

Can you manage to the car?

Some of us have to live here, you know!

I'm afraid you've torn your hamstring. It's probably Grade 1.

I could feel something go.

Just remember, RICE. Rest, ice, compression, elevation

for two to three weeks, and a support bandage will help.

Great.

So were you jogging, or..?

Chasing about in the street, I'm afraid.

Like some silly old fool.

How come?

Oh, just some kids being a pain.

My own fault for taking the bait.

Should have known better, in my job.

Which is?

Was. Social worker.

Ah. You'll probably need some painkillers, too.

Brilliant. More tablets.

Dr Granger is a very good doctor.

Excuse me. Is Howard about?

Right, well, this is all your fault, you know. It's typical!

-Sorry?

-Those yobbos, hurting my friend.

What yobbos are they?

That boy, Calvin what'sisname.

I've seen him in the Gazette, shoplifting and fighting

and carrying on!

So why can't you just lock him up, eh? Once and for all?

It's ridiculous! It's always the same!

Well, if somebody had made a complaint...

-Well, I'm making one now.

-All right.

That poor chap. He's an absolute gentleman, he really is.

But never a day goes by when he gets any peace.

And now look at him, in here!

Right, so are you saying there's been an assault?

Well, as good as!

How long has it been since you retired?

Oh, er, three years ago now, coming up.

And you're finding it hard to cope, not working?

Well, I wasn't exactly coping before. That's why I left.

Anything specific?

Oh, just the usual. All those people out there suffering.

-But then you'd know that.

-Hm.

Then the money being cut every year.

Paperwork, politics, who's next for the chop.

I just couldn't stand it any more.

Hm. Well, can't say I blame you, if that's how you felt.

No, I shouldn't have just given up, cut and run.

I mean, what good am I doing now, eh? Me or anyone else?

Have you considered going back at all? Part-time, maybe?

-Not an option.

-Something else, then?

Mm, now, what did they offer me last time? Charity shop and lollipop man.

Ouch.

I know you're right.

I'm just a sad old man who needs to get out more.

Well, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself there.

Am I?

Don't get me wrong, live and let live, that's what I say.

But they've just got no respect nowadays, have they?

But don't you worry. I told him straight.

We want something done about it.

-Who?

-That policeman in there.

-What?!

-He said he'd send someone round.

But you had no right to do that!

But when that'll be...

It's none of your business!

So just keep out of it from now on, OK?

Aaaagh!

Ah!

Yeah. I need a dentist appointment.

Dr Al Haskey.

1st April, 1976.

My last appointment? Um, it was about 1987.

You can fit me in that soon?

No. No, no, I can't make that.

Hi, Chris, it's Al.

Your bike - does it have a tool kit?

And for hold, you press here.

-Uh-huh.

-And this for transfer.

-Got it.

-Well, once you have keyed in the extension.

I am all over it.

What's going on?

Dr Carmichael has offered to answer the phone.

Amazing.

Hm. Now, if you have any problems, please just give me a call.

Absolutely, I will.

I know what you're up to.

-Go away!

-Yeah.

And if you do not mind me asking,

how is poor Mr Chandley?

He's sore.

Oh, it is such a shame.

Those hooligans are making his life a misery.

It is always the nicest people who suffer!

Is it really that bad?

According to his neighbour, he cannot step outside his front door.

He is like a prisoner in his own home.

All right, Calvin? What's going on?

-Nothing.

-What are you doing here?

-It's a free country, isn't it?

-What happened this morning?

You tell me.

Look, you could end up back in court, because of your record.

-What for?!

-Anti-social behaviour. Harassment.

It's me who's being harassed!

And you're 18 now, aren't yeah? So no more Young Offenders.

It would be prison next time.

Go on.

Get going.

Go on!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello?

Mr Chandley?

Hello, Mr Chandley, it's the police.

Can we have a word?

NERVOUS GASPS

-Ah!

-HE GASPS

Oh, come on!

-CRUNCH!

-Agh!

SCREAMS OF PAIN

-Oh...!

-Agh! Agh!

-Have you completely lost it?!

-I really, really don't like dentists!

-Yeah, you're not kidding!

That makes no sense! You can't just go pulling your own teeth out!

-You need medical attention!

-No, wait, wait!

-I can feel it moving.

-Here.

Agh... She's coming.

-Agh!

-Oh, just get on with it, will you?

-HE SPITS, TOOTH RATTLES

-There's half of it.

We could get some of that stuff from the chemist? Stick it back on.

Hi. Yeah, I need an emergency appointment, please.

Or some superglue!

Monday, that's great. What time?

Iris...

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to seem ungrateful.

SHE SIGHS Well, I know you're in pain.

But that's no excuse. Sorry.

Well, I'm going to the shops, if you need anything.

-Well, I should've stopped off at the chemist, actually.

-Come on.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Mill Health Centre, how can I help you?

Oh, hi, Heston.

Yeah, of course, it's me!

Howard? I'll put you through.

-RINGING

-Mill Health Centre?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry, Mr Kubot? Yes, what seems to be the trouble?

Trou-ble? Troub... Hold on, hold on.

Heston?

No, I can assure you that that WAS the right extens...

-Oh, actually, silly me.

-RINGING

Mill Health Centre, could you go on hold for a moment?

Thank you. ..Hello, Mr Kubot?

-Er, hello?

-RINGING

Mill Health Cent...? Heston!

There is no need for that kind of language, Heston! Hold on!

Hello? Mr Kubo... Mrs?

Rammage? Hi.

Er, I'm afraid you can't have an appointment with her.

She left the practice some time ago.

But I could fit you in with Dr Carmichael.

I can assure you that she is a very fine doctor!

Oh, hold on.

Heston?! Mr Kubot!

No!

-Now, mind the step.

-It's just such a nuisance.

Now, you go and sit down and I'll just put these away.

-No, you don't need to...

-How about a nice cup of tea?

Do you take sugar?

Oh...

Paul?

Paul!

Your back window's wide...

Oh, good grief!

-I'm calling the police.

-No, don't. There's no need.

Paul, he's broken in!

This is between me and Calvin.

-But there's glass all over the place!

-Yes, and I'll deal with it myself!

Without any help from you or the police or anyone else!

Now do I make myself clear?

Just leave us alone.

-But...

-Thank you, Iris!

MRS TEMBE GASPS

-Were there many calls?

-Oh, just one or two.

-Oh, I am so sorry. Thank you.

-You might want to ring him back.

Mr Kubot.

-Everything took a lot longer than expected.

-Oh, how awful!

Mrs Plunkett forgot her keys. Again!

Well, I thought maybe we'd pop along.

You know, sometimes, I think it would be easier if I did everything myself!

We could bring Joe too. Maybe this Sunday? To church.

I beg your pardon?!

Oh, well, I know that I don't seem like the churchgoing type,

but there is something about having a child

that just changes everything.

All that innocence. It's so sacred.

It really puts one in touch with one's fundamental...

spirituality, and plus I think it would be awfully good for Joe,

especially after all the problems that we've been through,

to set him on the right track and give him the right moral framework.

Wouldn't you agree?

Mrs Tembe?

-Well...yes, of course, but...

-So what time does it start?

Well, we, we, we do a lot of activities for families...

I'm sure.

There is a Bible reading class and the minibus trip in the summer.

-And arts and crafts.

-Well, that's wonderful,

because Joe just adores playing with glue!

Well, I will get you some information.

Wonderful.

HE GRUNTS

Didn't think you'd have the bottle?

To do what?

Call the cops.

I didn't.

So was it her, then, was it?

You do know you could go to prison for this - breaking in here?

She's a bit old for you, though, isn't she?

So what is it? Money?

By about 50 years!

Look, if you've got something, to say, then fine, go ahead.

But I'm sick and tired of all the...

threatening and bullying. Do you hear me?

All right, then.

Why?

-Why what?

-Why?!

It was a long time ago, Calvin. You know I didn't mean to hurt you.

Well, you got what you wanted, didn't you? When I resigned?

What more could I possibly do?

So it was just me, then, yeah?

-Well, you know it was.

-None of the other kids in the home?

Calvin, I swear to you. I swear!

And I am sorry, OK?

More than you'll ever know.

So let's see, then, shall we?

LAPTOP BEEPS

IT STARTS UP

Hmm. Er, Reverend Marchant will be so pleased. A new family.

Bringing them into the fold.

They don't seem very churchified to me.

Er, yes, well, they have not always been angels in the past.

-But motherhood can change a woman, you know.

-Really?

Oh, I do hope Dr Granger joins them.

Ah...

As you asked for. SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Now, Holy Communion is at 9:30 during the week and ten o'clock on Sunday,

-with a special family service...

-Great!

..on the fourth week of every month.

Now, Little Joe will enjoy this. It is less formal.

That's absolutely wonderful. Thank you very much.

MOUSE CLICKS

Boys...

girls...

-It doesn't matter to you, does it?

-MOUSE CLICKING CONTINUES

And there was me thinking I was special.

Fine.

Take it to the police, then.

Do what you want.

Courts, newspapers, whatever.

Hey...we'll both be famous.

Seriously, it's your call.

If you want all your mates to know everything.

I'm past caring, mate, I really am.

Yeah...that's me.

Career down the toilet,

living off pills just to keep myself sane.

Look, I know I've hurt you, Calvin, and I'm sorry, but...

..ask yourself, will you? Can you really blame me

for everything that's gone wrong in your life?

I'm still there for you, OK? Anything you want.

I want nothing off you!

Well, in that case, maybe it's time to move on.

Draw a line under the past. For your own sake, not mine.

Oh, it's just so sad, it really is.

I know how hard it is, Calvin.

Having this secret.

Our secret.

All these...

mixed-up feelings.

Not being able to share them with anyone.

But it's true. I...

I love you.

I always will.

And is there anyone else in the world

who can say that to you right now? And mean it?

-What are you doing?

-Take them.

-What are you talking about?

-The lot!

Dr Granger?

Oh, thank goodness!

You were supposed to help me, weren't you?

What made you think you could do that to me?

You're such scum!

Make you feel big, does it? Making little kids do that?

No, it doesn't!

I...I don't care.

Look, I just want you to die!

Because that's what it's going to look like.

Like you've just realised how disgusting you are!

-HE LAUGHS:

-I shouldn't even have to be forcing you!

You should've done this yourself a long time ago!

-I know, I know!

-But you don't have no shame, do you? Eh?

You're just an animal! You don't deserve to live another day!

I know, I know!

Well, there you go, then.

Go on!

OK, I will, I will! I just need some water!

I would've rung them there and then.

But then... I'm never one to interfere.

It's heartbreaking, though, it really is. A lovely, decent man like him.

-To a fault!

-OK.

-One thing I do know - there's something not right.

-OK.

-Be careful, he's still in there!

-OK, thank you.

KNOCKING ON FRONT DOOR, GLASS THUDS

Mr Chandley?

HE COUGHS AND SPITS, PILLS RATTLE

-Don't you move! Ssh!

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

Mr Chandley? Is everything all right in there?

Not one word?

-Agh!

-Come 'ere!

Look, shut your mouth, will you?

-Argh!

-Oh!

Just shut your mouth!

-What is...?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come here!

-He's lost his mind! He tried to kill me!

-Don't!

He broke in. He must be on drugs or something.

OK, I'm calling the police.

Yeah? Well, show them this, then, why don't you?

Go on! It's his.

-That's not mine.

-See what he's like?

Sergeant Hollins, please.

-Nah, forget it!

-Give it back.

-What are they going to do, eh?!

Send him on some nice holiday while I get proper sent down?

-No way!

-There's no choice.

-Is that right?

-Do you know what that man did to me?

-No.

-And now I'm going to be shamed even more?

-It won't be like that.

So what about all those other kids on there? Or don't they count?

You're just a kid, right? So you're used to being told what to do.

Anything they say, you just go along with it.

But have you seen the look on their faces, all those blokes down there?

When they get what they want?

It's like they're smiling, laughing at you.

Like you're nothing.

-Less than nothing!

-Right.

I just, er, I don't want you to throw your life away, all right?

Nah.

He's dead.

-Get out of my way.

-I'm a dad, right. I've got two kids!

And I feel exactly the same. But this isn't our decision to make.

So what? I have to shut up and take it?

Again?!

I know it hurts, right...

-But that...that isn't going to take the pain away, is it?

-No?

-That gets you 20 years in prison.

-CRIES OF PAIN

That way, he wins. All right?

He'll have you trapped inside for the rest of your life. Just...

Just put it down.

I'm warning you, all right? Don't think I won't!

LOUD THUDS >

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

-Give that to me!

-No! Please!

-Give that to me!

Wait, wait!

-All right, all right!

-Please!

-All right, it's finished.

Look! Look at his face!

OK? He's not laughing any more, is he?

Is he?!

KNIFE CLATTERS, MOBILE PHONE DIALS

Police, please.

VOICES ON POLICE RADIO

Hmm!

What are you doing?!

You can't treat him like that!

He hasn't done anything wrong! Are you listening?

CAR DOOR CLOSES Oh, this is...

This is ridiculous!

He's the victim!

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

ENGINE STARTS

Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways, but...

"There will be more rejoicing in Heaven over one sinner who repents."

So little Joe's coming too, is he?

Well...

"Suffer little children to come unto me."

Mmm, "suffer" being the word.

I beg your pardon?

Well, you see it every Sunday, don't you?

You know, parents queuing at the door, dragging them in.

-Kicking and screaming, half of them.

-It did me no harm, I can assure you.

Well, come five or six-year-old... different story, isn't it?

-You don't see 'em for dust.

-Or the parents.

-And your point is?

Well, this sudden conversion, seeing the light?

Believe me, it does happen.

To Zara?!

-Well, I'm sorry for being cynical, Mrs...

-Exactly!

And that is the whole problem with the world today.

But just stop for a minute.

Think about it. You think there could be, possibly,

some kind of ulterior motive going on here?

Something perhaps to do with...

Well, I don't know.

..schools?

So that is her little game!

What happens off piste, stays off piste, right?

I know.

-What are you wearing?

-Birthday suit.

To church, Daniel!

If you want to report this crime, then you need to listen.

No, YOU listen!

-This is pointless.

-No, it is not!

Do you know who my father is?

I love a good hymn.

-So you just came for a singsong?

-No.

-Absolutely not!