About the Boy Doctors

CAR STEREO PLAYS LOUD DANCE MUSIC

You all right, girls?

SHE SIGHS

Mrs Tembe, have you made all these for the kids?

I just wanted to make sure that there was enough to go around.

No, no!

Well, that is really kind of you. Thank you.

You down at the youth club again?

Yeah, I'm playing basketball this afternoon. I said I'd help out.

Oh, that's really nice. Is that Nikki going to be there?

She might be.

You asked her out yet?

-Nothing to do with you.

-Touchy!

He's got it bad! He's got it bad! He's...

Stop it. It's got nothing to do with that.

I bet you'd like there to be.

That's why you're down there all the time.

Just give her one of these, look her deep in the eyes and go,

-DEEP VOICE:

-"Baby. Baby, baby, baby. I'm you're man."

He's gone red! Look! He's gone red.

Dr Tyler, Nurse Reid does not need an ulterior motive.

He does what he does because he cares for the children.

It's very charitable of you, Chris.

Goodness comes from within, doesn't it, Mrs Tembe?

Indeed, Dr Granger. Indeed.

I'm not interested.

I only asked you how often you did it.

-A couple of times a week.

-That is not enough.

I'm doing it at least twice a day now.

-No wonder you wear glasses.

-Flossing!

-What?

He's hooked on flossing.

What did the dentist say?

Your teeth are all right but your gums have got to go.

-Very funny.

-So, you've finally got over your fear?

Derrick is an excellent dentist,

but he hasn't changed my opinion of the breed as a whole.

Why do they have to use a syringe that is literally

-the size of a knitting needle?

-Cos it has to go round corners.

You tell them a tooth hurts

and the first thing they do is prod at it with a piece of mental.

-The nurse had to hold him down.

-Shut up!

-Mock if you must,

but I don't like putting myself at the mercy of people who use

instruments of torture to pull out your teeth

and drill massive holes.

I mean, in a way, they are fracking in people's mouths.

Thanks for that, mate.

Listen, thanks for covering for me the other day.

I know you took a couple of my patients.

Any time, bro. Was it an emergency?

No, just having a bad day.

A patient made a complaint about me and then withdrew it, so...

How are we supposed to do our jobs

with all these Moaning Minnies breathing down our necks?

Yeah, I know but if patients have got a genuine grievance,

-then they've got to be able to complain, haven't they?

-No.

I've said it before and I'll say it again -

this would be a great job if it weren't for the patients.

Bet that's what Derrick said about you.

HE CHUCKLES

-Hiya.

-All right?

-I thought I'd come in early.

-Oh, you must be a glutton for punishment.

Not many people here, is there?

Maybe not all the schools are having teacher training.

Yeah, well, it's early yet. Oh, did you make these?

-No, the receptionist at work did them for half-time.

-Oh, wow.

-Nikki, would you...?

-Hi, Carl.

-Oh, are they new trainers?

-Yeah.

-They're lovely.

-You've got a little...

-What?

-Oh.

-I'll get it. There you go.

-Thank you.

-It's all right.

Prayer is a wonderful thing,

but she needs to be cured by you, Mrs Tembe.

What's come over him?

-Who?

-Him. Billy Graham(!) I think he's the second coming!

Faith is very important.

And one's belief can be a great comfort.

But Mrs Allen needs medical intervention for her bunions,

so, as a close and dear friend, I will speak to her.

Thank you.

-How's it going?

-Yeah, nearly done.

There's still a few missing.

It's all right, there's still time.

-Want a hand?

-I'm good, thanks, man.

-I've seen you here before.

-Yeah, I help out when I can.

-Don't you work then?

-Yeah, I'm a nurse.

Nurse?

Oh, go on, get your wise cracks out the way now.

You a bit...you know - one of them?

"One of them"? No.

Not that it matters, like.

Ellis, could you just check if anyone else is coming?

Laters, matron.

I've got an e-mail here from Lucinda here.

-She's invited us all to stay for the weekend.

-Mm?

Perhaps we could get away early, beat the evening rush.

-What rush?

-Traffic. To the Cotswolds...on Friday.

This weekend? We can't.

-Why not?

-Church.

We can't make a commitment one week,

-and then conveniently forget about it the next.

-But...

We promised the vicar. See you later.

When do you start your new job?

Two weeks. Yeah, the hostel manager's going to stay on for a few

more days just to show me the ropes.

I'm looking forward to it, but I'm going to miss this place.

Yeah, and the kids are going to miss you.

Not once they meet Sally, they'll forget all about me.

-Oh, she's lovely.

-Well, I'll miss you.

Thanks.

I've got some mates who live in up Leeds.

I'm going to go visit them soon, so maybe me and you can meet up.

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be lovely.

You can let me know what's been happening here.

We could go out before, if you want.

Lloyd and Luca can't make it. They've got other stuff going on.

Oh, right, so I'm two players down.

-What am I going to do?

-Leave it to me.

No way.

Please, mate, I'll owe you one.

I haven't got the time.

It's an hour, that's all, man. Just one hour.

You'll be back there before afternoon surgery starts. Promise.

I'd have to go home and get changed.

Don't worry about that,

Nikki'll have something in the office you can bung on.

Oh, I get it. You want me to make up the numbers

so you can impress Nikki.

I'm doing this for the kids.

Yeah, right. You're doing it so Nikki will say,

-HIGH VOICE:

-"Oh, Chris, you're my hero!"

Yeah...there is that.

Look, please, mate. Please. Everyone lets these kids down, man.

This means so much to them.

Their little faces will light up when they see you.

'Go on.'

Come on, Ellis!

Whoo!

Great stuff.

Beautiful!

WHISTLE BLOWS

CHEERING

That's it, guys!

Cheers for coming, bro.

Any time you want a whooping, I'm your man.

Yes, it's because of your age I let you win.

I didn't want to show you up in front of the kids.

Kids? They're men mountains, mate.

So, have you asked her out yet?

-No.

-Why not?

Well, because I haven't had a chance...

and I don't want her to say "no".

Man up. You never know, losers might turn her on.

Chris.

I'm really, really sorry.

That shouldn't have happened here. Chris, I'm so, so sorry.

Are you two...?

-He's a kid.

-Who're you calling a kid?

Watch your mouth, man. What's it got to do with you?

I need to talk to Nikki.

Who do you think you are, dishing out your orders?

Ellis, calm down. Just give us ten.

DOOR SLAMS

-You are way out of order.

-I didn't plan this to happen.

Are you going to tell anyone?

How old is he?

He's old enough to know what he's doing.

16.

How long's it been going on for?

Couple of months.

Have you slept with him?

I really... I don't want to talk about this with you.

Well, neither do I, but I've just witnessed something

that I should be reporting, so I need to know.

He's had other relationships. It wasn't like he was a virgin.

That makes no difference.

What are his parents going to say?

When he's here, they think that he's in a safe environment.

He doesn't know his parents. He's been in care since he was six.

He's still in care?

Nikki, what are you thinking?

Social Services could come down on you like a tonne of bricks.

Do you never let up? Do you know, before he met me

he'd run away from every care home he'd been to?

The police knew him by name.

Our friendship, it's given him stability.

-It's something he's never had before.

-Stability?!

What's he going to do when you move to Leeds?

He's coming with me.

KNOCKING

-Hi, Elisha.

-Hi. Could I give you this?

-Oh, thank you.

You were kidding, right?

Zara, like you, I'd like to go away.

I'd like to get away for a few days but we have other commitments.

But Joe loves Lucinda.

I'm sure he'll happily forego spending the weekend with

-a couple of alcoholics.

-Exaggeration.

Two wine shops have opened since they moved there.

Ha-ha(!) I seem to recall that the last time we were there

you spent the entire weekend in the wine cellar.

Look, I'm not judging, OK? Let he without sin cast the first stone.

If we want Joe to go to Heathdean then

we have to be regular church-goers.

And if that's what it's going to take, so be it.

It was your idea, sweetheart.

Thanks, Elisha. I'll give you a shout.

You can't let Ellis go with you.

Get real, Chris.

If I go without him, he's just going to run away again.

I can't stop him from following me and I don't want to.

This isn't about what either of you want.

He has to stay in care until he's 18.

Yeah, you just want him out of the way.

-What do you mean?

-You're jealous.

-Jealous of a kid with a crush.

-You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Ego's taken a bit of a bruising, has it?

All them extra hours you've put in here, waiting for, oh,

the right time to ask me out and it's all come to nothing.

I really don't think you should be allowed to work with children.

I can't believe you're even saying that.

I've dedicated my life to working with kids.

Yeah, and now, you're sleeping with one of them.

You're ten years older than him, Nikki.

He probably sees you as a mother figure.

HE INHALES SHARPLY

Can I help you?

Yes. My daughter has an appointment to see Dr Haskey. Felicity Henning.

Your appointment is not until 5.15.

Yes, I know, thank you. We like to be early.

Oh. Please, take a seat.

We've got ages yet.

We're here now.

And I want you to tell the doctor everything.

-There's nothing to tell.

-I know you're not well.

-You're not coming in with me, are you?

-Of course.

-Mum!

You're 14. If there's something wrong with you, I need to be told.

Mate, I'd hardly call this Ellis a kid.

He's still in care. That is why I've got to report it.

Got to or WANT to?

Why would I want to do that?

Sour grapes.

Me fancying Nikki has got nothing to do with this.

That is totally irrelevant.

So, why're you getting so worked up about it?

She's a youth worker, Kev. She's got to work with children next week.

I have got to do this by the book.

Have you spoken to him about it?

-No.

-Why not?

-I don't need to.

Mate, you're about to kick him in the teeth

and you can't even be bothered to talk to him.

He... He doesn't understand the implications of what he's doing.

OK, you're the one who always comes down on the side of the kids, right?

So, why don't you explain it to him?

I'm not the one who's a bad influence.

Bad influence? You say she turned him around.

Yeah, and we all know how.

Mate, I'm not saying she hasn't overstepped the mark, but...

It's your call.

Ellis, can I have a word?

This thing you've got going on with Nikki, it has got to stop.

Do you think I take notice of you?

Go and do one.

Is this you trying to be a grown-up?

Why can't you just leave us alone?

I can't do that.

When you work with children, you have a responsibility.

And I'm not just talking about Nikki, me as well.

Listen to yourself, man. Making excuses for sticking your nose in.

-We're not hurting anyone.

-Ellis, I get it. I really do, OK?

But if this gets out,

it is unlikely that Nikki will ever be able to work with kids again.

But she's done nothing wrong. It was me who made the first move,

me who kept wanting more, me who kept wanting to be with her.

-It's not right.

-What do you mean it's not right?

It's the first time in my life anyone's ever really cared about me.

-Ellis, you've got to understand...

-I ain't got no-one except her.

All my life, everyone thinks they know what's best for me.

They make their decisions and then they're out the door.

You? You're the same, man.

-I'm sorry.

-Nikki don't put me down, don't treat me like I'm dirt.

No-one's going to break us up. No-one.

And when I'm 16 I can do what I like.

"When"?

But she said...

HE SIGHS

You told me Ellis was 16.

He will be in a couple of months.

But that's not NOW, is it?!

By law, he is a child.

I have to report this to the police.

What're you going on about, man?

Ellis, you're underage.

Nikki could go to prison for having sex with you.

-No, you're lying.

-No, he isn't.

She tried to push me away. I forced myself on her.

No, you didn't, Ellis! Don't even dare say that you did.

I knew what I was doing.

And I wanted it to happen.

I'm the one who should've known better.

-So, why didn't you?

-Because...

..I love him.

I tried not to but you can't help the person you love, can you?

Are you going to report me?

Just end it now, and it'll stay with us.

I am trying to give you an out here

and it is up to you two whether you take it.

I'm going to be outside.

Look, after I've gone for a couple of weeks,

you can follow me and it'll be fine, OK?

Get real, will you? Forget it.

Ellis, just trust me. Just let the dust settle.

It'll be OK.

And what if you end up in prison like he said?

I won't.

Me, you?

It ain't worth it.

Ellis?

It was cool, you know.

But I think I want to stay around here. I like it.

-But you said...

-I like you, but you're in my face too much.

Get off me.

I don't need all this hassle right now. We're over.

-I don't believe you.

-I couldn't care less.

I'm my own man. I need my own space, and you're not in it.

You got me now?

DOOR SLAMS

SHE SOBS

So, are you guys hanging out tonight?

-Yeah, we'll be about later.

-OK.

HE SNIFFS

She hasn't been well for the last few weeks.

In what way?

Ill. Not her usual self.

OK. Can you be more specific?

Tired, moody, irritable.

Well, that just sounds like your average teenager.

And how many teenage children do you have, Dr Haskey?

-Sorry, I didn't mean...

-I know my own daughter.

Of course you do.

-So, Felicity.

-Fliss. People call me Fliss.

OK. Fliss, how long have you been...?

I began to notice the symptoms two, possibly three weeks ago.

Your mum says that you've been feeling tired.

She's normally a very active girl,

but recently she doesn't seem to have had any energy at all.

-OK. Fliss...

-And she's lost her appetite.

I eat more than you.

You're meant to at your age. You burn it off.

Lack of appetite, lethargy, her pallor, they're worrying symptoms.

-Symptoms?

-I've done some research,

-Oh, have you now?

-And I think it might be leukaemia.

HE SIGHS

And where exactly did you conduct this research?

On the internet. I wanted answers.

Even if they were the wrong ones?

Until you've examined my daughter, Dr Haskey,

I don't see how you can be so dismissive.

Look, the internet is a wonderful thing,

perhaps my most favourite of things,

but not when it comes to self-diagnosis.

It can give you false reassurance or scare the wits out of you.

In future, come to Dr Haskey, not Dr Websearch UK.

-She's always doing this.

-Fliss!

She worries about everything. She can't help it.

I worry about my family. It's perfectly normal.

Let's have a look-see, see if we can find something wrong.

Well, I wish I hadn't volunteered to come in today.

I'll see your name's down for DJ next week.

I won't be there.

I've decided I'm going to leave early for Leeds.

Nikki, I'm...I'm really sorry about what's happened.

No, you're not. You got what you wanted.

Now, we're all losers.

ENGINE STARTS

And she's not sleeping very well.

You normally complain that I spend half the day in bed.

Mrs Henning, can I suggest that you wait outside, please?

Why?

Because every time I ask Fliss a question, you answer.

No, I don't.

Can you back me up here, please?

Sorry.

Well, I'll just be...

Thank you.

She's really worried about you.

-Should she be?

-I'm not ill.

You don't appear to be.

Are there any aches or pains that you haven't told me about?

She says that you've been moody and irritable.

So would you be if you lived with her.

HE CHUCKLES

How's school?

It's all right.

Friends are OK? You're not being bullied or anything?

No, I've got some good mates.

Last weekend I took them to the Retro Picture House.

They hated it. Walked out halfway through.

You saw Brighton Rock?

Twice.

Fancy calling a villain Pinkie.

And he was so little. His hat was bigger than his head.

Don't you love old films?

There's a reason they're called classics.

I like to push my sofa right in front of the TV,

get a big bag of pop corn. It's my silver-screen heaven.

Right, moving on. How's home life?

It's fine.

Your mum said you haven't been sleeping very well.

Is Pinkie giving you nightmares?

Or is there something else playing on your mind?

Something that's worrying you?

Fliss, anything that you tell me, it stays between us.

Don't you have to tell Mum?

Only in exceptional circumstances. Say abuse, for example.

It's nothing like that.

KNOCKING

Is everything all right?

HE SIGHS

Please, put her out of her misery.

Tell her there's nothing wrong with me.

There is nothing wrong with Fliss.

Are you absolutely certain about that?

As far as I can be.

At her age, she's going through all these hormonal changes,

which might explain some of the symptoms you're describing.

Now, if the symptoms persist, please, come and talk to me.

I'm here to listen and to help.

DR HASKEY SIGHS

Oh! By the power of Grayskull!

Here.

You know, I meant what I said earlier.

This would be a great job if it wasn't for the patients.

-Someone had a go?

-No, I got this 14-year-old girl and her mother.

Every time I ask a question to the girl, the mother answers.

-I wanted to poke her in the eye.

-Yeah, but you didn't though?

To be fair, she did seem genuinely worried about her.

-But you couldn't find anything.

-Nope.

-Paranoid parent?

Maybe but the kid definitely had something on her mind.

Well, unless they spit it out, mate, we're not mind readers.

No, we aren't.

Right, I better get going, to see Hermione. Don't want to be late.

-Are you serious?

-Yeah. You'll have to come round for dinner, mate.

I'd like you to get to know her.

Is there any point? Is she going to be around that long?

What do you mean?

You do tend to get through them, don't you.

It wasn't that long ago you were shacked up with Jas.

That was months ago. Anyway, I thought we'd all moved on, hadn't we?

In Zurich, I'd be seen within five.

A bit of Swiss-style efficiency wouldn't go amiss here.

I've often said to Ashley that of all my gorgeous friends

and colleagues at The Mill, you are the gorgeoustest.

Are you in the market for a millionaire?

Erm, well, yeah, if it gets me out of this place!

-Hello again.

-Can I talk to you?

Yeah, of course you can. Come on round.