The Moral High Ground Doctors

THUNDER RUMBLES

SIZZLING

HE GRUNTS

PHONE RINGS

AUTOMATED VOICE: Please leave your message after the tone.

MESSAGE TONE

'Pick up the phone, big man. We know you're in there.

'And we're going to smash our way in,

'and cut you up like the vermin you are.

'It's only a matter of time.'

Look, I really think we should do this.

Oh, for heaven's sake, why?

It seems like a good opportunity. Viv was talking about it on...

Yes! That's what vicars do. They witter on.

And I just stare into the distance and make holiday plans.

It's just a way of welcoming Joe into the community.

Have you actually read the christening service?

We have to renounce the devil and all his works.

-Yeah, and you are particularly fond of the devil, are you?

-He's always been good to me.

And anyway, who would we have as godparents?

Good morning!

Good morning, Mrs Tembe.

No way.

Morning, Mrs Tembe!

Why ever not?

Because she'd be insufferable.

I do not mind doing God once a week,

but I refuse to hook up with God's best friend.

I just think that if we want to get Joe into Heathdean, we've got to show we're committed.

Getting him baptised is one way of doing that.

You have been seduced by these church ladies.

The whole rest of the world sees you as the rampant egotist you are,

but those innocents think that you're God's gift.

Sorry, can I interrupt you a minute?

What?!

You do know what you're planning is basically an act of fraud?

BELL RINGS

BELL RINGS

Hello?

-Hi.

-Well, what do you want?

I'm sorry...?

I suppose you've come to tell me about God, have you?

-No.

-Well, I'm not interested,

I've got my own religion, thank you very much.

-That's nice.

-Well, what DO you want?

I've come to see your next-door neighbour.

I'm Doctor Tyler.

Oh! Come on in!

I didn't think you'd come today.

No, I've come to see the man next door.

Him? Oh, you'll be waiting a long time.

Why?

He never answers the door.

Never goes out except at night when he can't be seen.

OK, well...

All day he hides away in there.

Mr Miles! It's Doctor Tyler from the Mill Health Centre...

Hello?

Hi, Mr Miles, it's Dr Tyler from the Mill Health Centre.

Oh... come in.

Look, it's just a nice little family service, OK.

Sounds delightful. If you ignore the basic hypocrisy.

Oh, please!

You are signing a contract with a deity you do not believe in,

to carry out a series of actions you have no intention of doing.

All so that two very wealthy people can save on some school fees.

We're looking after our son.

Hey, of course, you're looking after your own.

But yesterday, you were sitting in judgment on me,

questioning my integrity.

And all the while it seems that you're really FLEXIBLE

with your principles.

OK, well, you are three kilos heavier than last time.

Right.

Have you been following the diet sheets Doctor Reid gave you?

Dunno.

What do you mean you "dunno"? You either have or you haven't.

I don't know where they are.

I might have put them in the recycling.

Look, we're running out of things to do with you.

The consultant says he can't fit you with a gastric band

cos you're not in good enough health.

You don't seem to be doing any exercise at all.

We're doing all we can to help, but you need to start helping yourself.

I suppose...

DOORBELL RINGS

Are you going to get that?

No.

I don't answer the door unless I know who it is.

Well, how do you know who it is if you don't answer the door?

BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY

I'm going to leave it.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Well, thank you so much for your words of wisdom(!)

Hey, you're very welcome.

But the C of E isn't some sinister cult.

It's a bunch of wishy-washy do-gooders who get together

every Sunday to mime to the words of All Things Bright And Beautiful.

It's pointless, but it's essentially harmless.

Right, so you're indoctrinating your son into something completely pointless.

No, we're not indoctrinating him! We're simply going to splash his head with water,

so he can get into a good school. It's ridiculous, but don't blame me,

blame God, blame the Education Secretary.

I will not apologise for trying to give my son the best start in life,

something that you would understand when you...oh, I forgot...

you don't have children.

Well, that told me.

I'm confused, are we getting him christened, or not?

I suppose so, but I am not telling Mrs Tembe. You'll have to do it.

It was only the postman.

What's wrong with you? Letherbridge isn't that rough, you know? I've been to worse places.

Here you go - Mr S Miles.

Put it down.

Why, what's...?

HE SNIFFS God, that's rank.

-Leave it!

-What's going on?

What the...?!

DOOR KNOCKS

Come in!

Howard, I was wondering if I could talk to you about annual leave.

Fire away.

Well, as you know, I'm due several days in lieu,

and I'm feeling tired, so...

Is that your report from yesterday's proceedings?

I don't think that's any concern of yours whatsoever.

In other words, "yes, it is". Come on.

-I don't think it'd be appropriate.

-If it's about my reasons for my actions.

-I think it's important I read it.

-Look, I'm trying to save your neck here.

And I'd find it a lot easier without constant disruption.

Under the Data Protection Act, I'm entitled to see what you're writing about my neck.

So, come on...

TAP RUNNING

OK, who sent you that?

I don't know they didn't leave a note.

Someone sent you a rat through the post!

What kind of psycho does that?

God knows. But I don't.

Really? Well, tell me what you do know.

What's going on?

People send me stuff.

What sort of stuff?

Dead rats. Live maggots. Cockroaches.

They just usually shove it through the letter box, they don't use a stamp.

Why do they do that?

OK, I've got a couple of colleagues that work for the police, maybe they can get...

-No way.

-Why not?

We don't do that round here. Snitches get stitches.

And grass gets cut.

And you've got no idea why they're doing this?

Must be mistaken identity.

OK, you've got to do something.

Because right now you're a prisoner in your own home.

You don't leave, so you don't get any exercise.

You're eating yourself to an early grave.

Why don't you tell me something I don't know.

"Failed to establish informed consent".

"Acted without consulting senior partners".

"Well-intentioned".

"Concerned for patient welfare".

Anything you disagree with?

Actually, I don't think it goes far enough.

What?

Having had a day to think about it...

..and listening to what you all had to say.

I messed up, Howard.

I didn't take into account how young she is.

And after she'd made up her mind I wanted her to have the abortion.

Now, hang on, you sound like you're digging your own grave there.

I just think it's time for me to be honest.

I think Grace would appreciate that.

We are not giving her any ammunition.

Eh?

Grace is the type of well-informed patient that could take this

to the GMC, or the social services or the police even.

Do you think she'd go that far?

She would. And it's not just your career at stake here.

LAUGHING

Oi, oi! Look who it is.

It's Doctor Whatshisname.

HE CHUCKLES

You been seeing the paedo, then?

The what...?

The paedo, the heap of scum at 48.

He's a nonce, isn't he? He goes after kids.

I don't know where you get that from.

I suppose you've had him castrated, have you?

THEY LAUGH

-What's in the bag, then? His nadgers?

-Hey, get off!

Come on, let's have a look. I want to feed them to my dog.

THEY LAUGH How old are you? Ten?

He's done nothing wrong, you've got the wrong man.

So get out my way or I'll call the police.

Hey!

Mind how you go there, Doctor Whatsit.

What's going on? I'm trying to get some rest!

Oh, it's you, love.

All right, Queenie. We were just having a word with the doctor.

Oh, that's nice.

Listen, you couldn't come and have a look at my telly, could you?

It's gone wrong again.

Yeah, I'll be around to help you out later.

Mind how you go there, Doc.

Take it easy, geezer.

HE SIGHS

Oh, hello! Kevin! What can we do you for?

-Is Emma in?

-Yeah, she's in her consulting room.

-Right.

Are you all right? You look a bit...

I wonder what that was about?

Mmm?

Karen, you're miles away! What are you reading?

It's...it's the advert for my job interview!

-Oh, yes, I heard!

-It's at the hairdressers - Uber.

Uber? Oh, that place is amazing!

-Really?

-Well, I've only ever been past it on the bus,

but it is Uber-trendy! Uber-fantastic,

Uber... Uber-dooby-doo.

-It's not too trendy?

-Oh, no.

No, you are very much, a trendsetter.

I've always thought of you as Lady Gaga in later years.

So...what exactly is the job?

It's, um, junior stylist.

"At Letherbridge's premier hair and beauty practitioners.

-"Awarded West Midlands Golden Scissors for 2013".

-Oh...

"Must show passion, energy, creativity

"and an awareness of contemporary fashion".

Oh, well, they've picked the right person with you, then.

You think so?

Oh, I know so. You've got so much passion it's almost embarrassing.

And you radiate creativity like a...a radiator.

I'm suddenly really nervous!

You'll be fine.

So, when exactly does this job start?

I think they want somebody to start straight away.

Really?

Well, I've got a good feeling about this.

This could be your time.

Mmm...

So, yeah, I spent about half an hour with him.

Didn't get anywhere.

Bet that was depressing. That man is like a black hole,

sucking the life force out of everyone.

I know. You can literally feel yourself falling into a coma

while he's talking to you.

-Has he lost any weight?

-What do you think?

You know, I don't think he ever leaves that flat.

I think he just sits there and orders endless takeaways.

Eating himself to death.

It's the slowest suicide attempt ever.

Look, how well do you know him?

What do you mean?

Well, do you know if he has any convictions for child abuse?

CLASSICAL CHORAL MUSIC PLAYS

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

No.

No!

It was a dead rat! And it was covered in maggots and...

That doesn't prove anything.

Except that somebody he knows is a complete psycho.

But why would they go to so much effort?

Because people are mentally unhinged.

Why would somebody stalk Jas?

Why are people murdered?

He is the victim of a hate campaign.

That doesn't mean that he's guilty of anything.

Yeah, you're right.

Actually, I read an article about that...

What's the matter?

-I can't find my phone.

-Is it in your briefcase?

No, it's not in there, would you give me a ring?

-Anything?

-Oh, no. This is not good.

This is so not good.

What?

I think I've left it at Steve's.

DOOR KNOCKS

Come in.

Your mid-morning Americano, madam.

-Oh, dear.

-What?

When a man calls by with coffee, there is always a catch.

I resent that.

I just thought the caffeine would get the endorphins going.

-And I spoke to Viv.

-Daniel!

She's managed to squeeze us in on Sunday. And it sounds like a lot of fun.

Have you just changed the meaning of the word "fun"?

I actually think that church could be great for Joe.

They're not a bad bunch, and it's good to have a moral framework in your life.

This is Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.

You've been abducted by aliens who are turning you into Cliff Richard.

I know we only went to church to get Joe into a good school,

but why not go the whole hog?

Repent, get baptised.

Daniel! Are you in there? Move into the light, Daniel.

Zara...I want...I want Joe to be surrounded by decent,

caring people that are going to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Well, the church isn't just a smug gits' club.

You do actually have to believe in God, and we don't.

-Not literally.

-Not in any way!

I dunno.

I think I'm more of an agnostic than an atheist.

I've... I've had some hard times in my life, you know that.

All right, and look at me now,

I'm living with the most wonderful woman in the world, who I love.

I have two of the most beautiful children in the world.

I can't help thinking I've been guided by some sort of invisible hand.

The only thing that you have ever been guided by

is pure self interest.

You see something you want, and you make puppy-dog eyes till you get it.

And no, Daniel, there is no God.

Because if there were a higher intelligence,

how could he ever have had the nerve to make someone like you?

HE CHUCKLES

Mmm.

There you go. Should be all fixed now.

That's ever so kind of you.

Not that there's much worth watching these days.

What's the matter?

What?

You don't seem your usual self today.

Well...

It's him next door. He's beginning to get to me.

What's he done?

Oh, he hasn't done anything, but it's what he DID do,

to that poor little girl.

And he's just the other side of that wall!

Well, he's not exactly my favourite person either.

You know there's a new family moved into the first floor?

Oh, yeah?

They've got a little girl. Eight or nine.

Proper little angel.

Yeah, well, he wouldn't try anything. He wouldn't dare.

I'm sure that's what they said last time.

Just...

Leave it with me, Queenie.

You won't have to worry about him for much longer.

I know....you will just have to wait...please.

Mrs Cruikshank? Doctor Carmichael will see you now.

-Mrs Tembe, have you got a minute?

-It will have to be quick.

I have three patients to register. Thank you.

OK, well, as you may or may not know,

we're having Joe christened this Sunday.

And we were wondering if you would do us

the very great honour of being his godmother?

-Doctor Granger, I am very busy.

-Yes.

Perhaps we can discuss this later?

OK. Well, I don't have any patients at the moment,

so I'll wait in the staff room.

Hello, um, I've come to see Dr Haskey.

HE SIGHS

-Right, I need you to phone me, OK?

-No.

-What do you mean "no"?

-I can't use the phone. They've turned off the electricity.

What...?

What the hell is going on?

You lock yourself up in here. You're eating yourself to death.

And then there are those guys hanging around outside.

-They seem to think you've done something awful.

-They know nothing about me.

Really? Well, why don't we invite them in for a cosy little chat, eh?

Sort out the confusion.

Or maybe we should go to the police.

They think I hurt a child.

They think I did the worst thing in the world.

But it wasn't me. They've got the wrong man.

Oh, really? And how have they done that?

Because there was someone who used to live here, who did hurt a child.

He was a very damaged person.

Who was he?

He ran away.

They think he went to Thailand.

-A friend of yours, was he?

-What?

Well, you seem to know a lot about him.

No.

He's my son.

-Hi.

-Hi, look, this is really awkward, I'm sorry, but...

Did I get you into trouble?

No, absolutely not, Fliss, you did nothing wrong,

it's just that there's this investigation going on at the moment

and if I talk to you now, then I could put that in danger,

and then I really would be in a whole trainload of trouble.

What's going on?

Miss Henning wanted to speak to Doctor Haskey,

and he was just explaining that it is not really appropriate.

Well, I'm sure it will be OK.

As long as it's in my office, and I'm present at all times.

OK.

Mrs Tembe, can you organise some coffee, please?

And a soft drink for Felicity?

I'll have a coffee.

I never really knew Shaun.

The marriage broke up when he was a kid, and I moved away.

But then I heard that he'd got into trouble.

It's more than just trouble.

No-one knows where he is. They think he's gone to Thailand.

So I've been waiting here in case he came back, keeping my head down.

But then a couple of days ago, this came through the letter box.

"Police are searching for a known child abuser

"who brutally raped

"a 12-year-old girl before escaping their custody.

"The man has been named as Mr Shaun Miles."

Shaun Miles.

Steven Miles.

They think it's the same person.

I'll go to the police, and tell them to go round the estate

and tell everyone there was a child abuser, but he's moved on, and he doesn't live here any more.

I don't want you to.

-What?

-I did abuse a child!

I walked out on Shaun when he was ten years old.

I left him with an alcoholic mother

and a stepfather who beat the living daylights out of him.

It's no wonder he turned out the way he did.

So, if they want someone to punish...

No, you messed up, but you didn't do this.

I hurt my son...

..they want to hurt me.

I'm not going to stop them.

Oh, for crying out loud, go home!

I don't think we can, Doc. I think you've seen too much.

We don't want you snitching now, do we?

At least, not until we've finished with the nonce.

He's done nothing wrong. You've got the wrong guy.

You always stick up for them lot, don't you? I suppose it's their human rights.

Come on, boys. Let's go and visit the bogeyman.

-Let me do that, you take a seat.

-I am quite capable.

OK. So, what's it to be?

What?

Are you going to make us

the happiest family in Letherbridge by becoming Joe's godmother?

We can't think of anyone better.

My faith is not a game to me.

-No.

-It is about a man who gave his life to save humanity,

and I have devoted my whole life to serving that man.

Mm, I see that, but...

You are only going to church so that Joe can go to Heathdean School,

and I find that offensive.

You are depriving genuine Christians

of a place at a school that shares their values.

And if you have him christened, you will be making a mockery of that service

because you will not believe a single word you are saying.

That's a little strong. We only want what's best for him.

No, you want what is best for you.

I have tried to hold my tongue,

but I will not be a part of this lie.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to prepare Mr Bellamy's coffee.

-How do we get these windows open?

-I've lost the key.

BANGING ON DOOR There must be some way of...

-Just let them do what they want to me.

-You can't give up!

I gave up years ago.

-MOB SHOUTING

-What goes around, comes around.

BANGING

Come out here, you nonce!

I'm sorry my mum caused so much trouble.

It really wasn't fair, and...

You only did what I asked you to.

No, I'm sorry.

I think that I may have pushed you into a corner a bit,

and I didn't realise that you're not quite as grown-up as I thought.

I'm not a kid either.

I didn't want to have the abortion.

But I didn't want to be pregnant either.

I'm sorry I had to go through with it...

It made me feel sad and...

..and empty.

SHE SNIFFLES

But I still think I had to.

I had to.

-Thank you.

-Take your time.

How are things at home?

Mum's calmed down a bit.

I think last week she wanted to kill you, but...

Now she knows you meant well.

I did.

We all just want you to be happy, Fliss.

I will be happy.

In a while.

But...now I should get back to school, before I get into trouble.

So, I just wanted to say...

..thank you.

Thank you for your time.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

What just happened?

I think what she was saying was that she doesn't blame you.

Yeah, but I still don't know if I did the right thing.

EVERYTHING you did was with the best intention.

BANGING

Help me with this sofa, I'm going to barricade the door.

BANGING AND SHOUTING Steve...?

Gotcha!

-You should have left this place while you still had the chance.

-Get out!

What's happening?

He's having a heart attack.

Whoa! Pull up a chair, boys.

I'm going to enjoy this.

CHORAL MUSIC

Come on mate, Come on. Steve. Can you hear me?

Come on, we're not giving up!

There we go. There you go. You're OK, Steve.

You're going to be OK, Steve, just focus on me.

Well done Doc, you've done your thing. Now, it's our turn.

Breathe, OK, breathe for me.

Come on, Doc, let me have a go.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

Hello. Hello?

Good morning.

You realise you've just applied for the job of junior stylist?

That's right.

What makes you think you are right for such a role?

Everyone seems to be looking for Kevin at the moment.

I'm a little bit psychic.

I have the power to read people's auras.

-Really?

-Oh...

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT