The Low Ground Doctors

-You been to see the paedo, then?

-The what?

-He's a nonce, isn't he?

-Goes after kids.

-Don't know where you get that from.

-It's him next door, he's beginning to get to me.

-What's he done?

It's what he did do.

They think I hurt a child.

But it wasn't me, they've got the wrong man.

He's my son.

I hurt my child. They want to hurt me.

I'm not going to stop them.

SOMBRE CHORAL MUSIC

Oh, Mrs Tembe, these macaroons are to die for.

Yes, yes, please help yourself.

Still no sign of Karen?

-She has not arrived yet.

-It's a big day for her though.

She's got an interview to be a hairdryer.

I mean, hairdresser.

Yes, well, I'm going to have to start without her.

Unfortunately, Howard can't be here because of food poisoning.

Oh, that is most unfortunate.

Yes, it is, but he's asked me to say a few words about time management.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, hang on.

Yes, Howard?

I'm doing it right now...

Yep, right this minute.

No, I've no idea where Kevin is.

I'll pass the message on as soon as I do. Bye.

Sorry about that. Where was I?

-Time management.

-Time management.

Now, Howard feels that people are far too inclined

to just rush off on any old mercy mission

paying scant regard to its impact on the timetable.

-To be frank...

-Hi, everybody, sorry I'm late.

Oh, Karen. Ooh! Your hair is just...

-out of this world.

-Do you think so? Mrs Tembe, what do you think?

Uh... Oh, yes, well, it is...from another world.

Ladies, can we get on, please?

Thank you. Where was I?

Mercy mission.

-PHONE RINGS

-Mercy mission! ..Oh, sorry.

Daniel?

I have no idea where Kevin is.

Why don't you have him electronically tagged?!

-Now I've run out of time.

-What's all this about Kevin?

I have no idea. For some reason,

Daniel and Howard want to speak to him.

It's just, I was at campus yesterday,

and he never came back from home visits.

Well, it is not unusual for Dr Tyler to change his timetable

without consulting anyone.

And I'm sure Howard will have something to say about that.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, for heaven's sake! ..Yes!

PHONE RINGS

Howard?

No... Everyone seems to be looking for Kevin at the moment.

HE MOANS SOFTLY

HE GRUNTS IN PANIC

I've never been so nervous in all my life.

-Aw, you'll be fine!

-All you can hope to do is your best.

That's right, but I just know you'll succeed.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. I'm a little bit psychic.

-I have the power to read people's auras.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Oh...come here.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Mmm. I can tell you've got a very positive aura.

Yeah. I can see you're going on a long journey.

I see...blue skies,

and palm trees.

And the letter H.

For hairdresser?

No, there's an H and an O, and...

Oh... Oh, my word. It's the Hollywood sign!

I don't believe it! That's what I've always wanted to do.

I don't want to stay in some salon,

-I want to be a hairdresser for pop stars and film stars.

-Hang on!

Whoa, whoa. Let's just keep our feet on the ground here, eh?

Why should she? If you believe in yourself,

-you can be anything you want to be.

-Look at the time.

I think we should all be getting back to work.

And I've got to go for my interview!

-Wish me luck!

-Good luck!

-Oi, I want a word with you.

-Oh.

MAN GASPS FOR BREATH

Hello? Hello?

Good morning. How are you?

Oh, I'm so glad you didn't die in the night.

We need you to be alive and fully conscious.

Where are my manners?

I forgot to offer you a cup of tea.

PHONE RINGS WITH NOVELTY RINGTONE I told you to turn that thing off!

Sorry, boss.

That's better. Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah. A cup of tea.

HE SPITS

THEY CHUCKLE

Oh, come on, Kevin, come on.

Rob, it's Emma.

What you are doing is cruel!

No, it isn't.

Karen has had a serious accident,

and she's trying to rebuild her life.

What's cruel about encouraging somebody to follow their dream?

Have you even seen this salon she's applying for?

I've been past it on the bus.

Valerie, it's the trendiest place in the West Midlands.

It's where all the footballers' ex-wives go to spend their alimony.

Are you saying Karen's not good enough?

No, I am saying she is fragile, and she's been through a lot,

and you're setting her up for a fall.

Maybe I can see something in Karen that no-one else can.

-Oh... I know what you can see.

-What?

A permanent position if Karen gets that job at the salon!

I hadn't thought of that.

But now you've given me that idea...

Come in!

Ah, Mrs Tembe.

I see you've come to tempt me with your macaroons.

Well, I was in rather a restless mood last night,

so I made some macaroons and some banana bread.

Oh, I see. And what put you in this agitated state?

Dr Granger has asked me to be Joe's godmother.

Well, that's good news, isn't it?

No, it is not, and I told him I refuse.

I think being a godparent is a wonderful thing.

When I was at boarding school, my father used to write to me,

asking if I was studying hard and doing well at rugby.

But my godfather would ask if I'd played any practical jokes,

and was watching Monty Python.

Well, I do not think it is wonderful.

The only reason they are asking me is because I have connections

in the church and they want Joe to go to Heathdean School.

It is the epitome of hypocrisy, and I will not be used in this way!

Hello?

Kevin?

< Kevin!

MUFFLED SHOUTS

Kevin!

You know...

I think you're missing a trick here.

What do you mean?

The chance to save a very tiny soul.

Isn't it good that they want Joe to be part of the Church?

Dr Carter,

they are using the Church to save on school fees.

Think of what Joe stands to lose. The best godmother in the world.

I've always thought you were marvellous with children.

You would have been my dream godmother.

Yes, well, I think I would have found you quite a handful.

Think about it.

The chance to influence Joe's life for the better.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

You see, it's not true that there's no such thing as society.

Because on this estate, we look after each other.

Especially our kids.

Which is why we got very concerned

when this was sent through everyone's letterbox.

"Police are searching for a convicted child abuser

"who escaped their custody."

Look at me.

Look at me!

But you're not going to escape this time, are you?

-Eh?! OTHERS:

-No!

"He left his 12-year-old victim fighting for her life

"in an area of remote woodland.

"The girl's mother...

"said that, 'There are no words to describe the pain

"'this man has put on our family.'"

No. There are no words.

Sometimes, you just have to use actions.

Prisoner in the dock,

you stand accused of being the lowest form of life on the planet.

Of being every parent's worst nightmare.

A vile piece of scum,

not worthy of life, or food, or oxygen.

How do you plead?

Guilty.

Well, I'm sorry, officer, but I didn't hear a thing.

Really? Because somebody has smashed down your neighbour's door.

Oh, well, there was some sort of kerfuffle.

I just turned the telly up.

OK, just so you know,

whilst you were watching TV, those guys knocked me unconscious,

tied me up, and left me for dead in the flat next door.

-No?!

-Yes.

Well, I don't know why you're looking at me.

I don't know anybody who could do such a thing.

Yes. Why don't we all just calm down?

-Can I get you a drink of water?

-Yes, please. I've gone all funny.

You need to tell us everything that you know.

I don't know anything.

I'm just so shocked.

I mean, this used to be a nice neighbourhood.

Well, that's what happens when people turn a blind eye, or turn up the TV.

-Mrs Molloy?

-Yes?

What's this?

Oh, that's a notice about the creature next door.

Everyone got sent one.

Yes, but who sent them?

Because this very much looks like the original.

MUSIC: "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga

Calvin! Shift your morbidly obese backside, please! Thank you.

Sweep this mess off the floor!

-Hello. Yes?

-Er... Hi, I'm Karen.

-You're what?

I'm Karen.

Sorry, I couldn't make out what you were saying for a moment.

I was meant to be here at 9:45, but I got off at the wrong stop.

Oh, right.

No, I can't seem to find you.

I suppose you want us to fix that weird hairdo of yours!

Where did you have it done?!

No, I, um...

I'm here for the interview.

What?!

The person who lives next door has done nothing wrong.

Yes, there was a sex offender in the building,

but he's gone, he's moved away. In fact, he's left the country.

It was him. I read it in the paper.

Do you really think this is the guy who lives next door?

-I know it is. I'm not senile.

-No, we know you're not.

You were very selective about what information you used.

There's no mention of his age.

The guy who did this was 22.

This guy has left the country.

The guy who lives next door is his dad.

Oh, really? Well, you know what they say.

The apple never falls far from the tree.

Queenie, you could have messed up a police investigation.

The only chance we had of catching Shaun Miles

was if he came home to visit his family.

Now his family don't have a home, so he could go anywhere.

-And that's down to you.

-Well, he's not living next door to me any more,

and he's not chasing the kids in my building.

But where's Steve? Where have they taken him?

How should I know? He's no friend of mine.

The people who have got Steve also beat up Dr Tyler,

tied him up and left him in Steve's flat all night.

We need to catch them, before they do something very serious.

I don't know where they took him, but I know a man who might know.

So have you anything to say before sentence is passed?

What's that? Eh?

Oh, you can't speak?

But then, you put tape over that girl's mouth

so no-one could hear her scream.

You have been found guilty of being a disgusting paedo.

The jury will pass their sentences on you one at a time,

and you will say goodbye to the neighbourhood.

We won't be seeing you round here again.

Juror number one, please.

So you realise you've just applied for

-the job of Junior Stylist?

-That's right.

To join a team of young, dynamic innovators,

-offering fresh, new ideas for creative cuts.

-Yeah!

What makes you think you are right for such a role?

Well, if you think about it, you can't really change your face,

but with just a pair of scissors,

you can change your whole physical appearance.

Mmm. And what would you say your current...hairstyle says about you?

Um, I think that it says that I'm a fun person.

Very creative. Young at heart.

Is that what you were trying to say?

Now, I see that for the past five years,

you've been working at the Mill.

I'm not familiar with that salon.

Is it a Vidal Sassoon affiliate?

It's not a...

not a hairdressers. It's a doctors' surgery.

So for the past five years, you've been working at a health centre?

Yes.

What makes you think you're even qualified?

FAINT MOANING

"The girl's mother said,

"'My daughter was a normal, fun-loving 12 year old,

"'and now she's too scared to leave the house.'"

You make me sick.

Juror number three, please.

Yeah!

I know I've not done it before, but I'll give it 110%.

I can work really hard, and I really believe that

if you truly believe in yourself, you can be anything you want.

No. No, you cannot.

A slug might want to be a beautiful peacock,

but at the end of the day, it is still a slug.

Are you still with us, nonce? Don't you close your eyes.

We've got plenty more surprises for you.

When do you think I might hear?

What? Oh, um... in a couple of weeks.

-Right.

-But if you don't hear,

don't worry.

We're looking for a very...special sort of person.

Oh. OK. Bye-bye!

KNOCKING

There's no sign of him.

There's a surprise.

Wherever he is, I bet he's got Steve.

Possibly.

Do you want me to take you to St Phil's?

No, I need to know what's happened to him.

He's my patient, he's my responsibility.

He could be anywhere.

Don't worry. We'll keep looking.

-Here, you will never guess what's happened.

-What?

-Kevin has been abducted by paedophiles.

-What?!

No, sorry, I've got that muddled.

Kevin has been abducted by some men looking for a paedophile.

-I just heard Jimmi on the phone with Rob.

-Is he all right?

I think so. He's with Rob now.

But it must have been a very traumatic experience.

I'm going to phone him.

Look, we've got two patrol cars searching the area,

and an ambulance on standby

in case we need a medic, so, really...

Rob, do you seriously think I could go back to work

and concentrate on students with hangovers, and old dears?

-PHONE RINGS WITH NOVELTY RINGTONE

-What is it?

-That's my phone.

-What?

One of those lads must have nicked it earlier. It's coming from in there.

7244 to control. I'm going to need back-up.

Kevin...

At least if he is with Sergeant Hollins,

-we know he is in good hands.

-I hope so.

The Mill does seem to be a very dangerous place to work.

Yes, well, it can be.

And yet, if I was offered the chance of a permanent position,

I would grab it in a heartbeat.

-Mmm. I bet you would.

-I've got to go to the little girls' room.

That woman has absolutely no shame.

Mm-hmm!

But right now, our main focus has to be...

Oh! Karen!

Hiya! Hiya, Mandy.

How did it go?

Well, er, it went really well.

A bit nerve-racking.

Goodness! It looks like we might have to find ourselves

-a new receptionist.

-Oh!

I'm not sure that, erm, it's right for me.

They were a bit up themselves.

What was it like inside? I've always wanted to go in there.

Oh, it was really nice. And they all had really nice hair.

So now do you know how it feels to be helpless, alone,

and totally at someone else's mercy?

Good. Because it's only just beginning.

Police! Nobody move!

Hello, boys!

We've got your number-one most-wanted nonce for you.

Don't worry, we've managed to restrain him.

Derek Vern, I presume?

That's me. Who wants to know?

Get Dr Tyler.

Oh, Karen! How did the interview go?

Um, it was... It...

It was a nightmare.

Oh, you're just saying that.

It was like being torn apart by wolves.

-Only, wolves with nice hair.

-Really?

So, thank you very much for your help,

but I don't think I'm going to be going on a long journey.

Aw...

Why do people have to be so horrible?!

Oh, no, no, only some people.

Ugly people.

Look around here, all the lovely people who are looking out for you.

-Here's not so bad, is it?

-I suppose.

You belong here. And we all need somewhere we belong.

Derek Vern, I'm arresting you

-on suspicion of assault.

-This is a joke!

-You do not have to say anything, but...

-I'm doing your job!

What is wrong with this country?

-Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

-No!

What I did was nothing, compared to that animal.

-And are you sure that that was him, are you sure?

-What?

If you'd read the full article, not just the snippets,

you'd have realised that Shaun Miles is in his mid-20s.

-No...

-Yes, but you don't care, do you? Cos it's all about power.

You do not care that you're completely and utterly wrong.

-Well, it's all over.

-Is it?

Come on. Let's get you to hospital.

I just want to go home.

Really? You call that place a home?

-I do, yes.

-Take Mr Vern to the station, will you?

I'm sure you'll have a fascinating discussion

-about what is right and what is wrong.

-Yeah. We will.

And I'd like to ask where you lot were

when that poor girl was being abused?!

-Kevin.

-Can I take Mr Miles upstairs?

To get some clothes and things.

Yeah, of course you can. PC Collins, will you escort

-these two upstairs?

-No worries, boss.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-All right, fella?

Oh, I need to go and sort this stationery order out.

-Well, don't let me keep you.

-Oh, have you heard?

Daniel and Zara are having their little boy christened on Sunday.

Yes, I am well aware. They have asked me to be godmother.

Really? You kept that one quiet.

I am not sure it is appropriate.

I like to keep a line between my work life and my personal life.

Oh, I'm not bothered about that.

In fact, if you're not interested,

I might go and ask Daniel if I could do it.

What?!

Oh, I would love to be Joe's godmother.

I would teach him all about God,

and the baby Jesus, and the Easter Bunny.

And it would mean that I would always be part of the Mill family.

Actually, I have not decided yet,

so please do not mention it to Dr Granger.

OK.

-I'll just slip away, then.

-You do that.

Easter bunny...

They've done a nice job on this place.

Are you going to move out now?

-I can't.

-Why not?

It's the only address I've got for Shaun.

A place he might come back to.

When's the last time you saw him?

When he was ten.

-Do you know why we called him Shaun?

-No.

S Miles. It stands for smiles.

It's a family tradition.

There were lots of smiles in those first few years.

Just walking in the rain, jumping in puddles.

So what happened?

I don't know.

Life was all about Shaun.

Me and Christine, we never spent time together.

I didn't feel welcome.

And the pressure got to me.

I walked away.

I wasn't going to be away forever.

I was going to come back.

I should have been there for him

when he started to get into trouble. When he started drugs. And...

..the rest.

You can't blame yourself for what he did.

And you need to find something else to do with your life,

instead of this constant death wish.

You need to move on.

I can't move on.

I can't move.

Come on. Let's get you to St Phil's, eh?

-Oh, that's a shame.

-What is?

Oh, Mum can't make it on Sunday.

She's rushed off her feet at the hotel.

You are not still seriously thinking of going ahead with this?

-Dr Granger. Dr Carmichael.

-Hello!

I have been considering your request

-to become Joe's godmother...

-Oh, you know,

-that's really not necessary...

-..and I am going to accept.

I am very fond of Joe, and I would like to do anything I can to help.

That's wonderful news. Thank you!

Oh! We couldn't think of anyone better.

Mmm!

-Now, tell me, does Joe have his own Bible?

-What?!

I know he is very young, but they have very nice illustrated versions,

and it would be an honour if you would let me buy him his first.

-I will go and check online.

-Of course.

-Daniel...

-What?

What have we done?!

Thursday night is Play Dating night.

Play Dating? That's a speed-dating event.

I don't think that's really suitable for Joe!

It would need to be conducted in a safe environment

by qualified psychologists.

I've lived with OCD my entire life.

That makes me qualified.

You don't want to meet a tall, dark, handsome millionaire?

In Letherbridge? I think that is very unlikely.

Oh! Excuse me, ladies.