Fairy Gold Doctors

Exhibit A - Angela Leigh.

Angela?

No ID, no money, and nothing sensible to say.

SHE GROANS

Angela, you've had a bit too much to drink.

So you need to take it a little slowly, all right?

Where am I?

Oh.

You and your mate were getting a bit gobby last night,

well, this morning, causing a disturbance.

I've lost...something.

Your wings?

And a magic wand?

Yeah, we've got them behind the desk.

You can have them back as soon as the doctor's signed you fit to go.

SHE VOMITS

All yours.

Someone's got a very special day ahead of them, haven't they?

Who's an excited little boy?

No wonder.

Yes, Daddy's excited, too. And so is Mummy, isn't she?

I can't wait.

Come on, this is what we want, isn't it?

-It doesn't mean I have to like it.

-Fine.

What?

You look like you're dressed for work. It's a special day.

Are you telling me I haven't made enough of an effort?

You look great! It's just...

all the partners are coming. And I've invited Christine McLinn,

and James Barraclough, Andy Foulkes-Everett.

The Chair of the CCG and your golf buddies?

Yes, the Club Secretary and the Gentlemen's Captain.

You forgot the bishop. And the Mayor of Letherbridge. And our MP, what's his name?

Michael Chivers. He's on a fact-finding visit to Hong Kong.

And exhibit B - Tara Morris.

Hello, Tara, I'm Dr Reid, police surgeon. Well, the doctor.

I've just come to see that you're all right before we send you home.

-Where's Angela?

-Next door.

Is she still angry?

Difficult to tell.

Do you remember much about last night?

Yeah. I think so.

I was supposed to look after her. Have we been nicked?

No, you haven't.

You're in here for your own safety.

-Dr Clay saw them last night, and said to let them sleep it off.

-Oh.

Hen night?

Magical fairies.

I don't remember Tinker Bell

getting so drunk that she had a fight with her best friend, do you?

-Will this do?

-Mm-hmm.

I thought this was going to be a five-minute ordeal -

a splash of water on his head, a bit of mumbo jumbo and Mrs Tembe.

-But it's turning into a complete circus.

-It's just a formality.

Have you even read this service?

Have you seen what we have to say?

-What we have to promise our little boy in front of the Golf Committee?

-Yeah, it's just words.

Is that we have to "reject the devil and renounce all rebellion against God."

-I do.

-Doesn't that make you even the slightest bit uncomfortable?

I don't believe in him, so I don't mind renouncing him.

-Just so long as we get Joe into a good school.

-Exactly.

-KNOCKING ON DOOR

-Come in.

-There you go.

-Tara!

-You all right?

-I'm dying.

I'm really sorry.

-What for?

-Everything.

Best hen night, ever!

Oh, so you do remember?

No, must have been good!

Can I ask, just out of curiosity,

when exactly is the wedding?

Next week. Saturday.

Are we really in a police station?

Yes, you really are.

And, according to Sergeant Hollins, you two were screaming at each other

outside The Jolly Woodman at two o'clock in the morning.

Me and her? She's my best mate. She's my bridesmaid.

I am marrying her gorgeous big brother!

It was a stupid argument. Too many tequilas!

-I bet we were loud!

-Very.

What?

Ah! What's wrong with my eye? What?

You hit me!

Hermione?

I've been calling you. Can I come in?

-I can't believe you did this to me.

-I'm sorry.

"Sorry"?! I'm getting married in...six days!

-It'll fade.

-Yeah, course it will.

It'll go that nice yellowy sort of colour,

-and sort of slide down my face.

-It'll cover over.

-Zane'll kill me.

-As if. Remember when we got back from Lanzarote?

That was different.

-Love bite.

-Oh.

-This big.

-I take it this Zane wasn't on the trip to Lanzarote?

Tara can fix anything.

Liquid foundation, concealer, work it in gently. Repeat.

-Do you think it'll work?

-Once the swelling goes down.

"Swelling"?

Oh, my God, look at it!

-Look what you've done.

-I'm really...

-We'll have to cancel.

-Don't be silly.

-Angie!

-I'll call him. Tell him it's...off.

I did call him. Last night.

You were really drunk.

We were both outside the pub, and I called him.

Yeah, but you didn't mean it.

Oh!

-Oh, I told him to shove it!

-Yeah.

Shame Mum and Izzie couldn't make it, isn't it?

And your dad. Get them all together for his special day.

"His special day"?

This isn't his special day, Daniel.

This is the day he'll remember in shame and embarrassment.

This is the day his parents invited

the great and the good of Letherbridge

to witness their appalling hypocrisy.

And that bothers you because?

-What am I going to do?

-Angela.

I called off the wedding.

He'll understand. He always does.

Why would I do it? And you hit me!

I'm sorry. You need to call him.

You need to explain.

Yeah. Yeah, I should call him.

-Do it now.

-Yeah. Where's my bag?

I need my phone.

You only came in with two sets of wings and a single wand.

-You stupid cow!

-All right, Angela.

It's her fault! How could you let me do it?

If I have to call off the wedding, you're paying for it all! I...

-Stop it!

-What?

Nothing. Just...

I need to get out.

Yeah, well, not until I'm satisfied that you're all right.

-How are you feeling?

-I had a few drinks, that's all.

Can you stand on one leg for me?

-So call him.

-Yes!

-Tell him it was a stupid joke.

-All right!

What about our bags?

Well, I don't know! You were meant to be in charge.

Maybe they're in the pub.

-Can I put my foot down now?

-Yes.

Can you touch the end of your nose with your finger, please?

-Other hand.

-You go and see Zane, and I'll find the bags.

You are the worst friend, ever!

Oh, what? It's your fault. I've lost my bag, lost my phone.

-Lost my fiance!

-Why are you always like this?

Can I go now?

Yes, I'm satisfied. You may leave. But...

you will have to be processed by the duty sergeant.

So there's a little more paperwork to go through, I'm afraid.

About time! Quarter to 12, they said.

Am I late, Dr Granger?

Mrs Tembe, sorry, come in. No, I was expecting somebody else.

The ancestral christening robe has yet to arrive. Hello, Mrs Tembe.

We really are most grateful for what you're doing for us today.

No, it is a pleasure and an honour.

Now, where is my little godson?

I hope you do not mind, but I have bought a few small gifts.

This is for his bedroom.

And this is his first Bible.

I know he cannot read,

but I think he will enjoy being read to by his parents,

-and the pictures are so beautiful.

-That's lovely.

And I could not resist this.

He's going to love that. Zara, look at all the little animals.

-Why don't you take it up to him? He's in his room.

-Oh, all right.

Are we supposed to hang that over his bed?

Because it'll give him nightmares. It'll give me nightmares.

It's fine. And the ark's cute.

All the little wooden animals?

Is that all eight million species, or just a representative sample?

Because I don't think we have room.

Of all the fairy stories in the Bible,

that has to be the most ridiculous.

-It's symbolic.

-It's poppycock!

DOORBELL RINGS That'll be your grandad's dress.

I tried calling you, your mobile was switched off.

I'm just having some downtime.

-You're hiding.

-Downtime.

Hiding. Whatever. The thing is, I spoke to Al.

Who?

You kissed him.

Oh, right, yeah, him.

Oh, yeah, him! He's my friend.

Yeah... It was just one of my stupid Hermione things.

So, what, it doesn't matter?

It was an impulse.

You know what that means, Jimmi, I can't just ignore it!

-You crossed a line.

-It was just a kiss!

I've hurt you.

Yeah, you have.

And, you know, there has to be boundaries, limits.

What are you doing?

The thing is with a relationship it needs some certainties, you know?

See, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

No, don't say it.

Your OCD, my OCD, it's a bad combination.

-Jimmi!

-Please!

-Stop!

What are you doing?

You, you, you mustn't say it.

Look, I'm sorry I kissed him!

It will never, ever, ever happen again, ever.

Just promise me you won't leave me, Jimmi.

OK, hold still.

Hold still.

It is quite beautiful.

-It's going to tear.

-It's not going to tear.

It was made for a baby.

Yeah, OK... Hold still. Keep your head still.

Oh, no!

Look what you've done!

Maybe we should just call the whole thing off?

Maybe it can be mended.

I think we should just cancel.

No, you cannot turn aside at the first fence.

Whose idea was this in the first place?

How can you think of cancelling?

It's Joe's big day, isn't it?

Can we just get on with it?

One pair of wings and one magic wand -

-non-functioning.

-Keep it.

Can't do that. Just sign here, please.

Can I go now?

One more signature here and here.

Angela?

Listen, Angela, there's something else.

You do love Zane, don't you?

We're getting married, aren't we?

It's just he really, really loves you.

Always has.

-Even...even when we...

-My bag!

-Tara?

-What are you doing? Give me my bag.

-Promise me.

-What?

Promise me you won't be stupid.

-My bag.

-Actually, I'll need to sign that in before you can have it back.

That's my bag. My phone.

You'll call him? You'll put it right?

Yes! What is the matter with you?

Look, why don't I... Just the phone.

-Drugs?

-No.

Should be an interesting afternoon.

Glad it's not just me.

Three line whip.

Partners only, mind. None of your hoi polloi for the Carmichael-Grangers!

Had a call from Christine McLinn this morning,

begging me to make her excuses.

No, no, I completely understand. Yeah, it's absolutely fine.

Thank you for calling. Bye.

Afternoon, everyone. Afternoon, young man. You look incredibly smart.

Well, that's nobody coming from the golf club.

Well, the important people are here.

Honestly, I could hear them hitting balls in the background!

So, it's just Christine McLinn we're waiting for.

Actually...

Never mind, it's just as well.

Probably better just to have a quiet ceremony.

-Yeah, maybe.

-Shall we?

You're the best thing that's happened to me in years.

Who says I'm going anywhere?

I'm not daft. Mad, maybe, but not daft.

You're not mad.

You don't like mess as much as I do.

Why don't you...

..just give that to me?

You can't touch this.

It's dirt.

It's filth.

It's dust, Jimmi.

It's human hair, and dead skin, and dust mites!

You need to take control.

If I give this to you, will you promise not to leave me?

Hermione...

-So, are we ready to rock'n'roll?

-We're ready.

May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God

and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

-And also with you.

-With you.

-With you.

Five numbers and the bonus ball.

What?

£106,521.38.

We checked the numbers last night.

You told me to ring Zane.

-I told you to tell him you'd won the lottery!

-I did.

And then you threw it all away! Six years.

All your wedding plans. Your plans.

Your life.

I don't need him any more.

-He's my brother.

-I was going to beg him to forgive me!

-Please don't do this.

-What are you going to do, hit me again?

It's over. The sooner he knows it, the better.

Our Lord Jesus Christ has told us that to enter the kingdom of heaven

we must be born again of water and the Spirit,

and has given us baptism as the sign and seal of this new birth.

Here we are washed by the Holy Spirit and made clean.

Here we are clothed with Christ,

dying to sin that we may live his risen life.

As children of God, we have a new dignity,

and God calls us to fullness of life.

This is such a pathetic phone!

How have I survived so long with such a pathetic phone?

I was so happy for her.

I mean, she buys ten numbers every week!

Her and Zane have been saving for years to get married.

And, suddenly, you know, they can have anything they've ever wanted.

All those stupid wedding plans she had.

Well, sometimes money can bring out the worst in people.

Maybe it just shows what was there all along.

-Ha!

-So that's it?

Yeah.

Oh, come on!

He's your brother, you know what he's like!

So, you just dump him? It'll kill him.

He'll get over it.

Look, he's history, Tara! I've got plans now,

-and they don't include Zane.

-And me?

Don't be stupid! Best Friends Forever!

You and me are going to live wild and free, starting with a new phone.

What?! I'll get you one, as well.

-God, how long have you had that old one?

-I like my phone.

-Can I leave?

-Yes, of course. Mind how you go.

-Thanks.

-Just drink plenty of water, and you'll be fine.

-Thank you.

-What are you doing?

I'm going to find my brother.

Right, but later, yeah? Me and you?

-No.

-Tara...

I don't want to see you ever again.

That ticket was the best thing that could ever have happened to Zane. And me.

You stupid cow.

In baptism, this child begins his journey in faith.

Shall we go? There we go.

There you go. Good boy. Look at you.

Jimmi?

I'm sorry.

I, erm...

..I think it's best if you were to go back on your meds.

I don't think you were ready for a relationship.

I should have known that.

And the best thing you can do is

make an appointment with your doctor.

You did love me, didn't you?

You've, erm...

You're lovely, do you know that?

Just keep taking the...

Yeah, taking the meds.

-Don't regret this. Please.

-No. None of it.

In baptism, God calls us out of darkness into his marvellous light.

To follow Christ means dying to sin and rising to new life with him.

Therefore, I ask,

do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?

ZARA AND MRS TEMBE: I reject them.

Daniel?

-It's all a bit medieval, isn't it?

-Yeah.

But I've got to ask, it's all part of the whole thing.

Daniel, do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?

Actually...no.

Dr Granger?!

The devil's always been pretty good to me, too.

-This is different.

-Certainly is.

Do you want to take a break?

We could get some fresh air.

We can carry on with this when everyone's ready.

I'm really sorry, but I can't go through with it.

Zara? You seemed happy to go ahead.

-I lied.

-We both lied.

It was never about faith or God.

It was...it was about schools.

Sorry.

Ah, well. You win some, you lose some.

Reverend Marchant?!

Would you rather they stayed? Perjured themselves before Christ?

-I...

-Thank you.

And I'm really sorry, Mrs Tembe.

Mrs Tembe.

Joe will find his own way to God, in his own time,

if that's his path.

So, listen, thank you for having us.

We'll just go, then, shall we?

Really?

I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

So...private school, I think.

Erm, yeah, think so.

What on earth are we going to do?

Nothing, Mrs Tembe. Absolutely nothing.

Do you want me to call someone?

-Because you're probably feeling a bit...

-I don't need anyone.

Call me a cab.

I'm sure you can afford one.

I can buy it.

Right, well, in that case, use your old, pathetic phone.

Number's on the board over there.

Fairy's gold.

What's that?

It's what my grandmother used to say.

When money comes quickly, it goes quickly,

and it never does anyone any good.

I don't know.

-I reckon Zane and his little sister got off lightly.

-Maybe.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

# Now you must believe me You never lose your dreams

# So now you must believe me We never lose our dreams

# If you've proved all there is to prove

# Got nothing left to lose

# Just walkaway, walkaway,

# If you've done all there is to do

# And nothing left for you

# Just walkaway, walkaway, walkaway,

# That's what they say, what they say, what they say

# Walkaway, walkaway, walkaway

# That's what they say, what they say, what they say

# Got to walkaway today. #

COMPUTERISED VOICE: I want to die.

You two had a good laugh, did you?

Writing a load of garbage about me?

What's going on here?

You know that I can't say.

Don't come near me.

You were meant to be here as a friend. To help!

This isn't who we are. We don't give up.

We move on.