Blink Doctors

'Descartes distilled the proof of human existence into one

'handy little mantra. "I think, therefore I am."

'I think, therefore I am.

'But that's where the trouble usually starts.'

Morning, sunshine.

'Awake! For Morning in the Bowl of Night

'Has flung the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight.'

COMPUTERISED VOICE: Morning.

Ah, the IT people should be calling about the computer glitch,

and the plumber will be here at ten o'clock to sort out

the blockage in the gents'.

Oh, what? No doctors free? Or are we cost-cutting again?

I wish! Plumbers cost more than doctors.

Right, you've got my mobile.

We will manage.

You've got this afternoon off? Are you looking forward

-to your assessment course tomorrow?

-Yep.

-Just keep doing what you've

been doing, and you'll be back in your proper job.

We will spend the morning ironing out any last-minute wrinkles.

Hope so.

A while back I'd have jacked this job in in a heartbeat, but now...

You'll walk it. Fortune favours the brave.

'Happy days.

'I drink therefore I am drunk, we used to say. Loudly.'

Sores look a bit better.

Any pain?

'Always.'

No.

Some stiffness.

Sally's coming later. Bit of physio?

'Actually, I had other plans.

'A couple of hours giving you intense physical pleasure.'

Feeding tube OK?

'Maybe the roast duck for lunch, the first thing I cooked for you.

'Melted your heart.'

Fine.

Walk it off down the river

by that place we went skinny-dipping,

do you remember? In the moonlight?

Shave looks good.

'Can't say I don't know how to show a girl a good time.'

Think I've finally cracked it after four years.

Knew you wanted to look your best.

'Yeah.' DOORBELL RINGS

'Doesn't get better than this, does it?'

-I like your hair bobble.

-Ah, thank you! Just something I threw on!

-See you.

-See you, bye.

-Someone's winning hearts and minds.

-Mm?

Just wondering if romance is in the air?

What? No! Why?

The new look. Your dinner date you went on the other night with that

old mate, or was it an old flame?

No! It was just Anne-Marie, know her from my clubbing days.

Just Anne-Marie.

Yeah.

Yeah, she just got me thinking about stuff, that's all. You know,

like, erm, I maybe don't want to be single forever.

Hi, sorry. You must be Howard. I'm Fiona.

Yes, I'm probably early.

No, no, we're expecting you. You're this week's official highlight!

'Hello, Boss.'

-I'm just saying!

-Yeah, well you can stop now.

If you're serious, you've got to put yourself back out there.

And I said I was thinking my way round to doing something.

Could take weeks. Months!

Whoa! Slow down there, love machine! Baby steps!

Anyway, I've got Karen clinging to my apron strings,

I can hardly go inviting people back, can I?

WOLF WHISTLE

-Looking good!

-Oh, bog off, you two!

She's thinking about dating again.

Good. Been too long.

Yeah? The way she's going, she'll be thinking

about it till half past never.

Well, it would be a shame to let all that effort go to waste.

I'm so sorry. I had no idea. The email...

We should've said. I'm sorry.

We saw your name on a letter from the practice.

Ah, so you're a patient?

Home visits, obviously. Dr Haskey? He's been great.

-So, you and Johnny were in together?

-Hm.

That's me.

HE LAUGHS

Sierra Leone.

I had this dopey driver,

he managed to park his Land Rover sunny side up

in the middle of this swamp, with my foot underneath it, just as

a couple of rebel groups were starting to

exchange pleasantries together.

So there we were, in the middle of this swamp,

we couldn't shift this vehicle together,

my foot stuck underneath it and I'm dodging trace of fire.

And then out of this clearing, Johnny comes,

ten other lads behind him.

All the rebels scatter. He says,

"Hello, Boss!

"Need a lift?"

'Never felt more alive than that day.'

Stroke.

Brainstem. Barely back in civvies.

He's just the same up top, full of mischief.

But it took all his motor function.

Except the eyes, thank goodness.

It's slow going sometimes, but he spends hours preparing things.

Be good to catch up.

I want to die.

-Right, I'll see you later.

-See you!

-I've come for your blood!

-Ooh, while it's still warm.

Yeah, cos the courier's due soon and Mrs T gets the willies

if he's hanging about. Cos of the leathers!

Oh, thanks for them latex gloves, I was running out.

I bet you're going to ace this assessment, you know.

Oh, I hope so! Cos if I go back on full time,

I was thinking I could get my own place!

Nothing fancy. Maybe a futon, floor cushions, somewhere

I can turn up the MTV and leave me undies on the floor.

-If that's what you want.

-Yeah, I just said!

I mean, I know you're going to miss all that,

but you want me out your hair, don't you?

Just think it's a bit soon, that's all.

Maybe for you!

It feels like I've been swimming through treacle for months!

I'm only looking out for you!

Yeah, well thanks for the pep talk!

Karen, all I'm saying is maybe you should learn to walk

before you run, eh?

I can stand on me own two feet, thanks!

He doesn't mean it. He says it sometimes.

Tell him, Johnny.

I want to die.

Stop it, Johnny! You can't say this stuff!

Maybe you should leave.

Today.

Are you serious?

-Oh come on, mate.

-I'm calling Dave.

You...

We can't just...

It doesn't happen like that.

You are my witness.

Witness what?

Mill Health Centre.

I'm just worried it'll end in tears. She's still getting

over that salon interview.

It is a bit quick.

Maybe you could have a word with her?

Why doesn't she stay with me?

I've got a spare room, she can have her own key, and...

well she gets on famously with Chris and we can keep an eye on her.

No, that's not a problem. >

Look, I'll leave it with you.

You pick the right moment to talk to her.

-Thank you.

-I was coming by anyway.

I don't...

He was fine until Howard arrived. This is Dave Walker -

-another old friend of Johnny's.

-And solicitor.

CAR PULLS IN

Dr Haskey!

You didn't..?

No.

-Dave's here now.

-Hi, Johnny.

So, maybe you'll listen to him.

Talk alone.

I thought you had the morning off. What are you doing here?

I'm visiting a mate. What about you?

Visiting a patient, by appointment,

-so if you'll excuse me...

-Al!

What's going on here?

You know that I can't say.

Don't give me that.

I know you're not seriously here to do something illegal.

It's not assisted suicide, if that's what you're suggesting.

His ventilator is medical treatment, which he is entitled to refuse.

You're joking? We should be here to talk him out of it, not...

-We have discussed it, at length.

-But Fiona doesn't even...

He's tried to talk to her for months.

Look, Howard, he is stuck in a body that doesn't work.

He is in constant pain.

This is his decision.

It's his right.

Ready to sign?

Yeah.

It's the same as the one I mailed you,

but, erm...

Maybe you just want to take a bit more time to think?

'Think?'

I can't do that, Dave.

2001.

Very funny, but er...

..we're not just switching off a malfunctioning computer here, are we?

'No?

'What use is a computer with no answers?

'Life without meaning? Not that I haven't looked.

'Descartes, the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita.

'Winnie the Pooh.'

No more thinking.

But after this...

..there's no going back.

Action.

'While I still can.'

You can see how she's...

Just...

a little bit longer to accept it.

Never will. Told her.

"In the new year", I know.

She wouldn't hear it.

And you're right.

A date ringed on the calendar would've been worse.

But, er...

..it's going to be hard.

Been good friend to both of us.

Be there for her.

HE MOUTHS

Be good together.

She's great, but...

Just look after her.

CHRIS CLEARS HIS THROAT

Ta-daaa!

-What's this?

-That is your new profile, hot off the press.

Profile? What...?

Find The Right Mate! It's a website.

Oi-oi! Which I came up with.

Yeah, only cos you were going to do it yourself.

Yeah, like I need any more help finding birds.

No, your mates set up your profile with a pic.

A dating site?

Yeah.

You two had a good laugh, did you? Writing a load of garbage about me?

No... Have a...

I told you I was thinking about it!

Little boys and your... and your stupid computer games!

Get a life!

APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS

So, you two have had a chat?

Yeah.

This is an advance decision.

So now YOU want to help him kill himself?

No. It's-it's totally different to assisted suicide.

This is a legal document, expressing his wishes to refuse medical care...

I know what it is! And what it means.

HE SIGHS

He's asked that I sign for him and for you to witness.

Don't.

And for Dr Haskey to turn off his ventilator.

Stop! You won't!

It would be unethical to continue treatment against his will.

Fi...

these are his wishes.

What do you know about his wishes?! Any of you?

I'm the one who looks after him, 24-7, week-in, week-out!

We have our ups and downs. This is just a bad day.

I first discussed this with John at Christmas.

Now, as long as he is mentally competent, which he is...

How can he be?

I tested him then.

Test him again.

That tells us that this is what he wants.

No.

You...don't...know!

THIS...means nothing!

Look, Fi...

Don't come near me!

You were meant to be here as a friend! To help.

Now get out. All of you!

SHE SOBS

I know how hard things are.

You think I don't?

Sometimes...

Sometimes you say things you don't really mean.

Can't you see?

You've taken this too far.

No, they don't know who you really are under all this,

what you REALLY want!

No. No. No, I don't even want to hear it.

We've all said enough things that we'll regret for one day.

I've got lunch to make and then the physio's coming later.

You always feel a lot better after your physio.

And you haven't had nearly enough sleep.

Everything will look much better tomorrow.

TOILET FLUSHES

Aw, d'you lose your clip?

Too flashy for work.

Aw, it suited you!

Not that hairdressing's my forte, as we now officially know.

Sorry about before.

Me too.

No worries.

I'm a daft cow, cos you were just looking out for me.

Anyway, I mean, I couldn't afford the rent these days -

I couldn't even afford a shoebox, not even a lid off one!

So it looks like you're stuck with me.

If-if that's still OK?

Yeah. Yeah, course.

I, er...thought I might get out of your hair.

You've obviously got things to discuss.

PRINTER WHIRRS

What's this?

But I thought Fiona said...

Ah, mate, come on.

This isn't who we are.

We don't give up. We move on.

We overcome things, we-we take action...

I am.

Used to save lives.

'That's who I am.'

Help me save Fiona's.

My life sentence, not her's.

Let them think I gave up.

You are my witness.

'I was there for you, Boss.'

Are you sure this is what you want?

I'm sorry.

Bad idea.

But with good intentions.

If you'd have read it, you'd have seen that.

Mandy, do you seriously think I'd be messing you around

over something like this?

Me, of all people?

I know...it's a big deal.

-After everything that happened...

-Don't.

But she'd have wanted you to move on,

to live, not wither away.

You have a lot to offer.

I never meant to make things harder.

But if you're not ready...

No.

No!

How can you be...so...selfish?!

Just...

Just giving up?

Don't you love me?

'More than I can say.'

I could get my own solicitor.

I could fight you through the courts.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I just need you!

I need you.

Not me any more.

You are!

Can't touch you.

You are!

Please, don't leave me.

I. Ideas. Press.

SHE SNIFFS

Please. In sunshine.

SHE CRIES

Oh, good, you're not racing off anywhere.

No, just an afternoon nail-biting sesh.

It's just I was talking to Emma,

and she had this great idea that you should move into theirs!

As a proper lodger.

You know, you'd be independent and it's dead nice. And-and cheap.

You'd have friends on tap.

I think maybe you were right,

I-I'm not really ready for any of this.

No, no, no, I didn't... What I meant to say...

-ALL:

-SURPRISE!

Well, we could not let you go without a little send-off!

SHE LAUGHS

There you go. Knock 'em dead.

OK.

Go on! By the time the partners get back,

that and the cake will be on the endangered list.

It is non-alcoholic, so it will not impair your judgement.

OK, well... I'll-I'll just...

DOOR OPENS

What you doing here?

I heard about your do.

And I was...you know, just passing anyway.

Oh?

I thought I'd chip in and wish you luck.

Thank you.

-What's up?

-Nothing. It's...

No?

I don't think there's going to be anything much worth celebrating.

No. No, no.

You'll be all right.

I, er...

I thought these might help.

-Plays music.

-I know!

It's George Michael's greatest hits!

Yeah.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Ahhh!

Oh, rum and raisin, my favourite!

I've been looking everywhere!

Well, stopped selling it in the '90s.

Except in Tehran, apparently.

And I just thought...you'd had so much new stuff to deal with recently

that something familiar might help.

Not that you'd need it.

Have drink on me.

(Yeah.)

MONITORS BEEP

Off.

'The stone that puts the stars to flight.'

BEEPING STOPS

'Maybe Omar Khayyam got closest.

' "Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend

' "Before we, too, into the dust descend."

'I wish I'd kissed you more.

'Told you I love you more.

'Held you closer...

'..while I could.'

SHE CRIES

Um, hi.

Hi!

Er, I just wanted to say ta.

Thanks for all your kindness.

Um, cos everything that's happened to me lately

just makes you realise that life's shorter than you think.

Blink and you miss it.

So I'm going to go for it! I'm going to move into Emma's, if that's OK?

-Great!

-Probably get round all of you at this rate!

Yeah, I'm sure that Heston would appreciate a bit of George Michael.

THEY ALL LAUGH

Um, and I promise that I'll make you proud.

-Fortune favours the brave and all that.

-Aww.

KAREN LAUGHS

-Cheers!

-Can I have some cake?

Yes, of course you can!

-Ta.

-Here, have an extra big bit.

Oh, thank you.

SHE SOBS

# Don't worry

# Be happy

# In every life, we have some trouble

# But when you worry, you make it double

# Don't worry

# Be happy

# Don't worry, be happy now

# Ooh-ooh-hoo

# Hoo-hoo-ooh... #

Pub?

# Don't worry

# Woo-hoo-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

# Be happy

# Woo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Don'y worry, be happy

# Ooh-ooh-hoo

# Hoo-hoo-ooh

# Woo-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

# Don't worry

# Woo-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... #

-Oh, 'scuse fingers.

-It's all right.

Eh! That doesn't mean you're on a promise!

I know that look.

Do you?

Do you?

I...

Um...

You got your game face on? I'm ready when you are.

Er, change of plan, I'm afraid.

Bucky Rogers!

The Hasker!

Dude, are those the same trainers you wore to college?

No...

THEY LAUGH

Is something wrong?

I found a body.

Pull it together, Haskey!

You keep telling me how good you are, so get on it.