Old Wounds Doctors

-'Morning. Coffee?

-Oh, yes, thanks.

'So how was your weekend away?

'Great.

'Really?

'No. I mean...yes. It was lovely.

'I'm just a bit...tired, that's all.

'Tired after two days in a health spa?

'Well, all that pampering can be utterly exhausting, don't you know?

'How's Chris? He was in bed when I got back last night.

-'I've hardly seen him myself all weekend.

-Oh.'

Sit yourself down, love.

Hot from the pot.

And a full English coming up.

You don't have to do all this.

Well, somebody needs to,

seeing as that wife of yours is leading you a merry dance.

Nothing new there, mind.

It's complicated.

You know me.

Never one to pass a hasty judgment until I've seen for myself.

One sausage or two?

Just one, thanks.

I was hoping to see her while I'm down.

I'll mention it. See what she says.

You do that, love.

Yes, of course. Next Tuesday at 10 o'clock. Goodbye.

Good morning, Mr Bellamy.

I must say how very smart you look today.

Only if I may repay the compliment, Mrs Tembe.

Is that a new...hairstyle? Very fetching.

Thank you. Today of all days, we need to make a good impression.

Exactly, Mrs Tembe.

I can always rely on you to make a good impression.

Unlike some others I could mention.

What is this? Dress down Monday?

You are aware, I assume, of what's happening today?

No.

Well, a reminder may be in order. Mrs Tembe. Personnel meeting.

Staff room, ten minutes.

Yes, Mr Bellamy. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Mr Bellamy has called an all personnel meeting in the staff room

in ten minutes. Thank you.

PHONE RINGS

Hollins household.

Um...um... Is Rob there, please?

He's popped out for a pint of milk.

Hello, Karen, love.

Aunty Ag?

Oh, there's something you remember.

Rob talks ever so much about you.

You're obviously someone very special to him.

Ah, I suppose there are some memories that can never die.

I was hoping to see you while I'm down.

I'd like that.

That's settled, then. Robert and I will come for our lunch.

I don't finish work until two.

Not to worry.

We had a cooked breakfast so a late lunch will do.

And don't go to any bother.

You know me, never one to make a fuss. Bye, love.

Who was that?

Karen.

She's asked us round to lunch. Isn't that nice?

Really? I don't think she's ready for that.

I take it she's not forgotten how to cook?

Although some might say that was a blessing in disguise.

The thing is...you two have never really seen eye to eye, have you?

Well, what better chance for a fresh start?

I'm sure it's not as bad as you say.

She was ever the drama queen, your Karen.

Anyway, I shall soon see for myself.

You will be nice, won't you?

Of course I will, Robert, love.

SHE WHISTLES

Hey, hot stuff. What's all this in aid of?

-You're a moron, Tyler.

-Or should I say who?

You don't have to dress up for me, you know.

Can't we find him a muzzle?

I hear Daniel's back today.

Did he have a nice time?

A botox conference in Athens

followed by a week with his mother and Izzie.

I very much doubt it.

And breathe.

Good?

Right.

There is a chicken pie in the freezer.

Take it out, put it in the oven.

There are prawns and salad in the fridge,

and that will do for your starter.

Have you got a teapot?

In the cupboard next to the oven.

Table cloth and napkins?

In the drawer in the dresser.

Drinks coaster?

Why the panic? Are you getting memories?

No, no, something is just telling me I've got to make an effort.

And she did sound like ever such a nice lady on the phone.

It'll be fine.

I have been lobbying for this meeting since my arrival here.

Finally, after a catalogue of cancellations

and postponements, it's D-day,

and nobody seems to be taking me seriously.

Well, with the exception of Mrs Tembe.

-It's a visit from the vice chancellor.

-New vice chancellor.

-You make it sound like it's the Queen Mother.

-God rest her soul.

Need I point out that the automatic enrolment of students

to the campus surgery is a benefit to the practice as a whole?

Haven't we got enough students as it is?

That's why your job is healing the sick

while my job is the profitability and growth of this business,

hence the need to make a good first impression -

-starting with your appearance.

-Hear, hear.

Now, I'm counting on your support, Mrs Tembe.

I'll be back after lunch, in which time I expect

everything to be shipshape, in Bristol fashion, and ready for inspection.

Yes, Mr Bellamy.

Oh, um...

Mr Bellamy, you have forgotten your...

Oh, no! Look what they have done!

What is under your hand?

Oh, my...

I told them straight.

Never underestimate the perils of a poorly conducted location risk assessment.

Took a while, but in the end...

PHONE RINGS

Call of duty.

Yes, Captain.

Barry. We have a situation. Graffiti. Priority removal.

Estimated time to resolve?

That's dependent on several variables.

Chemicals used, length of time it's been there, agitation.

Spray paint.

23 to 48 minutes, and as the vice chancellor

is arriving at 1700 hours, not nearly as agitated as me.

So the question still stands -

how long will it take to get off?

Somewhere between two and four hours dependent on said variables.

Good. How long will it take you to get here?

Estimated ETA,

18 hours and 40 minutes.

That's nine o'clock tomorrow morning!

I'm on a course. Terrorism awareness training.

Given the dearth of terrorist activity in Letherbridge, it's hardly a priority, is it?

You'll have to take it up with HR.

Mine is not to reason why.

Although I'd like to think it was down to repeated

and strenuous campaigning on my part.

Well, it's the new vice chancellor.

How's this going to reflect on campus security?

If I didn't know you better, Captain Bellamy, I'd say that sounded like a threat.

No, no, no. Nothing of the sort.

It's an emergency and I need a man.

One man in particular. And that man's name is Bigalow.

# La la la la la... #

Sorry... You're not Zara.

No, we swapped. She's over at the Mill.

I thought she wasn't expecting you till this evening?

I took an earlier flight. I was going to surprise her.

Good trip?

Yeah, good. Long. Hard work. Glad to be back.

-I'll leave you to it.

-See you around.

Hi. Come on in. Grab a seat.

I'm Dr Clay.

Good man, Barry. I knew I could rely on you.

I wasn't informed it was a new sign. And it's acrylic.

-Is that a problem?

-I thought you meant graffiti on a brick wall.

-And?

-And the good news is this will be easier to clean.

Excellent.

The bad news is brick's a porous surface.

So I brought a gel based remover, when what we're going to need is...

I get the story - how long's it going to take?

-I'll be back within the hour.

-The VC's due in four.

In that case, I'll need an extra pair of hands.

Now, you're aware we have a graffiti situation.

Yeah. Art student's my guess. Have you not seen it?

It's classic. It's a doctor with a...

Thank you.

..part of the male anatomy on his head.

-His name tag says "Dr Dick Furbrane."

-Not bad.

Yes, well, I beg to differ.

Anyway, I need a volunteer to help clean it off.

Obviously not Mrs Tembe.

-Anything to help.

-Excellent.

But I've got a social workers' case meeting, sorry.

Jimmi, then.

-It's not possible, I'm afraid.

-Why not? We're not exactly inundated.

It's paint. Flashpoint. It's unremovable.

This is an emergency. Surely this once...

I'm not sure it's worth taking the risk.

Quite right.

That's for me.

Just go straight through.

Hello, stranger. We weren't expecting you today.

Officially I'm not here.

I'm just here on a flying visit to see Zara and drop these off.

Presents?

Retsina.

You trying to tell me something?

Sorry - that's for Mandy.

That's yours.

It's a calendar.

Classical erotica. A new position for every month of the year.

Thank you very much.

As you're here, have you got a minute?

I could do with some advice.

Later. I want to see Zara.

Daniel. I didn't know you were coming in.

-I just dropped in to...

-Your timing couldn't have been better.

I need to have a chat about the hypertension guidelines update.

-Can't that wait?

-Sadly not.

I have a meeting with the CCG later and I have to be sure

the partners are all singing from the same hymn sheet,

so it won't take long.

Some would call that post-modernist satire.

The VC won't. Can we get started?

Festina lente. Translated from the Latin as "make haste slowly".

Graffiti removal is a highly specialised process.

Acrylic surfaces are easily

and permanently damaged by the wrong chemical choice.

Do you know the Latin for "get a move on"?

We have to patch test the different approaches first.

Well. This is a nice welcome!

She's expecting us. I'm sure she can't have gone out.

It wouldn't be the first time.

I'm ever so sorry. I didn't hear the bell. I was in the garden.

Hello, Karen, love.

You smell...

Here we go.

..familiar.

I recognise your smell. You must have meant a lot to me.

Oh. That's one way of putting it.

I'm really looking forward to spending the afternoon with you.

Come in.

-That's the approach I'd take. OK.

-All right.

She's on a house call. She shouldn't be too long.

In which case, I'll hang around, then.

In that case, have you got a moment?

Yes, of course. Come through.

Looks like you've fallen on your feet.

Not for the first time.

Still, I expect you feel quite at home here.

Yeah, Emma's been lovely. Really kind.

Can I get you a drink?

My usual, pet.

Cream sherry.

In a schooner.

(What's a schooner?)

Large. Large.

I'd call that partially successful.

I'd call it a disaster. We've removed everything apart from the...

Very cunning. I'd say the graffitist is a cut above our usual.

See here? Oil based. Gloss or emulsion applied with a brush.

We didn't leave the solution on for long enough.

So what do we do now?

We apply more.

And then we wait.

Have we got any more?

I'll have to check.

-Affirmative.

-Hallelujah!

Well, come on, then!

You missed a bit.

That looks lovely, Karen.

You've gone to a lot of effort.

Makes a nice change.

And he could do with a decent meal inside him.

Fair wasting away, what with all the trouble he's had.

Joints will be carved.

Not that you hear him complain. Takes after his mother like that.

Oh, um - Rob's mum was your sister?

Saintly woman. Dragged down by a bad choice of life partner.

He's a lot like her.

I don't think I'm quite up for canonisation just yet.

You're a hero.

Proudest day of my life, when Robert got his bravery medal.

Just a shame you weren't there to see it.

Salad dressing, Aunty Ag?

In my day, olive oil was something you got at the chemist.

Does wonders for the lumbago.

God knows what it does for your insides.

Your aunty's a hoot.

You never said she was so funny.

Anyway, we thought she was ready to resume her receptionist duties

-and, touch wood, things seem to be going smoothly.

-Great.

An hour of my time wasted...

And she's been dating Rob. So Karen's an awful lot happier.

Yeah. Glad to hear that.

Angina and acute indigestion, brought on by...

-We can catch up another time.

-Sure.

PHONE RINGS

Daniel, your phone.

Oh, yeah.

Hello. Daniel Granger.

Hello, Mrs Bunyon.

Yes, well, technically I'm not actually here today.

I'm not quite sure why you got put through.

I can put you through to one of the other doc...

Of course I can understand your frustration.

Nurse Reid. Will you please keep still?

Dr Clay.

You are joking!

Well, at least put your jacket on!

There. Much better.

Thank you.

Great - I look like Walter the Softy.

Did you succeed?

Mission accomplished.

30 minutes to spare before the arrival of the VC.

Well done, Mrs Tembe. They're almost acceptable.

Which is more than can be said of you.

Oh.

Is everything all right?

It's actually very tasty.

I was a bit pushed for time so it's one of Emma's from the freezer.

That would explain it, then.

Aunty.

Don't mind me, love. Just one of my little jokes.

You used to love my little jokes, didn't she, Robert?

-Have you a planned a summer holiday?

-Not as yet.

But I'm toying with the idea of Loch Lomond

with members of the Ladies' Tangent.

I used to love Scotland.

Where did that come..? Did I love Scotland?

Hm. These carrots are very good. Are they from the garden?

Did we go on holiday there?

Not really.

-He means not ever.

-Why not?

I hate midges.

Well, that's not a reason.

It is for me.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's insect bites.

So you write off a whole country because you don't like a few insects?

Then there's the 12-hour journey

and the unlikelihood of decent weather.

So we never once in all those years went to Scotland?

-We made a compromise.

-How did that work?

You made all the holiday decisions and I just got to lump it?

Well! This is just like old times.

Our marriage was always like this?

Yes, love.

Hey! He's back, and rumour is he's bearing gifts.

-Where's Zara?

-She's at diabetes clinic. Shouldn't be long.

Marvellous.

So, what did you buy me?

Hey, are you busy?

I just wondered if you had time for that chat now?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Course.

That was really lovely. Wasn't it, Aunty Ag?

-Would you like some more coffee?

-No, thank you.

I wouldn't want to make a toilet stop on the way back.

Chocolate?

I'll stick with a parma violet. Aids the digestion.

It's time me and Robert were leaving.

Bye, love.

And it's nice to know that after all this, you haven't changed a bit.

That smell... Violets. I can't stand the smell of violets...

You hate me! We hate each other!

Here we go.

There's nothing wrong with your memory now, is there?

I'm right, aren't I? She can't stand the sight of me.

I won't deny it - I've always thought he could do better.

And it's still not too late.

Why did you bring her here?

Are you going to let her talk to me like that?

This could be just the chance you need,

given she's forgotten all about your marriage.

I can remember you're a nasty vindictive old bat.

Oh, you remember that but claim to have forgotten your own children!

Right, that's enough now!

I'll have my say.

I've had them both on the phone in tears. Fair breaks my heart.

Granted, you were never going to win any medals as mother of the year,

but even I never thought you'd forget your own flesh and blood

and then refuse to even try and remember them.

Was I a bad mother?

No, of course not.

It's just that Aunty Ag's a bit too over-protective, that's all.

You spared the rod and spoiled the children.

It's a miracle they turned out as well as they did.

You told me... You said that I was a good mother.

You were.

There's no need for all this!

Don't you touch me! I hate you.

And I hate you, too!

I came to see if there's anything else you need?

Everything's under control.

Right. In that case, I'll be off, then.

Not so fast, Barry. First class job today.

You dug me out of a hole.

I think it's only fair as an essential member of the team

today, you should stick around to greet the vice chancellor.

May I?

Mr Bellamy, I think there is something you should come and see.

You had no right to say those things.

She's heard worse - it never bothered her before.

You really don't get it, do you? Karen hasn't got a "before."

You don't even exist in her world for another five years!

Have you any idea what she's going through?

She's lost almost 30 years of her life

and she might never get them back. Can you imagine how frightening...

no, not frightening... how terrifying that must be?

Enough, Robert. You don't have to explain.

Your Karen would have eaten her own eyeballs before she'd let me make her cry.

I hate to say this, but I think I prefer the old one.

I know you can hear me, Karen!

You have to admit, it's quite funny.

I'll admit nothing of the sort. And why in God's name would the vice chancellor give us

more students when we can't even control the ones we've got?

Well, maybe we could paint over it.

Not in five minutes, we can't!

We could always take it down and clean it later?

That is an excellent idea, Dr Clay.

Course, that's probably what you should've done all along, eh?

I swear that woman will be the death of me.

Mrs Donovon!

She couldn't explain why her blood sugar levels were through the roof

and neither could I until I saw the contents of her shopping basket,

which consisted mainly of cola and custard creams.

What the hell is that?

Ah! It's cute, isn't it? It's from Daniel.

I'm going to take it to craft group and embroider...

Daniel?

Yeah. He brought it back from Greece.

Daniel, here? In this building?

Yeah. He's still about, I think.

Since when exactly?

Since lunchtime-ish.

It's not like I'm disillusioned with general practice,

but am I being stretched enough?

I think it's time that we made more use of my...

Babe.

So!

You swan off for weeks at a time then you come back early

and spend the entire day here without so much as a hello!

Well, hello, Daniel!

Trust me, I've tried.

Oh, spare me. If you think you can wriggle your way out of this one, you are sadly mistaken.

This is low even for you!

You've been busy!

Like you've been busy, doling out tacky souvenirs!

Yes, and I have one for you, too.

If you think some piece of tourist tat can make everything all right,

then you are sadly deluded, Daniel Granger,

because I will never, ever forgive you for...

It's for you.

It's beautiful.

May I? This is an eternity bracelet.

Because every day apart from you felt like one.

-Are you crying?

-No.

It's just...

I've missed you.

Oh, baby, I missed you. I missed you.

They are real, aren't they?

Vice Chancellor, Howard Bellamy.

-Pleased to meet you.

-This is Barry Bigalow, third in command security.

-Pleased to meet you, Barry.

-This way.

-Thank you.

Thanks for lunch.

Thanks for sticking up for me.

Any time.

Bye, love. I wish you the very best with your recovery.

And I'm pleased to see you're still wearing that.

Even if it was a ridiculous amount

to spend just to patch over that bit of trouble.

Trouble? What trouble?

Have you seen the time? You're going to miss your train.

-Have I put my foot in it?

-What trouble?

Do you fancy a second lunch?

Oh, yeah, great. You can tell me what Aunty Ag meant.

-Chris, are you sure that's bruising?

-I am absolutely fine.

I bought you the ring because I love you

and I want to be with you for ever.

# Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. #

-Please, don't.

-Just tell me.

OK.