Playtime Doctors


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KNOCKING Hh-hm.

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HAMMERING

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Ah! Oh.

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Right, that's the, er, dodgy floorboard done and both sticky doors.

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Ah, thanks, love. But you don't want to spend your whole day off fixing up my place.

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I like looking after you.

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Oh! Sweaty.

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Ah, you like it really.

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Anyway, erm...

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I was wondering if, er, maybe I should ditch my place.

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What, move in?

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I mean, we've been together a while now. Seems right?

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Course I would need somewhere for office stuff.

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Right. You mean... the spare room?

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I know, I'm sorry.

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I don't mean to push. It's just I want us to have a future.

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Maybe even a baby of our own. Unless...you don't.

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No. No, I do.

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OK. Yeah.

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-Maybe it is time.

-Yeah?

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So, Jimmi, have you heard anything from Mrs Tembe today?

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Er, not yet.

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She's on her way back from the Campus, apparently.

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-And swanning off to Botswana in days.

-Which is why she's busy.

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Which is why we should have heard about her replacement before now.

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Daniel and I told her that she had our full confidence...

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I miss one meeting.

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-..in finding someone suitable, so I'm sure she will.

-When?

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Oh, look, I've got to take Joe to a dentist appointment.

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But I should have been consulted and had a veto.

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But now Mrs Tembe's gone radio silent which is highly suspicious, and you're just

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acting weirdly relaxed.

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-Yeah, what have you been up to?

-I had Will over, for the weekend.

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-Oh, your nephew?

-Yeah, did I tell you he was a nurse-apprentice?

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-No.

-Yeah, he's a good laugh as well.

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So, it's been a bit of a blur of beer and fast food and late nights.

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Oh, dear, you are going to be swimming in toxins.

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Luckily though, I'm sourcing some organic seaweed at lunchtime, so I'll pick you up some extra.

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Oh, organic seaweed! That just made your day.

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I'm looking forward to my toxins - an afternoon spent wine-tasting.

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So, a weekend of debauchery?

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And then you stay up until dawn clearing up, right?

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No, no. I'm trying this new approach. So, erm, the beer bottles

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and the pizza boxes, they just lay where they fell.

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And now my place looks a lot more like your place.

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As it should be!

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Yeah, will do.

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Joanne Webber, would you like to go through to Dr Carter? He's ready.

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Have you seen the hole punch?

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Ooh, hang on.

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-Buttons! They haven't always been there, have they?

-No.

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Yeah.

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BUZZING

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Press it again.

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Come on, let's do this.

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I'll see what other bad habits I can push on to you.

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You've got plenty to choose from, haven't you?

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-Will! What are you doing here? This is Will.

-I just called into St Phil's about my transfer.

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-Yeah?

-Which is looking...positive.

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So I thought I'd drop in, see how Uncle Jimmi rolls.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, can I get a rewind?

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-Uncle Jimmi?!

-Rein it in.

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Erm, could you grab a coffee till lunch?

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-And you're going to have to wait for another time to corrupt me.

-Oh, no worries, Uncle Jimmi.

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Yeah, easy, walk away.

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Hm-hmm.

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Yeah.

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Think that's OK...

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Yes, as I said before, the IUD

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can stay in for about ten years providing you don't have any issues.

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Erm, actually...

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..I wanted to ask, would I have any problems if I did have it taken out?

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-Do you mean fertility problems?

-Yes.

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Well, you've been signed off by the oncologist...

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-Yeah, all clear.

-You weren't on any chemotherapy.

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No.

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I think if the IUD is removed, normal fertility will be resumed

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with the caveat that it gets a bit harder as one gets older.

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-Yes.

-Then you have been pregnant before?

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-Yes.

-How did that go?

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Erm...

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I lost her.

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-My daughter, Charlotte.

-Um...

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-Was this during pregnancy?

-No, erm...

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No, it was in her teens.

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-Was it a genetic problem?

-No.

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Look, I'm sorry, it was a long time ago

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and I really don't want to talk about it.

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So, if we could just...

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Yes, well, if you need the IUD removed, please make an appointment.

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Yes. Will do. Thank you, doctor.

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Um, ah. That one's not wired up yet.

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Ah!

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-You're going to wear that out!

-Bye then!

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Thank you.

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-Oh!

-Ah, you have found my secret button.

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And my note.

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I was hoping that you would not touch anything

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until I had a chance to brief you.

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The green button is to lock and unlock the door.

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For safety and security reasons, when we have evening surgery

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and minimal staff.

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Er, you will be pleased to hear that I am addressing all

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the security issues, under the guidance of Sergeant Hollins.

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So, hopefully, there should be no further concerns.

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Because of your secret button?

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Well, yes.

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Yes, and I have organised a role-playing workshop

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with a trainer this lunchtime.

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Now? I've got plans.

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-And me.

-Lunch will be provided.

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Role-play!

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You said it was an invaluable exercise with Dr Reid and Dr Clay.

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It was then, with them,

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but not as some box-ticking jolly for the receptionists.

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A jolly? In my lunch break?

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It is an NHS initiative.

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You yourself highlighted the dangers of receptionists

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having to deal with problematic patients, did you not?

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-Did I?

-I had to organise it quickly before my trip to Botswana.

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Yes, speaking of which, what about your stand-in?

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It is all in hand.

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Once I have crossed the T's and dotted the I's.

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Yes, but who is it?

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It is no-one you know.

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Mind you, I suppose role-play could be quite fun.

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So what does this other button do?

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No, no. That is to alert the police.

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SIREN BLARES

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-Off to your wine tasting?

-Er, yeah.

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Ah, right, I'm all yours!

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Oh, er, Heston, Ayesha, this is my nephew, Will.

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Oh, hi. Heston Carter.

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Oh, yeah. How's life on the fast track?

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-Fast track?

-Your, er, nurse-apprenticeship, thingy.

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Bit like proper nursing, isn't it but without all the real stuff?

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No, it's just the new way of training.

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You know, without all that outdated stuff.

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Oh, OK, junior. Well, erm, how about I give you a tour of the surgery?

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Show you what a real, grown-up nurse does.

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You're on.

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Fine. He's house-trained.

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-Not what I've heard.

-I'll get some sandwiches in.

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-Something wrong?

-Erm...

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Well, I've just seen a patient who said she lost her daughter,

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but there's no record of the daughter beyond the age of 15.

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Maybe she just ran away. You know what teenage girls are like.

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Yeah, but she was very insistent on the loss,

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but there's no record of the death of a Charlotte Webber.

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Which is, erm, a little bit odd.

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Hey...

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Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

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I just... I wanted to talk.

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Just once.

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Please.

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I am so sorry.

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But at least we know that the button actually works.

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Role-play! It's... it's a waste of my time.

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It's a box-ticking exercise because of our old friend evening appointments.

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It's probably some dried up old stick with halitosis.

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All right.

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Er, this is Mr Scotty.

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He will be doing the role-play with you this afternoon.

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Ladies. A pleasure.

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Oh, no, the pleasure's all ours!

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Been looking forward to this, haven't we?

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Oh, yes, all morning.

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PHONE RINGS

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What's it regarding?

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Cos, we can't help you unless you can say what's wrong.

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HE SCREECHES

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-You got an appointment?

-I've got a headache!

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Well then, stop banging!

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I am Mrs Wilberforce, I have an urgent appointment.

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OK, well, if you would like to take a seat.

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-Oi!

-No!

-She said take a seat!

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Er, Mrs Wilberforce, the doctor will see you now.

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OK, so you've got a headache?

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HE CACKLES

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Hello, sweetheart. Where's your mummy?

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I am Ms Wilberforce, Scotty's mummy.

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Right, well, will you try and control him, please?

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Unfortunately I cannot control him.

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As the doctor said, if it gets any worse just go straight to A&E, OK?

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-Give us a bite?

-Get off!

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BUZZER DRONES

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Hi, Scotty! Why don't you and I fly off to the play area together?

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-Come on!

-BOTH: Neeoow!

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Yes, very good.

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-No, no, no. Let him out. Safety issue.

-Oh.

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BUZZER DRONES

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I think we should pretend to press the button

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to avoid any further emergency services involvement.

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Red button - buzz.

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Nee-nah, nee-nah, nee-nah.

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Very good.

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Very good indeed.

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-Oh, hiya. Er...

-Yeah? Can I help you with something?

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I was just looking for...

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..Jo. Is she in?

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-What's it about?

-Just a chat.

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-It's not a good time.

-Then, when?

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-She just said it's not a good time.

-No, no. It's all right.

-No it isn't.

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-You can't just wander in, like you live here.

-Please.

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You'd better go.

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She said get out.

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What's your problem?

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I'm her son!

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You what...?

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Please, just go!

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Your son?

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Oh, excuse me. I'm looking for a Jo Webber?

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Er, yeah. It's probably not a good time.

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Oh, I see. Sorry, you are...

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-Her son.

-Ah.

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Dr Carter.

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Wasn't there a daughter,

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-Charlotte?

-Yeah, years ago.

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But I'm...Chas now.

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-Grub up.

-Mmm, nice.

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-Hungry work, this baby-sitting.

-Eh, this baby needs feeding.

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-How's it going?

-He seems to know one end of a thermometer from the another, so...

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Never doubted it.

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Yeah, I came out at 15, which was...

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..hard.

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Still felt trapped.

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Couldn't even change my name until I was 16.

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Ah...that explains the records.

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Yeah, Mum. She just went straight into denial.

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So, I went straight out the door.

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Yeah, I thought, by now, she might have come round.

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Every year, I...

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..I reach out, on my birthday.

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But there's nothing there.

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So, I decided, this time would be my last.

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So much for many happy returns.

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She's still your mother.

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How come you're here anyway?

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-Is she OK?

-I'm really can't say.

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But why this lie about Charlotte?

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You could have just told me that she was...

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-..that he was...

-I know, I'm sorry.

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I thought she'd died!

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-DOORBELL RINGS

-Don't!

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Mum, I just...

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Oh, she's already told you twice, so just leave.

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Oh! That looks painful.

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We need to get something cold on this.

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No, of course. Come in.

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-Straight through there.

-Through here?

-Yeah.

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You have just seen the doctor.

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I want to see a different one!

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I'm afraid there's nobody else on duty.

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What sort of GPs doesn't have doctors?!

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-I can make you another appointment.

-Right, I'll see him again then!

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Oh, no, you don't! He's in there with someone else.

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-Well, get him out here now!

-Oh. OK.

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Buzz.

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Nee-nah, nee-nah, nee nah.

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I am WPC Wilberforce.

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-That was fast!

-What seems to be the problem here?

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This gentleman is causing a disturbance

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because we won't let him go and see the doctor again.

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Get out of my way! Ah! Argh!

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Please...I'm sorry

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Mr Scotty, I am arresting you for breach of the peace.

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It's just, he said it was terminal.

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What am I supposed to tell my kids?

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Frozen peas, anything from the freezer will do.

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-Have a seat.

-I could take him down the hospital.

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-You're not getting rid of me that easily.

-OK, I don't think it's broken.

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Argh... Are you ill?

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-No.

-Then why's the doctor here?

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You don't have to do this. I can take...

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Keep it elevated.

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I can sort it.

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By it do you mean me?

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I can't do this.

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I've made it worse, haven't I?

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It's not your fault.

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It's mine. I lied.

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To you, to Andy.

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How am I going to explain that to her.

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Him. It's been years, now.

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I don't even know him.

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You two need to talk, in private

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That last one was really good.

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-Good.

-Yeah, but I was thinking, maybe,

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maybe we should have given it more time to try

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and calm things down, before going for the button.

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Good! I am glad that you found the exercise useful.

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Well, that was the last of Mrs Tembe's prepped examples.

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But, er, I am still on the clock.

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So, if there's anything else you'd like to workshop, then...?

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Oh, yes, loads, isn't there? Erm...

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..dealing with tricky co-workers.

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Erm... being at the beck and call of dismissive doctors.

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-And managers.

-And managers.

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Erm...

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Having extra work just dumped on you with no warning.

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Yes!

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-Hmm.

-Huh.

0:17:200:17:21

It's so weird.

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It's like looking at someone else's life.

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I can't believe you just...

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..kept it all.

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It's all I've got left now.

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My daughter's gone for good.

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It wasn't like I had a choice.

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You wore dresses, ribbons in your hair!

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You played with dolls.

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Because you wanted me to!

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And I didn't want to let you down.

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But it wasn't who I am.

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She doesn't want to deal with this...nonsense.

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And we're here, faffing about with tea.

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I think nonsense is a little bit inappropriate.

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Look, we're all born either male or female

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bar the odd mistake of nature.

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Well, much of what society thinks of as gender - pink, blue, dolls,

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rugby - is putting people into rather simplistic categories.

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And as someone whose interests are often described as unmanly -

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opera, fine wine, nice tea -

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I too have often felt something of an outsider.

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That I can believe.

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You were my baby girl.

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You were my whole world.

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I gave birth to you.

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I fed you.

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I kissed you better.

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-I dried your tears.

-I know, I was there.

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I mean, what happened?

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I mean to the white wedding.

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You know, maybe having grandkids one day.

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Everything I hoped for.

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What happened to your mum always being there?

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Loving you no matter what.

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No, I never stopped loving you.

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I just, I needed time, to grieve.

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Everything changed in a flash.

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Suddenly you, you were gone...

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..to somewhere that I couldn't understand.

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It was like you'd never been.

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Have you had the lot done?

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Oh, my baby...

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How could you?

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It was part of you.

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I knew you wouldn't understand.

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Wouldn't I?

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Cancer?

0:20:410:20:42

I'd only just found out when you told me that you were...

0:20:450:20:49

I was a mum, a woman...

0:20:540:20:57

..and then suddenly nothing.

0:20:590:21:02

Mutilated.

0:21:040:21:06

Everything that made me me.

0:21:060:21:08

Not...complete.

0:21:100:21:11

That was how I felt for years.

0:21:130:21:16

You know the biggest loss was always you.

0:21:190:21:22

That never healed, no matter what.

0:21:260:21:28

I'm still here, Mum.

0:21:280:21:30

I'm right here.

0:21:300:21:32

I still need you.

0:21:320:21:33

I haven't changed, not really.

0:21:350:21:38

I still hate peas.

0:21:380:21:39

You have done very well.

0:21:410:21:44

Perhaps we should bring this exercise to a close now.

0:21:470:21:50

-But I want you to do the same again...tomorrow...

-No!

0:21:500:21:55

-..while standing on your heads and juggling upside-down.

-No!

0:21:550:21:58

The power of no!

0:21:580:21:59

Well, practice makes perfect!

0:22:010:22:03

The power of pointless box-ticking exercises.

0:22:040:22:07

And you two... you ticked yourselves right off.

0:22:070:22:10

-No!

-You're ticking us off!

0:22:100:22:12

The main thing is whether you both feel like you got something out of it.

0:22:120:22:16

Oh, yeah, no, definitely. It was quite fun actually, wasn't it?

0:22:160:22:19

Yeah. Almost worth missing lunch for.

0:22:190:22:22

And I promise that we will put into practice

0:22:220:22:25

-everything that we've learned.

-Good.

0:22:250:22:27

This was a bad idea.

0:22:290:22:31

You saw how vulnerable she is.

0:22:310:22:33

She needs me with her, to lean on.

0:22:330:22:35

-Well, if she does, I'm sure she'll be happy...

-Yeah, she's not strong.

0:22:350:22:38

Andy, there are lots of different kinds of strength.

0:22:390:22:43

-Oh, what does that even mean?

-Well...

0:22:430:22:44

You know what she's been through!

0:22:440:22:46

There's the strength, for example, that women have -

0:22:460:22:50

going through childbirth -

0:22:500:22:51

and the strength to pursue a difficult path, like Chas.

0:22:510:22:57

I dunno about any of that stuff, right?

0:22:570:22:59

But I know Jo and she needs me.

0:22:590:23:01

Ah. All right, love? Sorted?

0:23:030:23:05

-Yeah.

-Good.

0:23:060:23:08

Erm...

0:23:080:23:11

I was just wondering how you'd feel about

0:23:110:23:14

putting the move off.

0:23:140:23:15

What?

0:23:170:23:18

It's just that, erm,

0:23:180:23:20

I'm going to need Chas' room for when he comes to stay.

0:23:200:23:23

But what about us? What about our plans?

0:23:240:23:27

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry.

0:23:270:23:30

But it's not for ever.

0:23:300:23:32

We've still got time, haven't we?

0:23:320:23:34

He's my son.

0:23:370:23:39

Look, I know that it's a lot for us all to take in.

0:23:390:23:42

And maybe we should take some time,

0:23:420:23:45

you know, to come to terms with it.

0:23:450:23:47

Yeah.

0:23:490:23:51

Right you two, drink up.

0:23:540:23:56

I've got work to do.

0:23:560:23:58

So, you out tonight?

0:23:580:23:59

-No.

-Oh, yes.

0:24:000:24:02

And there was me all geared up for the hotspots of Letherbridge.

0:24:020:24:05

Mmm. I'm not sure he knows any.

0:24:050:24:07

There must be one decent bar.

0:24:070:24:09

-It's a school night.

-Well, if you're in late in, I'll write you a note.

0:24:090:24:14

I know a pub. Does live music on a Monday.

0:24:140:24:16

Ooh, someone's going to land Uncle Jimmi on the naughty step.

0:24:160:24:20

I'll do me best.

0:24:200:24:21

Hey. You...

0:24:250:24:26

Look, if you want to chat about...

0:24:290:24:32

..anything we could go grab a pint at some point.

0:24:320:24:37

Yeah.

0:24:370:24:39

Maybe.

0:24:390:24:40

Sorry for earlier.

0:24:520:24:53

Worrying you like that,

0:24:530:24:54

but it wasn't really a lie.

0:24:540:24:56

I did lose a daughter.

0:24:570:24:58

You know, I had an aunt who died of breast cancer,

0:25:010:25:04

she left my cousins without a mum. At least I'm here to try again.

0:25:040:25:08

Do you think that if it does run in the family

0:25:100:25:12

Chas will have less chance of getting it?

0:25:120:25:15

-It's worth investigating. Good luck.

-Thank you.

0:25:150:25:19

Nice to...meet you.

0:25:200:25:22

So...what now?

0:25:250:25:28

I don't know.

0:25:280:25:29

But it is your birthday

0:25:290:25:31

and that's definitely worth celebrating.

0:25:310:25:34

Come on.

0:25:340:25:36

About your replacement, Mrs Tembe.

0:25:440:25:46

I am afraid I have a mountain of things to organise.

0:25:460:25:49

Of which this should be top of the list.

0:25:490:25:52

Unless there is some reason you're avoiding telling me who it is.

0:25:520:25:54

Of course not.

0:25:540:25:56

Good, because however Daniel and Jimmi may have abdicated responsibility,

0:25:560:26:00

I still expect to have a say.

0:26:000:26:01

Look, my replacement will be coming in to meet the team on Thursday.

0:26:010:26:05

By which time it'll be too late to find an alternative!

0:26:050:26:08

There is a short list of other candidates, but he is my preferred.

0:26:080:26:12

I just want people to have an open mind before they actually meet him.

0:26:130:26:18

Open mind? About what?

0:26:180:26:22

Well...nothing specific.

0:26:220:26:24

It's just that some people can over-react.

0:26:240:26:27

Over-react to what?!

0:26:270:26:29

He has a slightly different approach.

0:26:300:26:34

Look, I am confident that you and the partners will

0:26:360:26:39

put your reservations aside and support him fully.

0:26:390:26:42

-What does that mean, Mrs Tembe?

-Excuse me.

0:26:420:26:44

Mrs Tembe?!

0:26:440:26:46

Oh!

0:26:470:26:48

I came to examine Mr Harper, and I haven't touched your son.

0:26:550:26:59

Get out.

0:26:590:27:00

Oh. You look how I feel.

0:27:010:27:04

Not when they're talking as much nonsense as you are.

0:27:040:27:06

-What?

-All right, That's enough.

0:27:060:27:09

I would not want to tell you a name and then have to disappoint you.

0:27:090:27:12

But there is a name?

0:27:120:27:14

Oh, yes. There is a name.

0:27:140:27:16

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