Sophie's Choice Doctors

Uh-huh. Yes, of course I understand. No, poor Daisy.

No, no, I haven't even started getting ready.

You caught me just in time.

All right, well, give her my best.

Bye. Oh.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Dr Reid?

It's Ralph Bradley, chair of Mayfield Community Garden Project.

We spoke a couple of weeks ago,

when I dropped off a flyer about our launch party.

Yes...

Well, it's this evening.

Sophie's gone to town on her gourmet nibbles,

so I do hope you'll come along?

No need to bring a bottle - we have refreshments galore.

We'll look forward to seeing you then.

Right.

OK, bye-bye.

There we go.

Mite cream, nit shampoo...

-..and cream buns.

-Mm.

Later, we've got to wash everything first.

Cover ourselves in this.

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, just you wait, your time is coming.

We haven't got head lice.

No, it's the same stuff that's in the cream.

And who's to say they are not burrowing into my scalp,

as we speak?

-It's not as bad as that.

-I'm infested!

And, I'm sorry, but it's the thought of them in every nook and cranny,

eating me alive.

Not for much longer.

Until the next time you arrest some bug-ridden reprobate.

Or I get a hug from a vulnerable person, with extras.

You know, I might knock this VPAS thing on the head.

Or maybe just leave altogether.

Oh, get off. You love working at the Mill.

With the stroppy patients and the germs.

And now I'm housing actual parasites.

We both are.

You think that your clientele are rough?

You should spend a day in the Custody Suite.

It's just one of the risks of interacting with the general public.

You need to take the medication.

-Emma Reid.

-Through there, Emma.

Darling, just give the group therapy a try, OK?

It's Dr Reid, isn't it? Number 17?

Yes. Please, call me Emma.

-Right. Let me get you a drink.

-Oh, thank you.

Wine? Fruit juice? Or something stronger?

A glass of red would be lovely.

Thank you so much for coming.

I think you'll find it a very interesting evening.

We've got another medical professional.

Nigel Starmers - retired surgeon.

Paediatrics, I believe.

He's at number 8.

-Thank you.

-Come and meet our committee members.

CLEARS THROAT

LAUGHTER

1967.

I was minus nine.

Patrick Troughton as Doctor Who.

Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

I don't imagine you two were into much psychedelia.

Wow, nice hat, Pater.

Who's that? Terry?

Not the infamous Uncle Terry?

Black sheep of the family.

How did this escape the purge? Uncle Terry.

Mother would know.

Green to answer, Mother. Green to answer.

Hello, darling, I wasn't expecting you yet.

You've got new hair.

It's the same hair, just shorter.

I can call you back in a bit, if you're busy...

No, it's lovely to see you.

I so enjoy our little chats.

Me too, Mum.

Me too.

Of course, the application is critical.

If we don't get that right, then we fall at the first hurdle.

So... Now, Emma.

What do you think? Full plans or broad-brush outline?

Well, if you give them the full plans,

then they have all the details

but, you know, perhaps if you...

Sorry for interrupting.

Sorry, Prof.

I missed the kick-off again.

Apply cream to whole body, including neck,

palms of hands, soles of feet.

That's weird.

Wrists, elbows, armpits, buttocks.

-Face?

-Yeah.

And if infected with scabies, put under fingernails and toenails.

Right, come on, then, I'll go first.

You do the honours.

Oh! Your hands are freezing!

Oh, wuss.

I'm a wuss? Right, let's see who's a wuss.

Drop the robe.

You can warm your hands up on my flippin' feet, first.

Now that is not bad.

Whoa. Whoa! What are you doing?

Well, we may as well make it fun.

No close contact until the treatment is successful.

Spoilsport.

It's what it says on the instructions.

And anyway, that's probably how we passed it between us

-in the first place.

-Urgh.

Oh, no, wait, hang on.

Shouldn't we put the cream on before we change the bed?

What if the little blighters get wind of the apocalypse

-and make a run for it?

-Well, it will get on the duvet.

Yeah, but it'll get on the sheets anyway, once we go to bed.

What do the instructions say?

O-M-G.

-We've done it wrong?

-No.

This is the same stuff they put on pets, for fleas.

Well, I guess that makes sense - fleas, scabies.

Yes, but Geoffrey just has a couple of drops on the back of his neck.

We've got to rub this stuff all over!

I'm sure it's safe, Valerie.

Anyway, what's the alternative?

Yeah, I suppose.

It doesn't say anything about sheets.

Come here. Give it here.

Barry had a right knack for bedding.

He did a demonstration for me once.

Still, you can't build a relationship

on duvet-changing ability alone, can you?

Have you come to any decision about Ruhma and Heston's wedding redo?

SHE SIGHS

I'm not sure I'll be able to face going.

But it's not about me, is it?

I mean, if it makes things right for them,

then I'm glad.

Well...

..I think you're very brave.

And even if we are successful with the grant application,

it's likely to be a modest sum, so we'll need to make it stretch.

You know, value for money, if you will.

Just a thought, Prof, have you considered approaching Haslops?

Offer a sponsorship deal.

They provide landscaping materials, a few shrubs, whatever,

we put up a plaque,

and bang on about their community spirit in our publicity.

I think you're on to something there.

Leave it with me. I know their chief exec.

Of course you do.

Well, assuming that our local garden centre

chips in a bit, then I think...

Prof? I reckon we've done the budget to death.

How about we get stuck into

whatever it is Sophie's rustling up in the kitchen?

Of course. Excuse me a second. I'll just...

-Top-up?

-Thank you.

Oh, actually, would you mind?

I just need to say hello properly.

-I will be right back.

-Of course.

Of course I remember!

We were on our holidays.

Your father bought me a "Kiss Me Quick" hat.

Why are you not wearing it in the photo?

I'd lost it by then.

I broke the strap and it blew away.

Yeah. A likely excuse.

Kiss Me Quick?

I did find this other photo.

Ah, doesn't he look young there?

This other chap, that's his brother, isn't it?

I can't say.

Come on.

If you tell me, I won't tell anyone else.

That's Terry.

So what happened to him?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Try me.

It nearly broke your grandparents.

They had to move.

And your poor father. It nearly split us up.

My parents were horrified to be associated, if only by marriage.

It made for some very awkward family get-togethers.

Aunt Sylvia's funeral! Oh!

SHE SIGHS

Sushi? I have fish or vegetarian?

No, thank you.

But you've clearly gone to a lot of trouble.

Well, it's for a good cause.

People are kind enough to give up their time.

I hope you weren't bored.

No, no, not at all.

Excuse me.

I've got to get the chicken nibbles out of the oven.

Has it sunk in yet?

No.

You know it's Heston and Ruhma's wedding thing coming up?

I do.

Was that a joke?

Is it going to bring back painful memories?

No, that's all behind me.

I'll be fine.

So maybe it's time to come off the antidepressants.

But I'm on an even keel, so why risk it?

So are you going to come to the redo?

If I'm not working.

And if Heston wants me to.

We do have bridges to build.

It's not your fault he got himself into bother.

He thinks I should have followed his lead sooner.

You can't be everywhere.

And everybody has to make difficult decisions, don't they?

With limited resources.

And Heston knows that.

Ah, I see you've requisitioned the hors d'oeuvres now?

That is not requisitioned, I brought it myself.

Ralph is a single malt man,

he chooses wine based on the picture on the label.

What about Sophie? She seems like a woman with good taste.

Teetotal.

She's not on the 12 steps, if that's what you're thinking.

I wasn't!

It's all about control with Sophie.

They seem like an unlikely couple.

How they managed to hook up in the first place is a mystery to me.

How they've stayed together for 20 years is even more mysterious.

That's an achievement these days.

You've made short work of that Rioja.

-I shared!

-Uh-huh!

Oh, certainly, there we go. Enjoy!

I'm Adam.

Emma.

Ah, Dr Emma Reid.

-Ralph told me.

-Ah.

Some people name-drop celebrities,

with Ralph it is members of the medical profession.

So, tell me.

What is it like to be a GP?

Well, it's challenging, fascinating and endlessly surprising.

Your turn.

Where to start? I'm a man of many parts.

Are you? Well, maybe you should start with the edited highlights.

OK. Architect.

Single, no kids.

You've never been married?

I've never met the right woman.

Haven't you?

Jill and Richard hired a castle for their wedding, in Strathclyde.

Uncle Terry, he was married, wasn't he?

You had a girlfriend once, didn't you?

We're not talking about me, Mother. We're talking about Uncle Terry.

What happened to her?

You know what? She ran away with the circus, it was extraordinary.

Alasdair, why are you always alone?

There's nothing wrong with being single, Mother.

You must have done something?

Yeah, of course I did. It's my fault. It's always my fault.

You push people away.

HE SIGHS

Tell me more about your Scottish castle.

Did you dance the Gay Gordons?

No, but I did a Bossa Nova with the laird!

I hope it works.

I really, really, really don't want to go through this again.

Oh, thank you.

I can't wait to wash the filthy creatures off me.

Well, you say that.

But, did you know that they actually don't wash away?

They lie dead under your skin.

That's horrific!

I'm going to be like some walking scabies graveyard.

The body absorbs them after a while.

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Oh, do you know, maybe it is time to step away from public service.

It's just been one thing after another.

What? So after all the things that you've dealt with recently,

you're going to let these bugs get to you?

Well, when you put it like that.

We will defeat the mites.

Live another day...

..foster some more kids...

..save some more lives.

We'll be fine.

Mwah!

Of course, neutrophils are the big guns

of the innate immune system -

dashing to the rescue at the first hint of inflammation.

Then you've got the eosinophils,

Now, eosinophils are another form of white blood cell.

And without white blood cells, you know, we'd all be dead.

Darling, we need some more wine.

Oh, duty calls.

It's like she's got some sort of radar

for picking up on Ralph-generated distress signals.

How do you know them?

I met Ralph at uni.

We bonded over our shared infatuation with Lucy Collins.

Lucy Collins?

Yeah, she was a student in our year.

I don't think she realised we even existed.

She left after two terms -

formed a rock band with one of the groundsmen.

We never saw her again.

Ah, young love.

Yeah, we lost Lucy but found each other.

He did nearly kill me once, though. Over a prawn curry.

It was entirely accidental, so I forgave him.

SHE LAUGHS

Emma, I just wanted to thank you

for your very perceptive comments earlier.

I believe you'd be a really useful asset to our cause.

Would you consider joining the committee?

Would you excuse me.

Sorry.

Well...

Turn that frown upside down.

What are you playing at? Just go.

And if I don't?

I'll tell Ralph.

-I doubt that.

-Don't push me.

You will not say a word, unless, of course, you want to destroy him.

That was a wonderful holiday.

Mother.

What did Terry do that was so bad?

SHE SIGHS

He betrayed his country for a woman.

Uncle Terry was a traitor?!

She was a Communist mole...

She did a thing to him.

What thing?

Well, the kind of thing that women like her

do to men to get their secrets out of them.

She was a Red.

A Communist.

Sorry.

A Soviet spy seduced Uncle Terry?

Well, if he hadn't had his cover blown,

we could all be speaking Russian by now.

I suppose we've got Auntie Maureen to thank for that.

That's Terry's wife?

Awful woman.

Terrible snob.

OK. So, what did Maureen the snob do

to save us from the Red Menace?

Well, she suspected him of having an affair,

so she hired a private detective.

He traced them to this hotel where they were having their liaison.

Well, of course, Auntie Maureen sneaked out one night.

And you can imagine what happened then.

No! Tell me.

She caught them at it.

From what I heard, she pulled the lampstand out of the socket

and set about the pair of them.

Apparently, there were these terrible screams,

the concierge thought they having a menage a trois.

Menage a trois?!

Sorry. What was that, darling?

Nothing.

I didn't know you spoke French, Mother.

Well, I'm going to look on the bright side.

There's a bright side to scabies?

Yeah.

My counselling session will help me get through the trauma.

Perhaps I should prioritise.

I have got a lot of issues.

Do you?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you may see a person

who looks completely at ease with themselves,

but what's going on under the surface?

Problems, multiplying, growing.

One day, I will develop an existential itch

and then it'll be too late.

That's why you're having counselling?

Well, I don't want to get stuck on medication,

when I could just nip it in the bud with a nice little chat.

You do know you can talk to me?

You don't really have the training.

As a friend, Valerie.

There was something, actually.

Do you know?

This is the second year that I haven't received a Valentine's card.

Ricky Delaine forgot again.

Probably busy with his world tour...

We had a brilliant girls' night in.

Yeah, we did.

But it just feels like it's been so long

since anyone even noticed that I exist.

Enjoying the party?

Yes, very much.

It's, well, it's always nice to come and meet some new faces.

Adam?

Yes.

He can be quite intoxicating.

Well, we do seem to be getting on rather well.

Don't fall for it.

I'm sorry?

He'll ruin your life.

Adam destroys women - I didn't see it till it was too late.

Excuse me.

Let me get you a glass of wine.

No, thank you.

A cocktail, then?

No, I've had enough alcohol for one evening.

In fact, I should be going.

Well, I'll walk you.

No.

Ohh, Sophie.

HE SIGHS

-What did she say?

-It doesn't matter.

Oh, but it does.

-Don't I get a chance to defend myself?

-Excuse me.

I really would like to know what I've been accused of.

All right, look.

It's none of my business who you sleep with,

but your best friend's wife?!

They found her two days later, on some waste ground

behind Charing Cross Station.

-Dead?

-Alive.

In a trunk.

She was never the same after.

What happened to Uncle Terry?

Oh, the Russians smuggled him and his mistress

out of the country in a submarine.

It sailed right up the Solent! Can you imagine?

The Ruskies, in our midst.

It's a wonder we weren't all murdered in our beds.

He took several important documents with him.

It was a terrible scandal.

"The submarine sailed up the Solent

"to collect its human cargo from a rendezvous at Stokes Bay."

That's what I said.

I've shocked you, haven't I?

No.

No, I'm not shocked, Mum.

You are. I can tell.

I shouldn't have told you Uncle Terry was a traitor.

But I'm glad you did.

Is it true?

Of course not. How many times?

Sophie?

Yeah?

I know.

You're having an affair.

No!

Everything makes sense now.

You've been acting so strangely.

Darling, please.

There is nothing going on between me and Adam.

Then why did she say that?

I'm so sorry, I must have misunderstood.

Come on, Prof. Get a grip.

Tell me!

It wasn't me, it was Kate.

Kate? What? You mean our Kate!

You've known her since she was a kid!

She's 19, old enough to sleep with whoever she wants.

So you're the one who got her pregnant, and then dumped her.

It takes two.

She tried to kill herself!

Kate has mental health issues - you know that.

HE GRUNTS

Shellfish!

My jacket?

Can you call an ambulance?

Have you got any adrenaline with you?

Coat pocket.

I'll get it.

It's karma.

The whole Barry debacle must have racked up some very bad vibes.

My whole love-life is cursed

because I ripped out his heart and stomped on it in front of witnesses.

It is not karma.

The whole online dating thing, now, that was a disaster.

Well, you can't let that put you off.

You've got to stay positive.

Do you think I'm unlovable?

Of course not!

You'll probably move back in with Emma, now you're speaking again.

Where did that come from?

I'm happy here.

Oh, you found it? Good. Sophie,

-give me the pen.

-No.

What? If Adam doesn't get that, he could die.

I hope he does.

My daughter, Kate.

She was happy, doing well at uni, until he...

She's barely functioning.

Look, what's happened to Kate is awful.

But this isn't the way to deal with it.

Please, Sophie.

We haven't got time for this.

OK, you should feel the effects of the adrenaline soon.

Ralph, do you want to show your guests out?

Yes, of course.

How are you feeling?

Who's asking? Emma or Dr Reid?

I'm hunky-dory, Doctor.

When you leave this house, I never want to see or hear from you again.

Stop acting like the injured party - you just tried to kill me.

He enjoyed his trip to Russia so much,

he stayed and retrained as a submarine captain.

That's right.

Brezhnev built him his own dacha.

He had a submarine port at the bottom of the garden.

And he used to take the kids on a trip down the Volga.

I'd forgotten there were kids.

What were they called, I wonder?

They were called, they were called Vladimir and Olga.

Vladimir became a politician.

And Olga, she was a very strong gymnast.

Uncle Terry was very sporty as a young man.

SHE YAWNS

Mum, I've worn you out.

Why don't you have a cup of cocoa and get an early night?

I think I will.

I do go on.

I hope you weren't bored.

Bored? After that tsunami of a revelation?

Mum, you take my breath away.

LAUGHS: Oh, you are funny, Alasdair.

Right, I'm signing off now. Make sure you check under the bed.

For Reds!

Night, night. Mwah!

HE SIGHS

Uncle Terry, if your life was half as exciting as that...

..I imagine you were quite a chap.

Na zdorovie to you, comrade.

That's presuming you're still around.

Mum's happy, that's the most important thing.

So why didn't you tell me?

Kate begged me not to.

I was afraid something like this might happen.

And now he's ruined all of our lives.

He's not involving the police.

So...

..I guess it's down to you, then.

I should be going home.

To be honest with you, this is an evening that I would rather forget.

Wow.

You are so good at treats.

Oh, thank you!

And you're thanking me?

Well, for appreciating my efforts.

Do you know? Only women do that.

Men take everything for granted.

Sometimes I think I should go down the bi route, like Emma.

Really?

Well, it would double the opportunity for a relationship.

Valerie, if you want to meet someone,

you've just got to get out there, that's all.

I'm not going to go man shopping on my own.

-Well, I'm up for it.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Look at her. We are gorgeous.

Who could refuse!

-Hot.

-Mm.

Didn't you do work experience with us at the Mill?

Why would you do work experience at a health centre

if you always wanted to be a vet?

In that case, whatever you're selling, I don't want it.

-Did Ashley cheat on you?

-No.

So, why are you so worried about seeing him?

-How are my windows?

-They need a bit of TLC.

You need to improve the thermal gain.