Best Friend Doctors

Ask for Anna Sawsworth.

I don't think you're going to be with us very long.

You're far too handsome.

So apart from the usual -

eyes, nose, orifices, worming,

fleas, lumps and bumps, etc -

what else is there to think about?

Parvovirus infection, black coated, colitis...

Lymphocytic-plasmacytic.

Perianal fistula...

Acral lick dermatitis...

-Anal furunculosis...

-Anna?

-Yes.

I'm Remy.

A dog?

Yeah, from the rescue centre.

I mean, I've always wanted one. It's just Mum never had the space.

But now I've bought a house, haven't I?

-And what about the walks?

-I like walking.

-Really?

-Yeah, just not on my own.

-Get yourself a girlfriend, then.

Because there's no way the rescue centre's going to give you a dog.

Why not?

Because you're a single man who works all the time.

Trust me - girlfriend first, then dog.

Dr Heston Carter, Mill Health Centre.

Between 11.12pm and 12.12pm.

Can it be another time?

It's meant to be a secret. I don't want my wife to know about it.

That's a bit late.

OK, let's leave it as it is.

A case of 12 by 12.12.

Bye.

The answerphone says you're on another call.

I'll keep trying.

Are you trying to sell me something?

Yes or no?

In that case, whatever you're selling, I don't want it.

Please don't call this number again.

My son will report you. Good day.

And don't forget to take your pills. Oh.

Good day.

Ben wants to see me later.

He probably wants to talk about the whole will again.

It's funny, isn't it?

That Jimmi's the counsellor, and

yet I'm the one that everyone wants to talk to about their problems.

I'll probably helping Jimmi more than he helps me...

Cos after we get through all the heavy stuff,

there's still online dating, lovability and man-shopping...

-PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Plus scabies.

Do you think they've gone?

-You hope so, don't you?

-Hello?

-But maybe they just die inside you.

Like your dreams.

Thanks for that.

-Is there anybody there?

-Hello. Sorry. Hi.

What is your name and what is your organisation's name?

Mum, it's me.

-Are you trying to sell me something?

-Mother, it's Alistair.

-Yes or no?

-No.

In that case, why are you calling?

I'm calling you because I am your son and heir.

Well, why didn't you say so?

So, how are you feeling today?

-Now?

-Irritated.

I was fine before.

Apart from my pottery class being cancelled.

I was thinking about that story you were telling me yesterday.

-The one about Uncle Terry, wasn't it?

-Are you testing me?

No.

You're no better than all the other timewasters that keep

ringing me up.

Have people been calling you?

Mother?

Mum, are you there?

Irritating, isn't it?

When you know someone's there and they don't say anything?

Point taken.

Did you say your pottery class had been cancelled?

You are testing me.

In that case,

on shelf B,

between Four Weddings And A Funeral and Gone With The Wind,

you're going to find a film called Ghost from 1990.

There's a particularly interesting pottery scene in that one.

Oh.

I'll go and watch it now.

-All right, enjoy. Bye.

-Bye.

-Aren't you ever tempted to take them in yourself?

-There are so many.

But if you met one you had a special connection with?

-That wouldn't be professional.

-No.

Why would anyone not want him?

Relationship break up.

Well, I'd take him.

Maybe you could!

No, I'm not in a position. Other people to consider.

-Girlfriend?

-Gosh, no!

-Mother.

-You live at home?

-Yeah.

-Me too.

-I can't wait to move out.

-Me neither.

Get some independence.

So, if you were to do an initial examination...

Alphabetically...

Atopy, blastomycosis, contact hypersensitivity,

cryptococcosis, deep pyoderma,

eosinophilic dermatitis, follicular dysplasia...

-Cyclic.

-Folliculitis...

-Pyotraumatic.

-Food allergy...

-Hypersensitivity...

And our old friend idiopathic cutaneous

-and renal glomerular vasculopathy.

-CRGV?

-Well, it's worth checking, isn't it?

-Of course.

I'm sure he won't be on his own for too long.

-Not if the right person turns up.

-No.

-Shall we get some lunch?

-Yes, please.

I'm ever so sorry for interrupting.

Who says you were?

-The napkin.

-Oh, I see.

What's your name?

My name is George Popwell and I work for Spring Green Windows.

I suppose you're trying to sell me something?

Honestly, yes and no.

The government are running a scheme offering grants to fit carbon

neutral windows, but the scheme's barely been publicised,

so we've decided to go door to door and tell people.

-That's a funny way of doing business.

-It is.

But in this case, we couldn't think of a better one.

So even if you're not interested yourself, if you could tell

anyone you know about the scheme - friends, neighbours, family...

Anyone who might have an interest in increasing

the value of their property.

Thank you for your time.

So how does this scheme work?

-So is this your first job?

-Yes.

So which vet school are you going to go to?

-Letherbridge.

-Me too.

I'm in my second year.

-I've always wanted to be a vet.

-Me too.

-Did you have any dogs growing up?

-No.

But I had loads of other pets.

Yeah? Which was your favourite?

My favourite? A chinchilla.

-Just the one?

-No, of course not. Two.

-Because they're unhappy on their own, aren't they?

-Yeah.

PHONE RINGS Excuse me.

Calls get diverted to my mobile.

Letherbridge Animal Rescue Centre, Anna speaking.

Oh, hello, I wonder whether you can help me.

I'm looking at your website

at a lovely looking dog by the name of Brutus.

Sorry, potential owner.

A bit of a scary sounding name.

I know. I think it's ironic.

Right. So he does have a lovely temperament, yeah?

-Yes, he's as lovely as he looks.

-Great.

Would it be possible for me to come and meet him?

-Do you mind if I ask you a few questions first?

-No. Not at all.

OK. Are you already a dog owner?

No, but I've always wanted to be, we just never had the space growing up.

-But now?

-Yeah.

I've just bought my own house. With a garden, actually!

He's just bought a house.

-And can I ask what you do?

-Yeah, I'm a doctor.

He's a doctor.

-You must be busy, then?

-Yeah.

But my mum and dad have said they'll help me look after it.

You live with your mother and father?

No, I live on my own. No partner, no kids.

-So you're a busy doctor and you're single?

-Yeah.

-Right. Can you come in so we can meet?

-Great.

-Can I come now? I'm off until four.

-Now's fine.

Great, I'll see you soon.

-Thanks, bye.

-He sounds nice.

-KNOCKING

-Come in.

How are you? I can only hope that I've helped.

I beg your pardon?

With the whole breaking up with Will scenario.

It does get easier, trust me.

You've made the right decision. Don't change your mind.

-Be strong.

-Right, thank you.

So the reason I actually called you here is that I'd like you to

attend the PPG meeting on Monday.

-What?

-I'd like you to represent

the practice at the Patient Participation Group.

Yes, I know what the PPG is.

Then you'll go on Monday?

-You don't have to let me know right now.

-Right.

So you'll let me know later?

-Yes.

-Great.

Yes, it's Dr Carter, Mill Health Centre, again.

It is...2.08 pm.

Well, who changed it to 5.06 to 6? I need it by 4!

That's funny.

-You escaping from Valerie?

-No. I'm meeting her out here.

Out here? For why?

Walking therapy.

Buy some boots...

Come on, then.

She has got a list.

Someone's coming to meet you.

-A doctor.

-Doctors hate pets, though.

-Do they?

-"Filthy things.

"Don't put your face near it, Remy, you'll catch something.

"Do you want a rabies shot?"

-Anna?

-Yes.

Sid Vere. We spoke on the phone.

And this must be Brutus.

-It is. Say hello.

-Hello!

-So you're single, you say?

-Yeah. Still haven't found the right girl.

And what if you find her and she doesn't like dogs?

Then she won't be the right girl, then, will she?

I will have to do a home visit.

Yeah. Of course.

-And have you got any experience with animals?

-No, no.

-Ever had a dog before?

-No.

Well, I have.

-But you said...?

-A sheepdog called Old Shep.

He saved my life.

I was drowning, but he pulled me out.

And when he got ill, I nursed him, but it was no good.

He died.

Hence my lifelong desire to be a vet.

Didn't you do work experience with us at the Mill?

Why would you do work experience at a health centre

if you always wanted to be a vet?

And your mum's a doctor, isn't she? A clinical lead at St Phil's?

Is she the doctor who doesn't like animals?

Yet she let you have Old Shep?

Did you have any pets at all?

-No.

-No chinchillas?

No.

Why don't you stay and supervise Sid and Brutus

while I go do my round?

Walkies! Come on, then. Walkies!

HE SIGHS

And you're sure you don't mind me not being interested in windows?

Course not.

There's always time to stop for a cup of tea on a miserable day.

It is lunchtime, after all.

Oh, yes, it is. I must get you something to eat.

-No, really.

-No, I must.

Really, I'm fine.

Mrs Haskey...

You certainly go for it, when you see a girl you like, don't you?

-Old Shep?

-What about him?

It's from an old Elvis song, isn't it?

Mother's an unlikely fan.

Yeah, you were exactly the same when you were at the Mill.

I heard you asked Megan out.

The psychiatrist?

You actually did me a favour, to be honest.

A favour how?

Nothing like a bit of competition to get you going.

You and Megan?

Not any more.

What happened?

Just one of them things.

But you did light a fire under me, so...

-He's great, isn't he?

-Yeah, he is.

And Anna seems nice and all.

I had loads of things to talk about,

but now all I can think about is Ashley.

So let's talk about Ashley, then.

Why are you so worried about seeing him?

Cos he deserted me.

When you had cancer?

Yeah.

Although, technically we had already broken up.

When we got into a big argument at a PPG meeting.

-And now Ben wants you to go to another one?

-Yeah.

-You don't want to go?

-No.

-Why not?

Why do you think? Would you want to see Cherry?

-No. But then, she means nothing to me now, so...

-What?

-And you think Ashley does to me?

-I don't know. Does he?

No.

So why can't you go to a meeting with him?

Could you go to a meeting with Cherry?

Yeah, I think so.

Even though she cheated on you with Daniel?

-Did Ashley cheat on you?

-No.

So why are you so worried about seeing him?

Ooh, look, swings.

How are they getting on?

They seem to be doing fine.

So what do you know about Sid?

I met him briefly eight months ago.

He was going out with the practice psychiatrist, Megan.

-Was he? You didn't just make that up as well?

-No.

-I was in medical school for two years.

-Why didn't you say?

-I didn't want to ruin things.

-Well, you have.

So he's not with the psychiatrist any more?

-Apparently not.

-Did he say why?

"Just one of those things."

Yeah, I like him.

-You hardly know him.

-I'd like to get to.

So what do we do now?

-You two will need to spend more time together.

-Great.

-And he'll have to meet your mother and father.

-No problem.

I guess you'll have to too? Meet the parents.

Like taking a new girlfriend home.

-Except a dog's a lifetime commitment.

-Yeah.

My mum and dad won't be around till later.

So, do you mind if I bring a friend to see him first?

-Someone who'll be walking him as well?

-Yeah, maybe.

-Well, hopefully.

-OK.

-Right.

I'll be back in about 20 minutes.

Cheese and onion.

-Delicious.

-My son's favourite.

He's a doctor, you know.

Is that right?

-Terribly busy, of course.

-Course.

But not too busy to support me since my husband died.

Doctors, yeah, they do all right.

Not financially, of course.

There's no need for that.

All right for some.

But I do get a bit lonely sometimes.

I wish I could say the same,

but with a wife and three kids at home...

Less so lately, because Alistair, that's my son,

he does phone me nearly every day.

He's a doctor.

Did I say?

You might have mentioned it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

My memory's not what it was.

But you make a mean cheese and onion sandwich. Delicious.

Thank you. Now, I really should be going.

It's been lovely to meet you.

Have you seen Ghost?

-I really should be...

-It's that film, with Demi Moore.

And that Swayze chap, Patrick Swayze.

He's in Dirty Dancing.

Cheerio, then.

So, are you not going to have a look at my windows?

So what do you think?

It's a dog. A very nice dog.

But like I said... Having said that.

The way she's looking over at you.

Leave it.

She's just deciding whether I'm suitable.

Yeah, but like I said.

-So, is that the psychiatrist?

-No.

He clearly has commitment issues.

I just don't think he's suitable.

Hard to say. He could be.

Unless someone better comes along.

I was wearing a headscarf.

He asked why. I said, "Cos I've got cancer."

Then he asked me if I was going to die

because he said he didn't think he could cope with me dying.

I said, "Funny that, I don't think

"I'm coping very well myself, at the moment."

But he was already out the door.

Running for the hills.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

I can't even walk past his house now.

As far as he's concerned, I could be dead.

Mind you, he's married now, so that probably doesn't worry him.

He's married? Does that bother you?

-What, do I wish it was me?

-Yes.

No.

Me married to Ashley.

Me married to anyone. I just don't see it.

Why not?

It's a pipe dream, isn't it?

It's just a fantasy.

Is it?

I didn't used to think so.

What did you used to think?

I used to think I would be swept off my feet by some sheep

farmer in New Zealand, or a flying doctor...

..or the chairman of the PPG.

And if he'd proposed?

I'd have bitten his hand off.

But now...

I know this sounds overdramatic,

but I don't think I'll ever fall in love again.

I think that part of me died with the cancer.

And what if it was different? What if Ashley wanted to marry you

-when he found out you were ill?

-Like Barry did?

-Yeah.

I'd have bitten his hand off.

How does that make you feel?

All done.

You poor man, you must be starving.

Let me get you some lunch?

You gave me some. Cheese and onion. Delicious.

Yes, of course. Sorry.

So how are my windows?

They need a bit of TLC.

-Really?

-They're not in a good way.

You need to improve the thermal gain.

I had my son, Alistair, check them out.

He would have noticed that.

Course he would.

That's why he called us.

Asked us to come over.

-Alistair did?

-Yeah.

I told you when I first came in, remember?

About Alistair being too busy with his patients to come over

himself, so he asked me to come.

-You told me?

-Yeah.

But silver lining-wise, the good news is...

..all I need is £1,000 up front.

Have you actually considered the responsibilities of owning a pet?

As opposed to my mum having an Elvis record?

Have you factored in the cost?

Yeah.

-Vet's fees? Insurance?

-Yes. Yes.

And food. And boarding.

Go away a lot, do you?

Not really.

And what if you do meet someone

-and want to whisk her away to Paris, Milan, Capri...?

-What?

-So would you be walking Brutus as well?

-Me? No.

We're not together.

I can put a word in if you're interested.

-I'm not.

-And what about diseases?

What diseases?

Sebaceous adenitis, seborrhoea, skin tumours...

I am a doctor. You can't baffle me with science.

Squamous cell carcinoma of the nail bed, waterline disease,

zinc-responsive dermatosis, and our old friend CRGV.

What is CRGV?

Idiopathic cutaneous and renal glomerular vasculopathy...

Commonly known as Alabama Rot,

a flesh-eating bug which leads to skin lesions and kidney disease.

Is that what you want?

Is that what your mother and father want?

Because I know my mother wouldn't.

But I don't care.

Whatever's wrong with him,

whatever my mother says,

I'm prepared to do whatever it takes.

And with Anna too.

HE CLICKS TONGUE

What are you doing? I said 12 bottles.

Not 12 boxes.

So there I am, I'm all dressed in black.

I'm immaculate. Im-black-ulate.

And I walk in, fabulous.

He sees me, and I lift the veil.

-There's a veil too?

-Oh, yeah.

In the film, I'm played by Zara.

A femme fatale.

A femme fatale who doesn't die.

So he can see what he's missing.

What he could have had.

-So you're going to go to the meeting, then?

-Oh, I don't know.

Maybe just talking about it's enough?

Well, you're not getting closure, then.

See, I don't really like that word.

Ever since C&A shut down.

No, I'll probably just give Ben my apologies.

I'm sure Ashley won't cross my mind again.

But, thank you, though. You've really cheered me up.

Likewise.

Don't worry, you will meet someone.

I'd really rather talk to Alistair about it first.

Good idea.

Although he can get very busy.

True.

And it was his idea in the first place.

Yes.

But still, I'd really like to call him first.

No problem, then. We'll call him.

One case of 12 by 12.12, could I have been any clearer?

It was for the best.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Been somewhere nice?

The animal rescue centre.

Sid was thinking about getting a dog.

Well, pets can be such great companions.

Geoffrey certainly has been since Ashley left.

Walked out on me two years ago last November.

Just up and left, without a word, moved in with his aunt.

If it was his aunt.

I could have died. Would he have cared?

Would he have even turned up to the funeral?

And if he had turned up to the funeral, would he have brought her?

His wife?

So what happened? Did you see one you liked?

Yeah, I did. But I thought he'd be better off with someone else.

Oh, well, I hope you're right.

And you don't bump into him one day with whoever he's with now.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

-You did the right thing.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Right, see you next week.

-See you, then.

PHONE RINGS

Letherbridge Animal Rescue Centre, Anna speaking.

Hello, I'm interested in one of your dogs.

-Are you already a dog owner?

-No.

And I never have been.

And I haven't got my own house.

And...I didn't have a dog called Old Shep.

# The years fast did roll Old Shep he grew old

# His eyes were fast growing dim

# And one day the doctor looked at me and said

# "I can do no more for him, Jim." #

I thought it was doctors and not vets who looked after dogs.

Your mum's a doctor.

Didn't she tell you?

I'd already said I wanted to be a doctor.

And for Mother, that was it.

Decided. No discussions.

But I have always wanted to be a vet.

And I got there in the end.

Found out what I really wanted.

If you think I'm suitable.

Engaged.

Maybe we should just call your bank and you can arrange the transfer?

I can help you if you want.

Thank you, I'm perfectly capable.

Of course, but any way that I can help, that's what Alistair said.

Alistair said?

Anything to make your life easier.

-Well, in that case, I think should phone him.

-Why?

To say thank you.

But he's busy with his patients.

Not till after 4 o'clock.

So, give me that phone.

There's a good chap. Thank you.

Done and...done.

PHONE BUZZES

-KNOCKING

-Come in.

-It's a yes.

-What is?

You didn't let Will ruin your life,

Jimmi didn't let Cherry ruin his,

and I am not going to let anybody ruin mine.

Yes, Sid's dog may be better off with somebody else,

-but nobody trades in Valerie Pitman.

-OK.

-PPG meeting on Monday.

Yes to that.

Right, good. I'll let them know.

Oh, no, there's no need.

Let's keep it as a surprise.

-Are you sure about this?

-Yeah.

-I've even told Mother.

-And she agreed?

Well, it was either that or I moved out.

-I will have to do a home visit.

-I know.

And maybe we could take Brutus for a walk in Western Wood?

Western Wood? We've had reports of poisoning.

Really? That's terrible.

-If a dog like Brutus sees something...

-They'll pick it up.

Slug pellets, metaldehyde.

The animal becomes unsteady on their feet and twitchy,

but may rapidly deteriorate and suffer continuous convulsions

and possibly respiratory failure. Chocolate?

Theobromine vomiting, diarrhoea, dehydration, hyperactivity,

high temperature and blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythm and tremors.

Vitamin D? Abnormal heart rhythm and kidney failure.

Effects may be delayed for several days and may be permanent.

Alcohol?

Loss of bodily control...

Difficulty breathing...

-BOTH:

-Hypersalivation.

Shame we couldn't get hold of

-Alistair, but I'll try him again later.

-Oh, thank you.

-Not at all.

Contract's all signed, bank transfer's gone through.

-It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

-And with you.

Has someone been talking to you about windows?

No! I don't know.

Frankly, Zara, I'm disappointed by your negativity.

As a partner, I think you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.

Hi. I'm Ashley Mackintosh.

Valerie?

Why are you getting so angry?

Because you're twisting things, and you're messing with my head!