The Beautiful Game Doctors


The Beautiful Game

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Transcript


LineFromTo

-Oh, Jason! Hi, son.

-Who's he?

0:00:270:00:29

Brian Kerr, Letherbridge Gazette.

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Oh! Have you met any celebs?

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No, darlin', it's the local rag. You know, school fete,

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dog with three legs heart-warming story...

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BRIAN LAUGHS Nice threads, Jase!

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You... You getting a pay rise?

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-Do you ever give up, Bri?

-No, I've got a wife to feed, mate!

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You should see her, eats like a horse!

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Any comments on these transfer rumours?

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Get in the car.

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HE HANDS HER KEYS

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I...I hear it's a big London club.

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There is something going down today, actually,

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at the Mill Health Centre.

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I'm taking Carly there now.

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Oh, right.

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CAR DOOR OPENS

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CAR DOOR CLOSES All right, Trevor?

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Get your Nikon out.

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I've had a tip-off.

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-Test me on the figures again.

-We've already done it four times.

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But what if I get stage fright?

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Valerie, I have full confidence in you going solo.

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-You'll have the PPG eating out of your hands.

-Are you bunking off?!

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No. I'm going to a meeting with the university governors,

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so I delegated.

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Valerie, where is my next patient?

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Oh, she'll be here in ten minutes, she missed her bus.

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-Oh, great. Time for a coffee.

-Ben!

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Ben, there is one other thing. Can you still see my rash?

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DOOR OPENS

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Uh, you're Jason Carswell.

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Uh, last time I looked.

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Can I speak to the manager, please?

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Um, you're looking at him.

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Oh, right. Um, look, long story short,

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Carly needs to see a doctor urgently,

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but I've got the press on my back outside.

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Is there somewhere more private we could wait?

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Of course, I'll sort something out.

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Are you registered with us?

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-Yeah.

-Um, just give me a sec.

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-Zara?

-Is that a love bite?

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Um, yeah!

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-So, is it that obvious?

-Here...

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Use this. Even works on tattoos.

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Oh, thanks.

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Um, Dr Carmichael will look after you.

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Black, no sugar. Thanks.

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-SIGHING:

-This way.

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-Oh!

-Please, keep it.

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My mum says I've got way more make-up than sense!

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Uh, Valerie, could you show Mr Carswell to my office

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while I deal with our photographer friend?

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Please, call me Jason.

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Who is he?

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Star player of Letherbridge United.

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He's scored 23 goals this season already.

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Oh. Well, he can score with me any time, he is GORGEOUS!

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Um, this way, please.

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So, acid reflux is really nothing to worry...

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TABLET BEEPS

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Oh, sorry. Just... TABLET JINGLE

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Oh, well... Sorry...about that.

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Um... As I was saying, there are plenty of treatment...

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TABLET BEEPS

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AL SIGHS TABLET JINGLE

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Where was I?

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Just, um...

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Yeah! Um, I'll write you a script up for some antacids

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and that will sort it out, yeah?

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Carly reckons she's pregnant.

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I said I'd come with her and have it confirmed.

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Right.

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Have you been together for long?

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I can trust you, can't I?

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Of course. Everything said in here is in confidence.

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It was a one-night stand.

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I was with some of the lads and they...

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..talked me into this drinking game.

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-SIGHING:

-Carly was in one of the bars

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and she made a move on me and, well...

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You're a bloke, you know what these girls are like.

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Yeah.

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And she wasn't trying to set me up or anything,

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but you have to be so careful these days.

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Some of the players have even been blackmailed by fans.

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I'm sure there are plenty of players who take advantage of...

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

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Well?

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It'll be all right.

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-I'll give you some space.

-No, it's fine. We'll, um...

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We'll go back to the hotel and talk about what happens now.

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I'm going to go and fix my face.

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I can't go out looking like this.

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Will you be OK?

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Yeah.

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-Um, is that bloke still outside?

-Yeah. There's a back entrance.

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No point. They find you wherever you go.

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Thanks, mate. Sorry, I don't even know your name.

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-It's Ben Galadima.

-Well, cheers, Ben.

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If there's anything I can do to make up for your help, uh,

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a charitable donation or a selfie for your practice blog, or whatever.

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Either would be great.

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Well, gimme your number.

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Ah...

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Mobile number's on here.

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I'm going to be a Premier League footballer next season.

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Keep it under your hat.

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Dad and I go to all the games.

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He's been a Letherbridge United supporter since he was a kid.

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Well, give him my best, yeah?

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-I'll see you around.

-Bye.

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-HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Carly?

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We need to go. I broke the news to Ron.

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-He wants a word.

-Does he?

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I'll wait in the car.

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Don't be long.

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MUG CLATTERS

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Is this all for the PPG's benefit?

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I just don't want to arouse any suspicion

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about the scabies outbreak.

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Why? Do they conduct body searches?

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Valerie, it's not Environmental Health,

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it's a patient forum for a few tedious people with no lives

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and too much time on their hands.

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Well, I think it's important to listen to our patients.

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I saw how useful this group could be first hand

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when I lived with Ashley.

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My advice is wear earplugs.

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Frankly, Zara, I'm disappointed by your negativity.

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As a partner, I think you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.

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Well, that's me put in my place!

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Try not to scare the group!

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Hello? Mother!

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Are you all right?

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Why wouldn't I be?

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-Well, you video called me three times.

-When?

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Today!

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Did I?

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Oh, yes!

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Didn't you... used to have a girlfriend?

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What?! We had all this last week.

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-When?

-Mum, you know, you're not supposed to call me

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when I'm at work, remember?

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Not unless it's an emergency.

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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I don't mean to be a pest.

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KNOCK AT DOOR Ooh, um, I've got a patient.

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I've got to go. I will call you when I get in tonight, yeah?

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Ooh, is that a new blouse?

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Yes. I bought it for the meeting.

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I'm going for "professional yet feminine".

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-Suits you.

-Thank you.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Oh. Hello, Mill Health Centre?

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Oh, he's actually out on a call at the moment. Can I take a message?

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Oh.

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Right, and it's definitely cancelled?

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OK.

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HUBBUB OF CONVERSATION

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-Oh!

-Is it kicking already? Must have my right foot.

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-It's still tiny, stupid!

-I was joking.

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I've got tummy ache.

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What do you think - should I go back to the doctor?

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Well, I mean...

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Cheers, mate. I'll do the honours.

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-With Ron's compliments...

-I can't drink when I'm expecting!

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Oh, one glass won't do any harm.

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Oh, it's not right. Should I phone the doctor?

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Don't worry, everything's sorted.

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Ron's booked you a termination in the morning.

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If you cooperate and go with the story he'll give the press,

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you'll get a nice, fat cheque.

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We have to do as he says, Carly.

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Right, I'm off to the uni.

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-You haven't told him?

-What?

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Uh... The meeting's been rescheduled.

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One of the governors can't make it because of a family bereavement.

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Why didn't you say? I can come to the PPG.

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-That's why she didn't tell you.

-DOOR OPENS

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You said that I could go solo, Ben. Please?

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Can I see Dr Carmichael? I'm worried about the baby.

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Take a seat.

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-Is Zara free?

-Uh, no, she's with a patient, but she shouldn't be long.

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-Uh... OK. Valerie, go. Break a leg.

-Uh! Are you sure?

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-Yeah.

-Thank you!

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-The doctor won't be long.

-Thanks.

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Where's Jason?

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Who cares?

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They want me to have an abortion.

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Do you know they're paying me to keep quiet?

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-"They"?

-His manager. Creep.

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He's the one who set us up in the first place!

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What will you do?

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Don't know. Might go to the papers, dish the dirt.

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I'd make more money that way.

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-But what about Jason's career?

-SHE SCOFFS

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-Why should

-I

-care about that?

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-Sorry, could you see...?

-Carly? Come through.

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So, apart from the stomach pain, have you had any other symptoms?

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-It hurts when I pee.

-Is there any blood in your urine?

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No, but it smells funny.

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What do you think it is?

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It's probably just a urinary tract infection.

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They're quite common during pregnancy.

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-Will the baby be harmed?

-Not if it's treated.

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That's if they let me keep it.

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Do you want to keep it?

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It's your body, Carly.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Hello?

-Ben, it's Jason Carswell.

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-Oh, hi.

-I'm looking for Carly. Is she at the surgery?

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-Why, is everything OK?

-She's being difficult, Ben.

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She's insisting that we get married.

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This isn't the 1950s,

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I'm not getting hitched off the back of a one-night stand.

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My manager suggested a termination, but she freaked out.

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HE SIGHS

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You need to talk to her before she speaks to anyone else.

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Yeah, great. Thanks. I'll keep trying her mobile.

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Actually, while I've got you, are you doing anything later?

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-No, why?

-It was just a thought -

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some of the players are coming over to the hotel for dinner...

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You can join, if you like?

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Get some autographs for your dad.

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-OK.

-It's the Challinor on Fulton Street. Room 401.

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Hi, I'm Ashley Mackintosh.

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-Valerie?

-Hello, Ashley.

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I, uh... I didn't even recognise you!

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I'm representing the practice at the meeting.

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Are you...well?

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Hello! Hi. Um, come on in.

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-Good evening.

-Good evening.

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Good evening.

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-Good evening. MAN:

-Good evening.

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-How are you?

-OK? Yeah...

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Hmm...

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Ah...

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Mmm! Ah! Call Mother...

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-You found it OK?

-Yeah.

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Where are we meeting the others?

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Oh, they blew me out. They're on a bar crawl...

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I didn't fancy it.

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Are you sure I'm not intruding?

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I can get your autograph another day.

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I invited you over to say thanks, Ben, not give you an autograph.

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I'm not exactly David Beckham... yet!

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Look, stop thinking of me as a footballer.

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HE PATS SEAT

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I'm just Jase. I'm just one of the lads.

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Now, I hope you like champagne.

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I know it's a bit of a gay drink, but I've developed a taste for it.

0:13:120:13:17

Thanks.

0:13:210:13:23

Cheers.

0:13:230:13:25

Cheers.

0:13:260:13:27

So, regarding the first item,

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the rumoured outbreak of scabies at the Mill Health Centre.

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Can Miss Pitman confirm if there WAS an infestation amongst the staff?

0:13:370:13:41

-Um...

-SHE CLEARS THROAT

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Some individuals were affected, yeah...

0:13:440:13:50

..but measures were implemented immediately

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to limit any cross-contamination.

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Uh, there was no risk to public health.

0:13:560:13:58

Really? Well, I'm sure we're all very reassured by THAT!

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ASHLEY LAUGHS

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Turning next to the perennial issue of DNAs.

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Those are patients who "did not attend" for the, uh, newer members.

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It appears the practice has again

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made no progress towards a workable solution.

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It is very much a concern of the partners,

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but there are no easy answers...

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I've long advocated a strict policy of three strikes and you're out.

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There really is no excuse for wasting valuable NHS resources.

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Yes. But some of the people we're talking about

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are amongst the most vulnerable.

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You can't punish them for having chaotic lives.

0:14:350:14:39

I doubt Mrs Tembe would be such a pushover!

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What about patients with mental illnesses?

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Older patients? Young, single mums?

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I work for the Vulnerable Patient Assessment Scheme,

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so I've met some of these people first hand.

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Yes, DNAs are an issue, of course.

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But when it comes to solutions, it really isn't one size fits all.

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Right.

0:15:030:15:04

And then Mabel came round for a cup of tea.

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-Who's Mabel?

-Oh, she's my friend from the pottery class.

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-She goes on a bit, she repeats herself.

-Oh, does she now?!

0:15:090:15:13

And then I had lunch.

0:15:130:15:15

-What did you have for lunch?

-Tomato soup.

0:15:150:15:18

-You hate tomatoes.

-I don't mind them in a soup.

0:15:180:15:20

What are you having for your tea?

0:15:220:15:23

Oh, uh, I've got this lasagne thing,

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but, ooh, looking at it, I might go down the pub instead.

0:15:260:15:30

-Oh, well, I better let you go then.

-Are you sure?

0:15:300:15:32

-Yeah, sure.

-OK, well, I'll call you tomorrow.

0:15:320:15:35

Same time, same place, yeah?

0:15:350:15:36

Oh! Have you got good thermal gain in your windows?

0:15:360:15:42

Where'd that come from?

0:15:420:15:44

Don't know, it's just an idea popped into my head.

0:15:460:15:48

Has someone been talking to you about windows?

0:15:480:15:51

No.

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I...don't know.

0:15:540:15:55

Well, which is it?

0:15:550:15:56

Mm... Come on, you lightweight, keep up!

0:15:590:16:02

So, your dad's the footie nut then?

0:16:040:16:06

Wait till I tell him about this.

0:16:070:16:09

I'll get you a box for the next game.

0:16:090:16:11

You got any brothers or sisters?

0:16:120:16:14

No. You?

0:16:140:16:15

Yeah, two brothers but we're not close.

0:16:150:16:18

I've only ever had football, really.

0:16:180:16:20

-You got a girlfriend?

-No.

0:16:210:16:23

Keeping your options open?

0:16:250:16:26

I bet they love you - suited and booted.

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Young exec.

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Nah!

0:16:320:16:33

Or...

0:16:350:16:37

..maybe you prefer blokes?

0:16:390:16:40

What?

0:16:400:16:41

Your face!

0:16:440:16:45

I do know you're gay, Ben.

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Is it that obvious?

0:16:510:16:53

No, but...

0:16:540:16:55

..it's not a problem.

0:17:000:17:02

Wait, but what about all that stuff about the champagne?

0:17:050:17:09

I was winding you up.

0:17:110:17:12

So, you're gay?

0:17:140:17:16

No.

0:17:180:17:20

Who said that?

0:17:200:17:21

As for Mr Galadima, the new junior practice manager, uh...

0:17:240:17:29

The group feel he's far too green to be stepping into Mrs Tembe's shoes.

0:17:290:17:33

I mean, what relevant experience does he bring?

0:17:330:17:37

Apart from his ability to stack shelves!

0:17:370:17:39

-SOME LAUGHTER

-Um...

0:17:390:17:41

Ben has worked as an NHS business admin officer

0:17:410:17:44

for two years, actually.

0:17:440:17:45

And he's done a fast-track management scheme.

0:17:450:17:47

So, yes, that does in fact qualify him

0:17:470:17:49

to step into the shoes of pretty much any practice manager.

0:17:490:17:52

And he's so passionate about the job.

0:17:530:17:55

Shame he couldn't show his face tonight!

0:17:550:17:58

He had a prior engagement.

0:17:580:18:00

Mrs Tembe has been mentoring Ben for some time now and she has

0:18:000:18:04

complete confidence in his ability to cover for her in her absence.

0:18:040:18:07

And as for his age and previous experience...

0:18:070:18:11

Well, I think any criticism of that really comes down to snobbery,

0:18:110:18:15

or ageism, or just plain narrow-mindedness.

0:18:150:18:18

Or, in this case...all three.

0:18:180:18:21

Uh...

0:18:220:18:23

Ah...

0:18:230:18:25

OK, you're looking for paperwork.

0:18:260:18:28

Something to do with windows or double glazing.

0:18:280:18:32

Right. OK, Mother, come back to the chair.

0:18:350:18:37

-Now, pick the laptop up.

-It's plugged in!

0:18:370:18:42

You can unplug it, it's fine.

0:18:420:18:44

I want you to walk around the room with the laptop showing out,

0:18:440:18:47

so that I can have a look, yeah?

0:18:470:18:48

That's it. Slowly.

0:18:500:18:52

What's that? On the sideboard.

0:18:580:19:01

I don't know.

0:19:040:19:05

Well, how long's it been there?

0:19:080:19:09

-I can't remember.

-OK, Mother, you can go and sit back down.

0:19:090:19:14

Right, I need you to think really carefully about this.

0:19:160:19:18

Has someone been to the house?

0:19:180:19:21

Right, you remember those scripts I gave you?

0:19:230:19:26

The one for the front door

0:19:260:19:28

and the one in case anybody cold calls you, yeah?

0:19:280:19:30

Yes. And I always use them, I swear!

0:19:300:19:34

Mum, it's OK. There's no panic here.

0:19:340:19:36

But I need you to think really, really carefully.

0:19:360:19:39

Did someone give you that brochure?

0:19:400:19:43

I'm not sure.

0:19:470:19:48

I don't think I gave him any money.

0:19:500:19:52

HE SIGHS

0:19:540:19:55

OK, Mum, listen, I... I need you to telephone your bank.

0:19:550:20:01

And I'm going to stay on here and listen while you do that. OK?

0:20:010:20:06

Why are you getting so angry?

0:20:080:20:09

Because you're twisting things and you're messing with my head!

0:20:090:20:12

Jason, I know how difficult it can be.

0:20:120:20:15

-I only recently came o...

-YELLS:

-I'm not bent! OK?!

0:20:150:20:18

And how do you think that makes me feel?

0:20:210:20:23

Using words like that?

0:20:230:20:24

You make it sound like it's something to be ashamed of.

0:20:240:20:26

Because it IS something to be ashamed of!

0:20:260:20:28

-Look, no, it's not.

-Don't touch me!

0:20:280:20:30

Well, thanks for the drinks.

0:20:320:20:33

You breathe a word of this to anyone and you'll regret it!

0:20:350:20:37

The recent violent attack at the Mill Health Centre

0:20:460:20:49

raises very real concerns about patient safety.

0:20:490:20:53

I do feel that one of the partners themselves

0:20:540:20:57

should have been here tonight

0:20:570:20:58

to provide greater reassurance that evening surgeries are safe.

0:20:580:21:03

VALERIE SIGHS

0:21:030:21:05

I was the member of staff who was attacked...

0:21:080:21:10

..so I think I am quite well placed to comment.

0:21:100:21:13

Because if it hadn't been for the actions of Dr Haskey,

0:21:130:21:16

I might not be here tonight.

0:21:160:21:17

But this isn't really about one unfortunate incident.

0:21:170:21:21

Evening appointments are proving incredibly popular with the patients

0:21:210:21:26

and thanks to the new buzzer system and receptionist training, I...

0:21:260:21:29

..WE are determined to continue providing them.

0:21:300:21:34

I hope that answers some of your concerns.

0:21:340:21:37

How much money has been taken out of the account?

0:21:430:21:46

£1,000?!

0:21:480:21:50

What have I done?!

0:21:530:21:55

OK, Mum, I need you to get the direct number

0:21:550:21:59

of the person you're speaking to at the bank, I...

0:21:590:22:02

..I want to have a word with them.

0:22:020:22:03

You all right, son? You look strung out.

0:22:060:22:09

I just want to be on my own, thanks.

0:22:090:22:11

Things didn't go so well upstairs then?

0:22:120:22:14

With Jason.

0:22:150:22:17

Are you his manager?

0:22:180:22:19

-SCOFFS:

-Lord, no!

0:22:190:22:20

Just an interested party.

0:22:210:22:23

-A journalist!

-Oh, don't say it like that!

0:22:230:22:26

We all have to earn a living.

0:22:260:22:29

I've known Jason since he was a kid.

0:22:300:22:33

When he was a mouthful of braces and a face full of acne.

0:22:340:22:37

I sussed then he was gay.

0:22:390:22:41

He was so far back in the closet, he was in Narnia!

0:22:410:22:45

I don't know what you're talking about.

0:22:450:22:46

I just came to get his autograph.

0:22:460:22:48

Is that what you call it?

0:22:490:22:51

I feel sorry for him.

0:22:540:22:55

I mean, despite all the best efforts of the powers that be,

0:22:570:22:59

football's still in the Dark Ages.

0:22:590:23:01

It's all endorsements, men in suits.

0:23:020:23:05

And you're only acceptable to them if you're straight.

0:23:050:23:10

Word is, he's got some bird up the duff.

0:23:140:23:17

Probably his manager's idea.

0:23:190:23:20

One thing's for sure...

0:23:230:23:25

..football's not the beautiful game any more.

0:23:260:23:28

I'd stay well clear if I were you.

0:23:300:23:32

-Did you say anything to that journo?

-No.

0:23:480:23:51

-I'm sorry for what I said.

-Yeah.

0:23:520:23:54

No, please, just hear me out.

0:23:540:23:56

Not here. This way.

0:23:580:23:59

Valerie, can I ask you something?

0:24:080:24:11

Are you fully recovered now from your, um...cancer?

0:24:110:24:16

Yes.

0:24:160:24:17

But what would you care?

0:24:180:24:19

I'm so sorry for the way I treated you.

0:24:210:24:23

When I was a child, I lost a very dear friend to cancer and I...

0:24:230:24:28

..I just didn't think I could go through it again.

0:24:280:24:32

I'm sorry I let you down.

0:24:320:24:33

You look amazing!

0:24:350:24:37

And hearing you speak so passionately here tonight, well...

0:24:370:24:40

You're an incredible woman, Valerie.

0:24:420:24:44

Oh, yeah!

0:24:450:24:46

I suppose I am.

0:24:470:24:48

-Bye, then.

-Are you OK?!

0:24:500:24:52

No, I'm fine.

0:24:520:24:53

Yes, look, I know all about data protection,

0:24:560:24:59

I know all about power of attorney, thank you very much,

0:24:590:25:02

but my mother is a vulnerable person,

0:25:020:25:03

she has dementia and she has been ripped off!

0:25:030:25:06

So, please, can you tell me, on her behalf,

0:25:060:25:10

is there any way we can reverse that transaction?

0:25:100:25:13

So, you set up this whole pregnancy thing to make the world think

0:25:150:25:18

you're some kind of hetero stud?

0:25:180:25:20

There've been rumours about me in the changing rooms. I had no choice.

0:25:200:25:24

What about Carly?! What about HER choice?!

0:25:240:25:27

I know.

0:25:280:25:30

Until someone in your position comes out, Jason,

0:25:300:25:32

nothing will change.

0:25:320:25:34

-What, until then you'll have nothing to do with me?

-I didn't say that.

0:25:340:25:37

You're the only person who understands, Ben.

0:25:370:25:40

The only one I can talk to.

0:25:410:25:43

I thought I messed with your head?

0:25:430:25:44

It's only cos I fancy you.

0:25:460:25:48

Stay with me.

0:25:510:25:52

Please.

0:25:540:25:55

Spend the night.

0:25:550:25:56

I'm sorry.

0:25:580:25:59

I hope you work things out.

0:26:000:26:02

QUIET CHATTER IN BAR

0:26:060:26:09

-Stick another one in there, son.

-I'll get that. And a large brandy.

0:26:090:26:13

I've got a story for you, Brian.

0:26:160:26:18

An exclusive.

0:26:190:26:21

Go on.

0:26:220:26:23

I'm, uh...

0:26:260:26:28

I'm going to be a dad.

0:26:300:26:32

Course you are, son.

0:26:360:26:38

Congratulations.

0:26:420:26:43

The bank can't reverse the transaction,

0:26:460:26:49

but I'm going to call that window company first thing.

0:26:490:26:54

Oh... Why didn't I use the script you gave me?

0:26:540:26:59

It's not your fault.

0:26:590:27:00

I promise, Mum. I'm going to do everything I can to sort this.

0:27:010:27:05

Will you be all right?

0:27:050:27:06

-Yeah.

-I'll give you a call in the morning, yeah?

0:27:070:27:10

-Night, son.

-Night, Mum. TABLET BLEEPS

0:27:110:27:16

I just want to make sure you're all right.

0:27:260:27:28

-Do I look all right?

-It was an accident.

0:27:280:27:29

You pushed me into a lamppost!

0:27:290:27:31

-Sit down, you were in an accident.

-Should've looked where I was going.

0:27:310:27:33

I had no choice!

0:27:330:27:35

Of course you had a choice. It's YOUR house, Mother!

0:27:350:27:37

-What the hell do you want?

-I'm looking for Callum Whitten.

0:27:380:27:41

AL YELLS DOWN PHONE: Get out of my mother's house

0:27:410:27:44

or I'll call the police!

0:27:440:27:46

You have five seconds!

0:27:460:27:47

Valerie nervously makes preparations for the PPG meeting, while Al receives some alarming news from his mother. Ben is star-struck when a professional footballer comes into the Mill and asks for his help - but what is really going on?


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