The Accidental Muse Doctors

Wish I could come with you.

No surgery, no patients, no hassles, just me and Sierra.

Park and picnic first, and then the library for this book thing.

Sorry, I beg your pardon. You at a library?

Oi! It's for Sierra.

She's totally obsessed with those Awesome Amelia books.

-Author's doing a reading.

-Oh, it must be so lovely to be so creative.

You know, I've always thought I had a book in me.

I wouldn't give up your day job just yet.

Mm, you've gone in with the perfume.

Doing something special? Or someone?

Certainly not!

PHONE BEEPS

Who's that, then?

-No-one.

-Valerie...

You'd best be off. Don't want to be late for Sierra, do you?

-PHONE RINGS

-Ah!

Hello, Mill Health Centre. How can I help?

Hello, Mrs Carr. Well, let me see...

Well, how does 11.30 on Thursday suit?

OK. Well, I'll see you then. Bye!

Mrs Tembe, Mrs Tembe! It's just let me put an appointment in!

Oh, it is working! Thank the Lord.

Don't thank the Lord, thank Jimmi!

All I did was switch it on and off again.

As long as it's all systems go...

KLAXON WAILS

Oh, I wouldn't go that far. Oh, no, no, no!

I can't get into the patient records.

Does that mean that it is not working again?

I don't know. How would I know?

The files must be locked or something.

Can't you use your magic touch?

I don't know anything about locked files.

Then we need to find someone who does as a matter of urgency.

We are nowhere near ready for the NHS inspection.

May I suggest that we get in contact with Mr Ross from my church?

He restored the parish hard drive when it crashed last year.

He can be trusted. He's an honest, upstanding man.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Hello, Pookie. Still on for lunch at The Icon?

Um, actually I was going to phone you about that. I think

I heard on the news something about a salmonella outbreak.

I haven't heard about salmonella.

Yeah, it's probably best if we give it a miss,

just to be on the safe side.

You're not trying to give me the brush off, are you?

No! No, course not.

It's just...

It's just that Geoffrey is looking a little bit peaky. I don't think

I can leave him, so it's probably best we take a raincheck this time.

Well, no reason why the mountain can't come to Mohammed.

I'll come to you!

Oh, no, I don't want to put you out.

I want to see you. You're not putting me out.

No, no. No, don't come here.

-I will meet you.

-Well, where?

The Icon?

I could call about the salmonella thing.

-Oh, but what about Geoffrey?

-Well, he is looking a little bit better,

actually, so that's good.

-I'll see you later.

-Yeah. Bye!

Gosh, this looks fun. Where's this Miss Rose-Garden, then?

There! Come on, then!

Sorry I'm late.

You look lovely.

What do you fancy?

Can't make my mind up. I'm not really that hungry.

Are you all right?

It wasn't like this before, was it?

It's better than before.

Is it?

Keeping it to ourselves makes it even more special.

Our little secret.

Sierra, come on, where are you?

-Calms the nerves.

-I'll bet.

Everyone needs a little help now and then.

40% proof help?

Meaning?

Nothing.

Sierra, come on, it's about to start.

Lost your child?

No, she's not my child, she's my sister.

And she's not lost, we're playing a game.

Not that it's any of your business.

Very mature!

SHE HICCUPS

The PPG have already had patients complaining.

They want answers. We need to tell them something.

Tell them what exactly? We don't even know what's going on ourselves.

-Well, then, we just tell them that.

-This is a PR nightmare.

Which is why we need to come clean.

It's better to take the initiative now than to do nothing

and then find ourselves on the back foot later.

Dr Granger has a point.

What do we say?

Full disclosure.

Just think of it as a pre-emptive strike.

-Oh, what's the strike bit?

-We get Ashley in.

Not him!

Mr Mackintosh is a meticulous man.

Meticulously annoying.

Do you think that he can deal with this better than we can?

Maybe, if we can find a way of working with him, and get the PPG

on our side, fighting our corner to address patients' concerns head on.

The man's an idiot. You know, this is the Mill we're talking about.

And you're suggesting that we rely on him?!

Forget it, no way.

Awesome Amelia turned the latch

and went inside the Garden Of No Return...

SHE HICCUPS

..where she found all manner of strange characters.

Oh, my, isn't the garden looking so lovely today?

Well, if it isn't Mr Turtle!

Hello, Mr Turtle! Isn't your head looking lovely and shiny today?

CHILDREN LAUGH

It's even reflecting the jolly sun!

CHILDREN LAUGH

And hello, Mrs Wibble-Wobble!

Your bottom is more enormous than I remember it!

CHILDREN LAUGH

I've got a wibble too!

We could wibble wobble all day long together!

Now children, I'd like to introduce you to my long lost sister...

..Cordelia.

Hello, my darling Cordelia. Thank you for coming to see me,

and all my friends in the garden today.

What's that you say? "You wouldn't have missed it"?

And how I've missed you, my darling!

Do you think we look alike, children?

Amelia and Cordelia...

SHE HICCUPS

..reunited at last!

We need a first aider over here!

Ayesha's a nurse.

Can you get some water, please?

OK, deep breaths.

That's it, deep breaths.

Look, I know Ashley's a pain...

-Understatement.

-Yeah, but we need him.

We can't just sit on our hands and hope it all goes away.

Dr Clay is right. We have to do something.

Yep, include the patients, keep their trust.

-DANIEL SCOFFS

-You hope.

No, there is more chance of that by being honest.

We have to show initiative, unless you have a better suggestion.

Ashley? Seriously?

-I'll go and call him.

-Thank you.

I know, I understand. I'm sorry.

I over-reacted last week at the surgery.

It was practice business. I couldn't tell you, even if I wanted to.

I hate hiding things, Ashley.

But it was work. Confidentiality!

Such a professional, such meticulous attention to duty!

Aside from your sensual beauty,

it's one of the things I admire most about you -

your high-mindedness.

You've got backbone, Valerie.

Character.

A moral compass.

You are a mighty oak, standing strong in winds of change.

Enduring, immoveable, timeless...

..not like my wife.

She's so dull!

She's a sparrow. You are a beautiful flamingo!

You are every colour of the rainbow.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, sorry!

Oh, it's the Mill. Must be important.

I am in demand today!

Don't miss me too much.

Ashley Mackintosh speaking.

You should see a doctor.

Stop fussing, I'm fine now.

You were hallucinating. And that vomit, well, it was...

Probably something I ate.

Drank, more like.

You think I've been drinking?!

I saw you.

How dare you, you cheeky...?

Look, I know the signs.

How many times do I have to tell you?

I have not been drinking! I've had quite enough of this.

The hiccupping, the vomming, hallucinations?

Classic signs of alcohol misuse.

Young woman, you're the one that should be writing fiction, not me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I believe my fans are waiting.

-Bye-bye.

-Bye.

-Take care.

I believe Dr Clay is expecting me.

Oh, yes. Do you want to go straight through to room number five?

Were you at the PPG meeting?

I most certainly was not.

Oh, that's funny, cos I swear I just saw you getting out of Ashley's car.

That wasn't me. Not really.

Oh, and how is Ashley these days?

Don't know. You'll have to ask him yourself.

Is that because you haven't seen him?

Exactly.

Come on, we're going home.

-No!

-Sierra!

You said I could get my book signed by Miss Rose-Garden.

I know, but...

Please?

Go on, then.

You seem very happy, Miss Pitman.

Do I?

Yeah, full of the joys.

Has anyone seen Ashley? I was wondering if he'd like a cup of tea.

I was just about to check on Dr Clay

and Mr Mackintosh. I will check.

So Mr Mackintosh is back on the scene?

I've no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, come off it, Valerie. You're seeing him again!

How did you know?

It's obvious - that fiasco in the car park, and the sneaking around.

And we were trying to be so discreet!

Well, you might as well have taken an ad out in The Gazette.

But you mustn't say a word, not to anybody. Do you promise?

Valerie, he's married.

Yes! But don't think badly of us, Karen.

It's so intense!

That's cos you're scared of getting caught!

I know it's not right, but... it's beyond our control.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

Ashley wouldn't hurt me. He's not that sort of a man.

I mean, how many other men do you know, who give up

all their spare time for the PPG like he does?

He's kind and thoughtful and...

Cheating on his missus.

All I'm saying is maybe Ashley is not the saint you think he is.

You don't know him the way I do.

-And what's your name?

-Poppy.

Poppy? That's a lovely name.

SHE GROANS

So we thought it would be best to alert the patients

sooner rather than later.

You don't seem so sure, Dr Granger.

Oh, well, since you ask...

No, no, he's sure. Aren't you?

100%.

So, you want me and the PPG to allay any concerns they have?

If you would.

I'll draft some proposals suggesting how we can address patient

complaints, and reassure them that no personal records are in danger.

That would be brilliant.

It shows that we're taking the problem seriously

and we've included patients from the word go.

I'd also like to liaise with the receptionists,

to get the message out there.

They're our first line in defending the Mill's reputation.

Yeah, great, whatever you need.

And thank you for the support in this.

-We need the PPG on side.

-And we will be.

You did the right thing coming to me.

Right, let's get this statement drafted, shall we?

-Oh, hi, Mrs Tembe.

-Oh!

Oh! Are you all right?

Oh, no, you just startled me! I was miles away.

-Yes, well, you've got a lot on.

-Indeed

So, penny for them?

Mr Mackintosh is here.

-As in Ashley Mackintosh?

-Yes.

He is helping Miss Pitman with the patients.

Hmm. Is that a good idea?

Why?

Well, you do know that Ashley and Valerie have a past,

and, well, he can be a bit...

A bit what?

Silly, foolish, childish.

I think under the circumstances, being a bit childish

is the last thing on their mind.

A little support would be very much appreciated, Dr Reid.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Yes, yes, this is Mrs Tembe.

Ah, Mr Ahmed. we did have a few problems,

yes, and, well, yes most people have been very supportive.

We're next!

This your mum?

I already told you, she's my sister.

I...can't use my arm.

It's useless.

OK, try and lift it again.

I... I...

What's happening to me?

OK, look at me.

That's it, now smile.

Confusion, facial droop, arm weakness...

I think you might be having a stroke.

Hi, ambulance please, Letherbridge Library, soon as.

Excuse me, can you get the children out of here, please?

The joint Mill and PPG statements are saved on this, so

first we should send it to all patients on the e-mail contact list,

then draft letters to those who don't have e-mail.

And what about those ones who have complained?

Ah, we should compile a list and we should call them personally.

Mm. We can use Mrs Tembe's office.

Perfect!

They make a good team.

So long as they get the job done, for all our sakes.

SHE GROANS We've got you.

Just relax.

Oh, Dr Granger, do you have a moment?

-If it's more bad news, no.

-On the contrary -

we have had some phone calls from patients, not complaining,

but thanking us for our honesty and transparency.

Oh.

It is good news for us, do you not think?

Yeah!

Huh.

Sierra, grub's up.

Miss Rose-Garden's dead, isn't she?

No, babes.

She's at the hospital. They're helping her.

Come on, you must be starving.

I made this for Miss Rose-Garden.

It's lovely, very clever.

Can we post it?

I tell you what - we can do one better than that.

Why don't we go to the hospital and see her? See how she's doing?

-Can we?

-Yes, on one condition...

..eat carrots first.

Rest assured, Mr Collins, as soon as we have any more information

to give, you will be the first to know.

Patient care is everything to the PPG, and the Mill.

And a very good day to you, sir.

Oh, charming.

You have such a way with words.

I get it from my grandmother. She came from Blarney.

Where they kiss the stone?

-Yes, that's the place.

-Did you kiss it?

I prefer flesh and blood.

Rubber.

Sorry?

I knew I had one in here!

If only all mistakes could be so easily erased,

do you not agree, Miss Pitman?

On behalf of the Mill, I would just like to say thank you for your

dedication and professionalism in supporting us in this matter.

Not a problem, Mrs Tembe.

Right, the rubber!

Now, where were we?

No, no.

Professionalism, remember?

Miss Rose-Garden!

You look a lot better.

I feel a lot better, thank you.

And this is wonderful! Put it up there for me, would you?

So, tell me, what's it like being a know-it-all?

A know-it-all?

You said it was a stroke. They did a scan.

You were right. Now they just need to know what caused it.

What was it, a TIA?

They said I was lucky. If it hadn't been spotted, it could've led

to a much bigger attack, which might've left permanent damage.

-Or worse.

-They'll put you on meds to stop that happening, though.

Thanks to you.

If you hadn't acted so quickly...

I don't know how to thank you.

It was nothing, Miss Rose-Garden.

We can start by you calling me Senga.

Well, you saved my life,

I rather think we've passed the formalities, don't you?

So that little bottle...?

Herbal remedy for stress, not that it worked,

and not that it's any of your business!

These are for you.

Why, thank you.

Is that Awesome Amelia I see before me?

I never did get round to signing it, did I?

It can wait.

Stuff and nonsense. Hand it over.

You, pen. Make yourself useful, woman, snap to it!

Guys, just to let you know that the patient feedback so far

-has been really positive.

-Oh, that's great.

Ashley, I had my doubts, but I'm so glad you came on board

for this. You two make a good team.

No need for thanks, it was a privilege.

Miss Pitman is a consummate professional.

-Happier now?

-Yeah. Still don't trust him.

Thanks to your big sister,

I now have the inspiration for my next book.

What's it going to be about?

You mean, "WHO is it going to be about?"

The main character is Annoying Ayesha.

She's the most annoying know-it-all ever,

and Awesome Amelia's latest nemesis!

Er, watch it, you.

There's also going to be another new character, too -

Super Sierra.

SIERRA GASPS

She's going to have superpowers,

but I can't exactly decide which one.

Any ideas?

I've got an idea.

-Yeah?

-Fly!

Brilliant, she's going to fly.

Excellent.

OK, all done, apart from Mrs Peters and Mr Smythe,

but I will keep trying them.

I think we did really well to get them all done.

Daniel and Jimmi looked really pleased.

You don't think they noticed anything, you know, about us?

-I don't care if they did!

-Oh, no, but you should!

Cos it was a really close shave earlier on.

-I really don't want anyone to find...

-Don't.

What?

Push me away.

I'm not push...

Read it, read it, read it!

OK, OK, if you sit still and stop jumping about.

That's more like it.

Awesome Amelia was in a fix.

"Why is everything so horribly, awfully wrong today?",

she complained to her cat Rufus.

"Meow," said Rufus.

Not like that! Do voices!

Oh, Sierra, I don't think I can.

Course you can!

AYESHA SIGHS

Awesome Amelia was in a fix.

-HIGH VOICE:

-"Why is everything so horribly, awfully wrong?",

she complained to her cat Rufus.

"Meow!", said Rufus.

Come here.

Are you all right? You look a little bit funny.

That's because I'm fighting, fighting constantly.

You've started a war in my soul, Valerie.

Today, being close to you,

working in harmony, together...

The universe has aligned to bring us back together,

like two planets exploding into each other's orbits!

I can't live a lie any longer!

I love you, Valerie, with every fibre of my being!

Ashley, isn't this all just a little bit too much?

I'm going to leave Helen!

Valerie,

Valerie Pitman,

will you marry me?

Right, OK. I think we need to get you to hospital.

Oh, no, no. I just need to get cleaned up.

Look at this dress!

It was mainly the cremation.

By doing that, I betrayed my faith, my God.

You just don't want me to be happy, that's what it is.

You've got a cushy little number at my place,

-and Ashley would ruin that.

-That is rubbish.

You want me to be unloved and lonely.