Home Truths Doctors

Are you all right?

I don't know.

You're bleeding.

I was attacked.

-Do you know by who?

-No.

Did you hit your head at all?

-I'm not sure.

-Right, OK.

-I think we need to get you to hospital.

-No.

I just need to get cleaned up.

Look at this dress!

All right, it's all right.

Come on.

Sorry I'm late.

Couple of minutes. No worries.

There isn't any way we could postpone my assessment?

I'm afraid not.

We've got an IT crisis at work and I'm way behind...

This was set up ages ago.

-I can't cancel it now.

-OK.

I just thought I'd ask.

I've got an interesting case for you.

She's an ex-patient.

I've downloaded some of the case details.

She's suffering from persistent complex grief disorder.

-Just can't move on.

-Why not?

-That, you need to find out for yourself.

-OK.

Just get her to try and open up a bit, maybe encourage her to see

things a bit differently, show her how counselling could help.

In one session?

Why not? I have every faith in you.

CHIMING

She's here.

What are you doing?

I had forgotten how much work was involved.

Who's getting married?

-I am.

-To who?

Ashley, obviously.

-Ashley?!

-Yeah.

He proposed.

What?!

Now, do you think that the cupcakes should match the floral display or just complement it?

How can you even be thinking about cupcakes and flowers?

You have to, Eesh.

There are more important things.

Yeah, I know, obviously - the dress.

Fortunately, I have narrowed my shortlist down to 12.

No, no, no. Not the dress.

I've also got shortlists for the venue, the music, the cake. Oh!

-Would you like to be a bridesmaid?

-Valerie, none of that matters.

I think you'll find it does.

The most important thing in any wedding is

the man you're going to marry.

-And?

-Think about it.

I've told you. It's Ashley.

Who's already married.

To another woman!

Sorry.

You've really no idea who did this to you?

It's all a bit of a blur.

-Was it because you're wearing a... you know?

-Karen!

There have been loads of homophobic attacks lately, Rob said.

I'm... I'm not gay.

-Oh!

-Look, Karen.

Lots of crossdressers aren't gay.

I'm not a crossdresser.

-Oh.

-This...is my wife's dress.

Right.

Ever since I lost her, I've started to wear her clothes.

It helps me to feel closer to her.

Well, Leo, your head seems fine, but I would still like you to go to A&E.

No.

Is there somebody we can call?

Or someone who can come and take care of you?

I've got no-one...

..now that Ali's gone.

It's been five years since my husband died.

I know I'm supposed to move on, get over it.

Why do you say supposed to move on?

It's what everyone thinks - it's what they want.

And what do you think?

Mostly, I don't think anything.

I just feel numb.

I bounce back and forth between the shock, the anger,

the hopelessness.

Talking about how you feel is always a good start.

Exactly.

You've had some physical health problems since your husband died, yes?

My blood pressure's too high, I suffer from insomnia,

anxiety, dizzy spells.

And you're on medication?

Anti-depressants.

Not that they make any difference.

And I self-medicate.

Alcohol.

-And you've had counselling?

-Yes.

But this is different.

Nothing can help me now.

I don't normally go out looking like this.

But I have lapses.

Lapses?

I lose all track of time, and then

I look up and I don't know where I am or how I got there.

That's not good.

I miss her so much.

My wife.

It's like we were two people living in two bodies,

and now it's like we're two people living in one body.

Is that crazy?

No.

-Look, about these...

-Is there another way out of here?

-Why?

-I've just seen one of my students in your waiting room.

Oh, oh, right.

So you're a lecturer?

Environmental sciences. I can't face him, not wearing this.

-I understand.

-Couldn't I stay here? I mean, just for a bit?

-Um...

Yes. Yes, I suppose so.

I could find you a room.

Well, it's probably a good idea for me to keep an eye on you for a bit, anyway.

-Thank you.

-OK. No problem.

I'll just go and sort it out.

You are unbelievable!

-No, wait...

-Did you listen to a word I said?

-I will stop in a minute.

-No!

-Look, I've just got to finish planning, just in case.

-Valerie, step away from the magazines!

-Ayesha!

-I'm serious.

-They're just magazines.

-Right, get your things. We're going out.

-What?

I've got to get you away from them.

We'll go and fly Sierra's kite.

Don't throw them away!

When he died, I left everything in our flat exactly as it was.

I couldn't bring myself to change anything.

I still can't.

Does that help you cope?

I don't live there any more.

I moved in with my niece and her husband.

-Was that your idea?

-No.

My niece, and her husband.

And they were right. It wasn't practical.

But I think they mainly wanted to get me away from the memories.

Why?

She thinks it's bad for me.

Not that she would ever say anything.

But I can see it in her eyes.

I've said he can stay for a little bit.

So, this was handed in.

It was found on the pavement outside.

I've had a look through.

Is that his name?

Leo. Leo Barberry. Yes.

Do you think his wife's death has sent him a bit, you know...?

-Karen!

-What? I mean, it's not normal, is it?

Going around, dressed like that, just to be close to your wife?

It doesn't mean that he's mentally ill.

-Maybe not...

-Look.

Can you keep an eye on him for me, please?

He's been talking about having memory lapses. Thanks.

What people do often has more effect on us than what they say.

They'd never do anything to hurt me.

They might not be aware.

I don't make life easy for them.

If you feel that you're being judged but no-one actually says so,

then that's not easy.

Do you really think people are judging?

It can make it harder to see things for what they are.

Even they don't know they're doing it.

Especially if they don't.

Actually, there were some things - a lot of things.

Really?

Things I tried to say.

Things they ignored, looks between them.

Between who?

This isn't something we talked about.

-Maybe we should have.

-Sorry?

If we could get back to...

It might have been different.

About what?

Celia?

I'm sorry. I need some air.

Oh, kite-flying!

Just the sort of thing Ashley would enjoy.

-Valerie!

-What?

Stop thinking about Ashley.

I'm not.

How do you even know he's going to leave his wife?

-Cos he told me.

-Married men have affairs all the time.

And they mostly don't leave their wives.

He did propose to me.

Yeah, before he'd sorted his marriage out,

and before you two had any idea if you could even make it work again.

I'm sure we can.

He's a coward.

How can you say that?

When you told him you had cancer, what did he do?

He said he couldn't cope and walked away.

-Great, I'll see you in three weeks.

-Sure.

Our friend - he's barricaded himself in the sickbay.

Oh, no.

Are you OK?

Not really.

If you don't want to go back in...

You spend years thinking you know someone.

Thinking you know what's best for them.

You talking about your husband?

There were things we never discussed.

Important things.

Like?

I'm Catholic.

And he had no time for religion.

No-one in my family did.

-Was that a problem?

-No.

I just accepted it but, in his will, he asked to be cremated.

He didn't even want a service.

OK.

He was a very private man.

So, I did what he wanted.

I obeyed his wishes to the letter.

Was that a problem?

It was mainly the cremation.

By doing that, I betrayed my faith, my God and, in the end,

I betrayed him too.

I see.

Do you? No-one else did.

You know what Jacob said?

He said she was just using it as an excuse.

Another way to avoid moving on.

She?

What?

You said she.

Did I? I meant me.

Sorry.

Today isn't going to plan at all.

What plan?

What if the cremation really was the most important thing?

And no-one could see it for what it was?

Not even me.

No-one could see what?

Nothing.

Leo? He's got the window open.

-Leo?

-Don't come any closer!

All right, all right. I'm not going to.

It's all right.

You said you betrayed your faith. Could you elaborate?

If the sanctity of the human body isn't respected, there's no

chance of resurrection.

And respect is critical in Christianity, yes?

Yes.

What about self-sacrifice? I mean, obviously, Christ sacrificed himself.

So that's pretty fundamental, too?

Yes.

Is it possible that what you did was genuinely spiritual?

Generous and Christian in the deepest sense of the words?

How do you mean?

Well, you respected him enough to sacrifice the thing that was most important to you.

Like Christ did.

-Exactly.

-I don't think we should read too much into...

Because I was serving him and denying myself.

If there is an afterlife,

what you did would have made it easier for him to transition to.

Not harder.

I never thought of it like that.

I don't think anyone did.

And if he was, in fact, in heaven,

wouldn't that have made it easier for you to let him go?

Maybe.

Oh, God!

What?

She wasn't trying to hold on to him.

-She?

-She was trying to let him go.

-Celia?

-But she couldn't.

Because of what she'd done.

-Who?

-Aunt Dora.

What are you doing?

And we couldn't see it.

-Who's Aunt Dora?

-Because we didn't listen.

We didn't take her seriously.

-We did.

-That's why she killed herself.

Sorry, what's going on?

You don't know what pain feels like.

Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of her.

Believe me, I know what you're going through.

You've lost someone, I suppose?

More than once.

I'm sorry. How do you get over it?

I'm not sure you ever do.

But you find a way to carry on.

What if you can't?

It always feels like that at first.

But things change.

And there are people who can help you.

There's only one person who can help me, and she's gone.

-And no-one else even knows I'm alive.

-Really?

That student earlier - he was in my consulting room.

He said that you are the best lecturer in the department.

Did he?

Yes. Come away from the window.

Aunt Dora is my aunt.

She was the one with the complex grief disorder.

And it was her husband who died?

Yes.

She went to pieces.

So we asked her to move in with us.

And you're together?

We're married.

And you counselled her?

Yes.

Everything we told you did happen.

Just...not to me.

Did she really kill herself?

-Yes.

-When?

Two years ago.

Why didn't you tell me all of this?

I wanted your assessment to be as realistic as possible.

I had another case lined up. He backed out at the last minute.

-So why didn't you just let me postpone it?

-Celia was on her way.

I thought this would work.

It was something we'd talked about,

something we'd lived through. If only she'd kept to the script.

I'm sorry. I thought I could do it.

What happened?

It was what he said about the cremation. I should have known that was the problem.

Celia, it's not your fault Dora killed herself.

I wish you could see what this is doing to you.

-I'm fine.

-That's why you've got to go and see someone.

This is the first time you've opened up since she died.

Did you set this up? To convince her that she needed counselling?

You did, didn't you? You used me.

And me.

I'm sorry. I was desperate.

I know you're right.

Do something about it, then.

Yeah, I should, I suppose.

-Valerie!

-What?

-You're supposed to pull when I throw the kite up.

-Oh, sorry.

It's just I can't stop thinking about it.

How wonderful it would be if it worked.

Which it won't.

It would be a lovely wedding.

-Stop it!

-What?

Stop thinking about weddings!

Anyway, what would you know about a functional relationship? You've never had one.

-I have.

-You haven't been with anyone since Tyler.

-And that was a disaster.

-Maybe I don't want to be with anyone at the moment.

You just don't want me to be happy, that's what it is.

You've got a cushy little number at my place, and Ashley would ruin that.

-That is rubbish.

-You want me to be unloved and lonely.

I'm doing the kite now.

I mean, you're young, beautiful.

You've got your whole life ahead of you.

I'm unwanted, on the shelf.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

-Why are you doing this?

-What?

Helping me.

I'm worried about you.

KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.

Could I have a word, please, in private?

Can you give me a minute?

You can go.

I'm not going to do anything, I promise.

So there was no other patient, was there? No last-minute cancellation?

-No.

-Everything you've told me since I've arrived - that's a lie?

-I'm sorry.

-What else have you lied about?

He lied to me.

I was trying to help you.

That doesn't make it right.

Or very ethical.

-Did you lie to Aunt Dora?

-What about?

You never really wanted to treat her.

Because she was family.

But you begged me.

You didn't take her seriously.

I did everything by the book!

How do I know that isn't a lie?

Actually, he's right.

The danger is, you get too close or take things too seriously.

If you'd explained the cremation to her the way he did...

Counselling people you're close to is never a good idea.

-Why did you stop her sessions?

-I didn't.

She said you did.

I told her that there was no point in carrying on unless she took it seriously.

So you did stop them?

I had to do something to shock her!

Is that what you were trying to do to me? Shock me?

You've got to move on, Celia.

How am I supposed to move on?

I found my aunt dead on our bathroom floor!

How do you think I feel? I was treating her.

And I failed!

His phone rang. It was in his bag.

So I answered it.

-Who was it?

-His wife.

-What?

-Yeah.

No, no, no, he...

She left him three months ago.

She wanted to know how he was after what happened outside.

How did she know about that?

She was there.

The reason I can't move on is because you blame me

-for what happened.

-I don't.

You don't say it, but you think it.

If anyone killed Aunt Dora, it's me.

Or neither of you.

Don't patronise me. It's bad enough him doing it.

Well, there is another way of looking at this.

When I arrived, you told me to get her to open up,

try to get her to think about things differently.

You told him that?

And that's what I've been doing.

Your aunt felt that she'd betrayed her faith, her God

and her husband by cremating him and denying him a place in heaven, yes?

That's what she said.

And you reckon that she couldn't forgive herself,

she couldn't move on and, ultimately, couldn't go on living?

It's a guess, yes, but it seems likely.

-And she was quite devout?

-Very.

And she probably knew more about Christianity than any of us?

Obviously.

So, if I could work out that, by following the wishes

in the will, that was compassionate...

And Christian.

..then maybe she could, too.

She didn't say anything in our sessions.

Trying to explain faith to someone who clearly doesn't believe

can feel like a waste of time.

The week before she died, she talked about heaven a lot.

She was just rambling.

What if she wasn't, though?

What if she decided he was there after all?

Then why would she kill herself?

Because she was trying to join him.

That doesn't make sense.

Well, not to you, maybe to her.

And it would be wrong.

A terrible mistake on so many levels.

Maybe.

But that's her mistake, not yours.

-Why did you tell me your wife had died?

-I didn't. I said I lost her.

Yes, but you knew I thought she was dead.

She might as well be.

She won't talk to me, she won't see me.

Actually, she's on her way.

Really?

She said that you tried to hit her boyfriend.

He stole the woman I love.

-And he hit you back?

-Yeah, well, he's bigger than me.

-So why did you say you didn't know who'd attacked you?

-She'll bring him!

-I've got to get out of here!

-No. She's coming on her own.

Please. I'd rather you stayed.

Why?

Because I'm worried that you're a danger to yourself.

Sometimes I think it's the only way she'll realise how much I need her.

Do you think you'd really do it?

I don't know. Maybe.

-There's always something you can do.

-Is there?

-Otherwise you're just defeatist.

-Or realistic.

You've got no business being a counsellor.

Not everyone wants to be helped.

When you've passed your assessment, I might take your advice. Until then...

What do you mean, when? He was brilliant.

-What, that? That doesn't count.

-Why not?

Because the whole thing fell apart. There was no session.

You can't do this to me.

I have nothing to assess you on.

It's not my fault your set-up didn't work.

-Still.

-So you lied to me,

-you've wasted my time, and you manipulated me.

-And me.

-I could complain about all of this.

-Fine.

If you think it will do you any good.

Do you know what? I took on board everything you said.

All the lies.

I addressed the problem,

I even found a way to positively reframe Dora's narrative.

Hypothetically.

-You did say he got me to open up.

-I even found a way to reframe your narrative.

-Which, incidentally, was every bit as poisonous as Dora's.

-Don't get above yourself.

I haven't forgotten that snide little remark about counselling people too close to you.

-I was agreeing with you!

-You don't know the first thing about Celia.

Or me, or our relationship.

He was trying to help.

And you've got no idea what was going on in Dora's brain.

No-one does.

Valerie, you are not over the hill.

And anyway, it's not like you only get one chance to meet someone in your 20s and then that's it.

Well, it feels like it.

Look at Ruhma and Heston.

I'm not like them.

There will be someone for you.

Just not Ashley.

He is very persistent.

So is a stalker.

Oh, he's not as bad as all that!

Actually, he sort of idolises me.

When it suits him. And when it doesn't, he dumps you.

What if I could get him to change?

You can't.

-I could try.

-Seriously?

I know what you're saying, but what if he did change?

Into what? Into a man who doesn't cheat on his wife?

Into a man who doesn't leave when someone tells them

they've got cancer?

All right.

He couldn't be more wrong for you.

And you know that.

Do you often think you'd be better off dead?

Quite a lot.

But I don't know if I'd really do it.

You know, it's a sign of depression.

And depression is an illness, just like any other.

And there are people who can help you get better.

-Can they bring Ali back?

-She's not dead.

-But she still cares about you.

-Does she?

Yeah, otherwise she wouldn't be on her way.

When she sees me like this, she'll remember why she left me.

-Apparently, I'm too clingy.

-Maybe you should let her go.

What?

If you didn't try so hard, she might see why

she was with you in the first place.

That would bring her back?

Probably not.

But what you're doing isn't working, is it?

No.

Look.

If she cares enough about you to come

and see you now, then maybe she cares enough to help you get better.

I've just wasted a whole afternoon.

It wasn't a total waste.

I'll have to come back and do it all over again.

You made a real difference to me.

-And to Jacob.

-Really?

We will talk about what happened now.

Maybe not right away.

-Look, if you'd just been honest with me from the start...

-Sorry.

I've worked really hard for this. Weeks, months.

-I'm sure it'll be fine.

-And then he comes and messes me around, he just lies to me, takes advantage of me.

-He wasn't thinking.

-Yeah, well, he had no right.

Dora's death hit him harder than he realises.

-I'm going to report him for this.

-Why?

Because people need to know about him.

But it could backfire on you. And you're just starting out.

-Yeah, I doubt it.

-You were brilliant in there.

And you'll make a wonderful counsellor.

Why jeopardise that?

Because I'm not going to let him get away with this.

There is a cowboy looking at me from across the road.

I need more time.

Take as much as you want.

How long do you think you'll need, roughly?

-Maybe we deserve what's coming to us.

-That's ridiculous.

It's not like we brought it on ourselves.

You can't stop here!

-Says who?

-Says us!